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Search - "eyes bleed"
When your IDE is in dark mode but every webpage you visit has a white background... And alt-tabbing makes your eyes bleed.23
Our current designer is convinced that 00FF44 bright green fits well with the rest of our soft purple/blue color scheme.
I am not a designer, but have worked in a color laboratory, so I've tried time and time again to explain CIE LAB color space, and how at least HCL is a good way to pick & group colors into palettes by using 2-3 luminances for equidistant hues while keeping chroma constant.
I've tried to tell him that the bright green almost physically makes my eyes bleed, because humans are quite sensitive to greens.
He just keeps using the phrase "but it makes the buttons pop nicely".
I just want to pop his skull open with my keyboard. 😫12
Learning soft skills.
I'm about as direct with coworkers and managers as I am on devRant. And I still think being painfully direct is often better than playing the heavily politicized office game of thrones.
But sometimes it's better to say:
"CTO, I think we need your skills to build bridges to other departments and manage recruitment. You're the only one who understands both technology and people, so drop your developer role and become our ambassador"
"Dear CTO, your code makes my eyes bleed. Your CS degree was a fucking waste of tax money, and it's quite clear that cheap college beer washed out all of your reasoning skills. We should fill the space you're taking up with a beanbag chair, because you're providing negative value to the company. How many investor cocks did you have to deep throat to get where you are?"
Now, I just pick option one, smile politely, and tell him we need to increase department budget as indemnification for having to work with a retard like him. Uh I mean... "to get developer salaries up to a competitive level so we can retain knowledge"10
When I want to escape how dull/repetitive/boring the world of web development is. I crack open a nice lil terminal, dust off my gcc/g++ compilers and fuck around in C or C++ till my eyes start to bleed.
I have been fucking around with systems development. Mainly with Linux programming. I have also started to get deeper on game engine design and compiler design....because low level development is where its at.
Eventually.....I would want to code something impressive enough to give me a spot somewhere as a C or C++ developer. I just can't work with web development any longer man. It really is not what I want to do, the fact that I do it(and that I am good at it) is circumstantial more than because I really enjoy it. I really don't12
One of my former coworkers was either completely incompetent or outright sabotaging us on purpose. After he left for a different job, I picked up the project he was working on and oh my God it's a complete shitshow. I deleted hundreds of lines of code so far, and replaced them with maybe 30-40 lines altogether. I'm probably going to delete another 400 lines this week before I get to a point where I can say it's fixed.
He defined over 150 constants, each of which was only referenced in a single location. Sometimes performing operations on those constants (with other constants) to get a result that might as well have been hard-coded anyway since every value contributing to that result was hard-coded. He used troublesome and messy workarounds for language defects that were actually fixed months before this project began. He copied code that I wrote for one such workaround, including the comment which states the workaround won't be necessary after May 2019. He did this in August, three months later.
Two weeks of work just to get the code to a point where it doesn't make my eyes bleed. Probably another week to make it stop showing ten warnings every time it builds successfully, preventing Jenkins from throwing a fit with every build. And then I can actually implement the feature I was supposed to implement last month.6
For once I'm actually relieved Stackoverflow is down, when I opened this page I immediately started reading the code out of habit - for a few seconds I was like "holyshit what the fuck have you gotten yourself into this time!? I was googling syntax...".
The only reason I looked up in the end to realize I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic is that after a few seconds the color scheme made my eyes bleed and I wanted to know wtf was going on with the font. I think I've had enough internet for one day...
HTTP/1.1 420 "Error: Programmer is too stoned to repsond."3
Too many spaces dedicated to programming are flooded with web-oriented anal bleeding. My guess would be this is a byproduct of their meaningless existence. Because everytime they say a "product" or "project" they mean "website", how fucking boring. Another stupid page begging me to turn off adblock, bitch like I'm gonna. No, I don't want your cookies. No, I don't give a single fuck about your newsletter. Fuck off with this login. Your search feature is broken, your popups are annoying and I'm just here to snag a snippet. Stop making it so inconvenient you fucking piece of shit.
And I'm not even implying my anus doesn't bleed. Heck, I'll bleed through my asshole, eyes, ears and mother fucking urethra more than you ever could. I am in fact the worldwide, undisputed, heavyweight GRAND CHAMPION of inter-rectal hemorrhage. Key differences being I'm not paid to do this and there isn't upwards of a thousand people automatically screwed over every time I fuck up. So it's that versus what, overpaid and consistently taking a shit on every last user? Now you WISH the eye of your ass had mine's propensity for intense bleeding.
Bottom line, no matter how much I pay for better internet, your "projects" just keep getting slower and slower. You tell me who's to blame here, eh. I wouldn't know what that is but something is clearly wrong, and I don't buy that it's some deadline pushing coke-snorting executive anymore. I've been on the internet long enough to know most programmers are either arabs or indians with a thick accent or know next to fucking nothing about what they do. And since I'm sudaka halfbreed allahu akbar up in this bitch I'm pretty sure what stinks in here isn't my fucking yabrak.
Yayah, you might not deserve this much hate but I'll give it to you anyway, free of charge. I'm angry at your "product", man. So I'm angry at YOU. You make MONEY from that piece of shit. And I'm unemployed. I've been awake for almost thirty hours working on an interface that's only text, 24x64 characters, trying not to think about what the fuck I'm going to do. And the code works as intended but I'm about to lose my fucking mind regardless. I need sleep and can't get it because I'm high as fuck on amphetamine I mistook for aspirin. Don't you hate when that happens?
PS I'll cum my fucking balls out down your throat if you ask me to register just to click on a dead link. That is all.14
I honestly don't care what you think about HTML or CSS, but if you think you are too good for it and IF I see you using <br> for margins, sticking everything inside divs or writing CSS that makes my eyes bleed, then I hope you get to maintain a codebase like that one day. The only thing worse than bad code is an ignorant dev. Don' be that guy.6
Are we sure reading this isn't going to have an effect on my eyes..? Or in that fact, on my mental health??
Like does anyone think to themselves, "I wouldn't want to read that," and actually change it so the next person isn't going to want to do a table flip meme style and walk out the door?
At least add spaces between your lines so my eyes don't bleed out...5
I'm fucking annoyed by low contrast bullshit all over the web!!!
Seriously, 1.9:1 contrast ratio for text on a documentation site?
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. STOP THIS SHIT. IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD. IT ISN'T USEFUL. IT'S GODDAMN INFURIATING THAT I HAVE TO SQUINT TO READ SOMETHING THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE READING AND MAKE MY EYES BLEED!
It's not cool, it never was.
Spend all day debugging simple post request. Like really what is going on. Super simple. Eyes start to bleed. Check spelling on everything. Finally find out the access-control-origin isn't set right, other dev said it was whatever so glad I'm moving on. Nope. Same error running the app from Visual Studio. Check code again. Everything works in a browser. Windows, VS, or the emulator is blocking just POST requests. I can do get requests all day.
What hell. I'm so critical of my code I spend hours pouring over something I knew was right instead of looking for network errors. I just need to trust myself I guess.
Oh and Windows Cordova apps don't support ES6 lol.1
Ya know when somebody else is on a project and you see their code and it's just sorta stay away from that bag of crazy? Like, some people I work with I see their code and it's fine, then I see some people's code and my eyes start to bleed.
There's nothing like that feeling on your face...
When you get a new project...and you've been writing project requirements & scope docs for 20 hours...
As you somber towards bed...what is that tickle on my cheek? Oh. Just eye blood.
That's a morning-me problem.3
While at a *coding* conference, with lots and lots of techy devs in attendance, many using mobile devices, a vendor decided to hold a hacking contest. Hack their little problem, get a t-shirt. Hack their big problem, get a bigger prize. I go to their website and notice:
1) they force me to create an account to do either problem.
2) the fucking bag of salty dicks can't even manage to make a responsive website. I mean, I could have fixed that for the cocksuckers while at the conference. But no, the shit company comes to a place full of devs and has a shitty website. Like, make your eyes bleed like a leaky sack of vaginas, bad.
I solved their little problem as fast as I could and deleted my account out of spite.
Nothing like changing state contract ws-security polices to make your eyes bleed and your brain melt with symmetric encryption binding in WCF services