Front end + back end = Project finished.

This is my first full stack application that I spent a month working on. It's a basic database that holds car information and saves it to a SQL db. I built this using Java Spring/Hibernate for my backend and Node.JS/REACT for my front end. Mariadb handles SQL requests. REACT handles token requests for secure login, that was the hardest part of this whole thing.

I was going to comment on how frequently I feel like garbage and an inadequate excuse of a human being, but today is my birthday and this is the best gift I could get, a finished project from scratch.

I'm 29 today devRant. And I work over the weekend before going back to school, but at least I fucking finished something that I started.

...thanks, for everything. 😄

Oh boy, prepare for the shenanigans of the professors I had in College and some instructors I had in my previous jobs.

Professor in networking subject picks a different student each day to lead the prayer before the start of his class. "Angel of jod, my garden deer.."

Professor in electronics is kind of a pervert and there's always that one too-old-for-College student with huge tits beside him even though she has no subject with him.

Professor in programming language X (I forgot) talks trash about her students. One of my classmates overheard her call me cocky for having a thesis that is a little more ambitious than another point-of-sale system (something that so many students have been doing that time).

Menopausal professor in whatever programming -related subject I forgot about would blow up and dumb down her students for no reason. One time was precious. She asked a dumbass question on what "scope and limitation" means. I answered her. She was annoyed and said it was wrong then explained it in the exact words I did. The class went silent and she became a joke.

Delusional instructor from the hellhole company talked about their dev team as if they're so elite and that I should be thankful to be given a chance to become a dev since my first experience was in support back then. A few months in, I was the one teaching her super elite team how to do shit because their "development" is nothing but drag-and-drop, bind this and that, and some small Python scripts.

Before that and when I just started with them, she made me the instructor for the new batch of trainees. Mind you, the system is new to me so I thought, "Okay, I guess she wants to assess or challenge me this way." She presented herself as my mentor but when I have questions about the requirements, she'd get annoyed. One time, I sent her my presentation and you can hear her keyboard clacking hard and I receive a furious message about how I did things wrong. I was like, "Huh?" A few minutes later, she says "My bad, it was correct."

I swear, the amount of people I had to work with that has this stupid nonsense tantrums decreased my tolerance for such human emotional garbage that shouldn't be present at school, in the workplace, or any non-personal setting especially with instructors. These days, one minor attitude problem and I'm already writing a draft to the HR, browsing new jobs, and keeping my distance.

So yeah, my definition of terrible is misplaced high emotional garbage. Someone who doesn't know much could be good enough, bad, or incompetent but certainly not my definition of terrible.

rant, but not an IT kind... okay, maybe not even a rant, more like depressive rambling:

in 3 days, I'll turn 29.
i'm living with my mom, in the apartment where I was born, in the room i've been living since I was born (with the exception of 2 attempts to move out which together lasted 9 months).

my theoretical monthly income should/could be around 4000€, based on my skills and experience.

but I'm a (manic)-depressive, chronically lonely idiot loser (and the manic phases come more and more rarely in recent years), so
my practical average monthly income fluctuates from 0 to about 200.

i am unable to keep a job for more than 4 months, so after being fired from about 20 or so of them since I was 18, it takes immense amounts of mental and emotional energy to even start looking for one now... so I usually don't.

i've been about 12000€ in debt for the past 8 or so years, half of which is just debt collector fees.
it's kinda funny, for years, i've been unable to solve a debt which theoretically amounts to 3 months of my theoretical achievable salary.

my father, who just left without a word of explanation when I was 18, has decided this is not viable anymore, so I'm supposed to move out by 10th of next month, "either to some cheap rooming house, or under the bridge, I don't care", as he put it.

I can't remember how it feels to exist a single hour without feeling existential dread and dreading each next day, not knowing what to do or if i'll even be able to try and do something, because this feeling is so strong that it often blocks me from being able to do anything. i just shiver most of the time that i'm awake, feeling like you feel few minutes before puking and crying at the same time. and that feeling is my "how are you?", "you know... normal".

i can't remember what it feels to feel any other way and can't even imagine it, and can't imagine that I'll ever achieve any less shit feeling.

literally all of my social contact consists of going out once to twice a month with the only 2 friends and 2 aquaintances I have who have the time and will to spend it with me.
oh, and hiding in my room, avoiding talking to my mom, because each time we talk she just reminds me what a piece of shit failure I am, and tells me how it's not that hard to change it, I just have to stop being lazy and start working for it.

she's... kind and caring about it, which somehow maybe makes it even worse.

i have about 10 almost complete game designs, each of them at least 50% more original and interesting (at least to me) than the things that are coming out for the past 10 years, being lauded as "the most original and unique".

I have been trying to make them, ANY of them, since I was 18, but I always lose all the drive and resolve and energy in like 4 months, because it's like trying to build a city on my own on a deserted island. too big for one person, but there was never anyone to help me. closest I ever got was one of my friends telling me "i've been thinking many times that i'd love to work on some project with you, if I had the time".
and second time, when I actually found an artist I was going to pay, and he was awesome, and after two weeks of me telling him how awesome what he does is and how it fits the project and my ideas perfectly, he backed out saying "i'm afraid I can't do the quality you require from me".

never ever in my life did I get actual help with something I actually wanted or tried to do.

i have no idea how it feels to have someone working with me on something I actually consider interesting and meaningful, on any of the things which I wanted to make, which made me learn programming.

I've learned graphics and animation and everything going into game making pipeline on my own because I realized nobody will ever help me, so I'll have to do all of it on my own.

I've tried to make a kickstarter once, but I started crying hysterically in the middle of writing it, because I felt like a begging piece of failure shit, even more than usual, so I deleted it.

most of people treat me like shit failure unworthy and undeserving of living, precisely as I myself know I deserve to be treated, because that's what I am, but when I ask for permission to kill myself, since I see no other solution to stop being a burden, they get angry at me that I'm just emotionally blackmailing them. when I afterwards ask them "so help me in any way to do any of the projects i want/need to do", they respond they've got no time for that.

when I talk about all of this, I get told to stop whining.

happy 29th birthday, me, a piece of shit who should've never survived this long, who should've never been born in the first place.
yay.

also, I know this is not the kind of crap that's supposed to be posted here, but i've got nowhere else. sorry.

after these final year exams , i would need to unlearn some of the garbage am stuffing into my brain.
Particularly Human Computer Iteraction(HCI) , that shit is even worse than the state of buzzwords words like blockchain and agile, this stuff is just so meta and boring, i am feeling like sitting in a rocket science class mixed with ancient literature