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Search - "human resources"
Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"
M.D: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-
1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.
2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.
3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.
4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.
5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.
6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.
7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.
8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.
9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.
10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.
11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.
12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."15
My interviews to hire a Junior Dev will begin this week. Here's how its gonna go down.
Me: Star Trek or Star Wars?
My Supervisor: WTF? How is that relevant?
Human Resources: Let's see what he says.
Applicant: Battlestar Galactica
Me: Nice. I can deal with that.
Me: Tabs or spaces when indenting your code?
Supervisor: ... ?
Human Resources : ...
Me: GTFO you imbecile! Next!28
Google rant ahead.
Google has some of the most amazing products (after successful acquisitions of ideas). Let's accept and digest this fact.
No company in current time can beat the amount of resources they in terms of human minds, creativity, skills, money and time.
Still they are ignorant fucks. Stupid fucks.
Their professional suite has almost everything a business needs, yet it sucks in terms of UX.
UI is beautiful, but UX is ugly as a dog's shit infected with rabies.
Their products are cross platform, amazingly fast (because of servers they own and money they pump in) yet the integration is sub-standard.
One has to install 1000 different apps to cope up with life yet all of them are seen in Gmail/Inbox.
What the fucking hell!!!! Why the fuck can't I access all of it in one place like Slack does???
Google Keep is so complicated for a To-do list/reminder app which can be easily integrated with Gmail/Inbox yet the fuckers don't do it making it even more complicated and tedious for users.
Still you can see all those reminders and lists in both the apps and have to take action on both of them.
They have Hangouts, Duo and Allo. Are you fucking kidding me Google?????
Three apps for one which can easily works for all?
Hiring PhDs, setting up shit tons of servers and designing beautiful UI, Google is ending up shitting in its pants when it comes to user customisation and experience.
Worst is they don't listen to their users and feedback is not something they have in their dictionary.
I am willing to pay for their services IF they do not steal and use my data AND listen to me while allowing me to customise and integrate apps.
I really wish Google comes up with some better approach or else I see they loosing their game soon with upcoming start-ups.
Oh! wait, they have money to acquire and kill a good product. Sad.16
Got laid off on Friday because of a workforce reduction. When I was in the office with my boss, someone went into my cubicle and confiscated my laptop. My badge was immediately revoked as was my access to network resources such as email and file storage. I then had to pack up my cubicle, which filled up the entire bed of my pickup truck, with a chaperone from Human Resources looking suspiciously over my shoulder the whole time. They promised to get me a thumb drive of my personal data. This all happens before the Holidays are over. I feel like I was speed-raped by the Flash and am only just now starting to feel less sick to the stomach. I wanted to stay with this company for the long haul, but I guess in the software engineering world, there is no such thing as job security and things are constantly shifting. Anyone have stories/tips to make me feel better? Perhaps how you have gotten through it? 😔😑😐16
This one is about the SJWs in the software development community.
SJWs in general are a bunch of crying assholes.. software developers who are activists in online software dev sites are even worst.
Days ago, my visual studio 2019 RC notified me of a new version so I decided to look at the release notes. It was then when I read the most stupid fix ever included in a change log: "Visual Studio installer welcome image contains offensive element for Chinese."
Do you wanna know what that super offensive element in that image was? A GUY ON A BIKE WEARING A GREEN FUCKING HAT. Apparently in China this means someone's wife or sister is a prostitute.
I clicked on the link to read the actual feedback... and holy shit isn't that Chinese idiot an actual raging cunt.
In his stupid OP he is quoted saying: "this is serious".. FUCK YOU... your entire existence CAN NOT and SHOULD NOT be considered SERIOUS at all you whining dick sucking asshole.
And to make matters worst: a "fix" was released for this within days and immediately made available to everyone.
Motherfucking assholes in Microsoft took this guy's shit seriously and were scared shitless not to offend a snowflake abomination of an excuse of a human being.
Who gives a crap.. if you are offended and you publicly announce it, you are telling everyone that you are a pathetic child who can't control his feelings and wants everyone else to do it for him/her.
Well assholes at Microsoft and the Chinese offended by this shit, removing the green hat is offensive to the Irish people... would you re-instate it? NO YOU WON'T.
Why? well this is easy to answer: Irish people are white. White people, by standards of SJW cucks, can't be offended and reverse racism doesn't exist towards white people.
I hope that Chinese cunt, and if he has a girlfriend which I very much doubt since he had time to make that stupid feedback in the first place, to die slowly, bleeding from every hole and some newly created ones too, while watching his girlfriend get fucked by a high-ranking member of the ruling communist party of his Chinese gov and she is enjoying it and with a big smile on her face just so he can die feeling like the shit human being he is.
People on that feedback thread have urged MS to revert the change, asked MS to direct resources at fixing things that are as trivial as this but yet to be addressed... only MS didn't give a fuck.
Here's the link to the feedback thread for those interested: https://developercommunity.visualstudio.com/...
If that asshole is here on devRant, here me out you raging cunt: I couldn't give a fuck less about you shit feelings or your stupid activism but I do care when idiots like you influence great software (incl. open source projects) just to feel good about yourself, to feel like you've accomplished something this week.
FUCK YOU all the way to hell.
For all other assholes (AKA SJWs) in the software community: software/computers don't give a fuck about your feelings. I'll beat you down to the depths of hell if you come at me with your progressive/equality/political correctness crap any day of the week... you just pick the day and I'm happy to oblige.46
Developers aren't just resources that you "utilize".
We are human beings with thoughts, aspirations, creativity, hopes and fears.
Your position doesn't make you entitled to treat others less.2
The worst boss and human being so far, still wondering how he keeps the company afloat. This was my first longterm developer job almost a decade ago and I was a student at that time. The application was an outlook plug in for a document management system.
Boss: The processing is too slow. Make it faster.
Me: After analysis and profiling I can prove that the core (developed in VB6 by a physicist and autoconverted to VB.NET) is the bottleneck.
Boss: I don't care. Make it faster and don't touch the core.
Boss: I want the app to behave in that way.
Me: This is not what we specified previously. Look here. Nonetheless, I would have to rewrite half of the plugin. Mind that it is an outlook plug in and we are restricted by outlook. If you want that, it would take XX days and we do not have enough time until release.
Boss: I don't care. Do it. And the deadline stays as it is.
Boss 2 weeks later: I don't like it.
Me: To release in time I need more resources. I need at least one tester and another developer would be a huge plus. Also, I need a second PC for testing.
2 weeks later:
Boss: why does it not work properly in outlook 2010? Didn't you test it?
Me: I could not. I have only outlook 2007. I asked for more resources and did not get them.
Boss: it's your fault. Bad work.
*Me having failed multiple exams, stress at work, started to drink*
Boss: Don't you like working here?
*Me getting written sick with severe depression*
Boss: fires me.
Me: Loses flat. Quits uni. Unemployed for 6 Months, one rejection after another (boss was phoned, that's sure). Moving back to parents. Sues boss. Gets money.
I still hate him and wish him the most painful experiences in life. Such people belong behind bars. But the justice isn't always served. One has to move forward and improve himself.4
IT Definitions of Designations
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that...a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months
The pay was good. The perks were good too. Then why the hell did I resign? Because of my manager. You won't believe he never contributed to anything. In the past two months, he didn't write a single line of code.
You may say, "he is a manager. His work is to manage people". But what?? He never allows us to talk to anyone. Sets unexpected reality in the meeting. And our CEO (a good-hearted man and good software engineer, but does not know much about ML/AI) believes in him. We are working on a product which is a piece of shit. I tried to tell everyone the reality. He stopped me. Says since I don't have experience, I don't know what is possible.
What the hell??? With current talent and resources, you are saying AI will replace humans in call centers by the end of 2019. What the FUCK!!!! I tried to write a mail to the CEO, explaining him things. He threatened me. Said he will make me lose my job. So FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!
That is the reason I am resigning. He has another 11 months to fuck the company. But I am going to a place where things are real. People know the potential and challenges of AI and are doing their best. I know, eventually, everyone will know that he is a liar. A big fucking LIAR. And he will lose his job. Not because machines will take over. But good, talented human beings will replace him.8
So.. real question, how the fuck do we unionize as IT? Software development, sysadmins, etc... I really think there is a need to stop managers expecting us to handle all of the constant stress, constant learning at home and constant overtimes to meet stupid deadlines so the boss can buy a new Porsche? I've been thinking about this for a while already, anyone has any ideas?10
Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.
Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.
Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.
I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.10
(This happened a few days ago:)
First day on the job, last session of debriefing, HR comes to explain us some company policies.
Among them, they want us to fill in our working hours using a smartphone app (Android & iOS only).
I raise my hand and I ask them what can I do, since I have a Windows Phone.
HR lady's face is striken with sheer terror. Since then, I'm known as the "Windows Phone Guy"... 😁
I'm more than proud of myself. 🙂
P.S. We also got some cool Windows tablet to use during our training period...5
When I wrote my first algorithm that learns...
So in order to on board our customers onto our software we have to link the product on their data base to the products on ours. This seems easy enough but when you actually start looking at their data you find it's a fuck up of duplication's, bad naming conventions and only 10% or so have distinct identifiers like a suppler code,model no or barcode. After a week or 2 they find they can't do it and ask for our help and we take over. On average it took 2 of our staff 1-2 weeks to complete the task manually searching one record of theirs against our db at a time. This was a big problem since we only had enough resources to on board 2-4 customers a month meaning slow growth.
I realized when looking at different customers databases that although the data was badly captured - it was consistently badly captured similar to how crap file names will usually contain the letters 'asd' because its typed with the left hand.
I then wrote an algorithm that fuzzy matched against our data and the past matches of other customers data creating a ranking algorithm similar to google page search. After auto matching the majority of results the top 10 ranked search results for each product on their db is shown to a human 1 at a time and they either click the the correct result or select "no match" and repeat until it is done at which point the algo will include the captured data in ranking future results.
It now takes a single staff member 1-2 hours to fully on board a customer with 10-15k products and will continue to get faster and adapt to changes in language and naming conventions. Making it learn wasn't really my intention at the time and more a side effect of what I was trying to achieve. Completely blew my mind.
Figured I'd post for some advice here and see if anybody has had previous experience or success with a situation like this.
My team is generally comprised of full-stack developers completing front-end custom work on sites, writing back-end tools, and fixing broken sites. We are a rapid-response DEV team, and we typically turn around any custom requests in less than 5 days and fix any broken sites on the same day as they were reported. We manage almost 15,000 sites across multiple countries, and deal with very large corporations that many of you interact with every day (I'm trying to be cryptic here hahaha.) There are 16 of us on our team, and we are the only DEV team within our department of 500+ people. We are also the only DEV team taking requests from these 500+ people. The way the department works, we are the final say on whether a specific piece of custom work will get completed or not, and we are the go-to people when anybody has a question about our system infrastructure or if our system can accommodate a request, along with how to fix any broken pieces of our platform. We typically get about 150 requests per day. Lately, the entire team has become unhappy with our compensation for the work we do. We're quite underpaid, and they keep giving us more responsibilities without any sort of extra compensation. We've discovered that there are a large amount of non-developers below us that are getting paid more than we are. We've found that we get paid about $15,000 less than a comparable DEV team in a different department (let's call that team DEV_2,) just because of which department our team exists within, and how our department defined our job back when this position was created a few years ago. Ever since the position was created, our team's responsibilities have exponentially increased. We believe that there is absolutely no reason that an entry-level position below us should get paid just as much, or even more in some cases, than a developer. Of course, we're not asking to pay them less. Instead, we've decided that we're going to bring this up with our manager and schedule a meeting with him, our Department Director, and Human Resources, and voice that we believe that we should be on the same payscale as the comparable DEV_2 in the other department.
To be a good developer on our team, you need to not only have coding expertise, but also an encyclopedic knowledge of what you can do within our platform without any coding. You need this knowledge so you can pass it along to any people in positions below you, in case they didn't know that something could be done without custom code.
We're going to argue that if it weren't for our team, the company would be losing millions of dollars in clients, because people wouldn't have anybody to go to for platform infrastructure questions, broken websites, or custom work. Instead, they would need to send these requests to the DEV_2 team, which currently take about 6 months to turnaround requests. Like I said, we are a rapid-response DEV team, and these particular clients think that a 5 day turnaround time is ridiculous. If they had to wait 6 months for their request to be completed, they would cancel their contracts.
Not to mention the general loss of knowledge if the members of our team went to a different department, which would be catastrophic for our current department. Believe me, this department could not function without this DEV team. If we all went on vacation for a week, the place would be on fire by the time we got back, and many clients would be lost.
Do any of you have any experience with a situation like this, and if so, how did it turn out? Thank you!6
How do u recover from bad reputation at work? Like, false accusations and wrong perceptions about you which you have no control over? Should you guard your reputation or should you just stop caring what other people think?6
At first: Maybe you dont agree with my opinion thats fully okay but please respect it.
Dear Telegram Team. Hey, i like your app and appreciate that you try do defend spam. everyone hates spammers but your AUTOMATIC spam detection system is bullshit. That is one thing. The other thing is to lie directly into my and other users face.
You nice spambot tells me my message that was flagged as spam has been forwarded to a human moderator that confirmed it as such. BULLSHIT. Why does a spambot tell me that and not a real human if that would be true ?
You dont even manage to get rid of the pedos and isis terrorists of your app but you wanna tell me you have the resources to check every single message that got flagged as spam by a human ?
You say you have a userbase of 200 Million User
Do you really think your users are that dumb ?
There are no or not as many human moderators. You cant tell me you can check every single Message of 200 Million Users.
You advertize yourself as a free trustworthy open source messenger. (i didnt know that 234 days old source code is open source that is useless because we need to use your api to build own apps) and then you still have the balls to lie at such small things ? Really ? Why dont be honest and say yes of course, its automated.
The Question is when you lie already at such small things Why should people still trust you ? Now with the new passport service you offer and in general. Your servers are still today closed source and the source code of your x apps isnt published today.
Btw if my message got forwarded to human i wanna know who gives you the right to check my private messages im sending to my friends ?. Yes i know there is this cool spam report button but friends dont press it and even when so a message cant be checked in 60 seconds by a human. And also: how can Secret Chat Messages that are E2E encypted even read by you ???? Hell you didnt even awnsered me that in 72 hours since i asked you.
Then was a few month ago the incident with blocking all nsfw groups and channels. you said whoops it was an accident but eh why would you block them in general ? We are living in the 21. Century. Every second hollywood movie has a sex scence in it. Maybe in russian you have an other view of things but even there nsfw content is nothing that should be blocked.
To be fair you do many things better then whatsapp but you arent more trustworthy then whatsapp or facebook.
Ps. to the admins at the publictestgroup of telegram. Over 1.5 years i donated and spended my time in that group and then you do such a shit. even when your group is semi offical you represent telegram a bit you should be a bit more respectful to members.
Thanks for reading the rant. Even if you maybe dont agree with my opinion..... Do you know alternatives for telegram ? Wire and Signal dont have public groups. Any other Messenger i could try ?9
1. an individual who attracts interest to a cause through evangelism and enthusiastic promotion.
2. an occupation in which knowledgeable specialists seek out qualified individuals to fill technical positions on behalf of another organization.
3. an unholy union of the worst qualities of both an ignorant cold call salesperson with those of an apathetic human resources employee. See 'chimera'.
Human Resources Ministry: Releasing hospital infection numbers would cause panic
The good old negligence in the Hungarian healthcare system (infections occur because of human negligence).
It is only an article title, but inside it says that the Human Resources Ministry is delaying releasing the statistics for infections in Hospitals.
They had a lawsuit against them, but appealed it with "the statistics could be identified as personal data" which is bullshit, because these are summed statistics.
TLDR: Hungarian government is hiding hospital infection statistics from citizens with bullshit arguments
Got my first dev job last November and I've been working as a contractor for the government. Supposed to be on a 4 year contract job, just found out that out project is being pulled in September. Is this common for federal contract work? My Human Resources team haven't been very helpful in explaining the process to me. Is private sector development any less volatile? I don't have a mentor or anybody I can bounce questions off so sorry if this is more or less common knowledge :/5
Friend just quit job, tells HR in an exit interview about how they are putting marks over people just for not share ideas or disagree on decisions of HR.
HR goes and put marks over all the people that was friend of my friend.
Even the ones related to his algorithms club.
(By putting marks I mean: points at/put final notice letters/similar)2
Resource not found exception occurred when i tried to set an integer text inside a TextView in android.
Spent an hour trying to comb through my entire android app's layout resources looking at all the declared ids and cross checking then.
Didn't work. Tried googling and stumbled upon a stray human who had encountered a similar issue.
Turns out if you print an integer inside the setText, it will not consider it a normal printable value, it will think that's it's a resource id and try to use it.
Fucking misleading exception. FML ANDROID5
A visit to the planet earth.
Alien I: Hey look, look at these things. They work like sloths and sleep like koalas. Wonder how they have survived this long.
Alien II: It's a pity. I told High Commander this is totally a waste of time and resources.
Human: Well, we do have programmers too.
Alien I: WTF!
Alien II: Now, that planet is worth colonizing. Let's get to work then 👽1
startups. enhanced version of something. not hating. but just. if you own one. please migrate the human resources too. just like the system.
you may have new human resources only if your startup is having/creating a unique system.
and please don't tell me yours are unique before you know the definition of unique itself.
effective development should leave minimum waste.
to who think that new system inside your head is better than real life system.1
So, I just finished a semester project on Software Project Management, and this was my self analysis and my conclusions, along with my analysis of my team. I think some of you will relate. Hope you enjoy the reading!
My main contributions to the project were helping reviewing the documents syntax, to make sure it was smooth and easy to read with a good english level, working on the systems architecture, coding the application, helping measuring problems within the project and putting people to work by distributing tasks.
I tried to help whenever I could with things that were not assigned to me, even though we are a team, everyone must do what they are assigned for, otherwise disorganization will be installed and everyone will derive from what they are doing to focus on a single thing or point and that would cost us time. I tried to avoid that to see if people could be capable enough of fixing the problems presented to them with the least help possible, making that an example for future use so they don’t always rely on others to get tasks done and to be more independent. Also, helping others figuring out what they were supposed to do helped the team wasting less human resources and consuming less time, which lead to some faster developments on specific tasks. Making the impossible possible was kinda of a weekly routine when the deadline approached because time was short and sometimes tasks were not finished when they should be, so, in a way I helped speedrunning documents to see if they were close to presentable to the client.
As the overall performance, there were highs and lows, where some members worked more than others and that is not fair for everyone because that kept happening again and again, so, my point of view performance wise is that we behaved wrongly when it came down to it. Some of us kept on pushing tasks to others and continuously criticizing over other people’s work without having a logical background to motivate those critiques neither providing solutions to the problems encountered. Well, that couldn’t end well, and it didn’t. It brought our performance down and ended up causing a lot of damage on the project itself.