Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
Good Morning!, its time for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!
Todays contestant is a very special one.
*sitcom audience: WHY?*
Glad you asked, you see if you were to look at his linkedin profile, you would see a job title unlike any you've seen before.
*sitcom audience oooooooohhhhhh*
were not talking software developer, engineer, tech lead, designer, CTO, CEO or anything like that, No No our new entrant "G" surpasses all of those with the title ..... "Software extraordinaire".
*sitcom audience laughs hysterically*
I KNOW!, wtf does that even mean! as a previous dev-ranter pointed out does this mean he IS quality code? I'd say he's more like a trash can ... where his code belongs
*ba dum tsssss*
Ok ok, lets get on with the show, heres some reasons why "G" is on the show:
One of G's tasks was to build an analytics gathering library for iOS, similar to google analytics where you track pages and events (we couldn't use google's). G was SO good at this job he implemented 2 features we didn't even ask for:
- If the library was unable to load its config file (for any reason) it would throw an uncatchable system integrity error, crashing the app.
- If anything was passed into any of the functions that wasn't expected (null, empty array etc.) it would crash the app as it was "more efficient" to not do any sanity checks inside the library.
This caused a lot of issues as some of the data needed to come from the clients server. The day we launched the app, within the first 3 hours we had over 40k crash logs and a VERY angry client.
Now, what makes this story important is not the bugs themselves, come on how many times have we all done something stupid? No the issue here was G defended all of this as the right thing to do!
.. and no he wasn't stoned or drunk!
G claimed if he couldn't get the right settings / params he wouldn't be able to track the event and then our CEO wouldn't have our usage data. To which I replied:
"So your solution was to not give the client an app instead? ... which also doesn't give the CEO his data".
He got very angry and asked me "what would you do then?". I offered a solution something like why not have a default tag for "error" or "unknown" where if theres an issue, we send up whatever we have, plus the file name and store it somewhere else. I was told I was being ridiculous as it wasn't built to track anything like that and that would never work ... his solution? ... pull the library out of the app and forget it.
... once again giving everyone no data.
G later moved onto another cross-platform style project. Backend team were particularly unhappy as they got no spec of what needed to be done. All they knew was it was a single endpoint dealing with very complex model. There was no Java classes, super classes, abstract classes or even interfaces, just this huge chunk of mocked data. So myself and the lead sat down with him, and asked where the interfaces for the backend where, or designs / architecture for them etc.
His response, to this day frightens me ... not makes me angry, not bewilders me ... scares the living shit out of me that people like this exist in the world and have successful careers.
G: "hhhmmm, I know how to build an interface, but i've never understood them ... Like lets say I have an interface, what now? how does that help me in any way? I can't physically use it, does it not just use up time building it for no reason?"
us: "... ... how are the backend team suppose to understand the model, its types, integrate it into the other systems?"
G: "Can I not just tell them and they can write it down?"
**
I'll just pause here for a moment, as you'll likely need to read that again out of sheer disbelief
**
I've never seen someone die inside the way the lead did. He started a syllable and his face just dropped, eyes glazed over and he instantly lost all the will to live. He replied:
" wel ............... it doesn't matter ... its not important ... I have to go, good luck with the project"
*killed the screen share and left the room*
now I know you are all dying in suspense to know what happened to that project, I can drop the shocking bombshell that it was in fact cancelled. Thankfully only ~350 man hours were spent on it
... yep, not a typo.
G's crowning achievement however will go down in history. VERY long story short, backend got deployed to the server and EVERYTHING broke. Lead investigated, found mistakes and config issues on every second line, load balancer wasn't even starting up. When asked had this been tested before it was deployed:
G: "Yeah I tested it on my machine, it worked fine"
lead: "... and on the server?"
G: "no, my machine will do the same thing"
lead: "do you have a load balancer and multiple VM's?"
G: "no, but Java is Java"
... and with that its time to end todays episode. Will G be our most incompetent? ... maybe.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!31 -
I don’t usually recommend movies to a lot of people, but if you like going to the movies, I highly, highly recommend you see “Searching”. Its wide release in the U.S. is today and it will be out internationally soon I think.
It’s probably the best thriller movie I’ve ever seen, and the best movie I’ve seen in last few years, and I see a lot of them. The tech in it is awesome, and how the movie is presented will bring back tech memories and it really is a trip down memory lane. The movie has a bit of everything. An awesome story, awesome suspense, and great use of technology and social media.
10/10, definitely see it!28 -
Anyone else feels Silicon Valley is slowly dying? :(
This season ended too soon with very little to offer. No suspense. Less humour than expected and stretched events.
Hopefully next year is better.5 -
*orders something online*
*proceed to payment*
*ever payment details, click on "Pay now"*
*connection times out*
Oh Lord Jesus please help me I can't bear this suspense.1 -
So, just pulled another all-nighter..
On our platform I switched a quite big customer to another stock keeping system to pull them into automatic FEFO handling etc. Just a better stock keeping system overall.. I made it.. *self hi-5*
Evidently the crons caught that change, and CLEARED ALL THE STOCK LEVELS as they're now managed by said system...
Had to pull the counts, locations, expiry dates and lot numbers from the history table and old database fields, add them to an Excel sheet and then add all gathered locations by hand back into the new system, whilst also setting the new settings for them.
39 unique products that were gathered over 190+ sku objects... (Somebody didn't get object oriented, or was trying to KISS themselves, clearly...)
That's 6 hours of extra work for a stupid fuck up.. Oops? (:5 -
Anyone watch this guy? Very much addicted to his videos, informative for a newbie at electronics, and always waiting for the next moment he shorts a circuit, shocks himself or creates a light bulb.
There are compilations, but the videos are way better and give you the suspense.
https://youtu.be/sI5Ftm1-jik5 -
If you suspect that you know me "in real
life" {
please raise your hand &&
don't share the answer with the rest -
of the class (🤫);
} else {
enjoy the suspense 🌻💅🔪;
}
Tara2 -
Some humans are calm and thoughtful, some annoyingly complicated, while others with behaviours too difficult to comprehend.
I got a call from the office (former from 6 months ago) and it's from the G.M herself.
** Phone rings **
Hmm see who's calling...
Me: * Picks up phone and set it on loud speaker, so my partner can also listen *
Me: Hello Ma
G.M: Hey (calls me by my full name)
Me: It's really nice to he...
G.M: Why would you move the YETI server hosted on AWS to Azure! We have been faced with lots of challenges ever since and that has cost the company a lot.
Me: Pardon me Ma, but that...
G.M: That is a very bad and unacceptable behaviour from you and I can have the company sue you for this.
Me: Excuse me Ma, but...
G.M: I have spoken with the director of C.M.D quaters (A sister company) and explained the situation on ground about what you did before leaving without having any prior permission. What nonsense!
** At this point my partner let's call her "CC"... was more confused than me**
CC : **Panicking** Who's that? What did you do? I thought you said you no longer work at that firm, what's going on?
Now I'm confused cus I don't even know who to reply.
Me: **Signals CC to calm the fuck down**
G.M: ** Still talking and spitting out millions of threats to the guy who left the company with evil deeds in mind...**
CC who literally hates suspense and also a half cool and half crackhead kind of person... Tries stealing the phone from me so she could pour out whatever is on her mind to the caller because of how disgusted she felt, mostly for reasons I quite understood but nevertheless i kept the phone far from her reach while we both enjoyed the suiting voice of *a threat giver*
Honestly at this point my closest guess was "Joe, who must have fucked up big time" because Joe is the company's SysAdmin and has a lot of fucked up records (One time Joe tried to convert all system OSes to Linux even with our hydra servers with pre-installed windows running smoothly, his action caused a noticeable server down-time all for the reason of Joe being a Linux freak). He and only he has the power to transfer/switch/off/on servers at will. I really don't know what Joe must have done but sure thing is there is a fuck up somewhere.
Talking about me, I was only a developer enthroned only within his desk and secondly I no longer worked there. Who fucking calls a retired soldier about a lost battle after six freaking months later! Just fucking sink with your ship captain!
But how can I explain all of this to G.M without implicating Joe and also not look like snitch, I thought to myself.
While I was pondering within myself and the call which has long been disconnected, CC broke the silence.
CC: Giddy, Can you honestly explain me why your old company is calling talking about lawyers and suing you? Have you been lying to me about your work?
Me: *Explained the situation to CC*
CC: But why was she that saucy and acting a bitch? You should have spare me a minute with her.
Me: She wouldn't let me speak but we good CC. We good.
The woman that just called is the G.M. of the firm I had formerly worked with and she's also the wife to the M.D of the same firm which was my former direct Boss whom I respect a lot. Having a disjunct with the wife can also affect the relationship with the husband, which I don't want to lose. So we cool!
Maybe I should text her or maybe not... But before then
** Another call comes in **
It's her again.
GM: Hello Giddy (Sounding calm)
Me: (WTF. She called me by my first name and also sounds cool... More confused than a stray dog) ...Yeah Hello
GM: I just called to let you know that my accusation was wrong because I was misinformed. Joe Nosa was in charge on Systems but why didn't you correct me on that during our last conversation?
Me: ... 😲
CC: (Drags the phone) Hello and Good morning whosoever...
G.M: Sorry who am I speaking with?
CC: (Introduced herself) I overheard your last conversation with Giddy, and I demand you appogise to him both in written and in verbal because not only did you accused him falsely, you also almost bridge the trust between us which may have cost the relationship.
Me: ...
** Long awkward silence **
G.M: Hey Giddy, I'm sorry. Just angry about what went down recently.
Me: All good ma'am
CC: ** Hangs up **1 -
My first ever pull request on a public repo on github just got merged. The suspense is killing me. Three more to go for the free shirt...4
-
A life with no adventure and rough times is like a movie with no suspense. I'd probably doze off half the times.
I mean: no bullets in the air and Chuck Norris is not risking everything for his daughter?
Damn, just shoot me :(2 -
!dev.
I like to hold myself off of gaming content that I don't want to spoil myself with. The Last Of Us Part I, God of War 2018, God of War Ragnarok are few of the games I deliberately didn't watch any gameplay videos of, just because I knew that these games are bangers and I should have first hand experience myself.
I'm still waiting for GoW: Ragnarok to come to PC so I can enjoy it like a first time player.
But what I didn't do, is to hold myself to Marvel Spiderman 2's gameplay spoilers. I have watched almost all gameplay videos and I now know how the game ends. And I am disappointed with what the game turned out to be. It's just punching bad guys, swinging around here and there and a story goes on in the back as cinematics.
This is a testament of how marketing can affect the hype of a game. They dropped so many abstract trailers that it kept the suspense, a bit too much. The game didn't deliver on the hype imo.
Now that I have spoiled myself, I understand that it's just another Spiderman game, like Spiderman 2018 and Spiderman: Miles Morales. And as a result, my chest now feels empty. -
HOW TO RECOVER YOUR STOLEN CRYPTO INVESTMENT: REACH OUT TO RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY
Teaching AI ethics is my day job, where I spend my days instructing students in the conflict between human judgment and machine learning, but I never thought I'd be outwitted by my own digital wallet. And yet there I was, staring at my fried hard drive and realizing that $910,000 worth of Bitcoin had just been encrypted into oblivion.
The disaster started innocently enough. I had been operating an experimental machine learning program, training it to improve encryption security independently. Enthusiastic with the encouraging results, I ran one final simulation on my home laptop, the same one that held my wallet keys in an encrypted file. What could possibly go wrong?
As would be the case, everything. The algorithm, eager to show itself, created a security system so robust that I couldn't even get access to it myself. It rendered the key file so corrupted that my life's savings might just as well be floating around cyberspace. When I tried to explain what had occurred in class the following day, the expressions on the faces of my classmates were one of amusement and horror. "Professor, didn't you teach data backups last week?" Ouch..Whatsapp: +1 4 14 80 71 4 85
A student approached me after class and softly whispered a lifeline: "Check out RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY. They deal with cases like this." Desperation got the better of my pride, so I called them. From the first email, their team treated me like a valued partner, not another moron who let an AI lock him out...Email: rapiddigitalrecovery (@) execs. com
RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY's engineers approached my problem like battle-hardened cryptographers and compassionate therapists. They requested samples of my encryption methods, dissected my test algorithm, and effectively reverse-engineered my own efforts. They even smiled (graciously) at the enthusiasm of my marauding AI for security...Telegram: @Rapiddigitalrecovery1
After 12 days of nail-biting suspense, I heard the call. "Professor, we got it." My heart pounded faster than when I first powered up a neural network. My Bitcoin wallet was returned, every single satoshi. They even provided me with security recommendations tailored to my academic community so that my next algorithm would not hold my money hostage.
Now, when I teach AI ethics, I introduce with this cautionary tale. My students chuckle, my robots beep their approval, and I sleep better knowing RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY stands in the wings to rescue even the most hubristic tech wizards. Human ingenuity triumphs once more.
1 -
HIRE A EXPERIENCE HACKER TO RECOVER SCAM BTC & USDT WITH SPARTAN TECH GROUP RETRIEVAL
Accuracy is my business, but one spoofed email ruined all that I had built. I am an attorney who prides myself on being able to detect lies, but the scam this time was flawless. A bogus legal notice arrived in my mail, with the same tone and crest of a familiar regulatory body. Panic overwhelmed me. I clicked on the link, entered my Bitcoin wallet login credentials, and in minutes, my $1.05 million portfolio disappeared into thin air. The realization hit like a gavel blow. My palms were moist, my heart pounded in my chest, and my office walls seemed to close in on me. I pictured the headlines—a lawyer misled, reputation destroyed. I buried my face in my hands, seeing the carefully laid plans of my future disappear through my fingers. Desperate but resolute, I enlisted the help of a friend I trusted in the form of a lunch invitation. Over half-caf coffee gulps, I unloaded my humiliation. He leaned in closer, his voice in a whisper, and spoke two words that would change reality, SPARTAN TECH GROUP RETRIEVAL. It was as if calling a covert agency. Their staff, from the first call, appeared to exude professionalism and secrecy. They listened to her unbiased, their queries pointed but subtle. Several hours later, their cyber investigators had embarked on a digital trail, analyzing blockchain transactions with the surgical skill of experts. Each day had top stories that felt like a page from a suspense novel. They tracked my compromised Bitcoin through an underground network of washing wallets, peeling away layers of cyber cover like amateurs. Their retrieval team navigated its way past international crypto regimes, exploiting gaps and freeze orders. Within only three weeks, I received the call. My money had been retrieved, every satoshi restored. Such a feeling of relief swept over me that I had to sit down. It felt as though I had won a case hopeless to win, yet this was one that mattered deeply to me. SPARTAN TECH GROUP RETRIEVAL did more than retrieve my funds. They restored my confidence. Their detailed forensic report now sits in my files, a weapon in my criminal complaint against the fraudsters. The level of professionalism they demonstrated rivals the best legal teams I’ve worked with. If you think it can't happen to you, think again. And if it ever does, call SPARTAN TECH GROUP RETRIEVAL. They are the silent guardians of your online future.
Reach out to spartan tech group retrieval with the contact info below:
Email >>>> support (@) spartan tech group retrieval. o r g
Website >>>> https: / / spartan tech group retrieval . o r g
WhatsApp >>>> + 1 9 7 1 4 8 7 - 3 5 3 8
1
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View