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"We are looking for a GDPR expert to be hired in our company"
"I am an experienced data protection manager"
"Oh, fine! May you give us your phone number?"
"No"
"Your email address?"
"No"
"You're hired"4 -
That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.
I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!
Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡21 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, lounge, pub, tavern, night club, mini bar, drinks.5
-
Sales Guy: Hey Man, you know what? you should go back to college and advance your knowledge in Software Engineering. This way you will be an expert in programming and handling the Servers.
Me: I started programming at the age of 17 and started handling servers by the age of 18. Can I ask you something if you don't mind?
Sale Guy: Yea sure I don't mind anything
Me: Get the fuck out of here8 -
The moment you realize you're just good at googling and not an expert in programming...
That's when the internet connectivity is down!5 -
Work: try this
Me: cool!
I hate it.
I hate it.
I love it.
I hate it.
I love it.
Now I'm an expert.5 -
"I became an expert in 3 programming languages in 6 months with this new online course! Click here to order now!!"2
-
When I was looking for an internship...
- Hello, I noticed your cv and you have a great portfolio! Are you familiar with responsive design?
- I have a basic knowledge on that, i am not an expert.
- Ok, can you come for an interview on Monday?
-Sure
Monday morning....
Interview with CEO...
- What's your experience with responsive design?
- I have a basic knowledge on that, i am not an expert.
- Sorry I need someone expert
- But the job is for junior dev and it's an internship
- Yes but man hours of someone to training you will be a cost for me.
- Ok, thank you
(Step before closing the door)Btw you should had check my portfolio, 4/8 websites are responsive.4 -
Sorry John Doe, you're application for this job has been rejected. As we specified for this job you need to know about GitHub. In your CV you stated that you are an expert in git but our job requires the knowledge of hub as well. Good luck next time11
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Guns should be illegal. Otherwise I swear I'll end up shooting someone the next time they ask me to "implement this feature, it will only take 5 mins".
Those who don't know programming should keep their "expert advice" to themselves6 -
Computer Science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter
- Eric S. Raymond -
How most recruiter emails go these days:
- Hiring multiple senior lead engineers <— That’s me
- 180k+ <— I like it.
- Must have experience with AWS, GCE, AND Azure <— Okay, you’re looking for a unicorn
- Kubernetes expert
- Experience with Rust, Node, and .NET <— What type of fucking company are you?
- Must be on call and 25% travel <— Why?
- Preferred: experience with printer repair, Raid Arrays, CAT5, and Microsoft Access <— Y’all fucked up somewhere a long time ago. I’m out.19 -
that time when a client wants you to teach a bird how to fly.
but the bird is a penguin
and you are a bear expert
"but it has wings!"11 -
A developer's worst nightmare is having amnesia.
Imagine being an expert in 6 programming languages and you suddenly lost your memory.
YOU'RE IN DESTINATION FUCKED ALREADY.5 -
I’m a graphs designer, hardware expert, free software generator, marketing evangelist, networking wizard, and troubleshooter bot11
-
In programming what is the difference between an expert programmer and a noob??
- they both Google when they're stuck but expert knows what he's searching for and noob learns about what he's searching for!!9 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...
-
When you think you're an "expert". 😛
Found this on a Medium article.
“Self-taught Software Developers: Why Open Source is important to us”
https://medium.com/rocknnull/...
2 -
Don't apply for a job that you don't like. You're gonna hate your life.
Don't ask for a salary you know you're not worth.
Work in a tech company as much as possible. If you don't, you're gonna be treated as a powerpoint presentation expert, office installation expert, video editor/movie maker expert, IT support guy, loose plug/broken headset repairman, facebook hacker, and a dark magician all at once. Most (not all) tech companies know who you are better. They understand your needs better.7 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.1
-
Beginner: I wrote 1,000 lines of code!
Intermediate: I deleted 1,000 lines of code!
Expert: I prevented code from being written!1 -
Just spoke with a guy who considers himself a PC expert.
He: You can always recover your offline data from your PC, even if you burn it.
Me: You just need to remove your hard drive.
He: Even if you remove your hard disk, offline data can be recovered from from RAM memory.
Me: WTF?? * Trying to explain him that RAM is a volatile memory*
He: Yeah but you can recover it from the BIOS.
Me: r u serius right now??
And I can continue, because we've unfortunately talked for about an hour.
Why these people consider themselves experts and why the fuck do they have to teach you things that the don't know. FML5 -
So apparently someone discovered an exploit in iOS devices which would make shitloads of devices jailbreakable and it can't be updated due to the chip being read-only.
I'm not an expert on this by far but hereby a source:
https://idownloadblog.com/2019/09/...
Again, I'm not an expert on this but it does seem awesome that a lot of devices (if I read it correctly) are jailbreakable now (when someone developed one with this exploit)!38 -
I dont trust people who have LinkedIn tagline with any of these combinations.
Blockchain
Machine learning
Artificial Intelligence
Expert
Mentor
Advisor
CTO
Startup10 -
Someone just rang the IT Helpdesk moaning that outlook wasn't syncing his mail and it was because the brand new laptop he's just gotten is crap.
So first, the guy on the helpdesk asked to log into the users laptop to look at outlook.
He apparently isn't at his laptop and doesn't have time for anyone to log in!
Wtf lol
So he rings back 10 mins later when at his laptop but wont let the helpdesk log in as he has 'confidential' documents open.
Wtf, close them, why are you ringing us to look at your laptop if you won't let us log on?? lol
So helpdesk was like ok, just check cat cable is plugged in, check wifi is off, do a send/receive etc. and the user's like yes, they're all okay!
Helpdesk tells him to reboot his pc. He does so.
Doesn't resolve it.
Skip forward another 10 painful minutes while the helpdesk guy is pulling his hair out checking everything in the background, and all looks fine.
User then says "should i also turn off my iPhone?"
Helpdesk: 'No, outlook is just on your laptop'.
User: 'No *assured laugh* its on my phone too. I get emails there too'
Helpdesk: 'No, you use the generic 'Mail' app on your phone. Outlook is a separate app. We don't use it.'
User: 'But you're not listening, regardless of the app name, that's my problem, mail's not working on my phone'.
Helpdesk: '.....so why didn't you say so 20 minutes ago when i asked to log into ur laptop?'
User: 'Didn't think it was relevant. Laptop was fine. Assumed you'd know'.
...........
Why.
Why???
Why.
Shockingly, a phone restart fixed it. The user couldn't remember the last time he'd turned the thing off.11 -
Our professor in our college deliberately makes a mistake in the program and ask people how it happened.
If someone solves it he complements them and it really makes them feel motivated.
I think he is the best professor 😊😊5 -
A: There is not even a single forum for cyber security. Let's build one.
Me: Are you sure that there is not even a single forum?
A: Yes, I'm a cyber security expert. I have 5 years of experience in this field.
Me: **walks out quitely**1 -
Please, if you're recruiting a freshly graduated or junior developper, DO NOT ask him to be a fucking expert in whatever field or tech you're looking for.2
-
In a mobile project far far away...
Dev: Now we need a ui expert to beautify the app.
Boss: we dont need him its beautiful as it is.
5 mins later....
Boss: here Is a ton of ui changes dear dev. I trust that you have creative insight to make changes that I like :)4 -
1. When you are inexperienced, probably you’ll need to accept any job.
2. Learn and discover what you prefer to working on.
3. Become an expert on you desired field.
4. You can choose where you would like to work.
Remember friends: Life is to short to work for an asshole.5 -
Scammer calls claiming to be windows security expert.
Them: "sir, your windows computer is sending error code. Please turn it on so I cam Fix it. "
Me: "windows? I have a mac."
Them: "um.... " *hangs up*
Me: gotcha4 -
How to make Xcode crash:
1. type: self.btn
2. Profit!
I need to add this on my CV as an expert in making xcode crash, not implying that Xcode is a shit IDE !!6 -
@NickyBones I hope you get that PHD
@F1973 I hope you get that good position in a good company you deserve
@theabbie I hope you wake up one day and realize you’re a well-respected expert in your field
@Root I hope you... ah, already bought it
@lor-inc I hope that thing was just fatigue and not a mental illness
@SortOfTested? As one guy once said “@SortOfTested got everything figured out”.20 -
Those who do not remember history are doomed to have serious backward compatibility problems. -- Expert C Programming2
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Let an expert consultant write your code, they say. It will be all right, they say.
Found this today in a legacy codebase.
3 -
On my first dev job ever, I got sent to the client's office after studying CSS on my own for 2 weeks.
Client: "So, you're the great expert your manager told me about?"1 -
So yesterday I posted a photo on linkedin jokingly that I was the in the top 10 of typescript developers in the country. I know that codersrank doesn’t assess your skill but rather the frequency but my linkedin has blown up 😂😂 think I’ve become a social media expert by accident 🤷🏼♀️
7 -
Me: So, tell me more about what you want me to code.
Friend: Well... Do something nice.
Me: Like?
Friend: I don't know, I thought you're the expert...
Me: You motherf...1 -
Rubber duck didn't understand code. So decided to use the expert for Android.
Meet Little Buggy.
P. S. I have 2 more, makes a complete family! 😀
4 -
Fun is, when you get to fix the front-end made by a "front-end expert" consisting of bootstrap and a single "custom.css" of 3800 lines.
Peak sadism. 🤡13 -
*describes problem that a system doesn't work behind an nginx proxy, routing to another nginx instance*
*some random "expert" jumps in*
hurrdurr: It works behind nginx proxy, with APACHE, I don't even get why you would want to run nginx behind nginx omg9 -
Don't lie in your resume or in the interview.
People know you're not an expert at everything, nobody expects that from anybody (and you should really avoid working for anybody who does)2 -
Rant! ✋😜👍
When a rookie is trying so hard to behave like she is a god damn expert in programmng! 😏🙊🙈
2 -
Me: * Has roughly 1.5 years of PHP experience *
LinkedIn recruiter: Hello Java expert with lots of Oracle enterprise experience, wanna call?7 -
Browsing job postings, and some of these requirements are just crazy, and/or wtf. Here's an example:
Front End developer wanted, junior to mid-level. An ideal candidate will be an expert in PHP, C#, and Java. Minimum experience of 10 years. Estimated compensation 30,000 per year.
Entry level full stack developer. Must be an expert in SQL. 5 years experience, BS in computer science required.
Web Developer intern - must have 3 years of experience. Must be an expert in x, y, z. This position is unpaid.
Sheeit.8 -
There's no such thing as an expert programmer. With time you just get different kinda errors. As long as you're not getting same error, you're making progress.1
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Imagine if programming languages were also written in different regional languages like Java in german,hindi,spanish.
Recruiters will reject you by saying u don't know java in Spanish.We need a java expert in Spanish.😁😁13 -
Me: Decentralized, Transparent, Immutable, Trustless ...
Host: Please give a big round of applause for Blockchain industry expert!2 -
Simple and accurate!
UI/UX makes a huge difference to average users. Just because you're the developer/expert user, do not think what's obvious to you is obvious to everyone. Think about being in a bubble. This is why you need collaboration with people in a different scope. Or atleast gather feedback from users.
4 -
I'm taking an entrepreneurship course and there is this one guy who talks empty words just to impress others.
He uses linux and at every single course he opens the terminal just to run the commands "sudo apt update" and "sudo apt remove", the rest of the time he is on discord.
He always switches to the terminal so you can see what an 'expert' he is17 -
TLDR Question:
When do you consider yourself an expert at a language?
More details: there is a really cool Data Science internship opening up near me that I want so badly it physically hurts me, but it asks for expert level knowledge of python, Java, or R.
I’ve only been studying R and Java for like 3 months, and Python for about 8 months, so I’m obviously no expert. When exactly does someone reach that threshold, though? When did you realize you were an expert at a language?13 -
I couldn't figure out why my server went down all of a sudden.This seems suited for this week's rant.
Expert fullstack solutions architect here.
3 -
at a previous job at a shit company ran by bible-thumpers, i was rebuilding the company website for my a-hole boss. I asked him where I should get images from- if there was a stock photo site he preferred or what.
"Just pull them off Google. That's what I do."
Later when I was combing through the site, I saw he'd added images that CLEARLY STATE another COMPANY'S NAME in the image themselves. Nothing like promoting another company on your OWN company website, huh?
(And no, their company name is not ActiveMobi.)
They're still there, 3+ years later. Dumb ass.
2 -
Expert: "The core problem with passwords is that they reside on a server."
I suppose that's true, but only if you're a complete moron. Store a hash of a password, and users can authenticate against it with a password that doesn't get logged. This is technology that's been around for over fifty years. If you're storing passwords on a server, you deserve whatever trouble you get.6 -
Saw this job post a while back:
Junior front-end developer
Expert level in: html, css, js, python, c++....
So i tried to tell them, a guy like this dont exsist6 -
They made more of those "The Expert" client parody skits (the seven red lines ones)! https://youtube.com/playlist/...
3 -
My former team had an "ux expert" who made ux templates for new features.
For years since he started his job, the team was told that there will be a first face-2-face meeting.
It never came to this point.
Instead all the team know about this guy is that his name is Thomas and that he does all the talk and decisions with our client without a word with the team, bringing their imaginations to li(f|v)e...
Genius! xD
No wonder the team got mad after some water had ran down the river.
At first they only questioned really poor design decisions.
But after a while the productivity of the team dropped, because they weren't willing to accept any of those design decisions.
Boi o boi.
Things escalated pretty well ;)3 -
When you are finish doing the UI of the app then your UI/UX expert suddenly want to change everything, because he/she saw much cooler ui in the pinterest. The Horror!2
-
Saw a job posting today for an EXPERT React Native Developer.
At least they didn't ask for years of experience Lol4 -
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
Niels Bohr42 -
This is how Pokémon Go shows errors to its users. It says a generic „Error“ in German with different numbers for different errors.
I am not an UX expert, but isn’t this a really bad practice? The error number has no meaning to the user, so why displaying it? I think it is just confusing and looks ugly 😐
8 -
I'm not an expert but if you site takes 5 seconds to navigate a step BACKWARDS, consider it inefficient af.1
-
So i have been working with a so called python expert my manager on a project.
He has 3 years of more experience in python than me.
The best thing is he shows up everyday with random post from stackoverflow to fix our bugs everyday.
And if the code is in python2 he says that only difference is just put () around print and it will work
🤦♂️
He earns thrice as much i do3 -
Linkedin hunter per excellence. They are looking for “an experienced Expert for a position as Junior IT Consultant“.
Well, I have some experience, but someone should really explain them the concept of being a Junior Expert...5 -
When the so called "css expert" ask you why you're implementing so many things in @media all and (max-width: 800px) because it "doesn't change anything"
I had to teach him about responsive web design and chrome developer tools mobile emulation...3 -
A T.A. in my university.
He's kind of a java expert and the class was about advanced oop principles.
But the way he coded live in class and spoke clearly how he approaches the problems was the best thing that I got from the class.
Needless to say, nearly everyone that enrolls in that class, starts to love java afterwards xD1 -
I'm the git expert at my work. This means every time someone has the slightest issue with git (or the git features in their ide), I get interrupted.
😡😡😡
Also I will say it is fascinating watching people who've used centralised version control all their lives struggle with distributed.
"Do you have my changes? I merged them into your branch..."
"You can commit and not push?!"9 -
It's a job description for an entry level Software Developer role at Apple.
Basically they want
- A Front end dev
- A back end dev
- An iOS expert
- A Gimp/photoshop designer
- A streaming data expert
- An Oracle/Teradata expert
- A Kafka expert ( Not shown in the picture)
And on top of that the guy should be able to learn new tech faster.
Do they want a developer or a fucking terminator?
5 -
Teacher asks the class:
"How do you become a good developer?"
All the students starts talking about algorithms, problem solving or working in a team.
He nods and starts writing on the board. w w w. g o o g l e . c o m
He then leaves the classroom.
So here I am years later, a master googler and a expert stack overflower.4 -
Fuck Udemy adverty. "You should learn this online machine learning course, it's taught by an 'expert' instructor, you'll learn algorithms in pythaan and 'arr, make robust models, add value to your business." Fuck off with your buzzword mumbo jumbo and just be straight with people, don't treat them like idiots.11
-
“Computer science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter.” − Eric S. Raymond3
-
Ad hiring in Iran:
we need a Backend developer who is expert in React, js, scss, and you should have at least 5 years experience in DevOps.
and priority with girls.3 -
When you pay money to Facebook to advertise yourself as SEO expert, but are unable to even properly optimize your own website.. 😬 🤷♂️
3 -
@Baguette is apparently a professional sleeper, please teach me, I need an expert in this domain, I can't stand going to work with barely 4~ hours of sleep / night
5 -
Oh for fucks sake, I only agreed to fix one fucking problem in your shit hole of a wordpress hell, not everything your sorry excuse of a "wordpress expert" fucked up.
We need time travel asap!2 -
FUCK MY LIFE!
MY DEPARTMENT IS IN SEARCH OF 3 PYTHON DEVS (1 expert, 2 "normal") FOR DEVELOPING AUTOMATIC THINGS!!! I would seriously apply because it's like my first dev job without having attended University.
But only for two years... After that I have to reapply for my old job.. but it's two (expert 3) salary groups up from mine...
What to do?
Also fuck python but I would learn it for God's sake19 -
Applicant: I have 7 years of experience in software development industry and here is my repo/portfolio for you to look at.
Manager: I don't need it. Take the 5 hours coding exam.
*Applicant scores low
Manager: You didn't score high. Thank for applying at Stack****. Goodbye
Applicant: Wait, sorry but do you judge all applicants only through an exam?
Manager: Yes. Exam tells how expert the applicant is.10 -
Biggest pet peeve is when someone develops a shitty project using XYZ technology/language and a tutorial and they somehow think they know XYZ and all of it's intricacies and are an expert dev in XYZ. 😐😐😐. No you fucking know how to follow a tutorial and you have a small understanding of XYZ. End rant.
-
!rant
Thanks google for giving me the opportunity to work with neural networks without being an expert about them.
http://automl.github.io/auto-sklear...
To sum it up:
1. Preprocess data
2. Use Automl to train classifier
3. ????
4. Profit1 -
"What? You aren't sure where the Android Wifi credentials QR Code scanner is specifically located? But.. Aren't you the expert?" Trying not to freaking boil my blood right now.5
-
Well... Well... What a multi-talented personality...
Every connection I see on LinkedIn has these buzz words in their tag line: AI/ML, Cryptocurrency, Blockchain.
This guy even has Smart City...!!!
Don't know how many of them are legit... I just don't understand each of these techs are so vast... Still people manage to get expert in all of them in just few days... What's the secret...?
8 -
Had a meeting with about 5 people, 4 of which showed up, 1 of which did not.
Guess which one was the subject matter expert without whom we spent 55 minutes positing what-if's that could've been easily answered if that individual was there?
Yup. Never rescheduled, and that was the end of that conversation. -
I just fucking hate android studio it takes 15-30 minute just to load on my machine . can't they just make the whole ide available through browser 😞19
-
Being a junior and part of a small team at a startup, working with a new software architecture, even the team lead is a beginner in it. It feels like I'm at an echo chamber, there's nobody expert enough to look up to if stuck, decisions seem to be based on opinions rather than an architectural design kinda point of view.
Ugh, I hope I'm not the only here ever feeling this way.7 -
Wtf is this? I searched for my problem and have to pay money to see the answer an 'expert' gave to another user who needed help? And I don't even know if it would solve my problem. That's definitely a great marketing strategy.
https://imgur.com/a/usPDYxG
8 -
Ever had that meeting where it's expected that you will solve cold fusion, catch rainbows and violate the laws of thermodynamics? Just because you are an expert in your field?
Also beautifully demonstrated here:
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg3 -
!rant
Have to do some JS for a web application.
Problem is I'm not a JS expert at all, and there is already existing code.
Gonna be long.
Gimme your energy so I can do it \o/11 -
Sh*t. I think I'm going to lose my job bc the CEO thought I was an expert on React even thought I specifically told him I wasn't. I worked at least 12 hours everyday, sometimes including weekends for 4 weeks now. And still got yelled at for not being an expert.
If you tell your manager: "I only used this tech in my spare time", would they expect you to be working at expert level?
I'm very confused and seems like noone is understanding my side.
Feel like sh*t rn because I really need this job because I'm broke but I dont know how to say to the CEO that I warned him and the team lead that I was not an expert. And yet, they treat me like one....11 -
I have developed 3 apps so far in laravel and I can say I'm in a mid level between beginner and expert.
But every time I set up a new laravel environment I feel like this is the first time I see laravel.5 -
Legit my only answer to fixing shit code for a nursing app at work is.....
Writing more shit code. Man the dude that developed this before had 0 clue what he was doing.....and because shit grew out of control there is shitcode everywhere.
I like writing shit code though. It is good practice.
Writing shit code without knowing is one thing. You really do reach expert level when you write shit code WHILE being fully aware of it.1 -
I'm no Nodejs expert but can someone explain how in the fucking world is node_modules folder is that HUGE! on my slow ass internet it takes couple of mins to pull the repo and five mins to finish npm install! and takes so much ram to build a freaking docker container for my react website when it takes barely 300MB to build both MySQL and Asp.Net Core dockers T_T7
-
Is it me or freelancing jobs at Freelancer are incredibly vague.
Jobs titled "build me a website" with descriptions like "I need an expert dev to work on a python website".
How the hell can you put a price and time to it?!
Am I missing something here? I'm totally new at this and it's kinda baffling.4 -
Well, they are just fucking kidding
Unix guru on entry level... That moment, when you realise that client is too lazy to pick option intermediate or expert, but expects somebody to do evetything
5 -
That moment when you're hired as expert of technology A, and the first thing that is asked of you, is to do a PoC of tech A integrated with tech B... and then they assume that you are expert at tech B... and to be as fast as working on thech A2
-
Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........1 -
Seems like our "DB expert" is playing "Does adding an index here work" with out production database. Second time in 6 months that he caused a massive performance issue. Nice jub moron4
-
That moment when: you lift your gaze from your phone to understand the sudden quiet is because your expert opinion is needed in the meeting.
-
My company started to do very unethical things (or maybe even break the law – I'm no expert) in order to cover up some business people fuckups. I'm seriously considering quitting immediately even though I hoped to stay here for some time as I like the people I work with. It's those unimaginative bastards at the top that make it unbearable.3
-
You want me to be an expert in advanced data structures, algorithms, dbms, Oracle, python, machine learning, J2EE just to develop apps for you? If I had been a master of all trades, I would not have come to you in the first place.2
-
Content strategy expert: How long would it take to program an SVG animation intro video
Me: I'm not sure I've never programmed one before.(still teaching myself)
Content expert: iS it even possible?
Me: yeah all things are possible in programming ;)
Content expert: so then how long would it take
Me: no.
Content expert: but wouldn't it be easier if...
Me: no, go away2 -
Explaining difficult things in a way that they are understandable by non-expert audiences.
This helps a lot to focus on simplicity when programming. And simple means it'll get understood by your peer programmers, it is simpler to test and it will be easier to maintain, and so on... -
It's a sad fact of life that managing dynamic memory is a very difficult programming task. Some public domain X-Window applications are notorious for leaking like the Apple Computer board of directors -- Expert C Programming4
-
So the new guy convinces my employer that he is a Machine Learning Expert. Nothing is wrong until He even convinces my employer that he can do Machine Learning with HTML (<==== is not a Programming Language); This is the time my IQ instantly dropped to ```Patrick Star```.8
-
They made me pretend to be an expert on an enterprise-level job with only a few days of study. It was for a role not even related to what I do....7
-
I am not a math expert but I am almost 100% sure that 617 comes first (this is a bug that happens a lot when searching for top and all)
4 -
$ git clone https://github.com/otheruser/...
$ cd public_ai_repo
$ pipenv install
$ jupyter notebook
Hey everyone, I’m an AI expert. In fact it took me one hour this evening to complete this entire project; code, tests and documentation. -
A famous quote attributed to Jamie Zawinski:
"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems."
I am living this nightmare. Joined a project where schmucks are parsing SQL using regular expressions. Talked to a friend, a compiler developer expert. He told me that regexes can't be used for checking if braces are matched. Pumping Lemma. Those fuckers should have used ANTLR or something. Anyways planning to leave this project.2 -
It's 3 years old but for any of you who hasn't seen "The Expert"..
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg
Still the closest thing resembling my corporate life 🤣3 -
Studying engineering doesn't make you an expert physicist, and studying medicine doesn't make you an expert virologist. Learn the bloody difference, just because somebody has a degree doesn't mean all they say is true and verified, especially if the don't list their sources or talk about it "exclusively" for one media.2
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What's the actual requirements to be called full stack developer? I do front-end, back-end, database, server, my own api's etc. I even have a t-shirt with "Keep calm and hug a printer". I've been doing this for 15 years and would not call me an expert in any part and certainly not privilegied for the full stack title. So what is?
If this was a humblebrag then please shoot me..8 -
You constantly see these professional profiles with labels such as 'Expert'/10 years experience/senior/CTO/CIO/Consultant.
Isn't it funny when you go and work with these people in the field, they appear to be frauds? How can these people legitimately have these titles and know less than a snotty freshman year student? Their knowledge is so poor, a 14-year old with basic Windows and Javascript knowledge could outmatch them. If only this weren't true.
I think it's very unfair because they attract employers and they even get hired, while some of us with veteran knowledge in several fields don't get considered for a job.
May I add that it's always the funny guys who get a job. Apparently being a relatable frat bro at an interview is more important than having priceless expert knowledge. -
So, this is apparently how you concatenate a list of Strings or should I say cities 😉 (with a delimiter between each element but excluding the last one)
I wish my esteemed colleague at least had decency to hide the fact he copied it from SO 😭
Question: what's wrong with this code❓
9 -
I just got called an expert for using Linux 😂 I'm taking this computer research in Psychology module (Matlab), and I was the only one using Linux.
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Okay I give up. I just don't get this docker networking stuff. I need someone to save me these sleepless nights and get on a call with me. A docker expert please. I am dying and my make believe devops engineer persona is crashing on me.20
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You know when you are suddenly push to a new position that you are not familiar with?
Well I just became a server database/cloud expert. Fuck me.
Been Googling for a while now. If anyone has any advice, I'll appreciate it.
Anything free and open source, even better.6 -
As someone who often interviews devs, I can say you should be honest about your abilities. Just because you tweaked someone's Python code doesn't mean you are a Python expert. Stick to the facts on your resume/cv. Also, have a good code portfolio. That shows the interviewer much more than a degree does.4
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Sitting 3h in a bullshit claiming and blaming meeting called 'refinement' as 'the tech expert' while PO and customers fight how stories and bugs should be priorized and importantly enough they discussed why the god damn bugfix isn't alive yet that was promised to be deployed this morning.. I was up to deploy it right the time they said I really have to go to that meeting... Yeah.. Business as usual
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Starting a new job on Thursday after 2 years as software engineer at a different company. I feel like a know no transferable (language) skills; I was mostly "the expert" of the framework at the previous company and now feel like I'm starting from scratch.
How do you handle starting a new position? Do you prepare yourself or just go and see? Am I overthinking?4 -
No racist but most of the self-claimed expert freelance programmers from India really pissed me off! Their resume has one common pattern, many of them are expert in more than 5 languages.6
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[Talk by a security expert. The main point was, complexity kills security.]
7 minutes later a friend via IM: Hey, let's use OpenStack! Just 33 micro services to install! -
So I'm no labor law expert or anything, but this just seems off. Anyone know the legality of this?
8 -
Who else feels like your JavaScript skills are lacking? I have only been coding for about 6 month's and JS for about 2 1/2 of it but still I am not an expert and I understand. But still . . .😥16
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Asking for an expert, what do you think about laracast videos, on php and laravel? (Free course only)5
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Wanna be rich? Become an independent privacy officer! Rent yourself only to companies that have their shit together and charge thousands just for being a security expert!
Every larger company needs one, but almost none have an employee lawfully qualified to be one... 🤑2 -
When I say I'm in "DevOps" what I really mean is that I'm a full-stack engineer, DBA, system administrator, security engineer, auditor, cloud custodian, cost optimization expert, and everything else that doesn't get its own dedicated staff member here. Pretty much the catch all between developers and customer.
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My country has the best security experts. They convince people that they are not thiefs, Then when people believe them and give them their data, They change the password.1
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Came across this in a part of a web service I inherited from a junior we fired last year.
I am no C# expert, but I do believe there are better ways to read a byte array from a JSON string, am I right?
18 -
The more I show up to the office to tackle impossible client demands, the more I realize that I am living in the world of The Expert.
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg1 -
I shared this video a while back with some coworkers including my PM and another department that was making ridiculous requests. Didn't change a thing.
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg
They went as far as to ask me if they ever did anything like that. I, in all seriousness said yes. They laughed.3 -
Have my final exam tomorrow.
Main topic is expert systems (XPS).
I don't know jack shit, but I don't care at this point.
Good night.5 -
That moment, in a meeting when you are trying to show a technical flaw in a manager idea... And suddenly you have a déjà vu moment from the "The Expert" comic sketch...
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Is part of being intermediate/fluent in a tool, language or framework that you've just unwillingly memorized all the error messages you've come across?
'Hey I got error X' -> Just change Z and C and it will work
'Do you know what this stacktrace is trying to tell me?' -> Yeah you forgot a space
'What does this mean?' -> Just add the host to the hostfile
Not that it immediately makes you an expert ofcourse3 -
A few weeks ago I posted about attempting to learn vim. It was hard to get started, but holy shit I'm glad I stuck with it.
I'm by no means an expert(pretty far from it), but I'm trying to learn new commands to use each day. I actually look forward to opening up my terminal and typing. I can say that in a few short weeks, I already feel faster than in my old text editor.
Oh, and tmux is awesome too!9 -
How many of you folks here consider yourself specialist in a certain area? Was this deliberate, and has it paid off? My lead dev is always trying to bestow upon me the advantages of being a generalist in this industry, and yet the employers I have spoken to, on the whole, seem to get most excited by “experts”. If it fits the expert they, want, of course...5
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Well my expert developer friend asked me why 'bugs' were called 'bugs'....
Personally I told him STFU cause he had to ask such an important question when my headphones were on, nevertheless 'bugs' are getting old now, let's just refer to them as 'problematic, chronic, death causing errors often caused by a stupid typo'3 -
Right now I'm standing in this Apple Reseller store waiting in the line and there's an old man who doesn't understand a fuck of his iPhone, and it turns out it's about setting up his fucksucking mail! I'm waiting for half an hour already, am so fucking done with this.
There's also this useless shit of an "Apple Expert" employee who doesn't do a thing. He constantly walks through the store very nervous and I'm getting fucking sick of this guy...2 -
We were building a website using angular 1. We were collaborating with some devs from outside our firm. At some point one of the devs(which was supposed to be a front end expert) had the brilliant idea to migrate to a never version of angular. He made the changes and fucked up all the controllers and functionalities and then he just disappeared. My team worked for 2 weeks to fix his mess.
Dude do you even know the definition of refactoring? 😤4 -
Dev bootcamps? I went to one! Probably the best decision I ever made.
They aren't perfect, they're pricey, and they won't make you an expert, but it's a good way to expedite a new career, gives a good base knowledge to start out. -
Reading all these hacking stories has made me nervous that my server isn't protected enough.
I've disabled password login and setup SSH keys which as far as I know is a big step in the right direction.
Is it enough? What more should I do?
In case you can't tell, I'm no expert in server adminy stuff 😛9 -
Ok.
I am not a security expert, but when i was working on downloading youtube videos directly from googlevideos.com server, found out there was some security issue that allows to manipulate login requests.
Reported to google.
Let's see how it goes.2 -
Has it ever happened to you that you got stuck with a task or a project nobody wants. You know its doable but you hate working on it. Then you do it, even excell doing it and while you still hate it, it just sticks. Nothing has changed - nobody else wants it and you are the expert now. From then on you hate your job, but you're great at it.
What do you do.3 -
I'm not there yet, but hopefully, someday, I'll be an expert in making clean, maintainable code. I want others to look at it and say, "ah, I get it" without staring at it for a long time.2
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I'm sure all of us have felt like this at some point. I love this video
https://m.youtube.com/watch/...1 -
Suppossing that you're a very capable professional my advice is to NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOU. There are a lot of crappy programmers that feels like an expert because they did a hello world.
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Pluralsight said I'm in the 85th percentile of people who know JavaScript and therefore I'm an ”Expert"
So now I walk around like, "bro do you even know how to pass a callback?" 😏 -
Parsing logs to create conditional insert statements cause expert morons fucked up production database cluster.
Database is partially corrupted and cannot be used and they don’t know how to fix it.2 -
"Oh, you only know 10% of how these algorithms work? You're now the subject matter expert, so you get to write the code"
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This movie is so recognizable: "The Expert". Really, a must see for every IT related consultant out there. Not once, I have felt exactly like this guy: https://m.youtube.com/watch/...7
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i am not a SQL expert, but i can do what i need to do in order to be considered a full stack dev
the syntax i have to learn was deprecated before i was even born -
This to good to be true: a script that removes all win10 bloatware and "telemetry" processes at once.sat as .bat, execute and your pc runs smooth...could there a catch? Expert advise welcome ;) https://hwinfo.com/misc/...3
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I was asked to pretend to be an expert to solve a temporary solution for a client in my company. I agreed because I thought it would be a simple solution.
I was wrong.
They only gave me 4 days to train (Including my f*cking weekend) and the project requires a much more experienced consultant since I'm struggling even with the simplest of tasks. Also, the person who was suppose to help me it's not always available. And they are not actively searching for a new expert.
Today I'll talk to my team lead and the person in charge of the project and let them know that this task will require someone much more experienced.
I may get fired but at least my conscience will be clear.
I just feel bad for the client. They are such nice people.7 -
confession
somewhere deep inside me I know that despite I am programming in c and using linux from ages, still not an expert.2 -
Can anyone suggest good book for learning how an os works
Working of microprocessor
Unix
C
C++
book for complete software development form noob to expert8 -
I just wrote my exam in IT class. I'm really happy with the fact that we use a computer for a few tasks. That's how the average IT expert works. Think-code-debug. It's practically impossible to write a Java program on paper without mistakes.
Other than that I named my variables like
boolean iCanWriteNowWoohoooo = false;
etc.
It didn't work 100% in the end but I hope to still get a decent grade.1 -
Try out all sorts of things/technologies and find what interests you the most. Go after being an expert in that particular domain. Also, learn by doing.
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There is a Facebook group I’m a part of called “ReactJS Expert Community” and I can tell you it’s filled with anything but experts. Someone just posted on it asking what the difference between Axios and async/ await is. The only reason I’m part of this group is so I can feel good about myself when I screw up while coding xP
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I think it was very useful for developing soft skills like time management, teamwork, dealing with failures, the willingness to learn and how to approach a problem, etc.
It's not about learning a technology or programming language super good and be the C++ or Web expert after finishing your degree. It's about self organization and problem solving IMO. -
Thank god for Git. I fucked up my webpage beyond repair and I am not an expert in html div alignments. I pulled in a commit I did an hour ago and at least got the page back to normal. I don't even want to imagine what devs did before the days of source control. D:
Tomorrow will be spent learning how to better follow closing </div> tags. :(4 -
The product owner, cum our solutions architect is dumb.
It takes him ages to explain one shit.
Also, he is an expert on triggering useless chaos and panic, thanks to his innate abilities to misinterpret shit.
He thinks everything should happen at 3×10^8 m/s.3 -
I fixed one problem we had at work with SSL over a year ago. Since then, whenever anyone has any problem vaguely to do with SSL, they come to me. The "expert". So I guess I'd like to become what I'm already perceived as... SSLman1
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Some companies: asking for a developer, must have 5 years of experience. Must know C#, php and Python. Also expert in html css react angular and vue. Salary: scrubs. Haha good look looking for the ultimate developer senior for €1800 a month :’)1
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i am becoming our companies excel advanced expert. actually i am just better at internet searching than the rest of us. creating fully automated sheets makes me wonder what all of the office stuff learned during their appreticeship and how they can avoid using office properly while entering everything manually.
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Not a js expert. I'm trying to learn a new js framework so I'm stuck between angular and react. I'm a Django dev, so I'll be mostly using this framework in my Django apps. Which one should I learn? I'm migrating from jquery so please don't be harsh at me 😅7
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I don't like how I develop our apps right now. My team leader said that the UI of the App, we are developing, only our UI/UX expert makes decision on how our app will look like. No developer must interfere. It's like shut up and do this. It's practically insane!6
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When this video (The Expert sketch) became my reality....so many times 😥
https://youtube.com/watch/...1 -
MFW I, a junior dev who just started have to explain what sql injection is to a senior IT person... It's not like I'm an expert in the field, but a little bit of expertise would be nice2
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Tomorrow I'll write an exam in programming. I code since I was 11 years old and as soon as I got to that stupid programming class in school I felt bored. My teacher is an former encryption expert and thinks I'm too good for that stupid school. Well at least I am ready for the exam... That shit is so boring in class 😂2
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Just got off a call with Mongo expert... Seems it's not good for large systems that need to be fast and scale...5
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- Get to expert level on all my preferred technologies
- Get to travel after graduation
- Strive for a better position at current company
- Contribute to interesting open-source projects
- Hope to not go insane in the process -
When a client’s website is about how he’s an expert at fixing his customers’ psychological problems, and he’s got those same problems and isn’t managing them well at all himself, you just
1. Build site.
2. Get check.
3. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to even if you really are curious.1 -
To keep the search results of a self build webshop after browsing and returning after searching, my client had "the solution" to make the product page picture-in-picture. He's a self acclaimed tech and seo expert.
In the end I solved it with pushstates1 -
Why the carrot did people keep asking me about their hacked account? I'm only a programmer, not a social media expert.4
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At what point are you an expert in C++?
Herb Sutter's talk tilted "Back to Basics" (available on YouTube) contains the message "it's easy to forget that you're an expert" in the context of writing code that utilizes the latest complicated features of a language to squeeze out the last drop of performance.
So what makes someone an expert? Is it just writing production code? Is it groking the entire panel presented by a standards committee member? Is it contributing to the STL? Is it when you can write your own compiler while blindfolded and juggling rubber duckies in under 60 seconds?
What makes a person an expert in any language, for that matter?7 -
Why do my parents instantly forget anything they "learn" related to computers?! Like how my mom keeps forgetting how to do stuff in PowerPoint. And especially how she keeps forgetting that "I'm not a PowerPoint expert, I don't use it, and I would have to read and try some buttons just like she should do."1
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My dream dev-power would be to have a prescient warning with a couple years advance on what's the next interesting AND money-raking technology, so I will be already an expert just at start and I could even get a job at the sponsor company.
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Admittedly as an engineer my SQL knowledge is minimal and I develop database driven web applications on a daily basis. Most programming languages have object-relational-mappers that handle things for me. I have a unified object store with easy querying and SQL is handled form me. You don’t have to be an expert in every technology to be an engineer.8
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Being on second line support, I don't feel I need to say much else as I'm sure many of you know my pain right noe
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Why do I keep opening all this shit that has been signed off by an expert yet is completely wrong everytime?!
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1. When you ask the rationale behind simpler programming concepts. Some are writing they are Java expert(5 star in some interface) and when you ask questions deeper than what is polymorphism.
2. When you ask them to show their work on one of online repositories. I aint taking your word on your msterious projects.6 -
At PyCon Hyderabad 2018, I realised you don't have to be an expert to present a talk and most people do essays instead of questions.2
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Yesterday they was a designer or a developer, today they’re an “accessibility expert”.
Those kind of people are the worst, discrediting accessibility by thinking of it as a “I’m always superior because I do the right thing” card while they never really do anything but defending their own arbitrary emotional assumptions by calling it “fighting for human rights”.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...1 -
Is there anyone here who is expert in Microsoft Sql server. Am getting error while connecting to local database.8
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So about a big problem I had earlier in the two last weeks, we were waiting for the expert of the team we work with if they have any idea. But we had to wait for him to get back from their one-week break.
We asked them about it
They have no clue
fuck. -
say you're thinking about starting a new project, you have the basics but not really expert in all the aspects required by the project and decided to open source it. how would you get the project more visibility which means more people involved ?4
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ALTHOUGH A EXPERT PROGRAMMER.DONT HAVE COMPUTER OF HIS OWN SO TRIED
SOME APPS
AND APPS BE LIKE.
System.out.println("hello world");
Le programmer:
5 -
I think I'm becoming an expert in alt aramaic.
Maybe hebrew. Or galic.
All languages would make more sense to me - although I don't know them - than TFS errors, C Sharp compiler errors or anything else coming from this vomitting, miserere suffering pile of garbage....
Hate. Is too nice....
Seriously, who invented this and thought it would make sense?3 -
Not a rant but in need of some help. I'm not a WordPress expert here, more of a .Net kind of guy.
Long story short is anyone willing to help solve a php problem? Deals with form submission and multi images in a form...1 -
That moment when you explain to your manager what the term "full-stack" means and next thing you know you've gone from being a "backend c#" to azure migration expert/dba/designer/api architect/network engineer/php wordpress developer... let's go back to when you'd never heard of full-stack
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iOS/native app devs!
How usual it is for your apps to differ from iOS UI guidelines? Our lead dev always throws a fit when he has to implement custom stuff, but I see popular games “shit all over” these guidelines all the time and do very well in popularity.
As I’m no expert, please tell me if it is generally accepted to not follow these iOS rules / use premade controls 100% of the time, so I know what’s up. Thank you.2 -
I notice something in the news network.
They can be either bias or don't take a stance.
For some topic their reporting is very bias. Only giving a single point of view and just use facts to confirm it. I call it being bias.
For topic which they can be criticize for taking either side they use the so called "expert discussion"
They gather various expert and discuss about the topics.
Start = Undecided
End = Still undecided with a lot of confusions.
Some people will call it Democratic news channel , Republican news channel. They are wrong. There is only 1 news channel since they are all the same.
I am losing trust on the news channel (which I should not be feeling)
Do you guy feel the same?4 -
"i encourage you to take these traning. the trend now is to be multi-skilled. be the jack of all trades!"
fuck.3 -
How do you respond if someone called themselves EXPERT but you know that his level of programming knowledge is PAR with you?🤔6
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I've been seeing job ads saying they look for people who are "good at node.js" or similar (e.g. guru, expert...) What does that mean? I only use npm when I do my reactjs projects. Does that count?4
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My last days at work before changing job. I am an angular expert, and I have contributed to build the first angular enterprise project for my business; during my last 20 days you know what I am doing? Maintenance on a pretty old GWT project that nobody wants to care...1
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Old but gold. The Expert sketch A.K.A. how it feels to be a developer during a project meeting. https://youtube.com/watch/...
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had a question from a friend of a friend regarding a website with search function but javascript only. did his homework. appealing.
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Any Fiverr expert could help me please, I have added new gigs to my account and the impressions and clicks are increasing everyday but I've got no orders for 2 weeks. It's quite strange to me.2
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Fellow ranters, what are your thoughts on if an developer should strive to be an expert on a single language/skill (deep knowledge) vs knowing a little about everything (wide knowledge)?7
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Security expert advices over security is like a priest preaching about the way of life. Both of them tend to same thing that it would protect from `evil`
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When I get a code review by my self-proclaimed expert colleague suggesting a change that ends up breaking the feature, I just implement that spaghetti code and let the testers know I'm not to blame.
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Never proclaim to be an expert even if you become really proficient in your field. There will always be someone who has read a white paper that you haven't that will shoot you down.
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Started attending a fairly well-known college online a few months ago. I'm not an expert in programming (ironically what I'm going for) but I know bugs when I see them, and holy sh*t does their learning environment have bugs. Everything from failed automatic posts to failed link embeds. Even their assessment site will lead you to a colorful error page. Clearly reputation isn't everything.
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I'm spending my weekend reading "Node.js Design Patterns - 2nd Edition". Remember the good old days when a language was just language instead of a constantly moving target that wipes out any prior knowledge?2
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Which is your most loved programming language or in which programming language you think you are an expert??👩💻👩💻
Give your answer below👇👇👇16 -
Any Vue expert here?
I just want to publish a vue.js component on npm.
I know how to publish it, but I was wondering I have to structure the vue component package.
I read (almost)everything about it, but I couldn't find anything clear.3 -
My first session at Hackhands as an Expert. I feel proud of me and my mentee left very satisfied with my help!
Im pretty excited about this, anyone else here is also a Hackhands Expert? -
Is there any way to become a security expert form online courses and get an average salary job staying at home? Need to know. Thanks
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I need urgent answer as quora is being weird like always. Ok here we go. I have a project idea but its really huge in size. Lots of features.
My question is. I recently learned Angular 2 but I know jquery well. Which one should I choose for the frontend? Please give your opinions. I need your expert advice.8
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