My partner has zero interest in coding and wants to have a baby, a week ago she started to yell install baby at me. Told her its not the right command. A few days ago she yelled apt-get install baby. Told her there was a user privilege problem. Today she came back with sudo apt-get install baby.

looks like we are going to have to have a baby!

Was in the barbers having my hair cut and the barber was talking about how hard drives are obsolete as everything is moving into the cloud! Blew his mind when I explained the cloud is just computers and hard drives!

When your client complains there site is slow and you find that they have added 80 full resolution images at 6000x4000 pixels to the home page!

“Yeah, the database password has to be ‘password’ or the code won’t work”
—My PM

Note: I don’t actually believe this to be good advice.

Programmer dating problems

Src: r/ProgrammerHumour

When your client thinks they will get a quicker response by emailing you the same email to multiple addresses, they don't know I have a filter that sends them straight to the shithead folder skipping the inbox! Bye bye problem.

Trying to build a mobile first application that relies on camera and geolocation data but use drupal to do it.... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS .. WTF is this shit?! ... let me nail in this screw with a banana.

"Knowing" Bootstrap or Foundation is not the same as knowing CSS. If you claim to know css and you can't even tell me what media query is or how to make a page even semi-responsive without a css framework, please do everyone a favor and fuck off.

The worst kind of forum post...

> 1 hr meeting
> 30 min free
> 30 min meeting
> 3 hour meeting
> 30 min free
> 15 min "check point"
> How hard is concrete from 20 stories?!

Hello devRant, I foresee more missed deadlines....

I am a pretty well of dev with a nice job and a nice salary. Yet I still suffer from imposter syndrome. It's nice to get on here and read rants about shit I've also has issues with or just feel better about myself because I wasn't the one the person that rant was about. Cheers to you devrant

I need help, my site said it's full so I have deleted everything in the media library but now all the images have gone!

Yes, thats its purpose!

Thank fuck it's Friday!

Why is it still not working for me?

FOR THE 10TH TIME TODAY CLEAR YOUR FUCKING CACHE!

Sorry what was that?

Clear your cache please.

Don't think that was supposed to go to production

Just had a call to follow up a job aplication that was sent in, he is very confident that we need to arrange an interview and wanted to let me know he couldn't do this week. FUCK OFF YOU FUCKTARD, I wouldn't wipe my arse with your aplication your waisting my fucking time with bullshit crap like this in a job application! Your not going to get the job dick head! You have zero fucking experience or any ability to do the job!

Think it's beer time 🍺

Someone fucked up double checking the packaging box was ready for print.

That feeling when your debugging your code for two days only to relies that the file extension you passed to a method and the file extension you expected are two completely different things :facepalm:

When your client sends a cropped screenshot of the API keys and you spend half an hour typing it out multiple times trying to match it and failing, then another 30min trying to explain the simple process of copying and pasting text.

You can send a cropped screenshot but not use Ctrl-C Ctrl-V or right-click copy right-click paste.

The navigation bar closes or opens a different tab when we move the mouse in any of the following positions. YES, OF COURSE IT WILL YOU FUCKING NUMPTY!

HOLY SHIT. short story, just dodged a bullet. Using the Samuel L Ipsum generator and not thinking. I then use this copy to test the notification system with the following text. luckily the system email only went to me!

"Look, just because I don't be givin' no man a foot massage don't make it right for Marsellus to throw Antwone into a glass motherfuckin' house, fuckin' up the way the nigger talks. Motherfucker do that shit to me, he better paralyze my ass, 'cause I'll kill the motherfucker, know what I'm sayin'?

Well, the way they make shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that show to the people who make shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they're going to make more shows. Some pilots get picked and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. She starred in one of the ones that became nothing."

When you receive a mass email along with all your competitors from someone looking for a quote. You know we are all just going to double our quotes as your being a dick.

new guy starts last week. we rearrange office this week and some how he gets a window seat... WTF

Cartoon idea is absolutely outstanding! Great stuff @dfox and @trogus (can never remember how to spell tims name so sorry if wrong)

hey guy just FYI node is not a Fucking cure all.

also "knowing" node doesn't make you a Fucking full stack developer. learn some real damn languages.

Not only is the default password they set a piece of shit, the password field actually shows the password even after you save it, why even bother with security?

Hash your fucking passwords!

The internet kills my insides.

please tell me who had the great idea that someone should put screen shots of a web page in a excel sheet to include as their "bug" report. I cant fathom that someone once thought this idea was "good"

Want to weed out bad Devop potential hires? Ask them how their ideal branching strategy is designed. Such a simple question will tell you a lot!

What do people here use for blogging and hosting? Everything I can find from searching suggests self-hosted Wordpress, but I am cautious because of its reputation in the dev world and since all the guides I have found so far are directed at non-coders. Thanks in advance for any opinions 😊

over 300 issues in jira... plz kill me

when trying to debug something that is out of the norm I feel like I never have enough monitors.

god damn it, your a grown ass fucking person. Why the fuck can you not be mature enough to stay on slack during business hours?! GAH!!!!!!!!

I am having a hard time to find a good chat for my work environment (Slack sucks). Since we have Office 365 subscription I thought to give Teams another go after 3 years.
Well, looks like it is going to wait another 3 years.

Got a new devops "manger" today we had an argument for 20 mins about why Staging/UAT was needed and why we could not just by pass it and get to prod quicker .. WHAT?! I am dumbfounded I do not have words to express the emotions I am having right now.

ProTip :: Avoid code conflicts by commenting out Git header references. Never worry about "resolutions" again

Gold!😂

Save enough from my current job to give me the buffer to go solo;

and it’s a cliche, but hopefully be making games

bad APIs lead me to leaving comments like this
```
// we do not know how many pages their may be.
// im thinking of space invaders here, reverse direction and increase speed!
// only we are just adding one and creating an infinite loop that is only infinite until it isn't```

Having to approach your manager and bringing you that you haven't been meeting your deadlines due to being distracted dealing with depression is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.. If you need help reach out someone is always willing to help!

Oh Monday how I loath you.

Why can you not allow anything to go according to plan?

Why do things that worked on Friday no longer work on Monday?

Oh Monday ...

What does your team us for task/bug tracking?