The room automation (light, doors, music) of a "smart" Hotel owned by our company is still being processed by an API that runs on one of my ex-colleagues local machine. It has now officially been declared as a "server" and everyone just hopes it keeps working.

Exactly

made my day

I spent a day teaching my 3 year old nephew to count from 0 and he argued with his teachers the following day that he has 9 fingers. His parents have been called to school 😂

Boss: Hey we got a new outsourcing project coming up, you know anything about python, sql server and php?

Me: Never worked with sql server nor python but i can learn

Boss: Good, next week you go to the client's place and you start

Me: aight

(week later me at the client)

Client: Ok, your job here will be to fill excel spreadsheets with those fancy functions

Me: :) wut :)

Client: Also our printer died yesterday, can ya fix it?

I think i need a new job..

Me: That's not how browsers work.

Designer: Well, our users need it.

Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing

Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.

Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.

Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?

Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!

So...

It seems that I am building a toolbar for IE11.

Send me your wishes and love.

P.S. Not a joke

Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...

*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*

The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."

Me: "What? Why?"

TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."

Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)

*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*

CEO: "Where is the login screen?"

Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*

The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."

Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."

TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."

CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."

A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.

*A discussion after the meeting*

TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"

Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."

TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."

*The next day, TAB was in the office*

TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."

Me: "WHAT?"

TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."

Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"

Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.

I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.

Oh my god... Storytime.

A customer comes in with I assume is his father or grandfather.

Customer: I need a computer, but without all the internals

Me: So a case?

Customer: Yes, I need a Dell computer outsides, but without the internal components.

Me: Well, we don't have Dell cases, but we sell custom build cases and they come with a power supply.

Customer: *says nothing, but looks interested*

Me: *walks over to the cases to show him* So this is what the cases look like and we have two types, one for a ATX and one for a micro-ATX.

Customer: *still says nothing, but looks at them*

Me: What motherboard do you have at the moment?

Customer: Well, I don't have anything right now, but I'm replacing another computer that didn't work very well. I'm going to be getting some Dell parts to put in here.

Me: O-okay. So this other computer, I'd like to see it in shop to see what's going on with it.

Customer: Oh, you do NOT want to do that. I hooked it up to another computer and it blew it up.

Me: Huh, that's weird. I'd still like to look at it if possible.

Customer: Oh no, it's all wired wrong and... *some bullshit, but stay with me*

Customer: I am the best at technology. My hand has computer parts in it--government funded. *some more bullshit*

Me: Okay... *I try to bring it back around* Well, I'd still like to see the other computer for myself. So you don't have parts for this new build yet, right? You don't know what type of motherboard you have?

Customer: No.

Me: Well, I would get the internals first, so you know what size of case to get, and then get the case.

Customer: Okay. Thank you for your time.

He shook my hand with his "cyborg" hand and I was tempted to say something about "try not to crush my hand," but elected not to. Also during this entire exchange, the old man continuously farted in the background.

Getting married tomorrow!!!
Holy shit!!

I'm kind of scared actually. But in a good way 😄

And here I am, in the middle of the night, trying to figure out why my fucking tests don't run 😄

I work at a small company that uses very outdated coding approaches for their solutions.

About a year ago I went through our main application to improve performance and found quite a few areas that I could tackle such as using a dictionary data structure in place of (many) foreach loops that required to pull out a single object.

That specific change yielded a lot of improvement (you can only imagine) and the other developers wanted to learn the ways of dictionaries (because it was so revolutionary and new to them). I showed them many examples so that they could better understand this data structure.

Fast forward to a few months later, saw one of my coworker's code and noticed that they were using a dictionary... And iterating through each kvp similar to a foreach..... Wtf?!

P.S. that person's salary is much higher than mine :(

First time rant. Thanks for listening!

The moment you realize you're just good at googling and not an expert in programming...

That's when the internet connectivity is down!

Dear person who extended my <T> to <Type> in the documentation:

Fuck you! Everybody knows what the T stands for! Don't mess with my stuff, don't go against my ethics and most of all, don't even dare to talk back on me unless you want me to return the favour and extand that assgole of yours with a cactus

I am a back end developer who is forced to fix angularjs problems because we don't have people. Literally copy/paste and wild guessing. Am I a full stack developer now?!?!
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No, I am a back end developer who can hack front end together if somebody else started it.😉😉

So do these guys count as rubber ducks? 😂

This is much more fun than devRant.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/...

Working with SSD is like working with an old man. It knows a lot, and tell you things right off the shelve, but it can die at any time.

Expectations: I will program like the perfect lover! Fast, strong, safe, and with a passion others only dream of! I will stay up all night loving my code.

Reality: I code like a cheap whore. In fast bouts with whatever personal project will pay me the most in progress. My emotional experience is meh, it is sloppy, the code asks me to do things I don't want to but I say yes to get it to leave me alone, I don't use proper protection, and I am usually working stupid hours.