Oh my dog, why?

My company is a joke so I wrote my resignation in comic sans. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh for crying out loud, Github is stopping with the term 'master' due to its 'negative association'.

Can we please not pull everything out of goddamn context and not be a fucking offended special snowflake with ANYTHING that could potentially be thought of in a way that could be associated with slavery?!

If we're gonna do it like this I want to ask people of color not to use white/light themed websites/backgrounds.

Code review titles by year:

1990 - your code is using to much memory
1995 - your code is not running on window 95
2000 - your code is slow
2003 - your code don't have tests
2005 - your code is not 64 bit
2009 - your code is not using mvc patters
2010 - your code is not horizontal scalable
2011 - your code should be written in js
2015 - your code is not mobile ready
2020 - your code is racist

On Slack
Me: I can't access the VPN
Network team: You have to create a user incident
My browser: 403
Network team: Yeah you need to be on the VPN to access the incident system
Me: 😐

Do you listen to music when you have to be productive during a fixed period of time? What kind of music then? Or do you prefer a quiet environment? I am curious about what are your pro-life-tips devs.

*random person stars my repo on Github*

Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!

*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*

Me: Take that star back you whore.

Weirdest place I've coded has to be in an Uber on my way to my wedding venue hours before I was supposed to get married. I wasn't working on a specific project it just seemed to calm my nerves down, luckily my wife understood that.

Getting really sick of brand naming conventions these days, Youtube just suggested me a video called "Samsung Galaxy S20 Ultra vs iPhone 11 Pro Max!"

Like what are those, Transformer names? 🙄

Interviewer: How will you solve the travelling salesman problem?

Me: *explains the solution on whiteboard*

Interviewer: It is slow. Can you do it in linear time at least?

Me: It is NP hard so it is not possible. For a restricted case, it may be possible

Interviewer: You are stupid. Do not apply again.

Me: *finds severe bug in school-contracted software, emails teacher about who to talk to to get it fixed*
Teacher: "should I report you on grounds of computer misuse and hacking or...?"

thanks fucker, school-contracted company it is.

@ynnk </3

If you are sending me data to use, DO NOT FUCKING SEND ME AN IMAGE FROM EXCEL.

So, I’m a software engineer at one of the FANG companies, and a “friend” from college that I haven’t talked to in years suddenly messages me, asking for my work email. I’m like, why would you ever need that? And he replies, “I’m gonna send you an email with a link, can you open it from your work computer? I’ll pay you for doing that, and it’s totally legal.”

Yeah... how about fuck no.

He blocked me after I refused.

Search history 😃

Some dude's sitting next to me on the train pushing his code. Looks like he's on Arch with pure i3.

I like this guy already.

So True...

More Timezones

Machine learning

My every day life

At home I am root. At work I am at the mercy of incompetent monkeys and their shoddy restrictive systems...

Anyone else?

I guess practice does help.

When the client asks why you billed them for something that was supposedlly your fault and takes a defense when you turn around with the emails and documentation to support that the code is working like it should and was requested by them... Awkward silence... And they still come back with well could you knock off half the hours. Client==fired

Side note.......have been having issues with this clent for a year so it was their time coming.

This shit is real.

Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.

"please wait 5 seconds 'till you can continue with the call" *additional charges apply

That's right ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

God damnit, me and mysql joins do NOT work together that well, this shit is like magic to me 😅

What could be the next option?

My to-do list is a stack when it should be a queue