One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

"It must work in IE6, we still use it in our offices."
While developing a JavaScript web app for a bank with 10 000+ employees. In 2014.

A customer once wanted a button to sort a table column by name (alphabetically).
We told him, he just needed to click the column once.

The response:
C:"I still want that button!"

Just why...?

Someone asked me once to put a timer in an installer to slow it down because apparently it would make the software seem to be more important if it took longer to install.

Ever since being asked this I now wonder does why it takes so long to install some software.. Do developers actually do this?

Dumbest feature request was to hide log out button so that people do not leave the website 😂

Sure I've said this before, but I was once asked to embed a video in a pdf so people could print it...

Our website doesn't look the same on phone and desktop.

Please remove responsivness.

X: Can you link my Facebook account with the website?

Me: Yes. Can.

X: Good. I want to update website using Facebook since I know how to use Facebook well.

Me: 💀

Password field unique in database.

A client requested that right-clicks be blocked on a website so that users couldn't copy (it on their words, "steal") content...

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

We are in 2017! :)

Lets all help them share their startup

1825. Leaving work. Today sucks. My coworker is out and she normally does this weekly report. I need her. I don't like this.

7 calls today, and still have my reports from yesterday and my recap due tomorrow to present to management.

This is dumb. I'm so annoyed I've just accepted it and am considering it just a part of life.

Third call of the morning. No one I need is answering. Boss fell asleep (but went on mute, thankfully) and deputy director is on the line listening in.

I'm hungry. Cranky. And feeling ignored.

To all my dev friends here: please answer your phones of you're needed to give information about your code. These are code specific issues (ie- application/program specific) that require knowing the code to know what broke so we know how to fix it.

!Rant
Fun links I've found today:
http://amzn.to/2xy5g49
http://amzn.to/2xzKEJb
http://amzn.to/2hwULGY
http://amzn.to/2fpO492
http://amzn.to/2y5JQP1
http://amzn.to/2wVelCm

There are more, but I feel like this is enough.

Web developer successfully found bugs in prod.

Bad architecture causes more problems than bad code.

Application has had a suspected memory leak for years. Tech team got developers THE EXACT CODE that caused it. Few months of testing go by, telling us they're resolving their memory leak problem (finally).

Today: yeah, we still need restarts because we don't know if this new deployment will fix our memory leak, we don't know what the problem is.

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE LOWER REGIONS FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS?!?!?! HAVING A FUCKING ORGY???????????????

My friends took the time to find your damn problem for you AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS???

It was in lower regions for 3 MONTHS and you don't know how it's impacting memory usage?!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO STILL HAVE A JOB? BECAUSE IF NOT, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR FUCKING JOB IF YOU CAN'T FUCKING FIX THIS.

Every time your app crashes, even though I don't need to get your highest level boss on anymore for approval to restart your server, I'M GOING TO FUCKING CALL HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Eventually, he'll get so annoyed with me, your shit will be fixed. AND I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR USELESS ASS ANYMORE.

(Rant directed at project manager more than dev. Don't know which is to blame, so blaming PM)

Oh my God..

So that's how my packages gets delivered!

I've always tried to live by the philosophy that you should never burn bridges, but my god some recruiters make it very difficult. I've had a handful of occasions where I've had to type out a nasty email to a recruiter and then just not send it after I realized I wouldn't want it getting around/you never know who they known.

The latest incident where I did this was with a recruiter who emailed me 3 times within a week. But my issue wasn't with the amount of emails or even the fact that he was shopping me frontend positions despite my resume clearly stating I'm a backend dev/data engineer.

My issue was... THE GUY FUCKING REFERRED TO HIMSELF AS "BATMAN". That's right - an adult human being so desperate to get the attention of developers that he set his email name to "Batman", signs his emails "Full name - A.K.A. Batman", and lists his phone number like "BatPhone: xxx.xxx.xxxx"

If I didn't find him so pretentious and he actually sent me a kind of relevant position, what would I do? Pick up the phone and call him and say "hey Batman." Jesus fucking Christ. What an absurd gimmick. Maybe I'm overreacting but it seems so childish.

And you know what, if the guy read my resume and sent me relevant stuff I probably would have said "meh, he's doing good work, if he wants to stand out/be silly whatever." But no, he didn't even look at my skills. Instead he thought 3 shitty emails where he called himself Batman would convince me to write back to him.

I was close to sending him a ridiculous response and signing it "Robin", but decided it wasn't worth it.

Finally reached it

Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.

I never believed in such posts until I saw this today.....

*Double face palm*

When your vending machine throws an unhandled exception...

God is one of us

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"