PM: Did you start looking into that stress testing tool.
Me: Literally looking into it right now
PM: Ah cool. So you'd be ready tomorrow?
Me: No
PM: Why not?
Me: I literally started looking at the tool. I can't promise anything.

Man, that's a pretty serious SQL warning..

IoT + Ransomware = BOOM

Source: LinkedIn

Microsoft is stepping up their game

New bossman is looking for KPIs.

We're an agile team who build a back end system for a large corporation. Specifically the system we build is used by the sales guys when they are putting through a sale. I have no idea where to start with KPIs.

Can't measure number of sales as that's down to the salesmen. Can't measure speed of sale as again that's down to the salesman and how much they chat.

Any ideas?

Other programming languages and cleaning puppy shit.

Situation:
I'm coding in C# and take a coffee break, upon taking this break, I see something on devRant, Stack Overflow, or even just a random thought comes to mind.

Two hours later.
Written various snippets of code in JAVA, C++, PHP, JS - and have done nothing to do with my initial work.

In the above, I have cleaned puppy shit at least 10 times.

Waiting for devRant to send me a sweet sticker which will go here and make me proud!!! 😻

Looking for jobs..
Position: Junior Java Developer
Requiements: Minimum 3 years experience with JEE, Applikations-Server, Persistenz, Open Source Frameworks, Web Services

Honey, trust me, if I had 3 years experience I wouldn't be applying to junior positions.

Job descriptions like this make me so MAD!

Today I made like the dirtiest hack I ever made. I needed to convert people's birthdate into days (starting from 0), and then had to find out the oldest person. It didn't work, because the output was the youngest person... So instead fixing the mistakes in my code, I simply made the value be negative ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dev dirty talk:
What's your Github account? I'd love to fork you <3

A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things.

I've been wondering this for a while now, but how are senior programmers able to (or at least seem to) remember all the code for all the different languages with all the different syntax?

Let me explain: From my experience there's usually two types of thinkers, there's the memorizers, and the logical thinkers. Its usually the difference between people good at history and people good at math. So considering that most programmers would need to be able to think logically (to problem solve obviously), how do they remember all this different code? I always forget the small details which I have to look back at earlier code to see how it was done (Especially annoying for written exams where we have to remember all the code and how to use it)

I made a little tool that checks for the 15 newest rants every 5 minutes, and downvotes them if they contain "algo" or "algorythm".

Clone repo, fill out config.json, and enjoy!

https://github.com/moriczgergo/...

How programmer wanted clients to do it vs. how clients do it.
Btw got them 1k =]

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

All python in one picture!

I just time travelled... Or maybe it's a time vehicle? 😅

(13.04.2017 12.30)

Pretty much 😕

void my_first_function();
void mySecondFunction();

VIM + CAPS LOCK

FUCKING RAAAAAGGGGEEE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hardcoding stuff when im short on time.

That moment when your password is constantly rejected and you realize that the fucking NUM LOCK IS OFF.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
(⌐■_■)–︻╦╤─ 💻

Pair program with myself. It's lonely but 3x more effective than pairing with my idiot colleagues

Time to learn a new programming language.
*prints hello world*

That'll do..

try{
❤️
}catch(){
🍺
}

"Knock, Knock",
"Knock, Knock",
"Knock, Knock",
"Who's..."
"Knock, Knock",
"Knock, Knock",
"there?"

- DDoS Atack

I know devrant is not the place to ask this but I didn't know what else to do....I very often have doubts about weather I like programming or not even when I started learning programming 2 years ago...Does this imply that I don't really like it? Because I believe that if you really like something than you don't have doubts about it but am not sure if I am correct or not.

today is the day i will write a bunch of passive agressive redmine tasks with fucking steps to reproduce the fucking bugs and fucking info on the fucking environment of the fucking bug! i mean you have the time and skills to attach bunch nonsence screenshots with color coded arrows and circles, carefully cropping out info i could actually use, like the fucking url and browser, but you cannot consolidate your thoughts well enough to write down the steps that led to a bug??? fuck these people

*buys new laptop*
opens edge
downloads chrome.
opens devrant.io

Doing "quick fixes" for some tickets instead of actually finding the cause of the break