Details
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AboutI mostly just hack shit together and break things, drink coffee and jump out of planes..
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SkillsCoding poorly, Drinking coffee, Hacking shit together
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LocationYeah right.
Joined devRant on 5/13/2016
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Ended my day today standing in my kitchen trying to cool down after having to deploy unfinished work that has not been properly tested because the business forced us to deploy it. So frustrated and angry.3
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I want to quit. I don’t feel like writing code anymore. I feel burnt out. As fuck. People keep changing requirements leaving me to do the impossible. And honestly do their dirty work.2
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"this office, that is located 2000 miles from here needs a network because of we decided to renovate the entire office starting today.
Can you fix no later than tomorrow?"
We were not notified about this before.
We did not have the equipment.
It is impossible to get an hotel room atleast two month in advance.
Yeah3 -
This trend is becoming really annoying really fast…
Bitmap.GetPixel isn't AI lmao
It remembers me of the "put blockchain everywhere" era.19 -
someone made a port of the old 'nu pogody' game for the F0, it's not 1-1 but still like it... till that points no difficulty rise, will see later, or if I find the source will just modify it =]14
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Manager: How come I go on vacation for 2 weeks and you are able to start, complete, and ship an entire sprint in that time where as when I'm around, the same amount of work takes months? I even got COMPLIMENTS from *the client* about how smoothly things went while I was gone...THIS IS COMPLETELY EMBARRASSING AND UNACCEPTABLE!
Dev: Well. I cancelled all of the status meetings, created tickets with clear expectations, didn't change those expectations, didn't add every idea that popped into the client's head during those two weeks to the current sprint, didn't pull anyone off their tickets to teach me to code, cut the budget for making degrading comments to zero, and incentivised everyone to work by allowing a half days on fridays to work on personal projects if we stayed on schedule.
Manager: THAT'S NOT YOUR JOB! I'M THE MANAGER AND ALL. OF. THOSE. THINGS. ARE. MY JOB! NOT YOURS!
Dev: ...I know.16 -
I can maintain your shitty legacy node 6 code
And the shitty m3 ec2 instance with Ubuntu 16 that it runs on
And another one with postgres 9
But if I have to make a powerpoint presentation, I am jumping ship.
A man has his limits11 -
Employer: so why do you want to join this organization?
Engineer: well like i said in the first 4 interviews, I love desks. Sitting behind them. Standing behind them.
Employer: are you a standing or sitting man?
Engineer: i like to sit in the morning and then switch up to stand at lunch.
Employer: a man with a plan. Very good. Do you remember anything from school?
Engineer: not a goddamn thing.
Employer: perfect. You don't need math. Just emails. You like emails?
Engineer: love emails.
Employer: there's gonna be a lot of emails.
Engineer: can't get enough emails.
Employer: perfect. Do you like a clear separation between life and work?
Engineer: oh not at all. I like it to muddy together in a never ending hell.
Employer: alright and you're familiar with work culture?
Engineer: oh those hours i work for free?
Employer: yes.
Engineer: I love that bullshit.
Employer: alright terrific. And are you familiar with the hate hierarchy?
Engineer: yeah the tech's hate the engineers, the engineers hate the tech's and the managers hate everyb-
Employer: everybody. Perfect. Alright I- honestly I think we'd like to make an offer.
Engineer: well, first I gotta leverage that with my current employer for a raise. And if they don't budge, I'll jump shut.
Employer: no loyalty at all?
Engineer: not at all.
Employer: you're hired.4 -
AWS has identified suspicious activity on my account.
I'm using it for the first time in 2 years. That's the suspicious activity.5 -
Did you checked chatgpt. Its new sensation. I developed some things using chatgpt. But still no luck in publishing them5
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User: *Clicks on staging environment*
Giant Warning Dialog: YOU ARE CURRENTLY ENTERING THE STAGING ENVIRONMENT
Users: Ok
App: *Completely different colour, I’m talking bright unsightly yellow*
User: Ok
Giant Yellow and Red Flashing Banner at the Top of the Screen: WARNING YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING STAGING, THIS AREA IS FOR TESTING ONLY
User: The production environment sure is acting strange today. It’s a weird colour and I don’t recognize any of the data, it’s all just dummy filler data. I better create a ticket for the dev team to check o—….. no wait I’ll send an email CC everyone including the CEO and sound the alarm production is currently down and filled with giant warning messages.
Manager: OH MY GOD PRODUCTION IS DOWN DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS??? WHAT THE FUCK COULD THESE WARNING MESSAGES BE THAT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON STAGING! THE CEO IS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK YOU NEED TO GET THIS FIXED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!
Dev: …13 -
Got laid off last week with the rest of the dev team, except one full stack Laravel dev. Investors money drying up, and the clowns can't figure out how to sell what we have.
I was all of devops and cloud infra. Had a nice k8s cluster, all terraform and gitops. The only dev left is being asked to migrate all of it to Laravel forge. 7 ML microservices, monolith web app, hashicorp vault, perfect, mlflow, kubecost, rancher, some other random services.
The genius asked the dev to move everything to a single aws account and deploy publicly with Laravel forge... While adding more features. The VP of engineering just finished his 3 year plan for the 5 months of runway they have left.
I already have another job offer for 50k more a year. I'm out of here!13 -
User: There’s a bug in the app
Dev: How do I reproduce it?
User: I don’t want it reproduced, I want it fixed!
Dev: …7 -
Teaching my girlfriend how to code and she’s got to the indexes start at 0 crisis.
Just to make her feel better, anyone else remember their indexes start at 0 crisis? 😅
So far the convo is “why does count start at 1 and index start at 0?!? Developers can’t fucking count”35 -
Web products that disable text selection. I hate them, there are 0 reasons to do that, and still it's done.16
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Who had the braindead idea to program the alarm clock to run on system time instead of local time. My clock adjusted automatically 2h while travelling but the alarm didn't! So im now awake 2h too early!7
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Windows, God damn you piece of fucking shit.
Why the fuck can't you make networking fucking easy like literally every other fucking operating system in the goddamn fucking world?
Why the fuck can't I spoof mac addresses so that I have the same IP address regardless of if I'm on a hard line or wireless?
Who in their fucking right mind thought that the pro version of Windows wouldn't need to do that?
I don't even like using you at this point, I'm forced to use you for work.
There's literally not enough explicitives that I can chain together to sufficiently convey how much I fucking hate you Microsoft. So enjoy this seizure inducing tourette's mode compilation.
Fuck shit cock piss mother fucker asshole bitch mother fucker sick and tired of your fucking shit Microsoft you fucking cuck piece of shit nobody fucking likes you they only have to use you because no fucking business in their right mind is going to spend the millions of dollars it cost to fucking switch over to fucking Mac or Linux I hope you fucking choking a bag of HIV riddled flaming dicks you fucking piece of shit.17 -
Ok so our director decided to try out google work space
Plugs in our organizations domain and emails etc
trial then expires
we now cant access our emails
cant login
cant do shit4 -
Boss: we can't accept your MR request until you fix the problems we highlighted, everything is blocked and the client is getting angry
My brother in Christ, I understand your concerns but I need you to understand: you decided to block a perfectly working and documented PR because you didn't like having "<!-- -->" in a couple of HTML files and menial bullshit like that.
It may not be the most elegant thing ever but don't put on me the responsibility of your blocks or I'll smash your face with the coffee mugs I've used to work until midnight so that you could deliver the product in time after someone else delayed the deadline twice already.
Thanks and get fucked ASAP.3 -
Just resigned in my current position and signed with a new company for a much better opportunity. So I hope this will be it.2