Github after Microsoft purchase

>Have idea
>Create repo
>Never touch it again

Whiteboard the concept, tell a friend who hypes me up, never speak of it again.

Clients website got cloned and has now demanded the right click, highlighting text should be disabled.

I can't find a pillow to scream into.

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out They couldn't find a table.

Found that a bit funny.

Manager: You use linux? Why?? I’ve only ever used windows and it’s the best of all the computers in my experience. It contains everything anyone needs: email, meetings and the internet.

Me to HR lad: So yea I need you to process my resignation

HR lad to me (*silently whispering on phone*): I’ve resigned too. Good luck.

My dad at my age: Running a whole department in the navy

Me at my age: Panicking because the company let me have my own project

Thank you @dfox

Glad I could help with the .com domain!

Best joke I have read this week...

Replaced semi colons (;) with a greek question mark (;) in my colleague's c# code.. He's now scratching his head... :D

Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.

"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.

Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

Code runs, time to remove all the System.out.println("AAAAAAAAA"); from it.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

Nice...

Forgot to add a WHERE clause in my UPDATE query for Prod DB, that contained 100K+ Records.

FML

When your mother keep waking you up asking where is MS Office Word...

Solving crashes via *big data*

Person: Check out this “savage” file!

Me: Huh?

Person: *Shows SVG file*

🙄

This happens when production issue comes between Onam (Hindu festival) celebration.

CEO: "What if we invest in our devs (i.e. trainings, certifications) and they leave?"

CTO: "What if we don't and they stay?"

Hot fix of a production bug!

When your bugfix destroys everything

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

I didn't get paid this month can I borrow some ++ here.It will make me feel better.

Coolest business card ever 👍

A recursive bar walks into itself.

Finally a guide for understanding if you should use WordPress for your website