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When I Googled a problem I faced, and found a YouTube video solving it, then tried to thumb 👍 it up, but YouTube said: "You can not like your own videos!"
.
.
I recorded it for a friend two years ago!10 -
He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.8 -
The client: Why you are writing using strange language, why you didn't use English? We can't accept that...
11 -
If programming languages where weapons...
1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.
2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.
3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it
4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.
5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.
6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.
7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.
8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.
9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.
10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.
11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.
12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.
13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.
14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.
15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom
All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com6 -
Phone call...
Caller: we contact you to arrange an interview for Java developer position, what time is good with you?
Me: Sorry Sir, I am javascript developer not Java developer!
Caller: You mentioned in your CV that you are using Java and Ayax for building applications!
Me: Trust me Sir, I don't have any relationship with your Ayax...
Caller: No problem, we can discuss this small technical difference in the interview. When you are available for it?
Me: No Sir, I am not available.7 -
I did a simple bar graph to show the status of a db migration. Each bar is a computer with a db file. As I was bored waiting, I added a King Kong hanging from the longest bar.
8 -
A software engineer was smoking...
A lady nearby asked him: "Can't you read the warnings? Smoking is injurous to health!"
He replied: "We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!"7 -
How Microsoft devs think about Linux 😁.
This was found inside the index.html of Visual Studio Code editor.
9 -
Boss: we are going to build a blockchain. ( he is smiling proudly)
Me: we are doing data visualization boss!!! Why we need the blockchain?!?!?
Boss: I am disappointed in you!!! You don’t read any Tech news or follow the market trends? BlockChain is tending nowadays... ( showing angry emoji using his face)
Me: it is not related to our work by anything!!! What we will visualize? A success of the transition? The amount of it? A visualization of the nodes?
Boss: (shouting) there are a lot of opportunities using the BlockChain in our days, and it is critical to our business...
Me: boss, there many opportunities using the ******* BlockChain, and I am leaving this company by the end of the month... find a ******* BlockChain developer to visualize the ******* process...
Boss: ........ (silence)
Me: .... (already resigned)7 -
Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%5 -
Me: So what you are doing in the IT field?
Him: I am hacking bank websites.
Me: OK, that's cool. It is good in free time. What is your actual job?
Him: I am seriously hacking the bank Web site!
Me: Trust me, if you seriously doing that you will never ever mentioned it...
Him: No, I am doing it legally... The bank hiring me to try to hack the website...
Me: OK, you mean that you are cyber security tester?
Him: That is almost the same...
Me: So you are tester?
Him: I am hacking bank's websites...
Me:....7 -
!rant
Thinking about quitting my job and opening a bar named "foo" where the walls have a tapestry of random foo-bar code examples. (Easy conversation starter for programmers)8 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...
-
I joined based on a friend invitation, then he didn’t attend...
It was two days hackathon...
Spent the first day trying to find any thing to do... but didn’t!
Slept in the place chatting and socializing...
In the second day, I found interesting JavaScript library, and decided to invest my time trying it...
Built a prototype in two hours, photoshop a presentation in two hours... waited 3 hours to the end of the event... present my Working POC...
Won second place and qualified to the world wide competition!2 -
I didn't know any one of them, we just meet at the TADHack last week end. Because my team members apologies at the last moment, I joined one of them who forgot his laptop. The third came after five minutes asking "can I join"?
We established a team from three different backgrounds, and started the work. Each one built what he know, and we integrated all of it together.
Luckily, we won.... I enjoyed these weekend...
5 -
So I went out to a country bar with some friends to dance... and my friend told some random dude I was a developer for some reason and he approached me with his grand idea for an app...😂
4 -
Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.
I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.
Assholes!8 -
Never did I realize how much I take it for granted.. Until it suddenly stopped working.
R.I.P space bar.4 -
Mind blown! Microsoft invented the concept of touch bar way before apple. oO
https://youtu.be/OSFlvml0Sso
Surprises me how everybody is saying apple invented it.
13 -
OK... OK... OK...
Today we reached another level of security for one of our MiniMac in the office...
sudo chmod -R 400 /
Oh... he was supposed to write ./ but he forgot the dot...
Now, even the OS can’t work...5 -
Goes to first job interview. Great interview but, can you send some code?
-Sure-
Sends requested js, css html files.
Great code, we want to speak to you again!
Goes to second interview, waits 15m, meets the sales department. Sales? Wtf?
Great interview but, can you send more code?
Errr?
We need some native JS to really make sure you can write code.
You could've emailed this request before the interview b*tch. That way id save time hurrying in rain and traffic jams!4 -
Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.
No dedicated tester means less expenses.
No personal parkspot?
No expenses!
And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!
Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.
Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.
You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.
Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.
It would be nice if you could build apps as well.
You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.
You finished the site?
Great!
But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.
All hail their crazy company!2 -
Him: I am a software engineer.
Me: That is great, do you use specific technology?
Him: Multiple, but my basic is YouTube.
Me: Sorry, I didn't get it? You mean YouTube API?
Him: No need, I have a channel on YouTube... And podcast a lot about software engineering.
Me: So you don't write code anymore?
Him: I didn't, engineering is more than writing codes.
Me: Yes it is....13 -
Our first programming class was about how to prepare a cup of tea, how to write the pseudo code of this process, then how to write it using any programming language... It was the greatest lecture ever...5
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Clearing the cache.
Tried clearing cms cache
Tried restarting iis
Tried browsing incognito
Tried deleting browser cache...
WHY U STILL SHOW OLD CSS?!?!23 -
I'm planning on making a band called Bar Fighters and will play songs like Integer Or Long, The Renderer, Test of U nit, Learn to Try ( catch )5
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As a developer, you are working with colourful text, strange syntax, alot of math, and all the time you know that you are not the best yet!1
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It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.
Client: We want a car with 2 doors.
We: Here is you car with 2 doors.
Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.
We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.
Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.
We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.
Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...
It's never enough7 -
The other day we had a little celebration because a website went live.
It’s weird
Somehow it’s easy to spent €100 on celebration food and drinks but it’s hard to sign a €90 paper and allow me to upgrade my computer just a tiny bit.4 -
WHY AM I SO FUCKING AWKWARD OH MY LORD! LITERALLY ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WATCH A SCHOOL PLAY AND THEN GET A PICTURE WITH A CAST MEMBER AND IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE FEELINGS I'VE HAD IN THE PAST WEEK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS! I'M TIRED OF BEING SO AWKWARD AND ANXIOUS! I DON'T GET HOW PEOPLE CAN DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS HAS LITERALLY RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE AND I'M SO TIRED OF IT. I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE ME BUT I JUST CAN'T GET MYSELF TO TALK TO ANYONE! THE SIMPLEST THINGS TAKE SO MUCH OUT OF ME AND I'M SICK OF IT! I'M JUST TIRED OF IT! I'm just, tired.9
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Just had my first demo here. The resolution of the screen was set at 150% screwing more up then i hoped for.
I didn't dare to show the iPad version. I had seen enough bugs in those 10 minutes.
Don't put this developer in the center of attention. Please.3 -
1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!
2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.
3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"
4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee
5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro5 -
Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one1
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Im working on a big project with a coworker that is working remotely. Basically we chat and call every day.
Today he is in the office.
Comes in, doesn’t even look or say hi.
Nice working with you pal.4 -
>today, we - junior .Net programmers - have a teambuilding event
>after it we will go to the bar (with our boss)
>the bar is pet friendly
>I need to walk my dog
>he is young, probably west siberian laika mix plus a resque dog, therefore every evening I spend 3 hours working with him
>my boss implies I should not bring him to the pet friendly bar.
>my boss wants me to walk my dog only for an half an hour max and return to the bar without it.
>I guess I won't be even going to the bar, couse my dog is more important to me
>ffs15 -
I love to work in pubs/bars, this special kind of noisy environment works so well for me. I even go "into the zone".
Lets talk about this. Is anyone else the same? Just curious.
These are my 6 reasons:
0) Beer. 🍺
1) None of the activity in a bar actually interests to me, if you know what I mean. In my house, every single noise/movement will get my attention.
2) After some time all the noise blends into a kind of "homogeneous hearing blurb". Like a mantra. Maybe there are even white/pink/brown noise benefits (guess).
3) I go to places where I enjoy the music and atmosphere.
4) I like bars and pubs anyways. I feel good in these places.
5) Beer. 🍺
8 -
My work just gave me a new MacBook Pro with the Touch Bar. Dear Apples, I can’t even!!!!
What a piece is shit! I can’t charge my phone, plug in my monitor or my mouse without a freakin dongle! Worse of all, I can’t feel the keys to reduce volume, I always have to look does at the Touch Bar, tap twice to reduce the volume. How inefficient!
FU Apple! FU!7 -
This is quite interesting and one hell of a find by this guy... Google (and other browser vendors) should reward him:
https://jameshfisher.com/2019/04/...4 -
I used to write HTML line by line.
and then someone showed me emmet.
life has never been the same since.5 -
Never worked before so I'll talk about one of the former staff at my school.
This guy worked as IT and did some teaching in the high school. Early last year, he suddenly disappears for no reason.
Now, I'm going to go in order of what we (the students) found out, not, chronological order.
Firstly, turns out that in class he would make comments about female students. Nothing explicit, just kinda strange. I forget the examples I heard but think like the overly friendly old guy. Those types of comments from a 40-something IT guy. (Some female students knew about this for a long while but I only heard about it after the investigation)
Next, rumor got out that they found some stuff on his computer. I don't know how, but it turned out to be accurate, and we were accurate at the follow-up assumption that it was porn.
After that, the school made an announcement that we had been arrested. Up until then, we just assumed he had been sacked. He was weird sure, but we didn't think criminal.
Some other students looked into the police records, and it turns out this guy had been arrested for possession and distribution of child pornography.
Pretty sick right? Its worth pointing out now that our school has Pre-K through 12th grade students.
I gained a new level of respect for my female classmates after that. I didn't even know that was going on, really wish I could have helped out.2 -
Me: so, what are you doing as a developer?
Him: I am full-stack developer, basically ROR...
Me:...! Sorry, do you mean R&D, research and development? Or you mean Aroura DB?
Hi: no man, I am expert in ROR! You can not call your self developer in our days without knowing the on demand technologies!
Me:... Sorry dude, can you please tell me what is ROR, I don't want to lose my title as a developer!!!?
Him: OK, we call Ruby On Rails as ROR.
Me: ~¢°¤”©°$®”«2 -
Follow up on my previous touch bar rant...
I keep lightly grazing the esc "key" which mistakenly activates it when I don't want to. Closing apps that may be in focus.
Fuck this touch bar. Fuck it right in the nose.3 -
Our team spent 2 continues weeks working on deadline, without going home, doing all our activities in the company, learning from each other, nd developing great apps. Once upon a time.3
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Taxi Driver: Do you like this song Sir?
Me: Not sure, I don't know it!
Taxi Driver: Alexa, change the song...
Me:...5 -
I am good as Front End developer, using JavaScript I can do the job, the whole job. Developing, Styling, designing and deploying the web applications is my daily job for few years now...
Today I quit my job for a new position as Back End developer using a new programming language I totally know nothing about it!!!
I am not sure about my decision... but I would like to take the risk....2 -
Just had the shittiest job interview ever. Had to do two tests. And since i was nervous as fuck and can't do proper JS i obviously failed!10
-
I swear to god you'll never feel more epic while coding than when you listen to the dovahkiin song.3
-
My manager asked me: Did you tested the website on all browsers?
I simply said YES. Then he asked again, Did you test it on IE?
I simply replayed: what that IE? We don't use untrusted application for testing our work.1 -
Have IR in your smartphone? You must try this.
Go to the nearest bar or a place where there is a TV show/match going on. Turn the TV off and run :D. (Order pasta run fasta)7 -
So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".
Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.
Can comeone please fire this guy?1 -
Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.4 -
The taxi driver has Rubber Duck setting in front of him looking forward to the traffic... Another level of debugging...
-
Me: JavaScript, you are crazy...
JavaScript: honey, you can not live without me... If you survive without me, leave now!!!
(That was three years ago)
and I am still writing #JavaScript applications -
My project manager just had a project review at a bar because there was no space at the office. There are literally so many people at the office that we're out of chairs. And space. In a few days three more developers are scheduled to arrive. I don't know where we will put them.4
-
Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?7 -
Can somebody please explain to my boss that using a progressive loading bar when you've got no metrics to base the progression on is stupid. Pls.3
-
Coworker; i’m soooo busy please don’t bother me.
Emailbox: full with mails from the coworker that does seem to have time to write all those -
Metasyntactic variables, you use them, but do you know their origin?
This should be essential programmers knowledge:
https://ietf.org/rfc/rfc3092.txt/1 -
If i can make all buttons on the website manageble.
Haha just asking for 300 changes in a single issue. Wtf -
All my tasks was development, last week our boss gave me a testing task, and I completed it.
He said that the developers will hate me if I keep reporting every expected/unexpected, small/big, normal/critical bugs , so that he sent me back to the development team.
I just wondering if I misunderstand the word "testing"!!?1 -
It was 3 months project, but it takes 9... bad management and the client changed his requirements every weekend. I quit the job after it.1
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Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!
-
So far i've been asked at least three times this week if i like it here.
I consider this a disadvantage...
7 -
So i already worked 40 hours this week and i have still 8 more hours to go.
Made a shift from 08:30 till 23:30 and wannabe lead had the guts to tell me i could work from home.
Maybe it's not a bad idea to leave the office.
And fucking quit1 -
These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."1 -
Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"
-_-' -
!rant
Could anyone explain to me what the meaning of the size changing scrollbar is?
Does it show the ratio of window height over the height of the current rant or comment it the latter is longer than the window?3 -
So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...4 -
I just finished running my first Arduino program, I am perfectly able to switch the led on and off.
Should I add it to the CV!!!
Or should I build the whole traffic light three leds first?!?
I am confused....2 -
#Apple #FaceID
Yet another step towards the God's eye in Fast & Furious. Since it requires a 360 scan of a face, CIA just requires a photo to find anyone in the planet who's using an iPhone X [Stands for Expensive]. There's a reason why Apple ditched the fingerprint sensor.
RIP #Privacy 😶
5 -
Given the recent election, I'm taking measures to ensure the privacy and security of my data. Call me paranoid, but I think the NSA is going to be getting some extra funding soon. I'm already working on encrypting a ton of my data. Any other tips some of you guys could give me?8
-
I'm wondering if recruiters are just as irritating everywhere or that this is just the shitty situation we have in the Netherlands.
I was once called by an unknown number and heard a typical recruiter story. Since i never heard of or spoke to this person i kindly asked where he'd get my information from. Since mr, Recruiter didn't answer and just kept selling his great position i hung up.
He called back.
I picked up the phone again and he told me there were connection issues. I once again asked where he found my number. And again he just acted like he didnt hear me and sells his great position.
Hangs up and blocks the number. Go f(...) yourself damn recruiter!7 -
Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!2
-
This guy... starts at 11. Ends at 16:00... And i’m supposed to work with him while my day is 9-17. No communication whatsoever. Great. Fucking great. Im boring my brains out meanwhile.1
-
Coworker and dev lead had a discussion about newsletter implementation last friday.
I told them, i’ve tried the setup before, it’s not gonna work, it’s behind an ip-block and they need a backend person.
Lead was convinced it was possible and started drawing stuff.
End result: wasn’t possible.
People really need to start listening around here... -
I wasted two days to solve the problem with loading meteor 1.3.4_1 just the last week, and now I suppose to update to 1.4 :'(
-
My task was securing the server, and I finshed it... With only one mistake...
I updated the hosts.deny file to be ALL:ALL which are more secure... But I forgot to add any IPs in hosts.allow... The result is, nobody even me can connect to the server... Luckly it is internal testing server...8 -
Another fun thing. This morning one of the first mails i read was a issue about a bug in our software.
This was a bug i mentioned months ago but there was nog evidence where i searched like mails chats or tickets.
If people would just listen to me this bug was solved months ago but back then i got a reaction like: "works over here" while i tested it on two different instances with buggy results each time. -
Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)
-
I'm a young dev with ADD. Basically I just need to stay up late, and then get myself to hyperfocus on my code. It typically gets done in time to get a decent night's sleep.1
-
Adobe labs released one new component, I played with it after two days. Went to an interview with huge company after two weeks for a developer position, the interviewers was from different departments, they asked about one technical challenge they have, then I suggest the new component as solution, they gave me small task to implement using the component, I delivered it next day... Then they hired me in R&D department. It was great days.
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Without any proper JS knowledge careeroptions are very limited... and i won't be able to pay my rent without a job :/3
-
I have nothing against freelancers but this guy... He stinks. He is literally smelly. I don’t think he owns a shower, soap a toothbrush or a shaver.
He looks and smells like he belongs on the streets. And i have to work with him :(
Worst of all is that is is owning way more then i am.2 -
Last week i had a talk with my boss. Actually he more had a talk with me. Why i wasn’t able to finish my work the sprint before. I told him i had to run not one, but two project at the same time and on top of that had to show a new coworker around.
Some how i keep thinking about quitting this shit.3 -
Did you notice that the scrollbar in the devrant (android) app changes size depending on the lenght/number of posts/comments you can see at the moment? Just scroll down in the posts list and see the scroll bar crawl like a caterpillar 😮1
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I have seen a developer implement lots and lots of breakpoints. For basically every pixel resolution a new one. Yes, it’s literally pixel perfect. No it isn’t maintainable in any way
-
Developing a clothing shop and being bored. Adding clients like Napoleon Bonaparte with the comment that this person is missing a hand.
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QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sgfjajwds.2
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Tired of the same old boring progress bars in my applications, so I made this little gem to keep users busy during slow operations. Bonus: no more complaints about things taking too long. (personal high score is 119)
4 -
so a colleague of mine, which is fresh out of Uni. as software engineer has no clue of what Foo and Bar stands for...8
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!rant
I really like the Material Design guidelines that Google has released with Android 5.0, and maybe, @dfox, you could make the status bar match a darker tint of the app's color, as this color is also used on the recents menu and on my keyboard, and it really (IMO) makes an app stand out.
Thanks!
9 -
Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.3 -
!dev
I was so tired of work last week and weather was so good I ended up in a bar.
People were so nice there so I got there second day in a row.
I met new nice people and cute female bartender who laughed from my jokes.
Was to drunk and tried so much to make her laugh that l forgot to get her number.
Got there next day asked bartender for her shifts, turned out it was last day of her work, she moved out from city for at least a year. So I got drunk again, and so on 5 days in a row.
Well that’s my life. Lucky me... again.
Karma is so funny I can’t laugh for some time anymore. -
So we got back the test results and there is still some work todo on the project that should already been done.
We know we have planned you in for this other project but since we have to deliver them both, can you work on two project at the same time and finish those 20 storypoints in 2 hours?
Faaaaak offfffff -
So, i started at this company about 4 months ago. So far i mostly worked in existing project and legacy code.
We started a new project for a pretty big client, and i'm the one who's responsible for setting the project up. The last two days i've been struggling with database issues. Finally got the site running locally about an hour ago.
And now i am running into troubles because i don't know how to set up a project yet since i only worked in existing projects.
Great. Can't say i'm not challenged here! -
The procedure of introducing new coworkers here is still not clear to me.
I hear a new person is introduced behind me, so i thought i had to shake a new hand soon. But no.
I probably get an impersonal email in about a week when he/she has been working here for 4 days. -
We have a external demo this thursday. We still need to merge a lot of branches and somehow get a online environment working.
It's 30C and my motivation is dropping by the hour.
At least im not the one to actually have to demo this for people in suits giving you a hard time.
But there are a lot of responsibilities open and no one is taking a lead or having somekind of plan. -
A friend of me said that intel Pentium and i3 is the same, that all laptops with intel`s logo have the same processor, you just have to view the info. of yours...2
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We had late night work... So our seniors thought of going out for drinks and asked us to join!!
We beeing the interns, bill was all on them ;)
Had fun...2 -
I am using Ubuntu for two years now, for me it is faster than windows. To have more speed what’s next!?7
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Just saw my teacher clicking 100 times on the arrow button under scroll bar to get to the end of a web page.
Aliens Confirmed -
This is getting kind of annoying now. Everytime i am planned for a (small) project, there is less to no briefing and nobody has a clue what to do.
Then how the hell am i supposed to?2 -
I really want my dev team to ask me to go to happy hour so I can suggest meeting at Foo Bar. Though, that may be why no one's asked..4
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A company refused me few months ago, as a front-end developer, calling me for interview as a full-stack developer!!
I really don't know what I should say?4 -
- Understand programming and how the software work... then choose whatever programming language to build it, it is just Scripting after all.
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Between android studio and Unity, which one si better to make a adventure text game? Why? (i'm learning, dont kill me please)8
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My father bought a keyboard connected to screen and both working together as computer, that was computer full of video games... One of this games idea was writing code to control the hero movement... Then I started to write codes...2
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Don't you just love that moment when you see shit,
Flying.
In a bow.
Through the air.
And actually just starting, just starting, to hit the fan.
Three days before your deadline.
And it is crystal clear the project is gonna end up as a mess.
Total disaster.
But the best thing of all: it's not your fault.
So, you are actually celebrating the mess to come a little, and know that you can blame the guy who isn't trusting you as a new guy, and show him, with all his more years experience, he is the one who can't be trusted.1 -
Because i had some problems on sites in the past that were iOS specific i configured one of the leftover Macs here as a test device. A week later this laptop has been kidnapped and until now it is gone. I can start installing everything again on a new one because one of the fellow workers here is stupid as fuck
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I want to do one project in which using arduino uno and RFID reader to take attendance but for this I have to need 100 reader card which is costly. So I thought using bar code so I can print barcode on paper and no need any card. So does anyone idea where I can get bar code module for arduino uno.4
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Trying to do an LFS build on a computer that keeps restarting. Need to mount the partitions and export variables all over again (ノ=Д=)ノ┻━┻1
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So ive been on this project for months. Project lead did not have a role anymore and now they decide this other guy is the new project lead. This while i am the one having to deploy everything and answer questions from mr Free Lance.
Holy crap i gotta find myself a new job, these people are going nuts. -
So we’re in a completely bugge stage of the repo and ofcourse the client goes: we want this and that functionality live today. And i can’t say no so now i have to figure out if this is a smart thing to do. I guess its not
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Just received an email from a company i applied while searching for a new job. They sended me this little assigment to show my skills since they had the feeling i couldnt show them much.
(they browsed through 3 of my websites while i was there, including a check on the code)
It was a simple layout assigment. Just a responsive page with a hamburger menu (also mentioned during this interview)
It took me a couple of hours to create it and ive send it back in the hope of some positive feedback.
Feedback: assignment was pretty good but it show a lack of php experience. I was clearly more on the .NET side.
....
I just sended html, css and js files as requested. HOW THE F* DO YOU COME TO THIS CONCLUSION?!?!
Damn idiots, im glad i found people that actually do know how to hire people!2 -
One of those awkard moments you’re together with your boss at the coffee machine.
I made the mistake of showing relieve that it’s friday and almost weekend.
Can somebody just shoot me?1 -
So, on top of all my rants from the past... i just noticed that new coworkers, the ones that are just starting in our company are getting brand new macbooks.
Meanwhile i am frustrating the fuck out of my slow Windows machine that i rebooted twice today because it didnt do shit anymore.
I am fucking done here! -
Lol. Because there aren’t backend resources available, frontenders are now implementing Backend functionalitiet with JS. -_-‘3
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Wow! My rights to merge work is just revoked. This is fucking bullshit. Whenever i want to merge my work the project lead has to do it. And when he’s sick ill have to go to the fe lead, who is in meetings 24/7. Fucking great2
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Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.
Scrum master goes home.
Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.
He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.
Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.
I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.2 -
Every team building event, the company run a random draw to organise the teams.
It looks like the random equations not applicable to the beauty lady and the rich guy, they always match together.
What a draw...
Should I give them actual simple running draw app! Or they may hate me :) -
While everyone is hating proper programming languages... Let's talk about quotes in batch files.
What the actual fuck did Bill smoke while developing this boolshit?2 -
I spent three weeks developing the simple application for her, she keep add changes and updates. Nothing about payment, I get upset and stop the work. She took whatever I finished, which was almost everything, used it, and she disappeared.
I regret working without having a clear timeline for the delivery and the payment.1 -
Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar2
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“20” twenty static code if conditions...
if() {} else if(){} else if(....
with static code contains the different names of some users... and he still thinking that it the best way to do it!!!! -
The getting started of react native sucks big time.
If you don't want to display a completely centered text then go fuck yourself or what?
I mean there isn't even a howto on platform-independently not overlapping the fucking status bar. Everyone must've faced this problem when starting, but the only answer is an 8 times upvoted answer on SO telling me to add a hardcoded padding. What.
Where did this whole thing come to..🙁
Back in the days books about c didn't even start with more than 4 lines of code on the 70th page.
And when you google things about it it feels like you doing something totally wrong but its like the first thing a normal dude would do, what if i don't want shit centered bro i feel so useless and dumb i friggin hate that shit just fucking tell me what the fucking fuck to do!😫
It bugs me so hard cus i didn't even know a View is able to stick out on top of the app it doesn't make no sense to me the whole world is breaking apart12 -
I didn't know what I should do with my life..... Then I started learning how to waste it in programming.
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Let's list off all the craziest stuff that happened in 2016. (Crazy meaning unexpected not good or bad)
I'll start with the cubs winning the world series.7 -
So, the wanna be lead FE dev came in late this morning. I asked him if everything worked out with his home. Turned out he didn't have an appointment for his home.
He decided to see a friend for breakfast.
Now... This guy is is going through a tough time with a girl but still... wtf. At least tell your coworkers about something like this. Just made up an excuse "for personal reasons".
No he just stays away and nobody knows how what or why. Like... wtf?
Anyway, he's here now. Surfing tech sites as usual. Instead of working on the project in Jira.
And ofcourse project won't be done by the end of the day
*sight*3 -
Goddammit. I have like 4 projects on my name and a planner who is like; see whenever you have time1
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Coworker is trying to make me look bad by posting a piece of code in the group chat...
Nobody reacts.
Winning1 -
My planning says i’m working on project A and B this week. Scrummaster (who also makes the planning) says i’m working on project C and D.
So much for the reliability of planning here. -
Nothing to do. No fucking work here and im not hired for BE. Fucking BE doesn't do shit and im here like ZzZzZz. New job interview next thursday. Screw this shit!2
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Contractmeeting in 1,5 hour. Its either permanent or i'm 'kicked out'. Option two would be the 4th time already. Whatever the outcome, i'll be ok!3
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Tried (and still trying) to do an LFS build. I already worked with Ubuntu, Debian, and Arch, but somehow a successful build eludes me. Each time I follow the book as closely and possible, but each time I got different issues. I've had to format the partition I'm working on at least 20 times now. Its fun, but I have no idea how I manage to mess up in so many ways.
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Hey 10 new tickets for me today. Hey all 10 are Backend. I feel like i know sh*t. Let's just not do this and be bored instead.
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Hacking events, I always go then gather the team in the event place with team-less people.
Making new friends, having some fun, and solving some challenges.
By the way, I couldn't get a girlfriend using my coding skills, it is not working.7 -
Week before this i had to assign a task for a mailing to a coworker of mine. So i handed him the documentation (partly on paper).
He finished his part and now i need to continue the works.
I asked him the documentation. He told me he shredded it and threw it away. Thanks coworker. You are being useless like never before.1 -
I was already done with the company that couldn't make up their mind about JS. I got a mail:
They're stopping the procedure because they're looking for someone that also enjoys coding in their spare time. In other words: work 80 hours a week. -
Couple of years ago i was working on a custom webshop with a third party designer and a manager. The manager didnt do his job right in my eyes. Didn't have overview of the tasks and was way too busy/lazy/stressed whatever.
Eventually i could go figure things out with the designer myself because he wanted some crazy menu structure.
So crazy i knew for sure that the usability wouldn't come to good.
Eventually deadline was past due and the projectmanager got me fired.
While back the brand i made the shop for went bankrupt.
What comes around gets around eventually.2 -
!rant
I'm a full stack web dev (LAMP, MEVN), not a sys admin. Besides complete control of my os, are there any benefits to a Linux-based os like arch or ubuntu? I've played around and set up both in VMs, but I'm struggling to find a benefit that justifies the setup commitment.4 -
We’ve talked to the client a couple of weeks ago that they are totally screwing up the process with changing prio’s and wanting a deploy every other day.
We are in a new sprint and it just happens again. We have this presentation and blabla it needs to go live NOW!
I’m so tired of this project...1 -
This guy! I have a week off and he decides to rewrite the videos and video popups in this site.
He made it all so general that every video is loaded in every page AND auto plays.
Whenever a user is visiting his or her orders it plays all thos videos simulteously while not showing any video.
This guy.... -
Guess who is running teo projects at the same time. F’d up planning over here. Seriously i’m bothered by 5 people at the same time. How the heck am i supposed to work like this?
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We have a nerf gun in the office here and i'm at the point that whenever i here a click, there is a *duck, hide and roll* part of me triggered. I just saw a guy opening a soda can when i noticed this1
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I was in a meeting the other day which started with a introducing of the members and a basic explanation about scrum.
The meeting ended with the note form the client that the project was absolutely not allowed to cost more then X.
After the meeting a coworker asked who explained scrum to the client. And it was explained twice by two different people. -
Removing Windows and using Ubuntu on my personal device helped me to support the other Senior developers in my new company in few simple, notable, appreciated issues. And I can't deny that I regret the years I spent using Windows like any end user.5
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So there is this project from hell that ive been working on for 6 months...
We have won an award for it. First reaction when i heard it was nominated was: Do you think i’m happy with this? This project has taken blood sweat and tears goddammit.
But today the actual piece of glass came in. I can’t help but to feel proud. -
There is a hack-a-ton here till 23:00. The new guy i am i was thinking of staying and see where i can help...
Last couple of days i've been working on a project (my first real one yay) and at first i got lots of help to get me started.
Right now im completely stuck and everybody is busy here. No help anymore. Fml
The weather is hell atm here in Holland so, even thought i don't feel like staying anymore i think i still stay, and see if i can learn something new.1 -
when I found that I want to do all the possible jobs in the world, I decided to go to developing applications for everyday and everybody...
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Couple of days ago i heard that the wannaB lead is going to leave us. I asked here if anyone could please fire the guy and... They actually kinda fired him...
The guy has serious skills but didn't live up to his promises.
I wonder who's next... -
My team leader (Indian) asked me, in my second month in the job, to estimate the required time for testing some screens.
I made the estimations based on my experience and understanding of "screen testing" then discussed it with him and he accepted the estimations.
When the time came to start the task, he sent me a document about writing automation test for the screens,which was new thing to me.
The task took more than the estimations (3 times) and I have been blamed because I made wrong estimations.
The team leader was the one who blamed me!!!
Never estimate a task without full description...2 -
If i could estimate a schema issue. I looked at this site once in my time here. Don’t know shit about schema’s.
Estimating haha.
Im not asking you an estimate for example building a rocket. Right?
I don’t know this shit. -
I suppose to be on leave after few hours... The team leader added five task to my sprint tasks... No wonder...
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So im new here and trying to find my way. There is one colleague who's been sick for a couple of days and just came back.
Note on the appearence of this person: big, tattooed bearded, but im not scared easily ;)
Trying to introduce myself: "Hi, let's shake hands: i'm [name]"
Colleague: "Are you sure about that?"
Yeah. Great week with awkard interactions so far!4 -
So apparently the variable names foo and bar come from an old military term FUBAR which means f-ed up beyond all recognition.... Those OG UNIX guys hid their memes really well
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Wearing my headphones, without playing any audio files... And ignore anything except the current screen...
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Wanted to remove a underline from links that was seemly coming from a default cmd css.
Even with !important it wasn't working. Why? Why wasn't it just working?
30m later i found out i selected text-underline instead of decoration. -_-'
After 8 years i feel so stupid, i should just like i should apply at mcDonalds and just start flippin burgers...1 -
We have a new official and probably for now final Lead Developer.
Asking questions like: What happens after is push code to bitbucket? -_-‘
Next time i’ll answer that the building will explode.1 -
Finally the site is live. Today all stress was gone again. Still a pity that i have 7 pull requests out of 10.
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So, we should be done with the redesign project for this site and a while back we got feedback from the client.
Now getting feedback isn't a bad thing, until you get 6 pages of feedback.
6 pages of feedback. It took me several hours to plow through it and check everything.
That was three weeks ago. They now want me to check the entire fucking list again, and then some more.
SERIOUSLY?!
When i started hete i was told that this was one of the easiest clients the company had. Because they see us as the experts. Haha.
Appearently not anymore.2 -
Stayed for the hack-a-ton last night. Had so much fun! And everybody actually came up with a working product in a couple of hours. Amazing :).
Too bad the initiator of the whole thing went home early. Doesn't really show interest. -
Yay, starting a new job this wednesday! Really stoked! But, will ofcourse also let the option open for this global organization which will interview me tomorrow. To be honest with you: i don't feel worthy enough working for this big multinational thats active in 75 countries.
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Im put on this project.. But i don’t feel taken seriously.
Lead dev says: go make some html templates. Meanwhile, he is building the exact same thing in the cms.
Right, so what is my work worth then? Nothing -
That was jobinterview #1. Where actually more looking for someone with design experience. Ow well, didn't click anyway. The recruiter could've known this :/1
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So, a new coworker started here about two months ago. He's all about talking but the actions aren't very fast.
I looked at my Pull Request and this guy is writing comments for 5. Where the hell did he get the balls from? Seriously!
Please stand next to the designer so i can slap both of you bitches. -
Paycheck currently isn't compensating the current workload anymore.
I feel like we are missing 10 couple of hands while only three people are on vacation1 -
Wondering: What does define a BIG project for you?
I just noticed we're approaching the deadline and there are at least 6000 lines of css. Not my personal biggest so far in terms of lines. I think i worked on projects with 10.000 lines9 -
Getting feedback from a client like: "on mobile left is right and right is left"
Wtf am i supposed to make out of this1 -
So, been working for almost 2 weeks now at the new job. Worked fairly much on one of their sites and today they have a meeting with the client regarding this site. Ofcourse now is the moment for this site to be f'd up. OFCOURSE!
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When a job applicant on an assigment is asking me questions about the assigment i don’t have much hope for him/her... Maybe better next time
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As a not-freelancer, whats the amount of companies you worked for?
This was #4 and im beginning to doubt myself. Maybe i should do start some other career or something.2 -
I got a call for interview in a company with glassdoor review 2.5! Big company with stable business!
Should I go? A friend said I should not?
What do you think ladies and gentlemen??3 -
Jeej first project. Read: 101 FE bugs to fix. In code i've never seen before. With bare minimum support. Though day. First steps with Gulp are set. yay1
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This is the 4th day at my new job. Just got a call from Unilever. Im invited for a second interview there. First world problems of a developer. What job to choose :/
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IE Edge is supposed to be the browser to hate as a dev. However over here for my new temporary PC it isnt installed at all. Windows 10 WTF?! I need this shitty browser for test purposes1
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This person has never heard of the saying that there is no 'I' in team. He just focuses on the code not communicating whatsoever. F*CKtard
Meanwhile i'm trying to fix everything that broke down since yesterday 00:00.
Meanwhile other coworkers are also screaming their project is on fire...
should i quit?2 -
I have to learn to work with this new cms. And me and a coworker have been struggling with custom faq templates. We told the lead dev multiple times we need help to get this to work.
Still no help.
Im gonna put this on him in the demo. -
Does anyone know if it's possible to make the gnome quick menu (the one in top right corner) into an "icon" to put in the dock as the start button as windows?
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.net
Anything.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.stillCanHaveMoreOptions.....
And then they call themselves developers!!
Developers.listOfOptions. -
Yes! Really fun meeting with the client going through all 180 bugs seeing more as we go . Client getting more frustrated by the minute. Woo! Wondering when she’ll start punching people
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It's almost a week later since i got the note i'm not welcome anymore soon in my current company.
After 6 days i figured out a reason other then: "the fe/be tranfer doesnt go well". I just don't want to blame be-guy because he was busy as hell with at least three projects at the same time.1 -
Aaaand going through recruiter hell again! Not even 1 hour later i already receveid 10 phonecalls.3
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That moment when you are struggling for hours to get your validation working, and in the end it's just a name that had to be turned into an id -_-
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Ux/ui I like scroll bars and think they are useful in mobile. But it appears the standard not to display it these days? Opinions?4
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If i’m having a hard day i tend to put on some relaxing music. Often acoustic or even just some meditation music.
If i notice i go crazy because of the chat i close it completely.
Also there are big 500ml cans of energy drinks here in the office that can come to good use -
Scrolling numbers in Spotify on a iPad while i was listening on the other side of the office while rebooting phone etc.
Best i can do is sticking a stickynote under a mouse. Fun for 0,5 sec -
Do you know how epic coding sessions van become when you turn on classic radio on Spotify and LOTR comes along?
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I completed the 2 continues weeks complex task yesterday evening/mid night. And I am in the hospital today :-) Exhausted, tired, and in total mess.
Love <3 programming will kill us. -
Let's start the week fresh and reboot the PC with some updates. Also because of the while WannaCry drama.
...
Ok after 10 minutes of 'waiting for profile service' i just pressed the button. Time is precious! -
Anybody else struggeling with the amount of work? Either it's crazy busy or crazy silent. What do you do in each case?2
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