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-
Client: We have a HUGE security problem.
Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?
Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.
I’m done for today.34 -
So the person from my previous rant actually tried to make AI in HTML.
Person: I made that AI in HTML today!
Me: Oh really?
Person: Yup. *Opens HTML site*
It was a site that
1) Used JavaScript
2) Was a prompt(), and after answering it alerts "Yes" or "No" randomly.
Me: That's not AI
Person: Uhh yeah it is. It uses a neural network to answer!
Me: Actually, a neural network is a dot product of an input and vectors that are refined using partial derivatives.
Person: Yeah! That's what Math.random() and alert() do!
I left that room as quickly as I could (yet again).32 -
normal person: what's your most used emoticon?
me: );
person: aww why sad?
me: you can actually see ); in 75% of my code
person: what
me: disappears();15 -
Person: I want to learn to code neural networks and cool AI stuff.
Me: Look into Python or Lua.
Person: Those are too hard, I'm going to use HTML instead.
I got out of there as fast as I could. 😅14 -
Person: What do you do for a living?
Programmer: I'm an etymologist
Person: What does that mean?
Programmer: I work with bugs7 -
Person: *glances at my grades*
Me: Here we go again.
Person: I thought you were smart. How did you manage to get a C?!
It was a C (programming language) quiz. 🙄7 -
Wished sudo exists in real life also.
Me: Leave me alone.
Person: No.
Me: sudo Leave me alone.
Person: Sure.13 -
<person>: What do you do?
<me>: I'm a developer.
<person>: What?
<me>: A computer programmer.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I work with computers.
<person>: Ohhh. You work with computers! There is something wrong with mine, will you look at it for me?
<me>: I don't do hardware.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I don't fix computers.
<person>: What?
<me>: **walks away**9 -
Because as a person without a dev background she laughs at all of the same devRant stuff that I do!
5 -
We all have that one friend.
Person: Windows 8 is kinda lame
Friend: Switch to linux.
Person: Need to make pc light
Friend: Switch to linux
Person: Hey should i get assassins creed III or Witcher 3
Friend: Switch to linux
Person: (ಠ_ಠ)16 -
https://google.com”f people near me wanted to show me something.
Person: Check out this zero-day exploit! I hacked into the system using a cloud-based cryptographically secure MD5 hash finite automata firewall HTML code API!
Me: Erm...what exactly did you hack?
Person: *shows screen while smirking*
It was a shell simulator website running “ping https://google.com”7 -
Person: I liked your personal website’s design, is it ok if I use it?
Me: A personal website should reflect your own style of design. Try creating one instead of using mine.
Person: Oh well, I liked yours more so I used it. Thanks anyway!
They literally have an exact copy of the code with different content. 😒10 -
I literally cringed today when my neighbor wanted help installing an app, she didn't tell me it was her banking app... And the thing I needed to help with was logging in... So she told me her bank details...
Even though I said (multiple times) it was dangerous to do so, and that she can't just trust people with this kind of information...
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GOD DAMN STUPID WHEN IT COMES TO SECURITY!9 -
Annoyingly typical office conversation:
Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."
NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.24 -
So, you fucking moron text me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT(when I was trying to sleep) AN ABSOLUTELY MORONIC QUESTION and when I don't respond, because MY PHONE IS ON FUCKING SILENT BECAUSE I WANT TO SLEEP, YOU GET ANNOYED THAT I DON'T RESPOND AND SPAM ME WITH OVER 100 MESSAGES! WTF!?
Needles to say, I was FUCKING PISSED THIS MORING and I send them a lmgtfy.com link(because the answer is literally the first result) THEY GET ANGRY AT ME AND CALL ME AN "ABSOLUTE JERK AND WORST PERSON EVER" (yes, that's exactly what they wrote back)!
FUCK YOUR ASS WITH A CACTUS UNTIL YOU BLEED TO DEATH, YOU FUCKING SCUM!10 -
At a busy restaurant.
Person 1: oh my God this man here is having a heart attack. Is there a doctor here?
Person 2: here's ten reasons why Kotlin is better than Java for Android development5 -
«But... why man??? Let's call it "person-in-the-middle", so that it is fairer!»
All this fucking politically correctness is killing us.16 -
Regular Person = Regular Person;
Regular Person + Google = Hackerman;
Why are people so lazy they can't google their problem before calling help desk?
I hate mental lazyness!4 -
1: Man did you see the latest windows build fucked up design?
2: What are you mean?
1: I MEAN NOT ALIGNING REFRESH BUTTON ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU PRESS IT.
2: What??? Where???
5 -
Person- Hey! are you a game developer?
me- yea.
person- Nice! so, you make games, right?
me- NO! I fuckin' scroll through my Twitter feed!
person- Ahm hah.. ok then, ttyl.
me- T.T6 -
That awkward moment when you open a terminal and the non dev person next to you thinks you're hacking him.
-
Me: What programming languages do you know ?
Person: I know HTML and CSS and little SQL.
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ *cries inside*3 -
Person: Can you hack this person for me?
Me: I don't know how to hack.
Person: C'mon please? I heard you were good with computers.
My face as said person says that: 😑2 -
!rant
Sooo... I didn't posted a thing in a while sooo.
I GRADUATED YESTERDAY WUHUUU
(I hope used the word graduate right)
Today my first day, still in Germanys biggest (and most hated) IPS as an planner of new telecommunication routes (love planning fiber)
I hope I can still dev, at least I am able to spend more money on tools I don't even need ❤️❤️6 -
//socially acceptable objectification
//of women
public class Woman : Person
{
}
//I'll see myself out.15 -
Business User: Hey can we get a sample output you plan to send us?
Me: yes heres a mock
BU: This doesn't look right, can you use real values?
Me (said nicely): WELL IF WHEN YOU WROTE THE FCKIN REQUIREMENTS WEREN'T SO VAGUE AND ACTUALLY PROVIDED REAL VALUES FOR THE INPUTS WE WOULD GET AND WHAT WE SHOULD OUTPUT USING THEM MAYBE I COULD GIVE YOU A BETTER SAMPLE... AND DO LESS GUESSING ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU ACTUALLY WANT...
BU: Oh I forwarded some data
Me: *looks at input data*
(thoughts) THIS FUCKING MAKES NO SENSE!! NOWHERE DOES ANYTHING LOOK LIKE WHAT YOU WANTED.... HOW ABOUT I PULL MAGIC VALUES OUT OF MY ASS?8 -
Person 1 : Dude you should try using GNU/Linux it's the best OS.
Person 2: Why?
Person 1: Umm well it doesn't get viruses, kinda
Person: 2: Can it play games?
Person 1: Steam sorta works. There's wine, and RetroArch is available even though it runs like shit
Person 2: Hm, what about productivity?
Person 1: Are you a programmer?
Person 2: Not really
Person 1: Oof. W-Well you can kinda do word processing... Forget about video editing, umm.. GIMP and Krita are there available.. Um, web apps?
Person 2: Is it updated regularly?
Person 1: Oooh yeah. Many of them are so bleeding-edge that they end up running untested software, breaking/screwing up the entire distro at times. Not that the software is good anyway.
Person 2: Is it customizable?
Person 1: You'll be customizing your distro with the same shitty software everyone else does. And theming? If you hate flat design, you're fucked. Most themes that have a bit of techy masculinity to them end up not working or have a hellish setup process.
Person 2: Well how do I try it out?
Person 1: *Rambles on for 20 minutes about the one billion distros there are when really the only thing important is the package manager & repos*
Person 2: Sounds like Linux is kinda shit
Person 1: HEY FUCK YOU ITS THE BEST OS ITS BETTER THAN WINDOWS MAK ALL OF THEM!111
37 -
Person: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Person: So you're good with computers? You know mines been having this problem...
Me: *Kicking them in the shin and running is always an option*2 -
Person A: "Add a search box, one where you can type anything in. You know, a hairy search or something"
Person B: "You mean a fuzzy search..." -
Holy fucking shit! What the actual fuck is this?!!!
The funny part: this is not the worst e-mail I got from them, the person who is responsible for these e-mails should have been fired 2 years ago.
7 -
Person: "What is bool?"
Me: "Boolean, true or false."
Person: "But why is it called that?"
Me: ...
Brother: "Because it's based on boolean algebra. Made by George Boole."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...7 -
person who didn't know the difference between JavaScript and Java, and yet somehow was a senior engineer.... Bosses Son2
-
Am I a horrible person to wish something disastrous happens just so I wouldn't be able to go to work?7
-
Person 1:
Hello, How are you
Person 2:
I use Arch Linux btw
===============
Person 1.1:
Hello, How are you
Person 2.1:
I am vegan btw3 -
Being the only tech savvy person in class can be the worst. If someone gets hacked they all blame you...6
-
the next person to say I do web design will be kicked in the head repeatedly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!23
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Dev: I see you have tattoo
Person: I do. Thank you.
Dev: I never said it was good
*dev walks away and person looks at their tattoo
I'm glad i got to experiance this beautiful moment -
Oh my god! Using Twilio js I sent a message to my sister telling her that her favorite YouTuber was doing some giveaway and that she won 1000 dollars, she was so happy and then she clicked the link to a blank page saying April fool's. I feel so accomplished
-
I contacted the creators of Nova Launcher because I want the full version. They have both an google play upgrade as an input code upgrade.
Since I dont have any google service anywhere I contacted them to ask how to get such a code because I dont have any google service. This was their reply:
"You would need to purchase the app via the Google Play Store, then once you have, email us a copy of the receipt and the email you used to purchase the app with, then we can give you a Direct License to use since you don't have Google Play Services."
How do I buy it if I dont have any fucking google service?18 -
Yeah so... I‘m an IT student and am supposed to have a certificate exam about software engineering RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
The person from the certificate place arrived half an hour late due to a delay of her flight.
That sucks alot because many students have other exams just after this one.
I always go one hour early to exams so even if 2 trains are delayed I will be there in time.
I would expect said person to do the same.
It gets even worse. We sit there expecting to start the exam half an hour late and guess what:
The distributed exam is not the one we are meant to take......... FOR FUCKS SAKE why did I even come here?!?!3 -
How do you reply to multiple people in a rant without having to mention their names explicitly?
Click reply on the first person, go back, click reply on the next person, go back and so on!7 -
Did some uncompleted changes.
Pushed to master..
At friday evening...
Before christmas....
Still an amazing person😂 -
Person: Can you suggest me some good resource for learning JavaScript?
Developer: You don't Know JS
Person: (Gets offended) I know JS, I wish to have in depth knowledge for JavaScript.
Developer: Hmmm.....3 -
To build a machine as shown in 'Person of interest'.
P.S. If you are hearing Person of Interest for the first time, put it on top of your tv series watchlist. You will not regret it.6 -
When you are involved in a conflict of interest project and its kept under wraps ...but your IT director still wants you to do it because his friend needs something done but don't want to pay for it
Who else has faced this? Or am I the only one...?3 -
...
Person me = new Person();
me.setAge(20);
int newAge = me.getAge();
System.out.println("Happy birthday! " +me.getName+ "You are now " newAge+ " years old!");
Happy birthday to me!😎🎊🎉🍻
(Probably stupid code 😂)10 -
* Conversation with friends on our Discord server *
[admin]
-Hey guys! Soon there will be a programming competition on our server, we encourage you to participate
[person A (me)]
-Language?
[person B]
-Engine?
[person C]
-The goal of the competition?
[person D]
-Story? -
I’m really liking the Algorithm Design Manual so far, except for the fact that there’s not a glossary somewhere for “random mathematical symbols you have probably never had to deal with but we will use in psuedocode examples”1
-
package main
import (
"log"
"strings"
)
type Present struct {
from string
to string
}
type Santa struct {
presents []Present
}
type Person struct {
Name string
Nice bool
Presents []Present
}
func (santa *Santa) givePresents(person Person) []Present {
result := []Present{}
if person.Nice != true {
return result
}
for _, present := range santa.presents {
if strings.Compare(present.to, person.Name) == 0 {
result = append(result, present)
}
}
return result
}
func main() {
santa := Santa{
[]Present{
{"devRant", "Alex"},
{"Johanna", "Alex"},
{"Alex", "devRant"},
{"Alex", "Johanna"},
},
}
persons := []Person{
{"Alex", true, []Present{}},
{"Johanna", true, []Present{}},
{"devRant", false, []Present{}},
}
for idx, person := range persons {
persons[idx].Presents = santa.givePresents(person)
}
log.Println(persons)
}3 -
Which was the worst talk with person of yours in tech field?
For me:
Seen a person want to upgrade his processor to i7 from i5.. just like windows update...5 -
Inspired by devRant, sent this to a person with a new Apple Watch:
"Hi there, what ar....[read more]"
Moohaha1 -
Today's conversation in our odc
Person 1: Jenkins Down
Person 2: YouTube or Facebook
Person 1: No... Twitter
Person 2: Gud it means you guys are not blocked...
Awesome troll...
😂 😂 😂 -
When you realize your client is fucking insane selfemployed maniac whom just sent threats of suing to a relative who worked for/with her for some bullshit thing since the relative wanted out of the company. Luckily we didn't make a formal contract (never reached that point) so I don't have to make your webpage you stupid cunt1
-
Honestly if another person complains about how Java and JavaScript are not the same at all I'm gunna be mad4
-
I use AdBlock. Deezer gave me one of those 3 months for ~$1.5.
Now I'm Premium+ while using AdBlock without feeling bad about it :)6 -
!rant
So this has probably been asked loads of times but I've never seen it. When working on solo projects for yourself do you still use source control like git or mercurial?
I usually don't because when I do personal projects its usually filthy and fast development to prototype quickly.
However, this current project I'm working on I am using git and I'm finding that slowing myself down just to follow good practice is actually improving my code quality and my understanding of my own project.24 -
Talking about some plans today with back end devs... One person tells me the front end devs couldn't make it... I said: I wouldn't call them "devs"... Person says: Yeah, let's not mention that in front if them...1
-
My friend just realised that he shot an entire video of a person infront of green screen, while that person was wearing a pant with green stripe.
-
A shitty job is any job where there's a role "manual tester", defined as a person with no software development experience clicking about some application. That person/role is bad for health and will shorten your life. Stay away!3
-
The person that( breakes the stereotypes and )define new rules is always more successful than the person that follows the rules.
#just_a_thought1 -
"you're the type of person that brings a chair to a stand up meeting".
No sir, you are incorrect.
I'm the type of person that creates a composer.json at the root of your node project to fuck with you -
What the mods of Stackoverflow think every single person who ask questions look like.
Stolen from /r/programmerhumor
-
I can recommend a very good series, which is about an AI:
Person of Interest
It catched me so I think I won't be the only one.8 -
I always wanted to become a business man like my dad and I was going to study BBA. Until I saw the tv show Person of Interest, I know it sounds silly but it inspired me to make my own AI system that can predict stuff.
I could not make the machine or Samaritan, but in my final year project, we managed to make an AI system that can categorize emails automatically without any input from the user. The system can create category names by itself and put the emails accordingly.7 -
Ahh, this particularly memorable occasion, it’s not much of a “fight” per se, but remembering the events I really want to beat the shit out of those asshats,
Backstory, I was working in a project, big one, my previous one, we had all this “squads” to say, agile teams consisted of several devs, I was happily working in my squad namely squad “A”, until one day by the end of a sprint my PO asked me to help another squad, call it squad “B”,
Curious for the reason as I may be, I ignored it at first, after all having the higher up owing me one is always welcome, A and B are having similar amount of dev team, with A having 1 more Front End developer,
Skipping the boring detail, continue on to my first sprint, I saw problems within the team, the other 4 FE consisted of 2 foreigners (call them “the good guys”) and 2 of our own (same vendor as me, let’s call them “the pricks”),
The ones leading discussions most of the time are the pricks, the good guys usually keep their mouth shut, calm and composed, and when shit happens, the good guys usually fix the problem without any fuss, on the contrary, the pricks threw fit all over the place trying to find somone to blame first,
Skip all the excruciating 2 weeks of trying to guide them in the right way, and talking with their PO, my PO, tech leads, etc, I came across a development of a certain feature, PR already made and waiting for review from a TL, then being the impatient ass B’s PO is, he pushed me to ask for a review from another TL, and the only one available is “the meticulous and perfectionist” TL, which is definitely not my choice in any given order,
Simple math, I assigned my review to TL X, wait a day, it’ll definitely be merged within a day, give it to TL Y, he reviews it immediately, and he’ll find all these shit squad B’s been writing, and then I’ll be spending 3 days trying to clean it up, but no matter, the PO insist on having it reviewed first,
Lo and behold, it happened, I had to refactor all the shit the pricks have been writing, again, I took the high road, until I stumbled upon a piece of code that just doesn’t makes any sense, no matter how exhaustively I put the effort to trace it out, an hour passed by and I decided to ask the pricks, let’s call them #1 and #2, #1 being the senior prick, and #2 being the regular prick but bigger pain in the ass, it went on something like this,
Me: uhh, sorry to bother you guys, but what’s this piece is used for?
#2: huh? Dunno, last guy to touch it was #1
Me: eeh, but the line history says it’s you,
#2: strange, I don’t remember, for testing probably
Me: well TL said to remove this one if it’s unused, I want to know if it’ll affect any functionality
#2: well, go figure
Me: yep that’s why I’m asking
#2: well, if you don’t need it just remove it
Me: again that’s what I’m trying to figure out, will it affect any functionality, since time is pressing I don’t have room for experimenting so I’m trying to find some solution by asking the creator if he might have any insight on this matter
#2: well don’t ask me, try asking #1
Me: dear sir #1 have you the faintest idea of what this piece of scripture might mean?
#1: huh? No idea, #2 wrote it
#2:... I don’t remember, I thought it was you,
#1: see the git blame, it’s #2
Me: guys, since we’re not getting anywhere, I’ll just go against my guts and remove it, so that everyone can live happily ever after,
#2: wait, who’s asking?
Me: the reviewing TL,
#2: yes, who?
Me: mr Y
#2: let’s meet with him
Me: what for?
#2: you said he wants to delete the code, let’s have a chat with him
Me: *not this shit again
#2: what are we waiting for, let’s go,
Me: naah, no need I’ll just delete it as you said it first, sorry, my bad
#2: what’d you say?
Me: I already deleted it, nevermind
#2: why did you do that? If the TL doesn’t like it let’s have a chat
Me: and what would be the point of that? I deleted it already, case closed, I’ll take the responsibility for fixing anything that may come up later, I don’t have time for your childish shit,
#2: *glares at me
Me: *glares back
#1: now, now, let’s all take a step back here, blah blah blah
#2: blah blah blah
And they both starts arguing with each other after #1 tries to act all diplomatic, I left them to their own discussion, and proceed with the PR,
Thankfully removing the piece of code doesn’t affect anything, it seems like #1 or #2 forgot to delete it when fixing the unit test some commits ago1 -
I want to rant about a person I know in person and he is here on devRant. It's gonna be a big rant and I'm gonna take all.my frustration out.
So my fellow devRanters, should I do it?6 -
Does anyone else have one person who makes them not want to go to work everyday. That person for me is my SCRUM master.
-
Person: Huge long will it take to develop?
Me: About 6 months, with a team
Person: That long? Can't you just copy <proprietary software>'s code instead?1 -
Only person on my team in the office...and naturally the only other person in my area here is the fucking Boy Scout. I was going to blast JPop, but this sad sack of shit is here.2
-
Our configuration manager is leaving for a new job and now the office is crumbling.
How do you deal with person dependencies at your workplace?4 -
Tryed to update bios within Windows. Let te application work for about 30 minutes. Want to cancell, click on the cancel button. Wait some minutes. Shut the PC down. Doesn't boot anymore. I'm retarded.6
-
DevRant notifications be like "A person commented on a rant that the person who commented on their rant posted!"6
-
Rant<X, Y>
Person A: Where can i find X, and how to do it?
Person B: Why X? Find Y, Y is better, you can find Y in the... *explains Y*!
Person A: but.... but i asked for X :(2 -
Finishing up a two week, four person, project in COBOL. Wondering if the same could be done in Java by one person before lunch on one day.1
-
Confession: I keep applying to companies and research their roles to understand their stack architecture and to f** with the recruiters.2
-
Alright my fellow devs and other tech related/adjacent people, we can easily glean from your rants and profiles what you do while developing. But I want to get to know the person behind the screen. After all we aren't our jobs.
So, outside of software development and related activities, what do you do in your spare time?7 -
I'm binge watching Person of Interest right now and I would like to know the community feels about it.
I feel that it is still futuristic and we aren't there yet. What do you think?1 -
Dealing with clients is probably the biggest personal challenge. I'm not much of a people person, and I find it hard to converse with friends and people I've known for years, let alone clients who are looking for answers for why things aren't working, and wanting you to explain exactly (but in simple terms) why a thing that seems simple is so complicated.
Another challenge, which is somewhat related is expressing myself. This again, stems from not being super great or comfortable in conversations, but as a dev, even among other devs, your opinion on things gets asked a lot. For someone who was used to sticking with the status quo and mostly agreeing with things, stuff like peer code reviews, or giving pointers on how to implement something is a big challenge (but I'm improving)2 -
How do you guys feel about privacy after watching series like "Person of interest" or "Mr Robot" ?11
-
From the jQuery doc page for .click().
I hope the person who has to do the documentation is alright and not projecting here...
2 -
Do you have that one person you work with that you just can't stand for whatever reason?
I've been having a tough time with this one project at work and been falling behind because we hired a junior dev and 2 inexperienced freelancers. So to help me out my boss let me use his office for the day to avoid all of the noise.
I had been under the impression lately that I didn't like my job due to the constant context switching and being isolated for the day was a really nice refresher.
Then the project manager starts harassing me at 430pm saying the client is now expecting something deployed in the morning with no warning or requirements. Way to set client expectations.
That one moment made me realize that the context switching wasn't what I disliked about my work. It's that one person. They're so bad at what they do that it makes my job so much harder. -
My classmate Nicolai who thought me to program. He must be the most patient person in the World! Thanks m8!
-
Curious, do the Recent and Top feeds show all posted rants, or is it different for each person as well?10
-
Doing workflow by emailing word docs from person to person and then wondering why it takes forever or breaks down 90% of the time.
-
Ok, I'm curious to know, who is the person who has been in devrant the longest?
Comment the date that you joined if it is earlier than the last person who commented.5 -
Person: is it possible to learn binary?
Another person:
Yes.
Here's the dictionary: 0=0 1=1😏
Ps this is stolen from a quora quote
https://quora.com/Is-it-possible-to...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
MFW I inadvertantly computed _.intersection(githubFollowers, githubFollowing) and discovered it's == [ ]. Am I a horrible person?
3 -
super.rant("
When you feel the fart breaking through all barriers, just as the barber leans in to get that untidy patch on the back of your head, and yet he pretend like nothing happened.
");
1 -
Who was the first person to learn to Read?
How did he/she learned if nobody knew?
How did the person knew it was reading if he/she never read before?
Going back to the egg and the chicken 🤔1
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