Java is a lot like a 3 legged dog. You know it'll get where it's going eventually but it's kinda sad to watch.

The closest I've been to 4th base in the last few month is base 2.

The fine line between format and quick format is your patience.

when your boss has no technical background so animations WOW him

Win Firewall

mom : i don't understand why my son became a nocturnal being..

father : son .. what the hell do you do entire night alone in your room with your lappy .. go get a gf or get married .. go get a life

relatives : beta (son in indian lang) my tv is not working can you fix it.. beta my internet is not working on my mobile (goddamnit turn on the mobile data for fuck sake )

It's time to buy an iPhone 7 as developer

When your wife is non-technical

Oh, cool, I have this idea for an app...

A computer is Jon Snow . "It knows Nothing". Still does everything.

When one of the newest developers submits code that looks 100x better than his usual stuff and you respond "You need to include the link to where you got this"

Scientists have found that If you just kill the Chrome process, it can give you enough charge to fully charge your Mobile Phone.

No pressure.

Renaming variables is like...

Client: Everything is perfect but few small changes to be done.

Me: Wow, that will be easy.

*Client lists 100 points*

Client : Those are small changes. I guess it will be done in a day.

* Yeah sure I am Superman * :/

Interviewer: where do you see yourself in near future.
Me: to get a 175+ on my Rant.

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

When you have a super annoying problem that Google has been unable to help with... But you stumble upon a link with the exact title matching your issue... And clicking on it gives you a 404.

Years ago, when I was a young developer, I was asked to design and implement a complex but usefull feature. It took me some time, but I was really proud of my creation. It passed all the tests and was approved for production deployment. However, while the code was deployed, the customer asked for it to remain disabled for a while.

Months passed, other features were added often breaking the one I created. But I was relentless. I've fixed it every time. I've kept it ready for great launch...

After a few years, when I was already working on a different project, I received an email about my feature. It turned out that everyone simply forgot about it. You might expect that it was finally turned on... Nope, that email was a kind request to remove that feature from code.

Updating Arch Linux after 7 months.

When you died but forgot the documentation