I guess my dog doesnt like Dev rant. Bye bye 1.5 year old stress ball :,(

A sad day it is

My dog learning nodejs.

manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

class Dog extends Animal {}

When I get a dog, I'm naming it "Sudo".

1: Get a dog
2: Name dog Sudo
3: Teach Sudo to fetch my mail
4: Invite Linux-friend over
5: Yell "sudo fetchmail"
6: ?
7: Profit

They say a man's best friend is his dog.
But a developer's best friend is his log!

!rant
Happy holidays ranters!

7 am. Dog wants out. I roll out of bed after trying to pretend I am dead.

Walk down the stairs to the side door. Half asleep and notice that the door has daylight shining through on the lock side. Didn't shut it all the way the night before. Walk outside. Dog does his thing. Turn around. Doors locked.

Fuck.

Go for my phone. In the house. Go for my keys. In the house. Fuck. Fuck a duck.

Start checking my windows. One opens a fraction of an inch. Doesn't do me any good. Dog is outside with me. Freezing his ass off. It's like 5 degrees here.

Both of my neighbors don't answer their door. Life flashes before my eyes. Put my dog in my jacket to warm him up. Little 15lb rat terrier. Not made for snow.

He's fine for now. I grab a piece of rebar from my backyard and lever my window a bit more open, busting one of the locks.

And then I yell "ALEXA. OPEN THE FRONT DOOR." The voice of an angel responds. "OK." Whirrr. Click. Door opens. Sweet warmth.

I need a fake rock with a key under it.

Great Sunday.

Oh my dog, why?

Dog logic..

The bloke that I share my office with is asleep on the job. Ffs, can I get any support around here?

This working remotely from home thing, just isn’t panning out

Trying to debug something ... someone is looking for attention

Mute your fucking microphones if you have nothing to say. Nobody wants to hear you breathing, your dog, a police car or whatever.

$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

$ touch /woman
touch: cannot touch `woman': Permission denied

$ look into "my eyes"
can’t open my eyes

$ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate

My dog gave me some new debug buddies :D

My dog murdered my stressball

Me and my girlfriend are taking care of our friend’s dog for a few days. The dog’s name is Debi, i immediately started calling her Debian 😃

It’s 2018 on devrant

I just got a new pet too

I’m gonna name this after my real dog. Meet “Rara”

If you disrupt my working flow and you're not

1) On fire.
2) About to explode.
3) You're dog is dead(dogs are the shit)
4) Snoop dog is in the building

Then you're a cunt.

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"
Boring. Overused.

"Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow"
- New
- Metal as fuck
- Works just as well

I'm tired so I let my dog find the bug on my code.

Guess the training accuracy

Just saved a life. I was just walking with the dog (it's 3am here) and there was a bleeding drunk on the street - completely unconscious. Must have fallen on his head. Got the police. The paramedics told me a few minutes ago that the guy had a skull fracture. A few hours later it would probably have been too late for him.

Named my dog sudo, so that i can call or command him with authority. Sudo sit! Sudo eat! Sudo roll over! Isn’t it cool?

but my dog is 25.5 pounds.

Goodbye to programmers best friend. He was the best dog, the best listener, a great pair programmer, and someone to keep my lap warm while I work. And more than all of that, even though he was a dog...he was my friend. Goodnight buddy. I hope I see you on the other side.

Triggered

This makes getting any work done slightly more difficult. Maybe I should try dog debugging

New rant = Rant.type(['non-dev', 'public transportation']).init()

So i am taking the bus now to see a friend, and this fucking whale woman comes on board with a baby caddy, except, it wasn't for a baby, but for a fucking dog the size of a brick. That already in itself makes me grumble because dogs have fucking legs and there is no fucking real need to carry them around like newborns.... Anyways this woman sits and takes up a lot of space for the 'handicapped' persons for her fucking baby dog... So far no real issue there since people with disabilities hardly get on this bus line. A fzw bus stops later an equally whale black woman gets on the bus, obviously struggling with her size and her caddy filled with groceries...

There is enough room to accomodate the baby caddy and her groceries.
That fucking white whale says to her 'there is no room there, move someplace else'... The black woman stands there in disbelief, and this is the first time i look up, giving the 'the fuck you just say bitch' look to the white whale. I mention there is enough room and the black whale sits carefully next to the dog caddy.

Now the bus takes a sharp turn, the dog caddy tips over due to the g-forces it causes...and inmediately this white whale shouts to the black whale 'fucking retard, don't tip my dog over!' this while the black woman apologises for the fall of the caddy not even being her fault...

This angered me so puch that i rantzd to this woman: 'madam, thzre is such a thing called physics, the bus made a sharp turn and your stupud useless space-wasting dog caddy tipped over bzcause of that. Don't just go accusing people for your own degenerate racist lifestyle. I suggest you hold on to it and apologise to the lady'

She then murmles incomprehensibly and gives a butthurt look, rhe black woman thanks me and tries to remain very quiet on her seat, eventually she gets off

This fucking thing makes me angry to a level i wanna toeturz that whale by peeling off her skin with garden fence metal wiri g, suck the fat out of her body and brain with an industrial vacuum cleaner and put her in the fucking oven baking in her own fat, of course without any anesthetics...

Damnit all to hell!

Also, why on earth do dogs need caddy's? They got perfectly fine legs!

I know, sadist inside

No dog command.

For the love of dog, if I select English on your online store, it doesnt mean I live in the UK, therefore show me prices in £ pounds, It just means I cannot speak German but I need to read English, but pay in € Euros!!! Can people please stop confusing Language with Location!!!!

The coding buddy thread, pet edition.

I really love my job these cold, rainy autumn days with yellow trees, where I can work from home having a nice fire going in the fireplace and the dog sleeping on my feet :-)

Today I gained thousand ++'s and got a dog... I left the dog home alone and
...

I love @Letmecode.
My favorite lines from him
"As useful as Anne Frank's drum kit"
"Between shooting heroine and selling his body for it"
"7 ways to suck your dog off without waking it up."
Gold! Elegance!

Even Rocky hates windows

Considering naming my dog Sudo because he never listen to my commands. -.-

So the devDucks arrived today and the dog is more excited than I am. He's been staring at the box the whole time.

I just nailed an online interview for a job that I’ve been trying to get for ages

However, during the interview my dog just would not stop barking. I told the interviewer that I needed just a second to take care of it, and I got up to put my dog in another room.

Although I had a nice dress shirt on to appear professional, I didn’t think it was necessary to put on dress pants since only my upper half would be on screen, I instead opted for a pair of comfortable green athletic shorts and moccasins. I did not realize until after the interview was over that I had accidentally made a fool of myself by showing my entire outfit while walking to my bedroom door. I bet he will have a good laugh with his colleagues about that one.

Me: I'm gonna be productive today. Will complete this task in one hour!
*starts coding enthusiastically*
After two minutes...
*facebook*
*cat video*
Awwwww
*dog video*
Lol heheh!
*cute kittens n puppies*
Heh, silly cat
*more cats, dogs*
*accidentally notices the time*
Crap! 1.5 hours gone waste....

EVERY FUCKING DAY ANOTHER RETARD ON MY DOORKNOB WHO HAS TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS GREAT IDEA.

I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT VOICE ENABLED MUSIC PLAYER APPS. SO THAT YOU CAN CHANGE SONGS WHILE TAKING A SHOWER

NO ONE WANTS A GPS TRACKER APP FOR THEIR FUCKING DOG AND HOW DO YOU EVEN REMOTLY THINK THAT YOUR FUCKING DOG HAS BUILD IN GPS ANYWAY

AND NO WE WILL NOT MAKE BILLIONS AND TAKE YOUR 10% SHARE UP YOUR ANUS. YOUR IDEA IS AS WORTHLESS AS YOUR EDUCATION WAS OBVIOUSLY.

I brought my pet dog to devrant

Here is the equivalent of every single mid sized "php" project listed on freelancer now:

I'd like a custom designed electric car.
Budget: $750.

And in 1999:

I need a literal pile of dog poop.
Budget: $10,000

Me : "Hey the proxies aren't working anymore"

Them : "The what ?"

Me : "The what-you-call 'webs references'"

Them : Ooooh right

Yeah let's just call a cat a dog

For 30+ years I thought I needed faster computers. Turns out what I needed was a dog.

I'm a freelance iOS developer / UI designer and working on a pet related startup. I deal with lot of pets. My parents thinks that I'm full-time dog care taker.

As a programmer, I either feel like I’m a god and I’m superior to everyone in this company OR I am an idiot and everyone knows what they are doing except me.

Programming is an illusion. It’s just a “feeling”. Programming doesn’t exist.

Have you seen that movie Up? The one with the dog that's easily distracted? Yea I'm that dog.

I'll work for about 15-20 or until I fix something the way iike it, and then I end up getting distracted for another 5-10 minutes.

Folks, introducing my first pet in devrant...
His name is Charlie.
Charlie, say hi to all dev ranters....

I'll just leave this here **Leaves quietly**

My dog is like internet explorer...
He never responds to my commands

Random acts of cuteness. This is my wife’s new therapy dog. It’s a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel.

I dont know if this has already been mentioned but I love how the tiny dog costs a little more ++ that all the others 😁

!Rant
Yassss 🙌🏼 I'm dying. Your dog 🐶😂🤣

"Get your devRant custom cartoon avatar on stickers! We can now print glossy sticky-back 1.75" (4.5cm) circles of your personalized avatar to place on your laptop, your refrigerator, your dog, wherever!"
@dfox genius

He's a bit bigger than a duck, but he does the job just as well.

My dog decided to use the laptop as a pillow! 😂🐶💻

Most rant summarize :-/

I'm pissed off 😠!
Why you might ask, well....

So I woke up, went to my pc to see if destiny 2 had finished downloading!
1. My dog shit right next to my pc
2. Destiny 2 wasn't downloaded (after 13 hours)

Just got myself one of these! Hope it holds up to its predecessor's reputation.

Now only if I could find that annoying dog...

Noooooo

... I'm so done... Our dog died last night, in the arms of my father... And the worst is, my little brother has seen everything and even tried a CPR on him... It's destroying me. Why is life so cruel? R. I. P. Buddy, we'll miss you 😢

Im a dog

When your boss tells you "stop yawning!"

!rant

Soon I'll get you, cute little dog. But it's still a long way writing stories of me screaming and complaining about everyone and everything.

I think I just figured out the function the matrix used for my gf's dog.

Public Action GetOrder(string humantalk)
{
If (Order.parse(humantalk)
.VoiceLevel > Int.MaxValue)
{
while (true)
{
this.bark();
}
}

return dogsAction.Parse('eat hand');
}

Definitly !rant; btw long post ahead

Soooo not so long ago i joined this community by chance just cuz i installed some app randomly found on google store and what can i say. Best decision ever!

I can say i never met such an interesting and diverse communitiy ever and i kin of ground fond of it (i usually dont get too attached to peoples).

After a while i felt the urge to get myself involved into some disscusion at some random post and i did it. But it felt empty as my image was just a plain green bubble of anonymity. But yeh, i am cool with it, i will customize it after some ++es. No problem!

I got incremented for a while and i got to make a simple generic avatar. I felt again a urge, but this time to customize even more. Sadly, anything cool needs approval by the people. Soo i kind of let it go as i am not really the kind to find myself talking in other businesses and i moved over.

Until i saw it! Not the tiger, not the bird but the dog! Annnd i wanted it so i made a joke that i am a wizard with an invisible dog. What can go wrong, right? Well the thing is.. it did not go wrong, as expected, but it went great, kinda unexpected.

How? Well, some random stranger felt me and gave me a hunble chance to get closer to my dreamy real dog. And so it begin, my crusade to get that damn dog!

But what i have realised fast is .. this is not facebook! Nor Instagram! People doesnot upvote attention whoreing or such lowly acts, but they are actually prone to support people who just.. get involved.

And so i did. I got involved. I actually got involved in a community! For a awkwardly introvert person that's something, but maybe more than few of you people can relate to this.

And today i finally reached that goal! I have a real doggo! Well, real as in not invisible, not as in a great responsability, but now i have both. But this was not such a big deal. The big deal is that i found people whos interests are alike to mine and are prone to help, support and befriend others. I must say, thanks to all! Wonderful time, and while i am not here for a long time, i will surely be!

Cheers and dev on!

Me - I am sorry my dog eats my homework

Comp sci professor - your dog eat your coding assignment?

Me - ...

Professor - ...

Me - it took him couple bytes

The best tester one could ever get.
His face says it all about my coding style.

I'm the dog.

My father was very supportive. Every time I was studying he'd take the dog for a walk, do the dishes and whatnot so I could study quietly and uninterrupted.

The rest of my family was supportive as well but not on that level. They always told me how awesome it is and do what I love.

I had a girlfriend
She ransomware
Now I wannacry
Can i petya dog?

> 1:1 meeting with a CTO from Fortune 500 (any minute now)
> spilled coffee over the table and both computers

*taking a dog outside, so she doesn’t talk during the meeting*

> some dudes injecting drugs in the corner

My day is a shitty Hollywood movie 🍿

Showing you my dog because why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm beyond pissed as of now. hostgator, FUCK YOU.
YOUR GODDAMN PORTAL IS DOWN. PORTAL.HOSTGATOR.COM IS DOWN.
PLEASE HOSTGATOR, STOP BEING A BIGGER BITCH THAN MY LARGE FEMALE DOG.

end of rant, a hosting company should really be able to keep THEIR OWN FUCKING WEBSITE UP.

In Russia we call “@“ symbol “a dog”. I always wonder why

Belorussians call it “slime” though

I'm currently taking another dive into haskell. I didn't know you needed a masters degree in theoretical something to print text on stdout.

Note to myself: make dog-emoji-based language huskyell

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

!rant
> Joins voice chat with friends
> They're talking about virtual data quantities.
> One of them mentions petabyte.
> Everybody except me proceeds by making jokes about how "petabyte" sounds like dog food and other miscellaneous things.

As a developer, I'm sometimes accused of pulling strings out my arse.
As a dog owner, I've literally just had to pull a string out of my dog's arse.

I really wish she'd stop eating fabric.

>today, we - junior .Net programmers - have a teambuilding event
>after it we will go to the bar (with our boss)
>the bar is pet friendly
>I need to walk my dog
>he is young, probably west siberian laika mix plus a resque dog, therefore every evening I spend 3 hours working with him
>my boss implies I should not bring him to the pet friendly bar.
>my boss wants me to walk my dog only for an half an hour max and return to the bar without it.
>I guess I won't be even going to the bar, couse my dog is more important to me
>ffs

Manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

Dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

namespace Vetcentre{
class Dog : Animal {

}
}

Hahaha!!!

Dog of the day

How Real programmers code :

Pfff real programmers use a puppy and have it chase a frisbee where the frisbee hits a flower disrupting a bees honey sucking so it goes home to beat it's wife which again the wife bee gets pissed off and stings my dumb client who mashes some buttons on a keyboard by mistake whilst using my software which fucks up my program and I have to tell him that my program is fine and if he didn't try walking in the garden holding his laptop because of his poor WiFi connection then all of this wouldn't've happened.

On way to work.

Almost stepped over a dead cat! 😷

I hate this fucking country.

*Walking past a stray dog staring at me atm*

No line for the bathroom. Listening to music without headphones. Getting up and pacing around like a crazy person when I'm thinking. Cursing loudly. Not wearing pants. Petting my dog frequently.

WFH is the best

!rant
I don't have a rubberduck so I'm using this origami dog that I made and glued it to my wall for "origami-dog-debugging"? I'm calling him Padfoot.

I was freaking out today when a program I have to demo in two days suddenly stopped working correctly. Turned out not that bad when I found my dog added some characters to the server address in the config file when I laid my computer on the bed last night.

Me when looking at someone else's code.

(Sorry for bad fps, had to get it under 5mb)

Dog of the day

Had to put down my dog today. I've felt real shitty before but this is my closest experience of loss I've had.

I miss her so much you guys. I'm sorry for bringing it down. You guys all feel like a real community so help me feel my feels and not just push it down.

The algo strikes yet again!
sudo cat dog.txt

People ranting about xcode, how about stop using Mac and apple products there all dog shit. Or just use another IDE or editor problem solved.

Finally I got a dog 😄😄. Probably I will teach him some coding 😜.its 6:17 am..... I didn't woke up morning I just forgot to sleep 😪😶😑

Me: My dog bit me 8 times.

Dog: Stfu human, it was just one byte.

Coworker bugs me by telling her dog stories, now I hate dogs.

I need bikeRant, so i can rant about bike lanes consisting of dog poop, broken glass and old grandma's

Dog barks. Then the other dog barks. Then the lady who owns the dog starts yelling at the dogs. She's yelling and they are barking - and they get louder and louder. What was the goal again? Oh yeah... this is just how agencies work. Go with it. The goals don't matter.

Is it me or does it seem that it's more Dev + Cat rather than Dev + Dog?

that moment when you were still new to git commands and just typed in random commands while thinking of a stupid dog meme saying I have no idea what im doing then accidentally pushing something in prod and had no idea what to do cause the lead dev was not around... aahhh those were the days

Uugghhhh... Last time I worked with PayPal I swore I'd never touch it ever again. And here I am...

The time the company had a bring your dog to work day.

No one tests in production like I do..
Just gave the wife a Brazilian wax for the first time.

I guess I could have tried on the dog first but ... No.

This little girl is helping me write some code! Isn't she a cutie!? 🐶❤️

You asked for it--here it is.

It was a regular day in November--I was taking my dog out for a walk. We were walking past an elementary school when my dog started barking at a rock. I went to have a closer look at the rock when suddenly it vanished into thin air. "How strange" I quietly thought to myself, called out to my dog and carried on walking.

The next day at around the same time, at the very same place--next to the elementary school, my dog started barking at a log which lied in the exact same spot as the rock had occupied the day before. I did the same as I had done a day earlier--walked up to the log to check it out, but it vanished into thin air. We kept on walking.

The third day I decided we'd pick another route. This day, nothing interesting happened.

The fourth day went the same as the third.

The fifth day, went the same as the fourth.

On the sixth day, God was almost done with his works, for that reason we celebrated by going to the movies--me and my dog. To be fair, the only interesting thing that happened on that day was the movie, which was shit.

On the eight day when I got out of my bed I fell, broke my neck and died. And that's when I ate my code to make it shorter.

Dog of the day. This golden retriever is what I imagine when I think about "a good boy"

I wish I could tell my dog not to get up from his comfortable position or sleep each time when I simply want to goto the bathroom or stretch.
Like bro no need I’ll be right back..

Learning to touch type: feel like a god when you get a password right first time

Difficult tasks, dog is sick, S.O. suffering from depression, sleep deprived, and now I accidentally type "rm -r / ./" instead of "rm -r ./" on the production server. Whyyyyy

But why?

I'd like to personally thank everyone who ++s my rants. Every time I get one I get so excited because it brings me one step closer to getting a floor doggo!

awww shit dog, I got the job! Now they wanna know which OS I want installed on my company computer. Wondering if maybe I'm still secretly being interviewed....

Donkey dog = new Monkey();

Goal: Making this a valid logical statement.

Java is a lot like a 3 legged dog. You know it'll get where it's going eventually but it's kinda sad to watch.

Note to self:
Fifty shades of gray is not about CSS or any other subject you care about. Delete mental association so as not to react like Pavlov's dog every time you hear/see title mentioned in mass media.

Squirrel!

!dev
"Heeeey, VSauce! Michael here.
Dogs are some of our most loyal pets...or are they?"

Thanks for the dog
🐕

Apple's iOS doc is absolutely dog shit.

Being 46 and finally having the chance to focus on software development after years of BA/PM roles, flogging the market trying to get a junior gig, then one day painting a shed with my 16 year old who I introduced to programming about 6 months ago and listen to him speak at length on protocol programming, finer variances between python and swift and his own development of a text based RPG system where he is creating randomized map generation, gear customization etc. only to realize as paint glides down my arm:

" I'M FREEKIN' OLD!!!!"

When did my brain stop absorbing like a sponge and behave more like a brick?

My worst legacy code experience was when I worked as a freelancer and got a tiny job to improve a VBA module in some Excel file for a very big company. So what's worse than VBA? Having to change parts of VBA code that was passed around to other freelancers before like the cheapest dockside whore. After meddling in there for about half an hour I felt like all those cheap ass punter, so I decided to write the whole thing from scratch. What a relief, after 3 hours I was very proud of the thing and it looked clean and well maintained again so I let it back on the streets. 😉
To the coder who comes after me: Please treat her (the code) nice or I will burry you alive in dog poop and burn the whole thing!

I think of git as if it was my dog. For added fun name your remote "slippers". Then you can exec "git fetch slippers"

Traveled 3 hours away to go into the office for the first time in 2 years... just to get a call from the wife that the dog is sick and I need to come home...

FML

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

Defend my Dutch Champion MBO title and maybe get a dog

!rant (Silicon Valley)
What are your thoughts on seefoods pivot from hot dog to d*ck recognition?

Windows son of a bitch, motherfucker, moron, fucking dog, sister fucker, RAM fucker, PC fucker, fucking antimalware mother fucking shit motherfucker.

 If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore(Silicon valley of India), chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap (a.k.a. leash) around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.

iOS corner curves. I was thinking about how to make them on the web for a while now. This night, I saw a nightmare about a dog that drowned. In that dream, it was me who was responsible. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I knew exactly how to make those curves.

I _told_ you they will be mine, two hours ago. I made it. Thank you Shányushka the dog that never existed. Rest in peace.

Gene Hackman and his wife and dog all found dead.

He was like 95 or something. She was 63. Daughter said she suspects a gas leak.

Much sad, RIP to the legend, the OG Lex Luther

I was in a good mood until I read this weeks dev-question. I'm now having an existential crisis. Why do I do this? What's the end goal here? I don't know what my biggest dev career dream is. Maybe I should get a dog and live in the mountains. I think, I need another moment...

Random poll:

If you have pets, do you own a cat or a dog?

A colleague has a personal statistic that says most developers have cats rather than dogs.
Just checking her data!

Started a new job as a senior dev but with a framework I've never worked with and I just feel like I'm slow AF and just not qualified for the job. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm greiving my dog that passed last Tuesday.

So it's required by law to chip and register your dog. I just got a puppy so I had to change the owner of the dog from the kennel to me. And the only thing I needed was my chipvalue and the registration number.

So all I have to do is scan the dog and try the registration numbers and then I can change the owner. Like wtf. And it does not even send a confirmation email. I checked by changing owner and email again.

My registration number is only in the 600K so other registered pets should be easy enough to bruteforce.

Or am I missing something?

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Yet they keep getting promoted.

It seems being competent and skilled at your current role means absolute dog shit.

Searched for Pug stickers.

Didn't even know it was a dog.

Cat say:maow
Dog: woof
Pig:oink

What the php elephant say????

Had to change my dog in my profile. The little black dog died, and I'm grieving pretty hard over it. One dog left, and that's it for me after he's gone. I can't say goodbye to any more puppers.

Front-end hacking is pure dog shite.
Some banana fuckers changed a forms plugin for PukePress some odd years ago and now I am responsible, after installing 2 major releases, to make it behave and look the same as it did before.
I'd rather dangle in a noose than cleaning up their spaghettified CSS selectors and random jokeQuery code.

New job wants me to send them a photo for the ice breaker email they're sending out about me joining...now to find a pic where I'm not making a dumb face or taking a selfie with a dog.

You work like a dog during 2 weeks of sprint, to hear from your P.O on the end that you did not delivered anything. Because he found 1 bug.

I think I figured where to draw the line when trying to learn cybersecurity.

Learning ActiveDirectory.

No fucking thanks, I’d rather eat a big steaming pile of dog shit.

Best:

Leaving my work in the soul crushing dog eat dog world of transportation and logistics for higher education software for colleges and universities .
I work at a college and I fucking love it and love my team.

Worst:

The soulc crushing dog eat dog world of transportation and logistics where I worked as a backend developer and lead mobile developer. Not only did it made me hate and despise native android development, but it also made me despise the human race as a whole. Watching a motherfucker letting go of employees that he knew personally (as in bbq with their families and shit) because my software automated a large portion of their work(it was meant to make it easier for them for that i was originally told) was absolute and total bullshit and i still carry that fucking remorse with me. After that I vowed never to do that sort of bullshit work again....sort off. No one gets fired at this institition for it. Logistics sucks big monkey dick and the people there are the absolute fucking worst. Every single motherfucker i met was a fucking shark, all of them and they would not think about fucking people over if it saved them some money.

Yeah, that even tops the military and that was fuuuull of fuck fuck games and other similar fuckery.

My dog waits until I'm super focused and in the middle of something to let me know she has to pee.

One could easily deduce when we got a dog from my personal project's git history :/

Dog(s) of the day. Magic doggo

You think one day your dog could be a wireless adapter. Nowadays dog are getting microchips, as sick as it sounds I wonder if you can ad a wireless chip card on a dogs microchip.

Client had this great idea for a business where he would kennel dogs at his house and have a premium upgrade to the service where he would sell dog treats and other items as well as have a private members only area where they could view their dog.
My first question was "Is there any demand from your customers for such things and what type of budget do you have?"
His response was "I don't have much of a budget but I can give you some hockey tickets and give you a stake in the profit."

I politely declined. He didn't even have any cameras in his house to pull off such a thing, either let alone he didn't have a boarding license. Oh clients.

When your team lead barks like a dog! 😡

It’s bring your dog to work day today. Um okay.

Got a new guy sitting in the office. He is nice to talk to and easy to work with. But when he codes for himself behind his screen and something is not working he moans and bitches in a very whiney voice. That whiney tone is so insanly annoying. Sounds like a young dog is mistreated...

Type conversion in python is made of dog shit and donkey poop

I hate the idea of dog whistles.

For those who do not know what I am talking about: A dog whistle, next to being a physical object you blow in that makes a sound dogs can hear, but is too high in frequency for most humans to hear, can also refer to a hidden sign for a group or ideology that is supposed to be only known by its members.

Here, in Germany, we usually use it for Nazi groups. Hey, 88 is a dog whistle for Nazis, because, the 8th letter in the alphabet is the 'H', and 'HH' stands for Heil Hitler. Alright, got it.

But how the fuck am I supposed to know it? I am not a member of those groups. Well, other people, who look at them tell closely, told me. In a way, you want me to keep up with them, so I can know the newest dog whistles to avoid them?

Another famous one is the attempt to claim the okay sign is a symbol for white power. But here I stand and say, no. I was making this sign all along. I did not signal white power. I was signalling that everything is okay.

And isn't that racist in the first place. Black people cannot swim stereotype. And then they choose the white power signal from diver's sign language? Because they knew, no black person was a diver? Don't mind me, I am just taking the piss.

Then there was Elon Musk. I don't like Elon, I think he's an idiot. I also think that he made it possible for lots of tax money to flow into SpaceX and pay really smart people to work on rockets, which I like. Somehow, in a modern world, we have to do that instead of just funding NASA. Anyway, he is accused of doing a Nazi salute.

But if that was a Nazi salute, that was the sloppiest Nazi salute ever. It was akin to a dog whistle to a Nazi salute. Every proper Nazi should tell him how embarrassing his salute was. But instead, the Overton window on a Nazi salute widens.

We should make fun of him not being capable of doing it right. He would then obviously publicly state he is no Nazi. And some Nazis will believe them.

Ever wondered why in war some national leaders will tout obvious lies? That's because, often due to an information bubble, sometimes because of confirmation bias, many will believe them. If they said the truth, every single one listening would know the truth. If they lied, there is a substantial part of the population ill-informed or invested enough who wants to believe them. And if that's a preferable state, a leader will lie.

Why do we assume that dog whistles are just something we don't understand, but somehow, without writing publicly available guides or news broadcast spelling it out, the subgroup that uses that dog whistle, perfectly understands its meaning.

Recently AfD, German right wing party, had a party conference, and the number and position of the flags on stage was somehow aligned with the number of... what was it... SS branches or something in the third reich? Come one, you're reaching now. You tell me that right wingers are so well informed history buffs that they would ace any history exam about it and equate every subliminal message?

I probably had a dozen dog whistles in this text that I don't know of. Do you know how those groups actually learn about their own dog whistles? Standard media tells them that is their groups dog whistle and they copy it. Copy cat. Funny side note, that's how satanism actually started. Copy cats from stories from the church. They tried to scare people about those evildoers. At least that's one popular hypothesis. Aleister Crowley, not Church of Satan satanism.

Anyway, I hate dog whistles. We commit them constantly, we cannot avoid it and it incriminates everyone. It keeps broadening the definition of every forbidden/frowned upon action. It's shit. If you argue dog whistle, I think you're a moron.

what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? a labracadabrador

!rant
I don't have a stress ball yet, but I share these two small guys with my dog. One for summer and one for Halloween & Winter. And they both squeak like crazy.

Actually, they're a terrible strain when my dog's working on them.

I fucking hate my job

Man it’s been a year now freelancing and just working like a dog day and night for a scammy dating app and I just wanna shoot myself in the face at this point. Just another horrible day after the other dealing with a bunch of assholes.

The best happened today.

These past 2 weeks have been shit. People wronged me big time, got thrown under the bus for shit that the people behind refused to own up to it. Took that shit because I just couldn't be bothered to fucking argue.

I'm the only dev on this project and we're so close to release so I bit my tongue and took it on the chin but it's been eating me alive since then.

The tipping point was yesterday. 5 people failed to communicate shit properly amongst themselves on all channels got me forced to be the last one finishing work yesterday 4 hours after everyone left. I had every right to refuse and leave on time but again, we're so close to release and I don't want to see this project fail.

But see, I got angry. So fucking angry that nothing else has been on my mind since yesterday.

I don't take out my anger at others, that's not who I am (moslty) so today I was at work and secluded myself from everyone else otherwise I would've exploded in someone's face.

I was also supposed to meet up with friends tonight but with all this shit going on I decided not to go because I would not have been fun to be around.

Left work on time today, fell asleep on the train because I am too exhausted.

When I was about to walk into my house I noticed this little super cute puppy following me. I had no idea where or how long he's been behind me as I was walking home but he seemed way too happy when I saw him. His tail wagging like he's excited to see me even though I have never seen him. I petted him, played a bit with him. He seemed to be the happiest dog ever 😁. He managed to put a smile on my face for the first time in the last few days.

He then ran away.. I guess he got bored 😅

I am feeling so much better now all because of this little puppy 🐶. I'm so glad I ran into him because I've been smiling since then.

I wish I had took a picture of him 😥

Doggo, you probably won't read this, but thanks mate you made my month in those few minutes 🤘

If you have a dog, go pet him and appreciate how much happiness they bring in your life. If you have a cat.. Uhh I don't know... Uhh pray it doesn't kill you in your sleep I guess?

Thanks for reading

office archeology

What "debug" word do you use to see if you code reaches that point in the execution?
Mine is "perro" (dog in spanish)
die('perro');
console.log('perro')
print('perro')

What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark.

The sound of my back and shoulders (left shoulder mostly) cracking as I do a half downward dog stretch after sitting in the worst possible posture all day is both terrifying and satisfying......

Fuck you, Acrobat Reader.

Fuck your whole family, your cat and your dog and your pig.

I just got another plush dog to keep the rest of my zoo company 😁😁

I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu

Wanna see a cool pic of me and my dog?

Angular is a pile of dog shit.

Making web dev unbearable and harder since 2010 (or 2016 if you ignore AngularJS).

Fuck you, Miško Hevery

Microsoft for creating typescript, and google for maintaining angular and forcing people to learn typescript before learning dog shit angular

Waiting for Amazon package to arrive with doggo

Ever tried explaining GitHub to someone? I swear it's like trying to teach a dog to ride a bike. You can try, but it's probably not going to end well.
Okay, rant over. Back to coding... and dealing with merge conflicts... and pull requests... and GitHub issues... sigh.

I swear to god if I spend more money on headphones this year. This time it was my dog that snapped the cord off. I think I will just start using bluetooth headphones now, but if there is no cord I might drop them a lot and they are expensive Oh my god jesus christ fuck me fuckfuckfuckfuckfuuuuuuck

Programming from the porch, dog not impressed.

When the fellow dev on your team buys a house and you just want a dog and your future model 3 (we are the same age) #LifeGoals

Dog enemies in games 🤬

It's a process for me, I can get unstuck at any point in it.

1. skip song on pandora
2. go outside with dog and smoke a cigarette
3. work on my dotfiles
4. rewrite the damn thing

App idea: Program that processes funny dog/cat videos and removes the annoying ass thought bubble text they put in them. Like "I is hungreh" or "you is doin me a concern" or whatever. That shit. I hate it.

I am convinced that after this years-over-timeline millions-over-budget website goes live we will all be fired because it is dog shit.

Just realized Courage the Cowardly dog was the first one to use ChatGPT.

Professor: Where is your coding assignment? Didn't you complete it?

Student: My dog ate my coding assignment.

Professor: How can a dog eat a coding assignment?

Student: My dog started off eating a couple of "bits" of my assignment and didn't realize how did a few "bits" turn into many "bytes".😮

My work with ArangoDB has taught me a very important lesson, which is that the dog says гав гав

I FUCKING HATE JIRA because it doesn't have markdown by default.
What a fuckign pile of dog shit

Wish I could come up with ideas for projects so that I can show off my git profile *Sad feel dog attached

When you procrastinate so much you end up watching dog videos on Faceblame...
RIP self will

Waking up at 3am because your dog has the runs.

My pet peeve is IMs that start wtth hi or GM. Please people. Can you write what you want from me. Why don't you ask about how my dog is doing as well?

9pm I REALLY needed to get some work done... Head was dropping like a nodding dog at my laptop... Gave up and went to bed.... Now its after 2am and I've been watching YouTube for 5 hours and still awake.... Just what even....

My body decided to work against me

Last 3 days my “sleep schedule” has been “stay in bed with eyes closed until it’s morning without falling asleep”

If I go insane please tell my dog she was adopted. Ah… insanity is starting to kick in, next steps I’m defending pascal and managers…

First prize goes to the Dog!

People should take their fireworks and shove them up their asses. I finally understand how cats and dogs feel on new years. Except I'm not a dog but, a frightened parent, scared of my kids being woken up by bangs and flashes!

Honestly, dog fooding my own stuff. 😥

windows 10 is a fucking dog. I hate it

!devRant

Be me on vacation ~1500 miles from home
Board dogs like normal
Oldest dog (13y) gets sick
Boarding people take to vet as requested
Vet calls saying he is vomiting "coffee grounds" (that means he is bleeding into his stomach)
Won't be back until next Sunday
May have to bury dog when I get back.

Will yellow dog finish one fucking game he starts working on? Tune in to tomorrows episode of Whyismywebsocketnotresponding Z to find out.