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Everybody in my department thinks I am a genius programmer.
I am just a better googler who knows how to apply things.13
Confession: I am not a dev, I actually work on an IT helpdesk telling people how to turn on their PC's everyday.
It's soul destroying!!
My boyfriend is an Apple dev though, and I only joined DevRant to see if it would help me understand what he talks about 24/7...
I have very basic coding knowledge but still find this all so fascinating!
You guys are so smart, and can literally create anything in the blink of an eye.
Why are you guys generally so very under appreciated??
You also have a fantastic sense of humour! Haven't laughed at so many nerd-jokes in years!
Loving DevRant so far!
Keep up the great work! :)32
I have a confession to make.
I do most of my java coding in comic sans ;-;
IT MAKES ME HAPPY FOR SOME REASON28
My colleague sent me this. Think before you act!
This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you.
I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work.
I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies.
My wife has known for some time now and I’ve promised her that it won't happen again.
Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice in the head, killing her instantly.
He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:-
This is Alan next door again.
Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out.
Anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’.
Hope you saw the funny side of that.
After spending a few months on this site, what strikes me the most, is how unhappy a lot of programmers are.
It kind of makes me sad to see so many of you struggle with office politics bullshit everyday.
I have a confession to make.
I've never had a programming job, or freelanced, yet I have made a very comfortable living with programming and marketing for the past 20 years.
I make my living by finding niches where there is shit software, and creating a better alarm clock.
The first 5-10 years of doing this, I worked my ass off (throughout my twenties)
But during most of my thirties, I barely had to
work to keep it all up. I get residual income still
from stuff I did 10 years ago.
I'm curious if anyone at all would be interested in learning how to do this, quitting their job, for example, or, just having the freedom to write your own code without answering to anybody but your own customers. Many of whom you never have to talk to, they go to your site, they buy, and rarely ever send emails (if you do it right)
Everybody here has knowledge that is so bankable, yet they seem to just surrender to
asshole bosses and clients. It doesn't have to
be like that.
If you'd be interested in this, please ++ this.
I'm thinking of creating an online course about creating and marketing your own software, specifically for programmers like you guys. and girls.
I genuinely just want to see if there's interest. I hope that's ok.66
It's a terrible language, yes, but I find it fun to work with.17
This rant is a confession I had to make, for all of you out there having a bad time (or year), this story is for you.
Last year, I joined devRant and after a month, I was hired at a local company as an IT god (just joking but not far from what they expected from me), developer, web admin, printer configurator (of course) and all that in my country it's just called "the tech guy", as some of you may know.
I wasn't in immediate need for a full-time job, I had already started to work as a freelancer then and I was doing pretty good. But, you know how it goes, you can always aim for more and that's what I did.
The workspace was the usual, two rooms, one for us employees and one for the bosses (there were two bosses).
Let me tell you right now. I don't hate people, even if I get mad or irritated, I never feel hatred inside me or the need to think bad of someone. But, one of the two bosses made me discover that feeling of hate.
He had a snake-shaped face (I don't think that was random), and he always laughed at his jokes. He was always shouting at me because he was a nervous person, more than normal. He had a tone in his voice like he knew everything. Early on, after being yelled for no reason a dozen of times, I decided that this was not a place for me.
After just two months of doing everything, from tech support to Photoshop and to building websites with WordPress, I gave my one month's notice, or so I thought. I was confronted by the bosses, one of which was a cousin of mine and he was really ok with me leaving and said that I just had to find a person to replace me which was an easy task. Now, the other boss, the evil one, looked me on the eye and said "you're not going anywhere".
I was frozen like, "I can't stay here". He smiled like a snake he was and said "come on, you got this we are counting on you and we are really satisfied with how you are performing till now". I couldn't shake him, I was already sweating. He was rolling his eyes constantly like saying "ok, you are wasting my time now" and left to go to some basketball practice or something.
So, I was stuck there, I could have caused a scene but as I told you, one of the bosses was a cousin of mine, I couldn't do anything crazy. So, I went along with it. Until the next downfall.
I decided to focus on the job and not mind for the bad boss situation but things went really wrong. After a month, I realised that the previous "tech guy" had left me with around 20 ancient Joomla - version 1.0 websites, bursting with security holes and infested with malware like a swamp. I had never seen anything like it. Everyday the websites would become defaced or the server (VPN) would start sending tons of spam cause of the malware, and going offline at the end. I was feeling hopeless.
And then the personal destruction began. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was having panick attacks at the office's bathroom. My girlfriend almost broke up with me because I was acting like an asshole due to my anxiety issues (but in the end she was the one to "bring me back"(man, she is a keeper)) and I hadn't put a smile on my face for months. I was on the brink of depression, if not already there. Everyday I would anxiously check if the server is running because I would be the one to blame, even though I was trying to talk to the boss (the bad one was in charge of the IT department) and tell him about the problem.
And then I snapped. I finally realised that I had hit rock bottom. I said "I can't let this happen to me" and I took a deep breath. I still remember that morning, it was a life-changing moment for me. I decided to bite the bullet and stay for one more month, dealing with the stupid old server and the low intelligence business environment. So, I woke up, kissed my girlfriend (now wife), took the bus and went straight to work, and I went into the boss's office. I lied that I had found another job on another city and I had one month in order to be there on time. He was like, "so you are leaving? Is it that good a job the one you found? And when are you going? And are you sure?", and with no hesitation I just said "yup". He didn't expect it and just said "ok then", just find your replacement and you're good to go. I found the guy that would replace me, informing him of every little detail of what's going on (and I recently found out, that he is currently working for some big company nowadays, I'm really glad for him!).
I was surprised that it went so smoothly, one month later I felt the taste of freedom again, away from all the bullshit. Totally one of the best feelings out there.
I don't want to be cliche, but do believe in yourself people! Things are not what the seem.
With all that said, I want to give my special thanks to devRant for making this platform. I was inactive for some time but I was reading rants and jokes. It helped me to get through all that. I'm back now! Bless you devRant!
I'm glad that I shared this story with all of you, have an awesome day!16
Confession: If I weren't a programmer, I probably would have never used a single semicolon in my life!4
Confession of the day:
1. I work in release mode
2. I work on the main branch only
3. I test on production13
I am sorry.
I don't know if I am doing the right or the wrong thing.
I never shared devRant with people I know because of three things.
1. I don't want to infect this community with cancerous people.
2. I only have a few friends.
3. People I know have no interest in programming (still in college).16
I have a confession, I use animated gif's in chats to avoid giving answers when I couldn't be bothered, nobody ever complains and I don't feel guilty.3
Although I'm a Linux fan, I have to admit a few things:
1. BSD has the best mascot BY FAR.
2. Windows XP had the best sounds. Almost orgasmic...
3. Apple has the best fanboys. You see all those retards camping out of an Apple store waiting for a new gadget, it makes you feel good about yourself...
4. I would also say something about Google and Android, but they know what kind of porn I watch, so I think it's wise to skip that one...6
I have a confession to make....
I just started to use git two days ago.
But atleast I GPG sign my commits11
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Alot actually, but I'm here for technical sins. Okay, a particular series of technical sins. Sit your ass back down padre, you signed up for this shit. Where was I? Right, it has been 11429 days since my last confession. May this serve as equal parts rant, confession, and record for the poor SOB who comes after me.
Ended up in a job where everything was done manually or controlled by rickety Access "apps". Many manhours were wasted on sitting and waiting for the main system to spit out a query download so it could be parsed by hand or loaded into one of the aforementioned apps that had a nasty habit of locking up the aged hardware that we were allowed. Updates to the system were done through and awful utility that tended to cut out silently, fail loudly and randomly, or post data horrifically wrong.
Fuck that noise. Floated the idea of automating downloads and uploads to bossman. This is where I learned that the main system had no SQL socket by default, but the vendor managing the system could provide one for an obscene amount of money. There was no buy in from above, not worth the price.
Automated it anyway. Main system had a free form entry field, ostensibly for handwriting SELECT queries. Using Python, AutoHotkey, and glorified copy-pasting, it worked after a fashion. Showed the time saved by not having to do downloads manually. Got us the buy in we needed, bigwigs get negotiating with the vendor, told to start developing something based on some docs from the vendor. Keep the hacky solution running as team loves not having to waste time on downloads.
Found SQLi vulnerability in the above free form query system, brought it up to bossman to bring up the chain. Vulnerability still there months later. Test using it for automated updates. Works and is magnitudes more stable than update utility. Bring it up again and show the time we can save exploiting it. Decision made to use it while it exists, saves more time. Team happier, able to actual develop solutions uninterrupted now. Using Python, AutoHotkey, glorified copy-pasting, and SQLi in the course of day to day business critical work. Ugliest hacky thing I've ever caused to exist.
Flash forward 6 years. Automation system now in heavy use acrossed two companies. Handles all automatic downloads for several departments, 1 million+ discrete updates daily with alot of room for expansion, stuff runs 24/7 on schedule, most former Access apps now gone and written sanely and managed by the automation system. Its on real hardware with real databases and security behind it.
It is still using AutoHotkey, copy-paste, and SQLi to interface with the main system. There never was and never will be a SQL socket. Keep this hellbeast I've spawned chugging along.
I've pointed out how many ways this can all go pearshaped. I've pointed out that one day the vendor will get their shit together they'll come in post system update and nothing will work anymore. I've pointed out the danger in continuing to use the system with such a glaring SQLi vulnerability.
Noone cares. Won't be my problem soon enough.
In no particular order:
Fuck management for not fighting for a good system interface
Fuck the vendor for A) not having a SQL socket and B) leaving the SQLi vulnerability there this long
Fuck me for bringing this thing into existence6
Every morning when I'm urge to sh*t I always hold it in when possible. This way I always bring it to office and let company pay me for it ^^.
Well, what do you think I'm doing while posting this rant? :D18
I've got a confession to make.
A while ago I refurbished this old laptop for someone, and ended up installing Bodhi on it. While I was installing it however, I did have some wicked thoughts..
What if I could ensure that the system remains up-to-date by running an updater script in a daily cron job? That may cause the system to go unstable, but at least it'd be up-to-date. Windows Update for Linux.
What if I could ensure that the system remains protected from malware by periodically logging into it and checking up, and siphoning out potential malware code? The network proximity that's required for direct communication could be achieved by offering them free access to one of my VPN servers, in the name of security or something like that. Permanent remote access, in the name of security. I'm not sure if Windows has this.
What if I could ensure that the system remains in good integrity by disabling the user from accessing root privileges, and having them ask me when they want to install a piece of software? That'd make the system quite secure, with the only penetration surface now being kernel exploits. But it'd significantly limit what my target user could do with their own machine.
At the end I ended up discarding all of these thoughts, because it'd be too much work to implement and maintain, and it'd be really non-ethical. I felt filthy from even thinking about these things. But the advantages of something like this - especially automated updates, which are a real issue on my servers where I tend to forget to apply them within a couple of weeks - can't just be disregarded. Perhaps Microsoft is on to something?12
I have to start my best moment last year with a confession: I moved from Dev to Test half a decade ago. Naturally I do a lot of automation. My Best moment was when Dev said my automation code is so well structured that he wants to work on that and not an the production code anymore. Gave me that warm "still got it" feeling 😊3
I got a confession to make...
Sometimes when I find a rant interesting, agree with it, in general, have a positive reaction to it, I forget to ++ it...
Sometimes I even comment and don't ++ the rant or comment that I've seen...
I'm sorry to everyone who I didn't ++ and deserved it.9
*Real story happened a few days ago.*
- Me: I have bug-phobia. (Real confession)
- Colleague: You should be over that already cause your code is full of them!
- Me: >.<1
I need to make a confession. I wrote shell scripts that will automatically turn on my system and will download games and movies for me after office hours, using office internet10
Confession: I sometimes drop in lines like "not everything should be public, some things should be private" and "good understanding of the relationship is vital" etc. when arguing with the girlfriend. If she ever finds out what I'm doing I'm in serious trouble...
Although im more of network engineer than a developer, I feel safe and welcomed here. I swear im not a spy!11
Sometimes I give someone a ++ on here just to bother them with a notification on their phone. It gives me a sense of power.6
Father devrant I have a confession to make:
I stayed up until 12 in the midnight during Sep 30 to do 4 PRs immediately once it was October 1 in under 1 hour...
Now I passed out on the classroom and people think I got possesed
b r u h7
Whenever I see a programmer or hacker coding in a movie, I pause the movie and see if I can understand what the code is trying to do. If I can't understand it, I feel sad the rest of the day thinking I'm not a good enough programmer.7
I always git push a new branch even though I know it will error as there's no upstream, just to copy the full git push with set upstream arguments from the error message.11
Got invited to a company party by a friend. I forgot they worked for Comcast. Realized when I got there it was a Comcast sponsored event. Got told on the way not to engage in any anti-Comcast rants at the event.
Couldn't really backout, so went anyway. Feeling guilty, dirty and like a complete sellout.12
I need to make a confession about my terribly unprofessional project I made. Around two years ago I got thrown for the first time into back end development - I had to work on the project alone. As a very smart man I basically exposed our SMTP server as a nice and very flexible API.
Fortunately it was, by the design, a very short-lived project, taken down from the web completely and for good after around 2 months. I'm still happy I had more luck than brains and nobody used our server as a spam sending service in our name and I have learned a valuable and relatively cheap lesson in security this way.1
I'm such a goof!
I observe that I create problems out of nothing when I'm stressed or even when I'm excited.
Had my US visa interview few days ago.
I might be one of stupidest person this particular consulate employee has seen.
My visa interview was done, I came out of the building and I noticed one of my passport was missing. I panicked and told an employee ( who also happened to be the same employee who took my biometrics - I had also goofed up a little there ) that I forgot my passport in the counter.
Duh, if visa is approved they will take the passport. I already knew it, but still I forgot!
a little confession: i've rarely used test suites in my projects (due to laziness and lack of time).
i've started a new project and now i HAD to write tests in order to make my PM happy.
Then i had to refactor a lot of code.
IT WAS SO EASY WITH TESTS.
I WAS A FOOL.
STUPID PAST ME, STUPID!5
I have a confession. The "Packt Free Ebook of the Day" is my personal Pokemon Go. I'm now up to 398 books.
And yes, I know that this is more than I'll ever read. I still must have them all!3
When I was 20, I coded for 24 hours straight, even ate at the computer, as a dare to finish all the tasks in one go. I was successful.
Now I'm 25 and I have no time for such stuff. Kinda miss that3
More like a confession it is
I'm a newbie programmer
Just by scrolling the feed and reading the comments here i've learnt much more than i could from books
so turns out devRant is a great community!4
I'm building a web app with little experience and I'm probably Googling stuff 50% of the time and I'm sure I'm doing everything the wrong way but it works so...10
I mix naming styles in my code. Some variables will be camelcase, some will have underscores, some will be all lowercase.
Classes are always title case though. Anything else is barbaric.4
I always have a pice of cloth with me whenever I work on my MacBook or my iPhone. I can't stand the finger prints that I
make on my iPhone or any small amount of dust on my MacBook screen. So I keep cleaning every while. Am I crazy?23
Confession: sometimes when im too lazy to look at the db schema, i just select *, and filter the stuff i need from the ResultSet.6
Confession: I have an original Zune mp3 player, and use it. It has outlasted 2 smart phones I used as music players.9
So... I've got a confession to make.
I'm no longer a Dev. After the disaster that was my last commercial gig, I went and got a sec Ops role... And I love it. It's just technical problem solving and explaining all the way.
Don't get me wrong, I still love to code. But that's exactly the thing. As a commercial developer employed by corporations, I spent close to 80 % of my time not coding, but in useless meetings, or trying to figure out just what my colleagues thought was "common sense", reverse engineering their work and documenting how to get it running, etc. Basically, fixing shit for braindead academics with next to no real world experience.
Now, when I code, I get to do it on my own terms, with my own stack and as much comments and docs as I want to have. I own my time, and the only ones that are allowed to interrupt me is the local fire department.
I can do what I'm fucking passionate about and leave the rest for the useless people.5
Confession: In my almost 10 years of professional dev experience, I have never written any kind of units tests for my code. Ever.16
Confession: I'm launching a major project for a client this time next week. It's some of the worst code I've ever written in my entire life. It's beyond awful, but I have no choice. It's sure going to be fun fixing it for the next 2 weeks post launch.8
I have a confession to make. When i started programming it was done in my room all alone for around 6 months. I started watching porn while programming. And eventually only watched porn while coding to a point where I got turned on by programming.
I'm not sure if this further stimulated my love for programming or dimmed it. But sex and coding are now linked in my brain.7
Searches something on DuckDuckGo.
Just to be sure that I got best result, searched on Google and checked :/6
Is it weird that i enjoy all these rants and the dev's frustration?
it really calms me down whenever i see a long rants, creative insults, excessive swearing
because it reminds me that my situation could be lot worse, thank god I'm not in one of those situations3
I practice what I call "Aggressive Oriented Programming" or AOP.
Whenever I'm investigating a bad bug, working on a project that I really hate, or dealing with messy code written by a messy developer, I often find myself resorting to an [internal] state of violence.
It's not like I scream and smash my screen (although sometimes I want to). It usually consists of a few git blames and some curse words in print statements for debugging. This is just my way to vent.5
Ever since I've discovered devRant, I use my avatar as profile picture on other sites as well.
I have one confession.
I have never ever in 15 years of coding used switch case...
Never liked the syntax.
Am i the onlyone ?22
can we make a dev confession/bad practices you do anyway chain in the form of o'reilly books in the comments?
I bombed a guy who pissed me off with spam sms that he had to switch off his phone. Good thing I witnessed his frustration. Feel amazing. 😁😁9
I have a confession. I have always used IDLE because I love it. It's slow, lacks a number of features, and is just all-around outdated.
So today I went and I got rid of it. I tried PyCharm in the past but it was too complicated for Python. I like JetBrain's IDE for Java, but not for Python. Instead, this time, I opted for Spyder. I tend to get quite excited about new IDEs, and I do like this one a fair bit. The editor offers a dark theme but the UI surrounding it does not. This is offensive, but acceptable, for the time being. Here's a screenshot. Any thoughts?16
Confession: every now and then a Google search for a JS function or something directs me to W3schools. And I proceed to use it. And I'm not afraid to admit this!!7
I was watching the movie and there is a confession scene with a sunset. I thought wow , it's look nice and just realize that it was not a sunset scene, just my blue light filter turning on at that exact moment.
Sometimes I use "KillMe" or "FML" in my debugging strings as a silent cry against whatever-the-fuck has upset me.2
I also wasn't a good database architect at that time and my database had an image table wich was for the gallery. Within this table there were multiple columns for one image slider (there should be multiple sliders on one page in the gallery (I know... 🤢)).
In my defense I can say: It worked. 😅
It hurts to remember this. And I hope you won't judge me.2
I don't know what you guys think but I freaking love programming my own Minecraft client. It sounds childish but I love to see server owners rage when they see their Servers dying because of my exploits. It's a good feeling.
But I got 3 DOS attacks afterwards so there is a high risk to make lifetime enemy's.
Let us all post our dark side of knowledge and the shit we have done to amuse ourselves!11
I've got a confession to make. I.. I just love hand-obfuscating JS-Code. Not because, i would prefer working with obfuscated code.. I just find it extremely satisfying watching the code shrink and being the only one being able to understand it..
It's out. I feel better now.4
It's embarassing and you guys will find it either rude or annoying but I have readied myself and here goes my confession;
Whenever I see the abbreviation for Command line interface I cringe. You know because cli ? And I read it in my head as 'Kli' which is like the shortened form of a female part ?
I can't just read it as "See, el, ai" or think 'Command line interface' directly.
My brain's first thought is it must be an acronym so you should read it like how you would read NASA which is also an acronym and not like 'cmd' which is not an acronym but just an abbreviation.
Thus whenever I see it I feel a mixture of embarassment, self-loathing and physical discomfort.
I wonder how can I not be embarassed and cringing whenever I see Something-CLI.
I just noticed when it's in uppercase I don't cringe as much. I should code a chrome extension to change all CLI abbreviations to upper case.13
Confession: I use DuckDuckGo but half of my searches begin with !g or !s (to search with google and startpage respectively) 😔
DDG is disappointing me, for dev-related searches is perfect but for other things sometimes I'm not getting the results I expect, especially when searching for something that is local to my country/region/language12
I'm one of *those* developers that sold their soul to Microsoft technology stack early in their career, and then bought in into even more narrow specialization, SharePoint dev (Could easily have been Dynamics or similar) ...
...And almost don't regret it. The only concern is becoming obsolete in time, but I suppose life of a developer is always learning, so all should be fine.
Major kudos to all non-MS developers, I enjoy reading about your lives here.5
It's my birthday today, but tbh ,I feel like a loser after not having accomplished much till this age (21).
I mean , Zuckerberg founded Facebook at 19 😞 and here I am, 2 years older than what he was and still seem to be going nowhere 😕22
Confession: I know how to use Git but I want to learn how to use it properly so my team won't crucify me.9
I am php laravel developer with little knowledge about nodejs.
I got selected by one startup as nodejs developer.
frankly I am not better nodejs developer than my competition who were rejected.
I completed oral interview with my nodejs theory knowledge at a time of technical round , they gave us task to create crud with fantastic front end and nodejs mongo as a back end.
I developed front end in bootstrap but at a time of backend, I just copy paste code from github.
and changed everything variable and other proof to hide reality. in mean time other candidates were actually coding everything then I took time to understand this code and I submitted after few candidates.
in last round they ask me to explain code which I explained properly and I get salary 40k/month INR.
I know it is cheating but I wanted this job badly.6
I bought a Macbook about 6 month ago and I became in love with development in it... I've got a fucking MSI dream PC sitting here with two monitors acting as a glorified paperweight...
Its so weird because I know I could just put some Linux distro and use it more often but its almost like so many years of Windows make you doubt that you can ever fully leave the ecosystem... Its like some sort of sick Stockholm syndrome.5
Confession of the day:
- I uninstalled all dark themes from Visual Studio, I just love the light theme!5
I spend an embarrassingly large amount of time carefully constructing email subject lines.4
I have a confession to make, I use a light theme, and I like it.
There. I said it. You can all hate me now.
It helps me to focus tho, as I use a dark UI theme. It really brings out the code.12
A small confession, when you click on a notification in the app, the selected notification and sometimes a few others become unactive.
I experience a short feeling of joy whenever more than 3 or 4 notifications deactivate at once 😛5
Alright i have a confession
I left devrant a week ago (2000++) and made a new account cause i love it here7
Confession: I've been installing npm packages globally using sudo for years just because I'm too lazy to set it up properly.5
Confession: the first coiple of times I heard of openSUSE, I though it was a slang for "open source"2
I wrote a bunch of code today that created more problems than it solved. I did not commit it. I used git stash to hide it. It took me hours to write. I didn't do a test on a small section of code beforehand. Literally hours of wasted man hours.
At least I didn't commit this garbage into the repo. The approach was fine, but the architecture made it a non-solution. Now I need to redesign this code or leave as is. It is production code I cannot just "change" on a whim.
I have officially dubbed this week as confession week. This should be a world wide thing. People should fess up to their terrible deeds. Lets start a trend and confess to our misdeeds in code and life. Make the world a better place!
What do you say?7
"Yep, I think I finally see the end of the project, we will be able to finish this, I just quickly need to add a simple UI on top of it and a simple admin page" - what this usually meant, that I am nowhere near anything usable, I have just created the database structure. What would have happened, if I would have actually been honest with my bosses and would have asked for more help? 😟2
Everybody when a forced update is released: "I hate forced updates!! They can't force me to do shit!!"
Everybody when a massive ransomware attack happens: "You should've updated when the update came out, so you aren't vulnerable!"
If they made the fix for the WannaCry vulnerability forced, the attack wouldn't have been as big as it was.
Confession: I wish they made more forced updates :/
Also, I'll probably get a lot of hate about this...3
Confession: Sometimes when I need a minute break and someone is looking at my screen I run 'tree /'1
I'm shitting there hammering out some code butchering some real problems when I suddenly realise I'm surrounded. I look around and yes it's the bloody committee.
The committee is what I call the rest of the department and it is dominated by the old guard which comprises of the programmers that have been around for longer.
None of the old guard can program particularly well but because they had been around the longest they'd all grown senior. The committee had free reign but anyone else doing anything differently has to get approval from the committee.
The only way to code otherwise was to copy and paste existing code then to primarily rename things. If anyone did anything that hadn't been seen before then it would have to be approved by the committee. Individual action was not permitted unless you were old guard.
I swept my headphones away expecting it to be something unimportant. It was.
First things first they announce. We're going to add extraneous commas to the last element of all possible lists separated by comma including parameters or so they say. Ask but why so I do.
Because the language now supports it. They added support for it so it must be the right way someone proclaimed. Does it? I didn't realise we were waiting for it. Why do we want it though?
Didn't you hear? It's all over the blogosphere. It massively improves merge requests. But how I ask?
Five minutes later I grow tired of the chin stroking, elbow harnessing, slanted gazes into the yonder and occasionally hearing maybe its because and ask if they mean when you for example add an element the last element registers as changed from adding a comma. Turns out that's all it is.
How often do we see that tiny distraction and isn't it pointless to make the code ugly just for a tiny transient reduction in diff noise I ask. Everyone's stumped. This went on and on and got worse and worse. But it makes moving things around easy half of them say in unison like the bunch of slobs that they are. I mean really. It doesn't make expanding and contracting statements from multiline to single line easy and it's such a stupid thing. Is that all they do all day? Move multi-line method parameters up and down all day? If their coding conventions weren't totally whack they wouldn't have so many multiline method prototypes with stupid amounts of parameters with stupidly long types and names. They all use the same smart IDE which can also surely handle fixing the last comma and why is that even a concern given all the other outrageously verbose and excessive conventions for readability?
But you know what, who cares, fine, whatever. Lets put commas all over the shop and then we can all go to the pub and woo the ladies with how cool and trendy we are up to date with all the latest trends and fashions then we go home with ten babes hanging off each arm and get so laid we have to take a sick day the following to go to the STD clinic. Make way for we are conformists.
But then someone had to do it. They had to bring up PSR. Yes, another braindead committee that produces stupid decisions. Should brackets be same line or next line, I know, lets do both they decided. Now we have to do PSR and aren't allowed to use sensible conventions.
But why, I ask after explaining it's actually quite useful as a set of documents we can plagiarise as a starting point but then modify but no, we have to do exactly what PSR says. We're all too stupid apparently you see. Apparently we're not on their level. We're mere mortals. The reason or so I'm told, is so that anyone can come in and is they know PSR coding styles be able to read and write the code. That's not how it works. If you can't adjust to a different style, a more consistent style, that's not massively bizarre or atypical but rather with only minor differences from standard styles, you're useless. That's not even an argument, it's a confession that you've got a lump of coal where your brain's supposed to be.
Through all of this I don't really care because I long ago just made my own code generators or transpilers that work two ways and switch things between my shit and their shit but share my wisdom anyway because I'm a greedy scumbag like that.
Where the shit really hit the fan is that I pointed out that PSR style guide doesn't answer all questions nor covers all cases so what do we do then. If it's not in PSR? Then we're fucked.4
Okay, let's admit this, being a programmer, I never heard of devRant. The thing that made me join this platform was that it was giving away some free goodies, please don't hate me xD. I thought this would be like any other meme sharing platform where all nonsense is talked. But boy, how wrong I was. I ended up, using this application all the time. The people here, they are just amazing, I learned a lot here.
But the irony is, that I never received free goodies xD.6
I was asked to update the whole confidential, financial database by exporting it as excel, and using Macros to edit its content. Much akin to adding one extra attribute per row.
The truth is, the table originally had 6.3k records. After updating and putting the data back to NoSQL database again, I realized I ended up creating 7k rows of data. Yet it works just perfect !
*HAILS TO ALMIGHTY FOR THE MIRACLE*
Sometimes, I still wonder where did those effin 700 rows come from, even after I skipped an excel while uploading2
I have a confession: I produced a shit ton of wacky code...
The business guy in my team is super fucking bitchy about deploying to prod, while my codebase is a total mess. I could refactor it to use a much cleaner module, but I had to do it because we're running out of time. I spent half a day trying to refactor while failing miserably.
//FIXME: I will come back... or not.1
Forgive me Linus for I have sinned. It has been since the dawn of time since my last confession.
I hardcoded naming conventions for file names into a script that is used to remove incorrect lines of text that are created during our process to create the files that we send out so that healthcare claims get paid correctly and copy and pasted the code for each new state’s health plan since the users(who are supposed to be technically inclined as they’re in IT as support analysts) can barely figure out how to set up the excel file to remove the lines. There are now 18 files of the same python script with different US States’ names.2
Dear online services, shops etc.
I already use your service. You have no need to advertise it to me, and I know I opted out of that. Any reminder that I'm missing out and should opt in to marketing, even if it's described as a service/operational message, will itself get reported as spam. Because it explicitly is, by its own confession.
I'm fed up with my work. I am the only dev so I have to manage everything, from negotiating integration protocols to design and implementation. The field is rather exotic and I don't have much room to grow and develop my skillset. I earn literally 1/4 of what my peers make in other companies doing more interesting things...
But then again my boss (the company is real small) helped me a lot during some difficult times and I don't want to pull the rug from under him. So I'm trying to get things organized and done as much as possible so as to leave everything good for my successor, but that's hard since im the only dev and i have to do everything...
Kinda vicious cycle...4
I actually like writing documentation. It gives me a break in a different pace, gives me time to refocus on what I've built and hopefully make it useful for others as well.2
Ohh Lord, Please forgive me. Today I committed a sin and tomorrow I will have to commit it again. I wrote a shitty code and will have to write it tomorrow also. I am so ashamed of myself. I promise, I will refactor the code before releasing it for code review. My excuse for doing the sin is that I want to make it work first, it is little complex. I hope, if someone will stumble on it, then that person will not judge me by few shitty snippets I wrote to make it work.
An embarrassed programmer3
Its a confession...
So yesterday we had a practical in our uni... It was on Assembly Language (NASM and TASM)... Its a horrible language to work on... Trust me... I hate it, infact... We all hate it at the uni... But the thing is... We need to pass the practical in order to sit for the theory, and it is really hard language.... So most of my friends brought pen drives... And some brought chits... And sadly... All of them got caught... And were marked as fail right away... But the thing is I also cheated... And I copied successfully... I didnt use any pendrive or removable media... But I used ssh to my cloud server... And since I code on vi, it was pretty easy for me to cheat in the practical... I feel bad that I cheated.... But then I feel proud as well because I used the tech of this generation to copy, and not some grandpa shit like pendrives...
Yeah... That was it... The codes did rain in the exam..
I know I am a horrible person.. But common guys.. Who am I kidding... I am proud that I didnt use any clichè methods... And was talented enough to do so without getting caught...5
I always designed a site to work on chrome. Today when I've switched almost on chrome and find any site made only for chrome, I question myself "Why did I do that?"1
Where the fuck do I take myself?
I love programming, I like cricket in sports as hell, I love blogging writing, love to do sketching have very much interest in photography.
Damit I'm hatting myself7
For all my life is have had inherent hate for Apple and its devices, especially mobile devices and their userbase
Few weeks back, i got my hands on a MacBook air.
While I'm still dislike iOS, i really gotta say that it like the "fluidity" if macOS
First time in used it, i somehow knew exactly how to do what i need to (expect right click and some KB shortcuts ( damnit CMD key))
Well, at least i now have experience and know how of alla 3 major os environments1
I have a confession to make..
When I screw up and want to revert to the last commit, but I don't understand the gibberish error text that git shows me, I just delete the local copy and clone the one on the main repo.4
somewhere deep inside me I know that despite I am programming in c and using linux from ages, still not an expert.2
i have a confession to make. I just bought a iphone 7 and already had an macbook pro. I think the hipster live is taking over5
Confession: a very important feature of the website I'm developping wasn't working for a certain time. The boss wasn't aware because he doesn't go on the site, and I only found out last week because I needed to implement a new feature that used the previous one. Problem: the bug was only on production, not on local (and of course we don't have test server).
I took advantage of the absence of my boss today to clear the situation by making all of my tests on prod. I hope no customer tried to pass a command today, but it's finally repaired. I am both proud and shameful.4
Confession - Testdriven UnitTests
First of all, I regret all and wish there would be no SQL Scripts but an external tool to analyze data, but the project grew hysterically and when I joined the sh*t had already been established...
I had to test some SQL Scripts. As there is no real UnitTest framework which is under development/gets support, the whole suite is kinda buggy.
So I had my script, and had the required input + expected output, but the UnitTest always failed. So I manipulated the framework parameters until the test finally passed.
Shame on me and on the project, but atleast there are tests now...
I think a lot of “confession of having impostor syndrome” on devrant is false humility. You really are an impostor, it became sth like i am perfectionist lies in interviews. Discuss(or flame at me, whatever).2
Made a new account since there are peeps who know my old handle outside of this amazing project I mean site.
I've been feeling like a complete failure past few years. Back when it first begun I was sick. Sick with the atrocious sickness called inability to say no. So I had signed up for multiple projects, I've been a member of a drama club (which disbanded after a year with nothing to show for it), I've been a member of an active student group and all of that at the same time combined with my studies since I was (still am) a student.
At the end of it all, I was completely overwhelmed. I tried to do them one by one but I screwed up, I screwed them all up in the end. I was never used to such level of responsibility prior to starting my studies and I bit off more than I could chew.
Ever since then just like falling dominos falling uniformly to form a picture, every single time I took up a responsibility I got overwhelmed and failed them all. It gotten to a very depressing point where I couldn't even go to uni, I was terrified of seeing my professors to whom I had failed.
So here I am, getting closer and closer to my midlife, still a student, feeling like a complete failure that I am.
I don't want that. I don't want to be a failure. I don't want people to second guess wether to entrust things to me or not. I don't want to grow up to being a bitter man blaming everything and everyone for my failures. I don't want any of that. I want to change for the better and I'll do everything in my power to do it.12
Confession: I keep applying to companies and research their roles to understand their stack architecture and to f** with the recruiters.2
I almost managed to build a ReactJS based CMS, but I still need to check online if my for loop will actually display four elements.
More like a confession.
Had a task that involved invalidating a string if it contained more than five digits (anywhere in the string.)
"No problem", I thought. That sounds like a simple regex!
Turns out catastrophic backtracking had other ideas, and I revert to my usual "atomic grouping fudge that will hopefully work without me really understanding what's going on" of:
...anyone else shamefully follow this mantra, or am I the only one that hasn't skilled up properly on regexes...7
I've been working as C# programmer for an entire year, and I wrote desktop app as well as win services, but when it comes to practice (cause I moved to PHP about 7 months ago) on Codewars I go completely wrong, and it's even worst on Hackerrank.
Have to admit, feel so dumb and lost2
Trying to get few things out of my chest.
Nothing is more frustrating than to make use of a bloated base code. Though it gets the job done, trying to fix bug-bombs planted by other developers is nerve wrecking and makes me feel like a member of bomb-squad. Damn!!
To the SUV guy who took a sudden left to dodge the pit, you startled me and I am sorry to have flicked my finger at you. I honestly didn't notice you had your family in car, heat of the moment made me do it. 3 weeks gone, still unable to get over it. Forgive mee!!
Okay. Confession time:
I made a devRant account to "Join the Dark Side". Dark themes are so much better than light themes. They're easier on the eyes (at least for me), they have more aesthetic appeal, and I personally love the color combinations. So I just wanted the dang dark theme. What I got was an addiction to devRant. Well done you sly developers you just hooked another user.1
I'm so proud I have you. You're the incredible professionals. Your efforts and your desire keep us on the track even at the toughest moments.
It's a honor to be this team's leader.
I bagging you. Do not ever fucking think you are able to make design decisions on your own!
I'm tired to toes of that shit you submit for code review every fucking day!!!
Confession : I swear -> my sweet Arch Linux was freeze in my laptop in my super lightweight tty env + tmux after about to quit demonstrate my friend about vim in vimtutor on yesterday.
(1st freeze after 1 half a year of using it. Maybe something wrong about my rot potato, but hey -> its a things ;)
(no data lost after hard reboot after all.)
(First time it failed without me thinker it ;) -> Its not my fault Jim~)12
I feel more comfortable with only one monitor when I work
I don't mind using Google and them using my data
I use Windows 10 as my main OS
I believe PHP is something that shouldn't have ever existed
I think laptop stickers are dope
x86 assembly is the most logically structured language of all the low levels
So I was asked by a client to make an app similar to prisma(not exactly that but let's say a caricature app) and I knew I have to research a lot.
Now I have been loyal to PHP for over 5 years so I first tried with GD and imagick but the results were not very good, so I thought let's try opencv. I didn’t wanna make any compromises so I didn't go the bridging way, I worked on native python even though I am a newbie in it. I was fairly impressed with the cartoonizing results but others weren't. Soon I got to know that this would take much more than simple filter combinations or matrix manipulations.
I read about prisma and got to know it uses deep neural networks for the same.
Now, in the five years I have learnt almost all the things a run-of-the-mill "Full stack Web Developer" should know.
I have a fair knowledge of PHP, many of its frameworks, many js frameworks(obviously jquery), I have a very good understanding of CSS and its models, I have worked on some cool algos and found solutions to many problems but I haven't gotten to stage where I can implement neural networks/machine learning in my projects.
It just scares me.
A little back story: I have been the CTO of a small scale company for about 1.5 years now.
So all this got me to asking myself should I just step down from the post to a position where I can learn more skills. Managing takes a lot more time where I can't learn a lot. Sure I learnt some other important things but not as much tech knowledge as I would have in a more basic position.
I know not many of you must have read this far, but if you did what do you think I should do? Really depressed at the moment.5
new Confession(new Rant()).admit("My kludge bit me in the ass. But If I make a series of classes that encapsulate (hide) the awful hacks, one day I can replace the hacks with nice code. This is why I say I love refactoring. But right now, procrastination looks ugly.").asRant()1
Do you randomly feel intense hatred towards people in your friend circle ?
Well I am
I have tons of friends to hang out and randomly talk about well... random things.
When it comes to more engineering related dev discussions I only have a couple friends.
One I don't speak to since he isn't very passionate about the field other than the money aspect. It's hard discussing with a person who can only see the monetary aspect of things.
Well this other guy was my only companion on this journey.. but he gave up and took on an acting career. Tbh I feel cheated. I don't have a companion / rival / anybody who I can really talk heart to heart when I get a random fun idea.
I understand how acting is on its own a pretty difficult skill but I definitely am feeling intense hatred for this fucker.
No knowledgeable guy puts himself in a situation where he has to decide between acting and electronics/programming .. and I considered this bloody motherfuck my intellectual companion.
This is what it feels like to be lonely despite having so many people around.
I'm going to work on creating a split personality. It's my only option to surviving in an engineering deprived country as mine (India).
The same country where 70% people end up engineers and most of them don't know what an oscilloscope is.1
confession: before today i had no idea what rust was. i read a wikipedia article and i'm still not sure, but i think i'm obligated to love it