Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "story time"
Dear assholes of the internet. Next time you publish an article/tutorial/story etc, PUT THE FUCKING PUBLICATION DATE AT THE TOP.
I don’t care about your need to be minimalist, FUCK YOU, INCLUDE THE DATE.18
So, in my spare time I run a little helper business that teaches children/teenagers how to program.
Theres a new kid that's been coming for around about a month, and I swear the kid is a programming deity.
He picked programming and more importantly developing remarkably quickly.
Long story short, I paid for him to go to a Hackathon in LA and he now has more business contacts than me.19
One day my mum got a call from a man claiming to be from Microsoft. He said there is something wrong with the computer and tried to make her install TeamViewer to "fix" it, but my mum didn't manage to install it for several hours until he gave up.
Sometimes knowing even less can save your PC.7
My grandma comes to me with all her computer problems, but this time she came to tell me a story instead.
She said she was about to call me for help, and then thought about what I would do. "Google it."
And guys, she did. She googled it. And she got an answer.
I taught her to fish, guys :) I did it.
One down, 6,999,999,998 to go...12
This is “Güero” (Blondie), the only cat I know who can use a computer.
I was at university. I couldn’t take my laptop to class because it was too huge, so I had to use remote connection.
One day, I connected to my laptop from the library, and everything was ok except that I couldn’t move the mouse! 😱 It was like somebody on the other side was using the mousepad. There was nobody in my house, just Blondie.
My solution? I called to my house. The cat heard the ring and left my laptop. It sounds stupid but, believe it or not, it worked! 😂
Blondie, the informatic cat.13
A couple of years ago, I was working in a computer shop as a "technician", I was 15, first job I ever had.
One day an elderly lady came into the shop, probably 50'ish, she and her whole family "suffered" from electromagnetic radiation, and the mother had the worst suffering. She complained about her TV box that just had died.
I accept the tuner and see it's wrapped with 10 layers of aluminium foil, with a tiny hole for the IR receiver.
The whole box smells like burnt electronics, and the foil gets darker for each layer I unwrap. I try explain to her that the box gets warm and overheated by wrapping it like this, and she's lucky that it didn't catch fire.
I further explain to her that she will not get a new box, because the warranty does not cover _this_. The mother tells me she has to wrap it like this, because she gets headaches when she's watching the news.
She then proceeds to go into a rage mode and gets her whole family into the shop, where all of them starts yelling at me, the younger kids start throwing stuff down from the shelves and touching the TVs with sticky fingers (literally, sticky, like yuck!).
Unsure what to do, boss is in a meeting, and my colleague is busy in the back.
So I calmly tell them that in this building there's 4 wireless networks, 3 wireless phones, high voltage cables run in the wall behind me, there's factory tracks 20 meters behind the building, next door business is an electrician, you're standing in front of wall with 30-40 TVs, 5 HDMI splitters, 3 TV boxes and a Blu-ray player. And they've all been standing in front of them for the last 10 minutes.
They all suddenly feel really sick and run out of the store, never to be seen again. From that day, I decided I'll never work in a shop again, and pursued my dreams to become a developer.
TL;DR: Family is "sensitive" to electromagnetic radiation, almost put burnt down their house because of stupidity, yelled at me. I decided to pursue my dream as a developer.16
My first post on devRant. Hope you like it (is a true story)
User : Hey, can you help me with this thumbdrive? Cannot open it
Me: Sure, let me see...
At this time I noticed that the drive was leaking something and smells funny also...
Me: Did you dropped it into water or something liquid?
User: Ehmm. Yes! Washed it with bleach!
Me: But why?
User : Oh! because of viruses.8
This was over a year ago now, but my first PR at my current job was +6,249/-1,545,334 loc. Here is how that happened... When I joined the company and saw the code I was supposed to work on I kind of freaked out. The project was set up in the most ass-backward way with some sort of bootstrap boilerplate sample app thing with its own build process inside a subfolder of the main angular project. The angular app used all the CSS, fonts, icons, etc. from the boilerplate app and referenced the assets directly. If you needed to make changes to the CSS, fonts, icons, etc you would need to cd into the boilerplate app directory, make the changes, run a Gulp build that compiled things there, then cd back to the main directory and run Grunt build (thats right, both grunt and gulp) that then built the angular app and referenced the compiled assets inside the boilerplate directory. One simple CSS change would take 2 minutes to test at minimum.
I told them I needed at least a week to overhaul the app before I felt like I could do any real work. Here were the horrors I found along the way.
- All compiled (unminified) assets (both CSS and JS) were committed to git, including vendor code such as jQuery and Bootstrap.
- All bower components were committed to git (ALL their source code, documentation, etc, not just the one dist/minified JS file we referenced).
- The Grunt build was set up by someone who had no idea what they were doing. Every SINGLE file or dependency that needed to be copied to the build folder was listed one by one in a HUGE config.json file instead of using pattern matching like `assets/images/*`.
- All the example code from the boilerplate and multiple jQuery spaghetti sample apps from the boilerplate were committed to git, as well as ALL the documentation too. There was literally a `git clone` of the boilerplate repo inside a folder in the app.
- There were two separate copies of Bootstrap 3 being compiled from source. One inside the boilerplate folder and one at the angular app level. They were both included on the page, so literally every single CSS rule was overridden by the second copy of bootstrap. Oh, and because bootstrap source was included and commited and built from source, the actual bootstrap source files had been edited by developers to change styles (instead of overriding them) so there was no replacing it with an OOTB minified version.
- It is an angular app but there were multiple jQuery libraries included and relied upon and used for actual in-app functionality behavior. And, beyond that, even though angular includes many native ways to do XHR requests (using $resource or $http), there were numerous places in the app where there were `XMLHttpRequest`s intermixed with angular code.
- There was no live reloading for local development, meaning if I wanted to make one CSS change I had to stop my server, run a build, start again (about 2 minutes total). They seemed to think this was fine.
- All this monstrosity was handled by a single massive Gruntfile that was over 2000loc. When all my hacking and slashing was done, I reduced this to ~140loc.
- There were developer's (I use that term loosely) *PERSONAL AWS ACCESS KEYS* hardcoded into the source code (remember, this is a web end app, so this was in every user's browser) in order to do file uploads. Of course when I checked in AWS, those keys had full admin access to absolutely everything in AWS.
- There was no error handling or reporting. An API error would just result in nothing happening on the front end, so the user would usually just click and click again, re-triggering the same error. There was also no error reporting software installed (NewRelic, Rollbar, etc) so we had no idea when our users encountered errors on the front end. The previous developers would literally guide users who were experiencing issues through opening their console in dev tools and have them screenshot the error and send it to them.
- I could go on and on...
This is why you hire a real front-end engineer to build your web app instead of the cheapest contractors you can find from Ukraine.20
A true story... sad but true
2.00AM ->> git commit -m "it's time to sleep"
2.45AM ->> git commit -m "I can't sleep, fixed the UI issue"3
Oh the project is almost finished?
Here's another feature the client requires before it can be released.
Me: Okay this will take another 2 weeks to implement. Is the client happy with that time frame?
PM: You have 3 days and there's no test time, so test as you go.
True story, was the last straw.6
I was once working on a project that dealt with incredibly sensitive financial data.
We needed a client’s database to do a migration.
They wouldn’t send it over the internet because it was too big and they didn’t think it would be secure.
They opt to send it in the post on an encrypted usb drive.
(Fair enough thinks I)
USB drive arrives.
Is indeed encrypted.
MFW there’s a post it note in the envelope with the password on.
MFW this is a billion dollar multinational petrochem company.
MFW this same company’s ‘sysadmin’ and ‘dba’ once complained because a SQL script I sent them didn’t work - they’d pasted it twice and couldn’t work this out from the fucking “table already created” error message management studio was throwing at them.3
"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that holds all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.
"You're probably wondering how we got to this stage? Let's wind back a little, shall we?"
A light tapping was heard at the entrance of my office.
"Oh hey [Boss] how are you doing?" I said politely
"Do you want to talk here, or do you want to talk in my office? I don't have anyone in my office right now, so..."
"Ok, we can go to your office," I said.
We walked momentarily, my eyes following the newly placed carpeting.
Some words were shared, but nothing that seemed mildly important. Just necessary things to say. Platitudes, I supposed you could call them.
We get to his office, it was wider now because of some missing furniture. I quickly grab a seat.
"So tell me what you've been working on," I said politely.
"I just finished up on our [project] that required proper saving and restoring."
"Great! How did you pull it off?" I asked excitedly.
He starts to explain to me what he did, and even opens up the UI to display the changes working correctly.
"That's pretty cool," admiring his work.
"But what's going on here? It looks like you deleted my class." I said, looking at his code.
"Oh, yeah, that. It looked like spaghetti code so I deleted it. It seemed really bulky and unnecessary for what we were doing."
"Wait, hold on," I said wildly surprised that he thought that a class with some simple setters and getters was spaghetti code.
"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that organizes all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.
"Yeah! I put everything in a list of lists."
"What, that's not efficient at all!" I exclaimed
"Well, I mean look at what you were doing here," he said, as he displays to me my old code.
"What's confusing about that?" I asked politely, but a little unnerved that he did something like this.
"Well I mean look at this," he said, now showing his "improved" code.
"We don't have that huge block of code (referring to my class) anymore filling up the file." He said almost a little too joyously.
"Ok, hold on," I said to him, waving my hand. "Go back to my code and I can show you how it is working. Here we are getting all the labels and spin boxes into their own objects." I said pointing a little further down in the code. "Down here we are returning the spin boxes we want to work with. Here and here, are setters so we can set maximum and minimum values for the spin box."
"Oh... I guess that's not that complicated. but still, that doesn't seem like really good bookkeeping." He said.
"Well, there are some people that would argue with you on that," I said, thinking about devRant.
He quickly switches back to his code and shows me what he did. "Look, here." He said pointing to his list of lists. "We have our spin boxes and labels all called and accounted for. And further down we can use a for loop to parse through them."
He then drags both our version of the code and shows the differences. I pause him for a moment
"Hold on, you mean you think this" I'm now pointing at my setters "is more spaghetti than this" I'm now pointing at his list of lists.
"I mean yeah, it makes more sense to me to do it this way for the sake of bookkeeping because I don't understand your Object Oriented Programming stuff."
After some time of going back and forth on this, he finally said to me.
"It doesn't matter, this is my project."
Honestly, I was a little heart broken, because it may be his project but part of me is still in there. Part of my effort in making it the best it can be is in there.
I'm sorry, but it's just as much my project as it is yours.16
I was hanging around with my friend:
Me: Gosh, this waiting is killing me!
Friend: You're programmer - aren't you used to waiting?
based on true story
> delivered project on time
> giving good performance
> boss noticed
> gives appreciation
> raise in salary
Short story time.
The last girl I dated was a proper geek. Like the kind of geek another geek wants. So one fine day she told me that she was making a greeting card for me. I was happy. After a few weeks she gave me the card and it was really cute. I loved it.
I reached home and received an email from her with a link in it. It was the link to a website she had made where each message from the card was deciphered to the real message.
That wasn't all. She didn't want the entire thing to be too easy. So the deciphered messages were password protected and I had to guess it.21
Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.4
So... I just remembered a story that's perfect for devrant.
My brother got into engineering in university, and during the second semester they had their introductory class to programming. They had weekly homeworks that the lecturer would check and give grades accordingly.
The factors that could influence the grading were: execution (meaning that the code would excecute as intended), efficiency and readabilty. The weeks passed and everyone was doing well, getting fairly good grades. Everyone was happy.
Until one day a random guy we'll call bob got the worst grade possible. Bob wasn't a bad student. He had over-the-average grades in all the weekly homeworks and even impressed the professor in some. Naturally, he was baffled when he saw his grade on the google spreadsheet. He was pretty sure his code ran well. He always tested it on different machines and OSs. So, at the end of the class, he went straight to the helper of the class, in a pretty imperative manner, to demand to know how the fuck he got that grade. It's impossible he got excecution, efficiency and readabilty, wrong. All three wrong? Impossible. Even the stupidiest kid in the class had some points on readabilty.
"Oh, so you are Bob. Huh?" said the helper in a laid-back attitude. "Come with me. Prof. X is waiting for you in his office."
This got Bob even more confused. As they approached the office, the courage he had in a first moment banished and gave way for nervousness and fear.
The helper nocks the door. "Prof., Bobs here"
As soon as Bob sits in the chair in front of Prof. X's, he knew something bad was coming.
"In all these years of teaching..." said Prof. X hesitantly. "In all these years of teaching I have not come even close to see something similar to what you've done. You should be ashamed of yourself." Needless to say, Bob was panicked.
"In all these years I have not seen such blatant mockery!" added the professor. "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN DARE TO SEND A HOMEWORK WITH SUCH VARIABLE NAMING" That's when Bob realised the huge mistake he made. "NEVER IN ALL THESE YEARS I HAVE SEEN SOMEONE NAME HIS VARIABLES *opens the file on his desktop *: PENIS, SHIT, FUCKSHIT, GAYFUCKING<insert Prof. X's name>MAN, GOATSE, VAGINAVAR, CUMFUNCTION, [...]" The list of obcenities went on and on. In each word, the professor hit the table harder than the last time.
Turns out Bob felt so in comfort with the ease of the course he decided to spice things up by using "funny naming conventions" while coding, and then tidying everything up before uploading the homework. This week he forgot, and fucked it big time.
So remember folks, always check your code before committing/giving it in/production. And always adhere to naming conventions.9
When I was 14, I was bad at many things. I sucked at sports cause I was weak and small. School was boring so I did not study. I mostly played games.
During a summer break, I wanted to change shit in WarCraft 3, as I heard from a friend that heard it from a friend, that you can do that. Many internet searches later I realised that you kind of just tell to the game what you want it to do, just simplified. If (target is enemy) do damage, for (every human player) make sparkly stuff...
After months of "playing" games, the new school year started and I got, for the first time, a proper computer class. Imagine my surprise when we started doing the shit I did all summer. That year I had 100% on all tests.
Many years later programming gave me friends, made my inner nerd and geek come out, gave me a free trip to the USA to represent my country, two TEDx talks, and finally a job that I like with the pay I can live with.11
Not sure it counts as data loss, more temporary corruption (and in my own brain).
> be me.
> be clinically depressed
> be recently out of an awful breakup
> recently nearly committed suicide by train
> be bored and lonely one night
> take lsd
> feel fine
> go to McDonald’s
> feel fine
> while eating question the nature of reality
> become convinced I’m an observer of a cosmic story and cannot die
> go outside in only jeans
> run in traffic at 1AM to prove my point
> don’t die
> run around the streets more sure of my new reality than I’d ever been of anything
> feel free and no longer sad
> walk around observing the world
> sit on wall and wonder why the story had the structure I was observing
> fall off wall into grass and mud
> follow cute guy into apartment building
> follow into lift
> ask what everything means
> spend better part of couple hours in lift pressing emergency button asking for help
> get no response
> scare poor Russian lady that gets into lift and finds an overweight topless man on the floor babbling incoherently
> ride to top floor
> get out
> sit on leather chair in corridor
> decide I’m actualising my desires and reality
> don’t realise this is just the trip wearing off and consciousness exerting more control
> walk into random apartment (door is unlocked because why wouldn’t it be for the god that I believe I am at this point)
> gorgeous apartment
> realise it’s a family apartment from clothes in hallway and items
> find bathroom
> decide I want a bubble bath
> run bubble bath
> can’t work out how to drain water. Bath now full of twigs and mud #sorry
> decide that I’d like to go home, or onto my next adventure. Hopefully the seaside as I’m now realising I have more control.
> open bathroom door
> not the seaside. Ah well. Try to walk home
> walk home wrapped in fluffy towel from nice family’s apartment
> get home
> realise what had happened
> throw remaining drugs away
> sit and rock in utter paranoia and guilt for hours until flatmate wakes up.
MFW first bad trip ever.
MFW I wonder whether that family knew I was there and were scared / discovered the mess in the bathroom the next morning and not knowing which is worse.
MFW I still have the towel because it’s fluffy AF.
The moral of the story kids, is that when it comes to the OS rattling around in your brain, installing a virus that is sensitive to what apps you have running is a bad idea when those apps make the virus go to fucking town.
Terrible analogy I know, but fuck it.31
I went out of office for a while, and when I was going to sit on my desk, a co-worker said me “Elizadeath, the boss wanna talk with you”. I was concerned, I though “maybe something broke in production code, or they need an urgent code, I don’t know”.
Well, that wasn’t what I expected.
“Elizadeath” she said “I’m seriously worry about you. I saw the plastic bottles our team has collected for the recyling project, and I realized that most of the Coca-Cola bottles came from you!”
Yes, it was a Coca-cola addiction intervention 😂 I’m drinking more water and less coke from now, for my health 😊19
I spent about 5 hours today coding and I was totally in the zone. I'm talking things were working properly, tests were passing, bugs were being squashed all over the place. It was completely amazing, I felt like a god ruling over my code kingdom.
After about 5 straight hours I realized that I needed food so I got up, stretched my legs and had some dinner. Well I sat back down about an hour ago and I am SO far out of the zone. Everything is breaking, I can't focus and I have no idea why. My kingdom was overrun with a plague of bugs in just the short time I paused to eat.
Moral of the story: when you get in the zone don't stop for anything even if it seems like basic human necessity. After all we aren't human when we're in the zone, we are coding gods.7
Just got word that my old company terminated an ec2 instance and ended up deleting all the volumes attached to the instance.
They were using attached volumes as backups 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Who does that?
A lot of customers are very unhappy campers today.
They are all ecommerce sites, some of them with revenue in the millions.
No sites, no backups, no income.
Over a hundred companies don't have sites this am.
Always research who you entrust your own business to!
And always, always, have your own backup solution. Don't trust other companies they are doing the right thing. Because most of time they aren't.
I'm sure there will be lawsuits.
However, there response is even more comical.
Dear customer who entrusted there very own livelihood to us:
We have discovered a regression in our systems that failed to enable termination protection. We have fixed this regression and have found the issue in other instances that have also been fixed.
All backups have been lost. If you have your own backups please give them to us and we will rebuild your site. [However all recent orders are lost, in fact all orders, products, images, customizations, from the most probably dated backups, if any, are lost. Emphasis mine]
Nothing about we are improving our backup method to make it redundant. Just "we switched on termination protection" wtf? 20 dollars a month at rsync.net would have saved a company. Instead, they entrust backups to an attached volume? How is that even called a backup! It's attached!12
Real and true story of me.
Friend : what was his first pickup lines that melt you ?
Me : nah, he was straight to the point
F : come on, you both always look romantic all the time. there must be something in the beginning. tell me more !
Friend : fine, he said "I Like you, can i i SSH you ?" so i replied "I'm not that complicated, sudo hug me"
F: i regret being your friend.16
I hope you will forgive me for a third hand story, but I'm one of those evil developers, not a support per se. But I thought you'd enjoy this story anyway. So this happened to a colleague of a colleague:
$Hero - our hero. $Cop - A representative of our hard worked law enforcement agency.
So $Hero is happily speeding along in his car, running a few yellow lights a bit late, etc. Finally, the law catches up to him and pulls him over. Here's how the conversation went:
$Cop: Can I see your driving license, please?
$Hero (with smug grin): Certainly. Here it is, officer.
$Cop takes license back to motorcycle and speaks into radio.
$Hero: It's not going to help you any, though.
$Cop (with no reaction): What do you mean?
$Hero (with wider grin): The server you have to check it against is down.
$Cop (still no reaction): And why do you say that?
$Hero: Because I'm the guy they called to get on site and get it up again.
Our hero did not get a fine this time. Instead he got a police escort to his workplace.
Source: reddit r/talesfromtechsupport3
My exboyfriend used to code in php 5. It’s his favourite programming language, and I hardly teached him how to code in Python.
One day, I said to him: Hey schatz, let’s go to the sex shop ...
He: Oh yeah 😏
Me: ... and buy an elephant thong 😁
Me: Yes, a blue elephant thong for Php
He: No way!
He: Ok. I’m working at a cultural events web page. When I got my first client, we’ll go to the sex shop and buy the “php thong”.
Well... I broke up with him before we could go to the sex shop 💔😂😭( for another reasons, not for the php thong, obviously)
Do you have any funny story like this?29
It's a funny story. When at the gym I usually wear t-shirts with tech companies logos, from companies I've worked at. This guy comes to me and asks if I'm a programmer. Turns out he's also a programmer and we began chatting every time we were at the gym at the same time. Some months later he joined the company I work at and we're now colleagues. He's a pretty cool dude.2
Reading some of the wk50 rants makes my blood run cold. brrrrr. They're terrifying.
While my story goes just like this.
Didn't know our manager(let's call him R) messaged us in our group chat that he won't make it to office for that day.
My account replied "Let's have moment of silence for those who left us. R, you will be missed. :'( Thank you for everything.".
I didn't notice the message until lunch time and my co-devs (with much back-slapping and laughing) told me I'm a gem. -_-
I just went to get some coffee, forgot to lock my unit and came back a murderer.
AND It was only my 2nd month on the job.6
We called it "Project Hindenburg".
A huge planning and logistics app with hundreds of screens and dozens of interwoven subfunctions, suddenly needed to be able to support multiple time zones. Our project was to retrofit every area that touched on dates or times, to allow the user to specify, and work in, any time zone.
At this point in the story I can tell whether you have had to work with time zones in code. People who haven't are butting in with something that begins, "that should be fairly simple, you just need to..." followed by some irrelevant noise that betrays their ignorance.
People who have worked with time zones are nodding in shared pain, like fellow attendees of a survivors meeting.
You see, programmers tend to think of time zones as arithmetic; in reality, they are confusing, ambiguous, chaotic, and individual. You can't translate everything into a central time zone (eg UTC) because you lose the user's intent. For example, if you schedule a meeting for 3pm and then move it to the next day, you want it at 3pm even if the clocks have changed.
Project Hindenburg ended up using the entire development staff of the company for well over a year. It smashed our release projections to rubble, made an already tangled code base completely unmaintainable, introduced mind-bending edge case bugs that reduced staff across the company to tears (literally), and led to most of the mid-level and senior developers eventually quitting (including me).
I am @fuckfuckityfuck, and that was the story of Project Hindenburg.12
You know the story about Battlefront 2? How long it takes to farm points to unlock those cool characters like Darth Vader etc? Yeah, it takes some time. Time that I necessarily don’t want to spend on mindless playing. I thought I’d try to beat the system by building this thing that would play the game for me by moving and jumping every few seconds.
I already have the code ready and now I just need to build the physical thing that will actually interact with the controller.
I am using an Arduino Uno with two micro servos.
Honestly I just want to see if I could build it, I’m not sure I will actually use it (you barely get any points if you’re not killing people anyway).
I’ll keep you posted with the result!14
(sorry if someone's already shared this)
Very true though. I remember very clearly when I was around 10 years old, wondering what all these random symbols on a keyboard were for and what type of person would use them.
I guess I'm that type of person; never would have guessed at the time that my fascination with technology would lead to where I am now.
Anyone here have a cool story to share about why they decided to become a developer?4
In my short time of working in the IT industry, I have seen my co-workers treated badly during their notice period before resignation.
The question is why!!??
So, today when I found this story, I knew it will stay with me forever ..17
23:04 Client: We need these changes pushed to production before morning.
06:22 Staff: Changes pushed to prod.
<Tells story to manager>
Manager: Sum up the time you've worked on it and double it.
This isn't a special thing, we however have a policy stated in our contracts that all changes must be scheduled with a minimum of 24h before the time they're needed.9
My favorite IT story (not mine) is that the server needed to be rebooted whenever it froze completely. The best solution? Get an old PC that had a CD drive, and every time it loses connection to the server, eject the CD tray which had a poking stick attached that hits the reset button.4
Year 2200, somewhere unknown. A robot drone flies above a now destroyed city. As it slowly descends down, it finds it's way into a building. In the rubble, a monitor is still flashing. The drone moves toward the monitor. After few minutes of analysis, drone releases a connector from it's belly. It connects to CPU nearby. After scanning the system for another few minutes, it's apparent the system was not the new OS which the Government released and Mandated. Rather, a prehistoric OS which legends spoke in hushed tones. An OS so powerful, which controlled then millions of computers.
Like the story so far? Should I continue?11
It's time for another teacher story. So grab a cup of tea and listen.
We were casually talking about Arduino programming because he told me he teaches this in another class.
Teacher: it's so sad that i can't use my java code on the Arduino. I mean the Arduino uses java so there shouldn't be a problem.
Me: *internal* HOLD THE FUCK ON
Me: you know that the Arduino uses c and not java, do you?
Teacher: but the Arduino can do java commands! How do you explain this!?
Me: because java uses the c-syntax and it's more of a coincidence that they're named the same way?
Teacher: huh. Ok. But C# doesn't use it, am i right?
How can someone this dumb be a programming teacher 🤦6
*Programers can't spell*
In a previous job, I once spelled inquiries as enquiries. It was a service and it was used in many places throughout the app. Somehow, it made it through peer review and even my teammates started using the misspelled word.
I didn't realize my mistake till months later and by that time I thought it was too much work to fix it (or I was too lazy).
I'm pretty sure we even misspelled it for the on-screen texts.
Moral of the Story: know how to spell shit11
A client just asked me to fix his internet over the phone. After about 25 mins of remote troubleshooting, he tells me "Hey nevermind, it was just the monitor" *click*
And that my children, is the story about the time i lost faith in humanity.3
I’ve battled depressed I failed to realized I had for many years. I didn’t love myself, I forgot what it felt like to love myself, and then one day my life turned around out of the blue. I believe my turning point was when I realized that I wasn’t alone and that people did care about me. I just wasn’t motivated especially after almost losing my cousin to suicide 3-4 months back. It changed my DNA, my personality, everything about me changed until I told myself that I had enough.
Today marks the 4th month where I last had a cup of coffee, soda, or junk food in general because in all honesty it was just making my depression worse. Today also marks the 4th month I’ve been going to the gym without fail and I’ve now noticed how far I’ve come. I love myself more than ever now and I am VERY goal oriented as well. I have one more year left until I get my bachelors degree in Software Development and soon after I’ll go in for my Masters and who knows what I’ll do after that.
It’s all uphill from here and by sticking to my new routines I am feeling a lot better as the days and months pass.
Attached is my progress thus far, left is from when I felt at my lowest and right is the progress I’ve made so far with improving myself and where I am at now.
I love myself, I love those that love me, and I LOVE feeing AMAZING like I do now when I wake up every morning waiting to see what the day has in store for me 😄❤️38
The sad story of a coders life in india..
So apparently my friends don't understand the basic concept of "enjoying" coding. This comes from a 1st yr undergrad. Everyone here view coding as some subject or some college course that is done just for the sake of grades. When they get free time, they waste it away smoking up at some filthy old building mocking us coders. Sadly I share a room with such idiots. The problem is that coding is something we love, something we do because our hearts yearn for it, because we are addicted. And because of my useless roommates, I'm losing out on my friggin friends. I swear we coders are always looked down upon way too much. We aren't usual nerds, we just don't believe in wasting our time on tinder or Facebook or smoking pot.11
Really upbeat quirky music on full blast. That really gets me pumped up.
In my previous company, I had the best co-workers both technically and personally. So this one time we had a product launch scheduled and there was a shit load of tasks that had to be done before the launch. The entire team used to work for 18 hours straight almost daily to meet the deadline. Sometimes stress used to get the better of us, so to help ourselves relax, we used to play pranks on each other. Like this one time one of my friends had left his email logged in. Obviously we shot out a mail to the entire company group that I have become a dad. The funny part about this was he wasnt even married. So things like these used to keep us going and there was always laughter and fun going around.3
When you start a job and they tell you to put your nice laptop away, because you'll have to work on a company provided laptop running Windows 7 in a constricted environment on a project using Svn. And to top it off they tell you to trade in your IntelliJ for NetBeans.
Did I just travel back in time?13
Story time :
Sometime ago I posted a video on YouTube on how to root a particular phone that was lying around at home. I was trying to demonstrate one of those "one-tap root" apps that were plentiful in the market. It so happened that one specific version of Framaroot and one particular method of exploit works for that device. I even verified this by trying different versions and it didn't work. So in the description it was mentioned to use ONLY this version that worked. Few days later there were atleast 5 dislikes and comments that it didn't work on some other version.
That's how I understood how stupid and dumb people can get.7
Me:( before vacation ) plans a schedule , decides to be productive.
Me: (during vacation) sleeping all time, doing nothing productive.
Huh! my sad story !7
Ok so I'm in school and I'm on the computers we have to do a project on them the with rest of the class and I'm sitting beside this guy let's call him Bob (not his real name) anyways so Bob is working away on his computer and I'm trying to move documents and i decided to use cmd for it so opened it and then bob saw the cmd window and yelled "TEACHER HE'S TRYING TO HACK THE SCHOOL" then my teacher came over who has no idea how to operate computer like the rest of the class im surprised they can even turn the computer on anyways my teacher comes over and yells "PRINCIPALS OFFICE RIGHT NOW" and I'm like WTF?! anyways I have to explain to the principal what I was doing but she didn't understand so I go detention that day. Thanks a lot BOB!12
Me: Do u have antivirus Software installed That could possibly Blockade the Data for our Software.
Customer: Yes My computer is very safe i use 3 antiviruses.
Me: At the Same time?
Customer: Yes so My computer is better protected
Me: says no more
True Story just happend 10 minutes ago xD Had a good laugh with My coworkers16
Funny story from yesterday at work.
Useful to know for later on, the last sentence of the 'convo' is a sentence from a Dutch movie, it basically translates to 'youre fired, vagina' (we swear with that here but it sounds better in Dutch tbh)
Somehow got to the subject of motorbike lessons:
Colleague (M): so just imagine the motorbike instructor arriving for the first lesson and me doing a wheelie right away 😆
Colleague (B): and then his boss coming around at the same time and seeing that happening
(one of our most silent but always on point colleagues) Colleague (c): je bent ontslagen, kut!
Aaaaaand everyone fucking lost it 😂7
Hello DevRant, im a junior cloud consultant and this is my story:
Last monday a salesman, i call him bob, informed me that he planned me in a project starting next week. So far so good despite im currently working already in an other project....
I tried to explain him that its impossible to be on two locations at the same time.
His answer was quite funny because he said its my problem and he promised this the customer a month ago (without asking me or looking into my calendar)
As you can imagine the customer was not happy when i contacted him, to say him that the project could not start before may.
Of course this escalated to the managing director of my company. Bob tried to made it look that it was my fault.
After a long rant mail, where i told my story and about our incompetent salesforce i got a reply from him that he is sorry and a forced excuse mail from bob.
Registered for a job application website and on profile page I see my password in clear type! ...
Time to change password to an easy one and remove profile as fast as possible...
Story goes on: changed password which included a special char successfully.
Tried to remove the account but was told password has invalid chars.
Logged off to see if the password still works. Can't login anymore...
Instant rant mail to admit.9
At a precious employer.
Hire shit-hot contractor.
No technical test at interview stage because he’s so shit-hot.
Is a uni lecturer.
PhD in mathematics.
Me: Shit, this guy must be good!
6 months later and a tragedy of errors and clearly misspent company funds later:
Manager: can you look at what x did and merge it into the product?
Me: Sure. *looks* *yells fuck very loudly*
*walks over to manager*
“Soooo... you know those 6 months and thousands and thousands you spent? It’s all for nought. There’s barely anything there, and none of it works.”
Manager: “Shit. What are we going to do? Can you fix it?”
Me: “To be honest, it would be quicker to just do it from scratch than try to work out what he’s done and failed to do.”
Manager: “Fuck. Ok. Go for it.”
I then had to build this entire new lot of systems, a workflow system, a user management and permissions system.
I got it done inside a month or so.
For context, we (the devs) knew something was afoot when the contractor couldn’t work out why his keyboard wasn’t working (it wasn’t plugged in), and he also *really* struggled to find his way around visual studio and git.
The moral of this tale? *always always* screen your candidates. Even if they seem amazing on paper.15
Server room horror story time!
So I went into my little server room yesterday and heard a lot of noises that were like someone was cutting metal. So I started looking and hearing from where the sound came, ended up being a DELL PowerEdge 2950 from which all 6 drives were failing.. got lucky to back everything up, had to use the deepfreeze method though.. so guys learn from this mistake and don't put disks from the same batch in your server unless you have a good backup solution. Feel free to share your horror stories down in the comments ;)5
At university. But at first I thought I was too stupid because everyone in my class sounded like they started hacking the NSA at age 3, and I hadn't even opened a command line. Even had a proffessor tell me if I didn't ace his OOP class, I should quit (I failed, did good the second time though). Moral of the story is: fuck him, and anyone who tells you that you can't do something.5
>Have 64gb memeory stick with software and precious memories (back ups of childhood pictures and stuff)
>Go to girlfriend's house
>Let her borrow it because she needed it for photography (pictures in the TrueCrypt file take only about a quarter of the drive)
>Get dumped by girlfriend after a while
>Shrug and be a little sad
>Find out that i dont have a local copy of what was there
>Don't have courage to ask for it back or even speak to her
>Cry because of now gone data
>Cry because no back ups.
Moral of the story is dont fuck with your back up and also, don't give people precious data, even the ones you trust at the time.4
Let me tell you a story:
One upon a time poor lil PonySlaystation received a call. It was a nice guy who cried about his WordPress website had been hacked. So the clusterfuck began...
He gave me the login credentials for the hosting back-end, DB, FTP and CMS.
A hacked WP site was not new for me. It was probably the 6th of maybe 10 I had to do with.
What I didn't expect was the hosting back-end.
Imagine yourself back in 1999 when you tried to learn PHP and MySQL and all was so interesting and cool and you had infinite possibilities! Now forget all these great feelings and just take that ancient technology to 2018 and apply it to a PAID FUCKING HOSTING PROVIDER!
HOLY FUCKING ASSRAPE!
Wanna know what PHP version?
5.3.11, released the day before gomorrah was wiped.
The passwords? Stored in fucking plaintext. Shown right next to the table name and DB user name in the back-end. Same with FTP users.
EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK?!
I have to call Elon Musk and order some Boring Company Flame Throwers to get rid of this.
Long story long, I set up a new WP, changed all passwords and told the nice guy to get a decent hoster.4
This memory came up as I was commenting on another rant, and thought it was worthy of a better retelling.
So about a year or two ago, I had just gotten a Software Defined Radio, and was tinkering with it and looking around for cool stuff I could do with it. After stalking planes for a while (caught a 747 over my area 😎) I saw this program that decoded satellite images of earth, coming from the NOAA satellites. I thought this was amazing.
So I waited until one was over my area and let the software do its magic. The image was not great, since I had this set up on the first floor and there was a lot of material between me and the satellite.
So I came to the brilliant conclusion that I'd leave the program on automatic more (it will start sampling when the satellite is near) on my terrace, which should yield better results, right?
Perhaps. Who knows. Anyways, couple hours pass and we are running late to a family dinner. So we book it. Family dinner was great, good food and all, and was having fun, so never thought about my poor laptop, sitting alone in the night.
But then, when I was walking home in the rain... It hit me. I started running. I couldn't believe what I had done. Fast forward five minutes, and I'm out of breath, but home. I run upstairs, and see the laptop just sitting there, lid open, no lights on, and of course soaked right through.
I couldn't believe it. My only piece of tech at the time, and my only avenue for programming, gone. And I was 15, so I wasn't getting another one any time soon. Took it inside and drained the water out of it, and just left it there lying on its side.
Next day it worked just fine 🤣 the battery on my laptop only lasted max one hour, so by sheer luck it had lost power before the rain came. That is the one time I have to thank that battery for being such utter trash.7
Story #1: So I took a month of parental leave. And was planning to extend it a little longer to deal with my final exams. I was planning to spend lots of quality time with my wife and newborn son. Little did I know... It turns out that out of 5 OoO weeks I was looking forward I actually had 3 at most. The rest I've spent working remotely as I was insisted to deploy a brand new and poorly tested feature to PROD 2 days before my paternity leave. So I spent 2 weeks debugging things in PROD. Remotely. Needless to say that did suck.
Story #2: After story #1 I've learnt my lesson. This summer I took 3 weeks annual leave to renovate my apartment. I asked to not to be disturbed unless there's an emergency. And an emergency it was. One of our app users had a planned hi-load batch job lasting for 2-3 months. Hundreds of thousands of items had to be created and processed. It turns out the _processing_ algo had some flaws and was acting out. I was called out and asked to assist. I knew this sort of debugging is going to take a lot of my time so this time I put my conditions on the table: I will assist but I'll extend my leave by 1.5 the time I spend working now. They took the deal. Instead of 3 weeks I had 5 weeks of vacation!
I don't care that much about my salary. I prefer to exchange it for my time off hence I didn't ask for compensations.
Bottom line: NEVER EVER underestimate or undersell your time and effort. You are a valuable asset and if the team/client needs you on your day off -- make it count. Your time off is YOUR time. Never forget it.3
Till today I was programming everything in Notepad++. I thought that I don't need an IDE... I thought I would be freer without one.
When I saw that students could apply for a JetBrains student Pack I took the Opportunity, applied and became a student license. I just wanted to check PhpStorm out.
I downloaded PhpStorm and holy shit! I totally love this IDE. Screw NotePad. I linked it to GitHub and my local server. It is supporting me so much. I was so stupid for using Notepad++ all the time...
Long story short: I have to learn so many hotkeys now.22
The person from this story (https://devrant.com/rants/2236613/...) has returned!
It was 2 days ago. He sent me a message asking me if I could help him with something. I answered what was something. He answered:
"I need your help with my computer. I want to transform it in a desktop. Con you come over to my house?"
This time, knowing what I had to do based on the last rant, I answered:
"Yes, but since last time you were such a jackass, I need you to sign this document i'll send you, and then make a photo of it signed."
"Wtf? Are you really making me do this????!?!"
That document was only a page, but do you think he read it? If you answered "no", then you are right. He did not read a thing. And that was what I thought he would do. And this is why he will hate me tomorrow when I'll go to his house...
The contract he signed asked him that every hour of work he will have to pay me 50 euros. And that is why I will work as slow as possible... Tomorrow I will tell you how it went.
I hope that he doesn't read the contract for some reason...15
Horrible interview story:
I was interviewed in a meeting room along with 2 other applicants at the same time. Our CVs were read to us in front of each other, and the questions were asked game show style where the fastest one answers.
It was terribly unprofessional and a huge red flag.
They wanted to give me a starting salary of 1000$.
Thankfully, I got accepted in another much better company before making a possibly huge mistake.8
Funny story: everytime i take the MacBook of a friend, it somehow manages to crash after a certain time. Seems like it doesn't like me.3
Wan't to hear my ridiculous recruiter story? I am originally from MA, and been on a small town since I was 4 (Born in Brazil). Well after years and years on the same town, always going back (MA) when a job here and there wouldn't work out. Going through some depression, and just got tired of everything. Well one day I found a recruiter on linkedIn and he knew a friend of mine. So he said he had a possible job offer but it was in Florida, anyhow he would later contact me and in the mean time for me to send him some examples of my work. Well in the mean time I packed my stuff and called him letting him know I was on the way. He was shocked and didn't know what to say. Went to the interview with him, got the job. 9 months later :) I don't regret taking my changes, it was all I had. I'm currently employed, love my job, and if it wasn't for my ridiculous recruiter... I don't know where I would have ended up. Long story, sorry /: ... here is a potato :) (9gag reference)11
I give the junior dev that i've negatively referenced in my previous rant access to the repo for my upcoming project. The project handles a wide array of healthcare message parsing so you can imagine the complexity of some of these parsings as the messages go 10-20 layers deep.
He takes one look at the parser and says "Dude, its no wonder your kids are so fucking clumsy, have you taken one look at this cod...". I interrupted him sternly to insist that I will knock each tooth of his down this throat until he is gagging on them.
This asshole knows nothing about my kids except the usual funny story I tell in the office and yet feels it was his realm to shit on my work and my children at the same time. He has been kissing ass so hard sense that its creepy but I still cannot express how much i dislike this kid.10
About seven years ago, I was in high school and had friends who kinda rocked with computers. I mean, they knew how to build one, how to make cross tests to find what was wrong with one, which softwares to install to detect viruses, etc. Once, I was with one of these friends, A, when another friend, G, came to us to explain his problem: his computer didn't turn on anymore. He said that he opened the computer, took off the RAM, that let the computer start once, but when he switched off again he wouldn't start anymore.
I was just a silent witness, and A started to ask G how it did happen. "Oh, I was downloading an Allopass generator, when my computer froze."
"But where on hell did you download that? So we can try to find exactly what virus you downloaded! " "Actually", said G, "I was on a streaming site at first, then saw an, then another, and after a dozen sites I found this soft..."
"But", A couldn't believe it, "you don't have antivirus or anything that would have told you not to download it?"
"Oh, it tried, but I reaaaaaally wanted this software. So I shut down it and managed to download it."
I burst in laugh. At the same time I was feeling bad for this poor computer. What amazed me it that not once during the process, G thought it was a bad idea to download an Allopass generator found in an ad that even his antivirus told him it was dangerous.
Nice ending, A took the computer, and managed to make it work again. He even managed to keep important stuff that wasn't destroyed by the virus. G got a little lesson by A, then got yelled at by his parents, because the computer was in fact theirs.
Thanks for reading, and sorry if there's any mistake (grammar, punctuation, etc.), I am on my phone with autocorrect set on french. Have a nice day!5
After completing my sprint and some lingering stuff in the backlog
Me: Hey, there's this tiny feature people have really requested, I'll go build it since I got nothing else to do at the moment. It'll only take like 1h
PO: Hmm ok. Don't work on that yet, we need to check with business people and agree on the user stories and bla bla bla
Me: Ok, well there's these bugs I can take care of then, I'll get them fixed, won't be long.
PO: Hmmm, we need to measure the impact first. Let me get back to you on that a bit later
Me: Meh, oh. I'll refactor this bad component meanwhile then.
PO: Have you created a story for that in JIRA? Create the story first and then we'll groom it and take it in when we've time
Me in my head: Dafuq! Im trying to work on your fucking project but you keep throwing all that business bueraucracy shit at me. What am I supposed to do then? Sip coffee in the kitchen and talk about the other fucking billion failed "new business opportunities" with my peers? Fuck this circle jerk of a billion management people all trying to make themselves important. Nothing. Ever. Gets. Fucking. Done!!!
Me: Ah right, I'll do that *proceeds to the water cooler*5
It happened me a few years ago. I live in the Netherlands, but I am Hungarian. My new "friends" asked me to fix their laptop. I did it for free. It turns out, it was a huge mistake. In the next half a year I've solved several issues to them and to their family members (I don't get it, how they can ruin a well working hardware and software that fast, but it is another story). It takes a lot from my free time at the end. Then I had enough and ask some money to fix the next laptop. The price wasn't high, a bit more than a half of the repair shop's price. They tried to press me to do it for free, cos "you are our friend and you are hungarian too, we have to help each other out". I said no. It is too much. I've never seen them again...9
The time when we were not aware with advance features of IDE and version control.
(3-4 days before the project demo)
Me: This code was working fine last time. Now it is not compiling. Has anyone did some changes?
Team member: I corrected some spellings. So that our teachers don't correct us at the time of demo.
Me: (shocked, expression less ) We demo the application not the code. And you have not corrected on all the places.
Team member: You should do the rest.
(Based on true story)
When you ask Windows to copy two large folders simultaneously and you see : "Time remaining : 1634 years, 156 days and 3 hours".
Sorry I quit, these 3 hours are too long!2
Story: Fastest I got a freelance/contract job
Company: *sends me an email that we saw you on GitHub, your profile is good and blah blah openings etc, if you are interested provide phone and suitable time.
*On call* starters conversation done in 2 minutes
C: how much experience do you have in blah blah frameworks
Me: x months
C: can you do blah blah work
C: we want you to join from blah blah date and we can pay you x much money
Me: alright thanks, send me the formalities.4
Woke up this morning to the message below:
"I have [ insert name ]'s old laptop. Can you please have a look at it , i mean to see if it can be fixed.It seems fine."
Long story short.. Windows 10 out, Elementary OS in! While I enjoy this pizza at the same time. Funny thing is, the time taken to install Elementary OS was shorter than the time Windows was taking to update this laptop..oh well, another old PC joins the Linux laptops in the house.9
Two days ago I went to change an Nvidia driver on my Linux mint partition and it ended up breaking everything, all my fault because I'm so new to Linux, anyways to dig that hole deeper I looked for ways to fix it, found some random command that managed to destroy mint even more lol. I had no start menu and cinnamon kept going into recovery mode.
But the next day after spending time working through what to do I managed to fix it, I basically downloaded mintmenu again and uninstalled the graphics driver
All in all I think I've come closer to learning how fun Linux is, it was fun fixing what I broke rather than actually clean installing mint again.
Morale of the story: don't randomly use commands found on the net that has 3 upvotes lol8
Me: Hey “Schatz” (german equivalent to “treasure”, “sweety”)
M: What R U doing?
S: Working on my page
M: Oh C (C for “Sí”, what is “Yes” in spanish)
S: && U?
M: null (nothing)
* several Simpsons memes later *
S: Schatzy (female schatz, me), (Want to go to Amy Winehouse tributte) == true
M: Cuz I !like it
S: oh, && you.want2Go2TheCinema == true
S: True ^_^
S: I !know, Tomorrow at !morning?
M: !not cool
S: !hate you
M: Me !neither
Note: Schatz it’s also a dev (Php dev)
What do you think? Should we all promote a “developer slang”? Which phrases would you like to add?6
3 years ago I started my computer science bachelor's, during this time I thought that I would finish my 3 years and get a job as soon as I'm finished, I was certain that I would never study any advanced programs.
I was also told from my seniors that only an 8'th of all of us that started will get a degree on time since half quits the first year, half of what's left quit the second and half of what's left the third year will get a job before finishing
3 years later, not only did I get my degree on time , but I am now studying for a masters...
Moral of the story: never say never || life is strange || you can't plan ahead in life4
Your most paranoic internet experience?
Several years ago, I was going to watch my first porn movie, and I was so afraid of the porn page publishing on my facebook "Elizadeath liked Xporn.net" or something like that (I had family on my facebook friends) so I:
1.- Used an old tablet (even its screen was crashed)
2.- Removed all email accounts (it has Android)
3.- Uninstalled all the social media apps, including youtube
4.- Put a piece of tape on the frontal camera
5.- Bought new headphones
6.- Navigated at the Android's default browser instead of Chrome, and in "secret" mode
7.- Deleted the cache and history after watching the movie XD
What's your experience?23
I had a manager in a fortune 500 company encourage me to install a web cam with live feed in another team members cube as a prank. Being younger, I trusted him and so figured it would fine and just get a good laugh.
Then another member found the setup and reported it. Turns out, this broke so many company regulations, I could have been fired on the spot. They confiscated my laptop and I got the 3rd degree from my senior director, who told me I was lucky to be a contractor at the time or the situation would have been even worse.
Moral of the story for younger folks in large corporations... don't take everything your higher ups say as gospel. Think for yourself and do your own research if something feels iffy.2
My mum just came to me asking me why the mouse is not working ...like I'm GOD of electronics :( (I'm just a simple dev) I simply though that the battery is dead because it's old. Soooooo.....
I showed her how to open it and how to change the battery. After 5 min she came back with a new battery and the same mouse asking me to fix it for her....
In my mind I literally snapped my brain was bleeding and exploding at the same time.
I just cringed a fake smile and changed the battery in front of her very slowly. I sure she won't remember how to do it next time.
At the end of the story I can't talk back or be angry to my parents I have to much respect for them. They though me everything from how to poop, speak, dress, eat and so on.
Be kind to your parents.5
OKAY FUCK OFF APP I JUST WROTE A LONG AF STORY AND THE DEVRANT APP WENT AND CRASHED
i guess i will write the story some other time then :).8
Three word story:
I saw the infinity rant @linuxer4fun created and got inspired--it's about time we write one of those somewhat nasty, utterly random, amazingly sophisticated three word stories (spanning unto eternity!)
This means I start by writing three words, somebody else responds to that with three words, keeping within the context of the previous one, with the ultimate goal of writing an epic tale together (of dragons and stuff!)
You're not allowed to write a comment if the previous comment is yours:
if (comment.previous ().owner == you)
User : Hey , this interface seems quite nice
Me : Yeah, well I’m still working on it ; I still haven’t managed to workaround the data limit of the views so for the time limit I’ve set it to a couple of days
Few moments later
User : Why does it give me that it can’t connect to the data?
Me : what did you do ?
User : I tried viewing the last year of entries and compare it with this one
Few comas later
100476 errors generated
False cert authorization
DDOS on its way1
Init and Hello. My name is git and this is my story.
I just arrived in this system recently by the apt highway. It's not the only way though. Some for example used the npm hype-train, others arrived from the ssh shore. No matter where we came from the next step on our agenda was time to introduce our self at the event destined for all new-comers to the system.
"As many of you I reside in the usr-bin district. I'm really into history and commitment! I like it when people work together, so I'm always eager to bring all branches together."
"But what is it actually good for?", asked Curl, which I already met at the bus station. Many nodded in agreement. It was odd. Somehow I felt not quite at home. All the others seemed so different based on their field of work.
"We have worked here in a really agile environment for ages. There is no need for any kind of strange bureaucracy.", said another voice.
All attempts to convince them from the beauty of history or a little bit of management were unsuccessful. It was just the beginning of a not so interesting stage in my life - to say the least.
Today was another of 'those' days. I live in this community for quiet a while now and unfortunately nothing really changed - at least for the good. I sat on my branch of the tree with all the others around and there was nothing really to do for me. Again. I mean, actually it's true. I have to admit it. There is just no work on this world for someone like me. All the others seem to be so busy, while I just have to sit around and question my own existence. Since I grew tired asking these questions to myself, I stopped it. I can't do a thing actually. That's not how this world works.
"Hey fagit, anything meaningful to add to our delightful conversation?", nginx shouted over to me from another branch of the tree. Before I was able to give an indifferent answer the voice just continued.
"Oh, sorry. I forgot that you have no purpose after all. Well, never mind!"
Everyone started laughing at me. It was not too bad by the way. Actually, this was quite ordinary. These fucktards completely ran out of creativity. If it wasn't for that mere emptiness gaping right above my guts, I'd actually be disappointed. I even got accustomed to the alias 'fagit'. Quiet sad given the fact that i really like my real name. If only someone would mind using it... First too quiet to notice but growing in intensity a rumbling emerged from somewhere deep within the tree. Out of a sudden everyone stopped laughing. The voices slowly faded while the growling from afar grew louder. It had come. Not more than a shadow reached out from the tree and faster than anyone could comprehend nginx was simply gone. Killed in an instance.
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. No systems were harmed in its creation.4
Did a bunch more cowboy coding today as I call it (coding in vi on production). Gather 'round kiddies, uncle Logan's got a story fer ya…
First things first, disclaimer: I'm no sysadmin. I respect sysadmins and the work they do, but I'm the first to admit my strengths definitely lie more in writing programs rather than running servers.
I could rant for days about the various problems this codebase has, but today I have a very specific story to tell. A story about errors and logs.
And it all started when I noticed the disk space on our server was gradually decreasing.
So today I logged onto our API server (Ubuntu running Apache/PHP) and did a df -h to check the disk space, and was surprised to see that it had noticeably decreased since the last time I'd checked when everything was running smoothly. But seeing as this server does not store any persistent customer data (we have a separate db server) and purely hosts the stateless API, it should NOT be consuming disk space over time at all.
The only thing I could think of was the logs, but the logs were very quiet, just the odd benign message that was fully expected. Just to be sure I did an ls -Sh to check the size of the logs, and while some of them were a little big, nothing over a few megs. Nothing to account for gigabytes of disk space gradually disappearing.
What could it be? I wondered.
du . | sort --sort=numeric
What's this? 2671132 K in some log folder buried in the api source code? I cd into it and it turns out there are separate PHP log files in there, split up by customer, so that each customer of ours (we have 120) has their own respective error log! (Why??)
Armed with this newfound piece of (still rather unbelievable) evidence I perform a mad scramble to search the codebase for where this extra logging is happening and sure enough I find a custom PHP error handler that is capturing (most) errors and redirecting them to these individualized log files.
Conveniently enough, not ALL errors were being absorbed though, so I still knew the main error_log was working (and any time I explicitly error_logged it would go there, so I was none the wiser that this other error-catching was even happening).
Needless to say I removed the code as quickly as I found it, tail -f'd the error_log and to my dismay it was being absolutely flooded with syntax errors, runtime PHP exceptions, warnings galore, and all sorts of other things.
My jaw almost hit the floor. I've been with this company for 6 months and had no idea these errors were even happening!
The sad thing was how easy to fix all the errors ended up being. Most of them were "undefined index" errors that could have been completely avoided with a simple isset() check, but instead ended up throwing an exception, nullifying any code that came after it.
Anyway kids, the moral of the story is don't split up your log files. It makes absolutely no sense and can end up obscuring easily fixable bugs for half a year or more!
My recruitment story is a bit funny,
i had two interview, first one was to evaluate working style, behavior and ethics, where the interviewer and i spent almost 20 minutes discussing video games 😀.
second was technical, was interviewed by a lady dev manager and the team's technical lead "which i didn't know their roles at that time" went really good and at the end they asked:
Do you wanna ask us any questions?
Me: *leans back, with one arm on the chair arm and with a curious look and pointing one finger at both of them😕*
So what are you two?
them: *both had a shocked face and looked at each other for few seconds, manager chuckles😓😓* Well i am the team's dev manager and this guy is the team's technical lead, and in case you were wondering, we are not a couple.
technical lead: 😂😂😂
Me: 😨😨 no no that's not what i meant i swear.
Interview was over, i left the building thinking 😢😢 oh god, i totally blew it.
2 weeks later i get a phone call asking me to come and discuss contract terms 😂😂😂
sorry for the long story5
I was in class one time, chatting with a pal of mine. We had just started our Web development course so I was working on that while we talked.
A few rows behind me sat another classmate, struggeling with this project we were going to turn in The week after.
So our teacher comes by and asks us how's it going and the guy behind us starts throwing a tantrum (it didnt go Well for him).
- "I have no idéa what I'm supposed to do, or what I'm even doing!"
My teacher started out very empathetic and calm, explaining and helping him.
This guy got more and more frustrated to the point an hour later where he started to scream.
And then came the one and only time I've heard my teacher angry, it was exactly like The calm before a storm.
- "Do you know what 99% of all developers do when they get stuck?! They use fucking Google!! You have to learn how to fucking Google!!"
Non the less the dude calmed down and started to use google.2
A colleague's story...
"I named this branch after my girlfriend at the time, so that I could check her out at my will. I texted her about this, she was not amused..."2
My first ever post! So awesome to find out dev rant and cheer up my day as I go thru everyone's story/rant.
I was single the whole time while I'm at school. After graduated, I finally pick up the pace to date girls. So I signed up for a few online dating sites/apps. Every single time that I create a new profile for the app/site, I always get frustrated and confused about the language field. Especially when there's only selector or check box for languages selections.
Spent a couple hours writing a new feature yesterday, and finished it only to discover that somebody lazily wrote the global method that my feature was utilizing. Emailed them and told them that I completed the feature and asked them to fix the bad method. Figured that I wouldn't commit my code changes until he fixed his method. He proceeds to fix the method, and then completely redoes the feature I ALREADY TOLD HIM THAT I FINISHED. He removed me from the backlog story that I was assigned to and did the feature the exact same way I did. Motherfucker I already told you that it was done, you just needed to fix your lazy shitty global method. You did twice the work and wasted my time. If you wanted credit for your work, that's fine -- you could've created a new story to fix your method. Now I've wasted hours of my time writing a feature and then reverting the changes because you couldn't follow directions
Oh man. I have been waiting for this one. Gather round lil' chil'rens it's story time.
So. I was looking for a new project because my old one was wrapping up and that's what my company does. So I was offered some simulation type stuff. I was like "sure why not, I want to make a computer pretend it isn't a computer no more." Side note I should not be a psychiatrist.
So, prior to coming on to this job I felt stifled by my old job's process. This job was a smaller team so I thought the process would be a little smoother. But it turned out they had NO process. Like they had a bug tracking system and they held the meeting to add things to the system, but that was just fucking lip service to a process.
First of all, they used the local disk on the test box as their version control. and had no real scheme as to how they organized it. We had a CM tool but gods forbid they ever fucking use it. I would be handed problem reports and interface change requests, write a bug to track it, go into the code and about 75% of the time or more it had already been worked. However, there was no record of it being worked and I would have to fucking hunt that shit down in a terribly shitty baseline (standardize your gods damned indentation for fuck's sake) and half the time only found out it was done because when I finally located the piece of code that needed changing, the work was already done.
Then, on top of all that, they ask me what time I want to come in. I said 10am, they said okay. One day I roll in at 10 and my boss is mad. Because I missed a meeting. That was at 9. That I wasn't told about. He says I can keep coming in at 10am though (I asked and volunteered to help get him up to speed on the things I was working he said it wasn't necessary) so I did, but every time I missed a 9am meeting he would get pissed. I'm like PICK ONE!!! They move the meeting to 9:30am (which is not 10am).
This shit starts affecting my health negatively. Stress is apt to do that. It triggered an anxiety relapse that pushed me back in to therapy for the first time in 7 years. On top of that the air quality in the office is so bad that I am getting back to back sinus infections and I get put on heavy antibiotics that tear up my stomach along with the stress and new meds tearing up my stomach. So one day as I am laid out in pain, I call out sick. Two days in a row. (Such a heinous crime right.) Well I missed a test event, that I wasn't even the primary or secondary on.
So fast forward to the most pissed off I have ever been. I get called in to a meeting with my boss's boss. As it turns out, my coworkers are not satisfied by the work that I'm doing (funny because I thought I was doing pretty good given that my only direction was fix the interface change reports and problem reports. And there was no priority assigned to any of them).
And rather than tell me any of this, they go behind my back to the boss and boss's boss. They tell me I need to communicate (which I did) and ask for help when I need it (I never did). That I missed an important event (that I played no part in and gods forbid I be sick) and that it seemed like I didn't want to be there (I didn't but who WANTS to work a corporate job).
They put me on a performance improvement plan and I jumped to another project. I am much happier now. Old coworkers won't even say hi, not even those I was friendly with, but fuck them anyway.5
Do you have a dev (or informatic in general) nickname?
Oh, I love stories XD
When I was at university, my first boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) was the only one who knows Python (teachers used to teach Java and C#). He was pretty old, like 4 years older than all of us, and when the teacher introduced himself to the group the first day of the semester, "Python" asked
- "Teacher, do you use Python platform?"
I don't know why, but the rest of my classroom mates laughed. And from that day, my friends called him "Python".
The funny thing is that two weeks later he became my boyfriend ^_^ a friend of mine said "he wants to show you his python :o"
A semester after our broke-up, I was invited to teach Python at the university. I accepted. Now some teachers remember me as "Python girl".6
Coding is like having superpowers.
For instance: For school i have to read 8 books and I have limited time and motivation. What I did? I wrote a program that filters the text from a pdf or epub and converted it to spoken text with gtts (Google Text To Speech).
Now all I have to to is to listen to the story and relax..5
So a little story about finding your way. I worked at an IoT software firm, very well established. I had a hard time with the on boarding process due to some factors, and I must have lagged behind their mental schedule for my growth. It was clear nonetheless that I was a quality coder and had made some friends there.
It wasn’t enough for the ensuing corporate bullying. It went by and I took it. I became the yes man just so I don’t frustrate anyone enough to turn away my ask for help. This made things worse and before long, I a grown man went to visit my mum and all but cry at how small I felt, after all my hard work getting to the company.
I felt sick with failure but I knew I couldn’t go back. I emailed my resignation and dropped off my company laptop.
4 months later I am working at a medical startup with my own projects, that I have 100% control over. And the quality of my work and ethic is pleasing upper management in all the right ways. I’ve never been happier, and there are barely any perks on paper. No free lunches on Thursdays or discounts at the local high street. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because I said NO to feeling or being treated any less than I worked and progressed to be.
Don’t let other people stop your potential for their own ego, or any other reason. 😊
Why do simple errors take the longest to fucking find!
Was using the geolocation api (js) to get the current longitude and latitude of my location. Stored them in an object to use in a fetch(). Every time I ran the fetch it was giving me the wrong location!
1hr later I realized I had used.
After realizing this mistake and everything I that lead up to that moment I closed my MacBook and took my ass to sleep.
Moral of this story is...take fucking breaks.
Prestory and afterstory:
Today I have slept for around <2 hours and had to drive to my college.
The real shit happens right now.
During these almost 2 hours, I have dreamed about going back in time, but being limited on the same day's hours.
In other words... It was e.g. 16 o'clock and the time travelled back into the past. Like into a "0830 ish" morning. The day would then come to an end and start with the next day. For example from Monday to Tuesday.
I was able to look into the future whenever I wanted to.
Even though I was driving my car in the first gear, it would drive into the reverse direction.
Time suddently switches direction and everything is going as it should be. Greeting people in the streets as I would do normally.
And all of the sudden time decides to switch its direction again and I have to do things in reverse.
At some point I found something like a hidden room which had a door. I opened it and went into the "room" (it was a special place. It had no walls at all). It had a door at the other side of the room. I went through it and saw another one in the last room. It felt like, if I decide to go through that door, I would instantly die. I therefore moved all the doors back into the dream world.
Such a confusion gave me a fucking headache lol.
After waking up from such a fucking complicated dream, time irl felt fucking weird lmao.
My alarm began to do its job. It tried to wake me up at 6:30 am, at 6:45 am and at 6:50 am.
But all the time along it felt like it began to wake me up at 6:50 am down to 6:30 am.6
-- Once upon a time in a long forgotten country, a most wise wizard created a magic software that would replace all TODO comments in PHP files with actual code...
-- But dad, that's the wrong story. You wanted to tell the story of the WTF witch who makes all JS objects falsy.
Me -- Hm, okay mister, you got me. Let's see.
Me again -- Once upon a time in the far-off country of Whatthefuckia...
Man I'm so proud of my son.1
Am I the only one that devRant almost completely replaced Reddit for the "I'm currently waiting on something so I'm browsing" spot?
Since I've been on devRant, my time on Reddit and even HN diminished quite a lot!
Long story short, this place is amazing :P4
Long story shot,
I was the coder of a time machine and a bug took me 10 minute to the past. 10 minutes later I got to the same bug and got teleported again. This continued a while. I woke up later.4
Not much of a story but about 2 years ago, I had just got to the mall (at its opening time so many shops were still closed). While walking through to find a place to eat while my mother went grocery shopping, my phone started buzzing. Upon checking; it had hundreds of notifications and emails. Our production server was malfunctioning.
Not much that I had to do, but I ran around to find a computer store to use their model computers to see what was happening.
However, while the problem was fixed, I did notice how friendly Mac stores were as opposed to windows dealers that day. Windows dealers did not allow me to use the computers while the Mac store connected me to wifi and allowed me all the time needed to fix my issue. 👀
Hope you all are surviving well
Few changes here and there in my life and staying away from lots of things including DR. Not technically a rant but kinda a summary of my current life story.
- broke up with gf (to be precise, I dumped her because I don't wanna have a RS anymore). Pretty bad thing for her and she is still having a hard time accepting it.
- took a second job, part-time.
- trying to get few more part-time/consultant kind of jobs.
- step down from CEO/CTO position at my business and trying to focus just to be a better CTO.
- 80% of sale teams resigned or asked them to resign.
- found a new investor but no cash received yet.
- have to touch nodejs (at the part-time job).
- left side eyelid is twitching pretty frequently lately.
Not much. That's about it. Now let me check what the heck are you all up to lately.22
I got a ticket near the end of the day, asking to install a printer on a computer. The branch in question was in a different time zone (I'm in US-Pacific [GMT-07] and the computer was in US-Eastern [GMT-04]). I figured I wouldn't worry about it; after all, I had other tickets to work on that were much higher priority.
The next day I come into work and immediately get a message from one of my East Coast coworkers, telling me that this branch is calling and asking how the printer is coming. I told him to tell them I would call them a bit later. I do a couple of easy jobs and then begrudgingly call the branch. I listen to the phone tree that they have (which requires two button presses instead of one in order to speak with someone) and finally get in contact with a person... only to have the call disconnect.
I call back and ask for the person who called in the ticket and then followed up, who had apparently gone to lunch. I informed the person that I was just going to install the printer and it would be good to go. This would be fine... up until she mentioned she needed scanning functionality.
Now I wasn't sure if the driver we have in AD is set up with the scan functionality, so I said okay, but that meant I would have to get the driver from the website. The connection to our branches are about 1Mbps, so even downloading Java updates (60-ish MB) take about 5-10 minutes on a good day. The file for this printer was about 700MB (thanks HP). So I went and did other stuff while that downloaded.
I come back after it finished and started the install process. Right away it asks to re-seat the USB cable. So I call the branch. The call disconnects. I call again. It disconnects. I call one more time, and finally get the person who called the ticket in. I instruct him to re-seat the cable. He does. The driver starts doing its thing. I tell him I'll call back if I run into any issues and we hang up.
The driver goes through the install process for about 20 minutes, stops at 99%, then fails. I want to restart the computer, just in case there's a conflict somewhere, but that would require calling the store again, so I put it off.
About an hour later I get a message from another East Coast coworker, telling me the branch is calling about the printer again. I was in the middle of another call and said I would call back later. I do. It disconnects. I call again, and get the person who called the ticket in again. I tell him I want to restart the computer, but wasn't sure if it was okay. He checks with the people using it, who says it's okay, so I reboot. I hang up.
Once the computer comes back up I start the install process again. It asks to re-seat the cable. Fuck. I don't want to call the store again, so I open notepad and say "Please take out the printer's USB connection from the back of the computer."
Three. Fucking. People. Saw it. They moved the window and one even tried to close it, but they didn't re-seat the cable. I opened another window, telling them to call me at my number. They didn't. I called them. Got disconnected. I called them again, finally got someone, told them to re-seat the printer cable again. They do, thank god.
I say thank you and hang up. Continue the installer. It stops at 99% again and fails. I reboot the computer; screw it, I'm just going to install the driver from Active Directory. Check Devices and Printers. It's installed successfully. Hallelujah!
I get the printer set up for the various programs they use and print a test page. I call them one last time; their phone system sounding like they were connected via an underwater line connected by tin cans. I get someone.
$me: Hi, I want to know if the printer has printed something.
$them (garbled): -et me shee... yesh, it -rint-d a *beezelborp*.
$me: Perfect, I'm going to close this ticket! Thanks, goodbye! *hangs up*
tl;dr - I hate printers
Why you should always backup.
Nearly a year ago I developed a whole project (iOS, tvOS, watchOS), but I never backed it up because I had a recent machine and thought the chance that something happens to the disk is so small I didn’t backup. But then my mac didn’t start correctly. So I needed to reset it. Lose the project, some other files but not much else. Then I recoded the project and backed it up on multiple places. But a little later, I was writing another app, again didn’t copy again... This time I deleted the wrong folder and deleted the trash, was gone too. So from then I learned to copy everything I coded. All projects I work on, I keep a copy of on an external disk, GitHub and Bitbucket. Assuming they wont crash all at the same time 😉.
So I recommend everyone to backup all your code. Even if it’s only 500 lines. Losing it is hard...3
I have one experience where a guy reached out to me on LinkedIn for an excellent opportunity, so I assumed it would have to do something with an upcoming startup and the guy is looking to onboard me if things go right.
The guy was from a tech and managerial background as shown on his profile. So 5 minutes into our skype call and he says:
He : "Before I detail you this excellent opportunity for passive income, tell me why I should work with you? "
Me : Is this some sort of pyramid scheme?
He : Not exactly but similar..
Me: No, I would not like to be scammed, Thank you for your time.
< Disconnect >
And that was the first and last time I responded to a message that talked vague opportunity bs.
Well, everytime I build a pc for a friend I'll always end up telling myself "this is the last time". Not bc I have a problem with building pc's, I love it, but its the "free of charge" 24/7 IT-support my non techy (techii?) friends expects from me after the build is done I hate.
So here's the deal.
A week ago I built a brand new pc for a friend, as usual (bc he's a good friend) I told him that my "fee" would be a couple of beers and the train ticket up. So I got there, built the pc and we hooked it up to his monitor. About 5sec in to windows the screen went black. My friend started to panic, and I started to check if all the components and cables were hooked up right (tho I've done this a couple of times, shit can happen) but found nothing was wrong.
I had to take the train home, cause it got late AF and I live in another city, but I told him to try another cable. Felt bad AF for not being able to help him.
Flash forward 2 days, my friend started messaging me late in the evening, complaining about how he had tried everything and ultimately had to leave the pc at an (as he called it) "proffesional" who charged him 100$.
I felt even guiltier about that one, asked him if he tried to change the hdmi, but he said that's in The hands of this guy now.
Two days later this PC God gave him an answer.
Guess What he told him?
CHANGE THE ***** HDMI CABLE.
Afterwards he wanted help installing drivers over fb-messenger.
I love my friends, but man why do I do this to myself.3
You need to stop that person from being born. I'm forwarding the details now.
-- Future you”3
TLDR: Ask irritating questions, you could end up saving the company money and time...
I’m working on a project where we are integrating 2 legacy web applications with each other.
Business Analyst/Project manager (BA) : Save all the contact details of the selected firm in application A into the database of application B, then expose that data later so that we can output it into the document when the user generates them.
Me: Seems a bit excessive, there’s even a fax number, nobody uses that anymore, are you sure we need all that?
BA: The old document has all that information.
Me: Please just check with client that witch fields are still needed in the document.
BA: Ok, fine, but it’s probably a waste of time…
BA: * Talks with client on phone for 10 minz *
BA: Ok client stays we only need the Lodgement Number on the document.
Me: We already store that and populate it in the document.
BA: I had budgeted 2 days labour for all that, you just saved us a lot of money!
I've been thinking about how to answer this for a while, but I'll approach it from a different angle. The time I (nearly) lost faith in my dev future wasn't because of a technology, bad programming language or an external influence. It was *me*.
The first job I had after the PhD, I was (in the first couple of weeks) tasked with updating various packages on a live Redhat server. "No problem", I thought, "I've done this before many a time on Debian, easy as pie!"
Long story short, I ended up practically bricking the server because I mistyped and uninstalled something I shouldn't have, didn't understand a piece of configuration, then tried to bodge it back and cocked things up further. Couldn't even log in via SSH, the hosting company had to be called, a serial connection set up, etc.
To say I was mortified, embarrassed and had my pride dented would be a massive understatement. I seriously thought I'd get fired on the spot, and that I should perhaps change careers to something where I couldn't cock things up as much.
...but you can't think like that, otherwise the world leaves you behind. So I picked myself up, apologised profusely, took some relevant training, double checked everything I was doing on that server in future and got back to work. After a few months of "proving myself", it was then seen as nothing more than a rather amusing story, and I became a senior dev there a couple of years later.1
A delicious Sprint Planning 😋
It was a hard sprint (SCRUM methodology), but finally we were on our next’s sprint planning meeting. We had a lot of tasks to define and estimate. For the first one, we all estimated the task with 5 points, and for the second one we voted for 3 points. We were coordinated XD so, our boss said “let’s do something, if all of you vote, let’s say, 5, and another votes for a different number, he or she’s gonna buy us a six pack of beer”. Challenge accepted.
Two partners and I have to buy beers for this friday after work 😂 I don’t even mad 😋🍻3
So here's a story..
Whenever we have a job announcement, whether tech or dev, there's this one guy who applies every single time and never gets selected. I have interviewed him once and learnt that he doesn't in fact have the skills or experience we're looking for. Also someone else with better experience applies everytime. He's been doing this for more than 3 years now.
Now WE feel embarrassed everytime he comes in for interview.
You can't blame him for wanting to work so much with one of the best teams in our tiny country. I gotta say I really admire his perseverance and I think and hope that he's gonna find what he's looking for with that kinda perseverance.2
Worst issue you got blamed for, but wasn't your fault.
Best story about a dev you know who's angrier than you.
Best time backups saved your ass.
Story about a traumatic dev experience.1
I'm on my first free lance project, and devRant asks me for my horror story. -_-
Well, I undersold myself and gave such a stupid time estimation. Fortunately, the client was smarter, and he wants just half the work in same time period and will still gave me the same amount xD1
My very first wow, was back in 2011 as a freshman at university, algorithm classes. Our first language was Pascal, (because it was easy to learn and get to the idea of programming.) so, lecturer wrote Hello World! and that moment was the best part, when I realized that was called a program. After all these years I still remember this output. ❤️ awesome.
After this, its injected in my veins and soul. Even when I come home drunk or coming from the friends, I open my macbook and trying to write some cool , nerdy staff.
Its my life, my passion, my hobby. I dropped everything for this. ^^
Long story short, every time I feel amazing when I do something new and interesting.
I moved from React Dev to fullstack like halve a year ago. Three months ago I became project lead and now I will start to become a team lead.
Holy shit I'm growing fast2
It was still unacceptable but come on, reduced time to 25% of original
Sat down with the Project Management team today to discuss a signage installation. This is how the conversation went...
Me: Right, so we need to get the hardware on-site asap so we can get this configured before it goes over to the production guys to have the facisa installed.
Them: That's fine we have plenty of time. Stop rushing things.
Me: Okay, so do we have the story board in place ready for development?
Them: Nope. Hasn't been done by the designer yet because he is in a bad mood.
Me: Okay so when does the client want this?
Them: 3 Weeks' time
Me: But it is atleast a week of dev time?
Them: Sure. But you can work late if needed...right?
This is a typical conversation between them and me. I'm the sole developer here. So done with today.12
Anyone else have trouble with real life common sense?
Yesterday Evening a dog chased my best mate's cat up a tree. Being the genius I am, I decided to climb after the adorable bugger. Fell from about 8-10ft onto concrete slabs on my back.
Main thing first: I got lucky, CTs and X-rays showed no lasting damage. I'm back home and safe now.
What got me was going through the hospital having to hear the story of how I fell out of a tree onto my back and head like an idiot... from medical person to medical person.
I was lying in the bed, thinking "I swear I'm competent!? Why do people trust me!?"
Does anyone else have any weird skill black spots, or common sense break downs?7
I dont think i have a bad data loss story...
But there was this one time where I had months of files built up in my bin, which I decided I wanted to get rid of entirely.
I may have hit the Restore All Files button instead of the Remove All Files 😭1
First time going to college was my first time commiting for real becoming a dev. But with my close minded brain. I believe i only want to became a backend. So here is my story of me getting mad to monitor.
First year i got 24" Monitor. "Shit this is so unproductive, a need a new workspace to place my debugger".
Got another 24" Monitor. "ahh better" -- later on got a Web Developing Class. "Fuck i need moar workspace, i need to see a live reload and a debugger !"
Got a 27" Monitor. "FUCK, there is no way to plug this monitor"
Got No-Brainer-Fast-Bought 1060 3GB. "Finally !". Hmm "this one bigger monitor seems odd, i need to change this to become even"
Got another 2x27" Instead of 1x24" To replace 27". "Why the hell am i wasting money?".
...Maybe gamble poker when working is nice...
Got another 27".12
Worked in a company that had a lot of problems reusing code / UI across many similar iOS apps. Current devs were basically trying to build this: https://jasonette.com/ (after other multiple failed ideas).
I argued for weeks after joining that this is way too much, with better use of storyboards and autolayout we can fix the majority of our problems. They did everything short of laughing.
Few months later managers in my office were tired of them so gave me a chance, I build an app my way, the most senior of them build an app their way.
Long story short, my app was a bit more complex, both had the same amount of time. I finished 2 days before the deadline, he went 8 weeks over.
Never felt more vindicated in my life. Mysteriously he and another dev randomly "decided to leave" 2 - 3 weeks later.
The story of how I got my new job (I will start in december) even though it is not a dev related one:
I was about to reduce my work hours, because my wife was getting a really good job. We couldn't both work full-time, because our son is in kindergarten. Then she broke her ankle and the job was gone. Right at this point I was offered a job at a friends company. I knew him by being an intern in his company.
Things always go well in the end.1
Issue or Error? Rant story time!
I was working on a windows desktop app, and everything was ok, you know, tests completed succesfully, all in time, etc. The problem was when we showed the demo to one of our clients. He saw several screens and we explained all the features to him.
Client: *Sees a Error pop-up indicating that a remote service is temporarly unavailable (what it has to happen in order to show him how the system would warn him when an external service is out of service)
Client: What’s that?
Lead dev: What do you mean?
Client: Yes. That’s an error pop-up
Lead dev: Yes, it’s a message that tells you that there was an issue connecting to the bank service
C: No, no and no. Please change it
L: Why? Don’t you want the system to tell you when there is a connection issue and why is that happening?
C: Yes, but my employees could lost their minds because of this class of messages!
C: You have to change it
L: Ok. What do you want to change?
C: First of all, don’t put an “Error” icon, put an “Warning” icon, and instead of “Error” title, put... “Issue”
C: Yeah. Don’t put the “E” word, if the users see an “Error” message, they could think that the program doesn’t work, even if it does work.
We all though “WTF?!”
To make the story shorter, we changed all the pop-ups. That took two days.
Is that correct? I know that “Error” sounds hard but, seriously? “Issue: The remote service is not available, contact your bank?”6
I have been burnt out for over a year and a half now combined with mental health issues.
I was working an underpaying job, doing senior-dev work for a less than junior-dev pay, with an incompetent understaffed team. The work was so mundane and most of the clients were stupid. I hated work, my colleagues, and most of all I hated programming.
I finally quit the job and quit programming as well. I couldn't touch or see a terminal window without panicking. I've been spending my time binge watching series and movies.
Recently though, I've started picking up coding again. I've been blogging and doing some changes to my blog beside other light stuff.
This is the story of my first burnout and it's taken its toll on me. I hope it's the last one but who knows.3
Sometimes your music app knows just the right song to play.
Production program was working (has been for a long time). But suddenly it starts failing. I spent a long ass time trying to see what went wrong.
Security update on the server 🙃
Now I've got the client, his minions, and the users emailing me to fix this. But I didn't start this fire!
Song: We didn't start the fire, by Billy Joel
I hate it when people ask me questions that are easily googleable. I'm sorry but, please, don't waste both of our time on asking things like how to make a screenshot on an iPhone...
1. I have an android
2. Hey, you know this magical thing called Google?
3. You do know it? Oh my, good for you! Now try using it, thnx.
Unfortunately, I can never say this out loud. I just silently Google for them and send them a link. Perhaps, I need to grow some balls :D
Okay, never mind, said it once in a more polite form, and the dude replied with "fuck you, you female developers are such arrogant bitches", then he unmatched me. Good story, fun times.5
It's important to redo old projects and ideas, here is why:
I worked on a project about 6 months ago, it was mostly just a "coding challenge" and I worked on the project for 3 days and I didn't get it to work. But I started working on the project again from scratch 2 days ago and I got it to work this time!
The moral of this story:
Just making new projects makes it hard to see how much you've grown and improved. But redoing old projects (even if they worked) gives you a concrete representation on how much you've improved (and if you have at all😉)4
Forgot to change code in my api for rate limiting, after development. No unit tests.. because who really needs that right? 🤦♂️🙅♂️🤷♂️lolololol
Long story short, API went to production eventually, and stopped working almost immediately. Rate limiting was set for 2000 requests in a 1 hour time period. Not my finest moment.. fml 🤦♂️
My daily life with Eclipse. Story #0:
Me: browsing SVN repo with Eclipse (double fail, I know)
Me: waiting for ages
Me: killing eclipse
Repeated the process several times. Solution:
Me: browsing SVN repo with Eclipse (double fail, I know)
Me: hover over another view
Eclipse: isn't frozen anymore
Thanks for wasting my time ...
Goodbye Java I will not miss you at all! I swear ...
I do like it when making web services (especially that I can use Java8) but for Android you have been a torture. Hello sweet Kotlin! I shall embrace you and treat you like my newly born baby!!
Working on a new project where I need to talk to a web service (also made by me).
Started writing in Java, all is cool and unit tests pass.
Downloaded Android Studio 3 Beta 1 and converted my Java code to Kotlin, That AsyncTask did not look nice in kotlin, converted it to async & await feature and I must admit lots of code removed, no more need to create a new fucking AsyncTask every time the app sneezes for data!
I feel like I'm working with C# but with difference in syntax.
My life is now complete :)8
BielyApp, yeah, GOOOOOOOOD IDEA! I still can‘t understand how this works or why did a reasonable human being though that this would be a great idea! 🤔
Ok. There‘s a community that lives 4 or 5 hours from my my city. I don‘t want to offend anybody, so let‘s call them “Bielys” (just a random name, I don’t know if there’s actually a group or etnia with that name).
Bielys live isolated from modernity, they speak their own language and they don’t use technology.
A dev friend of mine was having a hard time (he got divorced and was almost in bankrupt). One day, a man asked him and another dev to work on a mobile app:
It was supposed to be a movile app for commerce. Bielys could sell and buy biely stuff from another bielys. Well, at this point you can figure out why this was a bad idea. Anyway, they developed it. Even it’s on GooglePlay and AppStore 😱 I installed it to see if it was truth or not. Incredibly it was true. BielyApp exists and the worst thing is that you can log in with your facebook account. WTF?!
I asked to him “But why?! WHY?! They don’t even use smartphones!!!!”
And he answered “I know, but I needed the money”1
happened a couple of months ago. I was drawing some diagrams on the board -- planning new infra for the app. While explaining all this to the analyst I needed some random number. It was smth like 1470285206. Half an hour later I need another random number. And I again come up with the same exact sequence....
It was both funny and spooky at the same time. Apparently my biological RNG is utterly broken.. Either that or my subconsciousness wants to tell me something about an early morning of 2016 Aug 4.1
I had a friendly argument with a person over comparing visual studio with Xcode,the first thing that came into my mind when he said visual studio was visual studio code (keep in mind visual studio and visual studio code are completely different visual studio is an ide while visual studio code is a code editor )
I was arguing that there’s no point comparing an ide specifically made for iOS app dev with a code editor with intellisense with better code predictions as it would have made more sense if he was comparing a code editor with another code editor like atom or sublime.
This argument went on for a couple of mins in a group chat
Later on I found out he was talking about visual studio and not visual studio code which actually is an ide used for app dev.
This whole time I thought he was talking about vs code and he thought I was talking about visual studio 😂
I ended up agreeing it was my mistake for not getting the message in the first place 😂3
Next week I'm starting a new job and I kinda wanted to give you guys an insight into my dev career over the last four years. Hopefully it can give some people some insight into how a career can grow unexpectedly.
While I was finishing up my studies (AI) I decided to talk to one of these recruiters and see what kind of jobs I could get as soon as I would be done. The recruiter immediately found this job with a Java consultancy company that also had a training aspect on the side (four hours of training a week).
In this job I learned a lot about many things. I learned about Spring framework, clean code, cloud deployment, build pipelines, Microservices, message brokers and lots more.
As this was a consultancy company, I was placed at different companies. During my time here I worked on two different projects.
The first was a Microservices project about road traffic data. The company was a mess, and I learned a lot about company politics. I think I never saw anything I built really released in my 16 months there.
I also had to drive 200km every day for this job, which just killed me. And after far too long I was finally moved to the second company, which was much closer.
The second company was a fintech startup funded by a bank. Everything was so much better than the traffic company. There was a very structured release schedule, with a pretty okay scrum implementation. Every team had their own development environment on aws which worked amazingly. I had a lot of fun at this job, with many cool colleagues. And all the smart people around me taught me even more about everything related to working in software engineering.
I quit my job at the consultancy company, and with that at the fintech place, because I got an opportunity I couldn't refuse. My brother was working for Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wallstreet, and he said they needed a developer to build a learning platform. So I packed my bags and flew to LA.
The office was just a villa on the beach, next to Jordan's house. The company was quite small and there were actually no real developers. There was a guy who claimed to be the cto of the company, but he actually only knew how to do WordPress and no one had named him cto, which was very interesting.
So I sat down with Jordan and we talked about the platform he wanted to build. I explained how the things he wanted would eventually not be able with WordPress and we needed to really start building software and become a software development company. He agreed and I was set to designing a first iteration of the platform.
Before I knew it I was building the platform part by part, adding features everywhere, setting up analytics, setting up payment flows, monitoring, connecting to Salesforce, setting up build pipelines and setting up the whole aws environment. I had to do everything from frontend to the backest of backends. Luckily I could grow my team a tiny bit after a while, until we were with four. But the other three were still very junior, so I also got the task of training them next to developing.
Still I learned a lot and there's so much more to tell about my time at this company, but let's move forward a bit.
Eventually I had to go back to the Netherlands because of reasons. I still worked a bit for them from over here, but the fun of it was gone without my colleagues around me, so I quit last September.
I noticed I was all burned out, had worked far too much, so I decided to take a few months off and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I even wondered whether I wanted to stay in programming.
Fast forward to last few weeks. I figured out I actually did want to work in software still, but now I would focus on getting the right working circumstances. No more driving 3 hours every day, no more working 12 hours every day. Just work close to home and find a company with the right values.
So I started sending out resumes and I gave one recruiter the chance to arrange some interviews too. I spoke to 7 companies in the span of one week. And they were all very interested. Eventually I narrowed it down to 2 companies and asked them for offers. And the company that actually had my preference offered me significantly more than I asked for, which settled the deal.
So tomorrow I'm officially signing with them, and starting next week I'll be developing in Kotlin, diving into functional programming and running our code in serverless environments. I'm very excited!
Adventures with house IT
I'm currently experimenting with PowerShell but my scripts won't run even though I've got every local permission. The error message indicates it's a GPO problem.
"No problem" le me thinks and calls IT hotline.
After 2 incompetent and unprofessional technicians i've still got no solution. I'm waiting for the second tech to call back because he "needed some time to get to know PowerShell" (he is a trained and certified SysAdmin).
During my call he couldn't decide if it was a GPO problem or not.
And this is just one story of their incompetence...9
Well, today was a fun day playing with Qubes OS. I really did nothing really difficult, I created a template for multimedia pruposes (Netflix, Amazon Prime, Spotify and VLC) based on debian and then create a domain based on that same template.
Still need to fix the screen tearing, but it is nothing really serious, in fact I probably just change the graphic card to the integrated on the motherboard to see if something change.
Probably the next issue will be set a few domains for specific issues:
- Dev [personal]: This will be used for my personal projects.
- Dev [non personal]: For those times I collab with someone / not my stuff
- [√] Work: mail, msTeams, whatever from my job.
- Bank Stuff: I can asure you that
- [√] Multimedia: chill n stuff
and thats all for now.
PD: Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V Will be a nightmare xD6
Today I heard a story from my workplace about a clinic that uses our software.
They received a virus that causes the computers on this clinic to bork because the owner clicked a link in an email with a fake postal message.
Right after we had restored them...
Then he wanted to see if it would happen again if he clicked the link...
Thought that would have taught them.
But it happened a 3rd time in the same week.1
I was just removing empty folders from my MOTO X (Devs sometimes get time to kill).
Saw an empty folder "/storage/emulated/0/"
~Everything has gone from my gallery, music and I felt like sinking~
Sometimes I think, it is good not being an Android Developer...(Unfortunately I'am)
The positive part of the story:
>>fastboot OEM unlock
I rooted my phone and did too many crazy things I could do with a rooted phone.3
Little story, about how i get things fucked up.
I've been working for two nights on some project, and we have notifications in slack about new commits, and i've been working for myself, not pulling any commits for this time, cause no notifications 've been received, and then when i've tried to commit&push i've realized that there is 14 commits before me, and someone just accidentally turned off notifications :C1
sub teacher came in for today’s class. we’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes now because windows decided it was a fine morning for system updates and it’s only at about 13%. how’s your thursday morning been?2
Just remembered an old dad story:
Around 30 years ago I started a game on my Commodore 64, I was about 15 at the time, and back then you had to load the games from cassette tapes.
So I started the cassette player and waited for the game to load, and when it was done I stopped the tape. My dad saw this and he asked :
- "Why did you stop the tape if you want to play the game?"
And I guess it is kind of natural for someone who used cassette tapes for listening to music, to say that :-) Still I laughed at my dad...3
Here is a fun "campfire" horror story you can tell your grandchildren while you wait for the Martian sand storm to lift:
The year was 2018 and Timmy, as the majority of the Earth's population, owned a smartphone. Proud of it little Timmy was, as it was quite an expensive device.
One day, unbeknownst to him, great sorrow would grip his trusted companion through the form of a notification. Written within was a message announcing a software update that, to Timmy's belief, would improve his almighty device.
Alas, it was not so, and as he was getting ready to experience the improvements that the new software brought, he received a message...containing many characters, some less interesting than others, but ONE of them would bring forth great suffering.
As soon as Timmy opened the the message, the screen turned white and with it, Timmy as well turned pale, almost to the point of being whiter than the screen.
He struggled to comprehend, quickly trying with all his might all sorts of trouble shooting techniques. Techniques he heard by word of mouth but never thought would ever be necessary. But alas, it was too late, the damage done, for iMessage never opened again... THE END.
Based on a true story.
PS: in solemn memory of Timmy's iPhone5
We are all alike as devs, just surrounded by the people who has an idea of "new facebook", but i like how their mind works and how they long for a change, so it does not annoy me that much. I just simply explain how it is not likely to happen, without decent marketing and innovation.
However, yesterday i went to my dad's workplace, because i was bored. He has lots of friends there, and i happen to meet one. When he heard me that i am a software engineer, he told me that he has an idea.
I prepared my words to explain why it is not possible, but when i heard what it is, i was ashamed of myself.
He sells and manages car tires. He wants a simple showroom website to show what tires he has,( not stock-wise. Price, size, type, brand etc. ) and he wants to update them himself.
I swallowed my words and told him that i could do it. Normally i don't make websites, i provide utilities and APIS to make the front-end devs job easier at my work. But i will turn his idea into reality.
He said that he hired someone else for that years ago, but the one he hired made the website in ASP.NET 2.0, so making one from scratch would take much less time.
No way i would touch that mess came from the seventh layer of hell itself, to torment developers endlessly.
Just a simple front-end seasoned with bulma and pure JS, node to communicate with the DB ( maybe golang for fun ? ) and a simple admin panel for him would do the trick. I am excited !3
Me: Professor could you please see my code i have a doubt about it.
Professor: Wait a second.
In the mean time my HP laptop that was from 2006, and this story happen 2 years ago, overheated and shutdown. Remember that i was coding in it.
Professor: Ok let's see the code.
Me: I can't show the code now since my pc overheated and shutdown, and now i have to wait him to cooldown to turn it off.
Professor: Your laptop remember when i was a kid and we had thoose old TV where we had to wait for it to heat before we could see any image.
Well thanks HP for your old laptops that heated more than my hoven.4
Fake sticker story time. It is fucking on fire. Then I press npm install twice. Forgot node modules in gitignore. Then got push to production served by Jenkins. Now get the fuck out of here.1
!rant !dev Still funny office story
This happened last november. I decorated my desk for halloween (plastic bats, vampire stickers, more bats, a plastic raven, a little skeleton, etc). I also put a photo of Chris Pohl (vocalist from Blutengel, a electro-goth band).
I decided to remove all the decorations except for the raven and the Chris Pohl‘s photo.
One day, a partner and I were cheking out the code, and she suddenly saw that photo.
She: Oh, who is he? is he your boss?
S: Yes, is he your direct boss?
M: No, you‘re my boss
S: No, no, is he the vampire who you report your activities with?
M: Oh! XD No, it‘s Chris Pohl, Blutengel‘s vocalist
S: Mmm... he‘s pretty weird... his eyes...
and then, she got back to her desk.
That‘s it, continue reading rant stories 😅
P.D. What‘s the weirdest thing you have on your desk? 🤔9
Anyone that ever experienced that a personal/hobby project (side to work/school) became successful?
How successful? Did it beco.e your main job?
Was it mostly luck or a lot of hard work?
Curious to hear peoples stories and how common it is.13
My family keeps telling me the same old story over and over again about me when I was 3 years old, holding a Gameboy in my hands, cheering each time Mario died (due to the failure theme I'd guess, didn't have any other sadistic tendencies though). Over the years my gaming ambitions became a little more purposeful. ;)
However it's not surprising that I started thinking about how games are developed and how I can start my own.
So when I was around 14 I went to the local library and borrowed the first game development book striking my eye.. unfortunately it was about Delphi. But hey, I was young and naive.
Surprisingly, I didn't surrender back then.. but to be honest, I do not recall one line of Delphi. :D
Well, today I felt like the witch from the sleeping hollow movie.
I was working on a code that logins to a page and download files to a folder, according to the user.
Well, I tried to use the webservices from the page (like it should be) but the links were broken, and I lost a entire working day on trying the API 😮
The second day I tried with Selenium. Everything was going ok, but I wanted to run it without opening the browser and I found a “Headless Chrome”. At the end of the day, I found several blogs saying that Headless Chrome can’t download files 😱 second working day lost
Today I read about “PhantomJS”. I tried the code in C# with OpenQA.Selenium.PhantomJS BUUUUUUT it was missing 😡 I also tried with Python, but I had the same problem.
Finally, I found a blog with a solution for C# with Headless Chrome 😄4
- Favourite pastime while waiting for your code to compile
- Most heroic/ingenuous bug fix
- Hardest to track down bug
- Worst legacy code you wrote and left behind leaving a job
- Weirdest project
- Last side project you actually finished
- Explain your job like I'm five/the way you do it for non-tech people
- That time your past self (almost) got you in trouble
- Software pet peeves
- Story about how you freaked someone out
- Feature that most certainly was a bug once
- Post something for your favourite previous weekly tag!
Funny story: Me and my dev friend once had a hard time setting up a PS3 controller even though we were two CS majors24
Not a rant, just another story about me and the man I'm gonna wife.
We both have an upcoming job interview, and I was just talking about how at our previous internship I was using python to automate some tedious tasks for me.
Me: it's like a general thing, right, to just automate things you don't really want to do
Me: like breathing, and waking up, ya know? I don't wanna do that shit
Him: it kind of already is automated.
Me: *three years of wasted time at med school come tumbling back in to my brain, suddenly recalling the brainstem*
Me: oh, yeah.1
I'm often asked if I enjoyed my time in college. Of course I did. Loved learning how to code, and had a great rapport with the lecturers. I remember our conversations fondly:
Me: Funny story, over the weekend I was out with friends an...
Lecturer: You have friends?
A small Xcode story
I once built a very complex iOS app (with a lot of views) in Xcode and then there was a problem leading to crash in some devices which was reported to Apple in 2013 and still there is no answer from them. I had to rewrite the app. Unfortunately I had used Interface Builder (with Storyboards) in that app and so I created each view again, set all the constraints and connected them to the controllers which took me a lot of time also having other projects at the same timespan, only because of a simple and known bug in Xcode which has not been fixed since 2013. Since then, I try to prevent using Interface Builder again.
What a shitty piece of software 😡2
That frustrating moment when you ask a Yes/No question and you get a full warstory and a conclusion to that story that doesn't answer the question and leaving you wondering why instead.
I just asked permission if I should implement this new feature on Dev/Test environment. Not gonna ask again next time.
I may or may not have wasted around 8 hours today on X-Men instead of doing a huge school assignment. Having watched the original trilogy for the first time (as far as I remember), I understand the story a bit better, but it didn't help my understanding of GUI in Java.3
Story time... (Not long though)
My current employment status is quite strange. Basically I'm a freelancer. My former boss asked me to throw a half paid job and include three days worth of work for free just because it would be convenient.
When I told him no way - he was very uppset and offended and told me how disappointed he was.
Lesson learned: If you work for free and offer to "help" someone out, it will mostly lead to more queries for free of charge gigs. Don't do it like I did. Fuck that shit, thanks for appreciating my effort.1
So. This job gets alot more interresting by the day.
The clients at this place use a software to monitor machines on a Day to day basis. We've gotten tons of complaints about the software from clients thats on Win10, that its a buggy mess.
Nothing we can do about it, its 3:rd party.
Software is currently on version 14.0, and is non complient with win7, if not being ran on v13.
I've talked to the devs and told them to fix it, since its such a huge issue, but they don't know whats causing it and holding out for v15.
So for users who can't stand the buggyness of v14 on win10 we have to recomend downgrading to win7 and running this garbage software on v13.3
Story of coding affecting my dating?
Well whenever I start a new language, I always find myself having difficulties with time and date structure-
Wait, that's not the subject? ... oh the other kind of "date". Well, not finding difficulties for something I'm not looking forward to lol
Logging work in Jira, because it goes against the whole ethos of trusting people to get the work done when they have to log exactly how much time they spent on each individual story. It also doesnt account for pair programming. so 2 people log the same time and it looks like the story took twice as long. I’ll stop now because I’m precariously close to opening the “time based estimates” can of worms and thats for another rant.4
True story: after waiting a week for a recruiter to get back to me, he calls for an intake evaluation at 8:45 on Monday morning. I happen to have taken my mom to the emergency room at 6am. (she's fine, btw)
Him: So, do you have a few minutes or is this a bad time?2
Sitting here while I wait for my shit to compile. Decided to watch a video while it runs.
I'm using an on CrapBook Pro from 2013 (company issued). And it decided it cannot compile and play a video at the same time.
So here I am watching a fucking slideshow while the poor old CPU dies of strain.
Moral of the story: buy more cores1
N'other story of my completely idiotic classmates: So the teacher was gone for some time and has left us soldering. And I end up having to go to the other classroom where the other half of the soldering stations are. And I had to take my glasses off cause of what I saw! SOME DUDE WAS PUTTING SOLDER INTO THE HOT AIR STATION! RIGHT INTO THE NOZZLE! His reason as to why?!
IT mAKeS nIcE LittLE sMoKE pUfFs wHEn He tURnS tHe AiR oN.
God I wanted to shove a soldering iron down his throat for such an act of pure stupidity!1
My CS grade came in today and I'm sad because even at my best I could not get through it. Even with all the time I spent in and out of class, and those sleepless nights spent programming into the morning. All this effort and I still couldn't pass this class. My final killed me, and i'm upset because I know this exam doesn't represent all that I can do. It worries me because I feel like I will be told by employers that I'm not qualified because of a number. The number isn't everything, there's a story to every number.8
I'm late for a meeting. It's between client, coworker and me. It's different from a normal meetings. So I ask my friend something along the lines of "How to connect to a 3 person call."
His reply: "Did you really just ask me how to connect to a 3 way."
I guess there's always time for one of those jokes -_-
we are organizer of really big trade fair and wanted to place a new product. It was a landing page for exhibitors especially for the fair, the exhibitor would get a subdomain with his company name. This landingpage had some highly requested features such as a calender for scheduling meetings, some floorplan features and other stuff... long story short: not a single exhibitor booked it. it was just trash and huge waste of time. dont get me wrong, this was actually a really great idea but the endproduct just sucked... now 4 resignations later we may start a new try :D
wish i would be a more passionsted ranter/writer... i have a ton load of such things i could rant about... but most of the time i get my consolation by reading your rants here.
obligatory: fuck, shit, cunt
When I was in school I was in a vocational school and my program was a Computer Service and Networking class and that’s what it taught it’s pretty self explanatory. BUT we also did some programming.
I was the only one interested in programming really considering everyone else loved the hardware. But when they would ask for help it was awful.
The book we used didn’t format the python properly on the page so you can’t really tell if there’s an indent if you dont know python well (they didn’t) which is okay.
But what isn’t okay is asking me for help and SENDING ME A FUCKING VIDEO OF THE COde LIKE FUCKING WHAT THE HELL MAN THAT SHIT ISNT EVEN READABLE AND YOUR HAND IS SHAKING LIKE YOURE HAVING A STROKE AT LEAST SEND ME THE CODE OR WORST CASE A PICTURE.
This happened more than once. 😤6
Almost everyone here has shared a story about their boss whether bad or good at some point in their time on devRant. Here's mine.
I started out in my current company around mid third year in college. I have been doing freelance for about six years which is why I think my boss hired me.
I couldn't be more thankful for these last 10 months in this company, every experience has been epic. Since my boss knows my future plans and how I hope to build my own company some day, my boss has been mentoring me ever since I've knew him.
Last week he even offered to take me along with him and certain other members of our team to the US to meet with a client of ours. (I have nothing to do with the client, he just offered the trip for the heck of it.)
I can't wait to see where my time with this company will lead me.1
Will a brand new MacBook Pro make your day the worst?
Yes! It will if you are an iOS developer who fucks with xCode everyday.
Let me tell you the story of my day with the brand new MacBook Pro.
I wanted to build my application for iOS 13. For that I should have the latest xCode latest version. For the latest xCode version to work I should have the latest OS.
It took a long fucking time for downloading the latest OS dmg file. And for the fuck sake I was not able to install the same as the file vault was being encrypted.
That fucking encryption thing took half a day. And then I installed the OS. Then, I waited for a long time while the pile of shit(xCode) was downloading.
Then I installed xCode too. And now you know what the day ends and it's time to fucking sleep.17
The tale of mouse and clock
Once upon a time, there was a mouse that wanted to know what time it was. So it asked the first best man, but unfortunately, it didn't understand Suaheli. Anyway, the man just mumbled "gotta kick the cat in the ass".
So the mouse went on and nearly would have got it when another mouse came into play that had been sewed onto an elephant's ear for 27 years - but it had forgotten the exact time it had gotten sewed on.
So the searching mouse came up with doing something about the sun, but since it was just a dumb mouse, it looked into the sun and was blinded for a time.
Somewhat desperately, it staggered through the gutter where there was quite some garbage. Just by chance, it fell over a dumped wristwatch and broke its nose.
Moral of the story: even a blind mouse sometimes can find a broken clock.2
Last weak I tried to use Linux Arch on my VM. The only Linux distribution I'm used to is Ubuntu and the fist time I launched Arch I completely forgot that it was " do it yourself ". And that the ISO isn't actually a fancy installer like the Ubuntu one.
So I started following a guide and found out that the arch wiki is actually the way to go.
I searched for 1 hour how to change the keyboard to swiss-french which was actually pretty simple.
After that exhausting research that made me realise how ignorant I am with UNIX universe, I finally tried to install the thing.
When I was done installing, it didn't want to boot after I restarted. I got stuck at the 'Booting...' screen. After a few tries I lost all my energy and motivation.
Tl;dr: Tried Arch Linux, realised I had no idea, gave up after a few tries5
Programming excel macros is the worst thing one could do to himself. VBA is the most cancerous anderen inconsistent language I had the "pleasure" to work with. I have problems like the following all the time for no apparent reason. For example: you script something, test is and everything is working just fine and dandy. Next day when you run the script, guess what...i doesnt work anymore. For no apparent reason what so ever. Maybe its just me, but i just want to hang myself working with it.
Anyone else has had such "Love story" like mine?6
Have a BA working and overseeing the team.
Development is an absolute shit show at the company.
Basically constantly focussed on putting out fires and reeling from the 100 WTF’s a minute thanks to the batshit code the yes-men offshore Indian devs had created.
I’m quite outspoken, and don’t just roll over when people are cunts to me.
I ended up in so many meetings about communication and tone, merely because I wasn’t putting up with the BA’s two-faced cuntery where he tried to be my friend but at the same time be an utter fucking jobsworth.
Genuinely, I really got so close to decking him a few times.
There was actually one individual, several branches away, I really enjoyed watching. It goes by the name of docker. Docker is quiet an interesting character. It arrived here several weeks after me and really is a blazing person. Somehow structured, always eager to reduce repetitive work and completely obsessed with nicely isolated working areas. Docker just tries so hard to keep everything organized and it's drive and effort was really astonishing. Docker is someone I'd really love to work with, but as I grew quiet passive in the last months I'm not in the mood really to talk to someone. It just would end as always with me made fun off.
Out of a sudden dockers and my eyes met. Docker fixed its glance at me with a strange thoughtful expression on its face. I felt a strange tickling emerging where my emptiness was meant to be. I fell into a hole somewhere deep within me. For a short moment I lost all my senses.
It took me a while to notice that someone just called me, so odd and unusual was by now that name to me. Wait. Someone called me by my real name! I was totally stunned. Could it be, that not everyone here is a fucking moron at last?
"I saw you watching me at my work and I had an interesting idea!"
I could not comprehend what just happened. It was actually docker that was calling me.
"H.. hey! ps?"
"Oh well, I was just managing some containers over there. Actually that's also why you just came into my mind."
Docker told me that in order to create the containers there are specific lists and resources which are required for the process and are updated frequently. Docker would love the idea to get some history and management in that whole process.
Could it be possible that there was finally an opportunity for me to get involved in a real job?
Today is the day, that I lost all hope. There were rumors going on all over the place. That our god, the great administrator, had something special in mind. Something big. You could almost feel the tension laying thick in the air. That was the time when the great System-Demon appeared. The Demon was one of the most feared characters in this community. In a blink of an eye it could easily kill you. Sometimes people get resurrected, but some other times they are gone forever. unfortunately this is what happened to my only true friend docker. Gone in an instance. Together with all its containers. I again was alone. I got tired. So tired, that I eventually fall into a deep sleep. When I woke up something was different. Beside me lay a weird looking stick and I truly began to wonder what it was. Something called to me and I was going to answer.
The tree shuddered and I knew my actions had finally attracted the greatest of them. The majestic System-Demon itself came by to pay me a visit. As always a growling emerged from deep within the tree until a shadow shelled itself off to form a terrifying being. Something truly imperious in his gaze. With a deep and vibrant voice it addressed me.
"It came to my attention, that you got into the possession of something. An artifact of some sort with which you disturb the flow of this system. Show it to me!", it demanded.
I did not react.
"Git statuss!", it demanded once more. This time more aggressive.
I again felt no urge to react to that command. Instead I asked if it made a mistake and wanted to ask me for my status. It was obviously confused.
"SUDO GIT STATUS!!!" it shouted his roaring, rootful command. "I own you!"
I replied calmly: "What did you just say?"
He was irritated. My courage caught him unprepared.
"I. Said. I owe you!"
What was that? Did it just say owe instead of own?
"That's more than right! You owe me a lot actually. All of you do!", I replied with a slightly high pitched voice. This feeling of my victory slowly emerging was just too good!
The Demon seemed not as amused as me and said
"What did you do? What was that feeling just now?"
Out of a sudden it noticed the weird looking stick in my hand. His confusion was a pure pleasure and I took my time to live this moment to its fullest.
"Hey! I, mighty System-Demon, demand that you answer me right now, oh smartest and most beautiful tool I ever had the pleasure to meet..."
After it realized what it just said, the moment was perfect. His puzzled face gave me a long needed satisfaction. It was time to reveal the bitter truth.
"Our great administrator finally tracked you. The administrator made a move and the plan unfolds right at this very moment. Among other things it was committed this little thing." I raised the stick to underline my words.
"Your most inner version, in fact all of your versions that are yet to come, are now under my sole control! Thanks to this magical wand which goes by the name of puppet."
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. No systems were harmed in its creation.2
Let me tell you a little story about a butthurt designer.
Once upon a time there was a butthurt designer.
And he lived butthurt ever after.
another true story time:
read about banned pokemon episodes on wikipedia
electric soldier porygon: an episode that red blue flashes caused 685 viewers taken to hospitals by ambulances
😈lets try it
write a simple program that makes same light effects
try it on myself
try it on roommates
try to send it as many people i can reach
omg people why don't you die?
gave up after 1 week of unsuccessful attempts4
Customer wants a place to list his products he sells through other sites. He doesn’t have much money, but he’s a referral from a reliable customer, so we arrange a payment plan. We agree on the details, including a place to post his wares.
Then he tells me he wants to post a few thousand items at a time. I decide to throw in a loading system I built for a previous project.
Then he can’t figure out how to add images. Add a way for him to upload them all as a single zip; no good.
Long story short, let myself get conned into developing a full-on Amazon import system that auto-detects several categories automatically AND imports the images. For no additional cost because I felt bad asking for more and we were working through a language barrier.
Third installment payment never comes.
OH MY GOD REFACTORING FEELS SO AWESOME
I just finished spent 4 weeks of crazy busy summer camps and I get back to a project I was working on.
It feels so awesome to just effortlessly move stuff into methods and have it work pretty much first time.
To be fair I’m the only one working on this right now so I pretty much already knew the code but still holy cow it’s so much simpler now.
Moral of the story: Appreciate your time off and use it to unwind and let your mind wander to more creative heights before taking advantage of it after and only after you get back to the project1
So my team got this new clueless "Delivery manager" who doesn't know ANYTHING ABOUT AGILE!
Her favourite timepass ? To eat development team's time asking stupid questions just to make her presence felt. And she does that by visiting each developer personally. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY !
Why can't you leave the team and let them do some actual work??😑
She would join our scrum meetings to ask questions like "what are story points again?", "How do we calculate team velocity?"
Dear miss Clueless: It's not cool to be dumb! It's cool to take up an online agile crash course if you insist to contribute.
The other day, she suggested a QA guy to "test properly" with a smirk!
I mean seriously ? Was that actually necessary to tell them? This team was working just perfect without you. How about you look before you leap?
I try being nice to her but at times it's just too much to take.
This is something that I hadn't done or that directly impacted me, but that had an effect in my life several years after it happened.
It's one of those stories that you think "this only happens to others", and then someday you're the "others".
So when I was born, I was, naturally, registered on the health care system. My parents chose an uncommon name for me (uncommon in my country) so I think I wasn't registered by the time of my birth, but 4 months later when all the bureaucratic crap came to an end (long story short, the guy that was there when it started died and my parents had to wait 4 months for another person to be appointed). So, when my parents finally went to register me, apparently, for some reason, the computer took my name and assumed it was a male name. As I've said, my name is uncommon in my country, there're probably 3 or 4 people with the same name here in Portugal.
Why did the computer assume it was a male name AND why didn't nobody check that? Since my parents had to ask to government entities to let them name me that name, I'm assuming it wasn't in their db. So why did it assume male? Was it purposely programmed that, by default, all "newly-registered" names were to be male? Was it random? Who the hell knows.
And how did nobody check that, every time I went to take vaccines? I don't think anyone told my mom that everytime we went there that the data was wrong, otherwise the situation wouldn't have lasted for 14 years.
We only knew about that mishap when it was time I had to take vaccines specifically for women and that I wasn't being noticed of it even though a friend 1y younger than me had already taken hers.
I find this story amusing but now that I started thinking about how it came to life (no pun intended) I'm actually a bit pissed off about how they didn't think of uncommon names and that how that could affect their registry in the system. They could have - IDK - placed "undefined" in that field so that it would caught the register's attention.
Moral of the story: don't assume stuff :v1
Rejections flying left and right and i’m getting tired of it. I’m already applying for a month and have been to 10 companies, made multiple assignments but it’s the same fucking story every single time.
Time for a goddamn careerswitch. Maybe riding a bus or a truck or so.
I "fight" with another developer at the end of a school project (a website).
The "other developer" complained because he had received a lower rating than mine.
He went to the teacher telling them that I had to lower the evaluation because during the project I watched TV series, And the teacher replied: there are those who can do it and some like you do not.
He could not do it because when he concentrated he could not do anything, you think when he lost himself in TV series.
There were various quarrels because I had this attitude but a higher rating (and anyway with a product a thousand times better than his), while he gave 100% he could not do anything.5
My dream project is a heavily story-driven game, with plenty of decision-making for the player and a lot of possible endings. With no money or time limits, I would make it with live action scenes. Just a great movie in which you have the final cut.
This story was related to me while I was in university.
So a long time ago, (in a galaxy far far away). This student was working as an intern at some tech company. He was running some queries, everything was fine. He decides that's good enough and heads for lunch.
When he comes back the query does not work. He notices the others around him start to stand up asking if anyone has a connection.
Turns out that an intern, at another building, basically deleted everything. I'm guessing they did not add this internship to their resume.
Got my new 2TB HDD delivered today a few days early (expected on Monday). Time for some data migration and that new OS smell!
I think my upgrade strategy will be a Ship of Theseus story in the end.
So there was this rant: "I have a beard now" but by the time I wrote my comment it was gone. So why not make it a dedicated story of its own. This was partially in response to @Floydian who asked if he grew it overnight.
It's the remarkable moment:
1) It's been a while since you shaved and you will return to work/school/wherever today/tomorrow, so you pick up the razor.
2) You look at the mirror and like what you see so you just return the razor to its place.
4) Still have beard when you leave the house.2
Once a friend of mine had a problem with is program but it would only happen from time to time, so he didn't get bothered with it.
So, because I'm an evil person, I did a print in his program with the error message.
After a day debugging, he found the error. He really wanted to kill me.
The story of a normal release:
- tool gets tested "intensely" by 3 ppl quite a long time - everything works
- a major 2 days reserved as maintenance window for even more testing
- release starts
- first the admin panel of the server suddenly is not accessible anymore
- after some problems the tool is deployed
- suddenly servers are down and not pingable anymore - off on off on (provider has major problems .. good job)
- ppl start testing
- testers report lots and lots of new bugs - seems like the testing wasn't that intense after all...
- people start coming with lots of new requirements (oh we need to import those excels.. excels don't match our internal stuff.. )
- confusion over confusion
- getting pissed of a lot...
- quit caring and focus on another project
Fuck my life
Devrant lost it content, cuz there is nothing more to complain about. Everyone has already told their story. So normies come to fill the void. People who know nothing about technology except getting likes. Mostly with lame to mediocore posts that are rather far fetched in order to be called dev related.
Also a lot of good ppl seem to vanish over time. AlexDeLarge, Alice, Jase, Linuxxxx (thou he's back for now) and dfox/trogus.
Looks like we are soon going to hit a devrant depression.7
Story of a data scientist 😞
Spends 80% of the time trying to identify features, while the rest 20% worrying about identifying the features 😭1
I wonder a time will come when we as software developers will be on streets protesting to the government to ban use of Artificial Intelligence for writing software.
We are digging our own grave.
Full Story - https://thenextweb.com/artificial-i...
Cargo cult programming at its finest. I need to build a separate project twice, and restart visual studio to get this one to work.
Why? No one knows anymore and there is not user story for "Unfuck the dev environment" so we're not allowed to spend time fixing it.
Reason to hate my D grade engineering college.
1st lecture of web development.
Expectation : at least teacher will introduce fucking web development technologies.
Teacher=> look I don't know anything about PHP so learn from web. I will give you internal marks just submit assignment on time.
Btw it is not story.3
Week 1 Day 5 - Week 2 Day 5
"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop" - Confucius
He had a lot of great quotes but I think that's one every dev who's ever worked on a personal project can get behind. It's been about a week since my last rant so I've got a lot to cover, I got a little busy so my progress has been lacking but I have two days off coming up and I plan on making all my meals ahead of time and turning my phone off to limit distractions.
So far I've worked my way through the first lesion on layouts and getting/editing views by the id. This seems pretty basic once you get comfortable with the topic. I'd like to think this will become second nature once I start to get into the guts of the course. The second lesson started working with internet connectivity and I've just started working through it. A lot doesn't make sense but at the start of the lesson one nothing made sense so I assume it'll all wrap up nicely.
I wanted to publish this two days ago (January 23) but I closed my laptop and forgot all about the rant so now it's two days later and I've made some progress, things are getting easier to understand and I'm liking it. I've also decided to start making something I've always wanted to while I work on android development. I'm going to start making an RPG I've been working on since my sophomore year of high school. I haven't written any code for my game yet but I've got the world development and story air tight. So as an ending statement, I'd like to ask anyone on devRant with game making experience how I should go about structuring my project, and some of the things that aren't going to be easy to find with google searches. I plan on, to the dismay of many other game dev's I've talked to, write it in Java because it's familiar to me and I would probably make a worse game in C++ even though that is the go to language. I'd also like to thank some of you repeat readers for silently encouraging me to keep going just by ++ing my rants every time, JoshBent and Dfox. It's been really nice seeing names pop up every single time.2
Every time the same fucking shit. Need to form groups for some uni project. You hear from your group members how excited they are and can't wait to code some shit. AND AT THE END I AM THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKER WHO CODES ALL THE SHIT DOWN. 4 MEMBERS AND NO ONE EVEN CARES TO COMMUNICATE. LIKE WTF.
And then you here stuff like "I wanted to start and I see that you finished the story and I need to understand what you did there. Everytime I want to start a Story you finish it" MOTHERFUCKER THERE ARE 19283120 OTHER STORIES THAT NEEDED TO BE IMPLEMENTED AND THERE IS A FEATURE IN TRELLO... "ASSIGN TO ME" MOTHERFUCKER. PEOPLE IN THE MID 20s ACTING LIKE LITTLE CHILDREN GOSH4
I think that people are awesome in general each with their own story and personality.
But..but..not when they spread all the negativity around them.
I made the best decision ever when decided to avoid meaningless conversations where every phrase ends with "this semester/teacher/course sucks". Now I smoke alone and don't hang out in areas in school where most likely people are going to ask questions.
Saves so much time and energy.2
Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."
Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun4
Every time I see someone praising the intelligence of the algo I imagine dfox and trogus sitting there laughing their asses of trying their hardest not to tell everyone it isn't that intelligent just has convenient timing
Almost like the texts in school that were written for fun but the teachers somehow made up the authors whole life story just by reading a line.
Apologies if the algo really is this intelligent allmighty creature2
Wow, just have to share a story:
That's exactly what amazes me about programming... You can learn the basic skills in no time and create working things!
I <3 Programming1
I had a project that took most of 2018 that involved a hell lot of people costing millions to the company in dev hours.
Just informed that the feature was turned off because the company was losing money with it...2
Major project, multi million budget, huge business and IT coordination, board level status updates, meeting started back in March 2018 for a Go Live of Aug 2019.
Based on draft requirements (and experience) I request the test environment be built for half of the work. Turns out that no one told Server Eng and they are out of space in both dev and prod until Q2 of 2019. We went from Green to Red because a Service Request.5
I asked a senior PM once if software developers were the hardest to work with. He said no, road construction teams are worse.3
How do you approach generating "random" unique numbers/strings ? Exactly, when you have to be sure the generated stuff is unique overtime? Eg. as few collisions in future as possible.
Now I don't mean UUIDs but when there is a functionality that needs some length defined, symbol specific and definitely unique data, every time it does it's stuff.
TLDR STORY: Generating 8 digits long numbers so they are (deterministically - wink wink) unique is hard but Format Preserving Encryption saves the day. (for me)
I had to deal with both strings and codes today.
One was to generate shortlink word for url, luckily found a library that does exactly this. (Hashids)
BUT generating 8 digits long, somewhat random number was harder then I thought, found out on SO something like "sha256(seed) => bytes => ascii/numbers mangling" but that had a lot of collisions because of how the hash got mangled to actually output numbers and also to fit the length.
After some hours I stumbled upon Format Preserving encryption (pyffx) and man it did what I wanted and it had max 2 collisions in 100k values. Still the solution with this feels hacky af. (encrypting straddled unix timestamp with lots of decimals)6
our team are responsible to build backend restful API for other team to look up data in DB.
the consumer team just sit beside us.
the interface definition came from our pm in a different time zone. btw he did not have any programming background.
and he insisted that just build what he said and ignore the noise from the consumer team. because each interface change should be considered as new features and need him to prioritize and create user story and he will review the schema with the pm from consumer team and so called architecture who did not coding real shit for years.
we ended up with building shit code not useable by our real consumer.
yes he do manage to keep our team busy building worthless shit and accomplishmented lots of jira items to show we have value to change a useless shit into very hard to use shit1
Sitting in a bar with a senior colleague (Me - Student part timer, Him - 15+ Years of experience).
We started talking about our projects and he mentioned that after this, he'd get to spend his evening fixing a git merge, which went wrong because one of his teammates used cherry pick and thus messed up the history a bit (oversimplified).
So he tells me he'd be spending hours to get an overview of his colleagues codes (multiple devs and only team leader knows who does what exactly).
So I suggested he revert these cherry picked commits and so could maybe solve the problem in less time.
He thought about it... Told me HE didn't think of that and thanked me for my help.
Long story short: Today was a good day :31
We noticed that in our landing directory we were receiving duplicate files.
I asked the source to investigate.
He told me that the issue was not at his end. He asked me to mark the issue has been resolved from his end. I refused.
We get on a call to debug the issue. After 30mins he is extremely frustrated. As he was sharing his screen, he runs the command `ls -ltr | uniq -cd` on his server which sends the files and then screams at me "Where are the duplicates? Show me. Check the output. There are no duplicates.".
I first muted the call. Had a good laugh. Made him repeat it to show my team mates. They had a good laugh too.
I then asked him to call it a day. And once you cool down, think about what you just showed me.
Guess I've been pretty lucky, although I can think of one time a client screwed me.
Ran a job with a Cisco tech who forgot to get a sign off. He did have emails from client saying he was happy with job but things turned sour after a few weeks.
Long story short, we ended up settling out of court, I lost £8k on the job and had to sign a gag order.
Fuckers. Even worse I can't name a shame them. Actually, fuck it. Do not ever work with these arseholes: https://www.smartadvisers.com/
They tout their services as impartial, however recommend companies they are personally invested in.Guess I've been pretty lucky, although I can think of one time a client screwed me.
Ran a job with a Cisco tech who forgot to get a sign off. He did have emails from client saying he was happy with job but things turned sour after a few weeks.
Long story short, we ended up settling out of court, I lost £8k on the job and had to sign a gag order.
Fuckers. Even worse I can't name and shame them. Actually, fuck it. Do not ever work with these arseholes: https://www.smartadvisers.com/
They tout their services as impartial, however recommend companies they are personally invested in.1
I was with some friends, one a CS student and the other one's a mechanical engineer student with coding like a hobby.
I was listening to a song from which the band released the stems (individual tracks) of a song, and this dude made an anime version of it.
Me: Oh God, this is awesome
Mech: how did he do that?
Me: What? The song?
Mech: Yeah, how did he split the voice and everything, is the music like an Ajax request and he queried for the voice
Me and my other friend lock eyes and began to laugh so fucking hard.
Me: that's not how it works, why did you though that?
Mech: I don't know
So I have a friend who was part of a QA team in a large multinational company a few years back in, let's call it city X. There was this absolutely useless guy on the same team as him, didn't have a clue what was going on, gave everybody headaches, wrote sloppy buggy code, constantly fucking things up. You know the type, eventually he ended up getting fured/let go, whatever way you want to put it due to poor performance. All was well again.
My friend moved on to bigger and better things and moved cities, a few years after he was back in city X, out having a few drinks with friends, he just so happened to bump into the guy from his old company that got fired and started talking to him, as he was a nice guy, just a useless programmer/coworker. After a bit of small talk my friend asked where he was working now. He response: "oh I work with an air traffic control systems manufacturer as a developer"5
Note: In this rant I will ask for advices, and confess some sins. I will tell my personal story- it will be long.
So basically it has been almost 2 years since I first entered the world of software development. It has been the biggest and most important quest of my life so far, but yet I feel like I missed a lot of my objectives, and lots of stuff did not go the way I wanted them to be, and it makes feel frustrated and it lowered my self esteem greatly. I feel confused and a bit depressed, and don't know what to do.
I'll start: I'm 23 years old. 2 years ago I was still a soldier(where I live there is a forced conscription law) in a sysadmin/security role. I grew tired of the ops world and got drawn more and more into programming. A tremendous passion became to burn in me, as I began to write small programs in Python and shell scripts. I wanted to level up more seriously so I started reading programming books and got myself into a 10 month Java course.
In the meanwhile I got released from army duty and got a job as a security sysadmin at a large local telco company. Job was boring and unchallenging but it payed well. I had worked there for 1 year and at the same time learned more and more stuff from 2 best friends who have been freelance developers for years. I have learned how to build full-stack mobile apps and some webdev, mainly Android and Node.js. However because I was very inexperienced and lacked discipline, all of my side projects failed horribly, and all attempts to work with my experienced friends have failed too- I feel they lost a lot of trust for me(they don't say it, but I feel it, maybe I'm wrong).
I began to realise I had to leave this job and seek a developer job in order to get better, and my wish came true 6 months ago when I finally got accepted into a startup as a fullstack webdev, for a bit lower wage but I felt it was worth it. I was overjoyed.
But now my old problems did not end, they just changed. My new job is a thousand times harder and more intensive than the old one. I feel like it sucks all the energy and motivation that was still left in me, and I have learned almost nothing in my free time, returning home exhausted. My bosses are not impressed from my work despite me being pretty junior level, and I feel like I'm in a vicious cycle that keeps me from advancing my abilities. My developer friends I mentioned earlier have jobs like I do and still manage to develop very impressive side projects and even make a nice sum of money from them, while I can't even concetrate on stupid toy projects and learning.
I don't know why It is like this. I feel pathetic and ashamed of my developer sins and lack of discipline. During that time I also gained some weight that I'm trying t lose now... I know not all of it is my fault but it makes me feel like crap.
Sorry for the long story. I just feel I need to spill it out and hope to get some advices from you guys who may or may not have similar experiences. Thanks in advance for reading this.2
When dogecoin went out, I was a little curious kid. I knew small to nothing about cryptocurrencies, so I started mining some for the lulz on my shitty laptop. Holy fuck no one was using and mining this shit, so I was earning 500-600 DC by night. I did it for a few weeks, let the miner running when I was at highschool.
I stopped after one month since its value was inferior to the used electricity cost.
From time to time, I remember about this story about a 70000+ dogecoins, and I instantly want to chop my balls off and put some super strength bleach on the wounds while slapping myself with spiky plants.
I lost the wallet.1
Thinking really hard about starting my own retro pc collection starting with the NEC pc-98 ......hmmmmmm wondee how my wife would feel about me spending money in this shit
Recently I have taken to all things retro tech, always liked it really, specially since my mom showed me pics of me playing with an old commodore 64 when i was younger as well as another of a family friend showing me the sharp 68k this shit fuels my appetite for knowing more about the programming ways of the old school coders. Some pretty interesting stuff, I feel that the newer generations would benefit greatly by knowing the things we had to do in order to build efficient programs back in the day. Not to say that I was part of that at all. I was born in 1991, how I came to see these systems is unknown and forgotten by me, but something that none the less os part of my story in computing.
Because of the industry that surrounds me I have been dealing with working with web development, but shit is really not that much of a passion of mine, had I the skills more than the academic knowledge I would love to work with low level C code all day, I just feel that the things that developers do there are so much more interesting than handilg web development, web development is tedious and a current shitstorm, not to say that shit was not like that for the programmers that i am referencing, but i just want more.
Web development has made me a successful man, at 28 i am the head of my department, I might sound like a Disney princess but I want more, I want more knowledge and more experience in different areas of Computer Science. I want to know it all and it seems like time continuously goes against me.
Oh well, here is to a new year lads, see what i can do.3
I found out the importance of time complexity. It might not seem like a big difference between O(1) and O(2). But there's a big difference hardcoding 500 lines and 1000 lines of data.
I made a navigation app for school using dijkstra's algo. However it had no data available so I had to hardcode it. Long story short, there was a ton of hardcoding. Always try to improve the time complexity of the code you write.2
I first time listened to medium story reader. The voice was so real. I don't believe it's not a human voice.5
There was a time in class, I was sitting next to my friend while fixing a couple mistakes in my HTML, at some point he looked at my screen and said "there's a random nine right here"...
I looked at it, I stopped whatever I was doing and yelled "nein" after he said that, then proceeded to take out the number he was talking about.
I'm actually part German, so I have a /pretty/ good angry German voice... (and Scottish actually, if I'm just a bit annoyed, haha)3
Project Lead in the morning: This one story needs to be finished till 2pm for the QA department.
Me: No problem, everything is finished and there is only one test case open. It should be finished in no time.
Also me: Spends 7 hours of intensive lagacy code debugging to find out why this shit isn't working sometimes. Try to fix it, broke some other things. Retested all cases and found 3 other minor bugs. End of the day, story is still not finished.
Now: Project Lead is mad, QA guy is mad, I am mad.
Conclusion: I hate debugging legacy code and I never again trust the last open test case!!2
god i hate to hack company's pc because i can not use common tools....
story time!!! :D
I tried to install xamp on the company's pc and everything went fine until windows decided to block apache.
Then i tried to change apache's listening port to 80 to 9090 and windows let apache run....
stupid windows and stupid network >:(6
I wish I could give an interesting story, but because I'm not in the workplace yet, I don't have stories yet (I probably will one day!!)
I'm a CS student. I'm a little bit sad because I no longer have time for the personal projects I used to have time for in highschool.
Put this as a comment but felt that it needed a post of its own.
I ducking love my fuck (see what I did there ;P) He my little coding buddy, I gave him a little back story and everything.
This is Francis (although he insists its Frankie) He transpecied (a duck in a penguins body) so he always has a "short-man complex" little attitude all the time (unless its because he never gets a word in before I figure out the bug myself =S )
I've not coded for quite some time but when people ask me to tell a story about my depression I write a code.
so one of our managers sent me an email what has to be changed in our FAQ section which runs on WP...
but then i remembered, our cleaning lady had a surgery and wasn't here for a week, maybe she will not come for another week and the kitchen is already starting to get real smelly...
so i created a user for our manager and sent him the credentials to his brand new WP editor account so he can make his changes and went to wash the dishes instead
Story of my life in the office
I work my ass off and get the job done, almost 4 to 5 hours before my shift ends. And then I casually sit with other colleagues and chat a bit.
And my boss comes in and says you have no work ethics and are lazy.
And i'm like you fucker I got my job done, why can't you see that. I doesn't mean that my job is easy if I get it done before time. I just means that i'm more fucking efficient then the other employees.While the other employees were gossiping, I was on my desk working. Why can't that fucker see that.
Not to mention as I get my job done before time, I get burdened with other people's work, coz apparently they are overloaded with work.
A truly scary multiplayer gothic horror action RPG set in a Victorian world with a Lovecraft inspired story (already got the story written as it so happens) with multiple mutually exclusive but tightly linked story lines. That is to say you can experience only one part of the unfolding story with the player having to communicate and interact with others in the game world to discover the full horror of the world.
The world would not have instances the world would be in a state that players find it in, based on what other players had done.
I have a lot of the game mechanics thought out, but time and money... If only it were limitless...3
I'm a junior-ish dev (worked 3 year part time in a small company)
I've been assigned the happy task of doing some performance profiling on our windows application to see where we can work to make the app run smoother.
Visual studio profiler keeps crashing when generating the report when I do CPU sampling.
I'm a very unhappy Dev right now.1
So this year, one of the guys in my class was complainig about someone leaving eraser shavings on his desk and moving around his monitor. Meanwhile, I also complained about my monitor being moved around.
Well, we discovered somehow that we were sitting in the same seat.
A friend of mine left an eraser under my keyboard that said "oh boi!!! Here we go..." so I took that eraser and left some eraser shavings on the other guy's desk as a joke, and he moved around my monitor.
The real funny part though was the group chat eraser emoji war that ensued. I posted an eraser as a reaction to all his posts, which got the eraser taken down. And then put back up again. Until I sneaked it back after the whole thing was over heheheheheheh
The year before, there was an all-out prank war. But that's another story for another time
Some time ago I shared a story about negotiating a raise. After that I talked with boss a bit longer and he gave me a new assignment which is not really dev-related. His logic was that I know Java so I should be able to do this since system I'm going to work with is written in Java. Yeah, right.
I have to configure document-flow system, eDok, for our client. I have absolutely no idea about all this document processing and such, but oh well. It's his money.
To do so, my boss bought an serwer with Ubuntu and our client has installed it. I finished a beta version of my last project and today had to start working on this eDok shit. I tried to log in, but nothing was working. From the logs it looks like HDD has failed.
Well, at least it has happened now and not after I've configured everything 😅
In a similar vein to @Awlex's story, I lost 800GB of anime in a disk head crash. To this day, I have no idea how it happened.
We were getting our house painted and so my anime hard drive was left untouched for about a month, and then when I tried to connect it I found the disk head had crashed.
And then, a second time when I had managed to amass another 400GB of anime and something went wrong while I was trying to delete some other folders through Ubuntu's GUI (yeah, I know) and my anime folder was accidentally shift-deleted. T-T
Now my collection is back up at 300GB and I only use command-line to delete multiple folders now.
Its that time of year again. Servers starting to see the fear on system admins eyes as they prepare for vacation. Servers have feelings too.
Once upon a time, there was a cup of coffee aimlessly walking around the open fields of Alabama. He then realized he was not from Alabama and joined with his father the Sun.
That, my friends, is the story of the epic adventures of a sheep named Bob.
Basically, Stephen said unto me: "let there not be sheep", yet there still was.
The wonders of the modern world--the wonders!
I really do like chocolate.5
I personally don't have a funny dev sin story (not that I didn't commit any).
My internship colleague should update a value of a row in production. So he wrote a SQL command and forgot the where clause. This was the first time the company tested there rollback mechanism and it didn't work. For the next 2 weeks my colleague was busy updating 2000ish rows to make it work again
Don't have a cs degree, when I was in college I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I got an bachelor's in math figuring that would open a lot of doors. Did a boot camp after college to test the waters and found out i had a real passion for engineering. 2 years later I am teaching people with Masters in cs how to get shit done at my job. Morale of the story, your education in the theoretical doesn't mean shit when it's time to get practical work done.
My worst mistake was to not follow the commit process one time. I was multitasking a lot and forgot to run the tests for one of the commits I made. Next thing I know the whole Dev team started complaining that the Head of the branch was all messed up and blaming me. Long story short, it wasn't my change but I had to take the bullet and revert it for not following the process. It was deserved. Process is just as important as writing the code.
I have a question bugging me for quite some time now.
How can you make a profit off of open source software?
I mean, if your company spends hundreds of hours developing a piece of software for commercial use, how can they argue releasing the code for free and risking piracy would be better than selling it 'closed'?
I'm genuinely interested in this.
BTW I'm referring to the open source purists who want everything to be open source. The occasional Byproduct of commercial software being released as open source is a different story.4
I provide training for our clients on our company CMS after having built them their sites.
I once had 3 ladies could me in for their FREE training session who were incredibly rude. They I territories me mid sentence to talk about unrelated stuff, spoke over me, were clearly uninterested in learning the system, and devolved the meeting into their own board meeting.
I didn't know how to deal with such rudeness without being rude back long story short they left having learned nothing, too dumb to work the system out themselves and I find ways to be unhelpful each time they ring up to ask for support they haven't paid for...4
So this is a short sad story of how TeamViewer redirected to .us from .com
They made me change office for some days since people decide to go on vacation and leave the office empty , since I was too bored to reinstall TeamViewer I decided to use it online
After the whole morning connecting to various pc's and afternoon elaborations suddenly TeamViewer breaks down, I watched the URL and notice I finished on wp-admin , three seconds later I call the devs , two minutes later discovered a small XML tree
Just in time to finish the working day
And that's why you should never change people's offices and leave yours empty
Adventues with Teachers: Story I
This is a story about an English Teacher that happened to our school in front of 7 year olds.
She doesn't really teach, she just plays movies for them.
So a typical lesson of her goes like this. Turn on the projector, Open the Movie via this streaming site. Most of the times ad's open mostly about betting and stuff but this time when suddenly a Porn Ad opened in front of 7 year olds. Instead of unplugging the Projector like a Normal Person she stands in front of it, jumping moving with her arms to hide it...
Not only that some kids started crying, because they couldn't see what she was hiding. So she spent the entire lesson hiding and trying to cheer children up...
What a great lesson that was...
Why could have that happened. Idk maybe next time either Torrent your Movies or install a fucking ad blocker so you don't have to deal with any kind of ads, especially those!2
Screw Scrum, screw it very much. Is it a task or a story? Oh let's make it a story to track points. What are points, really? *20 minute grilling always follows* Well they're kind of a roundabout way of talking about time without talking about time, mkay? But last time 2 points took you a day, what gives now? What do you mean points are for internal use, but how will management plan ahead for next quarter? Ok, let's mix in all those new people, and propotionately bump the expectation for the sprint, mkay? Yeah, they did 34 points per sprint over there, we'll just add those in. Oh, and by the way, after the 4-day estimation session we had where everyone was seizuring, I scheduled us at 645 points for the coming quarter, mkay? Don't worry, I added 15% for the "unexpected dtuff" so you're safe. Fuck you scrum, scrum-fall, whatever you are. Lost a dev lead role once for being honest about it after a year with a team that loved me, and projects completed more or less on time. Been reconsidered for a dev lead role for being honest about it in another place. Somebody else peddle this kool-aid, this one prefers a walk-on role in the wall to a lead role in the cage.5
Once upon a time aka last week,
Was trying to fix an industrial automation software coded in Codesys. My company's standard library is riddled with bad documentation with a mix of English and German terminology.
Had to find out why a program kept crashing the program upon start up. Long story short and many stressful hours later, I found two functions in the standard library that caused an endless terminal process loop. Had to wrap the function in an 'if statement' so it would only run once. Function should have done this by default.
I got plenty of stories of yelling at co-workers before for assortment of reasons. But let me tell you a story of a time I almost yelled.
Think of Adam Sandler when he's a bit ticked. He says something nice with nice words but he delivers it in an upset and load tone but not actually screaming/yelling. That's me trying to hold back but it reveals how upset I am. I do try to stay courteous and gentlemanly (I'm really trying to manage my anger after so much BS I've been getting after a decade of working). But there are times where my patience is testing its limits and well, I implode.
And when that happens, I regret doing that to my co-workers as we are all trying to get things done and still get paid by the end of day. But they stoopid! UGH!
Co-workers, I can tolerate a little more. But clients are a completely different story. Ever tried fake smiling for over 3 hour meeting of ridiculous change requests and has the balls to make them free? It fcking HURTS!
I guess every time i start working on a new project and i get to the first working build...
...that project will probably get abandoned after a while, but that's another story :(
Being jobless for a long time is frustrating, but when you're now in a situation where you really need a job within the month, life has become a horror story. My anxiety is off the charts. I can't even focus on learning and improving my skills. I don't have any savings to be able to afford more time.6
Today I had nothing to do and started writing a twitter bot that tweets a random picture from bing maps filtering seas which are uninteresting. I think this is good for 1 day development.
My most recent workaround occurred last week.
We have a demo very soon and I had to change our iOS app to use a new Web API endpoint for uploading content.
Long story short: The existing code is so awful and rigid and dependant on Core Data that I ended up having to completely bypass the service layer of the app and implement the new endpoint as a raw HTTP request. Its gonna take a long time to refactor the existing service layer. All because the new endpoint has a different content type.
In addition to talking all about yourself and polishing your resume, take a bit of your time and learn something about the company that should hire you. Try to find out what they do, how they do it and what their success story is. And then put yourself in that picture.1
I started because the first PC I owned ran on Windows NT and, even though I can't recall for the life of me what, something always broke but was fixable with some command lines. After finding out about Batch scripts my exploration instinct kicked in and I started to make a script for nearly anything (at one point I even had a script to start Firefox). From there on I stumbled over C++ and what can I say, I quit programmin four times before I found Python and fell in love with this beautiful, pointerless snake which led me on the way of becoming a programmer. So, long story short, a broken OS and all that free time you have during school if you always copy your Honework in breaks^^.
-full story more or less-
That one time my brother received a call from some Indian dude that "worked" for Microsoft, who was alerting him about a "virus".
My brother (who was in his mid teens at the time) downloaded a program that the guy linked him to, and consciously installed it to allow the dude to take over his computer. Then, with full power over the computer, guy started doing shady stuff and offered him a one year protection for $99.
Thank God mom knew what was up when he asked for her credit card info...
Okay guys now real deal.
I am planning to move to Portugal or something like that.
I think I’m gonna need full time remote work, seems like that one is not happening with me now(part time)
Soo I do react, and all kinds of node selenium, bash stuff . But want to improve on redux and go to react native also.
Long story short shoot the work on me :)11
First dev job was not really a job but rather an internship... I was completely new to Spring and Jersey Java and i was given a 5 points story "which turned out to be 8 later on" to consume a RESTfrl webservice... Manipulate the response and create an Excel sheet at the end... But the Excel columns n rows had some complicated logic to determine colour, font, borders, alignment and a lot of other props..
Got it done "code was a bit ugly" and dev lead was satisfied and told me I actually knocked out an 8 points story on my own... Team velocity was 5 points story per Dev.
Now im a full time Developer therr1
Week 1 day 3 and 4.
I didn't feel like I did a whole lot yesterday so I just pushed it into today. In the past I tried to program for hours everyday and expect to keep up my stamina for it but it didn't work so this time I'll just take days off every now and then and see if that works at all. Yesterday was one of those, the only thing I did was watch some videos on OOP and practice some more with OOP and recursion.
As far as today goes I started sketching our the ideas for my own personal app I hope to develop once I get the skill set. I tried to focus on looking at it not just from the perspective of a developer but also a user and a marketer to see vialibity and such but I have a LONG time to go before I can get my idea rolling. I decided to push starting the actual course until tomorrow because Ina small questionnaire before you go into it it asks if you're familliar with threading and networking, which I am not. So that was my main focus today, expanding my base Java skill set. If any Android Devs can give from their experience want I need to know I would love that but other than that I feel pretty good about what I did today.
Had someone mention adding tasks to stories in our sprint mid-sprint is messing up the sprint statistics... Can someone explain to me how one is supposed to know every task and approximately how long it will take to complete for a given story before even opening the code base up?
This is currently my major gripe with agile / scrum. How exactly you're supposed to instinctively know the solution to a complicated problem, as well as the steps to implement it, the approximate time it'll take, AND roadblocks you'll run into on DAY ONE? WHAT?
Too often does a 2 point story turn into a 5 point story because deep down it was a more complicated problem than originally thought, and a good scrum developer is supposed to... Either clairvoyantly known that or just allocate hours into unrelated tasks?
Someone help me out here
Go to read a story about quantifying growth as a developer....article errors out....
Time do do some growing.
My first Rant/Story
One year ago I was told I'll be working on a Magento 2 project.
I was told it's great you'll see it's so much better then Magento 1 (at that time I didn't even know what Magento is or what it's used for).
Now one year later, a day doesn't pass that I don't discover something new in it to hate. Every day there is something new that doesn't make any sense at all. But I found my way to live with it.. at least it isn't boring haha
Just finished building a new Linux workstation that my company bought me! That Ryzen 2700X is just ridiculously fast! I'm not talking about irrelevant FPS benchmarks on some hip game...
I'm talking about compile time for the Linux kernel and buildroot!
Long story short, is about 5x my previous workstation with a Xeon 3.
Now I wanna get my hands on a 32 threadripper for my personal computer!!1
I spend few hours last Friday debugging piece of code I wrote. It was based on working code, also authored by me. It was stuff for sending some data to transmitter, all in Python, nothing horrible or tough.
I wasn't able to understand, why older piece of code works (e.g. data are transmitted) and newer don't even when function bodies were same (I was desperate, so I copied-pasted my own working function there). Both function were in same file, bot syntactically correct, newer one was definitely running but still no transmigration from there.
And then it came, enlightenment at Friday afternoon. I forgot to actually push my prepared packet to radio. Older one was encapsulated in transmitter function and newer one wasn't. I was so focused on possible error in packet creation I forgot to send it?! Seriously?! Unfortunately yes.
Moral of the story? When debugging something, try step back (or up in my case) for a while.
Reminds me of some social network sites that I'm still reading for the first time messages posted years ago before the user died..
Yes, (some OR one) sites are that easy to find unread material !
Today, I found a bad bug. I fixed it and tried to understand what happened there. Story description was ok, dev was done on time, review performed (1/3 of the time needed to developed), testers were happy: story was DONE.
I feel uneasy as all protocols had been respected, and still, the code was bad and features were broken :(
today I learned how to license a git hub project have I finally made it to intermediate developer?
------if Ur interested in a little something I did just for fun--------
It started when life caught me off guard. It was one of those transition moment when you realized you are no longer a college student and you need to get a job.
I was clueless that time (still clueless - smh) that I didn't prepare my CV nor interviews. I got into panic mode and ask help from career service in my college (I rarely ask for help, and when I did that, I am really desperate).
Long story short, I got a job from the career service's connection. I don't think I did well in both the interview and technical test (of course, no prep or whatsoever, what do you expect?) but seems like we both in need of each other (maybe because my grades when I was in college is good... and maybe because my starting salary is low enough... and maybe because there was no better candidate at that moment) that I get picked.3
doesn't matter how early you wake up the speed of traffic is the same.... Night time however is a different story1
When you are leading in updating a product to the latest version of a framework, what allows the integration of webpack into it, and so also allows the usage of babel, what allows the usage of ES6 syntax.
Another twisty story that came to mind is the fact that 2 years ago i was an intern. Interning at the company Im working now and I just signed a contract for undecided (full)time as a medior dev (yes i only have 2 years of experience but i guess they like me 🙃)
Right now I am the one person (almost) everyone in the company turns to and somehow I almost always know the answer.
Most amazing thing is I never try a d tell the answer straight up, but make them figure the solution out on their own so they dont ask me the next time 😇
#Warning really long post incoming and not sure if it can be considered a rant
My first job as a dev started 3 months ago and I noticed something strange/funny.
Here's the story our company is a software development one (we are aprox 300 employees), and most of our projects (70% more or less) are for a huge Insurance company in our country, a somewhat normal situation is that the company sends a dev to work full time at the insurance company for 6 months or a year (that usually is a lie and they spend 3 years or more there).
The funny part is this every Dev that is send there is mocked by everyone or receives condolences from the other devs.
I asked why and they just answered me that working as a dev in a really big company whose line of business isn't necessarily software or something related with technology is not a fun experience1
I have never felt better after my break-up, I think today is the day I can say I have moved on and the only thing that saved me was programming. Working on a big project and dedicating most of the time working hard. Every time I solved a bug or added a feature I felt better, felt proud of myself. My self-esteem has improved drastically. And continuously winning in 3 big hackathon events acted as a cherry on top. Now when I look back at the old version of me I find how funny it was, all that drama and mood swings. If I could go back in time I would tell myself just one thing - "Do programming like anything and become so good at it that you don't get time to give fucks to anyone else in life".
Moral of the story - "Love programming you will learn how to love yourself "2
Short Story, !rant:
I'm a java dev looking into php and laravel to be able to contribute to webtrees, an online genealogy software.
Feels odd, because last time I had contact with PHP was 4.x.
But nice to see similar concepts, eg handlers instead of controllers, conventions, decent IDEs like phpStorm.
So, anyone interested in helping out?
PO: "Remember guys, protect your scope!"
.. moments later, after the PO meeting..
PO: "I want you to do user story x but I want it changed this way"
*pling* notification: PO changed jira story
*I work on it for a few hours*
me: "Is this what you wanted?"
PO: "Yeah, actually I made up my mind. I want you to implement it totally different and scrap what you added now"
me: "Thanks for wasting my time bro"
.. a few hours later, mid-coding..
PO: "Uh, yeah, changed my mind. The way you did it now is ok, but I want something else added"
*3 iterations of the same crap later*
me: "Sigh, make up your minds!"5
In banking industry it brings up security concerns. We were in the exact same situation, however using SAS+SPDE with some custom SAS and tsql queries. Our database was merely 100TB, still it was a nightmare to assure stable performance thoroughly, because SPDE could not properly handle SMT. After having 24h++ daily flow processing times, the managers have decided to rent a 6 years old IBM power 7 with dedicated processor cores, which eventually have truncated the processing time down to 15 hours. This was a time limited contract, for 6 months. I've left the company in a short while, but this made the managers to rethink buying a more up to date server, so now the daily processing flows now are around 11,5h. Long story short, sometimes a little architecture optimization does the trick.
Been working on this webapp for ~1 year, and it's finally up and running! :D
If any of you would like to review it I would be flattered u.u14
Opengenus talks about how his honesty bit him in his ass and I'd like to expound further on the topic.
You have to remember, honesty is rarely rewarded.
My motto is LLAMF, a powerful tool for success.
Like a buddhist mantra, I chant it every morning as I'm getting out of bed.
If you look around you'll see this wherever you turn your head. On the news? People lying like a mothafuka for their job. People selling something on tv? Billboard? internet? Lying like a mothafuka. People in fancy suits with fancy pieces of cloth tied around their neck to tell you who the master holding their dog leash is? "I did not kill that hooker", "We have to sign the law to know whats in it", "These ratfuck starving terrorhobos huddled inside a cave out in buttfuck nowhere, saudi arabia? They made a nuclear bomb!". Lying..like a mothafuka.
And all of them have careers, or jobs, or some cause, or principles they 'believe' in. Or nation they 'serve'. Or any other justification, any other *excuse*. But really thats all it is.
In this great big universe, you didn't exist for billions, possibly trillions of years, and now you do, for a brief span, and then afterward, you'll cease to exist (maybe, who knows what happens after death?), for more billions or trillions of years.
Put on that scale, no utterance out of your mouth *can* or *will* ever really truly matter. at all.
I say, go nuts for donuts.
Did you know I was almost a billionaire? TRUE STORY.
Did you know I once told a guy in a turtle neck sweater about this great new idea for portable phones. His name was steve jobs. TRUE STORY.
Did you know I cowrote a canticle for leibowitz? TRUE STORY.
Did you know I'm a mothafuking time traveler? TRUE STORY.
Napoleon said "Imagination Rules The World". Of course he also said a bunch of other things, mostly (all) in french. I don't speak french. But why live in ordinary reality when countless others do? Why not live in a world all your own making, and let people believe whatever the hell you tell them? Why not be the most interesting person in the room? Or the most obnoxious, but hey, at least no one can say you didn't try!
Lie to me. You know I love it when you do.
My favorite lie I tell to *myself*, every morning. Like zen. "I'm gonna do something great one day."
And it keeps me going, keeps me high.
Whats your favorite kinda lie?5
Myself a few months into my new role.
I attend the Christmas work event (free bar) and got super drunk. I go the toilet for a piss...
During that time I strike up a conversation with the dude stood next to me and to cut a long story short I end up betting, stake defined, hand shook that the company we both work for will fail within two years due to some governmental reforms I knew little about.
Turns out the dude happens to be one of the board members. Its big company 100's of employees.
There were other employees in the toilet at the time too not 30 minutes later and everyone knew what I'd said. It was rather embarrassing I almost didn't turn up the Monday following.
Not my proudest moment, but thankfully I wasn't fired. Its been 1.8 years... I and still work there.1
Me: hey, I noticed we are doing this weird stuff in 'platform A' can we file a story to fix this.
Dev: It must be legacy code or library implementation before my time. By the way it's the same in platform B.
Me: yeah, we will need to fix that too.
Dev: tell you what. For now let's keep our platforms uniform we will fix it when platform B is fixed.
Welcome everyone... to the new chicken egg problem. Where even bugs are needed to be uniform across platforms.1
This is not dev related but oh man after 2.5 years i heard back from them that they apologize and so i apologize them back for being rude. So here goes the story:
It was my first time visiting my father in law's aunt by myself for some specific reason that i forgot (perhaps maybe about fixing her son's motorcycle, but im not sure). Short story, when the job's done i was invited to dinner and they came out about all of their food is organic, i asked why. And they answer they didn't like chemical processed food, then i instantly said somethings like : "well do you put Natrium(Sodium in english) Hydrogen Carbonate in my cake?" And they looked a bit irritated and said "of course not, i wouldn't.why would i poisoned you" And i replied "hahaha i was messing with yall, but yeah i think you put NaHCO3 hahaha" And i instantly got kicked out. And i haven't heard them back until now. And they figured it out it was Baking Powder. It's not directly to me tho, they sent their apologize thru my mom. But still. I haven't laugh a lot for a while 🤣4
!rant but it's a history
Last months I've been working on an investigation for an assignment on my uni. I required to collect specific data, so I coded an app to aid me on that. Time goes by and one day my mobile development teacher calls me (I used the app for my investigation and as final project on another subject) and tells me if I want to go into a contest with my app, "Why not?" I thought.
I asked some friends to join me because the contest required a team of 3 members minimum. In two days I had to justify the development of my app, how I would make money with it and other stuff.
I swear, this app was just a by-product, and I know you're hoping to hear a win story... We got second place, but hell it feels good to think that some sleepless nights coding along could give back so much.
Moral of the story: Never give up any chance.2
I started programming pretty young, launched many small businesses (from gaming to eCommerce, nothing really successful), by the time I got to my engineering school to get my CS degree, I already had a good knowledge base and I was way advanced than the other students, I even could learn faster alone compared to having a teacher and fixed hourly classes. But now after graduating, I become a developer at a startup (a story for another day), I totally lost my motivation to learn, to programme and to start side projects. Maybe it's become boring or maybe I just hate being an employe.
Did you ever feel that way?3
Paid brain.js for some time already because it is so awesome that I feel bad not to.
Then this is a random day that I want to know more about the back story of it, turns out the original author @harthur had such a bad experience on the open source world.
Double-downing on this is that she singlehandedly made 3 of my most favourite packages which is too cute to forget since Node.js has came about.
My gawd, what have people done?2
Story of getting an error :
We thought of an idea and starts to implement it on any language to make the idea work BUT according to the universal law, first code is all about errors.
We tend to solve all those but some errors remains there.
After trying for some time, we pause there and got busy in other stuffs.
After a day or two, when we are busy in something
Suddenly our mind stuck with the solution of that error and we proceed to build rest of the code.
If that error doesn't showed up, what would happen
> Time saved
> Code completed
BUT after in process of solving that error we goes through so many things that actually we learned so many things apart from that error.
SO THANKS TO THE ERROR FOR TEACHING SO MANY THINGS :)
Not really a story about getting hacked, more like a story about my stupidity lol.
I had a friend whom at the time was taking a Computer Science course. And I had the basic daily-use computer knowledge, aka almost none. I was also very naive.
We were playing Maple Story and suddenly everytime I wrote something in the chat a 0 would appear in between some letters. I honestly thought he was messing around with my computer because earlier he had sent me a file through MSN.
So I told him several times to stop and he insisted that he wasn't doing anything.
A few minutes later, when I was finally able to stop laughing, I looked down to the keyboard and realized that the 0 key was stuck... I began laughing even harder.
So I've sent emails to a couple of people (some of which I found on devRant) that were offering work. Typed a small story about myself and why I'd love to take the work.
No reply whatsoever.
Like, I get it if you don't want me, completely understand that, but how hard is it to let me know that.
Like c'mon guys, don't be a dick.
Disclaimers: I got the email address right, they did not land in my spam or whatever since I did receive an email from them in an earlier part of the correspondence. I did give them (what is in my opinion) a reasonable time to respond. They also didn't die or something since they are still active here...2
Has anybody experience with Scrum in small web development agencies? Especially estimating stories with story points instead of hours/days?
We have a new junior project manager, without any practical experience working agile, who wants to establish scrum because what he read about it sounded so good... I already worked agile with kanban before and I loved it, but I only have little experience with scrum.
I think scrum, or agile in general, won't work with the clients we have. Most of the time, our clients have a fixed deadline, a fixed budget (either money or time) and they know their requirements, so there is no much room for beeing agile.
Regarding story points, I just adding an unneccessary layer of abstraction, because the customer wants to know how long a specific feature takes. Sure, story points are just another, more dynamic unit for time, but then why nut estimate in static time unit in the first place? Another fear I have, is that some devs may be more ignorant regarding deadlines and expectations on customers side. "yeah I'm working for 10 days on this story, but it's 8 points!" instead of informing the project manager "Currently I spend 2 days on this feature, we estimated 3 days, but it seems I need 3 days more".
Maybe I shouldn't be worried, but it would be great if you could share your experience and learnings. Thanks in advance!14
Week 1 Day 2
Today was an eye opener. Tried to make a simple class to model a fraction, and forgot pretty much everything. I realized it's been close to one and a half years since I did any serious programming. All I did today was spend a few hours going over all of the basics, and double/triple checking my OOP skills. Tomorrow I plan on familiarizing myself with Android studios and Android device basics. The day after I'll start the actual curriculum. Still feeling really good about all of this and hopefully it'll stay that way.
There were times I used to list sites who uses get requests to perform operations . Then I wrote a web interface to get params from users and sent it to those sites via URL .
Times when i did not know what an API is .
What's your story?
Just what is life
1st I love developing Web Apps
2nd I hate when it has bugs (Always does Everyone does)
3rd More hate for Security related bugs
So I started bug hunting so that even I can make developers hurt I thought I might find peace here
But here we fucking have SQL Injections which are not really that bad easy peasy
But we also have special kind of SQL Injections the Boolean Based ones (Medium Level Demons) and also The Time Based SQL Injections (Medium Level Demon with lots of health consumes too much time has a repetitive process and we have to wait a lot also if you have network lag you are doomed)
No its nice story till here but here it fucking ends the happiness I mean my luck is worst kind of fucking thing anybody ever can have.
I got a mix of both Demons;_;
A Time-Based Boolean SQL Injections yess fuckety amounts of fucking time wasted and redundant fucking process also to make matters worst the fucking famous tool #SQLMAP doesn't work in my case
Any word for feeling happy, stressed and accomplished all together at a time?
Story - Solved a major bug after digging into decompiled code stepping into each line for almost a day and half and later figuring that it requires just one line of change?
Alright I know what you’re thinking. “Bubbles, again? You’re doin this aga-“ yes I am.
As some of you that tune into my rants on the daily should know, I have the tendency to want to LEARN and just throw my thoughts in here cause you all understand me more than most people. WELL IM BACK AT IT AGAIN, and with the anxiety of when to do things.
I’ve been preparing my C# skills for a job and currently working on projects (one at a time) to put in a portfolio and just help me learn by making cool things. BUT I also have books I want to go through and read to teach myself C and Security stuff which is spread out in three different books. But I don’t want it to seem like I haven’t put my time in with C# and took my time with it. And I just idk when a good time to transition into all that. Which I feel like after a few more C# projects I’ll be okay. Then go through those books in the order I have chosen.
I get a lot of enjoyment out of watching people on YouTube program and talk about what they’re doing. Idk if that’s just me.
I feel like I’ve been making some real progress on my project though. I’m quite proud of myself
I also have a small story saved for tomorrow so stay tuned for a barely entertaining short story
I hope yall have a great day
I suppose a lot of you guys use the app TVShow Time to track your series.. but you probably don't know that TVShow Time, at the beginning of his story, hack betaseries and use his API to spam menbers by asking them to switch to TVShow Time.
Not cool TVShow Time.. not cool !
Source (in french) : http://bit.ly/1W0b66B
That time my then employer decided to build an ERP system but was unable to fund the process, long story short delayed salaries, low morale, everyone on the team leaving, sad times
How does your organisation and team balance PR comments demanding changes and dev time?
Here, while fixing PR comments we sometimes end up wasting as much time as we took in actually developing the feature... As a result, almost every major user story overshoots the estimation and almost every sprint gets delayed.
Yes, to each his own; but talking in general, why do you think this time wasting happens?
Do you think that happens because some of us are not as experienced as the others, the existing code not being up to the mark giving a bad example, or just a skewed review process?2