Q. A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.

A. They left because they couldn't find a table.

You are all beautiful people. Thank you for your unique mix of talents to make for a variety filled platform. I have come to appreciate different parts of the industry due to exposure on this site. It is great to joke around and just "be" here. No pressure, just banter and the occasional fighting. I think this is a good thing. I hope this place grows.

Remember, you are important and awesome in your own way.

Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit

Great use of resources you chucklefucks

When your IDE pulls a Stannis Baratheon on your ass when committing.

Ask yourself as you plan the meeting:

1. Is an email a better solution to this?

If the answer is yes, plz just send the fucking email. Else, try and find a way to make it an email instead. If all else fails then yeah go ahead and have your stupid meeting.

The management wants to add gamification to our b2b app and our app is not yet officially out... Yay priorities

I will never make a backend in C# ever again.

Just look at this bullshit:

official docks, PAGES long: https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/...

confused devs running rampant: https://stackoverflow.com/questions...

absolute total GARBAGE

literally ANY other language or framework, you set an env file and you fuck off. of course microsoft has to make the most convoluted pile of shit horse shit fuck shit that confuses everyone. i shouldn't have to pray to the dev gods every time i spin off a staging or production build that my environment variables are set correctly

GOD

Was part of a meeting where the TL was discussing ideas for a product based on a new technology, I had read and played a bit with it myself so added a few cents, here is what unfolded:

TL: Great that u know abt this why don't you build a poc.
Me: It's simple to get this poc working, but how will we monetize this?
TL: You don't worry abt that, build a poc.
Me the next day: Here is the poc you asked for.
TL: Great so this can work let's release a basic version soon, so any ideas on how we will monetize this?

Types of fear:
1. Gross-out: you come back home and get attacked by an army of centipedes.
2. Horror: you come back home and get attacked by an alligator.
3. Terror: you come back home and realize that every single object was replaced by an exact copy.

Every time I rant here I'm waiting to see if my employer will find them. Yet here I am another day having not been had.

I'll take the small wins

Happy new year!

Me : Hey Azure, I have a problem with "this" blade in Azure portal. It's not working

Azure : Disable your adblock

Me : NO

Waiting next response

I have to add an endpoint to integrate an API and I want to vomit when I think about this major security issue they introduce.

What type of prehistoric dumbass thought GET requests with username and password in the query parameters is a good idea to burden your partner with.

Best decision: becoming self-employed.

Worst decision: not doing it 5 years earlier.

That feeling when you are on call and a report comes in of a feature not working correctly for a system you know nothing about. Sure, I’ll dig in a bit and troubleshoot before throwing over the fence. Hmm, feature was never coded - not in a shelve-set or branch…just never done. Was supposed to be done over a year ago I’m told. Humanity is too sick to survive.

Cursed changes

Boss: Our customer's data is not syncing with XYZ service anynmore!

Me: Ok let me check. Did the tokens not refresh? Hmm the tokens are refreshing fine but the API still says that we do not have permissions. The scopes are fine too. I'll use our test account... its... cancelled? Hey boss, why is our XYZ account cancelled?

Boss: Oh, "I haven’t paid since I didn’t think we needed it" (ad verbatim)

😐

Interviewer: Time limit for this exercise was an hour and you took 2 hours so you fail. Best of luck next time

Dev: Look I really don’t think your assessment has a very fair time limit. The only way you could do this in an hour is by knowing what the problem was beforehand and having all these niche utilities written ahead of time.

Interview: Oh yeah we had one guy that did that, he did the entire thing in only 45 minutes! We hired him immediately!

Dev: …

Me every friday night working on another 'great idea for a website'.

I hired a guy on upwork. His english is shit. But hes done the work correctly. Fast forward today he asked me "off topic question but do u have any female friend who can accompany me to fuck?"

WTF IS THIS SHIT

That is not professional AT ALL. I dont give a shit about the fact he cant get no bitches so hes begging me as if im some kind of a pimp. On upwork?? Gtfo.

Now i understand why companies want to hire only people with college DEGREES because they have went through the process of conforming and dont ask stupid shit questions. Eliminates a lot of bullshit and Neanderthals like this guy

Ffs

Good one😂

If archaeologists from 1000 years in the future find a fossilized copy of your code? What would they think about it?

Regex would definitely classify as alien manufacture.

Employed developers:
"Don't release on Friday"

Open source community:
"Don't release on Sunday"

Management has been promising we'd leave .NET framework for 2 years now. Never fucking happens. A new ASP.NET project was just started last week and yup, OF COURSE, its .NET Framework 4.8.

I'd even be happy with one of the earlier .NET Core versions at this point for fucks sake. I have no clue why tech leads are so happy to create a brand new project on a deprecated framework version.

And yes, I have checked thoroughly. Our whole infrastructure works with .NET Core onward. People are just too lazy to learn new stuff.

Stuff like switching to .NET 6, actually doing unit testing, improving our CI/CD pipeline, refactoring problematic codebases, etc. -> all this stuff is the kind of things they promise me I can work on later whenever I'm so bogged down with work that I'm looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. All empty promises.

Ideally we should be on .NET 6 since its LTS and just stay on the LTS versions as the year goes on.

Ever since I learned to mute my phone and set all communicator apps to “Unavailable” for a weekend, I am a much happier person :)

I started turning up here cause I find it very relieving to rant about my problems and know that people are indeed listening. bless y’all.

nearly cried.

I had been working on this file for the last 4 or so hours.

And accidentally deleted it with NerdTree (mdy).

300 loc. poof.

scoured internet for recovery procedure.

and.......
... to no avail. just about to give up.

here comes the climax: .....

It was stillllll...... in the NEOVIM. BUFFER.
vim got my back.

praise you vim lord.

#vim_pope

Someone had a question on teams about a circular dependency warning they were getting. They found a work around that would allow it. Someone else responded with this

i was having a really hard time because there was no record of changes in code, the boys would communicate changes in private and I'd spend hours trying to figure out why i couldn't compile. when i asked my boss that they put that info somewhere, he said it was unnecessary and that it always worked that way before i came. ofc it worked, it was 2 guys coding. i couldn't work properly and everything took forever to sort, no one tried to help. i went to hr and they just told me i was right and that i had to be patient. i quit soon after

My biggest fear is that if I start to take my meds y'all will disappear...