I know this is starting to get old, but...

"It's not a bug, it's a feature"
Microsoft, since 1975

Some developers need this book.

Still find this amusing years later...

yes, you know what it is...

"Hey Dad, what did you guys do before we all had self driving cars?"
"Well we just drove them ourselves"
"Wow, and no one died that way?"
"Haha oh no, millions of people died son"

I once worked at a really messy project that is best described as one gigant big bug. The CEO asked me how long it would take to fix it. At that point nobody knew since the code was a mess and new directives came all the time. So I answered that I sincerely didn't know. He responded angered with "How couldn't you know. When I read a book I know exactly how long it takes."... I quit

An essential helper function for any project.

- Hey, have you heard of devRant?
- Look I have been a developer for more than 20 years; new IDEs, editors, languages or whatever that is, appear every week and they all just die. I'm sticking to my guns and nothing you can say can convince me to even look at this devCrap or whatever it is.
- Oooooookay...
#devCrap

Company is about to move. Fellow developer jokes on a general meeting that people should delete stuff on their computer to make then easier to transport.

I'm not sure everyone got the joke....

When my client asks why we can't code to avoid bugs on delivery

About two years ago I get roped into a something when someone was requesting an $8000 laptop to run an "program" that they wrote in Excel to pull data from our mainframe.

In reality they are using our normal application that interacts with the mainframe and screen scrapping it to populate several Excel spreadsheets.

So this guy kept saying that he needed the expensive laptop because he needed the extra RAM and processing power for his application. At the time we only supported 32 bit Windows 7 so even though I told him ten times that the OS wouldn't recognize more than 3.5 GB of RAM he kept saying that increasing the RAM would fix his problem. I also explained that even if we installed the 64 bit OS we didn't have approval for the 64 bit applications.

So we looked at the code and we found that rather than reusing the same workbook he was opening a new instance of a workbook during each iteration of his loop and then not closing or disposing of them. So he was running out of memory due to never disposing of anything.

Even better than all of that, he wanted a faster processor to speed up the processing, but he had about 5 seconds of thread sleeps in each loop so that the place he was screen scrapping from would have time to load. So it wouldn't matter how fast the processor was, in the end there were sleeps and waits in there hard coded to slow down the app. And the guy didn't understand that a faster processor wouldn't have made a difference.

The worst thing is a "dev" that thinks they know what they are doing but they don't have a clue.

"The good thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from." /Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Best quote I find so true. Every day more and more...

My girlfriend keeps dropping hints that I should commit, but I still haven't gotten around to learning to use git.

History is never made by those who use incognito browsers :)

Trying to get this UI pixel perfect

Isn't it funny that an app whose literal express purpose is to whine an complain has turned out to be one of the nicest around?

A legitimate warning from my university's curriculum app

Dem css puns tho.

When a software improvement organization (cough Scrum.org) does this stupid crap with their passwords, causing us all to be pwned.

Sitting in a meeting to argue how many days 1 story point is equal to.

when your busy at home

From a job posting I recently viewed:

"About you: We don't care about years of experience or knowledge of particular technologies, if you have a computer science degree; or a degree at all for that matter."

further down in the same posting...:

"Qualifications:
-MS/BS in Computer Science or related background
-2-3 years of front-end development experience with HTML, CSS, and JavaScript and related JavaScript frameworks such as Backbone, React, or similar technologies"

........

studying computers at a college were
1/4 aim to become a model
1/4 are trying to become photographers
1/4 don't know what's happening yet
1/4 are actually interested in computers
#indianEducationSystem

Css puns.

When you have 9 pull requests that have been sitting in the queue for the past 2 weeks

When the cute new developer next to you might like you, but you find out she doesn't like using Git.

very important before you leave this world..

It takes me longer to write a cover letter than it would to write an app that generates customized cover letters.

Someone is pretty active on github :D