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This will be a long rant.
Met this person through my brother's friend. He wanted a cheap static website with a few products images for his handicraft store. I agreed as it would not take much time. He paid me in full upfront.
I registered the domain and created all the page templates with dummy contents. I uploaded the site under a staging sub-domain and asked him for the contents, but he said he was a bit busy and would give them to me later on.
After almost 2 years, out of nowhere, he got back to me and told me he didn't want that old website anymore but he wanted a new personal website. What shocked me was that he told me that he would only pay me for the domain and space but won't pay me for the website as his pervious work was never complete. I denied straight forward and told him I would keep the 80% amt for my work done but he kept telling me I hadn't done anything except place a few images in some html files. Hahaha, After a few in and out mails I told him I didn't wanted his money and would refund all of it, but this shitty guy had a messed of mind. He started posting messages of my fb wall about how i was a fraud and I had taken his money. Things got intense. I had decided to sue this cheap minded asshole but after my brother's friend convinced me not to and apologized on his behalf. He told me not to worry about it and move on.
Haven't heard from him till now.
Thank you for reading till this far.11
Friend brings over a Windows 8 all in one laptop.
Friend: Can you fix my laptop
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: I thought you worked with computers.
Me: I do... but I'm not tech support
Me: (reluctantly) Fine.
*many hours later after attempting to get the PC to boot from a USB. WHY DOES THIS PC NOT HAVE A KEY TO ENTER THE GOD DAMNED BOOT MENU AND HAS NO BOOT ORDER SELECTION?????!*
Friend: Have you fixed it?
Friend: You suck at computers
Never spoke to him again.8
GIT COMMMIT LOG VERSION 011
4cc7d0d Derp, asset redirection in dev mode
6b6e213 Lock S-foils in attack position
1e44549 I am even stupider than I thought
2f6bec9 You should have trusted me.
891851a To those I leave behind, good luck!
3367d77 Update .gitignore
46d6b0f Merging the merge
b12f6fe First Blood
9151ff4 Finished fondling.
8358c20 c&p fail
bc1e834 magic, have no clue but it works
31bb17a I don't get paid enough for this shit.
7a71610 Stephen rebase plx?
2060661 Copy-paste to fix previous copy-paste
21ac5d2 Handled a particular error.
2dedd90 pam anderson is going to love me.
c3d4c83 omg what have I done?
d38bafd Herping the derp derp (silly scoping error)
e461773 Merge pull request #67 from Lazersmoke/fix-andys-shit Fix andys shit
1faf82b Is there an award for this?
1f6e3f3 Feed. You. Stuff. No time.
6f0097d I'm too old for this shit!
133179e I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
57d9a7c THE MEM TEST FUNCTION YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, IS HERE. SAY THANKS FOR THIS COMMIT MESSAGE
When a programmer is in love,
He doesn't care about the UI, but cares about the algorithm and functionality.
In real life, he care about what is inside, not the physical appearance. :)5
*pointing on IE icon* but does it work on the internet?
Setting my lovely grandma's new router since she now got fiber. Opening Firefox and pages load fast, still had to show that is also worked on "internet" to make her happy2
do we have to use git/version control software? why cant we just mail everyone else the builds at the end of the day?5
I once worked Tech Support for a point of sale software package. There was really no internal help desk, so we got all of those questions as well.
One day our front receptionist that her computer is being really weird and she can't type - it keeps inserting 3s in the middle of what she is typing.
I take the short walk down the hall to her desk and see that, indeed, a never ending string of 3s is being input to her screen.
"I can't figure out what's wrong." she says.
Then I reach over and remove the edge of an open binder whose edge was resting on the 3 key and enter key on the num pad.
"That should fix it."
Walked back to my desk.1
Got a phone call: I got an error, what do I do?
Me: what kind of error?
Her: I closed it.
Me: what did it say?
Her: I don't know, it was a window with "ok" and "cancel"
Me: why didn't you read it?
Her: I don't understand this computer language.
/me dies a little inside.
There is nothing quite as stupid as people who refuse to read their own language as soon as it appears on a screen.
They make those things for a reason.
This happens too often.8
Some office incident reminded me of this old joke,
Boss: Why is the website (platform) offline?
IT Guy: There is a problem with MySQL.
Boss: Oh, then you could change to OurSQL or YourSQL.
This always cracks me up, 😂😂😂
This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*1
Me explaining my project to my teacher -
Me: So all these functions are carried out asynchronously so the user doesn't have to wait much and the whole thing is placed in a web server.
Teacher: Where is the web server located?2
This happened about a month ago with my realtor while she was reading a clause from the lawyer that she needed to put on the offer.
Realtor: hey you're in tech *points at her phone and then on the paper*, can you copy and put it here.
Boss finds new chinese supplier for the lcds we use and tells me to make one work so we can see the new quality. All is good.. the lcd works. But at some point I start seeing some defects. Pretty annoying defects.
Boss tells me to explain the defects to the chinese engineers so that they can either fix it or tell us if we did something wrong. So I do it. I explain everything in detail as one engineer to another.
An hour after I submit the email I get called. The boss is furious that the email is bs. His reasons .. " We are working with cheap-ass chinese. None of their engineers know english. How do you expect anyone to understand all that stuff you said?!"
ffs.. i had to dumb it down to 5th grade english..1
I'd like to give a shoutout to the best tool I ever had when I worked in hardware and had to troubleshoot ethernet. The "RLFLTWKW". (The Really Long Fly Lead That We Know Works)
My friend that I worked with long ago just dug it out of a drawer and sent me a photo so we could remember the days when trying to figure out why Mavis couldn't get on the network anymore could be resolved by our faithful friend "TRLFLTWKW". I miss you buddy. You made life so much better.
I wish I had an equivalent to you for coding.
Happened half a year ago (parents both use Linux although they're very a-techie).
*Dads laptop comes back from store after a repair*
Dad: (on the phone) hello son, could you help me out? they put some weird stuff on my laptop at the repair centre...
Me: Weird stuff? like what?
Dad: It's a virus I think
Me: A virus??
Dad: Definitely a virus!
Me: And what is this virus called?
Dad: Windows 10!
Me: Oh yes coming over asap to get that removed!
I put elementary OS on it again when i went to visit my parents.17
I'm really tired that everyone in my family asks me to fix or help with every fucking thing that has a plug (like telephones or the air conditioner)2
"...OK now if you just open a new tab, you can see the link appears there."
"What's a tab?"
It's going to be a long fucking day.
Well guess what, I was coding with a friend of mine in a café .The waiter took our orders ..glanced at our screens( We were using Linux terminals ..fucking npm I swear) and then a few minutes later the manager comes up and says - ”Sorry ,but I am gonna have to ask you guys to leave " ..We were like wtf man ? Well apparently the staff felt that we were hacking using their WiFi .. God fucking dammit..typing on terminals is not Hacking .14
Rant: I hate when clients complain about sizing so a team member changes my entire heading system just to change header size without going over it with anyone else I. The teach damn if it breaks shit other places or scrapped many hours of mobile testing, even better then changed class names some places ignoring our frame work and breaking mobile.
This was not a client but my CEO himself. The website of the company was supposed to be made responsive. So, during the design phase I was explaining how how events should not be used to display ideal information as hover don't exist in touch devices. To this, he says, "Why don't you create something so that when the user has his hand over the phone(like an inch above, but not touched), it treats it like a hover".
The worst part is I still don't know if he was kidding or not!8
I let my wife use my laptop for a minute. She closed all my tabs and I can't restore them. Our love died inside a little today.9
This one was from my Tech Lead, She had to update phone number of a customer in Database on production server. And guess what she forgot 'WHERE'. Next we were facing each other with poker face. :|
p.s: fortunately we had backup of just 4 hours back. Still we lost data of about 100 people.4