Love the algo..

GCC is like an Indian mother, it keeps telling so many things irrelavant for me, when I do a mistake.

Failed!

Don't you love those LinkedIn recruiters? So professional ...

Just joined a skype meeting:

Me (software engineer): Am I audible?
Product Manager: Am I audible to you?
Business Development Manager: Hey guys, Am I audible?

After 30 minutes:
Me: Hey guys, Am I audible?
Product Manager: Am I audible to you?
Business Development Manager: Am I audible, guys?

cant control my laugh hahah.....

seriously man, how do u do that

It counts?

Today, I have a meeting with my managers. I’m going to demand more work and higher pay.

Wish me luck

Found the guy with the best commit history. That also goes on for hundreds of pages.

Coworker in my team recently said to boss:

"Thanks, this conversation with you has taught me so much about single-threaded blocking I/O"

Some random PR comments from our company's repository:

"Are you insured? I hope you are insured"

"Learning git is not that difficult. You only need one command: git reset --hard"

*Link to amazon for dog poop bags*
"Please clean up your shit, before I step in it"

"Have you thought about a career in sales? At least there you might sell your bullshit"

And devRant too :P

Management : "How long you think it would take?"

Me : "now this is a rough estimate, but I think building the back-end and database alone could take 6-months minimum"

Management : "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS"

me : "its a big proj..."

Management : "I thought it will be something like 10 days, already told the client it can be done"

me : "but we are not ready"

Management : "how are we not ready? we already have the virtual 3D shop, and we can use this ready-to-deploy eCommerce service as our data base "
... "you need to figure this out, this is not acceptable" he continued

* 2 Days Later -talking to my direct boss *
Boss : "since you don't know how to do it..."

me : "what ? I didn't say I can't do it, all I said it will take six months"

Boss : "yeah yeah, anyway there is this studio, a professional polish studio, we called them and they can do it, we will sign a contract with them, this will let you focus on the front-end. good?"

me : "well alright then"

Boss : "please write a doc, explaining everything needed from the backend"
-to me that was the end of it, took a long time to tell me they made the deal-

* 5 Months later *
- "Abdu, can you come here for a minute..."
- "yes boss?"
- "the document we asked you to do for the Polish studio, did you specify that we needed an integration with the API we are using for eCommerce?"

scared to death I answered : "why of course I did!"
I ran to my PC to check it out because I didn't know, I forgot because no one even comment on my doc. I check it out, and it was clearly explained... I got relaxed...

turns out they didn't even do what we asked them for. took them 5 months, and with no communication whatsoever. all their work was useless to us. complete dump waste.

----------------
never mentioned this until a year later... in a heat of moment when they were asking me to make an impossible task with no men and no time... I reminded them of this story... management didn't like it. but it was the truth. they didnt push this crazily this time

Git makes it easy to search through historical changes they said. Git is amazing when working in teams they said.

It sure is.

If your coworkers do not commit every time they burp or fart, do not use "🚀" or "✨" or "fix" as a commit message, and do not push all their shitty experimental broken branches without cleaning up.

I'm surprised there are no piles of fecal matter behind their desk chairs.

Want to take your open office plan to the next level? Double the efficiency of your space by having two employees per standing desk.

Thats how it's Done!!!

xD

Code: *Exists*
TSLint Nibbas:

Today i've met a big customer of our company

He was absolute friendly and gave me clear requirements without oppositions...

Then I woke up.

So true ! I've literally seen this happen so many times 😂

Contributor badge 👍

Me to librarian: can you please help me find "self help books"?

Librarian: NO!

Dope

Finally I could get the correct computer :)

Just missing the raised arm for the screens instead of desk stands

(ok,my real desk is not transparent but it was to cool to not take ;) )

Well played Google Assistant...

All jokes aside, get over it...

Why though?

There's a fine line in stack overflow.
If you ask something too complicated, nobody will answer it.
However if it's too easy, you got downvoted immediately.🤔

Project Manager comments on all my on-going tickets "any updates?"

And the project manager gets awarded "most productive"

While the tickets I've been assigned can't be closed in just a day

smh

Wtf!
This is the github version of "Nothing" android app. 😑

My co-worker committed his gmail password today.