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Search - "ha"
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So, this random teen on subway asked me if it was 9GAG I was scrolling [i was on this app ofc]. I said it's better than 9GAG.
He went on like this "oh cool, does it have the the NSFW section too?"
...
Me: a...No, but can learn coding stuff
Him: hacking?
Me: hacking is not what you thin... [He interrupted me]
Him: Damn cool, I wanna learn hacking, it's my stop nice meeting you tell me the name of the app
Me: a...9...ha...ck, 9hack!
Him: cool, thanks. [Gets off]
(Um...Some people just don't deserve DevRant, if you know what I mean)30 -
Me: *busy doing dev stuff with my laptop*
Sis: *looks at my to-do stickies* Hey, what's Log4j?
Me: *without looking away from my screen* it's a library.
Sis: oh, cool! Where is it? Do you have a membership?
Me: Ha-Ha. This is going on devRant.2 -
#thread
Any Home Assistant fans out there? Got myself a RPi3 a few months ago and got hooked on HA, because of the huge product support and great community. Didn't find any dashboards that I liked so created my own, written in JS, fully customisable and support for most if not all kinds of gadgets. The purpose was to have something easy to use for the whole family, on a wall-mounted tablet. What do you guys think?
Anyways, has anyone done some cool home automations/scripting? Would love to hear about it!77 -
A big FUCK YOU to everyone who called me a nerd in high school.
Who's earning more now? Ha!
Jokes on you!
But seriously, I didn't realise intelligence is highly appreciated until I started working as a developer. 🤑5 -
"Aah, time to make a new Android app"
*starts Android Studio*
AS: "Yo yo yo, before you proceed, update all these 512 things in your SDK"
*creates a new Activity*
AS: "Nuh uh, this shit won't work without this, install it"
*runs app on emulator*
AS: "Hoooold your horses, you need to install this, and this, and update this and this.. oh and also that"
*emulator finally runs, app crashes*
AS: "Ohh, ha ha, oopsies, your Gradle config is also screwed up, change every dependency to the newest version and then update them all"
*config finally done, runs again*
AS: "Umm, I am too lazy to sync it myself, so you must press the nice big button on top to sync it"
"Fuck this"
*closes Android Studio*
AS: "WAAAIT WAIT, before you go, a new Android update just showed up, you must upd..."
*alt+f4*5 -
Manager: I can’t believe you use Linux, that is such an outdated operating system. You need to get with the times and move to a more modern one like Windows or Mac. Literally NOBODY uses Linux anymore, do you still go to Blockbuster Video too? Ha!
Dev: …
I’m starting to realize that 80% of my job is resisting the urge to punch this guy in the face. Thanks goodness for remote work.33 -
This is kind of a horror story, with a happing ending. It contains a lot of gore images, and some porn. Very long story.
TL;DR Network upgrade
Once upon a time, there were two companies HA and HP, both owned by HC. Many years went by and the two companies worked along side each one another, but sometimes there were trouble, because they weren't sure who was supposed to bill the client for projects HA and HP had worked on together.
At HA there was an IT guy, an imbecile of such. He's very slow at doing his job, doesn't exactly understand what he's doing, nor security principles.
The IT guy at HA also did some IT work for HP from time to time when needed. But he was not in charge of the infrastructure for HP, that was the jobb for one developer who didn't really know what he was doing either.
Whenever a new server was set up at HP, the developer tried many solutions, until he landed on one, but he never removed the other tested solutions, and the config is scattered all around. And no documentation!!
Same goes with network, when something new was added, the old was never removed or reconfigured to something else.
One dark winter, a knight arrived at HP. He had many skills. Networking, server management, development, design and generally a fucking awesome viking.
This genius would often try to cleanse the network and servers, and begged his boss to let him buy new equipment to replace the old, to no prevail.
Whenever he would look in the server room, he would get shivers down his back.
(Image: https://i.bratteng.xyz/Ie9x3YC33C.j...)
One and a half year later, the powerful owners in HA, HP and HC decided it was finally time to merge HA and HP together to HS. The knight thought this was his moment, he should ask CEO if he could be in charge of migrating the network, and do a complete overhault so they could get 1Gb interwebz speeds.
The knight had to come up with a plan and some price estimates, as the IT guy also would do this.
The IT guy proposed his solution, a Sonicwall gateway to 22 000 NOK, and using a 3rd party company to manage it for 3000 NOK/month.
"This is absurd", said the knight to the CEO and CXO, "I can come up with a better solution that is a complete upgrade. And it will be super easy to manage."
The CEO and CXO gave the knight a thumbs up. The race was on. We're moving in 2 months, I got to have the equipment by then, so I need a plan by the end of the week.
He roamed the wide internet, looked at many solutions, and ended up with going for Ubiquiti's Unifi series. Cheap, reliable and pretty nice to look at.
The CXO had mentioned the WiFi at HA was pretty bad, as there was WLAN for each meeting room, and one for the desks, so the phone would constantly jump between networks.
So the knight ended up with this solution:
2x Unifi Securtiy Gateway Pro 4
2x Unifi 48port
1x Unifi 10G 16port
5x Unifi AP-AC-Lite
12x pairs of 10G unifi fibre modules
All with a price tag around the one Sonicwall for 22 000 NOK, not including patch cables, POE injectors and fibre cables.
The knight presented this to the CXO, whom is not very fond of the IT guy, and the CXO thought this was a great solution.
But the IT guy had to have a say at this too, so he was sent the solution and had 2 weeks to dispute the soltion.
Time went by, CXO started to get tired of the waiting, so he called in a meeting with the knight and the IT guy, this was the IT guys chance to dispute the solution.
All he had to say was he was familiar with the Sonicwall solution, and having a 3rd party company managing it is great.
He was given another 2 weeks to dispute the solution, yet nothing happened.
The CXO gave the thumbs up, and the knight orders the equipment.
At this time, the knight asks the IT guy for access to the server room at HA, and a key (which would take 2 months to get sorted, because IT guys is a slow imbecile)
The horrors, Oh the horrors, the knight had never seen anything like this before.
(Image: https://i.bratteng.xyz/HfptwEh9qT.j...)
(Image: https://i.bratteng.xyz/HfptwEh9qT.j...)
(Image: https://i.bratteng.xyz/hmOE2ZuQuE.j...)
(Image: https://i.bratteng.xyz/4Flmkx6slQ.j...)
What are all these for, why is there a fan ductaped to on of the servers.
WHAT IS THIS!
Why are there cables tied in a knot.
WHY!
These are questions we never will know the answers too.
The knight needs access to the servers, and sonicwall to see how this is configured.
After 1.5 month he gains access to the sonicwall and one of the xserve.
What the knight discovers baffles him.
All ports are open, sonicwall is basically in bridge mode and handing out public IPs to every device connected to it.
No VLANs, everything, just open...10 -
Sexist prick alert!
So wearing my summer dress and generally all dolled up for a massive work summer party I hear from one of the devs from a remote location that "wow, I do not look like a developer" and "I look like I should have things explained to me at a high overview ha-ha-ha" but it was "a compliment" so me getting pissed was "overreacting" and I "should calm down"
Sorry but no.
Please do not ever say anything like that to any female developer, even if you mean it "as a compliment" (that sounds like.. you know.. like you're saying women generally prefer make up to thinking)
That's lame af if you ask me57 -
Friend asked me, "How does it feel being the CTO of a startup?"
Me: "I feel like the main character in one of those cartoons where train, going full speed, is running out of rail road, so he takes rails from behind the train and puts them in front. And the entire thing is on fire. And everyone you hire is trying to put it out with gasoline."
Friend: "Doesn't your CEO help?"
Me: "Well... He had never seen a train before, and he thought they operate on magic and wishful thinking. And he never realized they need rail track to even run. So... not really"
Friend: "So, it's pretty bad, ha?"
Me: "It's great actually. We just closed our seed round. We're about to launch beta. I might even get 5-6 hours of sleep this weekend 😅"10 -
Me: "Delete this folder"
Windows: "Oki, done."
Me: "How is it still there, F5. Still there! Hey, you forgot to delete this one file. Fix it."
Windows: "Nope."
Me: "Why?"
Windows: "Requires permissions."
Me: "Eh, it was my file, but here you are, my admin credentials."
Windows: "None shall pass."
Me: "Wtf, this is my computer. Who owns this file?"
Windows: "No one."
Me: "What do you mean? Oh, time for your reboot pills, ms. Wandows."
Windows: "Noooooo... ... ... Welcome."
Me: "Ha, the file is gone. Glorious victory."
Windows: "It's just a flash wound."
Credit for style: https://mobile.twitter.com/cmurator...4 -
Jobless.
Nah, just kidding.
I'm a qualified teacher, so I have that to fall back on.
That or fixing things, I suppose. I would then design something to corrupt that AI and then I can get hired back when the AI starts its reign of terror.
"Oh no! The AI became sentient and started intentionally fucking code up (and then proceeding to manically laugh at it ((ha...ha...ha...)! Who can save us?"
"I have a team of highly skilled devs, programmers, and a dude who works in a cellphone shop at my disposal. devRanters assemble! (then I just fuck up the code I made initially to make them sentient and commit it - problems solved.)2 -
The moment that I finally understood OOP.
Several teachers had already given up explaining it over and over again but one classmate took a few hours to explain.
Suddenly, after a few hours, that AH-HA! moment was there!
I've done as much OOP programming as possible since then and have explained it to others who were struggling with it as well 😊30 -
Me: ok fuck it, if the Mac mini gets refreshed I'm selling my desktop and getting one...
*Checks news and sees they got a refresh*
*Looks at cost to specs*
Me: ha... Ha... Ha... Nope...34 -
The website of Alphabet(parent company of Google) - https://abc.xyz, has hidden link to Hooli, the tech company from silicon valley series.
Ha 🤔14 -
Project manager: how was the day?
Me: wrote a few lines of code
Me: ran the code
Me: full of errors
Me: I cried8 -
The satisfaction/get rekt feeling when I do this.
When a client sends an email asking us to do something "ASAP" and end it with "thanks in advance!" while it's something that we have user guides for.
"Dear {client.name},
I'd like to point you to a tutorial we have about this on our online help desk: {tutorial.link}.
Have a great day!"
Ha, rekt!15 -
Walked into the office in the afternoon, everyone was kinda panicking
Asked what was going on, well, the ticket system is not working anymore, can't put in any new tickets.
So I started to look for the issue as well, checked the system and... The last tickets' IDs were at ~32k. Ha. Looked into the source code and, sure enough, they used a data type with an upper limit of... 32k. So when trying to get a new ticket ID it just crashed and burned.
Quickly changed the data type and stopped the office panic in around half an hour.
Memorable not because of how tough the bug was, but because of the impact and the simplicity of the fix3 -
I played a lot of Command & Conquer when I was younger, and I remember going through the files for C&C: Red Alert. I found one that had all the units names and properties, and wondered what happened if I changed a value. So I changed grenadiers attack speed to something ridiculously fast, and found that it actually changed it in the game!
The light bulb went off in my head, and I then created new units:
- Albert Einstein that shot electricity
- Attack dogs that launched missiles
Granted the animations didn't exist for these so it defaulted to playing their death animations when attacking, which was amusing.
That was the ah-ha moment for me that lead me to pursue programming. It was just so much fun!4 -
Craziest deadline I've ever had...
Task: Patch 193 machines
Environment:
- no configuration/patch management
- no knowledge of the machines
- no contact info/application owners
...timeframe...do it today!
Here's the winner...do we have credentials for these machines? Ha, nope.6 -
Why should you sing RAID controllers a soothing song before turning off the lights?
They're afRAID of the dark.9 -
Meanwhile at HTC:
Dev: Just gonna tweak this function to make our keyboard faster!
Dev: ha! Done, users will love this update5 -
Okay so if you click on my profile and scroll down (all the way to the end) my first post on devRant was about me making a website for my best friend and ask her out that way. An update on that... we got married :3
And this was the second post about it https://devrant.com/rants/704942/...7 -
I know this is not a dev joke, but I laughed so hard:
Father bought a lie detector that makes "beep" whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home this afternoon.
Father ask him:
"So, you where at school today, right ?"
Son:"Yeah"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"OK, OK, I was in a cinema"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:"What ?! At your age I would never touch alcohol!"
Detector: "Beep."
Mother laughs:"Ha ha ha, he really is your son!"
Detector: "Beep."1 -
Github Inc. (Feel good inc. parody)
=========================
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
(change) Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Github
(change) fetch it (change), fetch it (change), fetch it (change), Github
Repos breaking down on pull request
Juniors have to go cause they don't know wack
So while you filling the commits and showing branch trees
You won't get paid cause it's all damn free
You set a new linter and a new phenomenal style
Hoping the new code will make you smile
But all you wanna have is a nice long sleep.
But your screams they'll keep you awake cause you don't get no sleep no.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng
This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?
Laughing at the class past, fast CRUD
Testing them up for test cracks.
Star the repos at the start
It's my portfolio falling apart.
Shit, I'm forking in the code of this here.
Compile, breaking up this shit this y*er.
Watch me as I navigate.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Yo, this repo is Ghost Town
It's pulled down
With no clowns
You're in the sh*t
Gon' bite the dust
Can't nag with us
With no push
You kill the git
So don't stop, git it, git it, git it
Until you're the maintainers
And watch me criticize you now
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng
This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?
Don't stop, shit it, git it.
See how your team updates it
Steady, watch me navigate
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Don't stop, shit it, git it.
Peep at updates and reconvert it
Steady, watch me git reset now
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.2 -
Unaware that this had been occurring for while, DBA manager walks into our cube area:
DBAMgr-Scott: "DBA-Kelly told me you still having problems connecting to the new staging servers?"
Dev-Carl: "Yea, still getting access denied. Same problem we've been having for a couple of weeks"
DBAMgr-Scott: "Damn it, I hate you. I got to have Kelly working with data warehouse project. I guess I've got to start working on fixing this problem."
Dev-Carl: "Ha ha..sorry. I've checked everything. Its definitely something on the sql server side."
DBAMgr-Scott: "I guess my day is shot. I've got to talk to the network admin, when I get back, lets put our heads together and figure this out."
<Scott leaves>
Me: "A permissions issue on staging? All my stuff is working fine and been working fine for a long while."
Dev-Carl: "Yea, there is nothing different about any of the other environments."
Me: "That doesn't sound right. What's the error?"
Dev-Carl: "Permissions"
Me: "No, the actual exception, never mind, I'll look it up in Splunk."
<in about 30 seconds, I find the actual exception, Win32Exception: Access is denied in OpenSqlFileStream, a little google-fu and .. >
Me: "Is the service using Windows authentication or SQL authentication?"
Dev-Carl: "SQL authentication."
Me: "Switch it to windows authentication"
<Dev-Carl changes authentication...service works like a charm>
Dev-Carl: "OMG, it worked! We've been working on this problem for almost two weeks and it only took you 30 seconds."
Me: "Now that it works, and the service had been working, what changed?"
Dev-Carl: "Oh..look at that, Dev-Jake changed the connection string two weeks ago. Weird. Thanks for your help."
<My brain is screaming "YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO LOOK FOR WHAT CHANGED!!!"
Me: "I'm happy I could help."4 -
!Rant
*Whenever there's a big hacking thing that happened in cyberspace and the media gets the footage*
"Hey! You! you the website developer. Can you like get a hoodie and smash the keyboard."
"Why?"
"Big virus leak"
"But that's not ha.."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THE HOODIE ALREADY"undefined and also probably am i overthinking this? the nsa is watch.. news shhh they don't need to know about that that's why there's always html code there what5 -
DISCLAIMER: UNPOPULAR OPINION
I'm tired of the Linux community, they effectively discourage me of taking part in any discussion online
I'm currently making Windows-only soft, some game stuff, some legacy DirectX stuff you got it.
Everytime I go online, this shitty pattern happens, when I stumble upon a problem in project I don't know how to fix and I ask for help
These are responses
- HA, HA, WINDOWS BAD, HA, HA, GET REAL SYSTEM
- In Linux, we can do X too. I mean it has 4x less functionality and way shittier UX and is even harder to implement but it can probably work on too Linux, so it's better, yes, just move to Linux
- btw you didn't like Linux before? Try this distro man, it's better <links random distro>
Is there anything valuable in the Linux community? I feel like these people don't like Linux anyway, they just hate Windows. Every opinion, tip is always opinion based. Anyone who works on internals knows how much better and how well thought is Windows kernel compared to Linux kernel. Also, if someone unironically uses Linux distro on desktop PC then he's a masochist because desktop Linux is dieing. So many distros ceased work only this year.
Is it a good tool for servers and docker containers? I don't have my head stuck up my ass to admit that yes, it's much better than Windows here.
This community got me stressed right now, I fear that when I go to bathroom or open my microwave there's gonna be a Linux distro recommendation there
😠😡😠😴48 -
Wk1:, Client wants stack deployed to AWS in a day... Does it in 30 minutes...
Wk2: client complains about cost of service so requests I downsize the stack they asked for... Does so... Just to save some £££ at loss of any DR or HA capability
Wk3: Client wants stack moved to a different AWS account just cos... Advised could cause issues... Client says carry on. Migrates to account as requested on the days they requested.
Wk4: client complains that said migration caused issues and that proper change control wasn't followed..... That was never informed on..
Wk5: issue discovered to actually be network fault linked to clients wanting every £££ saved in AWS... And as the stack specialist I still have to write up a summary and findings?
Wow just get a decent AWS admin will ya....3 -
YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!
Are you fucking serious? How it is possible that you, being a fucking teacher in a PRIVATE UNI, AREN'T ABLE TO FUCKING DEPLOY A .NET CORE WEB PAGE EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING WROTE YOU A PDF, LINKED TO MS DOCUMENTATION AND EVEN WENT TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT?
You fucking prick, and now you argue to your superiors that we aren't doing our job as expected... seriously? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID SERIOUS?
I hope you choke on the turkey this christmas, you ignorant incompetent cheap slut... ha, you're not even cheap, because parents are paying THE SCHOOL to provide them with "supposed" better infrastructure, education than a public one, BUT YOU COME TO TELL ME I MUST CODE YOUR ANCIENT PAGE IN FUCKING ASPX WITH DOCUMENTATION DATED 4 YEARS AGO?
Yeez... seriously dude, level up or GTFO.12 -
I just hate it when clients with no knowledge of developing says I'm looking for "more professional"
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Somebody did that with dedication and you can't just call it that!!
SCREW YOU!!!
😡😡😡😡😡15 -
Client: we need a big data implementation in AWS to be fully HA and DR.... Money is no object
*3 weeks later when the bill comes in *
Client: its too expensive we don't need this HA stuff we don't even know what it stands for anyhow so can you take it out? But the system still needs 24/7 availability....2 -
Him : Your tea is cold
Me : if the tea/coffe is full and cold ... developer is working hard.
Manager : well said ha ha ha 😅9 -
Tips for staying focused while wfh?
Telling the wife to stay away. At least twice a day I was sexually harassed. I can't go into details because I'm still traumatized.
If my daughter wasn't home schooled, I'm sure I would have been forced to um...uh...you know...while I was supposed to be working.
Wife: "Honey, quick, kill this spider!!"
<I run into the bedroom>
Me: "Where is the spi...why are you in the bed? No...no...NOOOOO!! I'm reporting you to HR!"
Wife: "Ha!..when you're working from home...I'm HR."12 -
So I just moved into a new apartment ... wait is the phone plugged to an ethernet port? ha didn't expect to have VoIP, so lucky5
-
Co-worker - "We need to have this added just like this, you should be able to do that right, it looks easy"
Me - "HA we'd have to redesign the whole architecture to make that work, and you still can't even figure out how to take a screenshot after I've showed you 20 times, so maybe don't tell me how easy something does or doesn't look"3 -
Somewhere in a lonely break room
There's a guy starting to realize that eternal hell has been unleashed unto him.
It's two a.m.
It's two a.m.
The boss has gone
I'm sitting here waitin'
This desktop's slow
I am getting tired of fixin' all my coworkers' problems
Yeah there's a bug on the loose
Errors in the code
This is unreadable
Rubber ducky can't help
I cannot debug, my whole life spins into a frenzy
Help I'm slippin' into the programming zone
Git push to the prod
Set up a repo
My hard drive just crashed
All my code is gone
Where am I to go
Now that I've broke my distro
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
I'm falling down a spiral
Solution unkown
Disgusting legacy, ugly code
Can't get no connection
Can't get through to commit
Well the night weights heavy
On my confused mind
Where's the error on this line
When the CEO comes
He knows damn well
To keep his distance
And he says
Help I'm slippin' into the programming zone
Git push to the prod
Set up a repo
My hard drive just crashed
All my code is gone
Where am I to go
Now that I've broke my distro
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow4 -
Dont get attached to your code at work! Coz it's not your code, you got paid for writing that code and that's it.5
-
In a morning 'stand up'.. (SM = Scrum Master, PO = Product Owner)
SM: "Sprint item 42399 ... Did you work with Ken on getting the price service ready for deployment?"
Me: "No, I worked with Dave on the service bus queue changes. Its there in the notes"
SM: "Ha ha...no...right there...it reads working with Ken."
Me: "Those are your notes. You re-assigned the ticket to yourself yesterday."
SM: "Oh...um...you told me you were working with Ken when I asked."
Me: "I'm really sorry, I don't remember you asking or me saying anything about changes to the price service. All the documentation I have is for the service bus."
PO: "I'm so confused, Ken was pulled off another project to work on the Price service for you guys."
Me: "I never talked to Ken, I have no idea whats going on. Did you tell Ken he had to make changes to the Price service?"
SM: "No..I never...um...well....yea...this card was blocked and the service needed to be approved and deployed."
Me: "Ken's changes were for the purchasing service two weeks ago and already deployed. The card is already marked as Done"
<PO rubs his face>
PO: "Good god...do I still need to be here?"
Me:"Um...no? Sorry?"
<PO walks out>
Me: "What changes did you tell Ken to make?"
SM: "Whatever the card says...see the price service."
Me: "Scroll down...see..price related to the service bus, not price service."
SM:"Work with Dave on getting this card closed, OK?"
Good fracking grief. Your ego is so brittle and so eager to look like a boss.
I did my job, you fracking kiss ass. I'm fracking sure when you re-assigned the ticket you told my boss you "had to" because I was falling behind in the sprint.3 -
I hate magento
I hate magento "devs"
I hate people who always cuts down HA vs short times performance
Fuck10 -
//Proof that C++ is godly !
auto water = new Water();
auto wine = reinterpret_cast<Wine>(water);
//Ha ha6 -
Thanks everyone for giving me enough ++ to get my very own stress ball, also a special thanks zuckABird. If it wasn't for your data collecting madness i would of missed out. Ha3
-
You know this isn't going to happen ,I know that this isn't going to happen but still, we can dream and fantasies about it ha ha ha fuckking bullshit11
-
Ha ha ha ha. Fucking morons!
You brag about being a highly skilled company.
You tell me I don’t have enough experience despite three years of uninterrupted activity where I currently work
You’re willing to give me a chance (I just don’t know how to express my gratitude)
BUT among your super talented team members you can’t find anybody capable of conducting a technical interview?? And you’ve been looking for over a month for someone who could do it?
Thanks for wasting my time with three useless HR interviews you worthless DIPSHITS!2 -
One of our senior dev enjoys berating the other devs because they don't check-in code according to his schedule (once a day, once an hour..he flip-flops a lot), then when they do, he 'reviews' their code, beating them up because of incomplete features, commented out code..petty..petty nonsense.
Ex. (this occurred couple of weeks ago).
Ralph: "The button click code in this event isn't complete"
Dev: "No, its not, the code in my development branch. You said it was best practice to check in code daily whether the code worked or not. I didn't finish the event last night and ..."
Ralph: "Exactly. Before you check any code into source control, it has to work and be 100% complete. What if someone moved that code into production? What happens if that code got deployed? I'm not even going talk about the lack of unit tests."
Dev: "Uh..well..the code is on the development channel, and I branched the project in my folder ...I didn't think it mattered.."
Ralph: "Ha ha...you see what happens when you don't think...listen..."
- blah blah blah for 10 minutes of hyperbole nonsense of source control check-in 'best practice'
This morning Ralph's computer's hard-drive crashed.
Ralph: "F-k! ..F-k! ... my f-king computer hard drive crashed!"
Me: "Ouch...did you loose anything important?"
Ralph: "A f-king week of code changes."
Me: "You checked everything into source control on Friday ...didn't you?"
Ralph: "F-k no!...I got busy...and...f-k!"
Me: "Look at the bright side, you'll have a good story to tell about the importance of daily check-ins"
Oh...if looks could kill. Karma...you're the best. -
Manager: Hey software engineer, how's the project going?
Software Engineer: Good, just debugging my code.
Manager: Debugging? What kind of bug are you trying to fix?
Software Engineer: The ones that make my computer turn into a lava lamp.
Manager: Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, how can I help?
Software Engineer: Well, I need a bigger monitor. My current one doesn't have enough real estate to display all the errors.
Manager: How about a second monitor?
Software Engineer: No, I need a bigger universe.
Manager: I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, keep coding. We have a deadline to meet.
Software Engineer: No problem, I have all the time in the world. I just need to find a way to slow down time.
Manager: I wish I had your optimism. Just let me know if you need anything else.
Software Engineer: How about a unicorn? I heard they're good at coding.
Manager: I'll see what I can do, but in the meantime, stick to using a keyboard.3 -
So, got yet another one of those, "Ha! Sending this from your own e-mail address is proof I've infected your machine and recorded video of you synced to your browsing history! Send me bitcoin!" e-mails today. Just with a fun twist:
He claims to have infected my computer on November 8th, 2018 (for later readers: 4 days after the e-mail was sent).
Was about to give them points on creativity the other day; got a Japanese translation of it that was actually pretty spot-on all things considered, and then a Korean copy of it again the next day (just in case I couldn't read English or Japanese, I guess?).
But seriously, you're trying to pull this kind of scam, and can't even tell your bot to successfully pick a date *in the past*?4 -
Me: Brooo, We did it last night!
Friend : Which base did you get to?
Me : Hbase
Friend: Ha, doope!4 -
Normal guy : it's hard to understand my girlfriend ...👯😣💩
Front-end Dev : Ha.. then try Javascript 😎1 -
My friend ha just big exam in their programming class. They got the assignment week before and were allowed to use libraries. They were using Java and Maven repos. He created his own Maven repo and added finished assignment as a library. He just added his repo to the gradle project and selected his library as a dependecy. He then created one class with main method, 10 lines of user input and called main method from his library. Since the school newly tests students work automatically, he instantly passed with 100% and had to look like hes actually working for next 3 hours 😂. Noone noticed anything after 2 weeks 😂1
-
Dashing through the snow
Get the fuck out of my way
You are all so slow
and fat, what do you weigh?
HA HA !!
I'll end your caroling
but It won't be a silent night
I've come to terrorize your town
and watch you die tonight
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
I've hijacked Santa's sleigh
Oh what fun it is to ride over bodies every day
HEY !!
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
Bodies will decay
after you're all crushed beneath my motherfucking sleigh
HEY !!
Credits: Insanity Wold3 -
Ha ha! Fuck you Apple. Forced to use USB c after your stupid charger games every iphone release.
Its about time. You pricks keep forcing new chargers on me. I have a drawer full of obsolete chargers.18 -
You think arrays starting with 1 are annoying?
HA!
How about time in a day starting with 12?
12:00, 12:45, 1:00, 1:45,...,11:45, 12:00, 12:45, 1:00, 1:45, ..., 11:45, 12:00, 12:45, 1:00 again
What if arrays started with 12? I bet Americans would love that!
arr[12]=fuck
arr[1]=this
arr[2]=shit
arr[3]=!!!14 -
For about 3x years now, we have had 3x generic work email addresses that are used as microsoft accounts for office 2016 licenses.
(The company is dragging its heels on getting office 365 so MS like to make our lives hell.)
Suddenly we can’t get office updates... and when we sign in to see why, it says that because we are apparently only 3 years old we need our parents permission to use the account or we’ll lose access by September.
Never were we forced to enter a DOB when setting the accounts up!!! So it used the account setup date instead.
It turns out that we can’t change our DOB ourselves, as we are a ‘child’ and need a parents permission.
Fine.
I access my personal account and follow the instructions to add the 3x email addresses as my children so i can change the DOB.
‘Ha ha’ i hear microsoft saying, ‘it doesn’t work that way!!’
No, In order for the parent to verify their child’s identity, they are charged 0.50c per child!
Wtf!!
Doesn’t cost a lot but come on Microsoft!!
It’s that, or submit ID, which obviously wont work for a generic support@ email address like we have.
So annoying and we don’t know what to do.
Wonder how much MS are making out of this...2 -
Just saw this:
Add comma's to your passwords to mess with the csv file they will be dumped in after a data breach9 -
*Gives the list of top three candidates (All women) to hire to HR Manager (A Lady)*
HRM: Ha, I always knew it, women are always better than men. Alas, you are realising now.
*At that moment, it felt as if all my hard work to judge all the candidates abilities without any prejudice whatsoever, just got collected by the garbage collector*
Why does it have to be Men Vs Women, why does there have to be any comparison at all, except the question that how does this individual compare to the rest.
I really don't care whether one is old, young, male or female or whatever other factor that can be used to separate humans into groups. Why can't it simply be: Does this individual produce the end result required? Period.6 -
Previous intern had a bad habit of living empty catch blocks...
It's like he had some mommy issues.
It's like handing an empty first aid box to guy.
"You know what I am gonna do, leave empty catch every where just to fuck with the next guy...Ha...Ha..."1 -
ha...
that I did NOT expect.
Opening a website in chrome. Laptop's transforms into a drone and tries to lift off my desk and fly away with its fans. I see warning popups telling me that CPU Tº is 100ºC.
Opening website in FF. Laptop calmly opens it up and raises Tº from 50ºC to only 75ºC.
And here I thought that Chrome is fine-tuned for anything you can throw at it.
And the website really has nothing fancy in it... Just some text to read, images to see in the background and some buttons to click on.
https://ignitis.lt/lt/...
its EN version, however, does not have the laptop-heater feature installed.
WTF11 -
Work: We're gonna add another project to you. Nice, so thats 3 now. Oh, and get 2 of them done by the end of this month please. Thanks.
Me: ...
Me: ha ha ha3 -
Work of a my co-workers good work! It's called colspan you dumb fuck! Best part is that no way I'm changing this coz I work in place where they don't give a fuck about code quality! So fuck it!6
-
Recently i had a small talk with someone working in the banking sector . When that person acknowledged what i do for a living , she started to be a little bit passive-agressive .
Her:"You know someday , sooner than later , a guy like you is going to create something like artificial intelligence to replace all the devs in the world . Ha ha ha ! And your golden age is going to end . "
Me:"So you think this guy is going to create a smart program , software or platform , that will create software from what ? "
Her:" We will write the specs directly in the program and we will get the software after !"
Me:"And what if the specs are impossible, from logical point of view. "
Her:" Well there will be some rules and you will need to respect them !"
Me: "And people need to learn the logic of these rules?"
Her: " Yes a little bit of training!"
Me:" We already have that !"
Her: " We have ?! "
Me: " Is called .... CODING !"
Her: **silence **
(I remembered the burn from a comic -- forgot the name-- but GOD it felt good !)
Why some people hate us ?4 -
New teacher assigned and she realizes that the previous teacher did not teach anything in this webdev class. HA! I was right all along.1
-
Ha ha just this happened, One young man is building some shit on Wordpress with bunch of free plugins. And he said i'm a good dev. And he's login page load speed is 47 seconds.2
-
Real Incident (India)
So, this one time, out of the Blue, my engineering manager said "Let's, Shit together sometime."
I was like "Yeah, Sure. Sounds like a great Idea."
**-(Wondering why am I always so Agreeable to her 😒)
She has a bit of an accent and I realised she actually meant "Sit".
What a bummer!!! I was really looking for some intimacy, not the ideal way, but, it was something nonetheless.
Ha!
Back to the Screen, now!4 -
>Client complains about a 30 minute downtime around midnight
>Client also pays only for a single VM on a HV that they don't even own themselves
>Replies with an offer of how to make the setup more resilient, going from 1 VM to 2 LBs/FE loadbalanced through BGP, and distributing traffic through HaProxy onto 2 BE machines that in turn talk to a Postgres Cluster with RepMgr for dynamic failover.
>No reply so far
Hmmm :^)5 -
If you didn't became a developer what would you be? What's your plan B?
Mine is to be a psychologist.38 -
What if you were asked to develop something that goes against your morals or beliefs. Would you do it?
PS - they are willing to pay you more that you ask for29 -
Most awkward video conference call?
Our department is in a 'virtual' book club, reading The Unicorn Project, and I asked..
Me: "So what similarities have you seen with the Phoenix project and projects we work on here?"
Dale: "Ha ha..sooo many. The biggest is the disconnect of managers with no clue of what goes on."
<Vice president of our department also in the book club>
VP: "Really? Dale, I'd like to know more about this."
<awkward silence with blank stares all around>
DBA: "Come on Dale...spill the beans. Got the VP right there."
Dale: "Um...nope...not going there...nope"
<Dale's screen goes black>
VP: "OK, so when Maxine asks ..." -
HA DUMB SCHOOL. our school is throwing away a shit ton of server and desktops and I wanna grab some of them.9
-
Even though I have 500 reputation on StackOverflow I'm afraid to ask a question! Coz other devs can be really down right mean! No one knows everything, we are all here to learn. Some ppl don't understand that they too started like this.2
-
"Ha you commented your code that nobody is going to read! That's funny dude good humor!"
If good coding practice is funny then I'm in good standing.3 -
Apartment management: Hey folks. Elevator #4 is getting a software upgrade so it will not be in service for a few weeks. While we’re doing the upgrade, the elevator call button next to elevator #1 will only call that elevator. The other call button will call elevators 2 and 3. Please press only one button. If you press both, you’re requesting two elevators to come to you and this slows elevator arrival time for other residents. Thank you.
99% of residents: Ah ha! You told us the secret. We’re going to press both call buttons because we choose chaos 😈3 -
Sooooo.... I just read that CSS 3 is actually Turing complete. So ha to all of you that say CSS isn't a programming language. It's been proven that it is. HA. This is the second greatest day of my life, only after finding out that Powerpoint is Turing complete. Yeah.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...3 -
So I my boss told me about an interview ha had for a new account manager position.
${BOSS} so can you tell me about your knowledge with DNS and DHCP?
${GIRL} I have no idea, I dont listen to West Coast rap
${BOSS} ...5 -
That awkward moment when u look svn history to find out which idiot wrote this stupid code and u leant it was you yourself. You feel so glad you didn't go all gun blazing criticising the guy to your colleagues before ur investigation.
Lesson learnt for future ha ha ha1 -
Was fixing a bug and suddenly got an error that the lodash library could not be loaded. Funny, didn't even know the project used that lib. Looked for the reference and the previous dev used _.times instead of a for loop. Ha okay, interesting. Wonder where else this library is used.
Searched the whole project for references, dependencies, whatever, any sign of it. Fucking. Nothing.
Rewrote the _.times part as a simple for loop, then removed the library. The rest of the project still worked perfectly. Took me about a minute and a half.
Who the fuck uses an entire damn library to... Not write a for loop I guess?!7 -
Medieval torture devices got nothin' on Angular.
The Rack? Ha, good times!
Brazen Bull? Happily!
Iron Maiden? Yes, please!
Pear of Anguish? Funny name, I'll take it!
But Angular?!
PLEASE GOD, NO! HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!4 -
Thanks to a fellow ranter who triggered my PTSD, I will ha e to go with not only the worst, but also most evil piece of software ever conceived: MOTHER FUCKING LOTUS NOTES5
-
The best AH-HA moment is the ones that you just can't get your mind around and then go for a coffee break.
Come back to your desk and then ... bam! There it is!
Thanks, coffee ☕2 -
Yesterday was a day off so I developed a vue, vuex , laravel application. Today back to work and start writing some shity code!1
-
When you got hired
HR: please come to us if there's any problems related work so that we can give a solution.
After years of working you send a mail with you problems, it's been months. Still no reply! And try to avoid conversation regarding that problem.2 -
JSF: Yeah, we make it so can focus on what's important and you never have to write HTML or CSS like those lowly web developers.
Also JSF: You can't nest <h:form> components because nested forms are invalid HTML. Oh, that breaks the composite component you were trying to use? Ha, fuck off.
Primefaces: You know how you can just provide an ID and OverlayPanel will open on its own? Well, for a Dialog, the API is completely different. Here's a glob of JavaScript in an onclick event.
I swear this entire thing was regurgitated by a murder of seagulls.1 -
Ha ha ha!
I will wait a while before I pass judgement if you don't mind...
Microsoft bought GitHub to rebuild developer trust, says new CEO.
Linky below:
http://itpro.co.uk/development/...7 -
Have you had any money saved? What is your process when it comes to saving money? What kind of investments did you do with your savings?15
-
Prof introducing a batch of non-programmers to JavaScript.
Me: Ha! I'm going to ace this class.
Disclosure: Its an Art school, We're studying Multimedia Arts, and we have a couple of Web Development classes that focus on html, css, js, and php. (and I have been a web developer for 4 years)2 -
Me: Runs Dedicated Server from home, cheap easier to admin and easy to keep up with upgrades and hardware for my needs.
UKWeather: HA ya I given you 3 good years of OK weather so now you have some super hot weather as I know your brits have no AC haha.
Me: Well darn (alt F4, shutdown - reason: Two Hot )
Time to drill holes move cables and relocate the server to a more cooler place in the home :P7 -
Got hooooot pink coloured pair of beats for my birthday!!! Best gift ever! Two most things I like is music and code this is the perfect gift! Pink is the only problem but fuck it. I love theseeeee!!!19
-
Recently installed SonarQube and its been amazing to see the level of code quality (or lack thereof)
Some projects have 30 to 60 days of technical debt and I found a few files with a cyclomatic complexity over 100. I’m still learning what the “good” numbers should be.
Yesterday, couple of devs were very proud they were going to start reducing the numbers, they started with one of my solutions that had 5 minutes of technical debt. Yes, 5 minutes.
DevA: “OMG…look at this…it has a cyclomatic complexity of 11…that’s terrible. I thought we were supposed to be professional developers.”
DevB: “And take a look at this, he used the double-slash instead of a triple slash for comments. How does any of code even compile?!”
Me: “Maybe we should tweak some of those SonarQube rules so they make more sense to our code base. We’re never going to use unicode, so all those string culture warnings should go away and code comment formatting? Who cares? Be happy we have comments. I think we should also focus on the bigger fish in that pond. The CRM project is one of the biggest and has a lot of improvement opportunities.”
DevB: “There you go again, don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions..ha ha”
DevA: “Yea, no kidding …hey…did you see the logger? OMG…the whole class is over 25 lines…we gotta split that up into smaller projects so it’s more manageable.”
It’s a good thing our revenue stream isn’t dependent on people getting work done.3 -
Y'all Vim (anti)fanboyz be like "ha! try to exit Vim!"
And then there's me, Emacs fanboy... my first shortcut was to undo a change - Ctrl+Z. Guess who looked at the monitor like if he got a wet slap?
Note: it minimizes the window and I blinked right in that while. -
CTO/CEO (previous place) - we're not production engineers, so we're going to fork your code base and move way faster than all of you and then you can maintain it. Doesn't that sound inspiring?
25% of the company: ha... Here's our 2 week notice.2 -
This was a pretty bad interview process
https://devrant.com/rants/5443046/...
What’s funny is that they told me I lacked experience, but then within the following year they called me at least 5 times asking if I was available, as they were desperately looking for someone.
No thanks1 -
Applying for jobs with no experience:
"Ha! So you think you deserve a job? Get out of here! The nerve on you"
Applying for jobs with 2 < years of experience: "Pleeeease come work for us? :3" -
Hahaha ahah ahaha ahha haha ha :') does saying that its a solo project and throwing me into a team of incompetent researchers count? Does specifying a python-ish stack and giving me c++ and fortran code count? Does not fucking paying me until i threatened to leave the job and delete everything i wrote for them count? Does speaking to 9billion people to get the same job as fulltime because i spent 8 hours working for them anyway count?
-
Did you ever take advantage of clients that has less computer literacy? Like have you ever escape a bug in the system by telling the client heavy technical BS! 😋
PS - fixings that bug later obviously!!6 -
A quote I came up with, during some beers when complaining about how we've required our Devs to be always available on-call because we've shied away from investing in the reliability of our systems.1
-
I was copying data from a failing zfs drive with rsync and I noticed that it spent a long time on the file ~/.local/share/Baloo/index
du -h index showed a 500ish MB file which didn't seem large enough to take this long.
I recalled that du shows disk usage, not file size and since I was using zfs compression they could be quite different.
so I added -A for apparent size:
du -hA index and it comes back with 1.7E
The file was 1.7 exabytes...6 -
Started my internship as a webdev assistant in my college's IT team...
Ha...have you heard about ColdFusion?4 -
By this month, I have been in business for three years. How much pressure have I suffered in three years? I am a programmer. I used to think that writing code is too youthful. I started to know that when I started a business, when a programmer might lose my hair, I would be bald if I started my own business.
In order to develop my own products, I invested most of the funds in the early stage. Later, when the product came online, I struggled with promotion, but promotion was not as easy as expected, especially when you had no money. Those successful people always like to share the story of "without spending a penny to promote and make one million users from zero." I have nothing more to say about this except Ha ha. I am very confident in my product, but if I have no money to promote it, it means that no one knows how good your product is. So I always wanted to get a financing. But if promotion is difficult, is financing easy? The chicken soup said again: "All the money floating on Zhongguancun Chuangye Street is money, and as long as you come, it is yours." Ha ha, I laughed and said nothing.3 -
After a code review where I identified an odd way a request was being generated, I suggested to the developer to utilize the Strategy pattern.
Knowing that the Strategy pattern probably wouldn't make sense in the current context, I told him I would put an example together by the end of the day.
I throw something together, sent it to him.
Go to the restroom, come back and 'Bob' says..
Bob:"There is my hero. Justin said you saved the world again. What was it this time? World hunger? Global warming? Ha ha ha."
Frack off you condescending kiss ass. Why don't you take 5 minutes to listen and understand the problem Justin was having instead of making fun of him?
Yea, I heard you this morning laughing at his code, monday-morning quarterbacking a solution in which you have no idea whats going on.
Heard your days are numbers anyway. Good riddance.1 -
For the past 5+ years all I’ve heard from DevA and DevB is what a mess our source control is, we should be using our own custom nuget feeds,..Monday morning quarterback this…Monday morning quarterback that.
This year the department manager gave them the green light to start from scratch. Like ‘green field’ start from scratch. If I were involved, I would have been excited with such an opportunity.
For the past two hours all I’ve heard is ..
DevA: “What should we call this namespace?”
DevB: “I don’t know, I can’t make that decision.”
DevA: “Yea, that’s a business decision. Let’s call it Common for now.”
DevB: “Yea, it’s stupid, but we can change it later.”
DevA: “What about logging project?”
DevB: “Well, how about Core? Every project should have a Core.”
DevA:”Ha ha…like .Net Core. I like it.”
On and on…it’s all I can do from throwing my chair right now.1 -
Why do I find really hard to connect with my coworkers?! I'm an introvert but after few months in my old job I connected with everyone. In my new job I find it really hard! And it's almost a year! 😥😫5
-
L1 support requested to terminate an EC2 instance on which one of our apps seemed to be misbehaving. The node was terminated after few min.
L1 later realized that that instance didn't belong to that app, but instead it was one of the RabbitMQ nodes.
Then, after some panicking we remembered that HA was enabled, so nothing should've been lost.
Later, we realized that the recent RMQ upgrade necessitated a new cluster on which HA was NOT enabled!1 -
Woke up yesterday to find the OS drive failed in my hypervisor.
24 hours later and amazon prime have delivered a new SSD to get back on track.
Thank god for backups, probably going to setup HA now aswell, but great end to a week :(7 -
Quick question, is it bad to quit from a job when the project is not finished yet, especially in a startup company?
My reasoning for quitting, boss doesn’t really understand how game development usually works and mostly assuming every project will be same.
Following is my rant of background story for my question.
The incident triggered me wanting to leave is as below.
G = another guy from incubating center
B = boss
G: hey B, do u know this game studio is releasing this title soon. It’s a local company. Sounds cool.
Then they went to check the company profile. Found that the company has abt 40 staffs in total.
B: hey lunadev, do u know them? They have 40 people to make 2 titles. I think we’re the smallest company in the world that developing mobile games. Ha ha ha.
Me: oh, may be their project scope is complex. But I don’t think ours is the smallest company in the world making game. (We have 5 in total including him) there are others with only 2 ppl making games. (My sarcastic side took over me and said) I think we’re the only company in the world that has such small manpower with shortest deadline.
B: then how long do u think our timeline should be?
Me: abt 2 yrs? (Me considering all the artworks, features, testing time that we have to do)
B: urmmm I don’t think it’s that long. May be abt 6 months or a year at most?
G: ya, abt 6 months. Mobile games are not like desktop games or others so should be abt 6 months. Shouldn’t take that long.
Me: ... :)
Then I packed up my stuffs and left for the day. As for side note, boss designed the game himself and it took him 5 years to add complex features. And sometimes he will still come up to us and ask us to add that feature just cuz he was just inspired by another game he just played. Now can they tell us, this game can finish in 6 months? On what ground?
And another thing that he does gets on my nerve is that he plays game during office hours while the rest of us rushing for his project and campaign.
So, if I quit now, they’d still be in the middle of development. Oh and I’m the main programmer developing the game. So, erm.. Is it wrong?7 -
You don't! Working for a bad company would ultimately give you the experience you need that a good company wouldn't2
-
Hmmm! So I'm passive aggressive person. I don't argue with my fellow devs I post the their faults on devRant!
-
Went to unbox and use my Air Fryer a few minutes ago (we are not worthy of these amazing tools) after a hard day of working on RPA and I couldn’t help but chuckle at this.
HA. GOTTEM (more like got me tbh)3 -
Question;
I have heard about Apache Hadoop for a while but never bothered to learn anything about it.
What can it be used for? Can I use it for hosting thousands of websites powered by php/hhvm?
I am starting to have a need for a really HA and High Performance solution that is futureproof too. My current solution is doing great also when it comes to performance and HA, but it is always nice to try out new things...
So the question is, can Hadoop be used in a hostingsolution?4 -
Post BA Phil degree pre CS degree
My parents - oh cool
My extended family - 'I thought you were going to go to law school, wow how many times are you going to change your mind?' 'who is going to pay for another degree, oh yeah your parents, kids these days' 'so what are you going to do with that Philosophy degree?' 'What are you going to do when mommy stops supporting you?'
Post CS Degree, employed doing what I love, paying off my loans
My parents - yay
My extended family - sweet f*cking silence, and the occasional 'oh so you are working on computers now?'
HA1 -
Mine was at my school when I was 13 or 15. I didn't have a computer at home because my parents could not offered a one. Back then I didn't know any thing about computers but always knew that I wanted to do something related to computers.
So, when I went to the computer lab in my school I was so dumb, I couldn't even click on a button using the mouse. We were partnered up two students per computer and me try so hard use a computer and my partner take over and show off his talent how he can use a computer.
I was sad and devastated even though I love computer I couldn't use a computer but my willingness to learn about computers science never faded a away!
Few years fast forward; I'm a web developer and I'm happy with what I do. The fellow student who showed off still contact me for his trouble shootings regarding computers.
Never give up on you dreams -
I made this site which is nice. Its a nice project plus I made this for my own. So I decided to book a domain for it.
Turns out every possible name is booked and it started pissing me off. I mean how positive people are for startups.
They made this a real-state business. Saw land acquire it. You never know which one will be next facebook ha!
Then I hit git.com which was parked too. I thought god bless you and your money.2 -
Monitoring tools madness: quest foglight.
So, setting a blackout for an FMS "HA cluster" (which does not work due to a bug infested custom jboss implementation) can bring the servers down... And no way to bring them back up.
This brilliant piece of enterprise APM software costs 600.000€ for a 5year license.
I,ve added more drama (logs, threaddumps, support bundles and screenshots) to the support portal...
45 cases now in total, oldest case still open date 2017...
Fuck you quest software4 -
I'm actually setting up a server that's supposed to have a very good uptime with Arch Linux
ha
I use Arch btw13 -
Oh look my website's stopped spitting out errors on every page load and I didn't even touch it!
I guess this confirms that it was my webhost's fault.
Ha.5 -
Tasked with changing a couple of captions on a form. Literly as simple as 'Enter product' to 'Enter item' kind of change.
Reported in our morning stand up the changes where complete, tested and deployed (maybe 15 minutes worth of work including code check out/in, copying the file, etc)
DevA: "Ha ha...that's why you put those strings in resource files."
DevB: "No kidding. Not sure when we'll ever start doing best practices around here."
It was all I could do from saying "What the -bleep-!? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." -
RabbitMQ's claim "RabbitMQ is the most widely deployed open source message broker."
They should amend that line to read "..unless you are trying to install on Windows, then you're screwed .ha ha ha ha"
Two hours fighting permissions, missing (and wrong) paths, having to modify *their* batch files, and still can't access the management UI (and yes, the mgmt plugin is enabled).
I hate this 'shaving the yak' exercise.15 -
The "AH"-moment when as a boy discovered that with this instructions in QBasic I could literally let the thing do *anything*.
The "HA"-moment only little afterwards that I'll probably never have a clue what a worthwhile thing to make it do would be. -
Family support for becoming a dev?
HA! None at all.
Well, to be fair, my parents bought their first a PC in 1996 for learning how to use it and to write documents for business.
So it was a rather passive support, if at all.1 -
I started coding by playing really bad video games. After being suckered into using what allowance I had, I started hacking them to make them better. This led to hacking up MySpace... (ha) That led to actually trying out new languages and eventually unity3d/c# to learn proper coding techniques. I regret nothing!
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Ha! I remember now why I picked windows over ubuntu as environment for developing, I can install simultaneously apps in Windows meanwhile in Ubuntu cannot because something gets locked! And FFS the drivers! And also there's no simple way to do simple things like install and get a desktop icon without having to touch some scripts! I mean WTF!9
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Sho Ha Ri
First, follow the tutorial and don't try to do anything fancy, finish it and have it in a working state
Second, start experimenting, can this be improved? How? Does it still work?
Last, transcend. Develop your own way of doing it.
If you don't go through these stages properly you might get stuck and frustrated and never get whatever you're working on in a working state, resulting in hating the technology.2 -
Wrote a detailed spec, costed and agreed. Meanwhile client and designer agree upon half baked designs that only vaguely resemble the spec. Don't worry though, I have balls. I'm not a yes man. Will put them both straight (again) on how the fuck we do things if it involves me, incompetent twats. Will soon be calling the shots again. Ha ha, it's either that or I fucking walk.
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So this horrible client micromanaging every single thing in the application now suddenly asking me where a menu should go! I'm like why are you asking me that now I think you should take the menu and shove it up your ass?2
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I have switched from Chrome to Firefox in steps to de-google myself. I missed some of the features but I found a workaround apart from the Chrome Netflix Extended extension. I binge watch lots of Netflix series and after a while seeing intro again and again quite frustrates me. With Chrome, I didn't have to worry about that but with Firefox there weren't any add-ons which works properly so this weekend I decided to make my own.
If you are a Firefox user, please give it a try and let me know.
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/...
If you like to contribute -
https://github.com/chamra/netcham2 -
I've never been a big fan of the "Cloud hype".
Take today for example. What decent persistent storage options do I have for my EKS cluster?
- EBS -- does not support ReadWriteMany, meaning all the pods mounting that volume will have to be physically running on the same server. No HA, no HP. Bummer
- EFS -- expensive. On top of that, its performance is utter shit. Sure, I could buy more IOPS, but then again.. even more expensive.
S3 -- half-assed filesystem. Does not support O_APPEND, so basically any file modifications will have to be in a
`createFile(file+"_new", readAll(file) + new_data); removeFile(file); renameFile(file + "_new", file);`
way.
ON TOP of that, the s3 CSI has even more limitations, limiting my ability to cross-mount volumes across different applications (permission issues)
I'm running out of options. And this does not help my distrust in cloud infras...9 -
Ha! Our Ops Support DBA Manager just asked (tongue in cheek) "if we are now supporting MS Access, too?" To which of course, the answer is no. Business user who install Access on their desktop and use it for business, get to provide their own support. As their Dev DBA, I'll be more than happy to help them migrate their data to SQL Server, Oracle, or Teradata, depending on the Use Case for the data. But, no, we don't support Access. Ever.
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RavenDB was by far the worst document storage "solution" I have ever had the displeasure of working with.
- Loading data crashed the service.
- Queries crashed the service.
- Monitoring applications crashed the service.
- It didn't support clustering or HA of any kind.
- Sometimes it just worked for no good reason.
- Often it broke for completely random reasons.11 -
I'm going to fire the universal developer who did this:
```
git clone git://universe/juneeighteen-family
git checkout -b flu
touch family/wife.flu
touch family/oldest-son.flu
touch family/youngest-son.flu
git add .
git commit "Bwa ha ha ha ha"
git push
git merge flu
``` -
I have been using Windows my entire life but never gotten the bluescreen of death.. What ha e i been doing wrong?! :P
Also I want to learn to use Linux. Which is best for developing and beginners ?11 -
Do you want to use text to speech huh? Ha ha ha here’s a low battery pop up to completely derail what you were saying and make you repeat the last 10 seconds.
an actual good design would have waited until the text to speech function was complete to pop up the message or at least don’t stop recording what’s being said. But I guess I don’t understand innovation.
Think different indeed12 -
Ha! There's nothing like listening to a couple of crotchety devs talking shit about agile for half an hour, just to have a junior dev bust into the room and frantically exclaim "we have to start over from scratch again!" Apparently, someone didnt fully understand the requirements... 😉1
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Even though the app geolocation works for all 20 of my devices it's not for apple.
long = fakeLong;
lat = fakeLat;
if (geoLocationWorks){
long = actualLong;
lat = actualLat;
}
Ha! Now even if apple's geolocation isn't working the app will still work.2 -
Attempting to get back on the docker container hype train and I get this error.
Find the issue, and Microsoft's response 'oh...ha ha...our bad. We may or may not fix it. Sorry, sucks to be you.' -
I'll monitor our helpdesk ticket system from time-to-time and HR will send their employee termination request so the accounts are deactivated. I notice an odd name I hadn't seen in a long while (names have been changed)
<thought bubble> "Ketsup? Hmmm...wonder if they're related to ol' Brad Ketsup?"
Brad was a bully who would shove me in the bathroom when I would pee so I would tip over and hit the urinal. He was part of pack of older bullies who enjoyed torturing people in the stalls by throwing wet paper towels over the wall or one time in my case, busted the door open (Brad: "Look everybody! PaperTrail is pooping! Look at his little pee-pee...ha ha ha..") Incidentally, the school didn't fix the door, they removed all the doors so the problem wouldn't happen again, but I digress.
I look at the individual's pic, and it was like going back in time. There he was, the near perfect round face, pinned back ears...not Brad, but I'd bet my paycheck at Vegas it was his son. All the vent up frustrations started to bubble up...then...sadness.
Brad moved away in high school and unless the good Lord moved mountains in Brad's life, this poor kid likely lived the same abusive life as Brad. Brad's dad was a drunk and known to be abusive. Statistically speaking, no reason to believe the the apple wouldn't fall far from the tree.
Makes me wonder what happened to all those guys from back then. I know two of em' ended up in prison, but I wonder what I would say if I came across any of them in the wild?
I'm sure most of you had perfect lives growing up and no feelings of mass carnage when you think of the bullies in your early life.5 -
Times are so different. Especially don't shoot the messenger. Ha, fuck that. Shoot him on sight. That dude can think for himself if it's OK to deliver the message right?
Sadly, the messengers are protected by 'freedom to speech'. More like 'freedom to propaganda' these days.
This is not only dev related. It's 42 related7 -
I've been out of programming as my fault job for a while now, still dabble, ... reading the post on here takes me back and almost makes me want to choose something. Ha!2
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Today I found this 😂😂
https://youtu.be/NATZy-ZqD7A
(I mean: YouTube found me after my previous rant: https://devrant.com/rants/2215801/...)1 -
I have the entire week off and you suckers have to go into work Monday!
Ha!!
I'll be in Dollywood if you need me. -
Is there a way to implement Google analytics to a specific page.
So, my requirement is to let the user add his/her Google analytics to their page on my application. The page is in sub-route of the application (user/username)
Can I allow a user to do that? Are there any articles related to this?10 -
So I have a raspberry pi running nextcloud and I want to add a second one to improve the availability.
I'm new to HA clusters. What stack would you recommend?17 -
Let me just say:
Galera is bloody incredible. We had 2 out of 3 nodes crash, and it still managed to recover automatically with no downtime.
But let me also say
When it *does* fully crash... Data recovery is an _incredible_ pain in the arse.
Thank you, Galera. Wish more customers were willing to pay for 3 SQL nodes instead of just two while expecting minimal node downtime...7 -
I was watching a YouTube video about c++ and the guy used player{1...n} in a game as an example for objects of a class Player.
That was A-ha for me 😅.
I never got that in grade school when teachers used fruits and animals as examples 😂.2 -
When I started at my first job I was a fanboy for a co-worker who writes codes like nothing and there's is nothing he can not do when comes to coding!! I really admire his work. I always think how does he do it?!
Now I have a fanboy for my work 😎 he admires my work he thinks that there's nothing I can't solve.
I get it now, it's just experience and practice!5 -
Ha, Microsoft closes my easily reproducible issue with their Monaco editor as 'resolved':
> posted "resolution" is totally wrong, it's not even in the TypeScript typings of their own library or anywhere in the documentation
jesus christ today is not my day
seems like everyone already started chugging the Christmas eggnog, maybe I'd just give up and start do the same1 -
I would describe the day with all the soothing sounding adjectives I could find. You don't see this perfect weather in London. The sun rays through the glass walls seem very welcoming my intention.
My plan was to enjoy a couple of cups of coffee while getting boozed in some development works. How beautiful, right?
But alas! a manual rack transfer came in for HA....163 instances
The end -
My team has a Database Admin 2 position open on the Arvest Career site. We are looking for someone with Data Warehousing/Data Integration background with SQL Server, ETL, SSIS, or equivalent. Also looking for a physical DBA with background in SQL Server, performance tuning, partitioning, DR/HA, Database migrations, dB refresh, dB restore, building out clusters.
https://appone.com/MainInfoReq.asp/... -
!rant advice needed
I have an interview at a company this week who work in PHP, magento, angular js, swift and sometimes c#. Sounds quite good for a new grad with one year of experience in PHP and front end.
The problem is the salary is 20-22k. My friends are looking in London and the ones who ha e secured roles are 36k and 40k. They are roughly the same level of developers as me.
So what to do? Probably turn it down? I don't know what o should expect but I was hoping for around 30k. I need the money for personal reasons and 22k doesn't seem like a lot for a first class computer science graduate with a year and a half industry experience. I could be wrong?7 -
Working on some documentations on MS word and I'm pressing ctrl+space for auto complete!!🤣🤣🤣 Not only that ctrl+click for multiple cursor!!! 😂😂😂😂😂2
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Eat, sleep, rave, repeat.
Eat, sleep, rave, repeat.
Eat, sleep, rave, repeat.
Eat, sleep, rave, repeat.
Oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oom-oom, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oomf, oom-oom
Clap, tchh, clap, tchh-clap, tchh-clap, tch-claclaclaclap!
Pay, your bills, pay, your bills, pay, your bills, pay, your bills
Ha-have, kids, ha-have, kids, ha-have, kids, ha-have, kids. Cla, cla-cla-cla-clap! O-obey, o-o-o-obey, o-obey, obey, o-obey, bey, bey, beyyyy..
And rrrrrepeaaaat, aaaafterrrrrr, meeeeeee: I am ffffffffffffffffffreeeeeeeee...
Tekno musik. Tekno musik. Tekno music. Tekno music.
lawl:
https://youtube.com/watch/...4 -
So I quit my last job because they were only focusing on developing invoicing and inventory control systems. It was really boring same old thing every day!!
When I started my current job they were developing CMS and web solutions. But recently management is considering to develop invoicing and inventory control systems (which now I HATE ).
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THERE'S MORE THAT!!!!
😫🙄😡😠7 -
Using Google Allo since this morning. The reply prediction feature is making my conversations very polite... Ha... Ha... It has to learn that real life conversations are not so polite... At least not with my fellow devs... 😂
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'programming' a game on a spectrum zx(copying from a book) for an entire day, only to find out it didn't work ha!
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Ok! My new project still haven't started and I'm so bored , running out things to look into!!!
So far I have looked into
Firebase
Ethical Hacking
Some web developing concept...
Any suggestions??? Related to web developing, laravel , vuejs ???1 -
! a programming moment
My ah-ha moment was when i got to know that I could play metal slug on it.
I had gotten a CD consisting of neo geo ROMs on it
and that was one of my best moments in life.
I had never thought that i would have an arcade machine at home
I even invited some friends over and showed them that I had Metal Slug on my computer. -
Stackoverflow just got us more work to do. Now we have to redesign the entire monitoring system just when we have finished implementing HA in several DCs.
https://bosun.org/call -
So well... 2 monitors are not enough for testing an server ha application with teaming/bounding interface with 3 nic.
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I forgot every thing and watch funny YouTube videos! And in between watching them I blame myself get depressed get angry!
I think I might be bipolar! 🤔🤣😀😂☹️3 -
Some days it's hard to believe the world ever existed heh maybe the place I call hell would be nicer now. Ha3
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I love docker swarm, but ffs can we finally get get real clients IP address inside? I am sick of the single point of failure fuck up, docker team!!!2
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So, some data need to be prepared during the summer and the diverse departments' elected data processors got shared in a Google spreadsheet they will need to fill with some basic data IT needs. Simple, straightforward data entry, with nothing private nor confidential. Just another divide-and-conquer-style large amount of data to enter & organise, that's all.
Today, I received a new comment notification as the owner of the spreadsheet. You can imagine my surprise when I saw that, for some f*cked up reasons, one of the guys just wrote the super-admin username & pw for one of the main data systems we use in a freaking comment in the spreadsheet... WTF...
Oh, and also, juuust in case, he also wrote the pin code that is normally required to pass through the device-check when you log-in as a super-admin from an unknown device and/or location.
Fortunately I could catch it on time, but this just ruined half of my day.
I am supposedly on freaking annual leave. Ha Ha. Ha. -
Giving clueless people cues like human emoji still? Do not be unreasonable this will will not waver anymore because there is nothing to lose. the future if it comes will be good but you creatures seem to want to stuff each place with rotting bizarre critters designed to chase other people off like you're actually disguising anything ha5
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Today, I began learning about the wonders and horrors of HA in production environments.
My head feels like when I first joined the company as a total noob who never worked an IT job in his life. Soooooooo much new information and concepts and potential issues to learn to avoid.
But all super interesting! -
Hey everyone. I wouldn't do this normally but this is actually my first project that has gone live ehich was also the base of my study for becoming front-end dev. Its a front end lib that mixes bootstrap with styled components. But also explains a way to create react components with variables and theming helpers to quickly create components and themes that are sharable.
Yes, i learned html, css and javascript and jumped onto react about 6 month later. Its been 3 years now but the project ready even though it ha some bugs.
Any help testing and criticising would be of great help. We are trying to be reactive for bug correction and improvements.
https://tinyurl.com/y9q3pp9w -
Ha in Miami
No one would go to Florida
And if you end up in the system there good help you
I feel I should be here in the spring not the winter4