1995: Viruses create funny VGA effect
2000: Viruses send SPAM e-mails
2010: Viruses steal credentials
2016: Viruses launch DDoS attacks
2017: Viruses demand ransom
2018: Viruses mine crypto coins

Microsoft support: "Your antivirus software is causing problems with the memory management."

Me: "I use Windows defender"

Microsoft support: "Oh..."

Me: 🙃

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

Oh!! Nevermind!!

Downloaded this app earlier today and ive forgotten all about instagram, snapchat, Twitter, etc..

Dear Skype,

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

devRant should have a character limit of 1024 instead of 1000...

HP you can go fuck yourself for the worlds poorest design.
Lets place a SLEEP key right next to Esc.
Naturally you reach for the top left key. Ive put my PC to sleep twice accidentally

I am the only guy who pauses to look at the code in every hacking/coding scene either in a movie or series? Coz that shit is sometimes hilarious

When your IDE is in dark mode but every webpage you visit has a white background... And alt-tabbing makes your eyes bleed.

Showed my boss DevRant, and now he wants me to make a BossRant..

When your coworker appreciates your code saying it's neat and beautiful

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

Client: Why did you use Vanilla JavaScript? Even my child doesn't eat vanilla.

Me: Uhh..., you realise we are not talking about ice-cream right?
Right?
RIGHT?

I switched to using Ubuntu as my primary development environment about a month ago from Windows and I couldn't be happier! The initial setup was a pain in the neck (esp. display scaling issues, which Windows 10 is much better at than Ubuntu), but now that it's all set up, I'm lovin' it!

Looking for a bug.

Plugged headphone into my ears.

Suddenly part of code caught my attention, started debugging.

10 minutes of intense debugging, wondering why there's no music in my ear.

Realised I forgot to plug the headphone into my mobile :(

Relative: oh you went to a hackathon? What did you hack into? The government?

1. learns java at uni
2. never uses java again

BEST THING EVER

> be me
> want to write troll "viruses" to fck arround with frieds
> write batch files
> shit everyone can see what I do
> google 'how to make exe'
> install VS
> google 'make exe with vb.net'
> spend 3hr/s copying the Internet
> send friend exe
> blocked by antivirus
> write other bullshit
> actually learn stuff
> shit I'm kinda good at this
> keep going
> 4 years later
> be system administrator / devop / web dev / app dev / desktop dev
> get paid
> inb4 wants to troll friend - finds dream job instead

!rant

Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?

Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.

Customer: That's an interesting analogy.

Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁

I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's an escape - I don't even have a home anymore
.
.
.
Definitely time for a new keyboard

So, this random teen on subway asked me if it was 9GAG I was scrolling [i was on this app ofc]. I said it's better than 9GAG.
He went on like this "oh cool, does it have the the NSFW section too?"
...
Me: a...No, but can learn coding stuff
Him: hacking?
Me: hacking is not what you thin... [He interrupted me]
Him: Damn cool, I wanna learn hacking, it's my stop nice meeting you tell me the name of the app
Me: a...9...ha...ck, 9hack!
Him: cool, thanks. [Gets off]

(Um...Some people just don't deserve DevRant, if you know what I mean)

LalaLan

UI design gone wrong

Asks Cortana to tell a joke, and Cortana opens Bing. Made my day, well played Cortana

That's a good one!