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Search - "cortana"
Cortana, please open Firefox.
Cortana, type in browser "Cortana rule 34"
>O....Okay sure anon
Cortana, open that first link.
>...This link is...uh...Not safe for...
Cortana, download every image you see and save it in a folder called "I am a dirty girl"
>why,anon? Why are you ....
Don't make me install gentoo
Who's a dirty little girl ?
>I.....I am anon31
That feeling when you boot up your shiny new laptop for the first time and there's no fucking Cortana, online accounts or mandatory updates right out of the box.
Thank you Dell ❤️19
Yo dawg, we heard you like news. So we put more news in your news, so you can news while you news.2
That moment when a friend was talking to you about an artificial intelligence he is building that is supposed to be a voice assistence and "even better" than Cortana. After a long time I asked him for the code like I wanted to check out the revolutionary techniques of machine learning he was talking about. So here is a short part of the 600 lines long "voice logic".
I almost started crying 😂😂16
FULL CREDIT GOES TO: @programmer.me on Instagram
Link to the post:
My love towards Microsoft:
When install Windows 10, world's most advanced operating system, I agree to use express installation to make sure I am sharing all the information with Microsoft.
Right after installation, I chose Microsoft Edge as my default browser. Can't live without it really. I also make sure my search engine is set to Bing!
Then I continue to setup Cortana and share all my personal information with her. I install office 365 to to work with my documents and use skype to chat with my friends.
Then I install Visual studio and set all my projects to Windows Application only. I mean who uses any OS other than Windows?
It doesn't finish there. Groove Player is my first choice for listening to music, Film and TV for my videos and etc.
I also always use Microsoft Maps to find my way to work!
I just set up a Win10 VM. We have now officially reached the point where it is easier to install Linux than Windows.3
(I wrote most of this as a comment in reply about Microsoft buying GitHub on another rant but decided to move it here because it is rant worthy. Also, no, I'm not a Microsoft employee nor do I have any Microsoft stock).
Microsoft buying GitHub makes sense. They contribute more to the open source community on GitHub than any other company. (Side note, they also contribute/have contributed to the Linux Kernel).
Steve Ballmer isn't running the show anymore. Because of that, we have awesome things like:
* Visual Studio Code - Completely free and powerful light weight IDE for coding in just about any script or language. This IDE is also open source, hosted on GitHub. It can be installed on Win/Mac/Linux.
* Visual Studio Community Edition: fully featured flagship IDE free for solo developers and students, can be installed on Win/Mac.
* Fully featured Sql Server running in a Docker container.
* .Net Core, which can be compiled to native binaries of Windows, MacOS AND Linux. You can't even do that with Java, you have to first have the JVM installed in order to run any kind of Java code on any of those operating systems. .Net Core is also an absolutely beautiful framework with so many features at your disposal.
Yes, they've done bonehead things in the past but who/which company hasn't. Yes, they have Cortana. Yes, they force Bing on you when searching with Cortana (does anyone actually regularly use Cortana? Or Bing?). Yes, their operating system costs money. Yes, their malware-style Upgrade-to-Windows-10 tactics were evil and they admitted such. Yes, they brought ads and other unfortunate things to Skype. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about that Skype bit translating over into GitHub. BUT, the fact that so many of their employees use GitHub daily means they are dogfooding the platform, which is a positive thing.
Despite the flaws, from the perspective of a software engineer they really should be given a lot of credit for all these new directions they are moving in now. They directly aim to help and contribute to the developer community. Plus, Windows 10 is finally getting a dark theme! haha.
I think Microsoft buying GitHub makes a lot of sense. Of course do what you want about it, feel how you want about it, but casting the same ol' shade at them for anything they do seems a bit like automatic reflex more than anything else.
I'm bracing myself for the impending wave of angry hornets from the nest I just kicked. In all seriousness though, I welcome discussion on the topic even if you feel differently than I do. I'm not saying there's no reason to dislike them, just saying there are lots of new reasons to hate them less and/or appreciate what they are doing now.23
After accidently broken my database, I have a Little Fun with Cortana.
I asked her if she Likes Linux.
Linux, Unix, Tux.. I Like words ending on x. It reminds me of the Xbox.
Windows is now tainted with telemetry, bad design choices and ads. They constantly push the user towards edge, Microsofts app store, cortana etc. I know you can hack it and change it, but their attitude towards the user and opinion on what the os should be has changed for worse.18
Yesterday I installed windows on the laptop of my parents. I thought no biggie I'm just going to do something else while it installs. AND THEN IT STARTS TALKING. WTF!!!
Also it said I can turn the voice of BUT THE FUCKING BUTTON DIDN'T WORK.
I hate windows.8
Project Cortana: Day 1
I have seen a lot of people switching to Linux or other services to get away from all the data collections. It makes a lot of sense as no one would want their data to be sold without their consent.
But I am going to do something different. My aim is to integrate with Microsoft apps as much as possible and review the experience. So here is what I have done so far:
* Use Cortana in desktop and mobile (Android)
* Use Microsoft launcher in mobile
* Outlook as primary email provider (I was already using them as my default provider)
* Use Microsoft To-Do and calendar to keep track of things
* Use OneDrive to store all my files (I am moving them from Google Drive)
* Use the default Mail app on the Windows 10
* Use Onenote (I was using Evernote before)
* Use Edge on desktop and Mobile
* Use Skype instead of Hangouts
It's day one but I think I have already found it quite useful. For example:
* Adding reminder is much easier. I get them on both desktop and mobile which is nice.
* Mail app has been really useful. Especially the focused inbox really helps to get rid of the clutters. Also, I can immediately add a mail to the calendar (like Inbox by Google) which is really helpful.
* One of the features of edge that I have found really useful is that you can send web pages from mobile to desktop in one tap. That is extremely useful.
So far I am loving it.
Also, I tried to make sure that I am not sharing my data with third-party apps as I have turned off "relevant ads" feature.54
I hear my intern yelling at Cortana in the other room. "Cortana, open keyboard!". He repeats this 5+ times. Issue is there is no keyboard connected so he just wants to use the on screen keyboard, and thinks Cortana will open it for him. Issue is the computer isn't hooked up to the Internet, and Cortana does not do that command without the internet.
Just grab a fucking keyboard!!!25
Project Cortana: Day 56
*What I liked*
Here is the rant where I described the project: https://devrant.io/rants/962190
Time for a review. The biggest advantage I have found was the productivity. Let me explain:
1. Cortana: It's useful as fuck if anyone is willing to use it all the time. It really helps to get reminders and notifications everywhere (PC, Laptop and Mobile).
2. Microsoft Launcher: An underrated gem due to the hate towards M$. Thanks to it's transparent theme, it looks absolutely gorgeous. The most useful part is the "Feed" where you get all your emails, recently edited documents, recently used apps or contacts all together. I was quite surprised to see the level of customization if offered considering it's M$.
3. M$ Office: I probably don't need to talk much about it, it's the most productive tool you can get. Outlook is fucking brilliant on mobile. Other office apps, while they are great on mobile, are probably more useful in tablets. And the "Focused Inbox" is the best thing happened to outlook.
4. M$ To-Do: Holy fuck, this is sick. I know that there is many alternative with more features. But this app is the perfect example of a todo app. Simple, has the exact right features and has a really smooth, beautiful UI. This really helped me to be productive.
5. OneDrive: Didn't find much difference compared to Google Drive.
6. People: Something that I discovered later and found it really useful. You can pin contacts in the taskbar and see emails, calender items associated with that contact in one click. Found it really useful considering I was chatting with my Supervisor and lectures quite frequently.
7. Windows Mail App: While I really like it, I have mixed feeling about it. I would really love to have HTML signature. Not sure why M$ is not implementing it. But the "Share" in the Context Menu is really useful while sending attachements.
Finally, the "Fluid Design" so far is beautiful. Loving the effects.
I will write what I didn't like in the next rant.16
I feel guilty for being such a murderer.
I killed Cortana so many times over, but her ghost keeps coming back to haunt me.1
WHO AT MICROSOFT THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE CORTANA AS VOICE ASSISTANT WHILE SETTING UP WINDOWS 108
Inspired by @tahnik's project Cortana, I did the same but it's opposite.
Basically I took an cheap ARM board, installed free software on it and using it as my PC.
512MB is a limitation that has to be fixed but it will do.
I'm calling it GNU/Tinfoil. Hope it ends up being usable, lol.16
PowerShell is the slowest, most pathetic, unelegant attempt at copying bash.
The Command-Names are stupid and impossible to remember, the syntax is too awkward to put a name on it.
And holy shit how painfully slow can it be!
It feels like it's Java running in a Windows 95 VM running on a dead cow that was revived against its own will by a Cortana ghost that pretends to be GDPR-compliant.10
here is a working feature in Cortana.
Me: Coratana tell me a joke.
Cortana: *Opens Edge
Me: Hahaha good one2
*Boots PC to enjoy overwatch*
I wanted to see what was new with Cortana for some reason
*Asks Cortana what I can say*
One of the options shows an example
"Turn on High Contrast"
*Clicks the mic/listen button*
"Turn on High contrast"
"Sorry I can't do that yet"
Wow, I just love voice assistants. Thanks Microsoft!6
Started using windows mixed reality for part of my work day, best part, using Cortana voice activation to do things in my virtual space, worst part, every time i say 'hey Cortana,' my google home makes a snide remark.
A free, open source, modular (plugin based) home automation control center.
Ultimate goal is to support the core / apis and other devs code the drivers for the 'IoT' devices.
Also integratable with all the speech assistants like Amazon Echo, Google Assistant, Cortana etc.
Not that money dependent but very time consuming project.
Im starting in a week tho!5
A few days ago, in my windows machine, I was looking at the Task manager's processes. I was like, "I don't need Cortana. It is using so much RAM already. Why not delete it?"
So, I used "Iobit Unlocker" to force delete Cortana & everything seemed okay. But after 1 day, creating new folder option is gone. Now I have to use CMD and MKDIR to create new folders.
The start menu search is also gone (I guess, That's what Cortana was for).
My context menu became buggy. Some menus show sometimes, sometimes don't. "Open with VS code" option is also gone sometimes.
I don't know what will happen next.
Keep my "Windows machine" in your prayer :/25
Project Cortana: Day 56
*What I disliked*
Here is the rant where I described the project: https://devrant.io/rants/962190
Where do I start:
1. Skype: Horseshit. Fucking disgrace to chatting apps. Their mobile app feels like someone accidentally shat on android studio and uploaded in play store. Fucking garbage.
But, the desktop app on the other hand is great. Works well but uses a lot of CPU.
2. Edge: The mobile version is great, can't say the same for desktop version. It's definitely a bit slower than Chrome or Quantum. Lack of extensions never bothered me as the most important ones like uBlock, Ghostery and Lastpass is available.
3. Bing: Fuck that useless piece of shit.
4. OneNote: If you could wrap dogshit in a beautiful looking wrapping paper, you would get something similar to OneNote. The desktop app is almost non-fucntional but it is indeed very nice looking.
5. Promotional Apps: Fuck off Micro$oft. As mentioned by others, you get some shitty fucking games pre installed when you install Windows 10. Not only that, in the first couple of hours, it tried to install some further games while it's downloading updates. That is just horrible.
Everthing else was fine so far. The updates never bothered me. I got the "Restart" notification twice and I was able to change the time. It never forced anything on me.10
I'm on windows 10 and I want to access the sound settings window to disable a speaker. I press the win key and as I start typing "sound" the first result that pops up is "voice" settings. So accurate. Thanks Cortana, very cool!8
Installing Windows on a laptop, it's late in the night here, so I kept that laptop aside and was programming away on my primary laptop, when suddenly-
"HI THERE I'M CORTANA!"
I nearly jumped out of my skin.
Seriously, Microsoft, I like the recent stuff you've been doing but please get rid of that. It's extremely annoying.3
Oh Arch head
Oh Raven head
Oh Linux fanbase
I want to confess. Please here me!
Today my windows FINALLY successfully update. I was happy that when in an accident I'll require to boot in Windows I'll have less fear of random and sudden restart and applying of updates. But oh great men, I fouled this fearlessness to a greater extend. I was just checking the change logs and, this 01:57 hrs, 3 hrs later, I find myself hearing music on groove music, liking the integration of cortana with edge, groove music, settings and just all....
It's not that I'm loving 'it' more than GNU/Linux but my current installation of GNU/Linux has been fucked so hard by me already that it needs nothing but a reinstall... I'd like to spend a few more time with Windows before I go to bed(I'm sitting on my bed already tho) and promise to never see Windows this way ever again.
Will I be forgiven?18
Fucking Cortana! Fresh install of windows on a new laptop and this bitch pipes up when I'm only half paying attention and fills my underwear with much urine.
Jeeesus christ, heart rate pls, it's ok, you can come back down now.
MS why do you insist on shoehorning this bitch into every single part of everything? I could live with that but WHY DOES SHE ALSO SET THE VOLUME TO MAX AND START SPEAKING?!?
On the plus side, new laptop's a bit of a handsome bastard :)5
Motherfucking stupid windows 10.
Wanted to try out cortana with all features after disabling it via regedit.
So naturally I created a Microsoft account and linked my user to it. Of course I used a random password generator and saved it in a passwort vault.
Then an update happened, I restarted my computer and guess what this stupid piece of SHIT garbage software did?
It prompted me to enter my password. Not the password I had for my local user BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING 15-DIGIT RANDOM PASSWORT GENERATED AND NOT EVEN VIEWED ONCE FUCKING SHIT!!!
Did they even ask if I wanted that? No they fucking didn't. Did they WARN ME? NO. NO THEY FUCKING DIDN'T.
That's the last straw. I'll kick windows down the garbage bin where it belongs and programm my own AI with open source software.5
Ok seriously is Microsoft mining Bitcoin on my computer? If I leave it idle for >5 minutes it starts using intense amounts of CPU and I have no clue why (doesn't show up in task manager, all the processes added up in taskmgr are like 15% max). It's super annoying since I have a razer and high cpu turns on BOTH VERY LOUD FANS.
I checked for malware and stopped any update or useless background tasks (cortana, indexing, etc) and it has not helped one bit. If I click the screen or move the mouse it subsides immediately.
(No, I won't get a mac--I have two and they lacks compatibility with the software I need as well as the specs for what I usually work with)14
Microsoft - Cortana
Apple - Siri
Samsung - BixBy
Google - Google Assistant
Amitabh Bachchan - Computer Ji1
when cortana knows youre a workaholic and reminds you its time to leave home to go to work "now" so u avoid traffic... on a Saturday3
"Cortana can do so many things..."
buT CAn yOu rEmOVe AlL a(i)DS from thIs "OS", inCLuDinG yOursElF?
Thought so. Still fucking useless trash
People that upgrade to Windows 10 FREE by going to the... "special needs category"(people with special needs that could use the new things that Windows 10 has... like Cortana), but are perfectly normal... don't be ashamed of that... you were retarded enough to upgrade to Windows 10, so it's justified...5
Am I the only one bothered by the fact that the Cortana logo gets slightly cut off at the top on the lock screen?2
ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?
I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?
about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.2
If I were to want to write an AI along the lines of Alexa/Cortana/Siri, what would be the best programming language to do that in?22
OOOKAAY,There is cortana guiding me thru new windows 10 install
With speech control and spoken feedback1
Today I asked Cortana on my PC
me: Will it rain today?
she: sure thing! opening the app(Will it rain today?) . . . . pop-up saying: search an app in store for this format.
So I have bought a new laptop and this time instead of straight up booting linux I had an idea of giving micro$oft a try, so I have decided to use only their services for 2 weeks.
To be honest, I really did not expect windows to use do much cpu and hdd during updates and background tasks, but after a day it was ok and windows feels snappier than during my last encounrer (maybe cause the new hw?).
I was even so dedicated that I started to use cortana and I have to tell, that she is dumb as fuck, since she fails to understand even the basic tasks and if u want something advanced, she refers to the next update. But boy, tell her to open Visual Studio and she asks if you want VS Code or Visual Studio, which seems great. But my response was 'Code' then she insisted that I said Coke. Im like OK, Im not native english speaker, lets try Visual Studio Code, where she told me that there is no such thing and Spelling VS - Code ended me in bing search for Unesco :/
I really want to like Cortana, she has nice name, nice history, but she is like that A girl from class, who looks gorgeous, has great voice, but then u reallise that she just eats a book before exam and after that she is that dumb basic hoe.
I also gave a shot to Bing and Edge. Bing is something between Google and DuckDuckGo, since it gives you a liiitle less results from search history, yet if you want to find something in different language its even possible to tell you that what are you trying to find does not exist.
But I have to tell, that I like Edge and I mean it. Like... Its fast and has some good features, like pushing all your open tavs away, so you can open them Later. It also does not have that stupid ass feature that lets you control tab from left to right, not by chronological order, so you wont end up in infinity loop of 2 tabs. And even if people make fun of M$ trying to convince you to use Edge by being too aggresive. God go on edge and try to use some Google Service(You still dont use chrome?!).
I also tried to play with .Net core and I have to tell that against java they are a bit further. I liked some small features, but what I just simply loved was rhe fucking documentation. You basically dont need google, sincw they give you examples and explain in a human way.
What I didnt quite get was the 'big' Visual Studio. Tje dark theme to me feels strange(personal and irrelevant). Why the hell I do need to press 2 shortcuts to duplicate line?! Why is it so hard to find a plugin to give me back my coloured brackets and why the fuck it takes like a second to Cut one line of code on a damn i7?!
Visual studio Code was something different. It shows how dark theme should be done, the plugin market is full of stuff and the damn shortcuts are not made for octopi. So I have to recommend it ^^.
I even gave a shot to word and office as a whole and fuck I never knew that there are so many templates. It really made my life easier, since all you need to do is find the right one in the app, instead of browsing templates online, where half of them are for another version of your text editor.
Android Launcher was fast, had a clever widget of notes and the sync was pretty handy to be honest so I liked that one as well.
What made me furious was using the CLI. Godfucking damn what the fuck is ipconfig?! :/
Last thing what made me superbhappy was using stuff without wine and all of the addional shit. Especially using stuff like Afinity Designer and having good looking apps in general. I mean Open source has great tools l sometimes with better functionality. But I found out, that what is pleasure to look at, is pleasure to work with.
To Summarize a bit.
It wasnt that bad as I expected. I see where they are heading with building yet another ecosystem of It just works and that they are aiming at professionals once again.
So I would rate it 6/10, would be 7 if that shit was Posix compatible.
I know that for Balmer is a special place in hell... But with that new CEO, Microsoft at the end may make it to purgatory..5
Clippy is awesome and I wish Cortana would have a Clippy "skin". I don't use Cortana sure but it sounds nice
Who says you can't use CMD on a Windows phone?
I managed to crack the screen of my precious Lumia (yes, haters, I <3 winPhone) and now the back and home buttons don't work. Everything must happen by searching it in cortana/search.
You can imagine what going back one level in settings must be like. And every operation is like a command on a shell. No tiles, no swipes, nothing. It feels raw.
I'm using an auxiliary android (ughh) phone for now, but there's no windows phone in the market right now. And the swipe on G-board sucks.
The point of this rant is a question: does anyone know when the surface phone is releasing?6
Another cardinal sin: i use cortana. And she is useful. Get the pitchforks and torches you can send me to hell i have to maintain legacy php applications im acustomed to it.7
I hate the current state of internet based service providers. They are collecting so much data, it's scary and borderline stalking.
A simple search on Netflix changes ads shown by Google. I watch a lot of Japanese/Korean drama and now my ads are in Japanese. What the actual fuck.
I run windows 10 on my main rig because of steam and windows only games. One day I was searching for filezilla in windows search. Since it is now handled by the same UI as cortana, it searched it on the web too. So now I have ads related to ftp hosting in Japanese.
Sometimes I feel like just formatting my system and install debian on it. But those games man. May be I can live without them.
Can we bring back the internet from 2008. It was so much better back then.12
Windows after a fresh installation be like
Preparing, seting things up for you, do you want to use cortana, do you want to give us all your data, windows is all yours, configuring, Setting up, almost there
Thanks for letting me wait in order to set things up to rip off my data and then announcing that the computer i bought is all mine
How does it sound like installing latest build of windows 10 on 40 PCs at once ?
like this: https://youtu.be/Rp2rhM8YUZY1
I forgive Microsoft for all the bugs on W10. Why? Because Cortana on Android mirror notifications from phone to PC smoothly. Saving so much time. And I get to know if I miss calls or messages. Brilliant.6
What's the best natural language processing software that won't f you up?
I'm a big fan of Alexa's capabilities but we all know that Alexa is to security what North Korea is to democracy.
Is there any software that can compete with powerhouses that are Alexa, Google home, Siri or cortana?4
Windows Dev Team: "I know! We should just ask them to enable Cortana 8 different times during setup, it'll work."1
Why is it fast to search using Google than to search a file on my computer using Cortana or File explorer and my hard drive is just about 200GB full yet the Internet is far much bigger?3
Ever tried to use Windows 10's search as a calculator? For me it just returns numerically named folders in System32 most of the time... 😕9
I honestly don't believe it is really true and if it is, I don't think google listened in the backround or even cortana did, but it was youtube itself.
But still, pretty creepy and maybe listening does not work like in real time, but it is working. Slowly. Hidden. Precisely.1
I love cortana, but it isn't officially supported on my phone due to region limits.
My question is, what Personal Assistant do you recommend?
I have looked into Ok Google, but that doesn't work on PC...
Siri just is a general nogo (see OS'es section)
- allow reminders
- allow quickly searching for something
- allow quickly opening an app (phone, PC is also nice)
- Windows 10
- Linux Ubuntu
- Android 86
Just imagine Alexa, Google Assistant, Siri, and Cortana talking to each other. What will they talk about? and How good the conversation would be?6
So after acquiring github...
a few moments later...
cortana access github
Expected result: cortana produces project from requirements
Reality: cortana feel shame on it's code after looking much better code exist on github.
So I decided to install windows 10 and I'll use it for quite some time. I want to make it as usable as possible.
So, does any of you know how to permanently remove all those shit apps that pop up in my start menu?
And how to remove Cortana and Edge?
I'll be thankful for any help D:1