The funniest Github issue log I've seen, and probably will ever see...

Who else has this superpower?!

I have gotten to the point that I need to remember with exact details how my weekend went. It's become a common Monday question.

Security at its finest

A minute's silence for the "Known issues" ! 🤐

THERE ISNT A GODDAMN MARGIN THERE WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

FUCK THE WINDOWS TEXT EDITOR FOR USING UNICODE WITHOUT TELLING ME. I SPEND HALF AN OUR FIGURING OUT WHY "1" COULDN'T BE PARSED INTO AN INTEGER.

Found this today.

It's in production!

Over-analyzing jokes, ruining them for everyone.

I submit all my code changes to the integration stream. Co worker integrates my code removes all my changes that breaks his hacky crap. Then complains his stuff doesn't work. I ask him why he he did not conform to the requirments says cause this is what worked before. I look at code see he assigns a value in the message to zero. I ask ever so politely why he is changing the incomming messages. He says this is what works. I Then send an email to him telling him this in an error. He reply saying this it what works. At stand up he complains and says no messages are getting through it doesn't work. The team tells him to revert to the original code. (My code) and update his code after two days of emails to bosses and complaining he reports it works with my code after he is done. He is the senior senior chief grand Pooba and makes more money than me.

PM comes into my office: "Hey, if <client> asks about his edits, just tell him they're scheduled for this week."
me: "I thought they were scheduled for this week, I thought that you were currently in a meeting to get final specs so you could tell me what needed changed."
PM: "Yeah, he wants to take the plugin from 5 steps down to 3, we told him it wouldn't be a problem and we would have it done this week."
me: "Ok, there are limitations as far as what I can cut out of the process, his tag line when he started as a client was '5 easy steps' and I built something that did what he wanted in 5 steps. Changing things this late in the game is not simple, I'm talking a minimum 6 hours of work."
PM: "Well I tried to make sure that what he wanted was possible but I didn't have a developer in the meeting. It shouldn't change anything that much."

He ended up scheduling a meeting with me and the designer to go over the edits Thursday afternoon. So I will have the new specifications which I said would be a minimum 6 hours of work and I will be given ~10 hours in which to do it. I sure hope nothing unexpected pops up while I'm working on this.

I'm also the only developer this week (and technically speaking I'm junior) since our senior dev wrecked his car over the weekend and isn't planning on being in all week. I'm the only computer literate person in the office of 50 or so, which means that if there is any kind of tech issue I'm ripped away from my desk for 'emergency help'. I have two other sites to get ready for client approval meetings by Friday afternoon and if the clients approve I will be launching their sites that afternoon as well.

The sign on my door currently says "Error 500: unable to handle your request" I need something to throw at these people.

So today's conversation with my co-worker who built our build system...

Me:OS X build server is not building valid installs.
Him:What's the problem?
Me:The KEXT is not rebuild... I think that Jenkins isn't capable of updating the file because of the permissions the script set when you test compiled it manually... Could you please add Jenkins user to sudoers file or something?
Him:Yes of course, but what should I google?

WTF dude? Do you even think yourself? And for some reason no-one has acces to the build servers configs exept for him and he shows up like 3 times a week...

Windows at it again .. and it failed to install

When your system is just slow and you want to do a disk cleanup

Result: hidden storage uncovered 😂. Invisible storage space. 😂😂☁️🌦🌥🌧
(Zoom in to see what I mean 😂😂)

Okay so somebody looked at this code and thought "yeah this is fine, it's going to compile"

When they expect you to construct something which was defined just by a name, and you have absolutely no clue..: