User: "What should I do? I'm confused."

Uber driver: What do you do?

Me: I make apps and do some server side programming

Uber driver: Does that mean you have to type in 1s and 0s all day?

Me: I use Git!

Classmates: what's that? A Softdrink?

Me: Nevermind. Just Copy the source code on gooogle drive.

Classmates: Thanks!

Me: -_-

When they expect you to construct something which was defined just by a name, and you have absolutely no clue..:

Me: *Applies for entry level full-stack job*

Recruiter: "Sorry, I can't hire you because you don't have the years of experience we're looking for. We can take you on as an intern! Unpaid of course, while we train you."🙂

Clueless Me: "Sure, why not."

*second day into the internship*

Boss: "I have this really big project, and I want you to be the lead. I'm going to be very vague about what I want, so you'll constantly have to make changes to user stories, wireframes, & database designs until I'm satisfied. Don't ask me any questions for clarity, because I'm busy 🙂"

Silly Me: "okay"

Boss: "Also, can you train all the other interns? You're so lucky! You'll get to pick the best to join your team" 🙂

Stupid Me: "okay"

Boss: *emails me a spreadsheet of 80 Front-End interns (freshmen and sophomores)*
"Did you start building the app yet?" 🙂

Me (Dummy): "You haven't approved the final wireframes ye-"

Boss: "And for the other interns' training, what did you have in mind?" 🙂

Me (Dumbass): "I made a training guide, they're already followi-"

Boss: "My project manager for this other project left, guess he couldn't handle the pressure of a real job... HAHAHAHA! You're gonna take the lead of that project, too!"
*Adds me to the slack group* 😁

Me (Imbecile): "Wha-"

Boss: "And we've been having trouble with keeping track of everyone's code. Is there something we can do instead of slacking code snippets back and forth?" 🤔😮

Me (Fucking Imbecile): "Wait, you guys are working on a project and you don't have any form of version control? Maybe we should take a few steps back and plan thi-"

Boss: "Are you gonna take initiative or not!?" 😡

Me (Enlightened): "I quit." 😑

Former Boss: "Too bad... I was going to offer you a paid role tomorrow morning. Oh well!" 😔

I absolutely HATE "web developers" who call you in to fix their FooBar'd mess, yet can't stop themselves from dictating what you should and shouldn't do, especially when they have no idea what they're doing.

So I get called in to a job improving the performance of a Magento site (and let's just say I have no love for Magento for a number of reasons) because this "developer" enabled Redis and expected everything to be lightning fast. Maybe he thought "Redis" was the name of a magical sorcerer living in the server. A master conjurer capable of weaving mystical time-altering spells to inexplicably improve the performance. Who knows?

This guy claims he spent "months" trying to figure out why the website couldn't load faster than 7 seconds at best, and his employer is demanding a resolution so he stops losing conversions. I usually try to avoid Magento because of all the headaches that come with it, but I figured "sure, why not?" I mean, he built the website less than a year ago, so how bad can it really be? Well...let's see how fast you all can facepalm:

1.) The website was built brand new on Magento 1.9.2.4...what? I mean, if this were built a few years back, that would be a different story, but building a fresh Magento website in 2017 in 1.x? I asked him why he did that...his answer absolutely floored me: "because PHP 5.5 was the best choice at the time for speed and performance..." What?!

2.) The ONLY optimization done on the website was Redis cache being enabled. No merged CSS/JS, no use of a CDN, no image optimization, no gzip, no expires rules. Just Redis...

3.) Now to say the website was poorly coded was an understatement. This wasn't the worst coding I've seen, but it was far from acceptable. There was no organization whatsoever. Templates and skin assets are being called from across 12 different locations on the server, making tracking down and finding a snippet to fix downright annoying.

But not only that, the home page itself had 83 custom database queries to load the products on the page. He said this was so he could load products from several different categories and custom tables to show on the page. I asked him why he didn't just call a few join queries, and he had no idea what I was talking about.

4.) Almost every image on the website was a .PNG file, 2000x2000 px and lossless. The home page alone was 22MB just from images.

There were several other issues, but those 4 should be enough to paint a good picture. The client wanted this all done in a week for less than $500. We laughed. But we agreed on the price only because of a long relationship and because they have some referrals they got us in the door with. But we told them it would get done on our time, not theirs. So I copied the website to our server as a test bed and got to work.

After numerous hours of bug fixes, recoding queries, disabling Redis and opting for higher innodb cache (more on that later), image optimization, js/css/html combining, render-unblocking and minification, lazyloading images tweaking Magento to work with PHP7, installing OpCache and setting up basic htaccess optimizations, we smash the loading time down to 1.2 seconds total, and most of that time was for external JavaScript plugins deemed "necessary". Time to First Byte went from a staggering 2.2 seconds to about 45ms. Needless to say, we kicked its ass.

So I show their developer the changes and he's stunned. He says he'll tell the hosting provider create a new server set up to migrate the optimized site over and cut over to, because taking the live website down for maintenance for even an hour or two in the middle of the night is "unacceptable".

So trying to be cool about it, I tell him I'd be happy to configure the server to the exact specifications needed. He says "we can't do that". I look at him confused. "What do you mean we 'can't'?" He tells me that even though this is a dedicated server, the provider doesn't allow any access other than a jailed shell account and cPanel access. What?! This is a company averaging 3 million+ per year in revenue. Why don't they have an IT manager overseeing everything? Apparently for them, they're too cheap for that, so they went with a "managed dedicated server", "managed" apparently meaning "you only get to use it like a shared host".

So after countless phone calls arguing with the hosting provider, they agree to make our changes. Then the client's developer starts getting nasty out of nowhere. He says my optimizations are not acceptable because I'm not using Redis cache, and now the client is threatening to walk away without paying us.

So I guess the overall message from this rant is not so much about the situation, but the developer and countless others like him that are clueless, but try to speak from a position of authority.

If we as developers don't stop challenging each other in a measuring contest and learn to let go when we need help, we can get a lot more done and prevent losing clients. </rant>

//Long rant

[Boss man]: Hey, we need you to build us a web app.

[Me]: Okay, what do you need it to do?

[Boss man]: We need staff to be able to login from anywhere, create new appointments, check room availability, display live times for the rooms, schedule future appointments, record all the data as stats and export the stats to (email address).

[Me]: Okay, sounds useful, anything else?

[Boss man]: we also need it to send all relevant data to a calendar where certain staff will be notified by email of events.

[Me]: Okay... I'll get right on starting this.

[Boss man]: So you can have it done by the end of the day? (4 hours from this time)

[Me]: *Internal screaming* *WHAT THE FUCK* Uhm, no, I don't think that is possible to complete in a four hour period by myself.

[Boss man]: Okay, well by tomorrow then, I'm leaving for the day though, have a good one.

[Me]....

//End long rant

Lamer rant

For a really long time I said to myself that this is too basic to rant about but lately it became so frequent and extreme that here is my rant about completely clueless users that ask me IT related questions.

Disclaimer: Said users are people that I generally can't avoid. Distant family members, neighbors and etc.

Case 0:
U: I don't know what's happening!! The computer doesn't work!!
M: What do you mean?
U: There's no Facebook! And everything is stuck and no messenger!!!
M: The WiFi on your laptop was off. I turned it on. Still, this doesn't mean that the pc wasn't working.
U: I don't understand this shit!!!

Case 1:
U: I hate this computer!!! It never works!!! Help meeee!!!
M: What now?
U: Where did the internet disappear?!
M: (assuming it's wifi or browser related)
Actually user moved the Chrome window to bottom-right corner and lost it.

Every time I try to show the user how I resolve the issue the user yells that there are too many steps, that they are complicated and that I'm a bad teacher and doing it too fast.

Case 2:
U: My computer is so slow! It barely can load google translate! And I can't listen to music on youtube!! Shitty laptop! It's you! Your computers in the apartment drain everything!!!
M: You have no idea what you are talking about.
U: My husband told me that your computers are heavy and drain everything!
M: What exactly did he tell you that my devices drain?
U: I don't know! All the energy! I believe him! He knows!
M: My computers drain less electricity than your vacuum and I have a separate internet connection. Not only we share nothing but also I drain nothing.
U: Since you appeared all the computers are slow!!!!

Fkk...

Case 3:
U: I don't understand, where is my whatsapp?
M: You can't locate the app on your phone?
U: Yes! F*ck, help me! I'm so angry and I really need this NOW!!!
M: Shut up. I'm already here and helping.
(I open users phone and whatsapp is the active app...)
U: I can' t find my whatsapp with Clara!

F*ck you! F*ck you! Ghckjfshij!!!

Case 4:
(crazy hitting on my door)
U: I don't have THE internet!!!
It's you again! You took all of THE internet!!!
M: No, it doesn't work like that. Your provider is bad, your package is cheap and your cables are of low quality.
U: I need THE internet immediately!!! Stop playing with your typing and fix the facebook or I'll cut the power cables to the house!!

I can go on, just don't think that recalling all those events is healthy for me.

I work at a small retail store and we have quite a few regular customers who know I'm studying computer science because I'm always coding at work on my laptop.

One lady who comes in quite often and is very sweet asked me if I would take a look at her phone. She said she bought it and paid the owner of a phone repair store to set it up for her, but was felt like he did something weird to it. I told her I wasn't an expert but would look at it.

Oh my god. This guy set up her phone connected to his own personal icloud account. All of his music was on there. All of his contacts were on there. All of his pictures were on there. Even nude pictures of multiple people that this lady said she definitely does not know. I tell her this is very very wrong and no one in their right mind should've set her phone up this way.

I automatically think to factory reset. I'm unfamiliar with iPhone, as the last time I used one was an iPhone4 many years ago. I was unaware that apple applies an authentication lock when the phone is reset.
The authentication is set up underneath yet ANOTHER email address that belongs to this guy, as this lady promised me she has no knowledge of any email address similar to the one listed, nor does she have access to it.

I tell her to call the guy and ask for her money back and to unlock her phone so that she can reset it herself.

He claims that he cannot accept refunds if a factory reset has been performed.

Uhm, I am calling SOOOOO much bullshit. There should be absolutely no reason why the owner of the phone cannot factory reset it. The owner should be able to do ANYTHING she wants with it, without being locked out of it because some creep at a repair store did NOT DO HIS JOB CORRECTLY AND HE KNOWS IT. Why else would he claim he can't refund if it's been reset, because he KNOWS she got locked out.

So long story short I talked on the phone with him and cussed him out telling him he was wrong for taking advantage of someone who doesn't know much about technology and that he was invading privacy and violating her security and that i would report him if he didn't fully refund her and unlock her phone.

He gave her all of her money back, unlocked the phone (which she is deciding to sell because she got so scared by this), and I'm still filing a complaint against this man and his store. Who knows how many more clueless people he did this too. Fucking scumbag.

Sales Advisor: "4GB is more on a mac.. they use different measurements.."... at that point I gave up trying to get some info out of him

FUCK ME I'M A STUPID FUCKING MORON.

I just spent three motherfucking ours trying to figure out why a function I wrote didn't return what I expected, I was totally clueless, basically rewrote it in its entirety multiple times. When it still didn't work, I really started doubting my understanding of what I was doing…

… until I found out I just messed up in the fucking function call and the function was actually returning what it's supposed to. 😵

You know side projects? Well I took on one. An old customer asked to come and take over his latest startups companys tech. Why not, I tought. Idea is sound. Customer base is ripe and ready to pay.

I start digging and the Hardware part is awesome. The guys doing the soldering and imbedded are geniuses. I was impressed AF.

I commit and meet up with CEO. A guy with a vision and sales orientation/contacts. Nice! This shit is gonna sell. Production lines are also set.

Website? WTF is this shit. Owner made it. Gotta give him the credit. Dude doesn't do computers and still managed to online something. He is still better at sales so we agree that he's gonna stick with those and I'll handle the tech.

I bootstrap a new one in my own simplistic style and online it. I like it. The owner likes it. He made me to stick to a tacky logo. I love CSS and bootstrap. You can make shit look good quick.

But I still don't have access to the soul of the product. DBs millions rows of data and source for the app I still behind the guy that has been doing this for over a year.

He has been working on a new version for quite some time. He granted access to the new versions source, but back end and DB is still out of reach. Now for over month has passed and it's still no new version or access to data.

Source has no documentation and made in a flavor of JS frame I'm not familiar with. Weekend later of crazy cramming I get up to speed and it's clear I can't get further without the friggin data.

The V2 is a scramble of bleeding edge of Alpha tech that isn't ready for production and is clearly just a paid training period for the dev. And clearly it isn't going so well because release is a month late. I try to contact, but no reaction. The owner is clueless.

Disheartening. A good idea is going to waste because of some "dev" dropping a ball and stonewalling the backup.

I fucking give him till the end of the next week until I make the hardware team a new api to push the data and refactor the whole thing in proper technologies and cut him off.

Please. If you are a dev and don't have the time to concentrate on the solution don't take it on and kill off the idea. You guys are the key to making things happening and working. Demand your cut but also deserve it by delivering or at least have the balls to tell you are not up for it.

*sigh* Don't you just love it when people are clueless?
The IT staff were mucking around in the server room today to try to find out why our internet connection was getting bottlenecked. One of the IT dudes found an old PC with the software monitoring our connection on it. To make a long story short he infected it with a fucking virus. The virus spread through all unprotected computers on the network (alot) and killed our prod server. We have backups yes, but I seriously think management is considering just giving up and starting from scratch. Oh, and we lost a full years worth of work because the same idiot corrupted our most recent backup.
FML

Me being an Intern about 3 Months ago (first time)

"What is that?"
"What? How?"
"*Being clueless sometime*"
"*Google's tons of shit*"
"Im so confused"

For about 9 hours...

!dev && rant

I just saw this video about car insurance and how they're essentially legal fraud. As I'm looking to get a driver's license and get myself a secondhand car, I looked what the costs actually are for mandatory car insurance that gets people so worked up...

€400 per fucking year?! And many companies that get well into the €1000?!!!! No surprise that people get so worked up about it! The budget of my entire fucking car would be only around €2000!!!!

Guess I'll be looking into building an electric bike then.. money grabbing corporate motherfuckers! And what for.. only because the average driver is a clueless operator of a killing machine?! FUCK THIS SHIT!!! 🤬

Why computers are like men:

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers are like women:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Them: Migrating their repositories to gitlab/bitbucket.

My classmates: using Google docs as Version Control.

Whenever I have to work on others' code

"Wanted: Dangerous PHP Developer"

I edit on live during peak hours with no backups using basic Notepad over an unencrypted network. That dangerous enough?

Hello everyone,
I am a french student and I was wondering if college sucks everywhere ...
This is my third college year and I have the feeling that I am wasting my time.

I am in a quite good engineering school but most of the programming courses suck because «teachers» are clueless about the course that they give.

I am not here to tell that «I am better than them blabla» but I just wanted to know if the quality of education has slightly dropped not only in France.

I am really interested in your opinion, feel free to debate in the comments :)

My family is pretty clueless about what I do, but they are genuinely curious. My mom especially. She always asks questions about stuff I'm learning and tries her best to understand.

I might do a little course in programming for anyone in my family who wants to learn. Helps a lot in how people solve problems, and would help reinforce my knowledge.

Question is, do I teach them a low level language like C, or something that's a bit easier to understand, like Python?

Why computers are like men:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Can't believe a student, that got higher grade in Database Management System, asked me
"How do you connect 2 Tables in SQL?"

Well I did help her, but please...

"STACKOVERFLOW"

They gave me a file, .php, that was the entire webapp. THE ENTIRE THING IN A SINGLE FILE. It's frustrating that I have to organize this before I even start working on my tasks.

I guess its not super horrible since it's a rookie project but it's still horribly and unnecessarily time consuming.

“Your idea is not valuable, at all. All value is in the execution. You think you are an exception; you are not. You should not insist on an NDA to talk about it; nobody serious will engage in contract review over an idea, and this will mark you as clueless.” Patrick McKenzie

That moment when a new client asks for help with their iPad and you ask them what model it is. "It's an Insignia brand iPad," they say proudly.

Let that sink in. It's a few layers.

Then they want you to set up 2 laptops, a TV and this unknown tablet so that they can talk to each other, with an as-on-tv fake diamond ring as payment.

Let that sink in.

If you want me, I'll be hiding under the couch.

The moment when you see "block chain" on a client's road map, but they can't tell you what that is or what they want to use it for

Being a developer is like being a mechanic at a car manufacturer. Except that everybody else in the company is completely clueless about how a car actually works and the client doesn't have a license.

When your boss uses random buzz words to sound as though they know what they are talking about.

When you are surrounded by idiots

My company’s upper leadership is sooo focused on the NUMBER of defects that are open on our project and only the number. We give each defect a priority of P0, P1, or P2. You would think this would help prioritize and strategize our plan to fix them. But nope. Every week we have some arbitrary “goal” to hit. A number purely made up by clueless leadership as to what makes a “quality” product.

On Friday’s, managers start harassing devs to merge their fixes and for QA to close out defects. So effectively rushing to hit that arbitrary number or else we’ll have to work Saturday.

Meanwhile they want more test automation coverage to reduce the incoming defect rate. But when the fuck do we have time to develop said tests when all you want is the defect closed to bring down your precious little number?!

They’d rather us close 25 P2 defects to bring the number down rather than 10 P0 or P1 defects. These leaders are so incompetent it kills me! Without any back story, they’re ultimately the reason we’re in this position in the first place! Argghhh!

That feeling when lead dev hid a couple of really secret bugs for you, and then left for vacation... *cough* @BinaryProvider 😉

1. My DataStructure teacher taught us the whole subject without a single code snippet.
2. I once had to sit and code in front of the teacher to prove that I did write the code this fast.
3. The first lab in CS bachelor's started with "This is monitor, mouse and cpu. The button in cpu switches it on". Some people still stood clueless there.

So I was in an interview for a web developer position in a startup and the interviewer said to me "Do you think you'll be able to help the guys with CAD design?" I have no idea what to say. Does this guy even know what a developer is??!?!? I mean not that I dont know how to use CAD, but I'm applying as a DEVELOPER, not a product designer

Dev copied code from one screen (web) to another and was clueless as to why it kept doing what the code did on the original screen. Are you f***ing kidding me? How the F**K are you allowed to exist in this industry?

As a student on platforms like these, hearing people talk about languages and concepts you've never heard of

My boss refuses to take any of recommendations for improving the companies out dated website because "our age market is 50-60" it has to be blan and simple.

Like seriously what the fuck, this is why no other generation is staying in the webpage more then 30 seconds!

I know this guy through some mutual friends that tries to brag about everything he does that involves a computer in some way.

One time (probably 4 months ago), he used inspect element to replace the text on the Google homepage with like Amazon versions (Amazon mail, Amazon drive, etc), then proceeded to take a picture of the screen WITH HIS PHONE and show every single person he saw.

Every time I talk to him, he always brings up some pointless thing he did to make it seem like he knows what he's doing. But whenever I mention some more specific stuff (today I mentioned Linux), he claims to know exactly what I'm talking about but quickly changes the subject to something about his car (he drives a Jeep and has to let everyone know, like an Arch Linux user)

Dude just claims to know everything there is to know and can't back it up and it gets more annoying every fucking day

Anyone else ever have to deal with someone that clearly don't know a ton, but knows just enough to be dangerous/annoying as fuck?

This book be like

Friend: Can you explain this?
I(clueless): Sure ...

And the time has come, my gf and I are just a month away from deploying yet we still call the project "project".

Usually solutions jump in my head when programming at least once a day but I can't name the damn thing for the love of God! It's the first night since we started development I have felt clueless.

Plus I don't want to be "that guy" that just gives it a generic name, like there's already a "ratemyprofessors", professor this, teacher that, fuck that shit!

I'm brain dead.

Ranting after many light years (oops that's a unit of distance)

Damn Damn Damn.

There is complex workflow engine, and the only thing I know is once you fix and get success response from method A(), call method B().

After 2 days and nights effort, method A() is fixed and I am getting success response.

Now, when I pass this response to B()

One data is missing and hence failing.

Where the hell is that data getting kicked out...

I am in a dead end. I don't even know where to look.
Pinged engineers for help but all in vain till now.

Working on one of world's largest system, and I am miserable in debugging with this system.

And the worst part is there is nothing that I can turn off and on so that it works.

(Don't blame me. I am not that dumb. I just started using it since 3 days)

I am convinced my "boss" is this clueless

I got an email from a seemingly random gmail address with 'essential!' written in the title.

Turns out that this was my university trying to contact me. They expect me to send my full name, university and other personal information directly over a Google survey in an email from an address I don't recognise with an unprofessional subject.

Safe to say, I didn't fill that one in.

Was helping my dad with his Arduino project when I realized something beautiful about being a programmer.

I have never worked with Arduinos and I'm clueless about hardware stuff but I was still able to debug, go through documentation, example code and fix the issues.

Programming is equally about the passion, dedication and ability + curiosity to solve a new problem as is writing some piece of quality code.

I might have taken a while to realize it but it sure is a wonderful feeling.

When I just spent 45 minutes ripping my code apart clueless why something so simple won't work, just to find out that the problem is spelling event.keyCode as event.keycode.. maybe don't code while tired at 1am rookie. Complete moron over here

Been working a year and a half on an offer for a client to plan their new system. Today they wanted us to construct the whole system and call it a beta only to pay 10% of the total costs. They said it is our responsibility to make the budget work as they are merely the "end users and not tech people". I am considering to tell them to go f**k themselves tomorrow.

Rolled out a new application I built almost entirely by myself 2 days ago... But my dev group is understaffed and has a project manager who is literally the most clueless person I have ever met, so as a result, we don't have a functional/useful dev/test/prod framework and no standards for how to deploy apps. So my past 2 days were comprised of fixing bugs in the live system that could probably have been caught if I had the time and resources to get everything thoroughly tested. It's stable now, but damn our management for being generally idiots. Our motto appears to be "Fuck it, we'll do it live"

Before Dev rant clueless about how to create a app that shows 360view of a car, and change the content when different Color is clicked

After basic idea from Dev rant
Finally able to figure it out and built it in 2 days. Honestly got lot of irritation at first, because have to learn everything from scratch and lots of errors.

My Teacher wouldn't understand the responsiveness of UI I designed and gave me 10pts for that.

I was told that my design is too unrealistic and idealistic for it to implement..
I used some css framework(to reduce the amount of work to be done) and javascript.

My dream is to become a web developer and make Desktop application with a use of ElectronJS(Currently devRantron is using).

One last thing... FUCK YOU, FOR GIVING ME A LOW SCORE FOR MY DESIGN.

Debug in microsoft word document

I am not gonna lie. I am really excited with the changes coming to Magento with the release of 2.3.0.

I think it will help with the huge problem in the Magento community with devs who are very incompetent but somehow keep getting significant income from clueless clients as Adobe has introduced many changes including deprecating the entire frontend, making it PWA, so react, vue, or any other framework can be used to create the frontend, all backend calls will be through the graph-ql api.

They introduced strict PHP typing, very advanced OO designs, and this deprecates 99% of all stack overflow answers and tutorials which makes me very happy.

Read the damn classes if you want to use them! Stack overflow is 99% wrong on how to implement solutions for Magento! which tells you how few devs out there actually understand Standard Practices for Magento 2.

Now, I just need to find a company that is on the leading edge of development so I can increase my skills faster than currently possible on my own.

I ironically have gotten positive responses from my resume blast yesterday and have initial interviews lined up the entire week at lunch. Was so not expecting this during holidays. But seems to be it is going to be a very good Christmas for me.

Which brings me to my prediction for Adobe's interest in an eCommerce platform such as Magento.

My prediction is they will make the backend a closed source subscription service and you will just create the frontend PWA style with api calls to their subscription service.

Teach things properly, most teachers are confused and they start throwing keywords at even more confused students who then have no clue what they are doing and they then ask me to do their work for them showing me their unindented(well... kinda, they all seem to fight with the IDE, which is trying to properly indent their mess, for some reason), teachers think that Turbo Pascal is the way of life and that it is used everywhere(one teacher tried to tell me that Pascal is used in the stock market and in modern operating systems - U wot m8?! how high are you right now) and they don't teach user input sanitization and type checking, they stare at you like you are the fucking satan when you dare to use objects, collections and abstraction because they are scared to death of that stuff... and then they think 60 minutes is enough to teach HTML, CSS, JS and PHP in one go(which they even don't know properly - the teacher that made and maintains the school's website is probably stuck in 1998 judging by the design and functionality of the website and his clothes) and they then send absolutely clueless students to compete in a web design competition (and then they get angry at the judges for giving the students 0 points)

Great (but clueless) client. I went to a meeting with the client to discuss a way forward for his website revamp. First off he showed me his idea, which was a visual of the Windows desktop, with folders for different sections of the website, click on a folder and it opens revealing the different website pages. It went on basically describing how windows works. When he'd finished I said, with a cheeky smile, "that must be one of the fucking shityest ideas I've ever heard". We both started laughing.

Binary posts, binary posts everywhere

Why is it so difficult to copy paste in an editor which is considered as one of the most sophisticated editor ? I use VIM for almost everything except for copy pasting . All those internal buffer ..external buffer things are complicating things..

And the sad part is ..once i was editing a bash script using sublime ..I pressed escape :wq .. and tried executing that for a long time .. I was clueless for sometime after which i realised i didnt save the document..

If at all VIM had easy ways to copy paste..😥

Big Enough - Dart Language

About one week in my new entry level job and I feel completely clueless and useless. This is my first professional environment. Is this a normal feeling? What was your first programming job experience like?

I'm not here to underestimate the design of a government app on Android.

I hope the developer considered the UI itself as user-friendly and not the default button from android studio. he just simply copies the contents(text & images) from the government web page and paste it to its application.

He/she got paid well to make that app. well, although the information is correct for the users.

It's not much that users are even enthusiastic of the design. they simply read the guidelines inside the app and no more fancy animation.

So I work in a startup where all my co-workers are 6-7 years elder to me. There is this guy who keeps asking me how is my work going.

I tell him, he gives me a weird clueless look and leaves.

I wonder why he even asks me everytime if he is least bothered about what I do. I see all others minding their own business and busy coding. But this guy is one whom I have always seen jobless.

So now I have decided that next time he asks me I will tell any random shit to him to see if what I have been telling was always shit to him .

Sometimes I wish I could clone myself 3 times and start a company. Not that I think that I'm that smart, I'm fucking clueless most of the time. But because it's so hard to find people who freaking READ THE DOC!

I got my job by applying on Indeed. I know! Crazy, right? You apply for it and you get it. Pretty much never happens with these job sites because of crappy recruiters and clueless HR drones who tend to post and forget. I must’ve hit the luck lottery that day.

So my team got this new clueless "Delivery manager" who doesn't know ANYTHING ABOUT AGILE!
Her favourite timepass ? To eat development team's time asking stupid questions just to make her presence felt. And she does that by visiting each developer personally. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY !
Why can't you leave the team and let them do some actual work??😑

She would join our scrum meetings to ask questions like "what are story points again?", "How do we calculate team velocity?"
Dear miss Clueless: It's not cool to be dumb! It's cool to take up an online agile crash course if you insist to contribute.

The other day, she suggested a QA guy to "test properly" with a smirk!
I mean seriously ? Was that actually necessary to tell them? This team was working just perfect without you. How about you look before you leap?
I try being nice to her but at times it's just too much to take.

Today, I got some crap on my desk with possible bug reports from the field. They have been lingering somewhere for fucking MONTHS, and suddenly, an immediate answer was due. I was the unlucky one who was the least clueless about the product involved. SHIT.

OK, sifted through the reports. Some of them were duplicate, others obviously not our problem. No idea where to even start for the rest. FUCK, it's Friday!

But here comes "senior dev secret knowledge"(tm). Instead of saying WTF-IDK, I proposed an "action plan"(tm) (that BS term alone...) detailing the steps that we would need to take, and since I had no idea how long we would need, I just added enough steps in the "action plan"(tm) to make two weeks of investigation believable.

PM was very happy and just took that as direct customer reply. Now it's weekend anyway. :-)

In high-school we had comp science classes which obviously hardly had anything to do with real stuff. In fact, our teacher was really clueless, so we decided to fool her. I made a tiny app that took a screenshot and set it as its background while being full screen and with hidden cursor. So it basically looked as if the computer was frozen. I also made it so pressing alt+f4 would set the background to a fake BSOD image. Next class we fired it up, the teacher tried everything to unfreeze the computer. She obviously failed, so we told her to try alt+f4. BSOD came up, she tried to fix it by hitting on the side of the PC. That didn't work so she unplugged it from the wall socket. We barely managed to not burst out in laugh, it was absolutely hilarious 😂

Had to use the pfsense's url in my Default Gateway which is 172.0.1.1 from our school.

Before was:
Youtube-blocked
Facebook-blocked
#anime tags -blocked
#porn tags - blocked
up to 100kbps download speed
After:
All uncensored Websites!
1Mbps download speed

Unfortunately the Network Admin found my IP and slowed down my download speed. I can search R-18 links but I don't want to be caught in his SquidProxy log. so I'm still lucky to browse my animu website.

Anyone else sick of this clueless Udemy actor popping up on YouTube ads?

Does your place think that a CS graduate can fix your refrigerator or toaster? I have been told that very often in my place

!rant

New to linux

So I deleted all of my games, pron, and installers just to free up some space for testing dual boot in my laptop.

I will study all the basic commands in terminal and make use of my time to coding.

Pretty neat, when I was a lot younger I remember playing this game on my old 98 computer. I of course was clueless and hit a button and I got the error - An illegal action has occurred (or something like that). Thought I was going to be arrested 😂
Now I know that someone didn't test properly..

TL;DR: test thoroughly or you might upset some kid somewhere

Whats up with Rust?

New to devrant so thought I'd post this here instead of googling (to practice devrant.. 😊)

Haven't heard of rust till lately but not sure it's place in coding languages...

rant/!rant

So I just started working at the beginning of January and I have no fucking clue about anything especially Web development.
But now I have a week to figure out how in the world I am going set up a workflow for some secretaries so that the higher ups get a printed coupon with a password on it, so they can log into our WLAN via a captive portal that I also need to set up.
I am thinking about a website that takes a list of names and settings (probably excel or smt) passes them to the WiFi management softwares API and then generates some PDF file for download that just needs to get printed.
Did I mention that I have no Dev tools (I have notepad, yeah the one without ++), no test environment, no prior experience and no clue how to do it?
But somehow I love this challenge and am glad that my colleagues don't send me to get coffee but let me work.
Am I insane?

I'd like to one day be as good as my tutors or my better half.
Overseeing research code and developing it further with very little documentation seems like a very precious skill to me. They have my respect for that.
That would also involve getting a phd.

I feel so clueless sometimes but apperently I'm a fighter, so let's keep goin and trying :)

I don't know if this is a joke or a miracle.
I was pooping myself on a toilet, and beside me was a bucket of water, then there was a mosquito in my palm where I held my phone. after I snap it, I accidentally threw my phone at the bucket of water.

First and foremost. It's not a water-proof phone, so don't expect that I'm rich. I immediately grab it and it's so wet.

After a while, it gets a lot of touch bug and plugged in headset which is full of water in it.

tried to wash it after I'm done pooping. shut the phone and wait until it's all dry.

After that, my phone went to teamwip(bootloader) telling me that the custom OS is missing.

After some coding, I checked my phone and it's all normal now.

Lesson Learned: never shit when you have a phone with you.

Help me out,

Being a front end dev I suck at back end. I can do some stuff but some of the concepts and other things I really struggle to grasp.

Sometimes when I’m real clueless or have no idea how to do a task the best thing to do is ask one of the senior roles but whenever I ask him he rolls his eyes and huffs and puffs. I get it dev is quite a independent thing and you should do research etc. But it makes me feel so bad and I suck as if I don’t get the question he asked correct or I don’t understand he gets real impatient. I really do try I don’t want people to do it for me of course so I want to to understand but I just get moaned at. What do I do???

There will always be times when you will need to understand/modify horribly written code, or have to work with a fellow "programmer" who is clueless about what programming actually is.

In such situations, not losing your cool is a necessary evil.

Clueless child thinks he got hacked.

So me and my friend were just messing around in class and he says to this other guy that he "hacked him" as a joke. He showed him a CMD shortcut of the file saying "[guys name] OS SYSTEM." He fucking fell for it. He actually thought a cmd renamed shortcut was his OS system and my friend could access it. He tried to grab his computer and delete it. My friend thought he was joking so he opened it and the kid actually screamed. We burst out laughing and make a scene. The teacher got kinda triggered so we stopped haha.

!rant

Interview on Monday. Buzzing! The company is pretty cool, they have a startup buzz but part of a wider umbrella of businesses so don't suffer from the financial uncertainty that destroyed my last company (that and my old boss was pretty clueless about everything except sales). They also give time for personal projects, allow remote working, bonuses if the company does well and provide its employees transparency to its finances.

In short, I'm not going to be a cog in a big corporate wheel. If I get this.

Well they liked the code I produced for their programming test, so good start.

Meta: categorised this as rant because it's tech related, but obviously it's not a rant, what's the protocol? Random?

Really want to start an amazon affiliate web page, or blog, or a monetized YouTube channel, or something to rake in some extra cash on the side, but... Overwhelmed by the realization that you gotta be damn good and knowledgeable to pull something like that off. Tried to make a web development series on YouTube once and was blown away by how little I was able to explain things without running into situations where I was clueless to some specific detail.

Friday wisdom.

Software is not written. It is rewritten.

After spending 3 days approx. On thinking over a design problem. The first 2 days I was clueless how the problem is going ahead. Today I deleted all classes started again and voila.!! It works like magic and I did it with a TDD approach so got good test coverages too.

P.S. I didn't come up with that line. I got it from a tech talk and now understood it's meaning.

TL;DR Looking to build a tower. Starting as a web dev machine but then home cinema and then maybe gaming rig that works well with Linux.

Firstly really it will be a web dev machine as that is my day job, but later I'd like to

- home entertainment theatre
- probably gaming
- possibly comp sci stuff

Initial budget is somewhere at £800, I think I have a 500 watt psu already, i do kind of want to build my own case to save money, but might be an intense challenge.

So don't know whether to buy a low budget gfx card at first, or whether the on board gfx of a good motherboard will be good enough.

Definitely AMD / ATI as Linux (screw you Nvidia).

I'm thinking ATX form factor, annoyingly I have a micro-atx case but that make it difficult to upgrade so much.

I'm pretty clueless really, I just want something that will run seamless with Linux.

Thanks for any help ranters.

Anyone else work at a company where the employees don't know the difference between a developer and a help desk person??

!rant

Just watched the highlights of Microsoft Build and Google IO. I gave 80% attention to Google because they have more content than Microsoft.

No hate but Microsoft is running out of boxes

The more I hear about nightmare, clueless project managers, the more I think I should be one. I'm not the most accomplished dev, but I really know how good software should work and how to manage user expectations.

To all the people who use laptops for coding, what are the most important things to look out for when getting one. As a desktop user, all of these machines seem underpowered and overpriced.
Im mostly aware what I need to get regarding hardware inside, but when it comes to displays/keyboards/mousepads(does anyone even use that?)/size/io, I am preety clueless.

A place where you can evolve your skills, competitive and that you're respected.

And NO FREAKING CLUELESS PROJECT MANAGERS that do not understand how software is "born" and expect you to catch insane deadlines...

I was thinking of web/html because its open source and lightweight

My friends started to think about licensed/pirated applications.

Can anyone give me an exercise to train programming or critical analysis?

I am really not motivated and trying to give some motivation back when I want to answer some problems.

I'm a bit getting rusty on my head due to Anime and stuff.

Good day to be motivated again because my analysis always stuck on my head and i forgot to cook bacon. I regret this feeling

I just want to burst out how i feel, after that I'll be back to my project in ElectronJS, so bear with my story :)

I observed from a friend of mine....

October will be their 2nd take Thesis project... same project, the only thing is they purchased the software and never understood any of the code. At the defense(Last Tuesday) they were caught, they made excuses. Database diagram that has many tables that are not connected, and only 1 "Many-to-many" relationship without associative table.

I know from the beginning that "she" will fail over and over until the time she really needed my help... She kept her pride, knowing that she is capable of being independent...
To be frank, It's really hard to become an independent person, I always ask advice for revising my code, explaning this function and many more. I'm not saying that its a karma for her. Let her lesson be learned from these past years.

I am some Kind of angry right now.
Some of you may know the App "Jodel" (for those who don't: it is an app which lets you talk to strangers at in your city/near your location)

I am in an informatics-Channel and I feel a bit annoyed.

There is a groundless hate against JavaScript or Java, it seems because... People feel cool? It remembers me of the PHP-Hate. Clueless people are talking shit, even if the web is not even their programming-field of activity.

Someone just said that in js you can do any shit and it works.
- you can leave out semicolons. wow.

Another one meant that one problem is the unlogical backwards-conpatibility. "You have to look if the script is running on the browsers and on your engine."
- Isn't that part of any programming language? To see if it works?

I don't know what to say right now.
#ilovejs

Uhm btw.: Can someone explain me, what he meant with "engine"? I mean there is an interpreter, but "engine"?!

Find it hard not to think about stupid job tomorrow, clueless client cunt and fucking "manager"? Really hate whole QA team? ... Apply "Rule 34" to it ... shock😵 .. disbelief🙈

... and *puff* bad thoughts gone 😂😂😂

I came to a new school this year and didn't know anyone. I found out that there is a kid who likes to code, so I tried getting friendly with him.

Well, he knows HTMl/CSS...
Well, he just does Wordpress...
Well, he actually likes design better...

I've seen someone else who was trying to learn JS, learn with him, and the kid couldn't wrap his head around what a function did...

Today is one of those days where I realize there are hundreds of free APIs and tools to make something amazing and revolutionary, but you can't think of anything that isn't already done or is too advanced for an indie developer. Seriously, I watched Microsoft's Connect event keynotes and demos for these easy and amazing structures, but not a single app idea comes to mind. 😐

If I'm going to make a profit and a good resume, somethings needs to happen.

I spend the last two days to write a super tiny piece of the web thingy i want to create, a javascript that builds tables from the data the php backend provides. I am mostly clueless but i learned so much along the way..yet, it still feels like i accomplished anything at all.

163 lines of javascript, so less, so much time. At least its pretty much universal as long as i build the backend right (which is pretty easy).

You're allowed to flame me for being a clueless idiot btw.

Why do so many sites append things like titles and words from posts to urls (Devrant included)? I know for sure that this isn't necessary for it to find posts (there are ID's). If there were just those strings of text and the site had to figure it out I would probably kill someone. But really, why are they there? User convenience? So that people see what they're going to read about when you link them to something?

TL;DR Why do urls for rants/posts have lots of text at the end?

I had a project partner that was clueless at programming even though she wanted to specialise in programming. So when I suggested that she use the internet to get suggestions for a game UI, she ended up copying everything off a forum.

The code wasn't even working, it had a different set of lib from ours and she spent 2 hours on that code wondering what was wrong.

I almost killed her for having a higher gpa than mine

I hate it when my teacher underestimates my skills in programming, he/she tells me to rewrite again even though its just the same logic... I got shorter lines of code, he/she wants longer and readable code 😠😠

i got put in this stupid intro to computer class and it's so fucking pointless. the teacher is clueless and 29 years out of date in information, all we do is fuck around with windows and everyone acts like wow it's so amazing despite being the most basic features. this damn teacher assigns home work too and i use linux at one, NONE of my computers at home have windows and i have no intention of using either windows or os x . this teacher knows that i'm very proficient with computers and treats me like an assistant, while that's cool and all it's not within my interests. this class period is a literal waste of my time.

Okay.. Phew...

So we want to propose an algorithm that lets the system choose available subjects for the student to enroll the semester. The problem now is, if they will let me choose what platform... I'd use html/js to have an interactive and reliable system. We are going to use localhost to lessen the budget.. And the saddest part is It's all in my imagination.. I couldnt start working on it as im lazing around doing nothing.

PC-Lint is such a useless piece of shit! Tons of warnings with no actual benefit. The obvious motivation behind this crap was to throw as many warnings as this cheap sucker can even generate with no effort to minimise false positives. Typical snakeoil shit, reminds me of ZoneAlarm back then which reported every ping as "attack" just to fool the clueless into buying. Meanwhile, the actual bugs that sophisticated tools can find pass unnoticed through PC-Lint.

It started when life caught me off guard. It was one of those transition moment when you realized you are no longer a college student and you need to get a job.

I was clueless that time (still clueless - smh) that I didn't prepare my CV nor interviews. I got into panic mode and ask help from career service in my college (I rarely ask for help, and when I did that, I am really desperate).

Long story short, I got a job from the career service's connection. I don't think I did well in both the interview and technical test (of course, no prep or whatsoever, what do you expect?) but seems like we both in need of each other (maybe because my grades when I was in college is good... and maybe because my starting salary is low enough... and maybe because there was no better candidate at that moment) that I get picked.

First semester tutorials are fun (spoiler they can be frustrating).

Today my University held an entry level tutorial for LaTeX, which I had already visited a year ago and offered to help and boy ohh boy was that painful. For your information all of these students want to study computer science.

From around 50 people there was only one person who used Linux and I thought "Well at least one".

I was even more impressed as the other tutors asked me to help her because she used Manjaro (also the distribution I use).

As i helped her installing texstudio (the software presented) I needed her to enter the root (?) password and she answered "Which password, it's the laptop of my sister, I thought the laptop had windows installed".

Everything worked out fine but this was only the beginning.

After an hour came the first exercise in which the students had to build a simple document and for everyone who doesn't know LaTeX, it's a markdown language which heavily relies on \ and {}.

And there laid the other most common problem, some Mac users didn't even know how to write a \ or {}.

At least I had some fun helping them but if you want to study computer science you should be able to know how to write some of the most common symbols in programming languages.

The one thing I really don't like is when they give me buggy code to work on. I spend more time debugging than actually writing new stuff. Sometimes the bugs are hard to find to like someone writing a 500 line function that could have been separated into other tasks. This is what sucks about being a student, other students are simply unaware of their horrible code and yet they ask "Why'd I get a C in the final?"

The worst part is being assigned a random partner for a project and the person is absolutely clueless about the class.
Just things I've had to deal with and I'm sure most of us have as well

had this professor for Formal Methods and Logic who would show up clueless as fuck didn't use the internet to communicate any information. Didn't post notes or anything. Didn't have our quizzes pre-printed and showed up late to a class because he went into the GIANT by campus and was "lost like a monkey staring at shiny objects" (-his words not mine) Also guy didn't know how to teach and said everything was trivial when you would ask questions. He was an asshole and unfortunately tenured.

My client wants me to "help increase sales" by applying seo voodoo. For over two years they didn't even have Analytics. Now, after 12 days they're asking me what do I make of the results. Like that's a meaningful amount of data for analysis.

I'm rather clueless on mathematics. Should I pick up data science or stick to garden variety software development?

My goals for this year are
1. Dont be lazy
2. Be productive, start some programming dude!
3. Get a life.

Sitting in a lecture where the lecture is pro-android and completely clueless on what goes on behind the scene.

#FirstRant

!Help!

So I've been working on a side project, it's intended to be sold as commercial software. I'm honestly making it because I love it's purpose, buts it's commercial because I have costs I endured while building and to keep the service aspect of it running.

Anyone have insight into issues I might have building cross-platform software, distribution, and support of a commercial product? I'm more or less worried about the "clueless" folks who don't read FAQs.

After my third "requested changes" I've officially lost all dignity I held. Spend hours working, wrong solution. Revert, not working. Fix, removed functional code. I think my brain is just broken. Or maybe this project is just massive and I just can't wrap my head around it properly. Or maybe I'm just clueless. One day I'd like to be at a level where you hear an issue and immediately know the solution, where the problem lies in the code, how to fix it, and how long it will take. Hell, I'd settle for even one of those right now. The learning process is so stressful.

Okay question, I know it doesn’t matter for personal use but I’m not sure what the general consensus is in a team setting.

If I’m using a css framework in a project, and I customize it to match my style guide, does that require documentation usually?

Mainly speaking on changing the colors here for the most part I’m not going Rambo on the original files.

I’m asking in case I catch some freelance gigs; I don’t want to be clueless if there’s a few others on the project as I’ve only done solo work.

I got a message today from a recruiter that included this line: "The firm believes in their product with such confidence, that they are willing to provide equity to anyone that comes aboard."

Ummmmmm..... Doesn't that mean the opposite pretty much??? Sounds like they are willing to liberally give up equity. Either way I though that was a really non-sensical thing to include.

To solve problems in life, One must be irritated to have a solution or else it will be a norm to the society... We want to propose something that can eliminate our irritation. I, once commute a trycycle who charged me 5¢ because it was too far to fetch other commuters... So i kicked his vehicle and he drove away. I reported to the traffic office because thats where they record the violation and they never issued this case... I can think of a PWA that lets the commuters to report those pesky and annoying trycycle driver.

We won't display the bio of the violated person but we will put their temp number written in their body parts. So that the commuters wont go to the office just to report, instead. Let the commuters immediately report them. Im ranting because of overcharged fee... Even among of my classmates agree... A hundred dollar idea for this. I really need to solve this because it irritates me... And by the way, there wont be report abuse because the officer will confirm if both parties crossed the line of argument via message/call. Its just within the city so its not much of a deal outside the vicinity

PS. dont judge my english. I suck at it.

Not quite quitting a job but my course in college. Had 5/6 lecturers in my first semester last year that were totally unprepared and some were even clueless on simple things. One line was if I had five more minutes it would have worked when showing us how to code in python(he was using Java conventions) this was 10 minutes after the lecture should have finished. After 3 months of that utter crap and a summer of studying for repeat exams(had mumps for the original exams) I was ready to quit. Good thing the year I was in was good fun to hang out with other wise I would be working in McDonald's right now

Maybe I'm just clueless and missing this somewhere, but I don't see any explanation for noobs on what's a rant/story and what's a devRant. If this is a place for devs to rant, and it defaults to rant/story, I'm just confused.

The application I work on starts throwing timeout errors for about every third user. Lead developer cannot figure out what happened. DBA is out of town and cannot be reached. I do a quick Google search and run the stored procedure sp_updatestats. Timeouts stop and there is a big performance boost on the application. Everyone congratulates me on fixing the problem, and now I'm reading up on MS SQL Server Statistics and wondering about what other magical tools everyone else knows about that me and my team are clueless on...

I just want to rant about my teacher who did not teach us on software engineering principles especially on version control and how we handle our code.
[This is Tl;dr section so I won't take your time to read] I just want your advice or opinions on students required to learn version control.

Now that there are many freshmen in our school, I want to teach them the very basics on version control. Our flaws as a group, when we are in developing our project is, there's only 1 person who handles all of the code and that's not very effective, the others were busy on the documentation and project management but not the code that the person wrote. I can relate to that person but I'm actually doing other task and review it. My group mates didn't review my code because it was written in Ecma Script(I refer to them as javascript). I put comments on every functions, conditions, and variables so that they could understand, but they don't.

So If you have any ideas please reply. I will read them and evaluate.