Time is ticking...

Indeed

*computer fell, broken in pieces*

Me calling [Microsoft] tech support: hey can you check my warranty on this computer, I think I broke it?

Tech support: yes sir but we must first go through the troubleshooting steps,

Me: no, no I just-

Tech support: have you tried pressing F8 sir?

Me: umm… no, look I'm just -

Tech support: sir please press the F8 key sir

Me: okay… I pressed it, now can you just check my-

Tech support: sir please what happened when you pressed F8?

Me: it's broken, now if you could just check my warranty -

Tech support: sir I'm sorry sir I think you did it wrong. Please press F8

Me: no just check my-

Tech support: sir I think you do not understand, sir it is at the top-

Yup.

One time I wanted to use my mouse and it didn't work, the light was on and everything seemed normal, I flipped it upside down and I found a troll face sticker on the laser led ...

"Oh, I deleted that."

Nice old Hardware

True story

Deploy prod on friday

Nothing makes me realize what a crap programmer I am like reading a good programmer’s code

How does a full stack developer sleep?

They don't, they REST

Boss be like:
Me: Hello Boss I will be unable to come to work tomorrow,due to heavy rains.I am literally living on an island now.
Boss: In your job application you mentioned swimming as your hobby.
See you at work @7am....

Windows users need that button :P

I asked a question on StackOverflow. Everyone ignored me so I did find other way to do what I intended (it was still not an answer). So at least I fucking hoped to get another fucking tumbleweed badge!!!

So today a fuckhead, seventh viewer of my question answered it in a way that insulted my intelligence. So I got no answer and no fucking badge!!! FUCK.

I never though it would happen to me O:

And that's why we're all single...

Variables vs Deadline

Wk1 : int Store_Account_Balance ;

Wk3: int StoreAccountBalance ;

Wk5: int StoreBalance ;

Wk7: int storebalance ;

Wk9: int balance ;

Wk11: int bal ;

Wk 13: int b;

Yeap... This shit is getting out of control...

Most embarrassing and lucky moment on the first week of job.

Me and my best friend were selected in the same company as developers. I was having some trouble with my system. So I mailed the description to our support department. Pop up was displayed from our chat client and person on the other end happened to be a lady. She wanted me to share a team viewer link with click access. So I did it and within 2 minutes of efforts she solved it. I thanked her, closed the chat conversation and started installing few packages. Meanwhile, I was curious to see her as she was really nice throughout the conversation. So I opened LinkedIn, searched for her name and found her profile. I zoomed in her photo and she was a pretty chick. I didn't stop and found her on FB too, and quickly saw all her DPs. I just copied her profile URL and sent it to my friend ( the one that got selected with me ) and told him about my conversation with her. Then I asked my friend
"She's hot. Should I send her a friend request or have to find some more troubles in my pc and talk to her few more times ? :P "
He replied "Dude what are you wanting for ? "
Out of no where, a pop up showed up. It was the girl we were talking about. The exact message was

"You can now close your team viewer session, and we can talk over FB :)"

Embarrassing AF!

Just give me anything BUT coding to work on and I'm instantly in the zone for coding. End of Year Review, access reviews for Audit, any other kind of paperwork, which is most of what my job is these days, and I have some brilliant insight into a problem on my back burner, or a brilliantly simple way to implement a feature I've been stewing on for weeks.

It's my procrastinating nature to not want to do the thing I HAVE to do.

Maybe I should volunteer for more paperwork?

Only on stackoverflow...

Found this in a 15 year old computer magazine!

Explaining HTTP status codes when the pressure is too high.

The golden ratio !!!

My car made it home !

source: https://t.me/programmerjokes/608

Had to explain the difference between front and backend.

Restaurant:
Waiter == frontend
Cook == backend