Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!

... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!

... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"

Dear client, next time get to know better your users...

*i am a teenager*

*i don't have credit card*

*can't buy anything*

*sees unixstickers is $1*

*pulls out a dollar from physical wallet*

*throws in the air*

*cries*

If you're reading this you're doing it wrong.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

made my day

Love working with atom using this theme in coffeeshops, making people think I'm a top hacker, when in reality I'm just stuck with css classes or something. Equally stupid.

R: " I'm not hiring him, he use spaces over tabs. "

I fucking love silicon valley

School time, programming class:
Girl: Hey, Can you help me?
Me: Sure, what's up?
G: I have an error but I don't know why
M: *looks at error stack trace* You're missing a semicolon in line 133 *puts comma, run... 27 more errors* Well, you have more issues up there, why don't you try to fix them?
G: Oh, Ok, thanks
-- 1 hour later --
G: Hey, can you come? I already fixed the other issues but I still have one I can't fix
M: *checks code, same mistake I fixed, missing semicolon, same line* Why did you erase the semicolon?
G: Oh, because if I erase it, I only have 1 error, but if I leave it, I have 27 so....
M: *turn around, walk away*

Interviewer:Explain us deadlock and we'll hire you !

Me:Hire me and I'll explain it to you..

PM: By when can you do this?
Me: Monday
PM: Which monday?
Me: Exactly

Pro tip: If you are a junior, or senior but new at the company, don't start your conversations with:

"We're doing X wrong. At my previous company we did / at school I learned /in this book I read / according to this talk I watched, the right way to do X is ..."

Instead try:

"I'm curious why were doing X this way. I'm used to doing it differently."

I love flat-hierarchy teams, and people who think about flaws in procedures and proactively try to improve the tools we use are awesome, but the next kid walking up to me yelling we use git flow "wrong" will be smacked in the face with a keyboard.

If you come to me with curiosity and an open mind, I'll explain, and even return the favor by behaving the same way when I'm baffled by your seemingly retarded implementations.

Maybe we can learn from each other, maybe discover that "how I learned it" is sometimes good, sometimes bad.

But let's start with some social skills, not kicking off into every debate with a stretched leg and a red face.

Two unit tests, no integration tests.

Apple: Born to be fruit

Linux/Unix: Born to be root

Windows: Born to re boot

Got a star on GitHub once

This made me laugh! ++ for the official Notepad++ exception dialog 😋 ...
Source: https://plus.google.com/+notepad-pl...

Cat: *walks onto keyboard*
Me: Aww how cute
Cat: $ git reset --hard HEAD

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I am probably on some kind of FBI watchlist because I googled "How to kill all children while leaving the parent alive". So yeah, Linux is brutal.

The best thing about boolean is that even if you are wrong, you are only wrong by a bit.

windows update code

function update(){
print("10%");
print("30%");
print("50%");
print("99%");
_doActualUpdate();
_mineBitcoin();
print("100%");
return;
}

Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong