When you've been only doing web dev for a while:

Long time, no c

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

So... Stress balls aren't intended to be thrown at your colleagues. Interesting.

A client requested that right-clicks be blocked on a website so that users couldn't copy (it on their words, "steal") content...

Client: I love the site and will sign your contract today. I'll even give you a bonus since you got it done early. Can you put it up there this evening?

Me: I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll bring a condom with me all filled out and ready to go so we can push it up there.

Me: Contract. Damned phone

Client: please leave the condom at home

What's your worst autocorrect with a client?

Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: Hi IT, I can't enter to my computer, i put my password and it says it's incorrect.
Me: Ok, hold me a few.

(10 seconds without do anything)
Me: Try again.
User: It worked! Thanks!!

Dad: why do these forms ask me to fill those random characters(captcha)

Me: to verify that you are human

Dad: as if animals can use computers

Me: 😅

When your boss learns how to use StackOverflow

Universe is telling...

Nice face recognition

My project manager sent this to me today.

My advice for new devs, or to all of us :)

The real truth.

My sister got me some stickers as a birthday present but she didn't know where to buy them. So she painted a gift card instead...😮

So I picked up my nephew from his kindergarten and he told me that forks have round holes.
I laughed and said that forks don't have holes, otherwise the food would fall down through them.

It turs out that he was right and I was wrong.

Spends hours implementing a really cool new feature.

Feature gets deployed.

Client flags the new feature as a bug :'(

FML

Client: we need you to give us access to the code ASAP. We don't like this black box approach.

Me: You have always had access to the code. It is here on this bitbucket repo and your usernames have admin access.

Client: We want the code moved to our GitHub before EOD.

I check out how to move repos over and it's fairly easy.

Me: just give me access to create a repo on your GitHub account and you can have the code moved over.

Client: Sorry it's late in the day and we stepped out to get drinks. (It was 2:30 pm). Not sure why you think there is a rush on this, we'll handle it first thing next week.

Me: WTF

If I don't have any weird co-worker, does it mean I'm that weird co-worker? :/

My company just fired 20 people, and the next day instuted a program so salaried employees have to clock in and out. Of course not to effect our pay, just to keep their paranoid asses breathing down our necks. Also, no clocking in remotely so all the work I do from home won't be taken into account. Fucking micromanaging, ball-licking, scum-fuck, MBA, morons couldn't run a company if their lives depended on it. When will these soul-less, suit-wearing, shit-scarffers learn that treating your employees with respect and valueing actual work over bullshit metrics, is a better business strategy than treating them like fucking sheep to the slaughter. Fml, I gotta find a new job...

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I'll spend the first twelve sharpening the axe. —A programmer.