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Interviewer: Welcome, Mr X. Thanks for dropping by. We like to keep our interviews informal. And even though I have all the power here, and you are nothing but a cretin, let’s pretend we are going to have fun here.
Mr X: Sure, man, whatever.
I: Let’s start with the technical stuff, shall we? Do you know what a linked list is?
X: (Tells what it is).
I: Great. Can you tell me where linked lists are used?
X:: Sure. In interview questions.
X: The only time linked lists come up is in interview questions.
I:: That’s not true. They have lots of real world applications. Like, like…. (fumbles)
X:: Like to implement memory allocation in operating systems. But you don’t sell operating systems, do you?
I:: Well… moving on. Do you know what the Big O notation is?
X: Sure. It’s another thing used only in interviews.
I: What?! Not true at all. What if you want to sort a billion records a minute, like Google has to?
X: But you are not Google, are you? You are hiring me to work with 5 year old PHP code, and most of the tasks will be hacking HTML/CSS. Why don’t you ask me something I will actually be doing?
I: (Getting a bit frustrated) Fine. How would you do FooBar in version X of PHP?
X: I would, er, Google that.
I: And how do you call library ABC in PHP?
I: (shocked) OMG. You mean you don’t remember all the 97 million PHP functions, and have to actually Google stuff? What if the Internet goes down?
X: Does it? We’re in the 1st world, aren’t we?
I: Tut, tut. Kids these days. Anyway,looking at your resume, we need at least 7 years of ReactJS. You don’t have that.
X: That’s great, because React came out last year.
I: Excuses, excuses. Let’s ask some lateral thinking questions. How would you go about finding how many piano tuners there are in San Francisco?
X: 37. I googled before coming here. Also Googled other puzzle questions. You can fit 7,895,345 balls in a Boeing 747. Manholes covers are round because that is the shape that won’t fall in. You ask the guard what the other guard would say. You then take the fox across the bridge first, and eat the chicken. As for how to move Mount Fuji, you tell it a sad story.
I: Ooooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy. Right, tell me a bit about yourself.
X: Everything is there in the resume.
I: I mean other than that. What sort of a person are you? What are your hobbies?
X: Japanese culture.
I: Interesting. What specifically?
I: What’s hentai?
X: It’s an televised art form.
I: Ok. Now, can you give me an example of a time when you were really challenged?
X: Well, just the other day, a few pennies from my pocket fell behind the sofa. Took me an hour to take them out. Boy was it challenging.
I: I meant technical challenge.
X: I once spent 10 hours installing Windows 10 on a Mac.
I: Why did you do that?
X: I had nothing better to do.
I: Why did you decide to apply to us?
X: The voices in my head told me.
X: You advertised a job, so I applied.
I: And why do you want to change your job?
X: Money, baby!
X: I mean, I am looking for more lateral changes in a fast moving cloud connected social media agile web 2.0 company.
I: Great. That’s the answer we were looking for. What do you feel about constant overtime?
X: I don’t know. What do you feel about overtime pay?
I: What is your biggest weakness?
X: Kryptonite. Also, ice cream.
I: What are your salary expectations?
X: A million dollars a year, three months paid vacation on the beach, stock options, the lot. Failing that, whatever you have.
I: Great. Any questions for me?
I: No? You are supposed to ask me a question, to impress me with your knowledge. I’ll ask you one. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
X: Doing your job, minus the stupid questions.
I: Get out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
All Credit to:
all kinds of things:
2. Idiots working on WiFi firmware
3. Said idiots telling us that they found a compiler bug when a signed integer optimization screws their codes dependency on rollover. People like that shouldn’t be writing WiFi firmware.
5. Treating weapons of mass terror like machine learning like just a fun game to work on and then release open source
6. The fact that when assholes from all these companies like Facebook google and Amazon testify before Congress our political leaders are dumber than bricks when questioning them so they either a. Ask totally the wrong questions and people get off clean or b. When the witnesses do say something questionable is happening Congress doesn’t have the mental capacity to notice that something of concern was just said
7. despite the fact Linux has an easier to use UI than windows people bitch about how hard it is still
8. How defensive people are over their “own stuff.” “I like windows so if you say anything against it you’re insulting me” or “but I wrote this code you can’t refactor it that’s my mark!”
10. The fact that web assembly, though the superior technology, is going to become popular not because it’s fast but because it makes it harder to block ads and harder to read and analyze the code.
11. The fact that our obsession with web technologies has led to applications that are 10,000x less efficient than other alternatives, the carbon footprint of this is astonishing, and nobody cares. But they all want to save the environment. What?
12. The social disease of social media and how people have become addicted to a degree almost comparable to crack
13. People think being an influencer on Instagram is a real job.
14. People waste preposterous amounts of energy on crypto currency mining despite the fact that it doesn’t offer many real advantages over cold hard cash. It’s still trackable!!
15. Modern copyright law and how it’s been implemented in our web services that we use every day is insane; the music industry is a mafia and are using google as a club to beat us all down with. And google is fine with that.
16. All the music made today is fake and that’s done by leveraging all the “great” technology that (now defunct) digidesign avid and auto tune has brought to us
17. We design computers and software for the stupidest users that easily fall prey to all these things rather than the average person.
18. The Boeing 737 crashes are software related. That means some idiot fucked up and a bunch of people died. Need I say more?
The world will end some day and it will be because of software. You either accept that fact or live in denial.
Working for an indian code sweatshop. The job you've got by bribing the University headmaster to give you a degree without ever attending class. Your uncle who worked at the sweatshop as a manager already gave you the job by bribing his boss.
After a half a year on the bench you've beeing sent off for a contract for the USA. You moved to Seattle where you've "coded" the software for the Boeing 737 Max Airplane. Your code downed 2 airplanes. You're responsible for the death of 350+ people. You're alone and the US is foreign to you and you're missing your mothers indian food. And you wish you could soothe your pain with some freshly pressed sugar cane drink and a jalebi from your favorite food joint back home.8
C++ has become cockpit of Boeing 747
Too many controls? Yes.
Takes shitton of time to get ball rolling? Yes.
You need just bunch of them to get stuff done? Hell yes.
You still have to learn a lot of them if you plan to become professional? Yes.
You need to touch most of the fancy stuff only once in a while? Yes.
Many controls you wont be touching except once or twice in your whole career? Hell fucking yes.
You need those fancy controls when shit goes tits up? You better have them, or you are dead!
Just imagine what Boeing 737 max airplane system developers going through right now !!
When an error in the system can actually claims ppl Life.
Who want to be responsible for testing and approving such system. !!15
I think the award for “riskiest dev choice” might be awarded to the developers who wrote the Boeing 737 Max anti-stall MCAS code. But it could also be argued that the root cause was hardware and lack of redundancy of sensors.
Apparently my clock is a Boeing 747-400...
It's actually a clock with a picture of the Sydney Opera House (and yes, I have a livestream of it using 'motion' on ubuntu.)3
"I walked into this room full of law enforcement officers and said "' Do you guys recognize any of these names ?"' I read of a list of the names, one federal officers explained "' Those are the judges in the U.S. District Court in Seattle."' And I said "' Well, I have a passed file with 26 passwords cracked ."' Those federal officers about turned green."
Don Boelling, Boeing Aircraft1
Got a call about an entry-level job with Boeing. It was four hours away from where I live though. My wife and I just moved so neither of us feel like picking up and moving again... we literally just finished unpacking yesterday. So another cool opportunity lost. Bummer man. 😒2
I would really like to know the backstory on why Boeing just completely skipped integration testing on a craft designed to carry humans to the ISS. This seems particularly egregious and is an indicator of just how comfortable companies get when they’ve entrenched themselves with government largesse. https://orlandosentinel.com/space/...5
Thought there might already be the first high altitude rant.
Hello from 10km above you all.
Things to complain about:
The LOUD plane.
The LOUD Asians.
The seat swapping Asians. Throws passenger manifest out the window in case of accidents.
The hairiest dude next to me which is only like 3 links away from being descendent of monkies.
The good stuff:
Modern Boeing 737-800.
Free WiFi for everyone.
Reading about 737-800 plane specs and crashes.6