I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

Hey @Root! I know you won't have time to finish Ticket A before holiday vacation, so work on Ticket B instead.

I finished Ticket A in time. except for converting/fixing some horrible spaghetti monstrosity. More or less: "we overwrote this gem's middleware and now it calls back into our codebase under specific circumstances, and then calls the gem again, which calls the middleware again." Wtf? It's an atrocity against rationality.

The second day after vacation:

Hey @Root, drop Ticket B and work on Ticket C instead. Can you knock this out quick, like before friday? ... Uh, sure. It looks easy.

Ticket C was not easy. Ticket C was a frontend CSS job to add a print button, and for unknown reasons, none of the styles apply during printing. The only code involved is adding a button with a single line of javascript: `window.print()`, so why give it to the chick who hasn't been given a frontend ticket in over a year? Why not give it to the frontend guy who does this all day every day? Because "do it anyway," that's why.

And in somewhere between 13 (now 5) minutes and two hours from now, I'm going to have a 1:1 with my boss to discuss the week. Having finished almost all of Ticket A won't matter because it's not a "recent priority" -- despite it being a priority before, and a lot of work. I've made no progress on Ticket B due to interruptions (and a total and complete lack of caring because I'm burned out and quite literally can no longer care), and no progress on ticket C because... it's all horribly broken and therefore not quick. I assigned it to Mr. Frontend, which I'll probably get chewed out for.

So, my 1:1 with bossmang today is going to be awful. And the worst part of all: I'm out of rum! Which means sobriety in the face of adversity! :<

but like, wtf. Just give me a ticket and let me work on it until it's done. Stop changing the damn priorities every other freaking day!

this image is fully authentic image of me as a single developer in a startup. All the used technologies in a single project.

!rant Pulled an accidental all-nighter on Friday because I started crocheting a blanket for the cats and lost track of time. I am becoming a crocheting fiend!

Best of luck to all Ukrainian ranters. Buffer states are awful places to be.

Dude
The client has a giant database with all credit and debit cards

ALL INFOS IN FUCKING PLAINTEXT
THE CARD NUMBER
THE CVV
THE EXPIRY DATE

I'M SHAKING AF

So today the Manager told my coworker that "going to the toilet" is an excuse. We all work from home, "eating", "shiting", and anything other than work is considered excuses.

What in the bloody fuckery fuck is this?

Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!

Dev: …

ALRIGHT

WHAT FUCKING DUMBASS AT APPLE DECIDED THAT YOUR AIRPODS SHOULD PAIR WITH YOUR

CLOSED

FUCKING

MACBOOK

INSTEAD OF YOUR ACTIVELY SEARCHING IPHONE

PRODUCT MANAGERS ARE SHIT

DEVELOPERS ARE SHIT

THE WORST IS KNOWING THEY ALL EARN EASILY 6 FIGURES

AND ARE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE AT EVERYTHING

Me in 1996:

<html>
<head>
<body>My first website! I'm gonna be a website developer!</body>
</head>
</html>

Me in 2021: I have no idea what all that stuff in Node is for. All I know is that my boss says I need Node and gulp to compile this website to add a comma to a paragraph on a page for this client.

gulp

*a metric ton of errors appears*

@%#$!

Yesterday,
I was a bit drunk.
But I wanted to improve security of the company. So, I went in Azure and activated “Security defaults” which forces MFA for all users in the company. (Because RH always forget to enable MFA for new employees, and I actually care about security)
Then I went in office 365 management and instead of resetting MFA for all users (Forcing everyone to redo MFA setup), I (by mistake) clicked on reset all passwords.
I tested my own account it was fine and went to sleep.
Got a call from CEO at 7am, all 30 employees cannot login in, cannot work.
What a shit show I made…
I have a call with CEO in about 2 hours, I don’t even know how to justify myself…
So children: don’t activate company wide options while drunk. Ever.

!rant I finished crocheting the capelet I was working on. Not too bad for a first attempt, I think!

haha, I've got to start adding this to all of my code...

you guys make friends coding?

all i get is hate and stress

someBoolean = (condition1 && condition2 ) ? true : false;

O.M.G....

Happy Christmas to all of you

My son has started learning javascript at school, but he is complaining that all the $ signs are ugly! Yep, they're teaching the kids with jquery.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry 😱😱😱

Consequences Associated with Burnout:

- sleep deprivation ✅
- change in eating habits ✅
- increased illness due to weakened immune system ✅
- difficulty concentrating and poor memory/attention ✅
- lack of productivity ✅
- poor performance ✅
- avoidance of responsibilities ✅
- loss of enjoyment ✅

Have I just been burnt out and living it as my norm for the past 5 years? 🤡

Looks like we're all putting on a little weight over these covid years

#4 Worst thing I've seen a co-worker do?

Not a direct co-worker, during a fire drill, a call center manger told all the agents to ignore the alarm and keep working.

???: Salesforce is simply the best. You can do anything you can dream of with it. It can solve all of your pro—

Dev: Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Current work project is microservices architecture out of 4 - 8 components.

It is fully Infrastructure as a Code automatized. I just change somewhere code, git pushing

And it automatically invokes Gitlab CI, terraform, ansible, kubernetes helm charts.
Auto checking itself with unit and integration tests in autoredeployed staging env. Then it saves tested results to docker registry and asks for one button verificating click to be rereleased to prod.

I just go for drink or eat food. While all the stuff is happening.

And I am proud that all the infrastructure, backend and frontend I made on my own.

I don't need to remember how to Deploy it. It is all automatized

As 22.2.22 is coming to an end, I've sent an email to request for another PhD position.

That's all.
Wish me luck.

Microsoft teams is garbage. That is all.

Manager: Dev, you will submit to my leadership and surrender all common sense to agree with what I say or face consequences.

Dev: Manager, Fuck you!

My CTO prefers to hire very expensive consultants than to trust on staff. It's funny, because he also decided that all technical teams should run on the absolute minimal amount of resources.

You can't imagine how shitty it felt this morning when he sent an email talking about a security consultant that we should hire, just because he thinks the guy could "take our expertise to the next level".
They will charge us 450/hour to run assessments, to find the exact same things my team discovered a year ago.

I was working with this "friend" in a supposedly "partnership" way. He was handling the customer getting all the info for the product and doing all the communication.

fRiEnD: So I talked with the customer, the website will be delivered on 10th of June.

Me: yOu &%@!ing WhAt?!

*he didn't ask before if it would have been possible

Fuck all people that take credit for other peoples work.

Fuck em hard

;/

All B2B solutions boil down to "How I import your Excel"

Thinking of starting an OnlyFans where I post all the atrocious shitcode that I find to make my fans miserable….

If Apple made an electric car, they would make all the charging stations incompatible every two years.

Fuck all of this. I wanna move to The Shire.

Finding a forum post that perfectly describes your extremely niche problem only to have the solution posted in a bunch of dead photobucket links has to be one of the worst emotional rollercoasters of all time.

Wish You And All Your Families A Very Happy Christmas 🌲🌲🌲🎄🎄🎄🎅🎅🎅🎁🎁🎁🤝🤝🤝

I bless everyone with happiness worth billions of dollars and additional billion dollar in cash.

Live happy everyone. I hope all your good dreams come true.

I'm going to talk to my supervisor about redoing their code base.
It will take time, it will suck a bit but I think the long term investment in doing this right will be worth it.

Wish me luck in convincing him 😂🤞

English is weird.
Take the double oo for example.
There are so many different pronunciations for it and there seems to be no rules whatsoever.

mood
wood
blood
door

All different

Just can't be fucked with work today.

That is all.

Leaving open issues and e-mails with clients and go to vacation and now they're all my problem...

When you realize all personal projecrs end up being proof of concept prototypes working just for you and youd be ashamed if someone looked at the code behind it.

Another shitty shitty day.

That's all I wanted to post. Don't ask or comment or bother.

Keep scrolling.. thank you!

Best
- got sick of computers, lost all my passion for this field

Worst:
- got sick of computers, lost all my passion for this field

I hope I'm just tired.

Once upon a time
Performance Review, "great job", "like all your achievements so far".. signed.

Two days later, same manager, "as you can guess, you didn't pass probation. Could have done more."
"Oh more like?"
"Just, you know, more."

Have any JabbaScripters ever heard of backwards compatibility?

Nope. Because all the shit on NPM is written by 15-year olds who don't know how to code properly, not to say maintain their packages.

Fuck you.

Just wanted everyone to know that I did a find and replace all in my project and it actually worked as intended.

That's all.

Damn all developers to hell, who just avoid responsibility at all cost! Ask a simple question and a typical response is "WE NEED A MEETING OF THE COUNCIL TO DECIDE THIS!"

You want me to build a whole fucking site with a new theme on December with no mockups and all build with a custom design after you left me all fucking September and october without fucking work?.

No. Fucking. Way.

Can we all just set aside our differences for one day and agree that Elon Musk DID NOT invent the electric car?

Please, for sanity's sake!

Regarding my last rant:
I have all my 3 Raspberrys set up for seti@home now, reporting to twitter and my own "surveillance" system for them.
The system is still ugly, the code is ugly but that's getting improved next!

You returned from your five-day vacation you spent in the mountains. You’re exhausted, but you feel awesome. After all, you climbed Mount Hood all alone, all by yourself.

As phones die in freezing conditions, you took pictures with your camera, that amazing views from the mountain peak, and everything on your way there.

You connect your camera to your PC. You open the pictures folder and realize the photos you took are gone. Instead, there are just five pictures.

Pictures of you. Sleeping in your tent.

My Daily WFH Routine :

Pretend that you are struggling really hard to solve some issues and it would be done by EOD.

Complete the task before lunch and the rest of the day is all mine :)

Just startup stories:

Our backlog of tasks and bugs has officially reached 100+ tickets, all for me, the single software engineer at our "tech" company.

Huh, imagine that.

To all c# developers:
What is your favorite IDE for c#?

I’m so tired, my brain hurts, I just want to sleep.

Have loads of work that I need to complete this week but I’m barely half way through so I’ll be working the weekend.

Work, family, relationships, house to look after. Having ‘it all’ is a complete fucking scam. It just leaves you exhausted, lazy and fat. All the while I’m painfully aware of how minuscule my problems actually are. Need to escape from this mind fuck treadmill somehow.

Corp: you will get a four hour assignment to work out
Me: cool nice.
Corp: here it is, build a dragon with conflicting requirements, stocks but without any form of pricing mixed in. Then slay that dragon and post it to the static backend we created.
Me: cringe much?
Corp: yeah, you can spend more than 4h but be sure to spice things up abit. Since it is frontend, and all we spin up from the backend is flat data. But it must exhale an exciting user experience.
Me: stop the cringe pls!

to all who know the feeling...

First of all: FUCK MS WORD!!!
second: even tho I LOVE LaTeX, fuck LaTeX tables!!!

I mean, yeah, I am used to them, but maaaaaaaannn

What does PFA MOM stand for?

We're an international company, we all use English while working. That's all fine and good.

But there's one project manager that throws in really obscure acronyms that even I, a native English speaker, struggle with.

It's "please find attached minutes of meeting". Is it really that hard to type?

I haven't met anyone here nor do I know the real name of anyone but I want to tell you all this:

Incompetence of people around me drives me mad. I see a piece of shit code and I can’t stop myself from improving it.
Also better developers around me. I need to find out how they’re better and beat them

There are lots of words in this jira ticket. All real words that make sense on their own. However, put together, they are completely fucking meaningless. Now my brain hurts!!!

this is mostly how i feel today. we're all aware not much actually changes, but y'know, we survived this year, we get to celebrate a new cycle and hope for new and better things

I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP I HATE STANDUP

That is all

It's same for all developersnwho work day and night

Next year I will strive to achieve the best test coverage on all our components and design all our new features using best-practice agile methodology with a realtime user involvement.

Reverend on 7 January: Fuck that, we need to ship this shit to production now.

Ever since I learned to mute my phone and set all communicator apps to “Unavailable” for a weekend, I am a much happier person :)

Giving the stink-eye to the stakeholder who scheduled an important meeting when I’m out on PTO 😒😑😠 And my calendar had the day blocked off for weeks. Stakeholder probably doesn’t want me there because I’ll just tell them their “solutions” aren’t actually solutions.

Another reason to love and support Open-source, is that you can be vocal about what you believe in, what you stand for, and what you support.

All without the fear of anyone or any criticism.

I can't motivate myself to read or understand all these papers and tutorials... I wish I had a backup brain somewhere. 🙄

Habit I'm trying to fix?
Doing it all myself. I've been timeboxing my problems and forcing myself to ask instead of forcing myself to just figure it out myself. Communication isn't my strong point.

JavaScript was made easy to learn for all people , but the people are retarded

The guy kept laughing all the time, so I turn and I see… a guy browsing anime underage feet pics.

And yes, before you ask he looked like the basement dweller meme guy.

Me: Explaining what I do for a living (strip's title)

So true though as most of the workday is not coding...

Or is that how you explain all that typing (coding) to a layman?

Solution for all the problems... Even global warming

Have you tried turning it off and on again...!?? 😌

I can't believe fucking Google, aka me cha for SWEs decided that the best they can do is shove all that ram into our computers for Chromium. All of the major apps decided Electron was a good idea and now all of our computers are bloated with fatass memory hogs taking 600MB RAM.

Fuck you Goog.

all the fun people at my workplace have either been fired or they have left. my workplace is bone dry now

I'm so done with all the covid talk.
Its all that's ever talked about and you don't get a break.

As if it wasn't bad enough to have that one friend who constantly has to remind everyone how politically educated he is, and how much he hates the neo[whatever the fuck], now he has to remind everyone about his opinions on the vaccine.

No one fucking asked, shut the fuck up.
Your opinions do not matter.

On this special holiday, #DevStory# wishes you all:

MERRY CHRISTMAS

:)

All my projects

Probably the most Russian programming language is Python.

Why, I hear you ask?

because every Python app's file is signed with a Russian national suffix... .ru

P.S. that came to my attention just today. After all those years...

I can’t even wait for my copy of Leviathan Falls to arrive. I’m so tempted to read the All Spoilers thread on Reddit. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa! C’mon... you can do this. Just a couple more days.

Absolutely nothing excites me anymore in this field. Tech is such a commodity and I’m just so over all of it. Not gonna go all Ted Kaczinsky but I find myself longing for a time when not everything and everyone was controlled by computers. We’re not far from total transhumanism and despite what some may believe, that’s not a good thing.

So we've got a gif that doesn't show up in our React Native application. Of course, the designers assume it's me: "are you sure the gif is in the codebase? how are you using it in your component"? yeah ok boomer. I'm like, look at this other gif, works fine. "oh" So I tell them, double check the export options on how you are building the gif, maybe there is something there. so now they are asking ME for those export options. I'M A DEV, NOT A DESIGNER, DO YOUR JOB AND FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PROGRAM YOU ARE USING

oh as an aside, I was putting up a website for a client and they are like "my logo is quite similar to many others, is this something to worry about legally?" OH, SO NOW I'M A LAWYER TOO??!!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GOOGLE IS LITERALLY IN FRONT OF YOU

why do people continually think just because we can code we are fucking designers / lawyers / astronauts
/ god?
man this pisses me off - i think of that draw red lines with blue ink expert video, in the end, just smile and nod: "i can do... absolutely anything... trust me, I'm an expert"

Who the fuck accepted this garbage copy pasted code all over the place?! Ah, it was our "tech lead", cool.

Client: We are completely unable to plan a construction project successfully. We want you to use AI to do all of our project planning for us. Our requirements are that instead of needing to spend any money or time planning we just want to press a button and have a computer instantly put together all of our project plans for us. The program also needs to identify optimizations on it’s own and change all related plans enterprise-wide. All copies of the plans should be able to be kept up to date at all times so we’re never looking at an old plan again. We also want the ability to print.

Dev: …

Monoliths are the root of all evil.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to maintain it all your life 👨🍼

I just want to delete a jira…that’s all just delete it..listen you jira fucks ..just let me delete the fucking thing!!!

All of those painfully incompetent coworker stories I could share are mostly about me, if I’m being honest. Most of the people I’ve worked with have been much more talented than I was.

SINGLE

RESPONSIBILITY

FUNCTIONS

HOLY GARBAGE UNTESTABLE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG JFC SHIT.

FUNCTIONS DO ONE THING AND DO ONE THING WELL. LEARN IT, LIVE IT, LOVE IT, OR JUMP INTO A LAKE

that is all.

Dang it all to hestia. I was feeling lower and lower then I realized I wasn't exercising like at all. So I got to my walks again at work and went to gym after work. I feel like a million bucks!

If I ever run my own engineering team I shall ban all meetings after 12 PM. Or permit meetings only on 2 days of the week.

Hey, all you shitty devs who give my Udemy courses 1 or 2 stars with no comment or feedback

FUCK YOU!!!!

Who the fuck at google thought it was a good idea to not let you log out from a single account in gmail when multiple are logged in in the browser. You have to log out of all of them all or not at all. And it is a new change, i can remember being able to do that previously. Just why?

DevRant hiding my old rants really rustles my jimmies.

It took me many years to distill all of this pure, unadulterated rage... why would you conceal such a treasure from me?

My LinkedIn is usually pretty quiet. Recently I've received quite a few messages from recruiters. Some of them put numbers in and I look at them, well, the market looks hot.

I like where I am but doesn't hurt to have a look around eh? So I went through some interviews and shit. No preps, not trying to please anyone, being completely honest. And out of the 3 I tried, 1 got to the final round.

Before the final round, the recruiter kept harassing me (it's their job really) about what my "bottom line" is. She said they really liked me but I'm not up to their expectation as a senior role. So they want to proceed with a non-senior role, then climb my ladder up. I told her, I don't give a shit about the title. The she said for that, the salary will be "adjusted" (reads reduced). I told her, look, I said I wouldn't bother if the offer is anything less than X amount of money. Then she said but this company would offer 10% bonus, which will add up , mind you, "close to" X. She said she wanted to know so we don't waste the director's time (as the final round is to meet the bloody director).

I said, if I need to disclose my bottom line before going to this, which is pretty much my negotiation, then let's call it off. No point wasting my time either.

The next day I received the last call from her. They fucked right off.

I know everyone here already knows. But let me experience be another example of how a plague recruiters is. I don't have any experience like this before but this is probably a fucking lowball case too.

What are some strategies to grow when your team size is increasing? My team will be doubling in 6 months. All devs.

Apple is like.. government. Bureaucracy all aover, burgeoise

i love waking up every morning to the crushing wait of all the TODOs infesting my codebase

As expected, I take a single day of PTO and I get a whole bunch of emails about stakeholders needing help and requests for website improvements. I have 14 days of PTO that I have to use in the next two months, so stakeholders gonna get a rude surprise when they see my out of office response almost every other day.

The most shittiest feeling in competitive programming is when your code passes all the test cases except the last three. 🤓😌

HR: What is Java?
Me: Ah... OOP... uhm... is a programming language... *awkward silence*... Yep, that's all
HR: Congrats, you have bombed the interview

Source: Me from few days ago ._.

Do you devs spend on learning ? Like paid courses etc. Or not at all ?

I think I should sleep more...
I just took my mug and cleaned it in the bathroom sink..
Realised halfway through that it maybe wasn't the kitchen after all

It was right in our faces all this time ;-;

New job. Almost all sites are blocked due to "security"... even spotify. I can' listen to the music. Fortunately i have access to dev rant xd

coworkers looking to monopolize all the juicy tasks

fuck u 2

I have been sitting in front of my laptop for 4 hrs without getting up with full concentration and now all I can see is black boxes wherever I look.

Narrow my skillset down to a few masteries.
Gotta stop being jack of all techs 🤣

Be less harsh and judgemental towards myself.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT DOCKER LOSING ALL MY FUCKING DATA WHEN I JUST WANT TO RESET THE ROOT PASSWORD YOU PIECE OF SHIT CUNT!AAAAAAAAAAAARGHJ WHAT A SHITTY OBSCURE CONTAINERIZED PILE OF BEARSHIT

Oh man, it's so funny when people try to install npm via cmd and they can't understand, what fuck all errors they are getting.

When at School there was a hack that went around all the local schools that caused computers to shutdown as soon as it gets to the login screen.

All time favorite

I accidentally forgot to stop my EC2 instance.....

No joke, I have had to use all of my money that I made through freelancing(20 bucks)

Got the newest update for Emojis and I was scrolling through them, and what do you know? This one popped up. All I can think of was "Devrant did it first"

Today a client opened a ticket saying that all the content for a customer returns 404. Turns out it's kinda important to end a prefix on a separator if you plan to recursively delete all data /user/<user_id> or you might end up deleting a bit of extra data

Do you know who made the most sure money during the gold rush? The man who sold all the shovels.

I'm a hobby programmer and i don't hav any programming ideas! How do you all get programming ideas?

Companies: We're starting to rotate people back through the office

Devs all drinking their desks: Please no

Why are the clouds all lined up ?

I can't work
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't code
I can't go have fun
I can't have a conversation

Because I've got a new exciting idea "💡" buzzing all over my mind all the time.

It's been 9 days already and it's still exciting, probably even more. I think that means it might be worth going ahead and realising it.

Why, for the love of all that is good, does anyone still code for absolute placements in css?!

I've spent 90%+ of my time lately making some changes, which is about 20x harder than it needed to be because this app (written in the last 1-3 years) has all of the styling set explicitly. How does anyone justify that?

"Pay more attention to the house"

Oh, really?

I'm working here!

Why every non tech person acts like I'm doing no fucking shit all day?

These types of things makes me want open my own fucking office.

I don’t know what’s the point of returning the office is we just all sit in the same room on Zoom

Man all I ever do is fix bugs in a giant overgrown calculator, that has references to code before I was even born. It might be new job time

Deployments, a limerick:

there once was an ops guy from New York,
who was working on deploying a fork.
the docs were weak
the code memory leaked
in a half hour all of production was borked.

I was wondering how many years will I get for killing muggles who approach me with ideas about the "Next Facebook Idea" after hearing I am a programmer?!

Would be possible to be freed of all charges?

Had a coding challenge for an interview. 2 questions and I passed all the tests on both questions. But I got an email from the recruiter saying that one of my questions didn’t have a working solution??? Wtf it passed all the tests, am I retarded?

So, I've seen a github repo whose owner puts all of his code in an unformatted README.md file, no further files. I'm not sure if I should be concerned for them or scared.

I have a complex about my nose. I was about to bite the fucking bullet and do something about it. Literally just waiting for the procedure room to be ready, when I kept asking myself wtf I was doing. Then looked at my nose again and realized that it really wasn't that big a deal. Not when compared to dealing with internal bleeding and pain for weeks, plus a painful procedure.

Even after all these years, all these accomplishments, all this experience, I'm still a dumb fuck.

Now then, I'll go put some of the money I didn't waste to good use. Like videogames, hookers, and blow. Probably just the former.

It’s truly amazing how almost all SDKs that cost a ton of licensing fees are technical garbage. The one that I am dealing right now doesn‘t even build without manual tweaks.
Free SDKs are much better quality than that.

Had a fine day, but all of a sudden existential dread kicked in.

Then I noticed a bug right next to me, got a sheet of paper and let it out. Thanks for lifting my spirits

I would not consider myself an overachiever by any means, but I must say, I'm quite satisfied with my contributions this year at the new (relatively speaking) job. I got to go back to writing code almost every day, all day, and that sure as hell beats being in meetings all the goddamn time.

all that decades spent on debuggers, strict typing, static analyzers, fucking unit tests
ima put frogs in my code so they eat bugs
S̸ ̶T̶ ̵O̴ ̴N̵ ̶K̶ ̸S̷

Nothing gets on my nerve than microsoft. Just another day being a victim of fucking microsoft trash product called teams. All I wanted to do was login but no, this ass of a product has it's own shit things.

Anyone else gets the "workies" after like 14:00? Or are you more of a morning busy-bug who starts out at ridiculous hours like 07:00 and that's all out of steam by 14:00-15:00 instead?

If Uncle Bob Martin took all software engineers who are better in designing architecture than him, he could fully book Hilbert's hotel.

Microsoft documentation. That is all

git push --all

happy new year everyone! not that anything ever changes, but hope is free 😅

i wish all of you a year with very little reason to rant ✨

Gotta love having developer friends you can trust to help you out when stuck, this goes to all you unsung heroes!

Ffs, spent all day fixing jests tests and couldn’t resolve an error. Hours of googling turns out it, I forgot to put event.preventDefault() on a blank href.

Mondays….

Computers have threads. Computers are sewing machines

I changed all my password to "incorrect"
So whenever i forget it will tell me "your password is incorrect"

If all programming languages mascot would fight who would win?

Despite all the code bugs, manager worries, colleagues' annoyances, self pity, low self esteem, constant guilt all the way, we are still alive and kicking

I guess 2022 will be nothing different but I also wish it will be super interesting and satisfying

Wish You And Your Families a Very Happy New Year 2022!

Yeah, fuck all the authentication/authorization framework I build, just access manage resources directly and leak stuff, assign it to wrong accounts and don't even check if they should be able to with that eye shore you call code

Hello to all. Merry Christmas in advance :)

Can we all take a moment to appreciate how good nvim is at it's job

If you hate Javascript so much just use Webassembly and write everything in C++.
Your code will probably take 10x longer to debug and write.
But hey, now all your segfaults will be exceptional!

After (allegedly) coronavirus infection I'm still constantly tired and unmotivated to even eat a week after all symptoms disappeared.

Yay me 😒

Where to start...
1) them initially expecting us to do 15+ custom websites at once while also doing the Project Management work (including all client communication) for all projects, for $33k a year....
2) Having to pull teeth to get a feeble raise
3) Rude clients

Started the day having a career crisis where I feel worthless and all I have been doing is some worthless web shit that humanity never needed and most certainly, never will.

Good day!

I had a dream last night that my upcoming interview was on Discord instead of Zoom and all of the microphone bugs were hitting me at once and the guy couldn’t hear me.

Feel utterly deflated today. Working with an API that gives no feedback what so ever. Going around in circles and making little progress. What’s worse is we quoted 1 days work.

With all my experience I should be better!

I've done it! I've implemented a new feature. I call it, wheal. its just like the wheel you know and love, in every way, shape, and form. But now, you can take comfort in knowing the state of the art has surely progressed, every time you go to reference, "wheal". This has the added benefit that others who may already be familiar with wheels, will have no trouble at all coming to terms with wheals. Just please, do not make reference to wheels, or your software will not compile. And also be sure to annotate all instances of wheals *wheals are just like wheels!* until all devs have been on-boarded.

Lead dev runs the program I gave him to set up a bunch of processes that run for one database.

It has a GUI that seems native to his windows environment......but it sort of is not.

The program runs, asks for the .csv file that is to be parsed into the database.

Lead dev: Ok, what is this though?
Me (his boss) "Don't worry about it"

Him: "Holy shit what the fuck is this??? TELL ME!!!"

Me: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

Him: "WTF DID YOU MAKE THIS IN???!

ME: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

CMS Admin (another one of my employees) "Would you TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!?"

New Guy (mainly a frontend dev): ........

Meanwhile, in production, no one knows if your gui app is built in Lazarus and Free Pascal, as long as it works.

I really need to stop doing this to the lead dev, dude already keeps trying to choke me for writing things in perl.

On another note, Object Pascal is pretty cool. Might write a book on it for those that want to do CLI based applications on it, I have no clue why every book on the subject costs in euros, but there should be more shit written for beginners, language is awesome and one can get lots of mileage from Lazarus and FPC

Mad how Zuck can instantly stop everyone talking about all the creepy, weird shit by simply renaming the internet. Prince Andrew missed a trick there.

I don't know if it's just me but if you sign up for Dashpass and then cancel during the month, it refunds the entire subscription...

Even when I've used all the benefits...

Seems like the devs forgot an if statement...

New AltRant update!

This update features a fix for instability issues in the Notifications tab. All users that are in the testing group - please update soon! I am giving you a 3-day update window.

Hope everyone had a chill and relaxed day. I know I did. Sun was nice. People at work were so easy going. Didn't have a segfault all day.

Was to be expected. It was 4/20 all day.

Bossman told me to give my project more hierarchy and to add all those weird __init__.py files.

I don,t quite like all those boring empty files, so anyone got some bri'ish language "innit?" jokes or other awful puns to add as comments?

Is it me or Day Zeros are more popular nowadays. I feel all I do all day is fight vulnerabilities

In all countries except the USA, Chanel logo is just "Chanel, Paris". In the USA, it's fucking abomination "Chanel® inc. New-York, N.Y. 10019".

People from the USA, please tell me, is American bureaucracy really that bad?

Happy Valentine’s day to all the lonely gang who are coding while everyone else is getting cuddles.

Like who needs cuddles amirite?

Cuddles are temporary
Your commit however stays in the second arctic vault for 1000s of years

OOP is so ass, classes that extend classes that need objects, of classes that extend classes , passend to their constructor which constructs an object to be given to a constructor of a class that extends a class that implements three interfaces. And in the end it all could have been done with a single function and all of these classes get used a single time.

Wordpress: add content beneath the loop on category/archive pages. WHY IS THIS NOT JUST A PART OF ALL THEMES AT THIS POINT???

Editor of choice would have to be VSCodium. All the benefits of vscode + added privacy.

The feeling of finding out the possible hole I left in an implementation I pushed last Friday and spent all weekend stressing about, was handled in another piece of code.. ahhhhhh 🤗

Deep learning is probably (????) the only research branch where every successful paper title needs to be a stupid acronym or meme

I work in a conversational AI startup and the new intern that joined yesterday didn't understand half the memes or acronyms (especially all the Simpsons related) because apparently he's "Gen Z" and all the paper title is "Millennial" humour

He's only 2 years younger than me. Am I literally at the millennial - GenZ border ? Or the intern is out of touch ?

Theoretically speaking, what would have to be some key features of 1 programming language to master it all without having any tradeoffs ?

How would you react if you got a dev job but had no technical stage at all? (coding/take home/quiz)

My dev super power would be to read client's minds before a design call and eradicate their stupid ideas for a website that make absolutely no sense. Save us all a headache.

It all started with this question 😆

OwO we all have demons.
UwU and sometimes...
⬤̶̤̈́͗w⬤̴̡̡̨͎̲̦̺͖̘̼͛ ... they win.

WORDPRESSS DEVELOPERS:

What’s your #1 tip for getting started in this role? Useful training site or video? What’s best to focus on first? Hooks? I need all the juicy deets! 🙌🏻

I had a dream about the end of the world. Corona won. Almost nothing works, almost all the people are dead. But we are, with those who are still alive, chilling and having fun looking at destroyed, burning Golden Gate.

happy drunkmas

that is all

Is there something like tinder that doesn't require a photo?
I just don't like my own face right now. That's all.

I have these gulp tasks to preprocess my css and html. months ago it was all polished and working great.

I run the commands today, npm complains about deprecated something and doesn't let me run... I do updates, I try to run again: "Right now osX is not supported".

I literally did not change anything all these months.

Fuck you npm.

I have so much to rant about it's all stuck!

5 minutes before the meeting, I get refreshed and start setting everything up. All in a sonic speed rush. Always feels like a movie! :D

anybody else's hands and wrists hurt all the time like the devil sat on them

Tell me you write good code without telling me you write good code. I’ll go first => “All my comments are useless” 😎

I just released a new version of AltRant for TestFlight users, it’s supposed to fix most issues about the home feed layout. All testers are asked to update and test.

Me reading all the Apple hateRants on my M1 Pro powered MacBook:

Here's the edit @Fast-Nop

Can we all appreciate how good nvim is at it's job.

I don't know how to do what I'm thinking, and I can feel the impulsive, curious part of my brain preparing to spend hours reading, testing, and researching things.

Guess it's gonna be another all nighter. And it's only Monday.

Every now and then I see people writing fucked up society everywhere. I want people to write here what is fucked up and how do you want to solve it if you have all the necessary powers.

It has been a few years since I havn't touched any code, IDE, git or anything else.

And now, I'm trying to create a new personnal project for Warhammer with Laravel, Node, Tailwind and trying to understand all the webpacking thing ...

Dude, it's hard af to get back in business with all the new things ...

Any advice on how to get back ?