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Search - "confessions"
Confessions of a Programmer
If a client is an unbearable asshole during the initial communication, I look for every excuse to pad on the hours for the estimate to get paid more. If a client goes above and beyond in their douchbaggery, I tack on an additional $40/hour.
Sometimes I will present an elaborate solution to a client, but really I'm just reading off the features of a plugin or library I'm going to download or buy after the call. Not because I can't build it myself, but because I'd rather spend more time on other/my own projects.
Clients assume because I know one language, I know them all. Rather than turning down the work, I take a crash course to work in that language, or outsource the work and clean it up afterwards, whichever is more practical at the time.
I use cPanel on a dedicated to manage our client websites. I'm not paid enough to bother with setting up everything manually.
Certain projects I build have a 3-day backdoor built into it. If the client doesn't pay upon completion, a unique hash triggered as a GET variable deletes a core file in my work, rendering the work useless. If it wasn't triggered by the 4th day, the file allowing me to trigger this backdoor is removed. This is only used for clients where the project must be launched on their servers, or if there has been a previous issue collecting payment.
I slip in the initial contract that all preceeding phone calls will be monitored and recorded, and that they acknowledge the recordings are admissable in court. This has saved me from losing money twice now.
I have never used an IDE. (I know, I know, it's really inefficient and dumb, but I'm just more comfortable with Sublime. Plus I often find myself mobile and without my computer, so I have to program from my phone.)
Each day resembles a betting spectacle of which work will be late, which will be rushed out and which will never see the light of day.
I have used "sick" and "family emergency" as an excuse to just sleep in far more than I can count.
When a client from hell crosses over the line in their conduct (such as getting very nasty and personal, or sending threats), I anonymously report them to the BBB and on RipOffReport.21
I need to make a confession. I wrote shell scripts that will automatically turn on my system and will download games and movies for me after office hours, using office internet10
Let's hear your embarrassing confessions.
I'll start: I have never built my own PC's or set up my home network.
I don't really know much about hardware and physical networking, and frankly I can't be bothered to deal with it.28
I've always had a fetish for progress bars.
My favourite one? The green glowing one from Windows Vista.17
When it comes to the indentation or look I am fully consistent.
But when it comes to naming I am inconsistent like a crack whore telling she's clean.
Camelcase, underscores inconsistent variable and function names. I use all of them within a single file. On some days I even switch languages.
I truly am miserable in code consistency. Is there any good advice to keep the code consistent?10
Confession: every now and then a Google search for a JS function or something directs me to W3schools. And I proceed to use it. And I'm not afraid to admit this!!7
Worst Manager/Higher Up? I guess that would be me. There was this time I was so frustrated with my team, that I literally asked them to make a list of words they want to curse me with, cause we won't be going home till the work is done the right way.5
This right here is all I need to remind me that I don't want to work for anyone but myself anymore. These whiteboard interviews are so pointless and stupid.
An excerpt from the encyclopedia of "Developer Confessions":
At times, when I have no clue what some code does, I comment it out to see what breaks. Sometimes I just want to see the code burn.3
I've been working for a contractor company for the last half year, when I first started I was on a development team, happy and making progress, since I'm still a student I get perfomance reviews each month and I aced them all during my time at the development team.
Last month I was transfer to a supposed development team which turned out to be a support team, I use to write more code in two days with the other team than in all my time here. On my last performance I got an awful grade and I feel like I'm stuck here.1
Up until maybe 7th grade (I am now 19 and a first-year in uni) I used Internet Explorer. Even when Firefox was out and about, I still used Internet Explorer. Now, I use chrome and Firefox interchangeably1
I got into hell and sinned there.
This was a few years back when I was getting into webdeb. I was working with WordPress at that time and a start-up asked me to help them build a website on WordPress through a mutal friend. That was my first WP site and it is a jungle of unorganized code. I didn't bother making a child theme, overwrote PHP files without documenting it and changed CSS in the orginal files. Instead of a child theme, I made a monster.
The worst part is, that site has never seen an update coz an update in WordPress would undo all my work. I should prolly burn the server the site is hosted on to purge my sins.
I've started way too many projects. Even more than the number of times I've shopped clothes for myself. But I rarely complete anything ever. Once the learning phase is over and I've to actually do the typing out the code part, I lose interest and leave the project and start new ones.
I feel like an imposter because ...
I forgot that in Ruby, it's "elsif" and not "else if" today. How about you?2
I've been working as C# programmer for an entire year, and I wrote desktop app as well as win services, but when it comes to practice (cause I moved to PHP about 7 months ago) on Codewars I go completely wrong, and it's even worst on Hackerrank.
Have to admit, feel so dumb and lost2
I am going do do a series of .net or programming related rants. These are confessions regarding things that no one has been able to answer in way that makes sense to me.6