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Search - "low self esteem"
One of the students in my department was smart and driven, but also really awkward. I had known him perhaps better than most other students, and had gleaned that he was depressed and had low self esteem.
On a few occasions he tied a noose out of an ethernet cable hanging from the ceiling and played "Pumped Up Kicks" when asked to choose a song at a party. Really strange stuff. If we had been betting on who would turn out a school shooter, I would've put my money on him.
Anyway, he graduated last year and this year I found out federal agents raided his home because he was building pipe bombs and intended to kill a bunch of people and himself. He's now doing at least 10 years in prison.4
CS graduates that have never gone beyond "Hello World", fuck college and it's "system".
So the actual victims of the story are friends of mine, CS colleagues, but I can't help but share as the existence of code freeloaders enfuriates me.
At college in order to graduate you need to present a project in form of a thesis a side from your actual thesis, there is a shortage of pre-approved projects and everyone wants one.
A talented friend of mine who has many years of programming experience got in one with another friend of mine and a lady who I've never seen before. One Saturday night my friend and I were having some beers at a local bar and his phone didn't stop beeping so I jokingly said:
"Bro, tell your girl you need some space", he laughed and explained it was the chick from her project having some "issues" with node.
"So? Tell her to google it, it's Saturday night", he explained the girl has never coded before even though she's about to graduate so she had take it upon herself to pressure him to finish ASAP so she can graduate and get an already agreed position at the federal energy commission... As dev!
I've seen my bud in a lot of dumb calls with said chick trying to explain how you CAN'T COMPILE THE NODE WEBSERVER TO A .EXE!
It frustrated me how such an idiot can go through a CS major buying homeworks and getting low self-esteem geeks to code for her. Then I realized that as an aspiring InfoSec guy, lazy idiots coding is good for business.8
I live in zurich switzerland one of the most expensive places to live. And i work as a jack of all trades graphic ux/ui designer/copy writer/marketeer in IT security.
I earn about $3800 a month, but every salery calculator says I should earn above $7000. With a median salery of $9300. But this seems so much money and I suffer from low self esteem. So what should I do? (Quitting is not an option because I like it there)12
Doing exams at the moment. Finished phase one out of four successfully at Monday but now stuff is going bad again as usual. Seriously, with me, everything goes perfectly fine until stuff gets official, then code starts failing, self doubt comes up and fair of failure and low self esteem hit me like a bomb.
I'm using my own framework which I actually also use in production and it works fine! But then it has to start to fucking fail at the moment I need it to work the fucking most.
I've worked towards this for five years now, I don't want to fail this! I don't want to disappoint either myself or my friends or my parents.
So it's been a while since I've posted as my first few months at the new job have been amazing. But now I'm running into issues with a team member that I need to get off my chest.
So my new job is front end development in React. I'm brand new to it but I was promised time to learn on the job. On my first day the team member I'm now having a conflict with offered me help. He's the most experienced so I gladly took it.
But now several months in I've noticed his teaching style doesn't work for me. He'll go into long theoretical explanations whenever I ask a question and I get overwhelmed with info. And he gets frustrated with my inability to process all that, because he feels I waste his time. So frustrated that at one time he just walked out of work and drove home, which was really upsetting to everyone.
My direct manager and my mentor in the company (our software architect), as well as our scrum master (a consultant) are all aware of the conflict. I've been assigned another colleague to help me out. Things were going ok but he got sick so I had to turn back to the team member with the conflict for assistance. Of course frustrations arose again.
Now yesterday during our sprint planning meeting we had to say what we liked and didn't like about the past sprint. And I brought up I feel I need time for learning and that I don't know where to put that, since we don't have a task for it. I said I also felt past approaches weren't working out and that I'd like to take up the offer to go on training. I was trying to word it very neutral to not upset my colleagues, as they tried their best. But the colleague who I had previous conflicts with took it personal and accused me of not listening and that is why my code is awful. While all I've been doing is rely on his code to learn. Long story short it got very heated and direct manager and scrum master who were present had to shut it down.
I'm thinking of talking to my manager and mentor today. It really hurts when you're accused of maliciousness when all you did was try. I know my code isn't perfect. But I get no help in improving it beyond long winded explanations about theory. If I ask for practical help he says he won't write my code for me. Which isn't what I expect. When I say I followed his example he says I shouldn't copy. But two sentences later he says if I don't know what I am doing I should listen to him. It's really very confused and demotivating as a beginner, but he makes it about how I waste his time and ruin his job for him. I understand he tries his best and that it has to be hard when someone seemingly is as dumb as a bag of bricks. But my manager and mentor told me they support me as long as I continue to show improvement. So I asked for alternatives (training, time to study, or whatever I haven't thought of) and now I feel like the bad person. I'm already someone with crippling low self esteem, and I'm thrown into the deep end. It kinda sucks when someone then tells you from the sideline you can't swim and how swimming works. How about tossing me one of those floaty things and then maybe accept I need to hold on to that for a bit and my technique will need work until I can make it on my own? :(3
People complaining about other people bragging about nonexistent dev or hacker skills.
Sorry, but all I can picture is a kid with low self esteem being a braggart to another kid.
Who actually gives a flying fuck?1
I was looking at some info about how much ads pay, CPM and all that, came across a guy who answered a question related to this on quora (FUCK quora piece of shit content farm :/ but that's a story for another day) and put links to his apps on Google Play in it.
I always had low self esteem and think that I know nothing and I'm shit but seriously fact that people who make apps like this exist and are proud of their shit makes me feel better.
His entire collection of apps are garbage like this, like a "driving school" with images from Google Search and other games screenshots and "top 10 search engines" with just logos of search engines. 😂
I got fired from my first real dev job after two weeks for working to slow... If anyone wants to help me look for my self-esteem, pick up a shovel and start diggin'.4
Just found "coding interview university" on GitHub and checked what I know, what I don't know and what I knew and now don't remember any more. My self esteem is now really low LoL2
I just finished my studies and was oozing of self-esteem. just finished a week in my new job as a system developer. Every night I cry myself asleep and wonder why we did not learn some of the most essential topics and why we learn about stuff from the stone age at the university. will be admitted to an mental hospital due to depression and low self confidence.
Almost brought down the whole production server.
Ugh, this doesn't help with my low self esteem.
In our company, the devs are not supposed to merge local development branch into a feature branch. And in the heat of the moment, and I did exactly that and opened a pull request to prod.
Fortunately, a code reviewer caught the mistake.
I was feeling like shit, but then I tried to prevent it from happening in the future and wrote this bash script.
Always wanted to learn bash script, and I am inclined towards command line based projects but never really got a good idea.2
I get anxious when I try to learn new things.
I'm not even sure how to describe it. Low self esteem? Low confidence? I dunno.
It feels like stage freight, but there's no audience or stage, it's just me and my computer.
No one really ever watches me, or judges me or anything.
I guess I'm a bit self emasculating because I don't really have a reason for feeling ashamed for trying out something in private.
But I feel that the fear, the stress is very distracting and it's limiting my progress.
Now, there's this project I'm rewriting in my company that I'm taking pride in and think that it has the potential to actually increase profits.
The stack is way better, it's visually better, the load times are better, the product is easier to access and try out, bla bla bla.
I guess I never felt truly proud of anything I've ever done in any company, most of what I did felt like grunt work.
But this one is actually a very well designed improvement.
So I'm hoping that this will be the excuse for not needing to prove myself anymore so that my mindset will be something like:
so what if I abandon another side project?
so what if I publish a game that looks like shit?
I may fail at newer projects, but I did win at that project I did in my company, and it wasn't a victory just because I say so, but also because my coworkers and bosses do too.
I don't know what else could help at this point.3
I have a problem. I can't do anything.
I can't really get started with the new path of software development. I have lots of stuff (like *tidying the room* or *exercise* or something good for my life) do but in the end all the things I have to do are tangled up. So learning usually gets in the pile of tangled up shit.
I try to use organisational tools. But my focus is zero.
Mental health issues don't help.
I think I would put at good use a few coding buddies, mentors, whatever... Self paced courses dont work for me. Bonus point of notgettingshitdone if online course.
I have low self esteem and I'm not trying to hide it.
I hate myself to the fucking core.7
1) love solving puzzles. It’s like a neural network of all the problem solving I’ve ever done manifesting itself in a product/tool someone can actually use to solve Their problems.
2) pays more than I think I’m worth.
3) people immediately think I’m smarter than I am, I got low self esteem but I really feel if you can work hard enough, you can even the playing field with those that are naturally better at coding. I love feeling smart when really I was just persistent with solving a problem and worked hard at finding a solution