Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "useless department"
Therapy session #5
I work in IT at this big company which consists of 4 office buildings
(one of them being 5 floors)
So, said company decides to replace all the printers with new ones. We're talking EVERY FUCKING PRINTER. IN TWO FUCKING DAYS!
And the best part? The other 3 members of the dept are occupied in testing new terminals for the production workers.
So here I am, trying to figure a way to make this happen in 2 days, when the new intern comes in.
New guy: Hey, I saw your assigned iTop ticket and thought I could help.
Me: Its fine man, I got it covered, thanks.
New guy: I'm telling you I got a pretty good idea.
Me thinking I can't escape this: Ok, shoot.
New guy: Go to HR and ask them a budget to buy and place just one huge switch in every building that will have
everything on it. (atm there is one switch at every floor.)
New guy: Pretty good idea huh?
Me: Oh, you mean you're serious?
New guy: Of course I'm serious! That's what you're supposed to do if you need a new piece of equipment so that the
company runs flawlessly.
Me: Ok, I'll consider it, thanks.
New guy:Don't be an idiot! What's to consider? It's a bulletproof plan.
At that point I brought up a 20 page document and hit print 40 copies of it.
Now, the new guy didn't know shit and being in a difficult period, the department leader put him on chore duty (picking up documents from the printer, answering telephones etc).
Me: Go fetch the papers, sort them out and deliver them to each department (A task I was gonna do myself cause I don't like abusing
others no matter if that's their job in the first place).
So with the new guy gone, I figured I just had to work overtime and started writing down IPs and witch printer answers in what department.
All was good and with about 2-3 more hours each day, I completed the task and we informed everyone that they could use their new printers.
And all hell broke loose. The one building that consists of 5 floors is the home of our beloved salesmen (the most arrogant, rude and know-it-all
assholes in all the company). Whoever installed the switches, when the building was given access to house workstations, mixed them up and i.e. the
first floor PCs were connected to the second floor switch. So, not knowing that, I connected the first floor printers to the first floor switch.....Aaaaand you got the general idea.
There was chaos. Papers mixed up, departments, not getting their orders. Complete chaos. And in the middle of it, me.
I was called in head of the department's office, yesterday after the completion of the task and the ruckus that followed it
and asked to explain my actions. The server/system admin (his brother) comes in and says it's his fault and that's the way it is since that building opened up (about 5 years now), so I'm in the clear (I didn't do anything wrong anyways but it was hard to prove it if he haven't spoken).
I just finished fixing the last one, and I'm ready to go home in one hour or so.
The new guy came at me half an hour ago and said that he will go to HR and report me for abusing his position and making him run everywhere with useless documents and say that I used bad language. Now he's delivering documents again. I didn't do it but I'm sure that when the new guy ran to the printer, I saw the system admin blinking.
It's nice to have the favour of the Admin.14
Working really hard, finishing tasks, upgrading servers. Cancel some useless meetings to finish up features, working till 2am to get a database migration working. Half of the platform is transformed, both customers and team are very happy about their accomplishments.
Boss: "OK, I think we're on the right path with these changes, but productivity and morale is honestly disappointing. Are you guys sleeping enough? You all look very tired and unmotivated!"
Attend all meetings, call boss at 7am to discuss random purchases like a whiteboard, run around the office holding a (broken, lol) MacBook, looking very busy & slightly worried. I shout random things at people across the office like "Nice work Gary!" and "Damn, you are on a roll Angela!". I initiate smalltalk with department heads, only to immediately disrupt the conversation by checking my phone saying "Oh I really have to take this one" (empty battery, lol). No one writes a single line of code for four weeks, and nothing new has been deployed by the whole team.
Boss: "I think it's commendable how productive the team has become this month. You guys are all so active and involved. A real improvement!"6
Yeah Mozilla fuck merit and fuck you too!
This, this is what I was talking about when the fucking CoC came out and everyone (including it's author) started it using it as a political weapon.
You castrated fucking virgins! Mozilla, I want to support you I really don't like chrome but you always manage to disappoint everyone. I'm tired, tired of you morally superior socialists infecting my fucking workplace, entertainment and news.
This is just an excuse for lazy assholes to have their cake and eat it too and it's damn fucking INSULTING to us "minorities", I can work to get nice things just like anyone else bitch! having another skin color is not a disability!
Worst of all, you seem to have straight out millennial retards making these decisions seeing as it's based on an article from a washed up "gender research" professor that thinks Barbie Doctor is problematic, the most biased and dumb source you can possibly pull out of your ass.
Two classmates were murdered this morning, do you really think we care about what your diversity and inclusion Dept thinks it's problematic? You delusional halfwits, the only comforting thought is that your soft bigotry will perish alongside your product when it inevitably diminishes it's quality for sake of "equality".
Want to make better products? Ditch your useless diversity and inclusion department and start optimizing the memory consumption on firefox.
Want to help minorities? Start paying your outsourced developers decently.
I hope this helps people who thought including politics in software development wouldn't have dire consecuences to open their eyes; if not, oh well I guess people will get it when mozilla keeps going down the drain and they get fired because they just outsourced their work in the name of "diversity" just to save money.
The last 5 months have been tough.... My boss ( who was a close friend) quit and I become interim department head... Trying to run a team who didn't seem happy I'd taken the reigns.
At the same time my wife's ongoing battle with her anxiety had gotten worse and she really needed my help with everything possible at home..
In March I was confirmed as the HoD but I was still doing 3 to 4 days a week on client delivery, trying to support all presales activities, manage a team of 10 people, travel for work and support my family....😩
It really got to me and I was close to breaking... The worry of not replying to an email ASAP no matter what time of day would eat me up, working late every night... It got too much and I was running on fumes with my weekends just me completely wiped out and useless to the family. 😓
I had a escape last weekend to a 🍻 beer 🍻 festival with friends that I was considering not going too and just losing the money but the wife made me go...
And it broke me even more... So much that its somehow put the pieces back in the right order in my brain and snapped me out of my major rut!
Somehow, sitting with friends, making stupid jokes, drinking way too much and blocking out all the work crap gave my brain the hard reset it needed. 🤟
This week I've come back a different person ( wife's words) work is a breeze, exciting and encouraging.... 👊
I can't get enough of playing silly games with my kids all night
And couldn't feel any more positive about things if I tried.... Set that spark back for my wife too! 😏💏
So.... After that long rant 👀
Tl;Dr - work and life got too much... Close to giving up... Too much beer with good company gave me a hard reset and I feel like a new person.... 👍
Plus the team is now loving the new direction and strategy too 👔
Who says drinking is bad for you? 😂🍻11
I'm not sure whether to cry or to burn everything to the ground.
I'm stuck in a rotten, over aged corporate that will one day choke on all the documents and formalism they require. Which is something I'm generally fine with. Each to their own.
But ever since I handed in my resignation they have been fucking me like I have never been gang raped before.
(A little context: I work for a midsize financial institute. Which at least in Germany are full of legacy projects and are regulated as all hell.)
So some fuckwits decided that since the regulator slapped us hard 2 years ago that we need to make up a new standard of documentation that has to be used for all IT-documentation there ever was and ever will be.
So the upper management (the before mention dumb-dumbs) choose some consultant company and locked them up together with the brightest stars (read biggest slime balls) of the IT department in an ivory tower and told them to pull some out the ass.
And one year later (early November last year) they got the shit they ordered. Gilden shit, only the most sparkly and non-sensical bullcrap you could imagine.
But they only looked at it and deemed it good. Now the guys actually in charge of the the applications got served the dish. And guess what they found out when started to dig into? Nothing but contradictions, non-final thoughts and all of that held together by web of retarded, unusable guidelines. But they ate it, they cursed but they swallowed forced by disciplinary punishments waiting should they misbehave.
The only one emerging fact was: All previous documentation was completely invalidated.
But now the mighty lords in the ivory tower guided by the never failing hand of the higher management had the greatest idea of them all. They needed someone to check all the documentation till the end of this year but since they blew all of their budget on useless wankers ( oh, ofc I meant "highly qualified external help") they now preyed on the lowest in the food chain. Which is where this story goes full circle and comes back to me.
I was the lowest rank on the food chain, a student that just handed in his resignation.
I was the first to be locked up in the basement, my co-student followed shortly after.
And now I'm going to spend my last 2 months looking at checklists that we had to pull out of the slime's ass and validating hundreds of thousands of pages of documentation. We get grinded up in the endless hate coming from the guys that we need to tease and are held in position by a wall of sheer idiocy on the side of the rule makers.
Today I cried when I had to tell someone that his magnificent documentation was not standard conform and had thus no longer any meaning or right to exist.
Thanks you for those that made it this far down. I hope you never have to feel my pain.11
Funniest meeting ever!
Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.
Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.
My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."
I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."
Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*2
I hate marketing department. They have no idea how much work is involved to make their pedantic "minor" and pretty useless changes. But instead of considering the technical debt something will cause, they just want it done.
When they say "it's just this, it's easy" I seriously want to strangle them.
You do it if it's so easy assholes!
If I tell you the framework we use does it a certain way and to change it means to track down and make changes to core across entire system that most likely will break other stuff for something bullshit minor visual effect they seen on a competitors site that has an entire dev team of at least 5 devs, not a single dev that also takes care of there stupid servers, plus doesn't use the same framework we do, makes me beyond rageful. And then when i finally get it done, they decide they like it better a different way! Fuuuuuck I hate you!
Decided I really hate marketers.
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision not taking the job offer.3
So this is my first rant but I have to rant about this because I can’t take it anymore.
So I have a manager that has build the department we are in from an application he built that takes care of department metrics. I work for an ISP for a technical support department that takes care of the metrics and tools that they use to troubleshoot(not to mention that I work mostly with shitty legacy code). When I first got into the team There was no version control, no way to actually measure our work and no actual structure on anything. So when I came in I implemented TFS and GIT, so now we have at least that. The problem is that when my manager decided it would be a good idea to implement agile/ Kanban development in my team, he also decided that a methodology that was proven to work was not enough. So he started adding a bunch of useless and annoying rules on top of that methodology. Some of those rules were for example we don’t use tasks, we use backlog items as tasks and each backlog item has to take minimum of 15 minutes and maximum of 2 days to get completed, if it takes you longer you have to split it into chunks like part A and part B etc. Same thing for features which don’t represent features but represent projects which can’t be greater than 2 weeks and then Epics which can’t be greater than 2 months. But also you can only put in TFS stuff that is related to projects and nothing else. So not all the work you do is accounted in there but yet it will be used for your overall performance at the end of the year. It’s fucking wack and I can’t wait to move out of there, the environment is pretty toxic. It feels like everyone in our team except the one ass licker is just dead inside and no one gives a shit anymore. And that is what happens when you try to make a proven working thing into something “better” when you know nothing about it.3
Am I the only person who draws equal sign between "being politically correct at work" and "being politically corrupted"?
It's really depressing to watch shits not getting done in the department because competent people refuse to speak up their minds and deliberately not putting efforts to make a change in order not to offend incompetent authorities for being worse than useless!1
So its been around a month since I started my internship in this company. Seriously hating it. Most of the people are nice enough..but the work though..I get that since you're not really an IT company then theres no coding and stuff,sure.So, you put me in this 'IT related department' where I basically can't do anything other than be useless until you have documents for me to edit. Really?? The least you can do is just give me something challenging to work with but noooo just copy paste that stuff and change the damn fonts. "Oh you're done already? Pretty fast" well how long do you expect me to do this thing?? The only reason why it would take me a whole day to edit stuff is because your laptop's Word literally restarts itself every minute!!! How the @#$/# do you do anything with this?!!
//its gonna be a long 7 months....9