Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..

Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?

Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.

*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*

*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*

*Crickets chirp*

There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.

Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.

DevRant meeting is going! Having some drinks right now 😁

devRant meetup in the Netherlands yesterday was awesome! Hereby a group picture we took.

Thanks for the amazing evening, people!

Bored, stuck in a long ass meeting. When suddenly someone brings up the program I made. People start complementing it.

Today's gonna be a good day.

Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome! Talked a lot, had quite some drinks, had pizza and just fun in general!

At least one selfie was required imo so here it is :). Of course, we had to include Devy ;).

Also overlooked a comment from someone wanting their face censored so took the old post down and hereby an edited version.

I said camel toe instead camel case in a meeting today...

Meeting deadlines would be like

when you're frustrated.

One time I was in a meeting and the UX Director fell asleep (like he had done before) but this time did a little quiet snoring. I was cracking up. A few other people noticed but he was off to the side so most just tried not to wake him and eventually he woke up.

Shopping goals - meeting this salesman

HR Project update meeting.
Duration: 1h
Content:
1) recap of previous meeting
2) overview of what we will discuss in next meeting.

Meeting up with @Wack currently. Devy went along as well!

Never got the chance to meet my company's CTO... So I started meeting other company's CTO.

Meeting op with @CoffeeNCode still, we're having good times and good beers!

Cheers devRant 🍻

"Sure ill join the meeting it's not like I'm busy with the project's deadline being this Friday and all"
My notes from the meeting:

So this just happened. I was in a meeting showing the demo to the client ( biggest client of the company ). He was there with his wife ( head of finance ) all dressed up. We were around 5 people in the room looking at the projector with the product. I usually have my messenger closed and laptop on silent before going in a meeting but ... Well.. i forgot.

Half way through the presentation, a wild dropdown in the middle of the screen appears. Notification from facebook messenger from my gf with the message " I'm horny af ”. That's all, nothing else. I entered chrome full screen the next second but the damage has been done already. Oh, the judgement in their eyes ...

We shall never speak about it . Ever, i said to my colleague.

*At a vendor meeting*
Manager: Is "sex" a required field?
Vendor: Yes, sex is mandatory
Me:

I was forced to attend a meeting about a project I wasn't part of.

When you see this in the internet and get ideas for your next meeting

Meeting with commercial, wish me luck

Meeting with the PM

Meeting deadlines like...

way to pass the time in a painful meeting!

After the 10th pointless meeting...

Alright, since the organizer for the European devRant meetup canceled it (let's not get butthurt/hating etc), I'd love to (with the help of some other people) organize one myself since I was really looking forward to it!

Question would be, who'd be up for it?

Location would most likely be Germany since that's the most central point.

I'd love to hear from you all!

About to meet with @CoffeeNCode!

I'm excited :)

Just had a meeting with clients...
Accurate as fuck.

When you sit in a meeting for hours and don't say a word.

Have you ever had a recursive meeting? A meeting about a meeting, about a meeting, about a meeting...

Please please please be tomorrow already.

I AM TOO HYPED FOR THIS DEVRANT MEETING 😁

Recursive meeting...

Yesterday, I had a meeting to prepare today's meeting, which goal is to prepare tomorrow's meeting... 😣

Last week we had a short seminar at work about 'listening skill.'

In that speaker gave an example how 'natural' leaders speak last in the meetings.

From that day we are having entirely silent meetings.

Now management is planning seminar on 'Speaking Up'

Memes during team meeting

Somebody farted in a meeting today.. 🤣

We had a meeting whose agenda was to plan another meeting.

Last meeting of the day was actually good. Managed to get to the point! Booking this room over and over again!

Managers are an interesting breed.

Yeasterday I took part in one of the most confusing meeting I havr ever had.
It was supposed to be with two managers and another coleague to discuss an undefined topic ( it was market internal discussion ). The coleague was on leave so it was just me and them. So...
I get to the meeting room on the dot, it was deserted. I proceed to sit down and open devRant :p
They finally show up, come in, sit down on the opoaite side of the table from me, discuss some bussiness items, their wifes and children and tell a couple of jokes and then they say we're done.( my presence was not really aknoledged so far apart from a hello)
Out of sheer confusion I ask: "So why was my presence actually necessary?" The answer did not fail to confuse me even more than the actual meeting: "Because your coleague also had to be here"
Just to make it clear, they wanted to assign him some stuff and that's it.

I am still confused. Interesting creatures these managers. I should disect one's brain some day to find out how it works.

Next time there's a supposedly "short" meeting i'ma bring snacks and a drink

Our manager is not a developer and he has no idea of what we are doing most of the time, but he thinks that stand-up meetings are the coolest way to control us.
Sometimes coworkers joke about his lack of knowledge and today I think we reached the highest jerk level: «Yesterday I opened a new branch on the git repository and today I'll continue on this task».
I struggled to stay serious on my turn.

Hello from Germany !
Meeting new, smart people doesn't seem to be a problem here :)

Conversation with my boss via texts across the table in a meeting.

It has been 3 days in the office without actually coding.

Arriving at the Hague very soon, can't wait to see all the dutch devvies and the Belgium one!

We'll keep ranting about this :)

Forgetting/not bothering to bring your laptop to a long, boring meeting.

It means the programmers, testers, and management needs to have a meeting...

Dutch devRant meeting is on!

Although not that many people have confirmed they're coming, at least around 5 have.

Upcoming Saturday around 2pm well gather at the hague central station and from three on we'll see what we'll do :).

Can't wait guys'n gals!

In the meeting with a client
PM will be like.->

I'm so screwed. Client meeting in an hour.

Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome!

Since quite some people couldn't do it today i also suggested to do a second day, tomorrow.

Just haven't gotten any response yet at all, so anyone in for that? If yes, sounds awesome, if no, no hurt feelings :)

All,

Let's have a quick meeting about today's meeting so we can plan our meeting for tomorrows meeting. Thanks!

Thanks,
Kill myself

It was not a meeting but a class. We learned to program in Java.

Using notepad....

I was called in our residents meeting because I was talking on the phone that "We should kill the childs first and if there are any orphans we should kill them,too".

Four meetings today.

Legal was not involved in legal agreement changes until I refused to make them without Legal signing off. Legal changed several things, leading to:

Project scope changed size from large to minuscule to small to medium.

Details changed at every step.

Despite being incredibly structured and process-heavy, people at this company are so disorganized. 😕

12 - 1pm is lunch time. What the hell is it with this team and arranging meetings for this time, does nobody eat?

*Propose new time*

Justification: ... i'm fucking hungry

I just had a 2 hours long company lunch followed by a 1 hour meeting with the whole team. And I still have a big problem to discuss with two colleagues. Too much social interaction for one day for me. Damn, how my head hurts.

Survived another meeting that should have been an email.

When PM sets up a meeting to discuss stuff that can be solved over an email

6 min 38 sec Skype Meeting that could have been covered in an email..WHY?!?!

Overheard 2 colleagues having an interesting telephonic meeting late night at my room.
Dev 1: Wait. I am trying to fix it.
Dev 2: Ok. Take your time
Dev 1: Shit. I found it. I knew I was doing something wrong here.
Dev 2: Oh. Nice. What was the bug?
Dev 1: It was a super silly mistake. Don't want to tell. Folks will laugh at me.
Dev 2: Don't worry. It happens with everyone. Come tomorrow at office, and whisper it in my ears. Noone will know.

One time was in a meeting with clients from abroad (big company with some offices in the US). After the meeting we went to a restaurant with the clients. Then one hour later our CEO shows up and starts tanking beers like crazy and gets super wasted. Then starts asking the client if they have a job for him in the US. He doesnt want to run his company anymore because all his employees are fuckung idiots blahblah. Then he asks me you understand right you have seen my employees they are fucking stupid. Uhm yeah dude I work for you... *awkward sillence, continues chugging beers, changes topic*

sync meeting:
dev: damn, the tests failed again

bossman: let's blame it on the neutrinos hitting the mainframe which flips a digit and causing the tests to fail this time!

dev: ok ...!

Every single requirements meeting

When I'm bored in a useless meeting, I try to guess how much that meeting just cost the company for nothing.
Today I got to 2000€ for 1hour meeting

That moment when the whole Dev team has a team meeting and your not invited 😕

System goes down in a meeting about how to make the system highly available.

Dutch devRant meeting.

The current idea is:
Place: The Hague
Starting date: Saturday the 21th of October.
Ending date: Sunday the 22th for the ones who'd like or just Saturday for the ones who'd like that more.
Spot/place within the hague: (help me out here people)

People can get their own sleeping accommodation. Please ask if you cant find anything :).

So for now remains as main point: when/what time!

Share your throughts in the comments.

Fuck you power. Fuck you.

You go down at 2pm in the middle of Friday and planning to return only after 6pm. Fine. Fuck yourself.

I'm now drinking beer.

I had this meeting with this new client and where talking about the possibility to exchange data.

And he told how his company now has everything in the cloud and if we also have it in the cloud it should already be connected since it's both in the cloud.

I tried to explain that because its both in the cloud that does not mean it's connected to each other. We still need to develop a way to exchange data.

On wich I got the answer that our data probably is not in the real cloud.

In the end I just said that we can probably exchange data but it the easiest way to accomplish this is talking to someone who maintain the data in your cloud. And we could adapt our system to theirs.

Sometimes it's hard to communicate with less tech savvy people about tech stuff. Explaining things in a way they understand but also is technical correct.

I've come to a conclusion today: Management are fucking with me. I know it sounds far fetched, but its the only thing that makes sense.

I was in a meeting today, discussing some bad emails back and forth. Part of my issue was the amount of time spent on useless meetings, or waiting around to give demos.

The meeting got cut short, so I could prepare a demo for a VP ... after an hour and a fucking half of waiting around ... theres no time to see my demo.

What the actual fuck, seriously .... seriously what the actual fuck. What if the name of mother fucking christ is going on with this team, that they call me into a mother fucking meeting to discuss the "developers attitude" only to go and cut it short ... so they can fucking waste my time ... for the second time in 3 mother fucking days.

Oh i'd rather fuck myself with a cactus than spend the rest of my days dealing with this utter bullshittery.

Two hours meeting for a five minutes code change.

At a meeting, supress the instinct to throw a whiteboard eraser to the customer.

At a meeting so relevant that I'm posting this...

WHO CALLS A MEETING AT 4:30PM?!? 🤬🤬🤬

Meeting of two lovers...

my desk neighbour started an online meeting, with her headset on. but she didn't realise that all the sound came from speakers. meeting lasted several hours.

Really hate it when you're dragged into a long meeting when you're not supposed to be there

A meeting about my "future" as my old company kicked me out after 5 years.

This is our after meeting first aid kit.

Meetings about meetings that we're going to have to discuss the need for the next meeting wherein a potential followup meeting will be scheduled to meet for the meeting.

My favorite excuse overheard for running Windows over Linux: "I like my sh*t to work."

Then... as if it was planned, his presentation PC running Windows force rebooted to install patches.

We have an "unicorn meeting" (designer) and an "owl meeting" (developers) at work.
My sister asked me, why it's not "spider meeting", as we are web developers.

Okay dutchies and other people who'd like to join.

devRant meeting in The Hague. As far as I can see, Saturday is a good option for many people and for the people who'd like to do a weekend, they can find some sleeping accommodation in The Hague.
I'm personally more than willing to do two days!

Anyone any ideas for a good meeting place? Also one in case it'll rain which is quite likely in the Netherlands.

Please comment your ideas on this information!

Team meeting in 25min

So sad 😢 no one mentioned me while I was in a meeting

that feeling when half your day is meetings :/

The company wants me to attend a meeting while expecting to finish coding. So i just code in a meeting pretending i was taking down notes.

Meeting girls

Every meeting that includes "X feature doesn't work on iOS"

Well, fuck you apple!

Best part of the day is when 5-6pm meeting gets cancelled

Skype meeting with bosses be in the middle of the night and I'm drunk as hell.

Uh oh. This sure is fun and troublesome.

How can I be of your help, sir? (Hick)

Sure! I can (belched loudly) do that!

I'd be glad to have your help!

Went to the loo to the point, it's my chance to vomit secretly. Now's the chance to remove the toxin (my head is aching)... and felt so sad when all my food is wasted.

The moment you walk in a meeting where new features being discussed...

"Pokemon Go" is first thing we discussed in team meeting today 🙄

I need some advice: How could you stop laughing at a meeting? Help!

Yesterday, in a meeting with the development team, my boss accidentally wrote "Puto System" on the board (of course, I cannot post the real name of the project). For those who don't speak spanish, "Puto" means "asshole".

Oh, I laughed so fucking hard XD Well, we continued with the meeting, but I couldn't stop laughing, and then, I was going to ask a question about one of my tasks, and accidentally said "hard" instead of "boubt" (in spanish "dura" instead of "duda") and all of us laughed again.

At the time I'm writing this post I can't remember that without laughing, help! I need to get serious :'v

Who the Fuck Came up with "SCRUM MEETINGS"

Funniest meeting ever!

Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.

Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.

My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."

I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."

Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*

I lose the ability to code for some hours after a long meeting.

!rant

I nerver met any other programmer in my real life.. i mean seriously. except job etc.

My week at glance:
Monday: Sunday night hangover
Tuesday:Prepare report for progress meeting.
Wednesday: Progress meeting
Thursday:work little bit for next week progress meeting.
Friday: weekend fever and hence not in mood to work.
#big #company #work #culture

When a developer walks in a meeting where new features are being discussed...

Today I had the most f...g ABSURD and POINTLESS meeting with the client ever, that was arranged by the sales! I drove f...g 100km there and f...g 100km back to have a meeting that lasted about 20 minutes. And it's not even the worst yet. It turned out that I was not even the right person to be there. So guess what - the whole meeting boiled down to me making a phonecall on a loudspeaker to the f...g right person. I have wasted half a day and I HAVE OFFICIALY BECAME THE MOST EXPENSIVE PHONE HOLDER!! Not that I have not insisted a few times before to make a call to ensure that the meeting is necessary at all.

11 people, 5 hour meeting...
.
...
..
... Ugh...

Outlook must have a different meeting in mind than the one I will be attending tomorrow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm in a demo meeting scrolling thru devrant 😏

Sometimes I don't want my co-workers to see the notes I write on a meeting, for several reasons: Maybe they might have bad intentions (yes, I'm a little bit paranoid), or sometimes I wrote stupid stuff just to concentrate or remember things faster, or I want to practice my cyrillic alphabet.

What do you think? how do you take "secret" notes on a meeting? Any slav in here that could tell me if he/she understands my calligraphy? XD

client: we want something like Facebook
programmer: it was nice meeting you.*walks away*

The superpower to know, if a meeting will have sense, beforehand.

That would have to be the meeting we went to to plan a meeting. At the clients offices on top of it, so a 20min drive one way to sit in a meeting room to plan a meeting.

Scheduling any meeting before 10am is asking for disappointment.

Already dreading about going to work Monday because there is an all day meeting scheduled. 7am meeting, non programming related, video conference. Yikes. #ijustwanttoprogram

Meeting yesterday:

Senior E: "Man, every time I do code review I thought this is the stupidest code ever written - then I look at the author, oh wait it's me"

Me: "Well, the perfect code is the code never gets written"

SE: "Casting appreciative look with a nod"

Every appraisal meeting ever...

Suddenly there's this tight deadline, everyone's pumping hours in, I am the one that has to discuss with everyone and integrate their work into mine. So I schedule an early morning meeting with a colleague, whose work is crucial in order to continue integrating the others' modules.

30mins into the meeting, he's not there yet. I reach him
"Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, I'm actually not available today, and until 3 days before the deadline"

Well isn't this great.

In a stand-up my PM and Client discuss about their kid's name. 😣🤐

While(meeting)
{
Productivity = 0;
}

First two minutes in a meeting with new clients that hate devs.

Today's full day meeting accomplishments:

- start 9:00 am
- updated intellij idea
- updated fedora
- checked out servers to see if everything was OK

- lunch break

- people agreed that "we are just gonna do it and plan later"
- presented my status on the actual meeting subject
- me and the consultant realised we are really fucked :)
- meeting ended 5:30 pm

Yay!

Leader: Meeting starts in 10 mins, we have to show this to the boss
*Team member breaks database silently
*I notice the API has stopped working
Leader: Anyone , anything you want to tell me before the meeting.
*I raise my hand
Me: Yep, the API is not working :)
*Everybody ... FACEPALM

The sales guys ate all our pizzas. Utter waste of meeting time.

Boss always summon a meeting while I'm very happy in coding.

Had a conference call and one of the guys said something along the lines of "I can handle the load (ticket load)" didn't even thought about it my mouth instinctively reacted with "that's what she said".

A couple of guys laughed but the other few just "wooooow"ed like if I had thrown a 9/11 joke.

This is not a rant perse, just a reminder that if I ever launch my own startup I shall look to hire "joke sensitive" people to make my scrum meetings as awkward as possible.

attending first php meeting and getting excited over the php elephant

Don't you dare inviting me to a meeting starting at 12pm.

Almost every single meeting

Alpine developer during annual meeting of Italian Alpine Troops (we call them Alpini)

Meetings: A great place for people to come together and listen to themselves talk.

<< last week >>
boss: next meeting will be on monday at 8:00 am. Is an super important meeting.

<< today at 8:00 >>
me: Well, I'm alone here...

<< today at 8:20 >>
me: is today Monday?

<< today at 8:40 >>
me: boss, will you and the others come to the urgent and important meeting of today?
boss: what meeting?

:-/

In a meeting for 2 hours now... No end in sight 😭

In my previous job we had a monthly meeting, where we had to discuss all periodic meetings we had to attend. This meeting was only for non managers, and we created a sheet of pros and cons, which was than reviewed by managers on specific meeting for that purpose, and then we had a meeting to discuss those points with managers.

Silicon Valley - sales guys a riot - and accurate. Meeting scenes were great. Very funny.

When you have a three hour project specification meeting and the people from "the business" spend two hours of it arguing over what to call the thing you're building the system to manage..

Sigh..

When the 15min stand-up meeting is 30 mins long

movie idea:
Corporate take on Inception: A meeting about a meeting which discussed an email about an email.

I had an after work meeting, i was supposed to take it from home, i got busy trying on my new dresses and totally forgot 😱😂

My coworkers just invited me to a "scum meeting" and that's the most accurate meeting invite I've ever received.

So today is my first meeting with my first client for my first ever project...
Any suggestions?

> 1 hr meeting
> 30 min free
> 30 min meeting
> 3 hour meeting
> 30 min free
> 15 min "check point"
> How hard is concrete from 20 stories?!

I had a 6 hour meeting and updated our git server today... That was it

Waiting for clients, meeting on Sunday morning. :(

you know a meeting is productive when it goes for more than 3 hours

Reserve a meeting room for 30 minutes. Sit in there for 2 hours straight and don't give a shit if someone else who reserved the room wants to have it.
Learn to plan your fucking meetings!

A meeting but we never talked nor shown anything

best 10 minutes of my life

"Just hardcoded the thing so in tomorrow meeting works"

And it repeated before every fucking meeting.

A: Seems no error reported yet~

B: Yes, since no one is using it

That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.

Fuck this shit!

Who did I piss off in my life to have to deal with this bullshit? First day off of vacation. I am vacation hungover and just regular hungover. Left my Xanax at home. I just sat through a 45 minute meeting that I didn't have to be in for longer than three minutes. I have what my work place calls scrum in 7 minutes, another fucking meeting I don't have to be in cuz vacation. I wasn't even planning on coming in today except for the fact that my fucking boss came in, in the middle of his vacation, to schedule a meeting this afternoon and then go ghost when I try to either reschedule or at least ask what my fucking responsibility in this meeting is this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach because anger triggers my anxiety which triggers my stomach issues which triggers my phobia which triggers more anxiety which then triggers my anxiety. Gods fucking dammit. Why did I come back from vacation just to arrive in meeting hell? Nothing is okay.

Meeting101:

1) Schedule a meeting to discuss some important issues.
2) Discuss everything but those issues!
3) Schedule another meeting for same issues.
😭

Team Meeting with Senior senior manager(SSM) from headquarters.
Post lunch break (casual talks)
SSM: You all people in this office live in luxury. Each and every door has a security guard to open and close the door for all of you. HQ doesn't have these.
Me: So, does it mean that there are no doors or no security guards at the HQ?
Everyone in my team with a very big facepalm. Manager telling me not to get high after having the lunch.

Footnote: All my colleagues and my manager often tells me that I get high just by eating food.

Another meeting....

Got a new guy. Having a dumb meeting. New guy is humblebragging. It is making the dumb meeting longer. I feel angry. Like Warren Moon must have felt in 1995. He is a PhD. That's probably why. Ugh.

Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"

Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."

Client A: "Meaning?"

Me: "You have to pay more."

*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*

Client A: "I don't understand."

Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....

Just because I am a night owl and arrive late to your fucking meeting at 1100am, it does not mean I am shit head and trying to save out of office. Then why did you fucker shift my meeting an hour before and screw up my whole day. Fuck you asshole.

I am in a morning meeting and everyone is arguing... FML

Finally, meeting over. Got the project. Yippee..... :)

If I'm able to DevRant (as a verb, yes) through an entire meeting... I feel as though I shouldn't be in the meeting?

So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...

When the client asks shit that you already went over in a meeting the previous day.

Why can't meeting organizer enforce time schedule, especially ending?

It's pretty much normal to stay 1,5 hour on 1 hour meeting.

Well, it's 5:53am. I have successfully stayed up all night making about 20% of an entire Django site for a client meeting this morning that I'm not going to.

I'm not sure how much he wants to be able to see but I think I'm done for now. I need sleep and coffee and food all at once preferably.

I keep nodding off and scaring myself...

a meeting on why we are behind on a project. a meeting about meeting about being behind.... too many useless meetings

Just sth that I drew during today's meeting

Turns out I'm terrible at meeting people. Go figure, it's the cliche of being a dev.

I just moved into a pretty nice apartment in a nice area, but I I know literally nobody here aside from coworkers. The only friend I have left that hasn't moved away is in jail for a good while. 😧

The only place I can think to meet people is at a bar/club - which isn't really my thing. Even then, just walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation just seems fucking weird to me.

Anybody have any advice on making new friends in basically a new town?

Folks, any suggestions.
Meeting going on and I am super sleepy...

Companies new policy.

Deadline is looming, we need to work super hard and be super productive so we will set 3 meeting each day to check on how productive you have been in the last 2 hours...

Damn. I am super super nervous. A meeting specially arranged twice so that I can participate and give my feedbacks. It in 2 minutes and I have nothing to say.

When you have standup meeting and your mates share the screen of His own hangout window

C# design meeting notes. I love knowing what's gonna come and setting the decisions being made 😁

No such thing as a productive meeting.

"I'm no idea what your angular or selenium means" Cto in a meeting...

That moment when the client sets the meeting during your lunch hour.

Meeting with the client

Oh man! the long meetings.....
Only produce headaches nothing else.

Every meeting. Period.

That feeling when you're the only one of your team sitting at your desk and you cannot shake of that nagging doubt:

Did I miss a meeting?

Apparently people hate meetings and I never really got why but we had a 5 hour long meeting on monday so .. i get it ..

The person sitting next to me in scrum is literally eating honey roasted peanuts out of a cereal bowl with a spoon

My resting meeting face.

Is it me or it's the recruiters uprising season? I'm getting contacts every day 🤔

When I need to fight for user experience on a meeting

Skip the meeting if you are not required.

So, having a meeting jumping rope would be awesome

STFU MOLLY!!!

Story time:

I'm late for a meeting. It's between client, coworker and me. It's different from a normal meetings. So I ask my friend something along the lines of "How to connect to a 3 person call."

His reply: "Did you really just ask me how to connect to a 3 way."

I guess there's always time for one of those jokes -_-

Yay! Another meeting to go over a design concept for the next version of our website, awesome this makes meeting 16

Not sure if a rant but.

How many of you guys gets so bored durning meetings on all the none important stuff or not related to you that you just start codeing instead?

I have these hours long meetings with analist that can talk calculations all dat long, how usefull they are, wich analyses you can do for them. I really don't care. Just tell me the formula and I will make it. Do not care whether A is voltage or the amount of pink clouds on sunday.

The fear of unknown before a clients meeting

Just came up with something inspired by @librarycomic for use at the very start of every meeting with the customer.

"You have the right to remain silent. Any ridiculous specs or illogical features that you say can and will be laughed at in the back project office room.
Any real questions you ask will be answered to the best of our ability, as long as they don't violate privacy or the law or the internet.
You have the right to be in a hurry or tighten the deadline, but not to expect that it will cost the project any less.
With these rights in mind, let us begin our progress meeting. On to you."

Feel free to fork and contribute! :D

I work on many projects at work. There's divisions of teams and each team typically has one project. Each one of those projects have weekly Sprint meetings.

That's great! For the team. That means each team has one meeting a week so it's not too disruptive for those individuals.

Me on the other hand? I've got my hand in all the buckets. I'm on every team. I'm the only person on every team. This means I get to go to every meeting.

Let me rephrase that:
This means I -have- to go to every. Single. Meeting.

Which means I have a meeting every. Single. Day. Even if I didn't touch that project that week.

It is literally THE biggest waste of time. I sit there in a 1-2 hour long meeting saying absolutely nothing, not even being spoken to. I could be working on other projects.

And these meetings normally interrupt something I'm working on. Conveniently in the middle of me being in my zone. It makes me completely un-motivated to work for the hour before the meeting because why bother if I'm just going to get interrupted? And then it takes an hour to get back into everything after the meeting because everyone is fooling around or complaining about the meeting.

So that's three hours of my 8 hour work day completely wasted.

I dream of the day when I can go to work and actually work. I swear this client has a masters in pointless meeting, the other day we had a meeting to 0lan a meeting.

The shittiest thing a sales guy has said in a meeting/client meeting.

when a product manager decides to have a product review meeting from 4:30PM to 6:00PM when everyone plans to leave early.

boss: hi! how is your first day off?
me: hello boss, is great!
boss: that is cool, look, we have an issue here in the office, could you join to a Skype meeting right now?
me: ...

Now they have called a meeting at 4pm? What did I ever do to these people?!? 😡😡😡😒🤔