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Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..
Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?
Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.
*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*
*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*
*Crickets chirp*
There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.
Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.12 -
devRant meetup in the Netherlands yesterday was awesome! Hereby a group picture we took.
Thanks for the amazing evening, people!
54 -
Bored, stuck in a long ass meeting. When suddenly someone brings up the program I made. People start complementing it.
Today's gonna be a good day.
4 -
Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome! Talked a lot, had quite some drinks, had pizza and just fun in general!
At least one selfie was required imo so here it is :). Of course, we had to include Devy ;).
Also overlooked a comment from someone wanting their face censored so took the old post down and hereby an edited version.
111 -
One time I was in a meeting and the UX Director fell asleep (like he had done before) but this time did a little quiet snoring. I was cracking up. A few other people noticed but he was off to the side so most just tried not to wake him and eventually he woke up.5
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HR Project update meeting.
Duration: 1h
Content:
1) recap of previous meeting
2) overview of what we will discuss in next meeting.3 -
"Sure ill join the meeting it's not like I'm busy with the project's deadline being this Friday and all"
My notes from the meeting:
9 -
So this just happened. I was in a meeting showing the demo to the client ( biggest client of the company ). He was there with his wife ( head of finance ) all dressed up. We were around 5 people in the room looking at the projector with the product. I usually have my messenger closed and laptop on silent before going in a meeting but ... Well.. i forgot.
Half way through the presentation, a wild dropdown in the middle of the screen appears. Notification from facebook messenger from my gf with the message " I'm horny af ”. That's all, nothing else. I entered chrome full screen the next second but the damage has been done already. Oh, the judgement in their eyes ...
We shall never speak about it . Ever, i said to my colleague.9 -
Alright, since the organizer for the European devRant meetup canceled it (let's not get butthurt/hating etc), I'd love to (with the help of some other people) organize one myself since I was really looking forward to it!
Question would be, who'd be up for it?
Location would most likely be Germany since that's the most central point.
I'd love to hear from you all!57 -
A: Hey, can we talk about X for 5 minutes?
B: Yes, sure. I'm joining the meeting
...
...
You have left the room:
Meeting duration: 1 hour and 15 minutes9 -
!!politics
My employer held a company wide zoom meeting today. It was officially optional, but like 90% of the company attended.
It started out interesting as they had invited a speaker, but it quickly degraded into a gigantic political circlejerk. It was an hour and a half of bashing everyone who doesn’t hold exactly their views, calling them evil, calling them nazis, radicals, militants, racists, etc. — and I don’t share their views, like, at all, so. That really lets me know how they feel!
As far as I can tell, everyone else at the company has the same ideology. Not only does this make me incredibly uncomfortable and require me to act and pretend at all times, it’s honestly kind of infuriating, too. The amount of insults they throw around and blatant lack of tolerance displayed by these “tolerant” people is just incredible.
To them, anyone that doesn’t hold exactly their beliefs is evil, and often a slew of other things, too. And it doesn’t seem to matter how far removed those views are; apparently libertarians are evil as well? Apparently “leave everyone alone” is evil and gets you branded as a militant far-righty? Like, how does that even work? They ascribe to “everyone who doesn’t agree with me is literally Hitler,” I guess.
Fucking hell I can’t stand these people and their politics. And when they all get going on it together? Just. Fucking toxic.
I’ve been so disgusted today after sitting in on that meeting I’ve gotten practically nothing done. And I was so hoping to finally finish this stupid ticket.
Oh, and Mr. PM wants that screwdriver to do even more things now — by next week, of course. Fucking hell.
Why did I switch jobs, again?
Right, to get away from the politics.
Fucking hell.67 -
Have you ever had a recursive meeting? A meeting about a meeting, about a meeting, about a meeting...9
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Our manager is not a developer and he has no idea of what we are doing most of the time, but he thinks that stand-up meetings are the coolest way to control us.
Sometimes coworkers joke about his lack of knowledge and today I think we reached the highest jerk level: «Yesterday I opened a new branch on the git repository and today I'll continue on this task».
I struggled to stay serious on my turn.10 -
Yesterday, I had a meeting to prepare today's meeting, which goal is to prepare tomorrow's meeting... 😣7
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Last week we had a short seminar at work about 'listening skill.'
In that speaker gave an example how 'natural' leaders speak last in the meetings.
From that day we are having entirely silent meetings.
Now management is planning seminar on 'Speaking Up'3 -
Went to Vietnam to attend a client meeting. The meeting was in Vietnamese. Oh, and I don't speak their language.4
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Last meeting of the day was actually good. Managed to get to the point! Booking this room over and over again!
5 -
Arriving at the Hague very soon, can't wait to see all the dutch devvies and the Belgium one!
We'll keep ranting about this :)6 -
Dutch devRant meeting is on!
Although not that many people have confirmed they're coming, at least around 5 have.
Upcoming Saturday around 2pm well gather at the hague central station and from three on we'll see what we'll do :).
Can't wait guys'n gals!31 -
Company organised a meeting with everyone for me to explain (again) why I'm leaving.
Basically participated to a meeting to say that I'm out of their company7 -
All,
Let's have a quick meeting about today's meeting so we can plan our meeting for tomorrows meeting. Thanks!
Thanks,
Kill myself
5 -
Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome!
Since quite some people couldn't do it today i also suggested to do a second day, tomorrow.
Just haven't gotten any response yet at all, so anyone in for that? If yes, sounds awesome, if no, no hurt feelings :)17 -
Four meetings today.
Legal was not involved in legal agreement changes until I refused to make them without Legal signing off. Legal changed several things, leading to:
Project scope changed size from large to minuscule to small to medium.
Details changed at every step.
Despite being incredibly structured and process-heavy, people at this company are so disorganized. 😕4 -
I was called in our residents meeting because I was talking on the phone that "We should kill the childs first and if there are any orphans we should kill them,too".3
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I just had a 2 hours long company lunch followed by a 1 hour meeting with the whole team. And I still have a big problem to discuss with two colleagues. Too much social interaction for one day for me. Damn, how my head hurts.27
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12 - 1pm is lunch time. What the hell is it with this team and arranging meetings for this time, does nobody eat?
*Propose new time*
Justification: ... i'm fucking hungry4 -
Overheard 2 colleagues having an interesting telephonic meeting late night at my room.
Dev 1: Wait. I am trying to fix it.
Dev 2: Ok. Take your time
Dev 1: Shit. I found it. I knew I was doing something wrong here.
Dev 2: Oh. Nice. What was the bug?
Dev 1: It was a super silly mistake. Don't want to tell. Folks will laugh at me.
Dev 2: Don't worry. It happens with everyone. Come tomorrow at office, and whisper it in my ears. Noone will know.8 -
sync meeting:
dev: damn, the tests failed again
bossman: let's blame it on the neutrinos hitting the mainframe which flips a digit and causing the tests to fail this time!
dev: ok ...!4 -
Fuck you power. Fuck you.
You go down at 2pm in the middle of Friday and planning to return only after 6pm. Fine. Fuck yourself.
I'm now drinking beer.3 -
I've come to a conclusion today: Management are fucking with me. I know it sounds far fetched, but its the only thing that makes sense.
I was in a meeting today, discussing some bad emails back and forth. Part of my issue was the amount of time spent on useless meetings, or waiting around to give demos.
The meeting got cut short, so I could prepare a demo for a VP ... after an hour and a fucking half of waiting around ... theres no time to see my demo.
What the actual fuck, seriously .... seriously what the actual fuck. What if the name of mother fucking christ is going on with this team, that they call me into a mother fucking meeting to discuss the "developers attitude" only to go and cut it short ... so they can fucking waste my time ... for the second time in 3 mother fucking days.
Oh i'd rather fuck myself with a cactus than spend the rest of my days dealing with this utter bullshittery.1 -
When I'm bored in a useless meeting, I try to guess how much that meeting just cost the company for nothing.
Today I got to 2000€ for 1hour meeting3 -
Dutch devRant meeting.
The current idea is:
Place: The Hague
Starting date: Saturday the 21th of October.
Ending date: Sunday the 22th for the ones who'd like or just Saturday for the ones who'd like that more.
Spot/place within the hague: (help me out here people)
People can get their own sleeping accommodation. Please ask if you cant find anything :).
So for now remains as main point: when/what time!
Share your throughts in the comments.31 -
* online meeting *
Why are ya'll muted? We can't have a conversation if you're all muted. Just unmute yourselves.
* someone had a lot of background noise *
Huh? What's happening? What's that noise? I think someone is in a very noisy place. You know what? Just mute yourselves until you want to talk.
THATS WHAT WE WERE DOING YOU PRICK3 -
I had this meeting with this new client and where talking about the possibility to exchange data.
And he told how his company now has everything in the cloud and if we also have it in the cloud it should already be connected since it's both in the cloud.
I tried to explain that because its both in the cloud that does not mean it's connected to each other. We still need to develop a way to exchange data.
On wich I got the answer that our data probably is not in the real cloud.
In the end I just said that we can probably exchange data but it the easiest way to accomplish this is talking to someone who maintain the data in your cloud. And we could adapt our system to theirs.
Sometimes it's hard to communicate with less tech savvy people about tech stuff. Explaining things in a way they understand but also is technical correct.7 -
PM: Ok Android, i've reviewed the latest build, you are good to release. Waiting on iOS's build to test.
Me: ... are we not holding all builds until we hear back from backend about that bug?, as we likely have to change something on our side?
PM: Which bug?
Me: ... the only one we discussed yesterday in the team meeting.
PM: How many customers is it affecting?
Me: that we know of, one ... the CEO of our company
PM: oh that one, yeah were not doing that anymore.
Me: WHAT? i've been waiting all day / night to hear back. Why are we not doing this?
PM: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ... Everything is too messy at the minute anyway, the release plan is changing every day. Need to keep it back in line.
Me: ... the plan has changed exactly once. We had a plan at the start of last week for the last release, we changed it YESTERDAY to include 2 critical bug fixes. The only issue with the plan changing is nobody telling us these aren't bugs anymore
PM: We can discuss tomorrow in the team meeting.
CEO: oh hey guys, yeah we pulled that bug fix. Its not really a bug, more like a missing feature. No way it will get done before xmas. Going to live with the way it works for now and fix it properly next year.
Me: Ok, fair enough, but we really need to be told these decisions.
CEO: sure, sorry, didn't think anyone was blocked by this. What was the blocker?
Me: ..... you asked me yesterday to get this bug fix in the build ... you asked for the final build to be made today so we can go through the app store review. As we all discussed yesterday, today is kind of the last day we can really do this.
CEO: ok, its late, we can discuss this tomorrow in the team meeting.
Me: ..... ..... ..... ..... sure7 -
my desk neighbour started an online meeting, with her headset on. but she didn't realise that all the sound came from speakers. meeting lasted several hours.
5 -
The best thing that can happen to a dev?
A 2-hour meeting got cancelled. Yeah!
No backlog tomorrow!6 -
We have an "unicorn meeting" (designer) and an "owl meeting" (developers) at work.
My sister asked me, why it's not "spider meeting", as we are web developers.3 -
Meetings about meetings that we're going to have to discuss the need for the next meeting wherein a potential followup meeting will be scheduled to meet for the meeting.3
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Okay dutchies and other people who'd like to join.
devRant meeting in The Hague. As far as I can see, Saturday is a good option for many people and for the people who'd like to do a weekend, they can find some sleeping accommodation in The Hague.
I'm personally more than willing to do two days!
Anyone any ideas for a good meeting place? Also one in case it'll rain which is quite likely in the Netherlands.
Please comment your ideas on this information!40 -
I need some advice: How could you stop laughing at a meeting? Help!
Yesterday, in a meeting with the development team, my boss accidentally wrote "Puto System" on the board (of course, I cannot post the real name of the project). For those who don't speak spanish, "Puto" means "asshole".
Oh, I laughed so fucking hard XD Well, we continued with the meeting, but I couldn't stop laughing, and then, I was going to ask a question about one of my tasks, and accidentally said "hard" instead of "boubt" (in spanish "dura" instead of "duda") and all of us laughed again.
At the time I'm writing this post I can't remember that without laughing, help! I need to get serious :'v14 -
The company wants me to attend a meeting while expecting to finish coding. So i just code in a meeting pretending i was taking down notes.5
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My favorite excuse overheard for running Windows over Linux: "I like my sh*t to work."
Then... as if it was planned, his presentation PC running Windows force rebooted to install patches.8 -
Skype meeting with bosses be in the middle of the night and I'm drunk as hell.
Uh oh. This sure is fun and troublesome.
How can I be of your help, sir? (Hick)
Sure! I can (belched loudly) do that!
I'd be glad to have your help!
Went to the loo to the point, it's my chance to vomit secretly. Now's the chance to remove the toxin (my head is aching)... and felt so sad when all my food is wasted.14 -
Funniest meeting ever!
Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.
Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.
My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."
I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."
Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*2 -
My week at glance:
Monday: Sunday night hangover
Tuesday:Prepare report for progress meeting.
Wednesday: Progress meeting
Thursday:work little bit for next week progress meeting.
Friday: weekend fever and hence not in mood to work.
#big #company #work #culture5 -
Sometimes I don't want my co-workers to see the notes I write on a meeting, for several reasons: Maybe they might have bad intentions (yes, I'm a little bit paranoid), or sometimes I wrote stupid stuff just to concentrate or remember things faster, or I want to practice my cyrillic alphabet.
What do you think? how do you take "secret" notes on a meeting? Any slav in here that could tell me if he/she understands my calligraphy? XD
30 -
Today I had the most f...g ABSURD and POINTLESS meeting with the client ever, that was arranged by the sales! I drove f...g 100km there and f...g 100km back to have a meeting that lasted about 20 minutes. And it's not even the worst yet. It turned out that I was not even the right person to be there. So guess what - the whole meeting boiled down to me making a phonecall on a loudspeaker to the f...g right person. I have wasted half a day and I HAVE OFFICIALY BECAME THE MOST EXPENSIVE PHONE HOLDER!! Not that I have not insisted a few times before to make a call to ensure that the meeting is necessary at all.2
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That would have to be the meeting we went to to plan a meeting. At the clients offices on top of it, so a 20min drive one way to sit in a meeting room to plan a meeting.1
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Why focus is important.
Mr Miyagi:
"wax on"
"wax off"
Enterprise IT manager:
"wax on"
"have a meeting"
"wax dried during meeting"
"wash off"
"wax on"
"have another meeting"
"have a meeting bookending that meeting"
"wax baked on by sun"
"get out sander to remove dried wax"
"ruin paint"
"try to spot fix"
"have another meeting"
"paint is the wrong color, won't come off"
"throw it wax, start a new project"
"pay vendor to repaint car"1 -
It happened.
It finally fucking happend, I wish it didn't, but it happened.
I was in my very first call through zoom were I didn't even speak and didn't even really need to listen.
About 1h.
Everything could have been an e-mail, of course16 -
Meeting yesterday:
Senior E: "Man, every time I do code review I thought this is the stupidest code ever written - then I look at the author, oh wait it's me"
Me: "Well, the perfect code is the code never gets written"
SE: "Casting appreciative look with a nod" -
Today's full day meeting accomplishments:
- start 9:00 am
- updated intellij idea
- updated fedora
- checked out servers to see if everything was OK
- lunch break
- people agreed that "we are just gonna do it and plan later"
- presented my status on the actual meeting subject
- me and the consultant realised we are really fucked :)
- meeting ended 5:30 pm
Yay!5 -
Suddenly there's this tight deadline, everyone's pumping hours in, I am the one that has to discuss with everyone and integrate their work into mine. So I schedule an early morning meeting with a colleague, whose work is crucial in order to continue integrating the others' modules.
30mins into the meeting, he's not there yet. I reach him
"Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, I'm actually not available today, and until 3 days before the deadline"
Well isn't this great.5 -
Leader: Meeting starts in 10 mins, we have to show this to the boss
*Team member breaks database silently
*I notice the API has stopped working
Leader: Anyone , anything you want to tell me before the meeting.
*I raise my hand
Me: Yep, the API is not working :)
*Everybody ... FACEPALM2 -
I one sat through an hour and a half long meeting about how to have a meeting. I missed a deadline because it went over.
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Zoom is no meeting software.
At best, a webcast something.
*insert deity here* do I hate the overlay, sound options and speaker focus.
I want to choose wether the sound on coffee breaks keeps playing at 260%. FFS!4 -
Hi everybody (newbie here).
The most annoying thing about CEO's and bosses is theirs incapability to understand mere technical or even logical matter of topic discussed in important meetings. I found a perfect parody video, which describes how I feel when participating that kind of meeting.
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg
(sorry if repost)
P.S. Nice community this.devRant
(been lurking few weeks)7 -
Had a conference call and one of the guys said something along the lines of "I can handle the load (ticket load)" didn't even thought about it my mouth instinctively reacted with "that's what she said".
A couple of guys laughed but the other few just "wooooow"ed like if I had thrown a 9/11 joke.
This is not a rant perse, just a reminder that if I ever launch my own startup I shall look to hire "joke sensitive" people to make my scrum meetings as awkward as possible.4 -
I just finished a meeting that had also been an email. You know how it went: boss just reading the email out loud1
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I had an after work meeting, i was supposed to take it from home, i got busy trying on my new dresses and totally forgot 😱😂
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> 1 hr meeting
> 30 min free
> 30 min meeting
> 3 hour meeting
> 30 min free
> 15 min "check point"
> How hard is concrete from 20 stories?!1 -
Meeting101:
1) Schedule a meeting to discuss some important issues.
2) Discuss everything but those issues!
3) Schedule another meeting for same issues.
😭2 -
"Just hardcoded the thing so in tomorrow meeting works"
And it repeated before every fucking meeting. -
My coworkers just invited me to a "scum meeting" and that's the most accurate meeting invite I've ever received.1
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Team Meeting with Senior senior manager(SSM) from headquarters.
Post lunch break (casual talks)
SSM: You all people in this office live in luxury. Each and every door has a security guard to open and close the door for all of you. HQ doesn't have these.
Me: So, does it mean that there are no doors or no security guards at the HQ?
Everyone in my team with a very big facepalm. Manager telling me not to get high after having the lunch.
Footnote: All my colleagues and my manager often tells me that I get high just by eating food.4 -
Reserve a meeting room for 30 minutes. Sit in there for 2 hours straight and don't give a shit if someone else who reserved the room wants to have it.
Learn to plan your fucking meetings! -
Who did I piss off in my life to have to deal with this bullshit? First day off of vacation. I am vacation hungover and just regular hungover. Left my Xanax at home. I just sat through a 45 minute meeting that I didn't have to be in for longer than three minutes. I have what my work place calls scrum in 7 minutes, another fucking meeting I don't have to be in cuz vacation. I wasn't even planning on coming in today except for the fact that my fucking boss came in, in the middle of his vacation, to schedule a meeting this afternoon and then go ghost when I try to either reschedule or at least ask what my fucking responsibility in this meeting is this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach because anger triggers my anxiety which triggers my stomach issues which triggers my phobia which triggers more anxiety which then triggers my anxiety. Gods fucking dammit. Why did I come back from vacation just to arrive in meeting hell? Nothing is okay.4
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That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.
Fuck this shit!2 -
Me: *Working peacefully*
One hour later:
*Meeting starts*
...
*Meeting ends*
...
*Action items are sent*
...
My Anxiety: 📈4 -
Just because I am a night owl and arrive late to your fucking meeting at 1100am, it does not mean I am shit head and trying to save out of office. Then why did you fucker shift my meeting an hour before and screw up my whole day. Fuck you asshole.
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Got a new guy. Having a dumb meeting. New guy is humblebragging. It is making the dumb meeting longer. I feel angry. Like Warren Moon must have felt in 1995. He is a PhD. That's probably why. Ugh.1
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Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"
Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."
Client A: "Meaning?"
Me: "You have to pay more."
*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*
Client A: "I don't understand."
Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....
4 -
Ever had that meeting where it's expected that you will solve cold fusion, catch rainbows and violate the laws of thermodynamics? Just because you are an expert in your field?
Also beautifully demonstrated here:
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg3 -
Why can't meeting organizer enforce time schedule, especially ending?
It's pretty much normal to stay 1,5 hour on 1 hour meeting.1 -
Companies new policy.
Deadline is looming, we need to work super hard and be super productive so we will set 3 meeting each day to check on how productive you have been in the last 2 hours...1 -
Damn. I am super super nervous. A meeting specially arranged twice so that I can participate and give my feedbacks. It in 2 minutes and I have nothing to say.2
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Turns out I'm terrible at meeting people. Go figure, it's the cliche of being a dev.
I just moved into a pretty nice apartment in a nice area, but I I know literally nobody here aside from coworkers. The only friend I have left that hasn't moved away is in jail for a good while. 😧
The only place I can think to meet people is at a bar/club - which isn't really my thing. Even then, just walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation just seems fucking weird to me.
Anybody have any advice on making new friends in basically a new town?14 -
So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...4 -
Getting real tired of people posting meetings only for you to join when they end. How hard is it to have you meeting at the time you set it for? Holy shit!1
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I have no words to describe the last meeting.
One of the project managers was putting his feet on the desk, chewing his gum with an open mouth, and playing around with his phone.
The people in the room were so tense and looks defensive, which is normal if you have dirty shoes in your direction.
Luckily I'm remote but at least I know that won't like to move to his team at any cost.1 -
We were contracted into this big corporate company about 12km down the highway from us in the most congested part of the city.
We had a 1 hour meeting scheduled for the Wednesday that we had to drive in for, on the day before that we had to drive in for a 1 hour planning meeting for the next days meeting.
We had a 1 hour meeting to plan a 1 hour meeting...1 -
Me: Hey, I looked into the bug, *explain what it was, how I fixed it, when it will be pushed etc.*
Boss: *calls immediately* How are you doing with the bug?
Me: ... I sent you a message?7 -
Worst meeting:
Trying to decide which front end JavaScript framework to use.
Debated about Knockout, Angular, React, etc.
Decision: Too fat frameworks, DIY using jQuery. I wonder how big and unstable is our DIY framework. Is it even a framework? Just few organically written script files.6 -
That feeling when you're the only one of your team sitting at your desk and you cannot shake of that nagging doubt:
Did I miss a meeting?1 -
I just had a meeting in which everyone discussed from starting what we will talk about in next meeting with same people
-
Story time:
I'm late for a meeting. It's between client, coworker and me. It's different from a normal meetings. So I ask my friend something along the lines of "How to connect to a 3 person call."
His reply: "Did you really just ask me how to connect to a 3 way."
I guess there's always time for one of those jokes -_- -
Just came up with something inspired by @librarycomic for use at the very start of every meeting with the customer.
"You have the right to remain silent. Any ridiculous specs or illogical features that you say can and will be laughed at in the back project office room.
Any real questions you ask will be answered to the best of our ability, as long as they don't violate privacy or the law or the internet.
You have the right to be in a hurry or tighten the deadline, but not to expect that it will cost the project any less.
With these rights in mind, let us begin our progress meeting. On to you."
Feel free to fork and contribute! :D -
*1 hr after meeting*
*boss calls*
Boss: how are you doing with the task we talked about on the meeting?
Me: Oh I'm doing that other thing we talked about. I'll finish both in about an hour.
Boss: great!
... then starts going on about their lives. I wanted to be nice to them, so I paid attention to what's going on in their lives while I program menial tasks.
*1 hour later*
Boss: so have you finished? It's been an hour.
I would've finished, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN DISTRACTING ME THE WHOLE TIME8 -
I dream of the day when I can go to work and actually work. I swear this client has a masters in pointless meeting, the other day we had a meeting to 0lan a meeting.3
-
I work on many projects at work. There's divisions of teams and each team typically has one project. Each one of those projects have weekly Sprint meetings.
That's great! For the team. That means each team has one meeting a week so it's not too disruptive for those individuals.
Me on the other hand? I've got my hand in all the buckets. I'm on every team. I'm the only person on every team. This means I get to go to every meeting.
Let me rephrase that:
This means I -have- to go to every. Single. Meeting.
Which means I have a meeting every. Single. Day. Even if I didn't touch that project that week.
It is literally THE biggest waste of time. I sit there in a 1-2 hour long meeting saying absolutely nothing, not even being spoken to. I could be working on other projects.
And these meetings normally interrupt something I'm working on. Conveniently in the middle of me being in my zone. It makes me completely un-motivated to work for the hour before the meeting because why bother if I'm just going to get interrupted? And then it takes an hour to get back into everything after the meeting because everyone is fooling around or complaining about the meeting.
So that's three hours of my 8 hour work day completely wasted.3 -
Apparently people hate meetings and I never really got why but we had a 5 hour long meeting on monday so .. i get it ..2
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The person sitting next to me in scrum is literally eating honey roasted peanuts out of a cereal bowl with a spoon6
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Not sure if a rant but.
How many of you guys gets so bored durning meetings on all the none important stuff or not related to you that you just start codeing instead?
I have these hours long meetings with analist that can talk calculations all dat long, how usefull they are, wich analyses you can do for them. I really don't care. Just tell me the formula and I will make it. Do not care whether A is voltage or the amount of pink clouds on sunday.3 -
Yay! Another meeting to go over a design concept for the next version of our website, awesome this makes meeting 163
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How many boring monotonous corporate meetings, leading to no helpful conclusion or action item, is too many in a day?
Jesus please I just want to work!!!10 -
Too many to name. In general though any meeting that could have been a short email and meetings about planning future meeting.1
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Meetings.
Too many meetings.
"Why do you explain...." 10kv electrical shock.
Explanation so everyone has the same knowledge.
"But CD ES process of LCE..." Water. From the emergency hose. In the face.
For fucks sake, we are using speech in a meeting so stop using motherfucking abbreviations you shit hole.
"We had bugs". Taking an hot iron and shoving it somewhere nice.
Explain - what the fuck are you talking about? What bugs? Tickets? Documentation? Implications of the bugs? Hate. Much hate.
Um. I don't know. Maybe. But if.
Thumb wrenches.
Please, stop wasting time, if it's non important, a " No " doesn't hurt....
Let me show you. (4k Monitor, 10 px font, bright neon colors, IDE looks like LSD trip in bad).
Crucification.
If you present stuff, good - but for christs sake, shove your motherfucking shitty IDE setting in your own arse and turn on presentation mode with neutral colors - bright or dark mode, I don't care, but readable without danger of seizure.
I can't stream my monitor right now because of "bla" "blabla" (some private shit that has ZERO to do with work).
I'll need some oxy if this goes on.2 -
The worst of Agile and Sc(r)um: All those people knowing the right way(™) to do it. Endless discussion about useless tooling: the proper use of the custom workflow in Jira, on when and how to create sub tickets. The hour-less meta-discussions on what should be discussed where and when (what's subject of the backlog refinement, retro, etc), the roles: the PO's, what he should do, cannot, the PM's. Who is allowed to pull a ticket to the sprint or not. How many reviewers need to acknowledge a pull request. To and fro. Pointless, but fought with heart and blood, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
And everywhere I hear: "In my previous company, we did Scrum like.. and it worked perfectly!"
Some of you might remember my rants on Mr. Gitmaster, with whom I thought I'd made my peace. Guess what? He's now a team member and turning into Mr. Agile - a more severe reincarnation! As our company starts flogging that dead horse of Agility, he seems to feel strong tailwind. Our team lead would constantly cut his monologues, but he's now on holiday, so we have no escape from the never ending: "In my previous company..."
If it was so great, why didn't you stay?
We are not allowed to pull a ticket to the sprint unless every team member is notified? I don't fucking care. If our software fails on customer's machines and I can fix it, I will do if there is a ticket, if it's in the sprint or not. Screw Scrum, if it is getting in the way of it. You can waste your hours discussing horseshit, I want to sit at my desk, deep in the test-compile loop and ship some fucking code.3 -
boss. "I have a one o'clock meeting" Project Manager "uuuuuh, it's after one" boss: "it's an asynchronous meeting"
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Tales From "PM vs Chen"
PM: *Walks up to Chen's cube*
Chen(that's me): *Taking off headphones* "Are we about to have another meeting about the meeting we just had?"
PM: "Yes"
Chen: "Okay. Just checking." *Waits for PM to share his thought*
PM: We're almost done.
Chen: "Yes" *Waits again for PM to share his thoughts*
PM: *While walking away* "Making Progress"2 -
MEETINGS
Daily stand up
Weekly status
Fortnightly update
Monthly planning
Life would be so much simpler without meetings. Just chat, why fuss over "meeting"?
As it is most of the things don't go as per what's planned in the monthly planning meeting.
Neither is there much of an update in the fortnightly update meeting. Only update is what we planned, isn't the right direction.
This will obviously screw up the weekly status. Screwed up planning is dishevelled implementation.
Daily stand up is just very sleep deprived developers, who don't wanna talk.
Make it my time's worth; say no more meetings. -
Working on a very large project that has been going on for 6 months and will run for 18 more.
The day before our bimonthly meeting with the client the PM decides to walk out and quit without telling anyone. Now we're left to try and figure out what he was doing, as most of it was poorly documented it's gona be a pain.1 -
Wasting time of 20+ developers to deliver a 'how to use a bug reporting system', coz:
- you've only 2 newembers in team, and
- just to have a bi-weekly meeting.
Is not productive, motivating and wise by any means.
Combined $$$/hr amount here is quite an important metric.2 -
Who knows Fosdem ? It is the biggest european meeting about open-source, it is in Belgium and it is free. Who wants to come ? Http://fosdem.org3
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Been invited to a bi-weekly meeting about a project that I'm not even working on yet.
I think I'll just go and cut my own brake cables then drive home. -
Client A: “What does that little button do? It looks so not fit in though. Can we just remove it?”
Me: “It basically serves as a sort function and to make those data look more tidy when you first input them. Especially when it comes from many sources, it .....blah blah blah.... So it's quite inportant to stay there according to UX basic.”
Client A: “??????????”
Me whispering: “Jon Snow.....”
Client A: “Sorry, what?”
Me : “Noooothing~ let’s talk about the other module shall we?”
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The meetings for SEO.
The SEO guy is really, really nice. He's patient, comprehensive, he's quite good looking and everything, but my boss is a total moron when speaking about internet stuff. He makes us repeat everything at least three times, he will note everything on a sheet of paper that he will lose and write again... these reunion last 2 hours and we have one twice a month. Uuuugh... -
when a product manager decides to have a product review meeting from 4:30PM to 6:00PM when everyone plans to leave early.1
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!rant
Went to a dev group meet up today. I can honestly say devs are the best kind of people around!
Any FCC people around?2 -
There is a new rule in my company starting from Monday.
08:00AM (Monday Only) - Company Meeting
09:00 AM (Daily) - Department Standup Meeting
09:30 AM (Daily) - Send Email to GM and PM about your ToDo's for Today.
If you are not able to finish your ToDo for that day then we need to explain to the GM question WHY12 -
So we (group of 3) were out to a tech guy who was out sourcing some project. During the meeting we mentioned VCS, upon hearing this the guy was like "this is used by big companies". we left the meeting then and there.
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What's the longest code review meeting you've ever had? We're about 3 hours into this code review so far, and it doesn't sound like we're going to be done anytime soon3
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When you bullsh*t stuff the whole meeting, then they setup a meeting tomorrow to continue where you left off today
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Monday morning meetings:
- Reminding designers what the app looks like to then discuss a defect.
- Reminding everyone else where the online meeting link is, despite the fact we have used it everyday, for the past 7 weeks. -
Listening to @addlinny and @cascross123 dealing with our apple developer account, I probably need popcorn for this!3
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Every unholy, directly sent from hell, refinement-planning i ever had since dealing with scrum.
Refinement: Good
Plannings: Fine
But the juxtaposition of both kind of meetings...
... destroys nerves
... desintegrate teams
... destroys lifes
*shivers* -
Our client has put me and some others through at least 10 hours of passive lectures on non-development server management, nothing hands-on included. I realized today that I may be responsible for replicating some of the management processes (while supervised), and I think I start tomorrow. I didn't take notes on any of these meetings because the level of detail was overwhelming. I suck at communicating on time--can I still tell my PM I have about 5% memory retention on these lectures or did I royally screw up?
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Creating a meeting on the same day it shall take place and inviting everyone an hour before it is starting does not good planning make.1
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Just done with the second meeting of the day with the same client. The client decided to arrange another on Monday :-/6
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In summary, we're all agreed that we should have a meeting next week, to discuss what we should talk about in the meeting the week after.
AHHHHH! -
Being in a meeting my colleagues "caused" by not meeting an impossible deadline for a project I wasn't assigned to...
I just sat there not being able to say anything because I didn't know what the hell was going on.... -
Last week I had a meeting to get us all on the same page for today's prep meeting... Tomorrow we have the actual meeting to be followed two hours later by the meeting review meeting... Culminating in decisions that drive the direction of a set of upcoming meetings... Which will all have prep meetings and some have further review meetings...
I'm so excited...2 -
So I was reading Scrum for my exam all I can see was Meeting.
Product backlog meeting for 15 mins;
Enters to the office 5 mins meeting;
Sprint review meeting for 10mins;
Daily scrum 2 times meetings;
Sprint planning 3 hours of meeting;
Starting the next Sprint 30mins meetings;
Managing releases 45 min meeting;
Sprint Retrospective 45 mins of meeting;
Wtf? Do they do any work there?4 -
15 mins in our weekly dev meeting, boss comes in sits down and starts talking about a project. After that he stands up and brings one of the designer in and begins to make some stuff up we could add. Are you kidding me? That is a dev meeting, he is not even supposed to be there. How rude disturbing a meeting so he can discuss stuff we could discuss later-.-1
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Kind of had my first SCRUM-meeting couple hours ago. I'm a student and have a internship at a company. It felt so dull since me and my two team-members stood there and listened to three others talking about their project that we have nothing to do with. Then we got to say what we made yesterday and so on. Hopefully this is all in educational purpose?1
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When you come to work at 6am (2h before other employees) to solve problem that was blocking everybody in the team and before you finish boss takes you to the meeting that newer ends and is just a waste of time. Ten hours work day, paid for eight and job not done. I hate days like this one.
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I'm in a GoToMeeting with a client right now and her baby is screaming into the microphone. Boy, I sure do love working with clients.1
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Is it me only having to deal with horrible meeting product?
Arch Linux as my base OS, justifies my all-time updated system, NPAPI being deprecated in Firefox, Chrome and have to use Cisco WebEx every Saturdays and Sundays.
Just hate having to return to Windows to make WebEx chrome extension work for the meeting to be possible, and then a CentOS VM running for all the demonstration, explanation and teaching...
Although, IcedTea in Linux makes it possible but oh well it WebEx is still a horrible headache.1 -
Tfw you tell the guy in charge you can't make it for the meeting that evening, and he says there is no meeting, but you're too tired to tell if he's joking or not. Fml
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Stand-up meeting at 9:00 AM in the boardroom. It's called stand-up meeting but everyone will be sitting lolz...
I hate this Monday meetings, too many stupid talk. PM mostly doesn't have any clue about the project. I bet she didn't update the client last Friday. -
Write email with meeting topics before meeting.
Send summary email to all attendees after meeting.1 -
!= rant
All devs Rise and show your creative prowess!
@ https://tadhack.com/2017/global/
Its a fun hackington where i have been before a few times, run only by volunteers.
I tink some people on devrant here also would be interested in this event.
i am also going and hope te see more devranters there! ID't by there laptop stickers!1 -
I've been to a meeting where I asked a question and the reply I got was not remotely related to the question.
He asked me ' Does my answer makes sense?'
I said yeah.
Inner me: I am so tired and I can't repeat the question once again. Aren't you even listening?.1 -
Meeting just after given a vacation to the whole company. We had 1 week of no work. Everyone of us including the boss went on a vacation together. He sets up a meeting the very next day at 8:00 fucking AM . Sent at 10 PM. Like nigga . Let me reset and prepare my mind ffs. That was a ridiculous meeting recently just for the sheer fuck of it.1
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Just had the best meeting since I started here. The DBAs couldn't attend so we decided to postpone the meeting for two weeks. After that we started talking about beer and now I have 5 names of different beers that I want to try :-)
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Am just wondering, Why is the boss always guilty in the meeting of the subordinates and the subordinate always guilty in the meeting of the bosses1
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When someone cancels your meeting and schedules their meeting ontop of it because they wanted the fucking room... and then comes in half way through your meeting and says they have the room booked.
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Apart from waste of time, meetings are also an acknowledgement of preferring collective stupidity over individual stupidity.
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Old but gold. The Expert sketch A.K.A. how it feels to be a developer during a project meeting. https://youtube.com/watch/...
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Yesterday 2 hours meeting about how to keep functional a Delphi6 software with a 2.5 firebird.
Today the HEAD of our WORLD tell us he is going to buy a new software and trash the Delphi6 one...
So why did you organized the meeting HEAD?3 -
!rant
Just started a new internal project today. The best thing? The meeting I just got out of, in which we were discussing the details, was with someone with technical knowledge and experience, and who had realistic expectations. Never have I been so happy after a meeting! :D -
You realize you reached the top of your career when you are on top management meeting discussing actual freaking bikeshed! It's not an urban story! Those meeting actually happen! And actually few months later we got a real bikeshed on our parking lot!
Only downside was that there was almost no bikesheding on the bikeshed meeting :-/ -
Client wants an update, set meeting at 9 o'clock. My client's tinezone is 3 hours ahead, so i have to join the meeting at 6. 😬
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ghub piece of shit
damn fucking shitty software. It happened to me in the past(like thrice times) that my mouse got randomly locked at the highest dpi until I uninstalled and reinstalled ghub... well it improved with the time and lately I haven't had that issue anymore, but hey today just for my daily stand up the mic decided to stop working out of the blue(headset is logitech too)... then fuck it didn't have time to troubleshoot that, made my way around using camera mic 🤪
Soon after I finished my meeting, decided to check on ghub to see if the software didn't detect the headset or whatnot... as soon as I tried to open it "ghub is updating", because of course, it can't tell you in any way that you should update it or your devices would not work until you open the goddamned software4
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Legacy code hell...