Lost two machines with 10years+ of my work and files to the police after a raid some years ago...

They were used in a "crime" cuz I was chatting with my hemp supplier on one of the machines...no chance to get them back...

Oh man, I miss my data...

!dev

If you live in a major city and to stand still or walk slow on the left side of escalators/stairs then fuck you.

You wander around in complete ignorance of the countless last second train misses you cause.

Fuck you, go back to you slow town in the sticks!

This is my Research Purpose VM, It had been lying around unused for too long.
P.S. I know my specs suck actually

The worst rejection in my case is being qualified for the jobs I get offers for, but not being able to work full time 'cuz college'

Happy ~1514786401 seconds!!!

"Coding is solving puzzles".

I think everyone has heard that platitude. But it's not exactly right.

So I grew up in a very poor environment, a moldy building full of jobless addicts.

And in my town there was this shop where super poor parents could take their kids to borrow free toys and stuff.

So as a kid I remember being frustrated by these second hand jigsaw puzzles, because there were always a few pieces which had been teared up or chewed on, or were even completely missing.

That is what development is.

You pull in this seemingly awesome composer package, and that one super useful method is declared private, so you need to fork the whole thing.

Your coworker has built this great microservice in python, but instead of returning 404 not found, it returns 200 with json key/value saying "error": "not found".

There's a shitload of nicely designed templates for the company website, but half of them have container divs inside the components, the other half expect to be wrapped in container divs when included.

You're solving puzzles, but your peers are all brainless jigsaw-piece-chewers. They tried to mend a problem, but half way through got distracted, hungry and angry, started drooling over the task and used a hammer to fit in the remaining stuff.

I Just found Easter egg .Answer is more interesting .😂
https://unix.stackexchange.com/ques...

After work I wanted to come home and work on a project. I have a few ideas for a few things I want to do, so I started a Trello board with the ideas to start mapping things out. But there were guys redoing the kitchen tile and it was noisy as fuck. So I packed up and headed to the library.

So I get all set up, and start plugging away. Currently working on a database design for a project that is a form for some user data collection for my dad, for an internal company thing. I am not contracted for this - I just know the details so I am using it as a learning exercise. Anyway...

I'm fucking about in a VM in MySQL and I feel someone behind me. So I turn and it's this girl looking over my shoulder. She asks what I am doing, and it turned into a 2 hour conversation. She is only a few years older than me (21) but she was brilliant. She (unintentionally) made me feel SO stupid with her scope of knowledge and giant brain. I learned quite a bit from talking to her and she offered to help me further, if I liked.

And she was really cute. We exchanged phone numbers...

!rant

Does someone here play Screeps? It's a very interesting MMO game in which you program Creeps do to things like building your base or defending it. The only gameplay is programming.

https://screeps.com

And thats me: https://screeps.com/a/...

Well the screen resolutions are a little messed up and I had to crop the wallpaper in an odd way. But it's something.

HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate- I was in Yale.

HR - Oh wow that's great! You're hired!

Candidate - Yay! I got a yob!

Back in the day when I was a junior developer, I somehow got hired by this guy who asked me to code his entire platform from scratch. I was being paid a junior dev salary, being asked to do senior dev work, and unfortunately I needed the money, so I didn't want to turn the job down. So I did what any junior dev would do in the situation... I decided to experiment and ended up with an insanely inefficient codebase.

For some stupid reason I thought that a good DB model would be to pull one record from the DB at a time, and then just repeat the method in a loop as needed. Keep in mind I was a self-taught junior dev. The backend worked great during development, and after 3 months of developing we decided to add a lot of data in the DB for further testing, and... you guessed it... the platform slowed down like shit!

Moral of the story... u get what you pay for, so hire great talent and pay them well! And also that self-taught junior devs don't know that the f@*k they are doing sometimes.

Manager in 1-1: You tell people they are stupid too often.... Dial it back a bit

Me: They are.

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

People will always ask us to fix their computer :/

Had a meeting with IT-director of our client.

Me: Yes, with our solution you will be sure that the details of all your 17.500 employees will be stored and accessible for all required third party systems. We will have a 6 month preliminary schedule and it will cost..

Random: Excuse me!

Random employee interrupts and has actually stepped into the meeting room.

Random: Can you take a look at my computer? Something is wrong.

IT-director: Is there noone else who can look at this?

Random: But it was working a minute ago. It probably will be a quick fix?

IT-director looks at me like "what even is this?"

IT-director: Go down to the 12th and talk to IT there, we're having a meeting here.

Random: I thought you guys who are so good with computers could fix this in a jiffy!

Me: Burning inside

IT-director: Just leave us, please.

Random leaves.
IT-director looks at me and I look knowingly back. We are both sad for a moment. Then we continue.

God: you qualify for reincarnation. What advice from past life do you want me to retain in your memory ?
Me: never forget to write those unit tests!

Ah yes, I'd be happy to completely change the thing I'm working on, that is now unrelated to how you originally described the task to me.

Could it be that devs using spaces over tabs actually send secret messages in morse code to each other while indenting?

‎The mediocre internship starter pack

The Micromanagement God. The guy would come to the office 64 times a day, go behind my desk, stare at the monitors for a while and ask what am I working on.

He would sometimes ask for explanation of how something works because he never saw it before and then give me advice on how to use that thing he never saw before.

Professor at Uni: "Missing a semicolon on yozr final exam could be a reason to fail that exam. Coding on paper is much better because that is what you will be doing on the job. "

Hate those written Java exams on paper.

🔥 🔥 Release day! 🔥 🔥

devRantron has reached v1.0.0 today! Here is what you can do with devRantron:

1. @mention someone when posting comments
2. Filters rants with keywords
3. Add emoji when posting rants and comments
4. Get notifications
5. Browse rants, collabs and stories
6. Browser user profiles
7. Post rants
8. Create custom columns of your own choice

Thank you so much to all the contributors, especially @Dacexi for designing the app and @sirwindfield for setting up our build infrastructure.

We plan to add more features in future. For example, searching rants, edit/delete rants or comments and most importantly, themes. Right now it has a dark theme by default.

Thank you to the users to opened issues on GitHub during development. Your feedback has helped a lot.

Whenever you find a bug or want a new feature, please open a new issue on GitHub and we will look into it.

Contributors are always welcome. I am still working on writing a article about the structure of the application, I will let you guys know when that is done. It will be easier for you to contribute when you have a bigger picture.

Relevant collab: https://devrant.io/collabs/420025/

Manager: Make the page look like Apples.

Me: What is it you like about their page?

Manager: I don't know, it just makes me feel good.

I committed a bug fix that was about 4 lines changed but a full day of critical thinking.
The next day my boss tells me, that I clearly wasted company time and that I should be producing at least 200 lines of code a day. When will people learn that lines of code is not an accurate measurement of work accomplished?

So, there was some project going around universities for online lab and connecting students to learn together. My school saw it as opportunity and I was appointed to make a simple web app doing just that.

T - teacher

First there was the database.
T1: "I think that you can design the tables better"
Me: "This is the most logical way, but sure, I can modify it. Although, T2 told me to do it this way."
T1: "Just do what I said"

And I did.

T2: "Why did you change the design, I gave you the schema, didn't I?"

Oh I was so fucking pissed. I'm skipping classes so I can work on this fucking piece of shit and this is what I get. Two self fucking centered idiots.

I resolved situation somehow, then came the frontend. I was told that the T3 will do it I just have to connect it to my backend, great.

So this so called "Teacher of Web design and development" downloaded fucking bloated bootstrap template with scripts longer than my future. It took 2 minutes to just load the html page from local drive.

I told T2 that I will make design it from scratch and I will try to make it look the same. I finished it somehow. Loaded in seconds, worked superb. First thing T1 told me: "Just roll back the design"
He didn't even listen to what I had to say.

Ohh boii, I fucking lost two months on your piece of shit garbage app, and what I have from it? Fucking bag of dicks. The thing is that I have another year with those pricks.
If this is what the industry is like, you guys deserve a medal.

One manager I had kept asking for pointless redundant data being captured and added to the UI.

For example there was a date completed already.

"You need to add a check box to show that it's completed."

"Can't you just look to see if it has a completed date?"

"No, I want both."

Ended up with an app with over complicated UI and inconsistent reports.

Prick.

A pm once told me that the whole point of managing someone was to give them the stuff you don't want to do.

From that project I learned that he didn't like to take responsibility for his own fuck ups.

Worst exp. with manager/higher-up?

Too many to pick the worst, but here are a few:

Manager demoted me because he believed I would be a roadblock to his wet dream of re-writing all the business services in WCF
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Manager spent years and wasted countless man hours retiring a single ASP.Net web service by converting the individual supporting assemblies into specific WCF services..
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Manager once berated me for 'missing' time log entries
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Manager scolded me for not fixing a 'bug' while praised another developer who re-wrote a reporting application due to a fixable hardware problem and deleting the source code files from source control.
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Manager wanted to rewrite all our code in XML.
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Manager wanted integration with a new phone system knowing the hardware+software did not exist yet ..
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Manager wanted me to 'take the lead' to speed up a web site in a foreign country we didn't control.
https://youtube.com/watch/...

So I put a very strict eslint configuration to a 6 month old project
..
..
..
..
924 errors in 27 files
..
..
..
..
..
I removed eslint from the project

Dear people who complain about spending a whole night to find a tiny syntax error; Every time I read one of your rants, I feel like a part of me dies.

As a developer, your job is to create elegant optimized rivers of data, to puzzle with interesting algorithmic problems, to craft beautiful mappings from user input to computer storage and back.

You should strive to write code like a Michelangelo, not like a house painter.

You're arguing about indentation or getting annoyed by a project with braces on the same line as the method name. You're struggling with semicolons, misplaced braces or wrongly spelled keywords.

You're bitching about the medium of your paint, about the hardness of the marble -- when you should be lamenting the absence of your muse or the struggle to capture the essence of elegance in your work.

In other words:

Fix your fucking mindset, and fix your fucking tools. Don't fucking rant about your tabs and spaces. Stop fucking screaming how your bloated swiss-army-knife text editor is soooo much better than a purpose-built IDE, if it fails to draw something red and obnoxious around your fuck ups.

Thanks.