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Assembly: He’s the nerd. He speaks very quickly and uses short sentences. Very few people talk to him. He’s considered to be an autist asperger by a majority of the class because he finishes the exams so quickly it’s insane and he faces a lot of difficulties in speaking with others. He’s at school but already dressed like an engineer.
Ada: She’s a foureyes nerd. When she gets the answer she’s doesn’t make any mistake. Ada often corrects the teacher when she writes a line a little ambiguous. She’s building a rocketship in her backyard and she’s always speaking about this weird hobby.
Python: He’s Mr Popular. He likes skate, brags about all the parties he’s invited to. He’s good in all the subjects taught in class but he’ll do them a bit slower than the others. Everyone loves him because he explainsthings so well, sometimes the teacher herself asks Python to explain some part of the course. He’s dressed with a hoodie, a baggy and glasses on the top of the head ;)
Java: She is one of the toppers of the class and very popular. She’s very good in all the topics. The teacher loves her but she’s a very talkative person.
Scala/Kotlin: They are twin sisters and the best friends of Java. Unfortunately, they are not as popular and it’s often Java who takes the lead in the group. It’s very difficult to distinguish one from another. Both are far less talkative than Java but Scala speaks a bit differently than Kotlin and Java.
C: He’s the topper of the class. He’s so fast in completing the exams that the teacher really thinks he’s copying Assembly’s work. He has a little brother C++ and they share a lot in common together. He’s the chess major and often plays chess with Assembly and his big brother.
Go: He’s the new kid on the bloc. He doesn’t like C++ and his friends and he wants to prove he can do better than them. Of course, he prefers playing Go over Chess.
APL: He’s a lonely guy. No one understands him when he speaks. Even the teacher is surprised when APL shows a correct answer after several lines of incomprehensible pictograms. People think that he was born in a foreign country… or a foreign planet ?
HTML/CSS: These twin brothers are very different. One is dressed in black and white and the other is dressed with everything except black and white. HTML is very talkative and annoying and the CSS is very artistic. CSS is the best student in Art lessons and HTML performs well in written expression.
LaTeX: She’s friend of HTML. The teacher likes her because she has a gift of writing. LaTeX likes the mathematical courses because she can draw fancy greek letters. The teacher knows this well and she is often asked to write a formula on the black board.
VBA: He’s in the back, looking through the windows. Not really interested in the courses taught in class. In the exams, he answers always with a table.
C#: He’s in the back playing yet another game on his smartphone. He likes being next to the windows also.
Haskell: He’s a goth. Dressed up in dark. Doesn’t talk to anyone. He doesn’t understand why others write pages when he can write a couple of lines to answer the same question.
Julia: She’s the newest student here. She doesn’t have any friends yet but her secret aim is to be as popular as Python and as fast as C.
Credit: Thomas jalabert5
I had an intern in for VBA programming on day one they realized that they were in need of an android dev, so the boss came to me and asked if I had any experience with android. I replied with yes a little, I had begun multiple projects but never finished only one of them. After 4 weeks of developing I presented my progress a pretty ugly but working app, after the meeting the boss told me that a other team of devs were building the same app but didn't made any progress in 1.5 years.
Ps: sry 4 my English.4
I HATE working with MS Office products. Yes, Access, I'm looking at you, you backwards, whanabe database reject! You're invalid as a serious SQL database and retarded as an data application suite.
VBA, make up your MIND with your damn function calls! Either require me to use parenthesis or don't! I'm sick of this conditional parenthesis sh*t!
While we're talking about not making up your mind... screw 'sub', you half wit language! Either use functions like a real language or go the f&$k home and make room for a language that knows what it's doing!
Oh!!! WHY... WHY! do you have null AND... NOTHING?! Who... Who... WHO invented "nothing"?! And what sick joke are you playing at with isnull() and empty()??? How many damn ways so you need to test for "no value"?!?!
Access... That's right, I'm not done with you yet... How is it you've survived this damn long in the business world with all of the databases you corrupt? Sure, you suck as a real database, but at least have some freaking pride that people even USE you! How DARE your corrupt yourself with the regularity you seem to have! I wish my bowel movements were as regular as your database corruptions, for the love of humanity.
F$@k you, VBA! F@&k you, Access! F$#k you, MS Office! And Fuuuuuu$k YOU Microsoft for shoving these half assed reject tools down my throat!
I hope your cloud uses Access as a back end and gets some injection virus.
*Takes deep breath* need to say that.10
VBA is not the language of choice for many of you. But in a big non-software company, Excel is tool numero uno, and VBA saves so much time. Almost nobody bothers to learn it, which drives me nuts already, but those who learn it, suck.
Wrote a beautiful VBA script with SQL inside to fill in excelsheets automatically.
Why the living fucks would someone go in the code and alter it? Why do you ignorant idiot with almost no excel and vba knowledge alter the range of the for loop and delete a few lines.
After that completely knocked out the file, I got a call for help. "¡Your code broke!"
These useless morons.17
It was my last day as a network administrator at a major US telecom company. I was in charge of anti-virus for the corporate HQ on top of being a Lotus Notes admin and was working on a migration to Outlook for my supported departments.
Then, we got hit with the Melissa email virus around 10am.
The folks I worked with were some of the sharpest I've ever known. They got into the VBA code for the virus (easy) and figured out what it was doing (also easy). When Symantec gave us a virus definition, several hours later, one colleague changed the comment code in the VBA and the A/V failed to pick it up. I spent hours on the phone with Symantec support with them denying they were using file signatures to detect the virus. They eventually admitted they were but didn't have a better solution.
We took the mail servers offline, cleaned the message stores, manually disinfected countless workstations using USB sticks and met with the CIO's assistants several times.
Around 6pm the man responsible for my leaving the company took me aside and sort of apologized for being an ass to me. He said he didn't realize how committed I was to the job. I shook his hand, thanked him and watched him go home.
I went home around 11:30pm and came in the next morning, a Saturday, to complete the migration of Lotus users before I turned in my badge.
Hello everyone, this is my first time here so hi! I want to tell you all a story about my current situation.
At 18 while in the military I was able to get my first computer, it was a small hp pavilion laptop with windows 7. The system would crash constantly, even though I would only use it for googling stuff and using fb to talk to people. 5 months after I got it and continuously hated it decided to find out why and who could I blame (other than myself) for the system making me do the ctrl alt del dance all the time....
Found out that there are people called computer programmers that made software. Decided to give it a go since I had some free time most days. Started out with c++ because it was being recommended in some websites. Had many "oh deeeeer lord" moments. After not getting much traction I decided to move to Java which seemed like an easier step than C++. Had fun, but after some verbosity I decided to move into more dynamic lands. Tried JS and since at the time there was no Node and I was not very into the idea of building websites I decided to move into Python, Ruby, PHP and Perl and had a really great time using and learning all of them. I decided to get good in theoretical aspects of computer programming and since I had a knack for math I decided to get started with basic computer science concepts.
I absolutely frigging loved it. And not only that, but learning new things became an obsession, the kind that would make me go to bed at 02:40 am just to wake up at 04:00 or 06:00 because the military is like that. I really wanted to absorb as much as I could since I wanted to go to college for it and wanted to be prepared since I did not wanted to be a complete newb. Took Harvard CS50, Standford Programming 101 with Java, Rice's Python course and MIT's Python programming class. I had so much fun I don't regret it one bit.
By the time I got to college I had already made the jump to Linux and was an adept Arch user, Its not that it was superior or anything, but it really forced me to learn about Linux and working around a terminal and the internals of the system to get what I want. Now a days I settle for Fedora or Debian based systems since they are easier and time is money.
Uni was a breeze, math was fun and the programming classes seemed like glorified "Hello World" courses. I had fun, but not that much fun, most of my time was spent getting better at actual coding. I am no genius, nor my grades were super amazing(I did graduate with honors though) but I had fun, which never really happened in school before that.
While in school I took my first programming gig! It was in ASP.NET MVC, we were using C#, I got the job through a customer that I met at work, I was working in retail during the time and absolutely hated it. I remember being so excited with the gig, I got to meet other developers! Where I am from there aren't that many and most of them are very specialized, so they only get concerned with certain aspects of coding (e.g VBA developers.....) and that is until I met the lead dev. He was by far one of the biggest assholes I had ever met in my life. Absolutely nothing that I would do or say made hem not be a dick. My code was steady, but I would find bugs of incomplete stuff that he would do, whenever I would fix it he would belittle me and constantly remind me of my position as a "junior dev" in the company saying things as "if you have an issue with my code or standards tell me, but do not touch the code" which was funny considering that I would not be able to advance without those fixes. I quit not even 3 months latter because I could not stand the dick, neither 2 of the other developers since the immediately resigned after they got their own courage.
A year latter I was able to find myself another gig. I was hesitant for a moment since it was another remote position in which I had already had a crappy experience. Boy this one was bad. To be fair, this was on me since I had to get good with Lumen after only having some exposure to Laravel. Which I did mentioned repeatedly even though he did offer to train me in order to help him. Same thing, after a couple of weeks of being told how much I did not know I decided to get out.
That is 2 strikes.
So I waited a little while and took a position inside another company that was using vanilla PHP to build their services. Their system was solid though, the lead engineer remains a friend and I did learn a lot from him. I got contracted because they were looking for a Java developer. The salary was good. But when I got there they mentioned that they wanted a developer in Java...to build Android. At the time I was using Java with Spring so I though "well how hard can this be! I already use Android so the love for the system is there, lets do this!" And it was an intense, fun and really amazing experience.
-- To be continued.10
I am a tester by profession, But I love coding. Sadly my organisation doesn't allow people of my profile to install IDE/ Programming softwares... So I had to work with what I had... VBA, MS Office...
I started to work on few small Ideas, then I and a friend worked on a macro which automates a 5 year old manual process... It became a Hit ! It changed the whole process... My manager started to highlight it everywhere... Other manager started to come to us for helps....
So I learnt MS Excel Vba, then MS Access vba... started to become an expert...
Now the whole onshore and offshore management knows us by name....
Now I made a virtual bot for my manager....
That small project paved the whole way of my programming passion...5
Job listing: "We work with the VBA language which is an addition to the classic Visual Basic language..."
No. VBA is not an addition to VB. It's his retarded brother5
My internship so far :
-A company proprietary framework that I won't ever use again
It kinda fails my technical expectations. But what's great is that everyone there is very nice and relaxed, Nerf gun fights at 4pm and playing cards after lunch :D3
After a long time just reading your posts, here's my first post:
Just for clarification: I'm studying electrical engineering in Germany. During your time at university, you have to work half a year as a intern to get some practical experience. So I'm in a position where I mainly have to say "yes" to work that is given to me. Also I'm working with a lot of PLC programmers, so I'm nearly the only one who programs non-PLC stuff at the department.
But now it's time for my rant (and also my most satisfying optimization ever). In the job interview for the internship, my task at the company was described as C# programmer. I only programmed C and Python before, but C# looked interesting and so I learned C# from ground up in the summer before the internship. I quite liked it and I was really happy on my first day of work. Then I was greeted with this message: "I know you are hired as C# programmer, but could you please look into this VBA program, it takes 55 seconds until it finishes its task and that's to slow". So I (midly angry because I had to do VBA and not C#) started the program and it was really horribly slow (it just created a table with certain contents from a very big imported symbol file). I then opened up the source code and immideately saw bad code. The guy who wrote it basically just clicked on the macro recording button and used the recorded mouse clicks in the source code. The code was like: Click on cell A1 -> copy cell A1 -> move to sheet XY -> click on cell A2 -> paste copied stuff and so on... I never 'programmed' in VBA before, so I used my knowledge of 'real' programming languages to do this task. After using some arrays and for-loops, which did not iterate over all the 1.000.000 unused cells after the last used one, the program took only 3 seconds after it finished the new table! Everybody was quite impressed, which led to much more VBA optimization... That was clearly not my goal haha :)9
"I keep telling you, I'm not a pilot"
"and I keep telling you, you fly boys crack me up!"
I'm not a developer, but I'm doing some complex things and I need the benefit of computers to work things out, so I know enough programming to get me by. Recently one of the uppers decided that all the amateur spaghetti python programs I'd quickly slapped together should be developed into tools that the clients engineers can use!
"How long do you need!."
" I have no idea how to make something like that",
"but it's all just maths right! you can figure it out",
"probably, given long enough bu.. "
"okay get started and we'll check in in a couple of weeks" "hold o.." "I'll give your pride and joy to the graduate to fuck up while you're working on that" "wai.. " "anyway got take this call, good luck"
So here I am.. I have no idea what I'm doing.
So since I have a working knowledge of python, fortran and VBA, someone suggested I learn nim, which was not what he sold it as. Then a software engineer that went to the same uni as me, suggested RUST! you can't mess up rust, and look at this I created (shows me a decent looking desktop application) "I'll help you out". But it wasn't really that easy.
Then I asked some questions... that was my first mistake, that's not acceptable until you know what you're doing apparently. Especially when the answers are in the docs you can't find in a topic you don't understand for a version you're not using solved with a tool you've never heard of for an operating system you forgot existed. Look at this moron asking a question.
Okay to be fair, I went through the rust docs and it was well written, and I do really like this language. But I do not have a degree in computer science, and so many docs for crates are just written with an expectation of a certain level of knowledge. As soon as there's a build error, it's at least 3 -4 days of me faffing about trying to decipher hieroglyphics.
..and the graduate is about to unwittingly commit manslaughter..
I'm sure whoever needs to fix this mess in the future will post a rant about this train wreck.6
Tl;Dr - It started as an escape, carried on as fun, then as a way to be lazy, and finally as a way of life. Coding has defined and shaped my entire life from the age of nine.
When I was nine I was playing a game on my ZX spectrum and accidentally knocked the keyboard as I reached over to adjust my TV. Incredibly parts of it actually made a little sense to me and got my curiosity. I spent hours reading through that code, afraid to turn the Spectrum off in case I couldn't get back to it. Weeks later I got hold of a book of example code to copy out to do various things like making patterns on the screen. I was amazed by it. You told it what to do, and it did it! (don't you miss the days when coding worked like that?) I was bitten by the coding bug (excuse the pun) and I'd got it bad! I spent many late nights on that thing, escaping from a difficult home life. People (especially adults) were confusing, and in my experience unpredictable. When you did things wrong they shouted at you and threatened to take you away, or ignored you completely. Code never did that. If you did something wrong, it quietly let you know and often told you exactly what was wrong. It wasn't because of shifting expectations or a change of mood or anything like that. It was just clean logic, simple cause and effect.
I get my first computer a year later: an IBM XT that had been discarded by a company and was fitted with a key on the side to turn it on. With the impressive noise it made it really was like starting an engine. Whole most kids would have played with the games, I spent my time playing with batch scripts and writing very simple text adventures. And discovering what "format c:" does. With some abuse and threatened violence I managed to get windows running on it. Windows 2.1 I think it was.
At 12 I got a Gateway 75 running Windows 95. Over the next few years I do covered many amazing games: ROTT, Doom, Hexen, and so on. Aside from the games themselves, I was fascinated by the way computers could be linked together to play together (this was still early days for the Web and computers networked in a home was very unusual). I also got into making levels for Doom, Heretic, and years later Duke Nukem 3D (pretty sure it was heretic; all I remember is the nightmare of trying to write levels entirely by code!). I enjoyed re-scripting some of the weapons and monsters to behave differently. About this time I also got into HTML (I still call this coding, but not programming), C, and java. I had trouble with C as none of the examples and tutorial code seemed to run properly under a Windows environment. Similar for my very short stint with assembly. At some point I got a TI-83 programmable calculator and started rewriting my old batch script games on it, including one "Gangster Lord" game that had the same mechanics as a lot of the Facebook games that appeared later (do things, earn money, spend money to buy stuff to do more things). Worried about upcoming exams, I also made a number of maths helper apps, including a quadratic equation solver that gave the steps, and a fake calculator reset to smuggle them into my exams. When the day came I panicked and did a proper reset for fear of being caught.
At 18 I was convinced I was going to be a professional coder as I started a degree in Computer Science. Three months later I dropped out after a bunch of lectures teaching what input and output devices were and realising we were only going to be taught Java and no C++. I started a job on the call centre of a big company, but was frustrated with many of the boring and repetitive tasks we had to do. So I put my previous knowledge to use, and quickly learned VBA to automate tasks. It wasn't long before I ended up promoted to Business Analyst where I worked on a great team building small systems in Office, SAS, and a few other tools.
I decided to retrain in psychology, so left the job I was in and started another degree. During my work and placements my skills came in use a number of times to simplify and automate tasks. I finished my degree, then took a job as a teaching assistant while I worked out what I wanted to do next and how to pay for it. Three years later I've ended up IT technican at the school, responsible for the website, teaching a number of Computing lessons each week, and unofficial co-coordinator for Computing as a subject. I also run a team of ten year old Digital Leaders who I am training in online safety and as technical experts; I am hoping to inspire them to a future in coding. In September I'll be starting teacher training with a view to becoming a Computing specialist teacher. Oh, and I'm currently doing a course in Android Development in my free time.
And this all started with an accidental knock on the keyboard of a ZX Spectrum.7
Once got 3rd place in a company "code golf". It was open to any language or platform.
I built a functional minesweeper game in Excel with 600 lines of code, complete with color and animation.
Employer: "Welcome to your internship. We need you to code VBA"
Me internally: "Oh. Visual Studio. Ok."
Me internally after 1h of coding VBA in Excel Plugin: "Burn in hell MS"2
Top 5 World’s Most Hated Programming Languages
Which one do you hate most?16
Wow I hate VBA... What a fucking shitty syntax:
For x in y
If x Then
ElseIf y Then
WTF even is this? Wend? WTH! Why can't you just use a End While? For fuck sake I hate this language32
sooooooooo for my current graduate class we were to use the MVC pattern to build an IOS application(they preferred it if we did an IOS application) or if you didn't have an Apple computer: an Android application.
The thing is, they specified to use Java, while in their lectures and demos they made a lot of points for other technologies, hybrid technologies, such as React Cordova, all that shit, they even mentioned React Native and more. But not one single mention of Kotlin. Last time I tried my hand at Android development was way before Kotlin, it was actually my first major development job: Mobile development, for which we used Obj C on the IOS part and well, Java on the Android part.
As some of you might now, I rarely have something bad to say about a tech stack(except for VBA which I despise, but I digress) and I love and use Java at work. But the Android API has always seem unnecessarily complex for my taste, because of that, when I was working as a mobile development I dreaded every single minute in which I had to code for Android, Google had a great way to make people despise Java through their Android API. I am not saying it is shit, I am not saying it is bad, I just-dont-like-it.
Kotlin, proves a superior choice in my humble opinion for Android development, and because the language is for retards, it was fairly easy for me to pick it up in about 2 hours. I was already redesigning some of my largest Spring applications using half the code and implemented about 80% of the application's functionality in less than 3 hours(login, fragment manipulation, permissions, bla bla) and by that time I started to wonder if the app built on Kotlin would be ok. And why not? If they specifically mentioned and demonstrated examples using Swift, then surely Kotlin would be fine no? Between Kotlin and Java it is easy to see that kotlin is more similar to Swift than Java. So I sent an email. Their response: "I am sorry, but we would much rather you stick with the official implementations for Android, which in this case is Java for the development of the application"
I was like 0.o wat? So I replied back sending links and documentation where Google touted Kotlin as the new and preferred way to develop Android applications, not as a second class citizen of the platform, but as THE preferred stack. Same response.
Eventually one of the instructors reflected long enough on it to say that it was fine if I developed the application in Kotlin, but they advised me that since they already had grading criteria for the Java program I had to redo it in Java. It did not took me long really, once I was finished with the Kotlin application I basically rewrote only a couple of things into Java.
The end result? I think that for Android I still greatly prefer Kotlin. Even though I am not the biggest fan of Kotlin for anything else, or as my preferred language in the JVM.
I just.......wish....they would have said something along the lines of: "Nah fam please rewrite that shit for Java since we don't have grading criterias in place for Kotlin, sorry bruh, 10/10 gg tho" instead of them getting into an email battle with me concerning Kotlin being or not being the language to use in Android. It made me feel that they effectively had no clue what they were talking about and as such not really capable of taking care of students on a graduate level program.
Made me feel dirty.12
Powershell should die.
I have a simple bash script I made that allows me to download almost any video from the internet. Works great and took me only a few minutes to make.
The only issue is it bash meaning Windows doesn't run it natively. I am not able to install linux Subsystem or bash, etc on the server.
So I decided to rewrite it in powershell thinking it should be Okay and I have never struggled with so much retardedness in my life. After 40+ tabs in chrome and a massive headache, it finally works.
Microsoft should kill powershell entirely and rethink their scripting language.
Also VBA should have died 10 years ago.16
I wrote a VBA script for a manufacturing plant. It made a quote, ran a nesting program, generated a dwg file, placed tool paths, created the work order and material part count, and finally out put to the cnc machine. It worked great it reduced a 10hr process to about 20min. So they cut my hours to less than 20 a week. I quit on "Bosses Day" to start my own company.2
Worst technology I've ever worked with?
The error riddled, varchar frenzy, disgusting ui, os and architecture dependent pieces of shit, powered by the cherry on top: fucking VBA, that are applications developed with this monstrosity have kept me awake trying to understand why on earth would anyone that is not dying of cancer already would use such thing to try to build anything.
I had to deal with load of Access applications when I first started at my current company. Whats left now are mainly legacy systems, I killed them one by one and whatever's left will suffer the same punishment.
If you develop in Access you're my enemy and I will destroy you.6
My professor once said "You'd be amazed if you'd know what Excel is capable of.". Honestly I've seen some really interesting stuff, yet this amazes me.
So, I've been teaching myself front-end for about 7 months now, and I'm really enjoying it, especially the actual programming aspect of JS. I also just started a new job, nothing to do with development, that I expected to be extremely boring and unfulfilling, as it doesn't fulfill any of my interests, but it'll pay my rent and it has decent benefits. I'll be mostly working with excel.
Now, like I mentioned, I'm really new to the dev world, just a little infant really. I know enough to know that I don't know shit. So, I was surprised to learn today that you can program in excel with VBA. I know the language gets a good bit of hate on here, I did a search before posting, and while I haven't started to learn it just yet (I'm starting tonight) I'm excited about. Firstly, because I'll get to do coding for my job, something I'm interested in, and secondly, because if I can figure out how to automate part of what I do well enough that it's implemented with the rest of the team, then maybe I'll be rewarded, and I'd be able to put professional coding experience on a resume for when I try to find a better job.
I've really enjoyed reading all the rants. They've been entertaining and also educational sometimes.
tl;dr Discovered VBA and was actually excited about it6
You guys converted me.
I "grew up" with Visual Studio (from VS 2005). My programming career started with VBA. (All C#)
Occasionally tried to program android with eclipse... never worked out.
I know java a little bit.
To day I decided (thanks to your rants) to start a VM with ubuntu and explore Linux and start with C.7
I started accidentally. My (first) boss asked me if I knew MS Access. I bluff and said yes, of course.
Then one time I needed a somewhat more advanced macro and started with VBA. My addiction began to grow.
After that I discovered VB.NET
Began programming with AutoCAD. Switched to C#.
Did some HTML CSS JS on the way.
No I'm a C# AutoCAD developer.
All of this started with a little bluff 8years ago1
When forced to make something in Access and VBA, the only motivation I find is naming the functions by my choice!2
Teaching a relatives boyfriend VBA so he can edit macros in excel, he has an interview next week as a junior data analyst and this a requirement. This is his laptop keyboard. Pay close attention to the placement of ctrl, shift etc. and the lack of a backspace.13
Switching back and forth between python and VBA for work and private projects is like being forced to use a walker during the day only to jump into the fastest Ferrari straight after work2
love-hate relationship with Python semi-rant
The year is 2020.
I have already grown accustomed to the idea that in order to do ML without worrying too much about having to completely jump through hoops with the tech stack I have chosen that I would have to settle with Python, which I like.....for small scripts that don't do much other than piping data around or doing simple admin tasks, that is generally our use of Python at work.
For anything bigger I would prefer something else. Not because I find anything inherently horrible in Python, I find it to be a nice language overall, that has made it possible for many to find a passion inside of the world of development and possibly an interesting in overall engineering and computer science principles. Much respect Python, good game Guido VR, what you did changed the world.
But it is that damn whitespace that gets me, the need to use it as a way to properly write blocks, I just can't make myself like syntactical whitespace no matter what I do. I can do without static typing, shit I did it for the longest time with JS way tf before Node and Typescript were a thing, and I have done it before PHP's attempt at having type hints, which still leave much to be desired. Ruby(imho) the most elegant language around doesn't have it and that is fine really, it does not bother me as much, if mypy gets powerful and widely adopted enough it will then be a non-issue.
But another thing that the 4 languages i mentioned before have is non-existent syntactical whitespace......I just can't stand it.
So, why am I saying all of this nonsense? Today I wanted to recreate a conda environment and landed on the use of YAML............which has syntactic whitespace and I lost my shit.
I seldom bitch about languages and technologies, shit, I used VBScript before, not only did I get paid handsomely for it, but I fucking enjoyed it(probably cuz I am a masochist).
But two things I cannot abide: VBA and syntactic whitespace.
Once I get enough knowledge for it I will push for the same level of tooling in Python to be ported to Scala.
Thank you for coming to my whiny post about something as small as bitching about syntactic whitespace.9
that feeling when your (thrice) refactored code executes literally 1000 times faster.
loading excel ranges into vba arrays and process these is much faster than comparing the ranges themselves. also much more readable. please don't throw rocks at me for don't knowing this in advance.6
Spent yesterday afternoon trying to extract the logic from a VBA macro written by civil engineers so that we can encode the same logic in the applications we're writing.
500 lines of meaningless variable names and loops reading values from various spreadsheets into a 3 dimensional array(!).
On top of that, now that I kind of understand what it's doing, I don't think it's ever worked properly.2
Helping this lady with her Microsoft Access work. Wrote some complex Visual Basic script to make the database look pretty. This is what she is asking:
"Hey, where did you get all this code from? YouTube? Can you please send me the link?"
ffs I'm a dev, why the fuck do you think I need YouTube for this simple VBA script.3
Messenging with a friend about me working with VBA on a side project.
Me: VBA brings back bad behaviour
Me: I_AM_KONSTANT and this is a _globalVariable.
Me: Mister O. ...
Him: Mister M. ?
Me: Should i use goto?
Him: I think we need to break off contact.
Him: If you had said you killed someone. Ok.
Him: But GOTO?
Me: I did it. And then a cold shiver ran down my back.
Him: You deserve that!
( translate from German )4
During an internship, I spent some time automating reports with VBA. Basically, imagine a few big excel sheets with 1000 formulas and a few thousand lines of VBA.
One of the reports was handed directly to the bosses boss of our boss. After 4 weeks, he came to me and asked why the table entry in row 23 or so was always 84. Well.. I dont know. This data is automatically calculated / retrieved from a database. Went and checked, already sweating, and found that
THE OTHER INTERN COULDNT FIX A FORMULA SO HE OVERRODE IT WITH PLAIN TEXT. WITH A FUCKING PLAIN VALUE OF 84. A FOOKING EXCEL SHEET WITH A THOUSAND DIFFERENT FORMULAS AND LOTS OF VBA. Needless to say, everything is password protected now.1
Visual Basic at high-school, pascal and C and Java at University. VBA for macros on a job. html+css+js learnt o er a weekend to pass the screening for a new job, then ruby and php on that job to build internal tools. Now I am into python for data science. It has been fun.1
That moment when you teaching your coworkers about vba:
Me: and you close the formula with a curly bracket
Co-worker: Wow that's easy, and you say coding is hard
Me: you're right, here try to learn Java2
Customer: "We want you to create a system which stores a huge amount of abstract data, filters it and produces an output with a simple interface"
Me: "Okay no problem, I'll make a MEAN stack system which will give the customer a nice easy to use website"
Customer: "Oh no we want you to write a VBA macro in excel"
Me: "sudo rm -rf /home/me"1
First day as logistic administrator and already in need of this ribbon in excel... (was not included as a skill needed or to be known.) Let's do some after work VBA I guess.5
it's like shitting on sword art online.13
VBA as it's still considered a programming language, but it really should be banned from the face of the Earth3
I’m back after like one and a half year of inactivity and I have been in hell with this job but I’m absolutely unable to find one tale of hysteria to share.
Ha ha. You thought!
So, as backend developer, I’m naturally, currently working on redoing all our document templates since my boss has this impression I’m particularly good with MS Office. I don’t mind doing it for a couple of files, I have no urgent project or task atm and as we’re a small company everybody helps where it can.
But then my boss told me to change EVERY FUCKING TEMPLATE to the new branding guide.
So I did it. I wrote a monster.
An outrageous VBA Macro that sets automatically new headers, footers, margins, styles and whatever the fuck you want.
I don’t know if I have to be proud or disgusted of myself.
P.s.: missed this place4
My worst legacy code experience was when I worked as a freelancer and got a tiny job to improve a VBA module in some Excel file for a very big company. So what's worse than VBA? Having to change parts of VBA code that was passed around to other freelancers before like the cheapest dockside whore. After meddling in there for about half an hour I felt like all those cheap ass punter, so I decided to write the whole thing from scratch. What a relief, after 3 hours I was very proud of the thing and it looked clean and well maintained again so I let it back on the streets. 😉
To the coder who comes after me: Please treat her (the code) nice or I will burry you alive in dog poop and burn the whole thing!1
Dear fucking good why must I code in VBA in 2017 when there's a perfectly good (and better) alternative?!
I'm considering just porting the fucking code and hang it off.6
1. i'm drunk.
2. please do me a sanity check
this video, at this timestamp, watch the following about 5 minutes or so:
4. tell me (and possibly him in comment) if i'm wrong in the (point) of the following comment i wrote under that video:
20:53 ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME YOU ABSOLUTE MORON?!
yes, US has an altitude software written in fuckin VBA with an explicit statement to ignore errors, and there's not about 10x more automated testing code for a critical piece of functionality, than there is of the code that handles the actual functionality, and it's not been tested off-line (in simulated environment) as well as on-line (IRL) for at least years in all conditions, before it was deployed, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON.
CAN YOU JUST PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY STICK TO WHAT YOU ACTUALLY PROPERLY UNDERSTAND?!
HOLY FUCK THE LEVEL OF ARROGANCE IN YOU IN ASSUMING THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW VBA YOU KNOW HOW PROPER SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT IS DONE, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
I've worked in companies of 1k employees and less, on absolutely non-critical stuff, that has DevOps and QA processes and infrastructure that would make your script kiddie head spin for WEEKS, LET ALONE FUCKIN MILITARY SW DRIVING MILITARY EQUIPMENT YOU ARROGANT KNOWITALL FUCK.
Please, just please, FOCUS ON FUCKING DOING VIDEOS ABOUT STUFF YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND, instead of stuff your ego overinflated from years of debunking dunning-krugers tells you that you're an expert in despite never actually having worked even near those fields. PLEASE. You are amazing when doing those, but this bullshit is just fucking rage-inducing. Don't ever talk about software again, because that's obviously YOUR dunning-kruger area, you fuckin bigheaded script kiddie.12
MS Access and VBA.
This combo is the worst dev tech I had to use it by now. Why? Because even if you try it, you can't make a single line of clean code. The syntax is horrible, it still use GOTO...
Maybe the reason why I hated working with it is linked to the context too: I was (and still) developing a system using NoSQL database and this system should be mostly fully configurable through metadata within JSON documents and it was. But we were still writing every JSON by hands so we decided we needed to develop a web based utility for us and clients who would need to configure the system but one of the head decision making people said that we don't need to use fancy technologies (because NoSQL is already "fancy") and that the configuration tool will be develop with Access because he used it a lot when he was younger and when he was coding during its free time. He said that using Access would be much easier and much time saving than our "fancy web based solution" and that he could help if we had questions...
Developing a MS Access software is already a pain in the ass but when you need to output JSON with it...1
Since my first post was a success, here's another shameless hack-- in this case, ripping a "closed" database I don't usually have access to and making a copy in MySQL for productivity purposes. That was at a former job as an IT guy at a hardware store, think Lowes/Rona.
We had an old SCO Unix server hosting Informix SQL (curious, anyone here touched iSQL?), which has terminal only forms for the users to handle data, and has keybindings that are strangely vi based (ESC does commit changes. Mindfsck for the users!). To add new price changes to our products, this results to a lengthy procedure inside a terminal form (with ascii borders!) with a few required fields, which makes this rather long. Sadly, only I and a colleague had access to price changes.
Introducing a manager who asks a price change for a brand- not a single product, but the whole product line of a brand we sell. Oh and, those price changes ends later after the weekend (twice the work, back at regular price!)
The usual process is that they send me a price change request Excel document with all the item codes along with the new prices. However, being non technical, those managers write EVERYTHING at hand, cell by cell (code, product name, cost, new price, etc), sometimes just copy pasted from a terminal window
So when the manager asked me to change all those prices, I thought "That's the last time I manually enter all of this sh!t- and so does he". Since I already have a MySQL copy of the items & actual (live) price tables, I wrote a PHP backend to provide a basic API to be consumed to a now VBA enhanced Excel sheet.
This VBA Excel sheet had additional options like calculating a new price based on user provided choices ("Lower price by x $ or x %, but stay above cost by x $ or x %"), so the user could simply write back to back every item codes and the VBA Excel sheet will fetch & display automatically all relevant infos, and calculate a new price if it's a 20% price cut for example.
So when the managers started using that VBA sheet, I had also hidden a button which simply generate all SQL inserts for the prices written in the form, including a "back to regular price" if the user specified an end date, etc.
No more manual form entry for me, no more keyboard pecking for the managers with new prices calculated for them. It was a win/win :)1
My first gig straight out of uni was on a project where my role required fixing an FTP client to upload files from a clients machine to our server. It was a spreadsheet. VBA. An excel spreadsheet. FTP client. A spreadsheet.
Me: "why are we using VBA for this?"
PM (was a dev 10+ years ago and started the basics of this 'ftp client'): "VBA is great." *Stern face*
Sometimes life takes unexpected turns:
I studied mechanical engineering and did some "computer stuff" in my free time, you know, "programming" with Java, toyed around with HTML/CSS/PHP a few years ago, some local server stuff with a raspberry pi, nothing fancy.
Half a year ago i got hired as engineer first but they said they needed an "IT Guy" also.
What i did since then
*Researching, Testing and Planning the introduction of an ERP software
*Planning, coordinating and (partially) setting up a new server for the company (actually two cause redundancy (heavy lifting got done by our IT partner, its not like i suddenly know how to do the entire windows server administration)
*Writing 3 minor tools for some guys in the company in java
*Creating numereous excel vba scripts that make work a lot easier
*doing all the day to day business that comes up when absolutly noone know how to use a pc in the company
*consulting the boss about webshops and websites in general and finding a decent partner
*and some engineering
Did i mentioned that i studied mechanical engineering? I know nothing about all this, or rather, i know enough to know that i know not enough.
My current side project is creating a small intranet, so creating a new VM in Hyper V, setting up some OS (probably slim CentOS), getting a Webserver running and making it somewhat secure. Then i need to create some content, i am very close to just install a mediawiki and call it a day. If i write anything in PHP i fear that i make way to many erros or just reinvent the wheel, on the other hand, i couldnt find anything resembling what i need. I also had to create the front end side, i knew CSS around 2010, there is probably tons of stuff i dont know and i will make so many errors.
This is frustrating, everything i touch feels like i am venturing the beaten path but noone ever showed me the ropes so everything i do feels like childs play. I need an adult. Also the biggest Question remains: What i am?1
There are these type of costumers who think they better know how much time it takes to do something then me. They think because they can do a little SQL and VBA, they know what it takes to work on an E-Commerce Plattform. What’s wrong with this shitheads? How about some respect?
They tried to compare the integration of an Instagram wall with integrating automated product variations. They then proposed some plugins that i should use. Surprise the plugins are completely useless for the usecase.
I just want to hit them with their dumbness. In the face. Very hard.1
Sending texts via Excel... Kelly Rowlands VBA knowledge must be good! (screen grab from kelly/nelly dilemma)1
At the time I had been squatting, arrested, driven 300 miles across country only to be released - mistaken identity with just the clothes on my back. Decided to stay and lined up a couple of interviews. I got offered both but took the one which meant 2 busses and a ferry and 2 hours each way for a data entry position.
They were migrating to a new database and my job was to type it in to a screen so from print outs. Didn’t take long for me to work through that and they were struggling to find stuff for me to do, I mean at one point I was filing paper files. So I saw the 2 it guys doing the same thing with loads of excel files , hours and hours a month just wasted. I wrote a vba excel macro to do it for them at the click of a button and suddenly a position opened up as a junior programmer. Still at the same place 16 years later and were still using software I wrote 15 years ago (.net 1.1) quite happily on win10 surprisingly.
when I was 17 (13 years ago) I was doing my A-Levels in computers and we had to build a booking system using excel. that's when I discovered VBA, I learnt a lot and it made the project so much easier to do and with that I wrote my first calendar which was 365 lines of code. one line for each day of the year. it wasn't until I completed the project and going over some of the code it hit me, I turned 365 lines into 4! I was so pleased with myself. one of my best moments of programming.
Sometimes i feel pity for the people who had to work without git. Then I realize that the same people are my boss now.
Screw them! I'm happy they had to go through that!! 😂😂
I'm a backend developer and one day my team lead asked me to make a architecture diagram of our system, which he had to put in a PPT and demo it to a client. I did it for 15-20 minutes. And I completely hated doing it. I went and said "I will not do it". He then just took it from me and did it.. which he is supposed to. Felt very Very good doing that!!1
Why Microsoft do not develop Excel with VBA for Android?
It will Super usefull Programming platform4
Ah yes, I'd be happy to completely change the thing I'm working on, that is now unrelated to how you originally described the task to me.1
VBA on Word documents. It was my first ever application, making a report in Word with a lot of tables, which was based on data from Excel. Maybe it was just because I didn't really know how to make it eork smoothlt, but damn it was slow.1
God, the dude who "assisted" me today can go and fuck himself with a cactus.
I need to configurate and integrate some cms into a project. But since the documentation is utter horse shit and superficial, it's fucking torture to do so!
So after creating an issue on their helpdesk, i get an answer from some employee there. Instead of actually posting something useful, he decide that he could instead quote the fucking documentation.
Of course, he also quotes the very page i mentioned in my issue for being COMPLETELY USELESS. This goes back and forth. And he keeps just quoting the fucking documentation.
So i decompiled their product and painstakingly worked out how the feature worked that i needed.
Fuck you support asshole. I hope you get to maintain a legacy VBA project!3
I started fully exploring different aspects of tech in a middle school technology class where the teacher gave me a good grade as long as I did something that could be useful or interesting. I learned how to design webpages by playing with inspect element, and then decided to make my own with Notepad. One of my friends showed me how to use Sublime Text, and I found that I loved programming. Other things I did in there included using two desktops with NIC's wired directly to each other with an old version of Synergy and a VNC server, and at one point, I built a server node out of old dell Optiplex desktops the school had piled in a storage room.
Last year in high school, I took a class on VB.net and made some money afterwards by freelance refreshing legacy spaghetti, and got burned pretty badly by a person offering $25,000 for a major POS to backend CMS integration rewrite. The person told me that I had finished second, and that another dev had gotten the reward, but that he liked my code. A few days later, I was notified through a *cough*very convoluted*cough* system of mine by a trigger that ran once during startup in a production environment and reported the version number as well as a few other bits, and I was able to see that *cough*someone*cough* had been using my code. I stopped programming for at least six months straight because I didn't want to go back.
This year in high school, I'm taking the engineering class I didn't get into last year, and I realized that Autodesk Inventor supports VBA. I got back into programming with a lot of copy-paste and click-once "installers" to get my modelling assignments done faster than my classmates. Last week, one of my friends asked me to help him fix his VB program, which I did, and now I'm hooked again.
I've always been an engineer at heart, but now I'm conflicted with going into I.T., mechanical or robotical engineering, or being a software developer.
A little long, but that's how I got to where I am now. (I still detest those who take advantage of defenseless programmers. There's a special place for them.)7
I have to maintain a system for a financial institution that only works with Windows XP and Ms Access 2003. All VBA code, security is handled using a workgroup file. Can't upgrade anything because client doesn't want to pay for it.
i suddenly understand people ranting about programming languages. sure, it gets the job well done but vba syntax just makes me feel uncomfortable2
So I'm on orders for the Marine Corps, and this one guy thinks he's a programmer because he made a "program" in excel for dispatching our equipment. He's complaining that he's just fixing bugs. I take a look at his VBA code and see literally 1000 lines of if statements bundled into one function. (Or I think they're referred to as sub routines in VBA - it's been a while since I worked with it).
I try to give him some tips and pointers since he's literally just manually checking. Each. F'ing. Cell and a million nested if statements. Tried giving tips on making reusable code, and he has the cojones to tell me he knows what he's doing and doesn't need my "help". Granted I'm higher ranking than him and he also answers in a disrespectful manner.
I don't know why people here dislike php
It's been 3 years since I was introduced to php and I never find it unworthy to be used in my project at all
Last night it was my first freelancing project and the guy asked me to scrap a table from a stock market website in vba script and append the table values to the excel sheet. That looked easy, I kid you not, from the image he sent me that looked too easy.
There was no way to implement shit that in vba under my current knowledge.
Let's fuck this shit and jump to php, I inspected the site and found a cookie was enabling the site to load another part of the site through GET request.
Once I knew what was holding that GET request url, curl came to rescue. I attached cookies and sent the request header and parsed the ajax script url and fetched the response (table data).
Parsed the fetched data using explode and Voila! I made the fucking working script in php
As for the vba script, I wrote code to get this csv, append it to the file and delete the csv9
Does anyone know of any tools for deobfuscating a batch script?
I got one of those scam emails with a .doc file attached and wanted to pull it apart, embedded in that file is a VBA script that runs as soon as the document is open. I have figured out how the script works I just have no idea when it comes to the batch script that its running, any help would be appreciated.
heres a pastebin link with the script, https://pastebin.com/SDWnQc4814
Why the fuck does microsoft feel the need to be different?
One small example is VBA (Visual Basic for Applications).
When calling a function iw does not allow you to use brackets.
Example: Funct (arg1, arg2) is not valid but Funct arg1, arg2 is.
If you want the damed brackets you'll have to use call.
Call Funct ( arg1, arg2)
because after the first function is called, functions within that as arguments need to have the brackets...9
Okay so after a few days of thinking I think I'm sure about what I'm about to write :
Best : Discovering how to use streams while making a service that should extract a tar.gz, extract the tar.gz within it, filter the extracted files and correct some of them, then compress each folder as tar.gz and compress all the archives as .zip. The amazing thing for me is that with streams I could do all the operations in just two passes, maybe one if I had more time, saving disk writing time.
Worst : upgrading a bunch of legacy Access 97 apps and its VBA code to Access 2013
Programming excel macros is the worst thing one could do to himself. VBA is the most cancerous anderen inconsistent language I had the "pleasure" to work with. I have problems like the following all the time for no apparent reason. For example: you script something, test is and everything is working just fine and dandy. Next day when you run the script, guess what...i doesnt work anymore. For no apparent reason what so ever. Maybe its just me, but i just want to hang myself working with it.
Anyone else has had such "Love story" like mine?6
Cause who the fuck wouldn't expect a TriState to have FIVE goddamn values of which only TWO are supported.
Yeah, makes perfect sense.1
When you spent two hours of debugging because that one variable somehow has the value of NULL which can't be because it is initialized with another value and you realized you mistyped the name on one of your procedures, so VBA automatically instantiates a new variable and initializes it
Currently modifing a old Excel VBA Application. Found code which try to parse a Textbox on every change. If its a valid Number, it saves the value into a label. When saving the form the label will be parsed and validated instead of the Textbox
I started out as a data entry guy. I learned VBA because dealing with thousands of products in excel by hand was a pain in the ass. Among other things, I wrote a macro to combine multiple products into an importable Magento custom product. From there I learned HTML, CSS, JS, and PHP and never looked back.1
Ok Visio. You have a Database Wizard that allows me to associate shapes with database records. Cool! You do not allow me to automate this through VBA? NOT COOL2
So. I'm a hobby pythonist. I like it a lot, so when a problem occured at my workplace I offered to my boss that I could write something. I don't know what happened, but at the end we agreed that the best way would be to use excel and write the engine in VBA. So, I spend two and a half days to learn the basics and start to write some code to show him a demo version of my idea. At the end of the last day I gave it up. IT HURTS!!!!!! After python it'so dumb and the syntax is so painful... Finally in the last half day I wrote the whole piece of @&*^ in python. I hope it'll be good enough. I don't want to use VBA again. I'm a cnc operator/programmer and I don't have enough time to learn it. It's bad?3
Most of us have scary stories about professors that think that they know about what they are talking about when it comes to teaching comp sci subjects. Shit is so backwards in most parts of the world with teachers showing outdated or completely pointless tech.
A friend called me the other day asking for classic ASP help because it was being used in his web class. Another was asking me about flipping c cgi web scripting. Wtf are schools teaching? Having the drive to LEARN actuall useful topics that are relevant on the market is hard enough as it is...shouldn't schools help at least a little bit? I was lucky, we were thaught Java, Python, cpp, js, sql, html5, css3, php, ruby and we had classes for node (for those interested) and asp.net mvc. Those were RELEVANT and good classes and while some outdated tech was good the rest is just bullshit. Specially since most teachers have 0 market value as develpers...but hey!! Wtf do I know! Of course my word is shit against all them doctorate and master degrees.
Gimme a break. School can be great. But a lot of the leadership there is toxic af for our industry. And while I appreciate the effort in me being thaught modern languages (and thaught is a hard word since I already knew how to program way before going to school) i still remember a teacher taking points away from an assignment for not using switch statements in Python...despite my explaining that there was no such thing (you can go around it by using a lil technique using functions, its pretty cool..pero no mames)
Or what about the time I mentioned to a fellow student how he could use markup for having more control with his windows forms while the very same teacher contradicted me saying that shit was not possible. Or the guy at the school in which I work teaching intro to programming using fucking vba...fk man if you are going the BASIC route at least teach them b4j or something fuuuuck.
I had good teachers, but they were always cast asside by dptmnt heads as if they knew better. I just hate pendejo teachers I really do.
Chinguen a su madre, bola de babosos.11
Today:21 Jan, projects 5: 3 games:1 unity, 1 Java, 1 vba; 1 angular app and 1 lex compiler. due date 24 Jan.1
Job advertisement : C++, C#, mysql... / Interview : C#, mysql...
Real life : working one year (part time) on a prototype which had been used (I hope it still not the case) on prod. And by the way it was in VBA :D At the end the file did several Go, empty :D
First real job in a business, that's good memories :p
Why on Earth would you build API in VBA ? It's such an unusable language, everything is stupid (cuz it's for beginners, right? just fuckoffplz)
Why are we building modern technologies on top of ancient stuff ? Scalable ? Manageable ? Readable ? Anything ?5
Thought after spending more than two days after a VBA non-sense flaw:
People that say that VBA is not that bad simply don’t have that much experience in VBA.
"It was a slow day at work and another intern suggested finding a way to send messages discretely between our computers on the local network.
To accomplish this I chose any true programmer’s favorite tools: excel sheets and VBA."
Is it sad that I look forward to the weekend so that I can actually write some code rather than:
- Helping clients that can’t / won’t read docs
- Explaining to test colleagues that we need repro steps and can’t fix a bug based on “I was doing something and it crashed”
- Writing any regular expressions for another dev where it’s more complicated than ^[A-Z0-9]*$
- Wading through legacy VBA that’s littered with GoTo, global variables (even i, j and k for loops are fucking global!) and all the other fucking lazy shortcuts that save you 10 seconds at dev time and cost you (which ends up meaning me) hours in subsequent debugging.
I love writing code, and I think I’m pretty good at it, so can I please just get on with it?
Fellow ranters, please tell me I’m not alone in this.
Reviewing VBA code with least comments possible and out of nowhere there is an Application.Undo which crashes the macro
*Write comments as if the next dev is a psychopath who knows where you leave*3
I cannot think about a title, so just story:
in my position as multi headed chimera one of my ongoing task is it to dedust old excel sheets, processes and other super inefficient relics that steal time. Mostly i solve those with some tiny vba scripts, bigger vba scripts or a tiny java applications. usually that takes a few hours or maybe two days, depending on what i think is necessary.
the current task at hand is for our (physical) production, work time is noted on a sheet of paper and later given to the production head. Who then proceeds to type it all in excel to do his thing. The guy is starved of time by a huuge margin.
The other day our CEO-like guy was ranting that nothing in this company gets ever done and that people wasting their time with useless projects and named my project among them.
I dont get humans. First he gives thumbs up for this, knowing that it will probably take me 100 hours or so to create in a working manner but later he calls it "a waste of time?" I presented the use (reducing expensive mantime, paper waste and room for fudgery) and yet he calls it useless? (well, his point was that there are other problems (which are out of my reach anyway))
they guy normally is pretty nice and has an ear for problems, but when it comes to higher computer stuff (>excel) he really struggles.
i really like my side project, gives me room to flex some muscles and test stuff. Also playing with raspberry pis on worktime.
On a sidenote, anyone ever tried raspi mesh networks and knows where i get working >10 inch capacitive touch screens?
I swear I will KILL the next one who comes to me to pimp up his excel sheet WITH FUCKING VBA -.-
This shit is so annoying.... Just because I started my apprenticeship and need to learn everything like a 3 year old kid...
Get me outta here!1
My employer has an application for product ordering/maintenance. Sounds pretty normal. It's an Excel spreadsheet that uses VBA to do the work, with a ton of SQL functions for row validation and procedures for database functions.
The guy that wrote it was a contractor who left the company well over 5 years ago.
No one on my team knows VBA. Me being the new guy gets tasked with this shitty VBA application's upkeep. Any time one of the braindead users fat fingers a value and the form blows up, I'm responsible for telling them exactly why they are stupid and sometimes I have to fix it for them because of the protections on the spreadsheet.
I've been asking the business to back a project for my team to develop a replacement but there is already so much happening for IT at my workplace, and my team is so under staffed (3 devs? Really?) That we spend most of our time fixing broken old shit.
We get an intern next month. Hopefully things improve soon because this tucking time bomb application sucks for everyone involved.3
Worst part of having a stupid team lead is that you first have to explain the work twice and then start the implementation.. which makes the 15 minutes work as 40 minutes.2
had my boss ask me to automate reports on our emails... he wanted me to use google script. the 6min limit was killing me. we needed up sacrificing accuracy and going another route with VBA done by my co worker. I have a meeting next week with my boss's boss about how we did it and I don't know VBA.1
Stupid shits, if I am converting this app from the VBA to a modern web app. Don't fucking suggest me copying and pasting tens of thousands of lines of shitty spaghetti code, into a new Web project.4
I just spent 6 hours searching for the reason my code ONLY works when stepping through the breakpoints. Turns out I just had to add a single line of code to my procedure (chartObject.Activate) to make it work. I'd be lost without those 3 year old posts on some shady Excel VBA forums.
Thanks for documenting that, Microsoft!
everybody nags about php inconsistencies, but have you tried excel vba scripting and adressing a1 vs r1c1 notation regarding ranges and names? pure horror.2
I love being a part of a dev project as a non-dev employee, but I really wish I could leave VBA.
If for no other reason, because I'm tired of writing functions that end with "Me.Cells(Row, Column).Value" practically in my sleep.
There are a lot of other reasons, though...1
Well here I go my first rant.
A little bit of background:
So I started working my first job a little over a month ago. found devrant about a week in. I was lucky that at a very young age I found programming and liked it (about 6 or 7). I went to college just to get a degree (bachelors of game development).
The job that was a "Great" opportunity that would be bad to let slip by (not a game dev job sadly). Well during the interview they asked me simple thing like what programming languages I know and some simple stuff like that, they never did ask me to demonstrate my knowledge though. Then they went to the weirder questions.
Do you know SQL? yeah at a very base level.
Do you know Excel? I mean I used is a bit, but not very much.
A few of the questions felt a little out of place for the field, But it was the only "programming job" that would hire an experienced junior developer, so I took it. Guess I should have asked more questions.
Now I'm here at a job to help replace someone who is retiring. He wasn't a programmer really, but he wrote some code out of necessity well his platform of choice was VBA in Excel. Oh, and that's not the best part, he also dealt with mistakes that happen in the lab (electronics shit). So when ever there is a fuck up I have to go figure out how to search a poorly designed database (that is constantly changing), and today is the day he leaves, so no more help after today. My biggest fear currently is that I wont be able to fill a request that someone makes and I'll be the reason the company is losing money. And with all the stress/burn out that's building up I haven't been working on personal projects, which being my main source of entertainment might be making me depressed. Even when I do work up the effort to work on my projects I don't get very much entertainment. (If anyone has a suggestion for this that would be helpful.)
TIL: Even if the job is a great opportunity don't stop searching and ask a lot of questions.2
Debug a VBA macro that generates a json file for more than an hour. It always fail, but why? Print json file block by block, debug line by line, all validates. I just discovered that perforce bloqued the output file. Can I go home now please?1
Why does our boss think that there is "fix it" button for every bug.. which will magically solve the bug in 1 minute.1
So this was a conversation.
tl;dr You can't just FUCKING RECOMPILE for an older OpenGL version you dimwit!
Context: Person Y has OpenGL 3.1, my program requires OpenGL 2.1, but refused to launch with "Pixel format not accelerated"
Person X - Today at 9:28 PM
or optionally compile it for old opengl
Or just use my old junk.
Me - Today at 9:29 PM
Person X - Today at 9:29 PM
Me - Today at 9:29 PM
You don't just "compile it for old opengl"
Person X - Today at 9:29 PM
Me - Today at 9:29 PM
For one, Person Y has an OGL version new enough so... /shrug
Person X - Today at 9:29 PM
Me - Today at 9:30 PM
And there is no way I'm ripping the rendering code apart and re-doing everything with glBegin, glVertex, glEnd guff
Person X - Today at 9:30 PM
You don't have to
Me - Today at 9:30 PM
Person X - Today at 9:30 PM
Just use a vbo
Than a vba
Me - Today at 9:30 PM
I ALREADY USE FUCKING VBOS
Person X - Today at 9:30 PM
There's two typws
Btw one with indacys and one with out
Ones 3.0 ones 4.0
Me - Today at 9:31 PM
tl;dr. I am not rewriting half of everything for worse performance just for the sake of being compatible with even more legacy OGL, that might not even work anyway for Person Y. idc
Person X - Today at 9:32 PM
Plus if your using glut you can set the version I want to say
Also it's not worse
<Some more conversation>
Person X - Today at 9:33 PM
Btw crafted [Me] taking th lazy way as normal
Me - Today at 9:33 PM
Taking the lazy way eh.
You have no idea do you
Person X - Today at 9:33 PM
Yes you are
I have more of one :p
Than you think2
After 6 weeks of coding in VBA (Excel's integrated IDE) the project is nearly finished. When I updated BossMan on it he said "This is really great. I can see the team using this. Is it possible to put it online and have the interface be on the website?"
.... I don't know what to say. This was my initial protest about using VBA but I wasn't vocal enough. Guess what my next project is.
You're right.. porting 2.5k thousand lines of VBA into some form of WebApp.
While I'm exited at the prospect of using a real IDE again I'm angry that I didn't start this was from the beginning.5
Microsoft, why did you put a index base modifier command into VBA if 2/3 of your built in libraries ignore it?
"object doesnt support this property or method"
THANKS EXCEL VBA!
Who wants information about the line, the object name, type, or any other useful information? Yeah sure, i will track that object by placing Debug.Print till i find the line that causes this.
(its a bit my own fault, i found out how to solve the problem (or thought so) and wrote like the entire code without testing it inbetween)4
I spent two hours trying to figure out why VBA was giving me the correct values when I used debug.print, but not when I got the returned from the function.
I MISSPENT THE GOOD DAMN FUNCTION IN THE RETURN AND VBA DOESN'T SHOW OR AS A BUG OR GOOD DAMN ANYTHING....
I hate this thing so much.
On the bright side the office thinks I'm some sort of magical tech-deity.5
unexperienced me just wanted to mess around with vba updating a docvariable in word, now i am fiddling around how to export several values to an external excel-sheet.
that escalated quickly
39 hours. Finished building an Excel tool to help me convert rows of data into Magento custom products in seconds instead of minutes. Then I used said tool on a huge load of data and worked my ass off to get it done by some deadline. I honestly forgot what for.
I've always been unsure if I was good enough to consider myself a developer, but at my first job out of college, I've convinced the right people that I know my shit. Now I'm on project writing a VBA script that compiles some pretty important data.
It's not huge, but it's still pretty unheard of as a customer support contractor at this major company.
First microcontrollers, then university, now self-taught, with plenty of Googling all through.
Mainly working with VBA and PHP at the moment
When they decided to deprecate the old app that went back to early DOS, they decided to use VB.NET because they'd used some VBA and were familiar with it. Except they had a vague idea that C# was faster and decided to write the OpenGL code in that. Also they had some C++ code and decided to write more of it, accessed by the main program via COM.
I come in and the decision is made to integrate some third-party libs via a C++/CLI layer. On one hand screw COM, but on the other we're now using two non-standard MS C++ extensions. Then we decide we need scripting, so throw in some IronPython.
I'm the build engineer for all this, by the way. No fancy package managers since almost all the third-party dependencies are C++; a few of them are open source with our own hacks layered on top of the regular code, a few are proprietary. When I first started here you couldn't build on a fresh SVN checkout (ugh) without repeatedly building the program, copying DLLs manually, building again, ad nauseum. I finally got sick of being called in to do this process and announced that I was fixing it, which took a solid week of staring at failed compiler output.
Every so often someone wants to update that damn COM library and has to sacrifice a goat to figure out how the hell you get it to accept a new method. Maybe one day I'll do a whole rant just based on COM.
Today I learned that in our team, where we usually process data for runtime usage through batch scripts, which is the dumbest shit anyone can think of, someone decided to do data processing through VBA inside an excel file.
So that proves, regardless of how bad a solution is, an even more stupid solution is still possible.
At least it's not documented, so my hope is no one will see and copy it.
I got approached by a recruiter seeking an individual with extensive Linux experience. When it got to the in-person interview, they asked me how good in VBA I was... turns out the recruiter got a little creative with the given job description.
just feeling satisfied being able to program. even if it is just a small vba script again. but it accomplishes a feature in urgent need. best point is doing it within paid time.
Inb4: I swear I am not an asshole.
Ok, I did a year of business, judge me all you want. Now I'm in CE. So we were learning VBA basically for those managment files that you preprogram to do your enterprise finances...or your grocery store list. Anyway, I was not paying attention to the classe, we were learning "For", so I was on Facebook and doing nothing along with my friend. The teacher caught us and decided the whole class would take a surprise quiz right that moment, because "some people think they know it all". So, all the class got bad grades because he was pissed at two students out of 56. Dick move!
PS:I got an A, so I am just stating that he was a dick to the others guys for no reason
I swear excel is fucking with me.
Use a formula to generate an array, all good.
Use same formula but passed into vba function, different set of data.
All of the ranges are hard set with $, if I use the formula in another cell the results are correct.
I hate Microsoft and my workplace for making me use this shit.
After 6 weeks of VBA programming I was given a small side task (webcrawl, get data, parse into SMALL and I'm glad to say I have it finished with the day. This being my first ever python script I'm a little bit proud of myself. It's not clean, or nice, but it works as intended and can easily be reused.
Me every time I get an email from recruiters:
void GetQuestionsToAsk(string taboo)
return "* Do I have to work with " + taboo + "?\n" +
"* Does anyone in the team write any " + taboo + "?\n" +
"* Is the word " + taboo + " even in the job specs?\n";
Call this function with "VBA", "SQL" and "Excel" and I'm good to go (matter of perspective if you want to proceed if the answer is positive ;) ).4
VBA, not even the documentation is fine. I still have to use it. PHP just looks an elegant and charismatic language near VBA.
At £220 a day, I think I'll stick with VBA for now if that's the case.22
Today was a satisfying day... I could code nearly all day 😃 (even when it was VBA and not Java - it was a nice diversion) - and in the end everything worked 🕺
Looking back I realise I had Lego Mindstorms. That had basic drag and drop programming for the robot. I could say I started there, but really only messed with it for my pretend play. Then I did data entry in HS. Never messed with until my wife made me pick a major so i would stop being a professional student. Started C++ in college. Where I work uses Excel, so I have been messing with the macros using VBA. Currently building websites for another class.
When Client insists on making Excel what it is not... Implementing a management dashboard in Excel which source are at least 7 other workbook, that correlate...
Not even VBA is easing things here...
I despise whovere come up with VBA IDE. Why is all the code confined within one window when multimonitor setups existed even back in the 14'' CRT era? And what sort of a fuckhead thought it's a good idea to throw a pop-up (with a notification sound!) every time you want to move from partially written line to a different one?
But hey, I managed to optimise the data parsing from 97 down to 3 sec.3
it feels a bit wierd to open a word file that processes an access-filtered excel file to optionally generate an outlook mail.5
I'm a fully fledged VBA Developer of 10+ years btw
Thought I better learn a useful language now though 😂4
i can't stop laughing at this poor guy and i feel really bad about it
(for reference, Gambatte is #2 in accuracy, 3DS VC runs games like VBA 2007 does (read: literally *barely*) and GameYob is about 16-17% more accurate than VC, so... 45% or so?)5
WHY DO YOU MOCK ME SO?!?
..... Where ever you are... I will find you, add I will eradicate your code breaking behavior....... Eventually....
So... I had to create a VBA macro, ok, it is very simple and it will be necessary during some DOC files reviewing. Ok, not a problem.
I created the functions, added some quick launch buttons and saved it as a .DOTM file. I even included an autoload form with an Install button, so the file copy itself to the Word Startup folder. Nice, everything working just fine.
But... there are two Mac users in the company. I do not have a Mac, but the first thing I thought was I hardcoded the "\" to check if the file already exists and to copy the file. Using the system separator would do the trick. The macro would be copied and everything is done. But...
1. The quick launch buttons do not appear on Mac;
2. The "Application.PathSeparator" returns an ":"
3. The "application.StartupPath" returns an invalid path (something like "Mac's Name:Application:etc")
4. The copy command is not working, the Dir command appears to be not identifying the path etc
5. I need to have it working by Monday morning.2
ITS VBA again!
I made two misstakes today.
The first one was touching vba, the second one was assuming things.
The two statements are almost the same except the braces. VBA uses IF [condition] THEN..i soo foulhardly assumed that, when you just chain conditions together with an AND its taken as one statement. While in reality it apparently ignores some conditions and not some others.
I really dont bother with VBA a lot and try to avoid it, but upon occassion the need arises. I still dont know why the brace variant does the expected behaviour while the without does not. It seemingly does not ignore thew first two conditions but the third which makes it even more confusing. But as i dont know enough about VBA to say with confidence its on Excel and not on me i squelch my rage and tend the happiness that it now works..somehow.
Job Interview for a vba/c# job. I'm a Web Frontend Dev normally so kinda strange when they found out I had nearly no experience (job hunter didn't tell them....)
Well he told me that he considers hiring me as a junior junior.
Should I say yes if I get the job?4
Hey guys, I'm new to coding and DevRant. I was looking for some ground to learn some cool stuff but don't know were to start. What are some good languages to start? I know Python and VBA for now. What are some good sites for learning??4
Looking back at the VBA code I wrote for work about 10 months ago makes me realize how much reading the Clean Code book by Robert C. Martin did for me, because holy shit my old code is unreadable...2
almost everything work related. especially filtering a csv export file with a python executable to open a word serial letter to open a email for some entries with vba. or writing a js object file with vba from an excel 'database'. my proudness is ambivalent.
That time I got frisky with VBA and spent a whole night coding to have it compile sets of data into charts, without having any experience in VBA coding. Also added buttons.
fuck VBA, fuck retard business users, who think it's proper to use it in 2019....
fuck them all, with their "save money" shit, then expect old shit to work "like at google".... let's STOP USING SHITTY LEGACY TECH, JUST BECAUSE THE LEADERS ARE TOO INCOMPETENT AND NEVER INVOLVE TECHNICAL PEOPLE FOR SELECTING SOFTWARES / SOLUTIONS....
Go back to the 80s and give'em a terminal to work... I'd like to see those fuckasses in pain....3
What the hell am I!? I wonder if you guys can help me...
I've been programming most of my life but I've never actually been a developer by title or job role. I thought maybe if I list what I do and have done someone here could help? I'm sure there are more of you in a similar boat.
- C# and VB dev for some quick DBMS projects to help me understand and mine databases and create a nice simple view for project teams to show findings from the data to help make certain decisions.
- Automating a lot of my colleagues work with Python and if very restricted then just VBA macros in Excel and MSP. This did also include creating tools to gather data during workshops and converting the data for input into other systems.
- Brought Linux to the office with most team members now moving over to Linux with the peace of mind to know that though they do need to try solve their own problems, I can help if need be.
- Had to learn AWS and then implement an autoscaling and load balanced data center installation of a few Atlassian toolsets.
- Creating the architecture diagrams documentation needed for things like the above point.
- Having said that, also have ended up setting up all the Jira/Confluence etc. servers we use and have implemented so far whether cloud (Azure/AWS) or on prem and set up scripts to automate where possible.
- Implemented an automated workflow view in SharePoint based on SP list data and though in an ASPX page, primarily built in JS.
- Building test systems in PHP/JS with Laravel and Angular to help manage integration between systems. Having quite a time right looking into how to build middleware to connect between SOAP and REST API's, the trouble caused more by the systems and their reliance on frameworks we're trying to cut out of the picture.
- Working on BI and MI and training a team to help on the report creation so that I can do the fun creative stuff and then set them to work on the detail :)
Actually it seems safe to say that it seems that though I've finally moved into a dev office (beforehand being the only developer around) I seem to be the one they go to when a strategic solution is needed ASAP and the normal processes can't be followed (fun for someone with a CompSci degree and a number of project management courses under the belt... though I honestly do enjoy the challenges)
But I always end up Jack of all but master of, well hopefully some at least. let's not even get started on the tech related hobbies from circuit design and IoT to Andoid / iOS and game dev and enjoying a bit of pen testing to make sure we're all safe at work and at home.
As much as I don't like boxes, I'm interested to know if there is in fact a box for me? By the way, the above is just a snapshot of my last two years minus the project management work...2
current language vba.
(14 / 24) - (8 / 24) > (6 / 24)
compiled to true. apparently rounding to 8 digits did the trick. quirky was that debug.printing each calculations showed exactly '0.25' for both not giving a hint about some float issue in the first place. ah, and rounding to 4 digits wasn't right either.
For fucks sake, why can't Microsoft switch to Lua or JS as an embedded language instead of VBA.
It bad enough working with their office-jank but having program in this butt-rape of a language takes the cake.8
A person calling himself a technical lead should have some knowledge about what his subordinates are doing!! It's really a mess for me when my TL says I don't know how to do it, for a problem that I have been trying for almost 4 hours, but you'll have to do it somehow!!1
i am frightened. i have a feeling the only person i can talk about programming stuff twice a year is getting out of touch.
as if the rarity of the talks is not bad enough, our tech stack edges away every time. he is the most intelligent person, yet i see no huge advantages and my strides just raise a shrug. not out of lack of interest but from pure inexperience. we have a long history of joint projects, but i fear the day only he relieves about his webdev experiences with his php-es5-css-stack, while i can not contribute with my knowledge about python- and vba-automation, oop and es6+. as if he would not be able to wrap his head about all this in a blink of an eye.
why am i not able to find a way to use multidimensional associative arrays in vba?
plus: why am i too dumb to see my own data structure and process data sheets in a complicated way instead of using prepared data with a simple string split?3
Being called into a simple change only to find out it is related to an excel file, with vba, thousands of lines of it, and database connections...1
Hi... I am here again. Long time without phone... am learning java but a cousin want a register, and I am doing on excel with vba. What you say?
I really hope that Google maps puts his optimization aside and just take me home on a good road.. and not from somewhere Goofy!!
My company relies on Excel waaaaay to much. Everything is done with Excel and VBA (it's not dev company) so I'm "forced" to develop complex system that requires database and serious coding. Worst part, they probably won't pay me anything :/