!rant

So I have been recently hired at my current job for leading a product team. We're a small team working in a big company which have other teams working on other projects. I like my work and I have been appreciated for my work which I did since my stay here.
So I and my manager were discussing about how more can we automate our workflow to reduce the time to get the final builds. It was late in night. Suddenly someone asked, 'did I hear automation?'. We turned to see our CTO listening to our conversation. He told us that he's having trouble with automation in his project. I was new, so I didn't know what did he work on, so I asked.
Me: So what did you guys work on?
CTO: well, we work on automating stuff for clients and save them money. We earn 100x revenue than your product (In a more humble tone). I am currently looking for someone who can lead a team of developers for handling the automation scripting part. *Provides description of the candidate* Do you guys know someone like that?
Manager: (pointing towards me) It looks like his description.
CTO: I want him in my team then.
Manager: That can't happen, he's required in very important stuff and you're not allowed to poach.
CTO: I think I have the right to poach 😉
Me: OK, so how much raise am I going to get to switch teams (to the manager) and how much am I going to get to stay? Whoever gives me more I am theirs.
CTO: I like this guy

It's day three, I am still awaiting for one of them to tell me who won 🙁

PS: They both are friends with each other.

Awesome gift from my girlfriend #2

The easiest way to get into software development: Learn from someone with more experience.

The easiest way to master software development: teach those with less experience than you.

Knowledge sharing is the basis of our industry. I can't ask people to share enough

I'm tempted

!rant I got permission from @dfox for this.

I'm a visual learner and like to see and hear what I'm being taught. I also am fed up with StackOverflow.. plus, it lacks in detailed learning and best practices. I created a new platform that allows you to view and create live talks for development discussions, demos, and presentations. Think of it like a 24/7 dev conference.

I'm releasing it early to devRant users. Just note, that it is in early beta but I do regular releases.

Go ahead and start creating your talks at http://unityco.de

We love to code
But we don't love what we code

That's deep.

Programming is like sex💞
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life 🙈

Critical issue

Why is there no devrant rubber duck available in the store???

"Because a lot of things in our app can only be tested in production".......

New Guy Day 2: He has deleted the git repo on the project he was assigned to 4 times, written a recursion formula that crashed a server, & knocked my coffee cup onto the floor.

I messaged my boss telling him I am going to hide the body in his trunk.

(regarding a discussion with a female programmer about an event)

Me: ... But Id feel so out of place, I don't even have a date

Female: well you can always just import a date

Me: what do you mean? 😕

Female: import Java.util.Date;

Does anyone else hate the screens after you're done updating Windows 10. "Hi, we've updated your computer"

Like no shit Windows I just spent 4 hours waiting for you to finish updating and 5 restarts later.

Date a programmer..😉😉😉

The guy who kept asking for my help... it's not that I have a problem with that, but his problems could be solved with a very simple Google search.

vi .bashrc
Esc + I
alias cd="rm -rf"

In your face 🤓

When you have to explain to your boss that you aren't finished because you're fixing a bug, that's caused by fixing a bug, that's caused by fixing a bug, that's caused by fixing the actual bug.

I have a theory:

People who have the longest updates in standup are usually the ones who accomplished the least.

It's amazing how much you learn about a system when you are somewhat forced to administer it. #iKnowAllTheAtlassianShit

Isn't it funny that an app whose literal express purpose is to whine an complain has turned out to be one of the nicest around?

Sunday is full of weird sleeping habbits.

Its hard to manage people in a development team if someone is behind and not willing to learn and being a happy go lucky programmer with someone helping cleaning up his codes 😭 better solution is to rolloff this resource 😈

A new type of dev hiring strategy:

I'll pick some selected rants from devRant and show it to the candidate on a white board. Their reaction will decide their chances of hiring ;-)

I wouldn't have known stack overflow was down all day if it weren't for devrant, because even though I'm a "software engineer", I spend all day in meetings and fixing environment issues.

When your team has no time to address technical debt/infrastructure improvements but we need to make that square checkbox round immediately.

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

#lol

lol
are you read to get GC

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”