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TFW your client's git policies are so draconian that the dev teams use "develop" as trunk, and completely ignore the release process.
I wrote up 50 pages of git standards, documentation and procedure for a client. Bad indian director 9000 decides the admin (also Indian) who specializes in Clearcase and has no git or development experience is more qualified to decide and let's him set the policy.
FF to today:
- documentation, mostly contradictory, is copy pasted from the atlassian wiki
- source tree is the standard
- no force pushing of any branches, including work branches
- no ff-merge
- no rebasing allowed
- no ssh, because he couldn't figure it out...errr it's "insecure"
- all repos have random abbreviated names that are unintelligible
- gitflow, but with pull requests and no trust
- only project managers can delete a branch
- long lived feature branches
- only projects managers can conduct code reviews
- hotfixes must be based off develop
- hotfixes must go in the normal release cycle
- releases involve creating a ticket to have an admin create a release branch from your branch, creating a second ticket to stage the PR, a third ticket to review the PR (because only admins can approve release PRs), and a fourth ticket to merge it in
- rollbacks require director signoff
- at the end of each project the repo must be handed to the admin on a burned CD for "archiving"
And so no one actually uses the official release process, and just does releases out of dev. If you're wondering if IBM sucks, the answer is more than you can possibly imagine.12 -
Employer:"Have you tried JIRA before?"
Me: "I know JIRA, it came from a company called 'Atlassian'. I was interested in their product, but it says that it has 30 days trial. So I didn't have a chance to use it."
After a month..
"Our JIRA is pirated, we will use it in our internal servers"..
Me: (I thought this company got an enterprise product of JIRA).8 -
When you add a new team member and have to upgrade the numbers of users for your Atlassian products...
2 -
Big-time Microsoft fan who claims they've been using licensed versions of Windows since Windows 3.0. Still has all old versions of Windows on different machines / hard-disks. They use only Microsoft Surface devices. They still use Nokia Lumia (with Windows Phone 10). They were working with an organization that used Office365 for enterprise email and collaboration. They used Microsoft Teams for team collaboration when the rest of the organization was comfortable with Atlassian tools like jira, confluence and bitbucket.
One fine day, news spreads that the organization is moving into GSuite for enterprise email and collaboration. They are devastated. They quit citing personal and family reasons, but we knew the real reason.16 -
When you know the day will be great if there is two sticker batches sitting in your maibox.
Special thanks to Atlassian Statuspage and whatismybrowser.com for sending these awesome looking stickers!
5 -
One of our clients asked us to Integrate their projects with Jira, so I got this funny email from atlassian.
1 -
Why the hell does enterprise software get away with not having basic, logical, functionality?!
A hierarchical page structure should allow you to name multiple pages the same as long as they're under different parents.
Every FREE documentation platform understands this, yet atlassian fucking confluence can't figure it out.2 -
The feeling of dread as still a semi-junior sysadmin when an app doesn't work after an update.
I got stressed, triple-checked everything that I changed and that I followed all steps of the documentation of the upgrade process, then, as a last step before going over in half-panic mode to my boss, I try to restart the stupid java app and it starts working.
Wtf. Why. Why didn't it work the first time I started it? D: -
I was never a big fan of Github to be used within a company. So about 3 years ago where I used to work I implemented all the tools from Atlassian. Like litteraly all of them. And first I was stunned of the possibilities I had with Jira, Confluence, Bamboo and Bitbucket! But while self-hosting all thoose services you always felt, that Atlassian just bought all thoose companies and "threw them together"
BUT with newest features of Gitlab, I think they outperformed everyone! I absolutely love what they offer, even as a free service. They integrate all features in one product where you would otherwise relay on different products.
Whats important to you when it comes to VCS?3 -
I administer Atlassian stack instance (among zillion other things, of course). Once I've got an issue about login problem:
"I can login to Confluence, but not to Jira, could you help me?"
Looking into projects configuration, into user's permission groups in Crowd (both apps are connected, it will be important in a moment)... Everything looks good. Wtf?
Suddenly, I've got this idea:
"What username do you use in Jira?"
"My username."
"What about Confluence login?"
"My email."
Realization in 3... 2... 1...
Wait for it...
Just a little more tension...
"Nevermind, thank you!"
Remember, guys, always give them a chance. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best. And I wish you all only such issues! :-D -
It's kinda calming to find out that the atlassian-guys themselves don't know very good about their stuff either
3 -
Yet another rant on cooperate world
The other day my colleague was telling me that he was with very senior architect (so called architect, who keeps on changing things on the fly) and when my colleague was telling that he doesn't have resources to work with, this senior architect opened up stash (Atlassian Git) and opened up profiles with names and was looking at commits in the git...and said "this guy doesn't have commits for long time...he is free"
WTF.... 0 0 -
Atlassian bitbucket you sad sorry piece of shit. I can see an old coworker's PR in the list but you won't accept it as a valid search target under the author searchbox, but even older ex-employees are searchable. What the flying fuck, go out of business.
And fuck you for JIRA as well. -
It's amazing how much you learn about a system when you are somewhat forced to administer it. #iKnowAllTheAtlassianShit
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Company after years finally moves away from the ages old and buggy chat infrastructure to use HipChat, which gets adopted quickly and is loved by everyone...
Now Atlassian announces to discontinue HipChat. ;( *sadpanda*
At least we might be able to move to Slack now. :)1 -
I just realized something. So my company's whole release process and code management now run on mainstream tech products: Atlassian, Jetbrains, IBM and not in house/vendor crap1
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Project Lead: The DevOps department just got a GitLab instance installed on our internal network. We're gradually going to move all our projects onto it and move away from BitBucket and Jenkins really soon.
Me: Awesome!
Project Lead: We're still using JIRA and Confluence for issue tracking and documentation though because the higher ups said so.
Me:
2 -
At my previous company, we used tools from all over the place. We switched between tools at will. Sometimes, some team would decide to use some tool while the rest of the company would use something else. The worst part was that there was no Single-Sign-On (SSO) either. Everyone would need to have an account on all of these said tools. It was chaos.
I realized that being integrated into one environment (even though would have the cost of a vendor-lock-in) was the best option to have because in that case, we wouldn't have to deal with operational hurdles like having integration from one tool to another. They would just come baked-in with the whole environment. That's how GSuite (formerly Google Apps for Work), Atlassian and other players succeeded - they gave a complete suite of services / software that integrated well with each other. You could jump back and forth between services without having to bother about integration with other tools. They'd all be there wherever you wanted them to be. Even cloud providers so that opportunity and built on it - Amazon Web Services (AWS), Google Cloud Platform (GCP), Kubernetes (in itself).
Another example is a company that used Jira, Confluence and Hipchat but for some dumb reason used Gerrit for their code review / hosting. Eventually, they realized that managing the integration with the Atlassian tools was far more expensive than getting bitbucket and migrating completely into the Atlassian environment.
It's always the integration that matters. Everything else is secondary. -
I am the responsible for the atlassian Suite at work, as I maintain the systems, set them up, and stuff.
One day, our crowd (the authentication and authorization application) just went crazy. At like lunch time it could not connect to the AD anymore. No reasons. Throwing XSRF errors (cross site scripting), because http would connect to https. "won't do it, fuck you" it told me. Out of the blue. Noone changed anything. And yea, seriously. Noone did.
It just refused to connect (as connecting to AD is connecting yourself with you own api. And refusing yourself talking to yourself). It runs behind a proxy. Therefore http/https. Well, this worked for years. But out of sudden not anymore.
Yea. Fuck you.
It was reported some hours later, at like 3pm, as people could not login to the applications using crowd as authentication and authorization server.
Tried to debug the system, where nothing was did, to make it work. At best time to fail.
First workaround: if you are logged into one of the other applications of atlassian, just refresh the site, so your SSO token gets a refresh and you are signed on again.
Then I searched more and more. And more.
But nothing worked, nothing helped.
So I addressed an emergency maintenance, take down the whole Suite, restart crowd, to apply some changes to it's settings, not knowing what happening then, because all connections of SSO will then be released. Sent out the mail like 30 minutes beforehands.
While waiting for the window, I just typed my credentials... And redid, and redid, so to type and being bored.
Three minutes before the window...
It just worked again.
Well. Wtf. Serioudl
Just came back.
No Intrusion, no changes at all. Just came back, as nothing has happened.
Kind of best part of this story... A headhunter messaged me on my way home to offer me a job as an Atlassian Suite SysAdmin for a company, at kinda the double of my salary.
At first I was thinking to go there, and when someone then asked me sth about Atlassian just start to laugh and then leave still laughing...
But then I very nicely respond that I dont want to cry at work. And wished him best luck.
I am doing some bad upgrades now on our Suite. Very painful.
And I looked into the start scripts. Some Look like the untalented intern tells another one to write scripts. Seriously wtf.
Today I followed the guide to Update a confluence and change database to Postgres. Didnt work, Postgres error.
Try it again, jquery won't load. Next try, tomcat not starting anymore. Did same thing. Every fucking time.
Yea. Maintenance window to get a nice new export soon. Will only take an hour.
To switch database in confluence, you need to set it up very fresh. And then Import your export.
Export takes an hour at our system.
Importing maybe the same time. Hope it will work (hint: Nope).
Oh, can be nice also. Just tell the Bitbucket to migrate databases, there is a fucking setting for it. Enter new database, ready, go, finished.
At least they don't raise costs very much every kinda year.
Oh sorry, yes, they do.4 -
I stopped using SourceTree as soon as Atlassian got their dirty paws on them because I knew they wouldn't be able to resist ruining it.
Fast forward just over 7 years. I'm forced to work in a Windows environment without my usual git tooling so I see what options I have out there for making life a bit easier. I see SourceTree is still free - maybe I was being too cynical?
Download... install... first thing I see is this shit.
For the same reason I dropped Bitbucket so many years ago, thanks but no thanks. Fuck you Atlassian. Fuck you, fuck your "Atlassian account", and anything you own.
13 -
Uh oh, watch out for the latest security issue in Atlassian products ...
https://confluence.atlassian.com/ji...3 -
Fuck undocumented shit!
I was wondering how to use this one method of the "interface". Googled the name of the program and the specific method.
Got two results.
From the same page.
It's a comment complaining that this shit is undocumented and doesn't work.
If you build something that others use, please, motherfucking please, document your code.
At least some auto generated javadoc, how hard can it be?
You are using the atlassian suite for everything and you have confluence so use it already! The only documentation that actually exists it about a hundred years old, totally useless and covers about 1% of what your product can do.
I like your product but fuck me sideways your documentation sucks balls! Fuck!
That needed to get out. -
Spent like half an hour messing with our web app code crashing on a cryptic error just to discover that a Chrome extension released a buggy version (automatically installed, of course) which crashes all pages using it (there are even some big pages in production being affected like something from atlassian).
Great, just wonderful job guys... -
I just got directly offered to work as a front end tech lead in a company that is partner with Atlassian, but I'm kinda confused because I don't meet the requirements for the job (such as 8 years of experience as a dev). Has this ever happened to you?4
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So they asked if we want a wallboard or not and we answered with a NO. As you already guessed we still got a wall mounted LG TV with a small linux box.
So I started to tinker with the wallboard and created a horrible python -> HTML5/JS stuff which crawls the data worth to show and creates static pages with html5 canvas for graphs.
Later I found atlasboard which is a discontinuated dashboard from Atlassian so started to learn nodejs and rebuilt and added new widgets to show our smoketests, our mssql server metrics from zabbix, our sprint from Jira and some other servers' status.
Then I created the essential metrics again but in Vice C64 emu, I collected and exported the data in python created a PETSCII compatible .prg file and the **** Dasboard 64 **** loaded and created graphs in the emu every minutes.
That was awesome! BASIC V2 is slow as hell but still awesome.3 -
So I wanted to use aws-localstack and it's ok I guess. Except who built these docker containers? Ever heard of SRP? A single-monolithic container with all services inside, glued together with python and makefiles, using non-standard ports, and on top of that it's hard to configure.
Who wrote this garbage? Atlassian. Oh. That makes perfect sense.
Fuck this, I'm gonna write my own localstack. What do you guys think of this?
http://github.com/christhomas/...2 -
Atlassian truly know its way to use marketing euphemisms in such a way that it feels like a slap in my face and kick into my groins.
The next time my app crashes and people come running to me that they cannot used it at all, I will simply state that I am looking into reports of people seemingly experiencing "degraded performance".
At least they are consistent, as they did that as well in the past with their [minor glitch](https://devrant.com/rants/922343/...) thing.1 -
Is there any alternatives to Atlassian's Confluence and Jira?
We used to use GitHub projects and wiki, but "the business" wanted a more formalised process and access controls on kanban boards and backlogs.
We started using Jira and Confluence last month, but Jira have been incredibly slow with a horrible interface also Everytime I create a new issue it feels like I'm wasting a lot of time compared to the time needed to setup an issue on GH and add it to a project board, plus the entire team is used to using markdown which doesn't work great on Jira.
I've looked for some alternative but I wonder what you are using out there!5 -
atlassian confluence you sack of shit I make a page/document, you tell me one of the images is broken after saving
well fuck, how the fuck does this shit happen?
I assume you make oodles of cash from all the fucking companies who use your products and apparently there's no competitors with the level of integration from all the garbage of confluence, jira, bitbucket etc. At this rate maybe you can outdo Gamefreak in terms of ratio of profit to incompetence/laziness.
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Why isn't Gooogle buying Atlassian to stock up G Suite with Wiki and Slack, then piss off Microsoft and win the Market over with better products?
Im reading everywhere now that MS Teams has the hugest Userbase and so much features to come bla bla bla
Fuck MS Teams, it's shit, looks like it and it's software so I can't smell it. Thank god for that, else it would smell like the afterback of a diaarhetic horse.
Every fucking Tecnician at my company is arguing, that MS Teams is better, because more users are active. WTF Poopface, they have more user, because it comes included with O365???
Our people are so stupid, I bet they won the IT Certification in a Lottery or flew to Turkey to buy it at a Bazaar.
And who the fuck are the Product Managers at Google, gonna hit them a couple of times with a broom to wake up. You fucktards are missing a huge market.7 -
I was trying to setup a Confluence install on my root behind a Apache Proxy..
I tried all the Atlassian Configs, my own Configs, but nothing works for Tomcat. I redirects you to the infinities of universe. My Apache Configs are all correct.
If you access Confluence directly it also works.
Tomcat you Ass start playing nice with the proxy fucker!
I hate Tomcat now. Go die!2 -
Jira really fuckin gets on my nerves a lot. It has so many features, but fuck do those features behave strangely. It's like if you reorder that card on me one more god damned time, I will feed your fuckin testicles to you.1
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Digital transformation is pain in the ass, my customer migrated project management from self hosted jira to atlassian cloud.
Results:
I am finally able to login to this new amazing jira that looks completely different but still nothing is optimized to laptop screen so looks crap as before.
My issues are now assigned to not existing user.
At least I remember how to use basic JQL and reassign issues to me.
I feel bad to other team members.
Great waste of time.7 -
What do you use for performance monitoring on your infrastructure?
My company uses zabbix, OpenNMS and Nagios to monitor different parts of our infrastructure (from shared web hosting to OCCAS to IPTV to FutureVoice to Atlassian servers) but has no real-time performance checks.
I’ve set netdata master with prometheus backlog and grafana dashboards to monitor different metrics, however I am not sure whether any better approach could be done. Any suggestions?2 -
Have you guys had any trouble trying to get the BAs to use JIRA for issue reporting/management? The dev team just upgraded to new JIRA and we are getting hard pushback... they're wanting to stick with 1-4 excel spreadsheets on a share drive...3
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What the hell am I!? I wonder if you guys can help me...
I've been programming most of my life but I've never actually been a developer by title or job role. I thought maybe if I list what I do and have done someone here could help? I'm sure there are more of you in a similar boat.
- C# and VB dev for some quick DBMS projects to help me understand and mine databases and create a nice simple view for project teams to show findings from the data to help make certain decisions.
- Automating a lot of my colleagues work with Python and if very restricted then just VBA macros in Excel and MSP. This did also include creating tools to gather data during workshops and converting the data for input into other systems.
- Brought Linux to the office with most team members now moving over to Linux with the peace of mind to know that though they do need to try solve their own problems, I can help if need be.
- Had to learn AWS and then implement an autoscaling and load balanced data center installation of a few Atlassian toolsets.
- Creating the architecture diagrams documentation needed for things like the above point.
- Having said that, also have ended up setting up all the Jira/Confluence etc. servers we use and have implemented so far whether cloud (Azure/AWS) or on prem and set up scripts to automate where possible.
- Implemented an automated workflow view in SharePoint based on SP list data and though in an ASPX page, primarily built in JS.
- Building test systems in PHP/JS with Laravel and Angular to help manage integration between systems. Having quite a time right looking into how to build middleware to connect between SOAP and REST API's, the trouble caused more by the systems and their reliance on frameworks we're trying to cut out of the picture.
- Working on BI and MI and training a team to help on the report creation so that I can do the fun creative stuff and then set them to work on the detail :)
Actually it seems safe to say that it seems that though I've finally moved into a dev office (beforehand being the only developer around) I seem to be the one they go to when a strategic solution is needed ASAP and the normal processes can't be followed (fun for someone with a CompSci degree and a number of project management courses under the belt... though I honestly do enjoy the challenges)
But I always end up Jack of all but master of, well hopefully some at least. let's not even get started on the tech related hobbies from circuit design and IoT to Andoid / iOS and game dev and enjoying a bit of pen testing to make sure we're all safe at work and at home.
As much as I don't like boxes, I'm interested to know if there is in fact a box for me? By the way, the above is just a snapshot of my last two years minus the project management work...2 -
Submenu Boards doesn't show in Firefox 45.5.0 when viewing a single issue. This is really frustrating as I can't move quickly between the sprint board and a specific issue. What also sucks about jira is that there is no way to report bugs like this (perhaps Atlassian sincerely believe that they never have any bugs in their products), leaving devrant as the only resort to let out steam ;)
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So I just spent 8 hours migrating our git projects from bitbucket to gitlab because SOMEONE thought backups were being done nightly without ever actually checking. Of course the only backups to be found were well over a year old and the fucking bit bucket licence expired ao migration was entirely fucking manual... CHECK YOUR FUCKING BACKUPS, FUUUCCCCKKK!!!!! At least have the common courtesy of putting something in place to report on failing backup procedures.
Oh and another thing: FUCK YOU ATLASSIAN! RIGHT UP THE ASSE WITH A RUSTY, RABIES RIDDEN, AIDS INDUCING PITCHFORK SIDEWAYS! Who the flying fuck names their repos numbers? Thanks for nothing you mind numbingly incompotent apes...
On a cheerier note, how's everyones day been?2 -
bitbucket you slow fucking sack of shit, we've confirmed with our remote team members that other people on other networks have it slow as shit too
I really wish we could convince our team to migrate to gitlab or github instead
can't tell if it failed to find the pull request associated with certain commits because it's slow a shit, shit (because it's atlassian bitbucket) or both
there is the small chance that maybe it's just the shit telecom industry in this country too on top of it, but things were acceptable before -
I created a bitbucket account because someone said it was better than github or gitlab but I ended up not using the account. I wanted to delete the account and was looking for a way. I sent them an email on 11th july saying I want to delete the account. They confirmed right away asking me to do some bleh bleh bleh (step 1 out of infinity). it's been more than a fucking month of sending and receiving emails and guess what, the account is still there.
please atlassian, I understand I shouldn't have created that account. I just want it gone. just delete it already. how hard is it?
and they say it's because of GDPR. didn't I give you my consent?1 -
I *hate* cmd+z in Atlassian Wikis… it removes text that was written ages ago… and you never get it back… no matter how many times you press cmd+shift+z or cmd+y… 😡
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Screw you bamboo. Everything would be so much easier with Jenkins but this company already bought the full atlassian stack
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I would rather give up coffee than use Confluence for tech docs. And I love my coffee.
Also, shameless self promotion gh:rocadocs/rocadocs
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