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Confluence is good they said
Confluence is awesome they said
Confluence is cloud based and fucking great...
Confluence is starting to lag like it's the 1990's and my keyboard strokes are taking seconds, literal seconds to catch up..
KEYBOARD LAG!! in 2020!!! fuck this JS bullshit.
12 -
Fucking Jira!
You fucking piece of fucking shit. You're about as useful as a nacho cheese enema.
Fuck Atlassian, fuck Jira, fuck fuck fuck fuck!13 -
TFW your client's git policies are so draconian that the dev teams use "develop" as trunk, and completely ignore the release process.
I wrote up 50 pages of git standards, documentation and procedure for a client. Bad indian director 9000 decides the admin (also Indian) who specializes in Clearcase and has no git or development experience is more qualified to decide and let's him set the policy.
FF to today:
- documentation, mostly contradictory, is copy pasted from the atlassian wiki
- source tree is the standard
- no force pushing of any branches, including work branches
- no ff-merge
- no rebasing allowed
- no ssh, because he couldn't figure it out...errr it's "insecure"
- all repos have random abbreviated names that are unintelligible
- gitflow, but with pull requests and no trust
- only project managers can delete a branch
- long lived feature branches
- only projects managers can conduct code reviews
- hotfixes must be based off develop
- hotfixes must go in the normal release cycle
- releases involve creating a ticket to have an admin create a release branch from your branch, creating a second ticket to stage the PR, a third ticket to review the PR (because only admins can approve release PRs), and a fourth ticket to merge it in
- rollbacks require director signoff
- at the end of each project the repo must be handed to the admin on a burned CD for "archiving"
And so no one actually uses the official release process, and just does releases out of dev. If you're wondering if IBM sucks, the answer is more than you can possibly imagine.11 -
Contenders for arseholes this week
- Elasticsearch as their implemented product identification and integration in client libraries like Python to exclude OpenSearch made a lot of things very painful. Yay....
- Microsoft decided to integrate kill switches in Exchange. Yeah.... Great stuff.
- Atlassian has another week of dumbness - after they botch release after release, they killed Slack with DNS
- Adoptium still hasn't managed to provide repositories after fucking up it's transition from AdoptOpenJDK
- No, a project with JDK 8 makes no sense anymore, take that shit and burn it. JDK 11 the same, would be great if we had a Repository working for JDK 17 Adoptium....
- unwanking a TLS setup by integrating an intermediary load balancer to deal with several outdated TLS implementation is a kind of thing that's really scary...
(TLS 1.3 in, TLS 1.1 - TLS 1.3 out... Theoretically all solutions have TLS 1.2… most of them non working. Solutions is a wild bunch from different vendors)
- If you buy a fucking new Apple with an Arm Chipset, ram it up so far up your arse it gets dissolved in stomach acid.
It's an arm. There's tons of compatibility problems of course. No you shouldn't listen to what the marketing says. No I cannot shit rainbows and make it work.
- German election. No politics I know, but still.
- New neighbors decided to move in. Friendly person's. Except I wanted to murder them since they choose 22 o clock for moving time.
- I forgot putting the heater on. Ever woken up frozen like fuck and having a hard week... It's a good combo to break any form of motivation.
The company next to me is renovating. Waking up to the feeling of an earth quake because they demolish their old building is another thing that makes me unhappy.
It's Friday. I survived.17 -
Dear Atlassian Support,
In my life I had a lot of experiences...
But your software manages to replace all these experiences with a unique feeling of depression, hatred, anger... Only negative emotions.
Not once have I said anything good about your software - not once in > 5 years.
Whenever your chum bucket of mismanagement and misanthropy stops working, it's never the fault of the end user, the administrator or someone else.
It's entirely your fault.
Fucked up upgrades, lack of documentation, catastrophic handling of logging, lack of support of current database systems, lack of proper migration and clean up of plugins, ....
I could go on. But it's really just and endless tirade.
I wish I could stop management for even giving you money for the pile of poo you call software, but sadly they don't listen.
But there's hope on the horizon.
Thanks for making people go cloud only.
No one wants that.
It would mean entrusting that pile of poo to the craptastic hands of your irresponsible people.
No one really wants that.
Not even management who blindly paid the license fees all the times.
Thank you for your cloud only movement.
Maybe we can finally find an alternative and I can finally start a therapy for the PTSD I have thx to your software.3 -
Employer:"Have you tried JIRA before?"
Me: "I know JIRA, it came from a company called 'Atlassian'. I was interested in their product, but it says that it has 30 days trial. So I didn't have a chance to use it."
After a month..
"Our JIRA is pirated, we will use it in our internal servers"..
Me: (I thought this company got an enterprise product of JIRA).8 -
Now I am starting to understand the frustration of senior developers and their issues with management.
For the first two years of my career, I was a dev and a team lead, and all worked fine. In some situations, I did get frustrated and thought that was horrible.
But damn! Today I am having a 1 hour session at lunch time (said mandatory participation) with an "Atlassian Platinum Solutions Partner" on "Minimum Variable Bureaucracy".
I'm halfway down, and halfway dead. Just send me an email and I'm happy.
4 -
When you add a new team member and have to upgrade the numbers of users for your Atlassian products...
2 -
Working with atlassian products....
Possibility 1
You can either use exactly this one way and only with these specific instructions ...
Which will certainly not work for the project you have.
Possibility 2
There is an feature request which gets ignored for years, someone made a plugin...
But plugin was removed as inactive. :-)
Possibility 3
Atlassian provided in their endless graciousness a plugin.
After hours of deciphering Kotlin / Java code as the documentation is either useless or lacking details...
You did it. You got the REST shit working.
Well.
You just needed a script which wraps the underlying command, parses the commands well defined format like XML with specification.... To a completely gobbled up JSON, that looks like undecipherable shit.
I really hate Atlassian.
https://bitbucket.org/atlassian/...
I just wanted to add code coverage via the REST API by the way.
A really unnecessary and seldomly used future as it seems.
And yeah... The JSON contains a coverage element which contains a semicolon separated key value store, value being a comma separated list of line numbers....
4 -
I think that two criterias are important:
- don't block my productivity
- author should have his userbase in mind
1) Some simple anti examples:
- Windows popping up a big fat blue screen screaming for updates. Like... Go suck some donkey balls you stupid shit that's totally irritating you arsehole.
- Graphical tools having no UI concept. E.g. Adobes PDF reader - which was minimalized in it's UI and it became just unbearable pain. When the concept is to castrate the user in it's abilities and call the concept intuitive, it's not a concept it's shit. Other examples are e.g. GEdit - which was severely massacred in Gnome 3 if I remember correctly (never touched Gnome ever again. I was really put off because their concept just alienated me)
- Having an UI concept but no consistency. Eg. looking at a lot of large web apps, especially Atlassian software.
Too many times I had e.g. a simple HTML form. In menu 1 you could use enter. In menu 2 Enter does not work. in another menu Enter works, but it doesn't submit the form it instead submits the whole page... Which can end in clusterfuck.
Yaaayyyy.
- Keyboard usage not possible at all.
It becomes a sad majority.... Pressing tab, not switching between form fields. Looking for keyboard shortcuts, not finding any. Yes, it's a graphical interface. But the charm of 16 bit interfaces (YES. I'm praising DOS interfaces) was that once you memorized the necessary keyboard strokes... You were faster than lightning. Ever seen e.g. a good pharmacist, receptionist or warehouse clerk... most of the software is completely based on short keyboard strokes, eg. for a receptionist at a doctor for the ICD code / pharmaceutical search et cetera.
- don't poop rainbows. I mean it.
I love colors. When they make sense. but when I use some software, e.g. netdata, I think an epilepsy warning would be fair. Too. Many. Neon. Colors. -.-
2) It should be obvious... But it's become a burden.
E.g. when asked for a release as there were some fixes... Don't point to the install from master script. Maybe you like it rolling release style - but don't enforce it please. It's hard to use SHA256 hash as a version number and shortening the hash might be a bad idea.
Don't start experiments. If it works - don't throw everything over board without good reasons. E.g. my previous example of GEdit: Turning a valuable text editor into a minimalistic unusable piece of crap and calling it a genius idea for the sake of simplicity... Nope. You murdered a successful product.
Gnome 3 felt like a complete experiment and judging from the last years of changes in the news it was an rather unsuccessful one... As they gave up quite a few of their ideas.
When doing design stuff or other big changes make it a community event or at least put a poll up on the github page. Even If it's an small user base, listen to them instead of just randomly fucking them over.
--
One of my favorite projects is a texteditor called Kate from KDE.
It has a ton of features, could even be seen as a small IDE. The reason I love it because one of the original authors still cares for his creation and ... It never failed me. I use Kate since over 20 years now I think... Oo
Another example is the git cli. It's simple and yet powerful. git add -i is e.g. a thing I really really really love. (memorize the keyboard shortcuts and you'll chunk up large commits faster than flash.
Curl. Yes. The (http) download tool. It's author still cares. It's another tool I use since 20 years. And it has given me a deep insight of how HTTP worked, new protocols and again. It never failed me. It is such a fucking versatile thing. TLS debugging / performance measurements / what the frigging fuck is going on here. Take curl. Find it out.
My worst enemies....
Git based clients. I just hate them. Mostly because they fill the niche of explaining things (good) but completely nuke the learning of git (very bad). You can do any git action without understanding what you do and even worse... They encourage bad workflows.
I've seen great devs completely fucking up git and crying because they had really no fucking clue what git actually does. The UI lead them on the worst and darkest path imaginable. :(
Atlassian products. On the one hand... They're not total shit. But the mass of bugs and the complete lack of interest of Atlassian towards their customers and the cloud movement.... Ouch. Just ouch.
I had to deal with a lot of completely borked up instances and could trace it back to a bug tracking entry / atlassian, 2 - 3 years old with the comment: vote for this, we'll work on a Bugfix. Go fuck yourself you pisswads.
Microsoft Office / Windows. Oh boy.
I could fill entire days of monologues.
It's bad, hmkay?
XEN.
This is not bad.
This is more like kill it before it lays eggs.
The deeper I got into XEN, the more I wanted to lay in a bathtub full of acid to scrub of the feelings of shame... How could anyone call this good?!?????4 -
I hate silicon valley.
They enable so much of the state's and federal government's bullshit, the corporations and the banks subversion and destruction of society.
It's time to pop their fucking tech bubble.
From here on out, any time you hear or read the words 'startup', be sure to comment with "you mean speculative marketing investments?"
Because most tech runs on shit-tier semi-polished iterations of glorified CRUD anyway, thats all most of it is. And it 100% relies on grabbing network share through massive advertising and presence campaigns. A lot of vc money is being flushed straight down the toilet and this is a point to emphasize. Crash the fucking tech sector. Do it.
It'll have a knock on effect to the advertising space, which will put the hurt on google's bottom line when they and their ilk are already under pressure for all the poisonous, monopolist shit they pull like helping china build their surveillance tech.
Extra points for emphasizing "pot-fueled ideas sketched out on napkins while sitting in fucking chipotle, in unwashed sweater vests, originated by guys who are fresh out of college and never ran a business in their life. 90% of them fail in the first year. VCs and investor are losing their shirts." etc.
The entire dishonest fucking trade relies on other people's money, being bought out in either techno land-grabs or turf-protection e.x. atlassian acquiring trello, a **glorified todo app**.
Thats the business model. Hell go build your own and make a buck.
Build your own. Build something better and most of all... *fuck silicon valley*.
Let it burn, let burn, let it burn.10 -
Finally, proof that both Avast and Atlassian are shit...
It’s taken how many decades to figure out that Atlassian is nothing more than a well disguised virus.
23 -
Big-time Microsoft fan who claims they've been using licensed versions of Windows since Windows 3.0. Still has all old versions of Windows on different machines / hard-disks. They use only Microsoft Surface devices. They still use Nokia Lumia (with Windows Phone 10). They were working with an organization that used Office365 for enterprise email and collaboration. They used Microsoft Teams for team collaboration when the rest of the organization was comfortable with Atlassian tools like jira, confluence and bitbucket.
One fine day, news spreads that the organization is moving into GSuite for enterprise email and collaboration. They are devastated. They quit citing personal and family reasons, but we knew the real reason.16 -
When you know the day will be great if there is two sticker batches sitting in your maibox.
Special thanks to Atlassian Statuspage and whatismybrowser.com for sending these awesome looking stickers!
4 -
Atlasssian Bitbucket has broken umlauts since version 8.0 ...
https://jira.atlassian.com/browse/...
Ladies and gentleman,
it's the year 2022.
In the internet, dat "Neuland" as Mama Merkel used to say, Atlassian managed to revert back to the good old times of ASCII.
Who needs proper multibyte charset support anyway?
Just display broken shit - as broken as the quality management of that misanthropic chum bucket company called Atlassian.
Oh and the last upgrade to Confluence broke, too.
Was just very needed because of an remote code execution.
Cause you know the usual deal. Oops zero exploit, let's make it public, telling our customers that in cloud their data is safe, otherwise they need to shut off their instances or pray that they have a WAF that can filter strings...
What broke you might ask?
Unique constraint in database, the migration wizard loved to add few extra rows, solution was to fry the rows while instance running, followed by immediate cache drop, otherwise fun started again.
I hate Atlassian.4 -
One of our clients asked us to Integrate their projects with Jira, so I got this funny email from atlassian.
1 -
Why the hell does enterprise software get away with not having basic, logical, functionality?!
A hierarchical page structure should allow you to name multiple pages the same as long as they're under different parents.
Every FREE documentation platform understands this, yet atlassian fucking confluence can't figure it out.2 -
All tech department was really happy when we used Github Projects - managing a project was concise and organised. We loved it.
Then one day, product pushed us all to switch to the fuckin' conglomerate mess called Jira (fuck you Atlassian), which we still hate. So cumbersome, so much unimportant crap features, unintuitive interface, slow .... yes, fuck you Jira, again.7 -
I was never a big fan of Github to be used within a company. So about 3 years ago where I used to work I implemented all the tools from Atlassian. Like litteraly all of them. And first I was stunned of the possibilities I had with Jira, Confluence, Bamboo and Bitbucket! But while self-hosting all thoose services you always felt, that Atlassian just bought all thoose companies and "threw them together"
BUT with newest features of Gitlab, I think they outperformed everyone! I absolutely love what they offer, even as a free service. They integrate all features in one product where you would otherwise relay on different products.
Whats important to you when it comes to VCS?3 -
Yet another rant on cooperate world
The other day my colleague was telling me that he was with very senior architect (so called architect, who keeps on changing things on the fly) and when my colleague was telling that he doesn't have resources to work with, this senior architect opened up stash (Atlassian Git) and opened up profiles with names and was looking at commits in the git...and said "this guy doesn't have commits for long time...he is free"
WTF.... 0 0 -
I administer Atlassian stack instance (among zillion other things, of course). Once I've got an issue about login problem:
"I can login to Confluence, but not to Jira, could you help me?"
Looking into projects configuration, into user's permission groups in Crowd (both apps are connected, it will be important in a moment)... Everything looks good. Wtf?
Suddenly, I've got this idea:
"What username do you use in Jira?"
"My username."
"What about Confluence login?"
"My email."
Realization in 3... 2... 1...
Wait for it...
Just a little more tension...
"Nevermind, thank you!"
Remember, guys, always give them a chance. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best. And I wish you all only such issues! :-D -
It's amazing how much you learn about a system when you are somewhat forced to administer it. #iKnowAllTheAtlassianShit
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The feeling of dread as still a semi-junior sysadmin when an app doesn't work after an update.
I got stressed, triple-checked everything that I changed and that I followed all steps of the documentation of the upgrade process, then, as a last step before going over in half-panic mode to my boss, I try to restart the stupid java app and it starts working.
Wtf. Why. Why didn't it work the first time I started it? D: -
It's kinda calming to find out that the atlassian-guys themselves don't know very good about their stuff either
3 -
Atlassian bitbucket you sad sorry piece of shit. I can see an old coworker's PR in the list but you won't accept it as a valid search target under the author searchbox, but even older ex-employees are searchable. What the flying fuck, go out of business.
And fuck you for JIRA as well. -
At my previous company, we used tools from all over the place. We switched between tools at will. Sometimes, some team would decide to use some tool while the rest of the company would use something else. The worst part was that there was no Single-Sign-On (SSO) either. Everyone would need to have an account on all of these said tools. It was chaos.
I realized that being integrated into one environment (even though would have the cost of a vendor-lock-in) was the best option to have because in that case, we wouldn't have to deal with operational hurdles like having integration from one tool to another. They would just come baked-in with the whole environment. That's how GSuite (formerly Google Apps for Work), Atlassian and other players succeeded - they gave a complete suite of services / software that integrated well with each other. You could jump back and forth between services without having to bother about integration with other tools. They'd all be there wherever you wanted them to be. Even cloud providers so that opportunity and built on it - Amazon Web Services (AWS), Google Cloud Platform (GCP), Kubernetes (in itself).
Another example is a company that used Jira, Confluence and Hipchat but for some dumb reason used Gerrit for their code review / hosting. Eventually, they realized that managing the integration with the Atlassian tools was far more expensive than getting bitbucket and migrating completely into the Atlassian environment.
It's always the integration that matters. Everything else is secondary. -
Company after years finally moves away from the ages old and buggy chat infrastructure to use HipChat, which gets adopted quickly and is loved by everyone...
Now Atlassian announces to discontinue HipChat. ;( *sadpanda*
At least we might be able to move to Slack now. :)1 -
I just realized something. So my company's whole release process and code management now run on mainstream tech products: Atlassian, Jetbrains, IBM and not in house/vendor crap1
-
Todays "WTF Bitbucket?"
You can mark a PR with "Requesting changes" even if it was already merged but you haven't refreshed your page.
The whole PR page is loaded with a dozen independent requests but you cannot reload a single "widget" (e.g. Activity) without refreshing the page.
And then you do an API request "mark PR with request for changes" and the server accepts that, even if the PR is merged. Why? Nobody looks at a merged PR with Requested changes. You would expect a warning "cannot mark request changes, PR already merged" but no, Atlassian fucked up here again.
The new "PR experience" is shit. Just loading everything in a separate request does help nothing if I still have to reload the page to get an updated PR view.4 -
Atlassian needs improvement!
Screenshot from the Jira "Accessibility" settings page where I hoped to find a dark mode switch.
When I wanted to send them feedback about the settings page, the feedback form failed, cluttering vintage style error messages with poor UX writing all over the page.
> Help us improve!
>
> We’d love to hear more about your experience with the new accessibility settings in Jira. Any thoughts on what you liked and where we could improve are more than welcome.
> Oops! Something went wrong...
>
> There was a problem submitting your feedback, likely due to the configuration of this form. You might want to contact the site owner to let them know about this issue.
P.S. Thinking of accessibility: there is not way to enter an ALT text to image uploads on devrant? seriously?
6 -
Project Lead: The DevOps department just got a GitLab instance installed on our internal network. We're gradually going to move all our projects onto it and move away from BitBucket and Jenkins really soon.
Me: Awesome!
Project Lead: We're still using JIRA and Confluence for issue tracking and documentation though because the higher ups said so.
Me:
1 -
To give my own old rant here a bit more background:
https://devrant.com/rants/5319171/...
Cloud solutions offline for some customers, a bit longer than a week...
https://theregister.com/2022/04/...
Bamboo release fucked up...
https://jira.atlassian.com/browse/...
They've withdrawn the new release 8.2.0 and instead went for 8.2.1 ...
Well just because you had to give everyone admin rights in an minor release as they fucked up permissions, who cares. -
OK.
I'm somehow beaten.
I took a look at Bamboo today because I will later inherit it.
And ... I just can't make sense of it.
I've tried googling, but I'm kinda lost because most stuff I find is half baked or not "complex" enough - as in missing things we do.
The whole UI just leaves me with WTFs.... Honestly, if anyone has good resources I'd be pretty thankful.
I tried today 4 - 5 hours to make sense of it...
But it all leaves me with the gut feeling that Bamboo is either for automatic deployment only ...
Or manual with a ton of duplicated stuff.
Both conclusions feel completely wrong to me ...
*cries*7 -
im just gonna say it now and I may be mistaken but: I think airtable might one day supplant atlassians offerings.
1. simpler
2. sufficiently flexible, balabcing power and complexitly
3. low learning curve for the pay off.3 -
Uh oh, watch out for the latest security issue in Atlassian products ...
https://confluence.atlassian.com/ji...3 -
50 build minutes per month? what is this, 1990? it's not like atlassian is scraping around for money either....
sheesh
and the rich get richer...
WELCOME CIRCLE CI! (almost TOO generous in my opinion)
4 -
I stopped using SourceTree as soon as Atlassian got their dirty paws on them because I knew they wouldn't be able to resist ruining it.
Fast forward just over 7 years. I'm forced to work in a Windows environment without my usual git tooling so I see what options I have out there for making life a bit easier. I see SourceTree is still free - maybe I was being too cynical?
Download... install... first thing I see is this shit.
For the same reason I dropped Bitbucket so many years ago, thanks but no thanks. Fuck you Atlassian. Fuck you, fuck your "Atlassian account", and anything you own.
13 -
I am the responsible for the atlassian Suite at work, as I maintain the systems, set them up, and stuff.
One day, our crowd (the authentication and authorization application) just went crazy. At like lunch time it could not connect to the AD anymore. No reasons. Throwing XSRF errors (cross site scripting), because http would connect to https. "won't do it, fuck you" it told me. Out of the blue. Noone changed anything. And yea, seriously. Noone did.
It just refused to connect (as connecting to AD is connecting yourself with you own api. And refusing yourself talking to yourself). It runs behind a proxy. Therefore http/https. Well, this worked for years. But out of sudden not anymore.
Yea. Fuck you.
It was reported some hours later, at like 3pm, as people could not login to the applications using crowd as authentication and authorization server.
Tried to debug the system, where nothing was did, to make it work. At best time to fail.
First workaround: if you are logged into one of the other applications of atlassian, just refresh the site, so your SSO token gets a refresh and you are signed on again.
Then I searched more and more. And more.
But nothing worked, nothing helped.
So I addressed an emergency maintenance, take down the whole Suite, restart crowd, to apply some changes to it's settings, not knowing what happening then, because all connections of SSO will then be released. Sent out the mail like 30 minutes beforehands.
While waiting for the window, I just typed my credentials... And redid, and redid, so to type and being bored.
Three minutes before the window...
It just worked again.
Well. Wtf. Serioudl
Just came back.
No Intrusion, no changes at all. Just came back, as nothing has happened.
Kind of best part of this story... A headhunter messaged me on my way home to offer me a job as an Atlassian Suite SysAdmin for a company, at kinda the double of my salary.
At first I was thinking to go there, and when someone then asked me sth about Atlassian just start to laugh and then leave still laughing...
But then I very nicely respond that I dont want to cry at work. And wished him best luck.
I am doing some bad upgrades now on our Suite. Very painful.
And I looked into the start scripts. Some Look like the untalented intern tells another one to write scripts. Seriously wtf.
Today I followed the guide to Update a confluence and change database to Postgres. Didnt work, Postgres error.
Try it again, jquery won't load. Next try, tomcat not starting anymore. Did same thing. Every fucking time.
Yea. Maintenance window to get a nice new export soon. Will only take an hour.
To switch database in confluence, you need to set it up very fresh. And then Import your export.
Export takes an hour at our system.
Importing maybe the same time. Hope it will work (hint: Nope).
Oh, can be nice also. Just tell the Bitbucket to migrate databases, there is a fucking setting for it. Enter new database, ready, go, finished.
At least they don't raise costs very much every kinda year.
Oh sorry, yes, they do.4 -
So I wanted to use aws-localstack and it's ok I guess. Except who built these docker containers? Ever heard of SRP? A single-monolithic container with all services inside, glued together with python and makefiles, using non-standard ports, and on top of that it's hard to configure.
Who wrote this garbage? Atlassian. Oh. That makes perfect sense.
Fuck this, I'm gonna write my own localstack. What do you guys think of this?
http://github.com/christhomas/...2 -
Is there any alternatives to Atlassian's Confluence and Jira?
We used to use GitHub projects and wiki, but "the business" wanted a more formalised process and access controls on kanban boards and backlogs.
We started using Jira and Confluence last month, but Jira have been incredibly slow with a horrible interface also Everytime I create a new issue it feels like I'm wasting a lot of time compared to the time needed to setup an issue on GH and add it to a project board, plus the entire team is used to using markdown which doesn't work great on Jira.
I've looked for some alternative but I wonder what you are using out there!5 -
Fuck undocumented shit!
I was wondering how to use this one method of the "interface". Googled the name of the program and the specific method.
Got two results.
From the same page.
It's a comment complaining that this shit is undocumented and doesn't work.
If you build something that others use, please, motherfucking please, document your code.
At least some auto generated javadoc, how hard can it be?
You are using the atlassian suite for everything and you have confluence so use it already! The only documentation that actually exists it about a hundred years old, totally useless and covers about 1% of what your product can do.
I like your product but fuck me sideways your documentation sucks balls! Fuck!
That needed to get out. -
So they asked if we want a wallboard or not and we answered with a NO. As you already guessed we still got a wall mounted LG TV with a small linux box.
So I started to tinker with the wallboard and created a horrible python -> HTML5/JS stuff which crawls the data worth to show and creates static pages with html5 canvas for graphs.
Later I found atlasboard which is a discontinuated dashboard from Atlassian so started to learn nodejs and rebuilt and added new widgets to show our smoketests, our mssql server metrics from zabbix, our sprint from Jira and some other servers' status.
Then I created the essential metrics again but in Vice C64 emu, I collected and exported the data in python created a PETSCII compatible .prg file and the **** Dasboard 64 **** loaded and created graphs in the emu every minutes.
That was awesome! BASIC V2 is slow as hell but still awesome.3 -
Spent like half an hour messing with our web app code crashing on a cryptic error just to discover that a Chrome extension released a buggy version (automatically installed, of course) which crashes all pages using it (there are even some big pages in production being affected like something from atlassian).
Great, just wonderful job guys... -
Atlassian truly know its way to use marketing euphemisms in such a way that it feels like a slap in my face and kick into my groins.
The next time my app crashes and people come running to me that they cannot used it at all, I will simply state that I am looking into reports of people seemingly experiencing "degraded performance".
At least they are consistent, as they did that as well in the past with their [minor glitch](https://devrant.com/rants/922343/...) thing.1 -
Digital transformation is pain in the ass, my customer migrated project management from self hosted jira to atlassian cloud.
Results:
I am finally able to login to this new amazing jira that looks completely different but still nothing is optimized to laptop screen so looks crap as before.
My issues are now assigned to not existing user.
At least I remember how to use basic JQL and reassign issues to me.
I feel bad to other team members.
Great waste of time.7 -
I just got directly offered to work as a front end tech lead in a company that is partner with Atlassian, but I'm kinda confused because I don't meet the requirements for the job (such as 8 years of experience as a dev). Has this ever happened to you?4
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How's the culture detoriating in different companies? I'm looking for a switch and trying to figure out which companies should I go to.
I can speak for Atlassian, it's going down the shit hole.3 -
Have you guys had any trouble trying to get the BAs to use JIRA for issue reporting/management? The dev team just upgraded to new JIRA and we are getting hard pushback... they're wanting to stick with 1-4 excel spreadsheets on a share drive...3
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Why isn't Gooogle buying Atlassian to stock up G Suite with Wiki and Slack, then piss off Microsoft and win the Market over with better products?
Im reading everywhere now that MS Teams has the hugest Userbase and so much features to come bla bla bla
Fuck MS Teams, it's shit, looks like it and it's software so I can't smell it. Thank god for that, else it would smell like the afterback of a diaarhetic horse.
Every fucking Tecnician at my company is arguing, that MS Teams is better, because more users are active. WTF Poopface, they have more user, because it comes included with O365???
Our people are so stupid, I bet they won the IT Certification in a Lottery or flew to Turkey to buy it at a Bazaar.
And who the fuck are the Product Managers at Google, gonna hit them a couple of times with a broom to wake up. You fucktards are missing a huge market.7 -
Jira really fuckin gets on my nerves a lot. It has so many features, but fuck do those features behave strangely. It's like if you reorder that card on me one more god damned time, I will feed your fuckin testicles to you.1
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I was trying to setup a Confluence install on my root behind a Apache Proxy..
I tried all the Atlassian Configs, my own Configs, but nothing works for Tomcat. I redirects you to the infinities of universe. My Apache Configs are all correct.
If you access Confluence directly it also works.
Tomcat you Ass start playing nice with the proxy fucker!
I hate Tomcat now. Go die!1 -
atlassian confluence you sack of shit I make a page/document, you tell me one of the images is broken after saving
well fuck, how the fuck does this shit happen?
I assume you make oodles of cash from all the fucking companies who use your products and apparently there's no competitors with the level of integration from all the garbage of confluence, jira, bitbucket etc. At this rate maybe you can outdo Gamefreak in terms of ratio of profit to incompetence/laziness.
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I logged into BitBucket, opened my repo, and clicked on my Trello board. Why did I have to log into my Trello board? Trello is now connected to your Atlassian account, I got an email about it. It's the same username/password. It exists. They know it does, because they're the ones that told me. Create a token and pass it to Trello for me so that I don't have to log in. It isn't all that difficult. I can hear you now: "What if they have a different Trello account they want to log into because...{reasons}?" Then you can have a handy little "Switch Account" button or something that will log them out, log them into their new account, and display that data. One button push for them, no buttons for the rest of us.2
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What the hell am I!? I wonder if you guys can help me...
I've been programming most of my life but I've never actually been a developer by title or job role. I thought maybe if I list what I do and have done someone here could help? I'm sure there are more of you in a similar boat.
- C# and VB dev for some quick DBMS projects to help me understand and mine databases and create a nice simple view for project teams to show findings from the data to help make certain decisions.
- Automating a lot of my colleagues work with Python and if very restricted then just VBA macros in Excel and MSP. This did also include creating tools to gather data during workshops and converting the data for input into other systems.
- Brought Linux to the office with most team members now moving over to Linux with the peace of mind to know that though they do need to try solve their own problems, I can help if need be.
- Had to learn AWS and then implement an autoscaling and load balanced data center installation of a few Atlassian toolsets.
- Creating the architecture diagrams documentation needed for things like the above point.
- Having said that, also have ended up setting up all the Jira/Confluence etc. servers we use and have implemented so far whether cloud (Azure/AWS) or on prem and set up scripts to automate where possible.
- Implemented an automated workflow view in SharePoint based on SP list data and though in an ASPX page, primarily built in JS.
- Building test systems in PHP/JS with Laravel and Angular to help manage integration between systems. Having quite a time right looking into how to build middleware to connect between SOAP and REST API's, the trouble caused more by the systems and their reliance on frameworks we're trying to cut out of the picture.
- Working on BI and MI and training a team to help on the report creation so that I can do the fun creative stuff and then set them to work on the detail :)
Actually it seems safe to say that it seems that though I've finally moved into a dev office (beforehand being the only developer around) I seem to be the one they go to when a strategic solution is needed ASAP and the normal processes can't be followed (fun for someone with a CompSci degree and a number of project management courses under the belt... though I honestly do enjoy the challenges)
But I always end up Jack of all but master of, well hopefully some at least. let's not even get started on the tech related hobbies from circuit design and IoT to Andoid / iOS and game dev and enjoying a bit of pen testing to make sure we're all safe at work and at home.
As much as I don't like boxes, I'm interested to know if there is in fact a box for me? By the way, the above is just a snapshot of my last two years minus the project management work...2 -
What do you use for performance monitoring on your infrastructure?
My company uses zabbix, OpenNMS and Nagios to monitor different parts of our infrastructure (from shared web hosting to OCCAS to IPTV to FutureVoice to Atlassian servers) but has no real-time performance checks.
I’ve set netdata master with prometheus backlog and grafana dashboards to monitor different metrics, however I am not sure whether any better approach could be done. Any suggestions?2 -
Submenu Boards doesn't show in Firefox 45.5.0 when viewing a single issue. This is really frustrating as I can't move quickly between the sprint board and a specific issue. What also sucks about jira is that there is no way to report bugs like this (perhaps Atlassian sincerely believe that they never have any bugs in their products), leaving devrant as the only resort to let out steam ;)
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So I just spent 8 hours migrating our git projects from bitbucket to gitlab because SOMEONE thought backups were being done nightly without ever actually checking. Of course the only backups to be found were well over a year old and the fucking bit bucket licence expired ao migration was entirely fucking manual... CHECK YOUR FUCKING BACKUPS, FUUUCCCCKKK!!!!! At least have the common courtesy of putting something in place to report on failing backup procedures.
Oh and another thing: FUCK YOU ATLASSIAN! RIGHT UP THE ASSE WITH A RUSTY, RABIES RIDDEN, AIDS INDUCING PITCHFORK SIDEWAYS! Who the flying fuck names their repos numbers? Thanks for nothing you mind numbingly incompotent apes...
On a cheerier note, how's everyones day been?2 -
bitbucket you slow fucking sack of shit, we've confirmed with our remote team members that other people on other networks have it slow as shit too
I really wish we could convince our team to migrate to gitlab or github instead
can't tell if it failed to find the pull request associated with certain commits because it's slow a shit, shit (because it's atlassian bitbucket) or both
there is the small chance that maybe it's just the shit telecom industry in this country too on top of it, but things were acceptable before -
This is a repost of an original rant posted on a request for "Community Feedback" from Atlassian. You know, Atlassian? Those beloved people behind such products as :
• Thing I Love™
• Other Thing You Used One Time™
• Platform Often Mentioned in Suicide Notes, Probably™*
Now this rant was written in early 2022 while I was working in an Azure Cloud Engineer role that transformed into me being the company's main Sysadmin/Project Manager/Hiring Manager/Network Admin/Graphic Designer.
While trying to simultaneously put out over 9000 fires with one hand, and jangling keys in the face of the Owner/Arsonist with the other, I was also desperately implementing Jira Service Desk. Normally this wouldn't have been as much of a priority as it was, but the software our support team was using had gone past 15 years old, then past extended support, then the lone developer died, then it didn't work on Windows 10, then only functioned thanks to a dev cohort long past creating a keygen....which was now broken. So we needed a solution *now*.
The previous solution was shit of a different tier. The sight of it would make a walking talking anthropomorphised sentient puddle of dogshit (who both eats and produces further dookie derivatives) blush with embarrassment. The CD-ROM/Cereal Box this software came in probably listed features like "Stores Your Customer's First AND (or) Last Name!" or "Windows ME Downgrade Disk Included!" and "NEW: Less(-ish) Genocide(s)"!
Despite this, our brain/fearless leader decided this would be a great time to have me test, implement, deploy, and train everyone up on a new solution that would suck your toes, sound your shaft, and that he hadn't reminded me that I was a lazy sack enough lately.
One day, during preliminary user testing I received an email letting me know that the support team was having issues with a Customer's profile on our new support desk. Thanks to our Owner/Firestarter/Real World Micheal Scott being deep in his latest project (fixing our "All 5 devs quit in the last 12 months and I can't seem to hire any new ones" issue (by buying a ping pong table)), I had a bit of fortuitous time on my hands to investigate this issue. I had spent many hours of overtime working on this project, writing custom integrations and automations, so what I found out was crushing.
Below is the (digitally) physical manifestation of my rage after realising I would have to create / find / deal with a whole new method for support to manage customer contacts.
I'm linking to the original forum thread because you kind of need to have the pictures embedded in said reply to get really inhale the "Jira-Rant" ambiance. The part where I use several consecutive words as anchor links to tickets with other people screaming into the void gets a bit sweet n' savoury too - having those hyperlinks does improve the je ne say what of it all.
bit.ly/JIRANT (Case Sensitive)
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There is some good news at the end of this brown n' squirty rainbow though!
Nice try silly little Jira button, you can't ruin *my* 2022!
• I was able to forget all about Jira a month later when I received a surprise vacation home! (To be there while my Mom passed away).
• Eventually work stress did catch up to me - but my boss thoughtfully gave me a nice long vacation! (By assaulting *while* firing me (for emailing in a vacation request while he was a having a bad (see:normal) day))
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I *hate* cmd+z in Atlassian Wikis… it removes text that was written ages ago… and you never get it back… no matter how many times you press cmd+shift+z or cmd+y… 😡
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Screw you bamboo. Everything would be so much easier with Jenkins but this company already bought the full atlassian stack
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I would rather give up coffee than use Confluence for tech docs. And I love my coffee.
Also, shameless self promotion gh:rocadocs/rocadocs
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