I forgot this app existed, it’s been so long!

!rant
GRUB_INIT_TUNE="300 369 2 329 2 82 1 0 2 82 1 92 1 98 1 0 1 130 1 0 1 123 7"

"Feel Good Inc" - Gorillaz up to the second "feel good"

*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

So, eventually they understood a lot of SO users are assholes. 😁

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

For those of you who are having interviews ... remember this

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Today i enjoyed coding more than i did playing video games.

It was a good feeling!

Lmao 😂
Credits: random Twitter dude

Had a customer on the phone who couldn't figure something out. Wanted to give him instructions so I asked him whether he used mac or windows (getting used to not including Linux in that question). His reply: uhm this has a weird name... do you know elementary os?

Me: you're a Linux user?!
Him: yes, I'm done with windows and mac.

Then i gave him the instructions. Nice twist of the day!

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

University is not there to teach anyone to code. Drops the mic.

Three years into studying software engineering and three quarters of my class have no idea what git is.

But by gosh, can we code the shit out of a tic tac toe game.

EVERYTIME!!

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

Just wrote a Python script to generate me a JSON file.

I forgot the 0th command line argument is the file you're running...

On first test it overwrote itself.

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

pshht 🤫😄

Automating everything is so satisfying.

Me: I mend shoes

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

It's so true that it hurts...

Me learning JavaScript
Step 1 console.log("hello world")
Step 2 change the devrant avatar t shirt to js

Happy Halloween!

LMAO 😂😂😂

I wrote an algorithm which runs in constant time complexity, we can say it runs just O(K).

My company is like:

Boss: How long do you estimate to make a universe?
God: 14 billion years.
Boss: You have 7 days. Please reserve 1 for Q&A.

I hired a woman for senior quality assurance two weeks ago. Impressive resume, great interview, but I was met with some pseudo-sexist puzzled looks in the dev team.

Meeting today. Boss: "Why is the database cluster not working properly?"

Team devs: "We've tried diagnosing the problem, but we can't really find it. It keeps being under high load."

New QA: "It might have something to do with the way you developers write queries".

She pulls up a bunch of code examples with dozens of joins and orderings on unindexed columns, explains that you shouldn't call queries from within looping constructs, that it's smart to limit the data with constraints and aggregations, hints at where to actually place indexes, how not to drag the whole DB to the frontend and process it in VueJS, etc...

New QA: "I've already put the tasks for refactoring the queries in Asana"

I'm grinning, because finally... finally I'm not alone in my crusade anymore.

Boss: "Yeah but that's just that code quality nonsense Bittersweet always keeps nagging about. Why is the database not working? Can't we just add more thingies to the cluster? That would be easier than rewriting the code, right?"

Dev team: "Yes... yes. We could try a few more of these aws rds db.m4.10xlarge thingies. That will solve it."

QA looks pissed off, stands up: "No. These queries... they touch the database in so many places, and so violently, that it has to go to therapy. That's why it's down. It just can't take the abuse anymore. You could add more little brothers and sisters to the equation, but damn that would be cruel right? Not to mention that therapy isn't exactly cheap!"

Dev team looks annoyed at me. My boss looks even more annoyed at me. "You hired this one?"

I keep grinning, and I nod.

"I might have offered her a permanent contract"

My boss hate TOR, and so does many of my colleagues

Today, I am testing their faith in me