Programmer dating problems

Src: r/ProgrammerHumour

Oh yes the timing is impeccable

I thought the duck can help, but instead it pooped on my laptop

3 types of beginner programmers. Everyone has gone from this stage.

Changed my repo name to titanic.

Now it's syncing...
Syncing...
Syncing...
Syncing....

When you're a geek and u love Memes

Website design philosophies:

Apple: "...and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and..."

Microsoft: "border-radius:0 !important;"

Google: "EVERYTHING MOVES!!! And most websites get material design. Most."

Amazon: "We're slowly moving away from 2009"

Wix: "How can we further increase load times?"

Literally any download site: "Click here! No, click here! Nononono!! Click here!!..."

Facebook: "We can't change anything because our main age demographic is around 55"

University websites: "That information isn't hard enough to find yet. Decrease the search accuracy and increase broken links."

alias wow="git status"
alias such="git"
alias very="git"

Result:

$ wow
$ such commit
$ very push

Straight from the docs: just uglify being honest

Xcode storyboards

I can't do it justice by explaining how many times having the entire UI flow in one file has helped me.

Even for unexpected stuff, like an Android dev joining the team and needing to know the workflow of login / registration -> print screen the storyboard.

Manager asking for all the different possible paths through the app -> print screen the storyboard(s).

And then live rendering of custom components to be able to see them while playing with alignments.

While it has its bugs, and could have a few more features, it's too useful to ignore.

I know many iOS devs don't like it, and that's fine because I don't like them either and I don't hire them ;-)

docker

Having exactly the same shit running on my own machine as in production makes life so much easier.

Definitely Docker.
Do whatever you want, whenever you want.
The pinnacle of flexibility.
Try out everything, without installing anything.
Deploy with the same environment you're developing with on your local machine.
It's brilliant!

Gitkraken because it makes working with branches, submodules, merging, amending, rebasing, squashing, stashing etc. super easy and visual. Especially useful in huge projects.

Just android things!

As someone who just got started with programming this is me 50% of the time on here. 😌

The best feature in Intellij is the export to Eclipse. I fucking hate Eclipse but we have to submit our assignments as eclipse projects. Eclipse is the worst software i have ever seen. It even crashed in the same Moment as a classmate asked why i hated Eclipse.

Client: how much for a face recognition system?
...
Client: well fuck you that's too expensive, I ll have my nephew do it.

Think twice before making a time estimate.

Then multiply that by two.

True that...

Well yeah. He is right!

Me: I'm done working for today, let's pack up and go home !
Windows: :)
Me: You better fucking not-
Windows: Installing update 1 of 893...

When i open cmd and can't run a command because i am not admin.

Perfect feed strikes again

REST apis. More than you think it is.

Just because you can access a resource by a uri, doesn't mean you have a good api.

Hypermedia that shit and let websites reuse your links from api responses, then we are getting somewhere.

Also, Fucking api versioning.. Learned the hard way that /v1/ doesn't mean Shit in most cases

During requirements gathering:
Listening.
Writing requirements as stated.
Not designing in my head.
Asking leading questions that validate said faux design.

I'm a perfectionist and like things done the right way, but had to learn to let go and remind myself it's the clients site and their choice. No amount of logic and reasoning is going to stop a hellbent client from wanting the dumb things they want, even when it's bad for design, performance, usability and/or SEO.

SO doesn't like newbies

Word.

When there are only 2 pages on Google you know you're in serious shit.

Pm: Can you make a prototype in 3 weeks?

Me: Sure, but just for the sake of demoing something to the customer. It will take more time for production ready code.

(3 weeks later)

PM (to customer): We can sign you up today and you can use it tomorrow.

Me: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄