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Joined devRant on 11/8/2016
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That moment that you get your first paycheck and you realize that you earned it with doing what you love and learning loads!
😍14 -
Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*
Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend13 -
Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?
Me: That machines take over the world.
Girlfriend: What?
Toaster: What?12 -
Coworker on the phone:
"There. There's the bus. Right over there. The bus full of people who give a shit.
What? You don't see it?
How *odd*.. "1 -
Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.
"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.14 -
This genius made his very own super-flexible-and-versatile-never-seen-before-mvc-framework, with no documentation about the code, instead of just donwloading and implementing a popular one.
He left the company.
I maintain it.
Fell my pain.18 -
She: "I am not getting anything out of these classes!!"
Me: "Try making some Objects first"
*Awkward silence*8 -
Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.62
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Client: Urgent! App is crashing!
Me inside: Wtf, Crashlytics didn’t send me anything, it betrayed me...
Me: What’s wrong?
Client: Some random user sent me email that app is crashing SOMEWHERE(!?)
Me: ................................... no problem, I’m working on it.
*Tomorrow*
Me: Fixed, everything works fine now (didn’t do anything actually)
Client: Great, nice work!
Client never mentioned that “problem “ anymore.
#likeaboss4 -
"EMINEM!"
An intern just called me Eminem! This is hilarious. People have told me I talk fast in the past but this is the first time my talking has been considered as rapping😛31 -
*Battle music*
Wild customer appeared!
dev used Ubuntu
It's not very effective...
Foe customer used Stupid Feature-Request
It's super effective!
dev is confused!
dev hurt itself in its confusion!
dev used Reasoning
dev's attack missed!
Foe customer used Ridiculous Feature-Request
It's super effective!
dev used Rage Quit
dev fled using its Rage Quit
...2 -
Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.15
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My teacher told us, that the array size in C is useless, becouse the array is dynamic and can be bigger or smaller everytime you want.. Happy overriding..13
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Disclaimer, this is not anything close to being dev-related but fuck it, I'm about to puke because this situation's really bizarre.
A close friend of mine is being publicly accused of physical and mental abuse by his ex-girlfriend. For simplicity I'll call him B and her Z.
I've been friends with Z since we met at school, around 10 years ago. She has always had emotional problems, mainly due to her mothers bipolarity. As a friend I tried to somehow help her but it was really difficult given her situation.
Fast-foward some time, most of our group get into the same university. There we meet B, he was classmates with my best friend so we got to be close friends. We spent entire nights eating pizza, playing sm4sh and talking about life. After some time, they (Z and B) start dating each other. They made a really good couple, B was very supportive with all of Z's problems and I really thought everything was going to be fine.
A year and a half passed and the relationship naturally weared down. B couldn't keep handling with Zs personal problems and Z was fed up with Bs insensibility. What do I refer with insensibility? Well, for starters he had a well developed black humour. He'd make jokes like "You should learn to cook to feed me" or "Your hairstyle looks like Princess leia, etc". I do understand why in the end they would end up. She had really deep issues. For example, since we were 12 she's had recurrent panic attacks. They are no joke. The problem is that she would fake them from time to time only in order to make any argument go her way. This isn't something we suspected, she has confessed this several times to some of us in my group. She did this constantly with B. B came from a "traditional" mysoginist family, so, even though I wouldn't say B is sexist, he at least has made some mysoginist statements. Both of them weren't happy with each other and it was fine, they just had to break up.
After some shitty moves from Z after breaking up, both Z and B continued a simple life... until B decided to get into our university politics. Z HATED the party B got into. It was a movement made with the only purpose of making fun of university politics, highlighting the cynical stances of some leaders and making Jojo's poses. Yesterday Z called my best friend in a coloquial manner talking about that time B said he got into an argument with his mom and "hit her to the ground only to continue hitting her", asking to send it on a whatsapp voice message (WTF). Needless to say, he told us one day that his mom slapped him really hard so he locked himself in his room. So my best friend naturally told her he didn't remember anything like that. Almost inmediately, B got notified by some members of his party that there was a demand of abuse against him in the federation of students. Then Z posted a public facebook post in which she "admited" to have been both physicaly and mentally abused by B. I understand why there could be no proofs, but the story she told was full of BIG lies I know because I was in some of those situations. Here are some:
-His mental abuse caused her panic attacks for the first time in her life. Which is false, she has been having them since little due to the extreme mental stress she has lived from having a bipolar mother.
-He "separated" her from her loved ones (including her mother). The truth is that she always hated her mother and during her relationship with B, she got a lot closer to her father and brothers.
-He was always controlling her and never leaving her alone to the point she didn't have any personal space left. Sadly this was the exact opposite. While B had exam weeks, Z wouldn't let him study, she constantly messaged him, called him and even drove to his house faking panic attacks (as she confessed to some of us).
I do think he wasn't a good boyfriend, but shit, she's trying to destroy his life here. The facebook post was and has been blown way out of proportion. It has around 700 reactions, 150 shares and it is full of hate messages and threats against B and men in general. Due to faculty protocols, B will certaintly loose all his scholarships (which accont for 6k dolars anually) and is risking being kicked out of the university. Add to that all the shit they've been throwing at him, and we have a heavily damaged individual with an acusation that only costed some messages to the "Gender secretary" of the federation and some keystrokes on facebook.
I never understood why people would say "this made me want to puke" until today. My friend's life is being destroyed only because he dated Z. I can't sleep. I can't study. I can't code. I can't play games. I guess I'm shocked.14 -
i prefer my keyboard than the alphabet.
because U and I are right next to each other ;)
ofc, Jk is right below it. hahaha3 -
Teacher: From today on, we will start working with ms access 😊.
Me: Please die and let my life in peace ☹️ and learn with something useful (MySQL) instead.7 -
What advice would I give a new dev?
"Learn COBOL"
No one specified that it had to be 'good advice'7