Two factor authentication atrocities 😍😍

Boss decided to limit Wi-Fi access only to company computers.
Ended up blocking everyone, including himself.

I missed the opportunity to use this when I took a Word/PowerPoint/Access class in high school. 🤷

The boss:
- Has a tape over his cam
- has a tape over his mic
- signs up under false names to everything
- never allows any device access

He wants the app to (unnecessarily):
- collect all personal details
- access to position
- access to contacts
- access to pretty much everything on users phone

Fucking hypocrite sack of horseshit

So I’m a web developer at a company.

And I’m not allowed to access the web.

Any advice?

Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.

I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:

M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.

Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:

M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.

At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?

There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:

M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.

DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.

I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.

PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.

Manager asked for access to server with admin rights for a third party contractor and I questioned him... His answer?

- Your are gonna give access to anyone that needs access.

I gave. Went for a 15 days vacation.

Our server got blocked by our cloud provider because of ssh brute force attempt coming from it and the company website went offline during a big ass meeting because of that.

Made me giggle :)

a developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden, but alas he did not have root access 😂

Parents: When your child spends a lot of time with the PC and doesn't want to interact with you, you have some reflection to do before you turn off the internet and nag them for things all day. Chances are, they don't like being with you but don't want to say it, either, because of the kind of things they know you will say and think if they do it.

And for the love of everything that is holy, do NOT turn the internet off! That pisses them off even more!

Maybe I'd have told you how much I hate being forced to be with you if it didn't mean I'd get guilt tripped about it.

Being around the people who pretend that you are a fucking machine that only needs material things in life and does not at all need emotional support at least in the early parts of your life and deflecting every legit argument for the things you stand for with "Muh Feelingz" makes them seem even more pathetic than they are. They manage to be an inspiration to everyone who doesn't know them, yet fail to be the persons their children have any respect for.

It's as if children never imitate their surroundings at all...

The worst thing of being a dev nowadays is feeling useless when you lack internet access...

When your security on your server is so good that you can't access it yourself

"Opps.. I'm sorry, but you have insufficient rights to open this Ticket."

Well. You know what? I AM THE FUCKING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR YOU CUNT!
YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT RIGHTS to restrict me access to that fucking ticket!

"Oh. In that case, go ahead."

THANK YOU. FUCKING PRICK.

Hey girl,
Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I'll give you sudo access.

I just helped one of our cleaners get Internet since the management whitelisted devices that can get WiFi access.

I believe that anyone, regardless of position, must have equal access to the resources in this company.

I'm the technical lead of the project which I don't have access to its repo

Fleksy keyboard: We don't access your private information and upload it to the cloud!

No, because I'm blocking your Internet access through a fucking root firewall.

Freaking genius dev made a system access password @$$Monk3y1

Had to share that with a vendor...on a conference call

My disk isn't corrupted, it's just so secure that even I can't access it

no access?
sudo plz..

Happened on my first day in internship :

Me: Hey, I'm not allowed to install anything, could you install me Sublime Text?
Boss: yeah sure, hold on, I'm granting you admin rights
Me: ...

When I access social media sites...

It's the Go Fucking Work chrome extension.

I was trying to access this website from 15 min.

i think i need sleep :(

Got access to a university's supercomputer today, 512 cores, 8TB RAM... I'm still shaking...

Dear outsourced developers. Don't send me your private SSH key by email. I don't need it, it allows me to access anything else you can access pretending I'm you, and it shows a misunderstanding of how SSH keys work. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Hi, I’m from x SEO agency and I need admin access to your clients site ASAP!

Ahhhhhhh, nope.

Not really dev as much but still IT related 😂

in college we got some new macs in our class. Before we were allowed to use them the "IT Tech" came in and did something to them all (probably ran some scripts to set stuff up)

Anyway, I was completely new to OS X and accidentally pressed a key combo that opened up a dialogue to connect to a remote file server. I saw the address field was already filled out (from when the IT Tech was running the scripts). So me being me I decided to connect. Low and behold my student credentials got me in.

Taking a look around I found scripts, backups and all sorts of stuff. I decided to look at some of the scripts to see what they did. One of them was a script to add the Mac to the domain. Here's the funny part. The login to do that was hard coded into the script....

To conclude. I now have domain level access to my whole college network 🙃

Tl;Dr: stupid it tech saves password in script. I find it. I now have domain level access to the college network

Boss: log in to azure and fix this server
Me: I don't have access
Boss: why not?
Me: you never gave me access...
Boss: ...
Me: hello?
Boss: (never responds in chat)
Me: 😒

When the sysadmin changes the root password

Just found out that the generic router that our ISP gave us, which we use at work, has a port you can telnet into to get shell access with root privileges.

Access granted. 😂

Buckle up kids, this one gets saucy.

At work, we have a stress test machine that trests tensile, puncture and breaking strength for different materials used (wood construction). It had a controller software update that was supposed to be installed. I was called into the office because the folks there were unable to install it, they told me the executable just crashed, and wanted me to take a look as I am the most tech-savvy person there.

I go to the computer and open up the firmware download folder. I see a couple folders, some random VBScript file, and Installation.txt. I open the TXT, and find the first round of bullshit.

"Do not run the installer executable directly as it will not work. Run install.vbs instead."

Now, excuse me for a moment, but what kind of dick-cheese-sniffing cockmonger has end users run VBScript files to install something in 2018?! Shame I didn't think of opening it up and examining it for myself to find out what that piece of boiled dogshit did.

I suspend my cringe and run it, and lo and behold, it installs. I open the program and am faced with entering a license key. I'm given the key by the folks at the office, but quickly conclude no ways of entering it work. I reboot the program and there is an autofilled key I didn't notice previously. Whatever, I think, and hit OK.

The program starts fine, and I try with the login they had previously used. Now it doesn't work for some reason. I try it several times to no avail. Then I check the network inspector and notice that when I hit login, no network activity happens in the program, so I conclude the check must be local against some database.

I browse to the program installation directory for clues. Then I see a folder called "Databases".

"This can't be this easy", I think to myself, expecting to find some kind of JSON or something inside that I can crawl for clues. I open the folder and find something much worse. Oh, so much worse.

I find <SOFTWARE NAME>.accdb in the folder. At this point cold sweat is already running down my back at the sheer thought of using Microsoft Access for any program, but curiosity takes over and I open it anyway.

I find the database for the entire program inside. I also notice at this point that I have read/write access to the database, another thing that sent my alarm bells ringing like St. Pauls cathedral. Then I notice a table called "tUser" in the left panel.

Fearing the worst, I click over and find... And you knew it was coming...

Usernames and passwords in plain text.

Not only that, they're all in the format "admin - admin", "user - user", "tester - tester".

I suspend my will to die, login to the program and re-add the account they used previously. I leave the office and inform the peeps that the program works as intended again.

I wish I was making this shit up, but I really am not. What is the fucking point of having a login system at all when your users can just open the database with a program that nowadays comes bundled with every Windows install and easily read the logins? It's not even like the data structure is confusing like minified JSON or something, it's literally a spreadsheet in a program that a trained monkey could read.

God bless them and Satan condemn the developers of this fuckawful program.

User: I can't access the system, it keeps asking me to change my password!
Me: ....
Me: Tried changing your password?
User: Not yet

"C++ : Where friends have access to your private members." - Gavin Russell Baker

That moment when installing arch...need wifi drivers to access internet and need internet to install wifi drivers 😢

This is what happens when you give root access to a newbie....😂😂😂

Moved to a new house, no internet access till end of this month :O

When your root password is root.

someone filtered stackoverflow in the office.
can't access it now.
:(

Please, for fucks sake people, STOP CALLING ALL FORMS OF INTERNET ACCESS WI-FI. CELLULAR ACCESS IS NOT WI-FI. FUCKING ETHERNET + FIBER OPTIC/SOME MORE COPPER CABLING/WHATEVER IS **NOT** WI-FI.

Emailed client asking for access to his Magento storefront.

Client emailed me the following response.

Yes, what is your email?

Guess everybody has access to me now...

When the intern asked for root access.

NO, im not going to give you root access!! okay?!
thats my freaking server, bro!

Why the fuck does a game need access to my contacts?

Only 90s kids will remember this:

"Release"

Here's how my day is going:

> Access::MerchantsController
=> MerchantsController
> Access::MerchantsController
NameError: uninitialized constant Access::MerchantsController

-.-

My uni's internet access login page

"So you need access to the test server?"
Me:"Yes"
"Please fill these 800000000 forms,sign here,get your blood sample,your ID ,your right kidney,letter of approval from your boss,...."

Fuuuuuuuck!!!! I just want to change only 3 lines of code!!!!!!

My dad was a Novell Certified Engineer and my mom a Bachelor in Computer Systems, so I kinda admired them until one tragic day my dad suggested "Hey son why don't you make it using Access".

I HATE working with MS Office products. Yes, Access, I'm looking at you, you backwards, whanabe database reject! You're invalid as a serious SQL database and retarded as an data application suite.

VBA, make up your MIND with your damn function calls! Either require me to use parenthesis or don't! I'm sick of this conditional parenthesis sh*t!

While we're talking about not making up your mind... screw 'sub', you half wit language! Either use functions like a real language or go the f&$k home and make room for a language that knows what it's doing!

Oh!!! WHY... WHY! do you have null AND... NOTHING?! Who... Who... WHO invented "nothing"?! And what sick joke are you playing at with isnull() and empty()??? How many damn ways so you need to test for "no value"?!?!

Access... That's right, I'm not done with you yet... How is it you've survived this damn long in the business world with all of the databases you corrupt? Sure, you suck as a real database, but at least have some freaking pride that people even USE you! How DARE your corrupt yourself with the regularity you seem to have! I wish my bowel movements were as regular as your database corruptions, for the love of humanity.

F$@k you, VBA! F@&k you, Access! F$#k you, MS Office! And Fuuuuuu$k YOU Microsoft for shoving these half assed reject tools down my throat!

I hope your cloud uses Access as a back end and gets some injection virus.

*Takes deep breath* need to say that.

unlimited free private repositories for thr next two years and access to student developer pack

The biggest coding distraction is sitting in front of a computer with internet access, let's be honest here.

I feel like this shouldn’t be on the big screen at Union Station in DC...

I am root >;-)

So our ISP is being dumb. The internet doesn't work and when it does, it does for only 5 mins. They say there's a problem in the switch. So I thought I'd see if using the Google DNS would so something. Yeah not related to switch but I wanted to see.

So I open the configuration and... Dafuq? Where's the option to change dns?? It's supposed to be right here... So i ftp into the router and discover i can see the directories. I then learn ftp commands and navigate the directories until i discover a file that has the dns configuration.. so i copy that.. update the file with google dns and delete the one in router and send the updated one and reboot.... Should work now.

It didn't... Plus now I couldn't access the configuration webpage or through ftp.. so i was thinking what to do and suddenly it connected. But now the file was the same as before...

I navigated the webpage stuff and saw that they indeed have a webpage for dns configuration. I checked the .js file which populates the menu and saw they had commented it out. I haven't coded javascript but I think I'm a good enough developer to understand stuff.. I guess.. 😄

@dfox
Can i get access to this bot's profile?please?!

devRantBot

Computer: Access denied
Me:

Internal support article to get access to a tool:

"To get access click 'NO' in the 'was this article helpful section' and open a support ticket, making sure to mention the tool you are looking to get access to"

What fucking fresh hell is this? Why not have the article, contain the fucking link to open the ticket.

You have intentionally put up a useless article, in order to hack your way around this stupid system.

So excerpt from a conversation I had with my boss today. Enough of a rant that I figured I’d share it. So <x> is our most junior developer. When he was hired I was pretty happy because he seemed willing to learn (but knew nothing). Now, not so much.
I’ve been setting up our servers recently and have been giving the developers, etc accounts to the server. I gotta make <x> an account to the server. Seems dangerous. I’ve also been sending announcements to the team on slack for them all to read about how everything we’re going to use works. <x> has decided to pass on reading it all, and instead just ask me how it all works (cause this stuff is so simple, anyone can do it). I think you’ll get the idea.

package main;

import(
“fmt”
)

Func PrintRant() {
fmt.Println(
...

Just pisses me off, because <x> is already behind and his unwillingness to read about things is slowing me down. I honestly don't want to give him ssh access [to our dev servers and prod] of any kind. He's like, can we get this going faster, I gotta get stuff done, like he just thinks he can connect and get right to work. Which I know he can't, because he was having trouble on windows. He was having issues in his own windows command prompt, which, compared to bash and the server, is like learning to ride a bike with training wheels and then getting on a racing motorcycle on the freeway, where one mistake can mess up everything. He had issues with ssh-keygen (and many before that). The prompt literally read, "Specify the folder you would like the key to be stored in (/path/to/file): and he just 'closed the prompt' because he didn't know what it meant. Fricking really? The he's asking where to run this command, and I say "Git bash, `$ ssh-keygen`" and he's like, 'won't work.' What won't work?

*sends screenshot*

I tell him about where to put it

He answers a question and I just get tired, so I say to hit enter 3 times. "Ohhhh"

And then I tell him to give me id_rsa.pub and he just up and sends me his private key because it was too much work to look at all the files. Then I say I gotta go because I have stuff to do, and he's all annoyed because he needs to get his work done! It's too much work to set up a private testing server! (or he has no clue how, which is probably the case, and won't learn how, because screw Photon, he's just a dumbass anyways!)

…
)
}

Somebody implement punch over ip (poip). Sometimes I think I’d ddos someone with it.

Sudo = ?

Teacher: From today on, we will start working with ms access 😊.
Me: Please die and let my life in peace ☹️ and learn with something useful (MySQL) instead.

My parents are real sticklers for who is allowed to be on Netflix. They only let people on when they are present, and they never click 'save password'.

Me being a poor college student and desperate for the Netflix password, created a fake website for one of my parents to sign into.

How did I do this? I created my own localhost server with a backend database for the password to go to. I then copied the Netflix home screen and log in and asked them to log me into their account.

They said I can be on for one hour, and then they were signing me out.

I agreed to these terms.

As a small twist, I had also copied the no internet tab from Chrome for the page to redirect to. Knowing that once they logged in they would be expecting the main UI.

They logged in and then waited for the page to load. I, of course, put in a delay for the page to load and then displayed the no internet tab. They were confused and asked me to refresh, still nothing. I asked them if the router was out, and they went to check.

While they were away I quickly switched back to the real Netflix website and yelled back saying I got it working again. They came back over and saw that it was asking for a password again. They signed in and saw the main homepage and none were the wiser that day.

Once they left I checked inside the DB and found the plaintext password they typed in... The damn password was so simple, I cursed myself for not having figured it out sooner. No matter, I had my parents Netflix password.

So you're probably wondering how they didn't see the URL above and think something was off?

I pressed F11 and fullscreened my entire browser. They did ask, and I simply replied with, I don't like seeing all the crap up above when I'm streaming. No further questions, perhaps I was lucky.

when Administrator Gives Full Internet Access

Preface: My company took over another company. A week ago I inherited their IT.

"IT" !!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Their server stood at an ex employees homeoffice. So I drove to her and she had 0 idea about IT. Server was just "Running". I tore that fuck down and saw an aweful lot of Hentai in all home folders.

WTF?!

Not enough, their crm was a makroinfested access table. Shit was protected so I couldn't even edit the makros. The retarded fucktards hardcoded paths to serverside folder \\fuck\you\hard\cavetroll

Just so that server will never see the light of my domain! Damn you? Mothership of sisterfucking dickgirls!

I hate access. I wish I could use literally any other program. But they're not authorized.

I'm the only one working on this, and everything is closed. How the fuck is the object in use somewhere else? And where the fuck did my primary key go???

When you gain access to the network gear..

My schoolmates tell my teacher how he should design a database in Access.

I work at a place where security is really high when it comes to server access. Today I was in urgent need to get admin access to a server, this is a real pain. Luckily I found an xml in version control containing the credentials for the web application which happens to be an admin account! Lucky me, saved me at least two weeks of waiting to get admin access!

Creating an API to access another API in order to secure your apikey feels... weird

Damn fuck it. I am making a program with
#include <windows.h>

Accessing the Win32 API in c is such a pain. Just made a simple window with 70 lines of c code. And I have to edit it in turbo c but run it in some other compiler. Our teacher is a .... uhhh
Hate projects.

Sorry if the rant doesn't make sense. I am too tired.

Me trying to use Linux for first time:
Sudo node index.js
access denied
Sudo shutdown
access denied (noob)
Me: im going back to Windows now....

How trees access the internet? They Log on.

Apparently the firewall at work has blocked access our git repo since there are too many consecutive requests to it.

When I got myself admin access at work

Sleep is for people without access to internet.

I can't access Google anymore.

I am genuinely happy about this.

User:I can't access site.
Screenshot: not even close to being correct URL....

We gave admin access to a user who thinks he knows what he's doing. Why did we give admin access to a user who thinks he knows what he's doing?

Just received an email from a client letting me know they can't access their email. It was in reply to an email I sent. What?

So one rant reminded me of a situation I whent through like 10 years ago...
I'm not a dev but I do small programs from time to time...
One time I was hired to pass a phone book list from paper to a ms Access 97 database...
On my old laptop I could only add 3 to 5 records cause MS access doesn't clean after itself and would crash...

So I made an app (in vb6) , to easily make records, was fast, light and well tabbed.
But now I needed a form to edit the last record when I made a mistake...
Then I wanted a form to check all the records I made.
Well that gave me an idea and presented the software to the client... A cheesy price was agreed for my first freelance sell...
After a month making it perfect and knowing the problems the client would had I made a admin form to merge all the databases and check for each record if it would exist.... I knew the client would have problems to merge hundreds of databases....
When it was done... The client told me he didn't need the software anymore.... So I gave it to a friend to use as an client dabatase software... It was perfect for him.
One month later the client called me because he couldn't merge the databases...
I told him I was already working in a company. That my software was ready to solve his problem, but I got mad and deleted everything...
He had to pay almost 20 times more for a software company to make the same software but worst... Mine would merge and check all the databases in a folder... Their's had to pick one by one and didn't check for duplicates... So he had to pay even more for another program to delete duplicates...

That's why I didn't follow programming as a freelance... Lots of regrets today...
Could be working at home, instead had a burn out this week cause of overwork...

Sorry for the long rant.

I always give people who have 9 +'s on a post one extra, just to give them access to the stickers

It took 2 fucking days for the network team to assign permission to my username to access 2 x dedicated servers on the network.

Like dude WTF, it's a 5 (max) minute job. I'm not judging just saying.

Why do you think, a weather apps needs access to contacts, messages and make calls?

Worst technology I've ever worked with?

Microsoft-FUCKING-Access

The error riddled, varchar frenzy, disgusting ui, os and architecture dependent pieces of shit, powered by the cherry on top: fucking VBA, that are applications developed with this monstrosity have kept me awake trying to understand why on earth would anyone that is not dying of cancer already would use such thing to try to build anything.

I had to deal with load of Access applications when I first started at my current company. Whats left now are mainly legacy systems, I killed them one by one and whatever's left will suffer the same punishment.

If you develop in Access you're my enemy and I will destroy you.

3 hours of "I don't have access to that router" and waiting for someone who does have access to join the line. And then they don't have access, etc..

I love networking, hate working with network engineers.

When you can't access your variable because it's out of scope

You really appreciate good documentation while you don't have access to good one.

Even people can be private, public or protected 😁

So... The school blocked ssh. And now I can't access my home computer. What do I do now?

Why the fuck is this site blocked. How the fuck is it remotely adult content? ITS A GODDAMN WEBGL GAME. And you blocked is as being EDUCATIONAL. WHY THE FUCK WOULD MY SCOOL BAN A GODDAMN EDUCATIONAL WEBSITE?

P.S. for all those that know me, i made a website a year ago, during english class, and it got blocked at school (my goal was to get it blocked). Or so I thought. It turns out it didn't get blocked at my school, it was blocked across the whole county! I feel accomplished.

Hey, can you check why my tv doesn't access to Netflix? You know about computers, don't you?
Me: 😕

Fuck my ISP....
Can't access my PC via SSH/nor my website! Fuck Dual NAT🤦

Microsoft Access

Computer science doesn't just mean teach me how to use Microsoft office over and over... MS Access is not useful!!!

Dear EA, why would you region lock Black on Xbox?

Sincerely, pissed off EA Access subscriber

Recently, my CS teacher proudly bragged about how, to this day, no pupil has ever had WiFi Access to the school network (only teachers have access).

What a naive teacher he is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This has saved my life! Though makes me wonder isn't it a security risk for on premise access?

When the sysadmin won't give you access

The amount of attempts to access my website is just too much O_O

Anyway in nginx to block access if login attempt failed after 3 times?

When you have to work on a machine where you don't have superuser access, you learn many life lessons. 🤔

Am I the only one who lets friends and relatives always browse on my computer on the OS-default browser like Safari or IE. So they don't disturb my precious tabs and log in Chrome? 😂

Fuuuuck this corporate bullshit. I'm basically sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some jackass to grant me access to the server that my boss moved my code over to. Why the hell did you put my app on a production server that runs every 30 minutes...THAT I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO?? Now there's a critical bug and a $50K order in limbo because I can't push any fixes. Fuck me. The worst part will be in the next hour or so when dozens of people are calling, emailing, and attacking my cubicle like rabid animals about why orders aren't moving and I'll have to explain that production is a train wreck because reasons. Just end me.

Only touching the topic slightly:

In my school time we had a windows domain where everyone would login to on every computer. You also had a small private storage accessible as network share that would be mapped to a drive letter so everyone could find it. The whole folder containing the private subfolders of everyone was shared so you could see all names but they were only accessible to the owner.

At some point, though, I tried opening them again but this time I could see the contents. That was quite unexpected so I tried reading some generic file which also worked without problems. Even the write command went through successfully. Beginning to grasp the severity of the misconfiguration I verified with other userfolders and even borrowed the account of someone else.

Skipping the "report a problem" form, which would have been read at at least in the next couple hours but I figured this was too serious, I went straight to the admin and told him what I found. You can't believe how quickly he ran off to the admin room to have a look/fix the permissions.

Welcome back to Britain - The true consequence of #Brexit 🤣

To decode mind and access it to 100% of it's abilities..
HaHaHaHa

Restricting access is fine, yes.
But how the fuck should I do my job, when I get no fucking access to any systems?! It's a wonder I can even log on to my computer!

Sorry fellow dev from another company, we really appreciated your help even though it was your free day. There is little chance you are also on devRant, but if you are we cant thank you enough debugging the dll provided by you and even supplying us with a dev version in which you made some changes for us to perform some extra tests. The changes looks promising as far as we have seen for now.
This might save our asses.

He wants to pay me 300$ monthly on upwork for giving him access to my computer because of upwork security? No thank you. My computer is my computer and nobody else can use it.

"Google Home requires access to your location to find nearby devices"

Get fucked, Google.

Get. Fucked.

Things that make me feel like a child:

* Getting access to company computational cluster.

When you get root access 😂

We use jira at my company. It's great for me, because no ticketing system's UI is worth a shit, but jira's API is excellent. But we're switching to a new system that is an absolute piece of garbage. Every page is 100% Javascript, so no source can ever be viewed, and the URL never changes to reflect what's onscreen. If you know a ticket number, no URL will ever get you straight to it. You have to navigate multiple slow-loading 25MB piles of Javascript to reach what you're seeking. And most damning of all: the new system has an API, but our highest management is withholding access to it, claiming it breeds laziness.

Is amazing the kind of shit you have to swallow when your management has regular meetings with really really super extremely good-looking sales people.

Why a non-dev has access to reboot servers....?

why.....WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?

I'm migrating data from an old software to a new one I wrote.

Old database it's in Access (yeah, fuck). When I opened one table, the VM hung up and I opened the task manager on MADE

What.The.Fuck.Are.You.Doing?

Random Access Memory 🤐

!rant
Medium long story about POP!_OS

TL;DR : A true K.I.S.S. OS. Very well designed UI. In general suitable for everyone. Any distro-hoppers MUST try out. If your current OS is already heavily customized to your needs, DON'T bother with POP. (Read till the end if you are on toilet, nothing to lose)

Backstory : I am never a fanboy of anything although I am loyal to the tools I use daily. So OS is also something I picked and use to meet my needs except when I was a student. My first linux experience was about a decade ago with ubuntu. Have tried almost all kinds of light-weight and minimal distros after that (lubuntu, arch, mint, puppylinux, fedora, centos and others I forgot) during my student years.

I like all things minimal. ("Keep It Simple Stupid" is my email signature.) When I started working, Windows became the sole OS I use since it met my needs better than others. Except that one time when I tried Elementary. Although I found it a good OS, it didn't get installed as a dual-boot. I don't find Elementary minimal. It is one of well designed OSs but I still think it can be improved. (Plus I had this weird feeling that it is similar to Mac OS)

At the start of this year, Widows alone was not enough for my needs. Decided to look for a minimal linux distro. My old i7 ASUS has 8GB RAM and roughly 250GB free storage. So I am not that worried about hardware requirements. My main struggle is downloading stuffs. (Few of you guys must know by now the speed of my internet LOL.) Well, even if I had a good speed, I will still look for minimal distro as first priority. So I went with minimal ubuntu image and xubuntu environment. Although I do not like the UI design, it is acceptable. Through out the years, I have configured it to suit my needs and currently pretty happy with it.

Thoughts on POP!_OS : To me, it is literally like meeting a young girl who is perfect for my life. She has the perfect body, beautiful face, amazing appearance and good manners. And she is young, of course there is a lack of experience issue. But it can be taught and she has a very high chance to become a wonderful lady if she continues like this. Only crap is I already have someone and in a committed relationship. So I could not go any further than introduction. I do save her contact and will keep in touch with her online. You know? Things change. Things always change somehow.

I'm going to spend the night with a rapidly flashing blue LED in my room.

I'm currently fixing an HDD, and the access LED is just going crazy. That's gonna be a long night.

Big company issues: Try access something "access denied". Spend rest of day trying to figure out who can provide access to that page and what manager that needs to approve it :(

Webpages denying access because ad blocker is enabled...

Thoughts?

Helping this lady with her Microsoft Access work. Wrote some complex Visual Basic script to make the database look pretty. This is what she is asking:

"Hey, where did you get all this code from? YouTube? Can you please send me the link?"

ffs I'm a dev, why the fuck do you think I need YouTube for this simple VBA script.

So I started a 80hour intership today at our Department of Education and this is how it went...

Boss : Design a database to show all applicants that applied for jobs at schools.

*I start thinking which tables and columns I'm going to use and start designing the database, writes out all the tables on paper*

Me : Is there a pc I should work on or should I use my laptop? And which database engine do you use?

B : No you can use your laptop. And btw we use MS Access

*Thinking wtf kind of business even governmental uses Access for their databases. But anyway, start creating the databases and relationships when my boss walks in*

B : No, what are you doing?

M : Im creating the database you asked for.

B : No, you design it on paper. Draw all the tables, draw the report and the form then you come show it to me, if I decide its good enough you can come in tomorrow and start creating it.

*Wtf kind of place is this, are you mentally retarded? You have a IT staff of 3 people, in which only the actual fulltime intern is a qualified IT professional, but when me or him tries to do some actual work, you give us shit about doing what was asked from us*

You are going to Need Office 365 to access github...

Dev. policy: The use of SELECT * is forbidden.

Open Data Access Layer > first statement: SELECT * FROM bullshit_table

when a client asks for FTP access and you don't know whether to cry or panic....

PHB wanted access to our team chat room where we do standup, among other things. Access granted. Immediately a new chat room was created.

When DBA gives you access to the Prod DB instead of the Dev DB.

anyone else here reads “MFA Code” as Motherfucking Access Code? or is it just me?

So this very random thought pop up just now.

What if Satoshi is on devrant? 🤔

Why do I love DevRant more than reddit? I can access DevRant from work!

When the client has full CMS access but you, the programmer, is tasked to manually edit stuff.

Not really a rant and not very random. More like a very short story.

So I didn't write any rant regarding the whole Microsoft GitHub topic. I don't like to judge stuff quickly. I participated in few threads though.

Another thing is I also don't use GitHub very much apart from giving 🌟 to repos as a bookmark. Have one hobby project there. That's all. So I don't worry that much. I'm that selfish and self concerned. :3

I was first introduced to version control system by learning how to use tortoisesvn around 2008. We had a group project and one of the guys was an experienced and amazing programmer unlike the rest of us. He was doing commercial projects while we were at our 1st and 2nd year. Uni had svn repo server. He taught us about tortoisesvn. He also had Basecamp and taught us how to use it as well. So that's how I learned the benefits of using versioning tools and project management tools. On side note, our uni didn't teach any of those in detail :3

After that project, I was hooked to use versioning tools. So until school kicked me out, I was able to use their svn server. When I was on my own, I had to ask Google for help. I found a new world. There are still free svn services that I can use with certain limited functions. That's not the new world; I found people saying how git is better than svn in various ways. It was around 2010,2011.

At first I was a bit reluctant to touch git because of all the commands in terminal approach. But then I found that there is tortoisegit. I still thank tortoisesvn creator for that. I'm a sucker for GUI tools. So then I also have to pick which git servers to use. Hell yeah, self hosted gitlab is the way to go man. Well that's what the internet said. So I listened. I got it up and running after numerous trial and error. I used it briefly. Then I came back to my country on 2012-2013; the land of kilobytes per minute (yes not second, minute).

My country's internet was improved only after 2016. So from 2013 to 2016, I did my best not to rely on internet. I wasn't able to afford a server at my less than 10 people, 12ft*50ft office. So I had to find alternative to gitlab which preferably run on windows. Found bonobo and it was alright. It worked. Well had crazy moments here and there when the PC running Bonobo got virus and stuff. But we managed. We survived. Then finally multi national Telecom corporates came to our country.

We got cheaper and faster mobile data, broadband and fiber plans. Finally I can visit pornhub ... sorry github. Github is good. I like it. But that doesn't mean I should share my ugly mutated projects to the rest of the world. I could keep using Bonobo but it has risks. So I had to think for an alternative. I remembered that gitlab didn't have cloud hosting service when I checked them out in the past. So I just looked into Bitbucket and happy with their free plans of 5 users and unlimited private repos. I am very very cheap and broke.

That's why I said I don't really care that much about the whole M$GitHub topic at the beginning. However due to that topic, I have visited GitLab website again and found out they have cloud hosting now and their free plan is unlimited users and unlimited repos. So hell yeah. Sorry BB. I am gonna move to cheaper and wider land.

TL;DR : I am gonna move to GitLab because of their free plan.

Had a teacher in high school who ordered us to learn MS Access, even tho most of us already knew MySQL... It was to learn about relations and the likes...
We spend way to long on that subject, because most of really didn't find the Access interface intuitive and she had to walk from table to table helping...
The only two finished the task where those who say screw it and used MySQL 😅

I just love languages and functions that support using a negative int to access array from the end! Awesome.

Finally I got access to server
I almost feel complete just need a laptop or notebook.

Thinking about buying a yearly VPN plan. Private Internet Access is cheaper but NordVPN has much better interface.

...

When I need to access the system right now, but I forgot the password :(

The Sys Admin limited everyone's access on an application through the admin panel. He forgot I have access to the database and I now have full access 😂

If you had root access to your enemy's database. What would you do? 😈

I have a Yahoo app on my phone for some legacy purposes. I just allowed the storage access permissions when it was asking for it during the installation or something, cause like, who doesn't? I checked my Yahoo Mail on the browser tonight and saw copies of my mobile photos in it! It's through the Attach Icon > Insert animated GIF. WTF? So that's how you can easily get hacked from apps?

!rant

Don't know if you guys have this kind of boxed up stuff inside like me. I have good friends, I have a good gf, I have great family and nice colleagues. But there are still so many things I don't share with them, especially the negative feelings I usually possess. Even here I don't share all the deep dark stuff.

As much as I wanna share my true identify and personal info here, the reason I'm restraining myself from doing so is this is the only place where I can say whatever really I wanna say in my mind. Except my blog but then my blog doesn't have any reader.

Access denied

Being able to access the brains source code to program all the people 😈

Ready...
> access security
access: PERMISSION DENIED.
> access security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.
> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED...and...
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!

Can't access devRant with my local IP.

MS Access and VBA.

This combo is the worst dev tech I had to use it by now. Why? Because even if you try it, you can't make a single line of clean code. The syntax is horrible, it still use GOTO...

Maybe the reason why I hated working with it is linked to the context too: I was (and still) developing a system using NoSQL database and this system should be mostly fully configurable through metadata within JSON documents and it was. But we were still writing every JSON by hands so we decided we needed to develop a web based utility for us and clients who would need to configure the system but one of the head decision making people said that we don't need to use fancy technologies (because NoSQL is already "fancy") and that the configuration tool will be develop with Access because he used it a lot when he was younger and when he was coding during its free time. He said that using Access would be much easier and much time saving than our "fancy web based solution" and that he could help if we had questions...

Developing a MS Access software is already a pain in the ass but when you need to output JSON with it...

Could access every website but github.com “all of a sudden”...exp stopped working npm was broken...macs are so stupid then.....

I dumbed....it was all my fault. </duh>

Yesterday I blocked my kids’ access to the internet .. and just blocked the IP4 access of my mac. What a genius. It appears github (and not other sites) requires IP4 whereas most now use IP6.

Gotta love the IoT.

They set up a new surveillance camera in the company, that can stream live footage over the network and that little shit picked the IP adress of a coworker one day AFTER being set up.
Hurray for static routing. Hurray to the person who didn't disable DHCP on the router (Should probably configure my PC to use a static IP as well lel)

Anyways, this happened outta nowhere when I, the only guy who knows shit about IT and is usually present at yhe office, wasn't there and could not connect remotely.

The other, remote programmer, who set up the network, could guide the coworker to get a new IP but, he was worried that we got ourselves an intruder.

Since nobody told me yet that we (should) have static routing, I thought there was a mastermind at work who could get into a network without a wifi-access point and spoof the coworker in order to access the some documents.

The adrenaline rush was real 😨

Scanning the network with nmap solved the mystery rather quickly but thought me that I need to set up a secure way to get remote access on the network.

I would appreciate some input on the set up I thought of:
A raspberry Pi connected to a vpn that runs ssh with pw auth disabled and the ssh port moved.
Would set up the vpn in a similar fashion.

Smartphones, the best spying devices for oblivious muggles.

Several years ago, I heard from a friend who was doing assignments for students on the side. Quite a hustle. His story began when he wanted to figure out why can't these students be able to draw their own database tables, relationships, UML, etc. That's what school has to be teaching them and then he was told that they were learning through MS Access. He goes and tell me that even though this is a lame way of teaching database design, its definitely easier to explain through hands-on and less typing mistakes, as according to the lecturer he met. Making the explanation more visually appealing and helpful for understanding.

OK I get it, but somehow that taught them the wrong way of database design from the beginning. I'd prefer getting them to start writing SQL commands from day 1 and play em at some DB VM. Keep em as real as it gets.

Now I have my own students asking for help in their assignment and also asked for tutoring lessons in web development. So I gave them the crash course in HTML, CSS and Javascript. I've asked them if they've used anything of what I taught them in school. They go and tell me that they've been taught web development through Wordpress. Oh WTF!? I havn't talked to their lecturer yet but it better be a really good explanation to teach these youngsters in a flawed and bloated PHP CMS framework for "web development".

I feel my first rant shall be about DevRant and not being able to access cool features (avatar) due to not having enough points.

Github's unlimited private organization repos for $25 a month has made me rethink which co-workers actually need repository access.

Just saw this on a website

Firewall is down. That means no access to developer environments. That means more time for DevRant.

I work in a large organization that previously didn't have it's own development team. Therefore various business areas have built their own solutions to solve problems which mostly involve Access and Excel.

Many of these applications still exist and we are expected to resolve any issues with them and update them when necessary performing this support role while still expected to meet our (very tight) development timelines.

I can't tell you how much of a pain in the tits it is to be trying to power through a priority development only to be interrupted with an urgent instruction to fix a 17 year old Access database that's running slow.

Of course it's pissing running slow, it's 17 years old, has nearly a million records and you have multiple users accessing it across the country!! I think it's time to peacefully let it die.

Apparently someone posted on Apple's developer forum 2 weeks ago about this root privilege escalation vulenerability in macOS but it took a viral tweet to get any action. 😐

When customers pretend to really care about security but then share server folders to "everyone" 🤨

Found this @ $ find --help
😂😂😂

Client wants this "demo" LIVE by the end of the month... But still not got access to THEIR API yet!!! 😑

I don't support Access databases. Good luck and I hope you don't make one.

Trying to access a vine on vine.co

I had to use XSS (cross site scripting) and tag injection to change one tiny CSS property on a bug tracker site where I have no actual file access and can only add custom footer text. Why not just give me file access, or at least some way to customise the CSS, you stupid thing!

MySQL is Oracle's MS Access

My boss develops with access 2000 and uses variable width arial font. 🤢

Stop doing this shit to me, this meme's dead, let me access that trash without TOR.

A programme I have to maintain (and not allowed to optimise or change):

1) read input from serial connection
2) store data in MySQL database
3) every day convert to CSV
4) store on Windows file share
5) process CSV in access 2000
6) store in MsSQL database

When it was first developed, I said to te developer to store it straight from serial to MsSQL but out boss wanted it to follow the above spec.

He has now left and I have to maintain it

The trifecta: Software, Root Beer, and Comic Books

"For new Users to Register in the way we recomend them, they need to access a resitriced area"

adding a nightmode feature, i.e prevent access to DevRant after midnight, would be a great idea!
I have to sleep, but I'm addicted.
HELP my precious soul!

When the client wants backend access because they've been "coding since 1983" and then comes back saying they can't find the "hidden pages" :/

Even though I've done this, I still get a real chuckle every time I see this.

That moment you're trying to access your web portal in the QA environment and you realize your colleague is loading huge amounts of data into the QA database...

I have to maintain a system for a financial institution that only works with Windows XP and Ms Access 2003. All VBA code, security is handled using a workgroup file. Can't upgrade anything because client doesn't want to pay for it.

Does anyone have access to a radio telescope that responds at microwave frequencies?

When your boss finally gives you the wifi access codes to check the responsive design on your phone without killing your personal 3G quota...

Head of legal: email me details of the customer information you hold/access

Me (in head): I'm a full stack developer! I access everything!! Should I tell the truth, or "the TRUTH"

Object.prototype.shit

and now all my objects have access to shit

Tried to access an intranet page using Chrome and this happened...

Is there any way to access devRant on Terminal?

Access undefined as undefined....
Apple devs need a break. Xcode devs need to be sent to another planet -_-

New boss just gave me access to pluralsight, and i'm loving it! Can't wait to get going this fall. 😀

new aws iam account

first time login requires me to change my password.

account does not have access to iam:ChangePassword

!rant but story

Didn't participate in this week rant since the topic is not very relatable to me.

I rarely get truly inspired. There are people I envy. There are things I like. There are moments I go, oh awesome. That's about it.

I doubt myself that I have little bits of narcissist and sociopath traits. Maybe I am. 🤔

Arrg, need to also make a database for an application, because client doesn't want to give access to their own db. fookin Brian

Can you access my ex's account?

Ding... Ding... Ding... Thats the sound my mail client makes when somebody forks UnrealEngine and gives everybody push access. #MailParty #Socializing

!rant

Just had a meeting with a client. Client is a local company but they hired a new guy and he is a foreigner. They made a website with us. Since it is a typical corporate website with few pages and just text and images as content, we used WordPress.

The new guy is familiar with squarespace and asked me my opinion on using SS. I don't really find any issue and it was my reply. He seemed surprised and asked me "Wouldn't it be like losing your business?"

I have never considered developing WordPress as my business. Programming is my interest and profession. But my main passion is to provide solutions to anyone in need. In fact, there were many occasions where I told to clients they shouldn't buy our services and recommend other services including competitors.

He probably thinks I'm a strange guy.

How MS Office came about:

In the office suite I think the top guys stayed for Excel. These guys, are so good. They build Access. But it was always after 6pm on saturdays.

The "I know stuff, and I'll figure things along the way" guys stayed with Word. And in their part time, developed Powerpoit.

Excel guys were so great, they also developed the WordArt and later the SmartArt for Word and Powerpoint!

Thats why we still have that awefull blue and red-wine colours as default...