Me: IT call center.

Lady: Hi! I cant access the shared folder!

Me: Ok. I'll try and help you out. Whats happening when you click on it?

Lady: ok ok... {clicks}... Now it's asking me to entered my password. Should I enter it?

Me: Do you know it?

Lady: Yeah.

Me: yeah try entering it.

Lady: YES. That worked! Thank you so so much!!!

Me: No problem. Have a good day!

Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

Me: Hey, do you play ku?
Friend: Ku?
Me: sudo ku?
Friend: :-|

Coworker: "localhost is down"
Me: "See you monday"

GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.

From a sad true story.

Visual studio has crashed 6 times in 5 minutes... The fuck Microsoft...

But what if it's not imposter syndrome and you just suck?

Real life programmer

D: wut

Programmers calender..

When the shopping mall has sold out of shoes... "no boot device available"

I am going to buy this cool new app for my windows 10.

if (condition) {
//code
}

if you place your brackets like this, you're an awesome individual. Let's be friends

Your choice.

*sigh*

I don't understand why every non-technical person who comes to do work in my apartment messes up my fucking router.

The cleaning lady - multiple times knocked the antennas partially off. Like fucking clock work. I don't get it, why is the cleaning lady attracted to my router antennas and why does she need to be so hard on them? Whatever.

The most ridiculous episode was today. And it wasn't the cleaning lady. I had a few people here doing some work today and the woman in charge who was here informed me before that they might have to move the furniture "a little."

I come home, and like a bad omen, the plastic parts on BOTH my router antennas are missing. Completely gone. It's just the the wires. Now, the router still works fine in my tiny apartment, but it is a fancy Asus router (I learned the hard way not to buy cheap routers) and I'd like it to not have fucking wires as antennas.

I email the woman (paraphrased):

Me: hey, it seems the antennas got knocked off my router, do you have any idea where they might have went?

Her: Apologies if we didn't put everything back (no shit you didn't, that's why I've had to email you). If we knocked the antennas off the router (fucking "if"???? I literally just told you in my email that they were knocked off) , they are probably somewhere by the window on the floor (they weren't).

And I still haven't found them. Why the fuck do these people seemingly attack my router? I can't figure out what it is about it. You would think people would be more careful around electronics but naaah. Anyway, going to go keep looking for my router antennas.

I get a huge feeling a deja vu when I check devRant after I check r/ProgrammerHumor. What a coincidence! :P

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

This one's for the #codergurlz! ☺️

//TODO: Laugh

The life of IT

Oddly true

>Be me arriving at work early for my daily morning relaxation as I surf reddit etc in an hour of euphoria without having to deal with employees
>Get a phone call JUST 5 MINUTES AFTER
> User was complaining that we ran an update which totally wrecked his machine as it didn't want to turn on..
>Ask him to check if the switch on
>Says that he can't see in the dark
>Ask him to turn on the lights
>He says he cannot because the whole power to the building is currently out in a blackout

THIS CALL TOOK 30 MINUTES OF MY BELOVED RELAXATION JUST TO END UP IN HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO COMPREHEND THAT A COMPUTER CANNOT RUN WITHOUT POWER

>rant over UGHHHH

How Programmers review code

Holy shit, this is fucking awesome

Friend: How much do you charge for a website?

Me: Depends, what do you need?

Friend: Just a basic website.

Me: I am going to need more details than that, is it static HTML site? Do you want to be able to add content yourself? Do you have hosting? Do you....

Friend: Dude, just give me a rough estimate.

Me: But...

Friend: It's for a friend, he has an idea for a business.

Me: ...fine...$100 million 👿

//Because making a website is just a push of a button to some people

I now start my to-do lists with
//TODO:

This is a proof that Microsoft and Linux are friends now.

As a Python user and the fucking unicode mess, this is sooooo mean!