IoT is when your ai powered toaster is mining bitcoin to pay off its gambling debts it has with the smart fridge.

*food comes in at work today*
Fellow engineer: yum yum yum!
Me: apt apt apt!
All engineers: 😑

😅

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

When you can't figure out why your code doesn't work

Haha am Eager to see this.

Are you sure want to exist.

3,5hrs trip to Stockholm. Good time spending on devrant and working on exam project. Css3 grid everything!

"I was wondering why Monitors sleep and Keyboards don't.

Then it occurred to me that Keyboards have two SHIFTS. 😆😆" -some guy

4am

"I need to brush my teeth before going to sleep 😵"
*goes to bathroom*
*washes hands*
*goes to bed*

1minute of heavy processing later

"FUCK"

When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

Me: I have admin rights
Windows: Looks legit
Me: can I delete this folder ?
Windows: Nope

In Europe, we use € instead of $ in jQuery.

I wish my mind had its own terminal.
Just imagine...

sudo apt-get install English

Thanks! For the reminder :D
Got this result when searching for localhost:3000.

People are awesome!!

Best Valentine’s Day present ever! She knows me so well. This will be VERY useful in work.

Thanks @Number0, love you

Peer-to-peer connection.

🙂

What’s wrong with me?... Found myself spreading my finger and thumb on some food packaging cooking instructions hoping to zoom in and read it.

Slack: "People can't work when we're down"

GitHub: "Hold my beer"

Had a customer on the phone who couldn't figure something out. Wanted to give him instructions so I asked him whether he used mac or windows (getting used to not including Linux in that question). His reply: uhm this has a weird name... do you know elementary os?

Me: you're a Linux user?!
Him: yes, I'm done with windows and mac.

Then i gave him the instructions. Nice twist of the day!

I love my job, but...

Put some kind of course into the studies which makes students get in touch with open source technology.

May it be arduino's, open source languages, frameworks, whatever.

But especially teach them what open source stands for. I mean we already teach them how to work with closed source technology explicitly so let's show them the other side as well!

Another one, teach secure programming for fucks sake! This always happened at my study:

Me: so you're teaching the students doing mysql queries with php, why not teach them PDO/prepared statements by default? Then they'll know how to securely run queries from the start!
Teachers: nah, we just want to go with the basics for now!

Me: why not teach the students hashing through secure algorithms instead of always using md5?
Teacher: nah, we just want to make sure they know the basics :)

For fucks fucking sake, take your fucking responsibilities.

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.

I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!

It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?

He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.

I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.

83w4r3

I imagine two dev colleagues sitting next to each other, on their phone, each feeling very secure in the anonymity of devrant.

Every game should have it's own rubber duck.

I lost a friend today😭.

He wanted to checkout my MacBook Pro, because he was thinking about buying one.

So I pulled mine out of my backpack, and turned it on.. Then windows 10 popped up!

I looked at him in shock like I just got caught watching porn. I tried to explain to him “it’s not what you think! I had to install it to use Microsoft Project!

He just looked at me in disgust, shaking his head, and walked away....

Sounds about right for any project manages out there

Why is everyone running behind "algo strikes again"?

It is meant for that purpose.

I'm the git master in my group for a uni project as I am the only one with some experience.
This is what I have to deal with