Alexa (in another room): ***ALARM***
Me: Hey Google, broadcast "Alexa, stop"
Alexa: ***stops***
Me:

GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*

Welcome back to practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!

*sitcom audience cheers*

Thank you, thank you. Ok so far we've had a developer from hell and a CEO who shot to fame for being the first rectum to receive a passport and be given a job.

2 pretty strong entrants if you ask me. But its time to slow it down and make sure everyone gets a fair chance. Its not all just about the psychopaths and assholes, what about the general weirdo's and the stoners who just made life awkward?

So here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 3, "A".

"A" was a bit of an unusual developer, despite having a few years experience in his home country, he applied for an unpaid internship to come work with us ... probably should have rang alarm bells but hey we were all young and dumb back then.

I had to say I felt very bad for A, as he suffered from 2 very serious, and job crippling personal conditions / problems

- Email induced panic attacks
- Extreme multifaceted attachment disorder (also known in layman terms as "get the fuck away from me, and do your job" syndrome)

While he never openly discussed these conditions, it was clear from working with him, that he had gone undiagnosed for years. Every time an email would come in no matter how simple ... even the services team asking to confirm his staff ID, would send him into a panic causing him to drop everything he was doing and like a homing missile find me anywhere in the building and ask me what to do.

Actually "A" also suffered from a debilitating literacy issue too, leaving him completely unable to read our internal wiki's himself. Every week we had to follow a set of steps to upgrade something and every week to mask his issue, he'd ask me what to do instead ... no matter how many times I sat with him previously ... must have been truly embarrassing for him.

But "A"'s finest moment in the company, by far, was the day where out of the blue, at the top of his voice (as if wearing headphones ... without wearing headphones) he asked

"DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO SELLS POT?"

... why no, manager of the entire department standing behind you, I do not

... why no, tech lead talking to manager, I do not

... why hello 50% of my team staring at me ... no "A", I do not!

Needless to say all our team meetings were a little awkward for the next few weeks after that but hey who doesn't like being thought of as a stoner / drug dealer by their team mates huh?

Will A make it to the top of the list of most incompetent? Well he has some truly logic defining competition yet to be announced.

Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!

Somehow every programmer that i met, started programming at age of 8-10
Like wtf were you programming, an alarm clock to watch Spongebob Squarepants?

Fuck I just woke up, looked at my alarm clock, see it was 9, thinking I overslept ingot up and got ready for work. As I got into the car I realised it's Sunday...

I love my job, but...

After spending a few months on this site, what strikes me the most, is how unhappy a lot of programmers are.

It kind of makes me sad to see so many of you struggle with office politics bullshit everyday.

I have a confession to make.

I've never had a programming job, or freelanced, yet I have made a very comfortable living with programming and marketing for the past 20 years.

I make my living by finding niches where there is shit software, and creating a better alarm clock.

The first 5-10 years of doing this, I worked my ass off (throughout my twenties)
But during most of my thirties, I barely had to
work to keep it all up. I get residual income still
from stuff I did 10 years ago.

I'm curious if anyone at all would be interested in learning how to do this, quitting their job, for example, or, just having the freedom to write your own code without answering to anybody but your own customers. Many of whom you never have to talk to, they go to your site, they buy, and rarely ever send emails (if you do it right)

Everybody here has knowledge that is so bankable, yet they seem to just surrender to
asshole bosses and clients. It doesn't have to
be like that.

If you'd be interested in this, please ++ this.

I'm thinking of creating an online course about creating and marketing your own software, specifically for programmers like you guys. and girls.

I genuinely just want to see if there's interest. I hope that's ok.

6am. no fucking alarm clock needed, my fucking passion to code woke me up

woke up at 5am

no alarm clock was required

my fucking passion woke me up to get up and code.

i coded outside in my backyard

felt like cold war

it was night

it was dark

a depressing horror atmosphere

just like my whole life

2 hours later i started seeing sun

it was cold outside. alone. in the dark. my arms were freezing.

but 2 hours later i managed to code the feature. it worked.

3 hours have passed. im ripped. quentally.

doing it here. inside now. started the day happy. dropped bullshit from day before. cleanser of all toxicss.

fuck the past. the past will pull you down and kill you.

this. remember. always do not forget.

8am. Fire alarm. Git push!

I still haven't updated my Windows laptop of new update. The reminder is annoying lol, I have clicked snooze button more than I do on my alarm

I just woke up, the sun is out...

Crap I must missed my alarm!

Wait is only 6am....

I love summer? Except for the heat

The only thing I hate about being the on call/standby server engineer is that I've got to stay up until midnight.

Right now I'm tired as fuck, just want to go to bed but I'm doing server stuffs because I've got to stay up for more than two more hours 😩

I don't even mind setting an alarm for 3AM to check if there've been any disruptions because I'll fall back asleep like it's nothing but the forcing to stay awake...

Just one more night!

Programing Alarm

Manager: "If needed, are you willing to work overtime this month?"

Developer: "Yes. [ ... pause ... ] would you give me some over my salary for sometime?"

Manager: Yes, increment happens every 6 months.

Developer: "I am thinking beyond it".

Manager: "No, it is not possible"

Developer: "Okay"

** alarm clock vibrates **

Developer: "It is 5:00 PM now. I need to leave. See you on coming Monday at 9:00 AM sharp"

[Developer left]

Manager: "Byeeeee ... "

Day 1:
I installed an alarm app that doesn't turn off until you solve some math problem.
Next morning:
* alarm turns on
* solve the math problem
* get back to sleep

Conclusion:
most dangerous thing in the morning is the " let me close my eyes for one second"

It's also my only finished project so far: an alarm clock
Made for ~2 days, because I couldn't get up on time.
Currently flashes light into your eyes and buzzes with a piezo crystal and has wifi

*sets alarm for 12:00*
*wakes up 8:00 anyway*

whyyyy

A quite normal Windows day:

Bios to Windows: "Go now! Get up!"

Windows to Bios: "Always slow with the young circuit boards."

"I've got something weird on screen."

Windows' answer: "Ignore it first."

Hardware assistant to Windows: "The user puts pressure. He wants me to identify this thing. Could be an ISDN card."

Windows: "Well, well."

Unknown ISDN card to all: "Will you please let me in?"

Network card to intruder: "You can't spread out here!"

Windows: "Quiet in the case! Or I'll cut both their support!"

Device Manager: "Offer compromise. The network card is allowed on Mondays, the ISDN card is on Tuesday."

Graphics card to Windows: "My driver retired yesterday. I'm crashing now."

Windows to graphics card: "When will you be back?"

Graphics card: "Well, not at first."

CD-Rom drive to Windows: "uh, I would have a new driver here..."

Windows: "What's ich´n supposed to do with it?!"

Installation software to Windows: "Leave it, I'll mach´ that already."

Windows: "That's nice to hear."

USB connection to interrupt management: "Alarm! Just been penetrated by a scanner cable. Request response."

Interrupt management: "Where are you coming from?"

USB connection: "I was in the computer right from the start. I'm joined by another colleague."

"You're not on my list." - "Say something."

Windows: "Hopefully there won't be another printer."

Graphics card: "The new driver twitches."

Windows: "We'll just have to get the old one out of retirement."

Uninstall program to new driver: "Go away."

Unwanted driver: "Fuck you."

Windows to Norton Utilities: "Kill him and his brood!"

Utilities to driver rests: "Sorry, we have to delete you."

Important system file: "Arrrrrrgghh!"

Windows on blue screen: "Gib´, the Norton Boys are over the top again."

Blue screen to user: "So, that's it for this week."

Excuse me for stealing your time

And I know it's way too long

In my case, I'm setting an alarm at 7am for a standup call at 1pm

"You either suffer the pain of discipline, or you suffer the pain of regret."

Alarm is set for 0500 (and placed at the opposite side of the room, not more snoozing), jogging shoes are ready and, after a year of putting it off, this is my good night lecture. I'm done regretting.

My father got a iphone 6 last week and has been raving about how much easier it is to use than his galaxy (doesn't understand what "android" is). Just found today that he's been using his previous phone for the alarm clock because he can't find it on his new phone.

Waking up, feeling like I have a cold I sit down at my computer and see that my biggest client has asked for a minor change. I haven't had my coffee yet, but I can do what they're asking for in a minute. The site is *gone*. Just a permissions error. Have they been hacked?! Why hasn't the client called me?! The files are there and no changes have been made. It doesn't come up on any browser. 10 panicked minutes later I check it on my phone. It comes up. Wait a minute ... While editing /etc/hosts yesterday I'd accidentally uncommented a line for this site that I'd foolishly left in there. One character later my false alarm is solved. I'm getting my damned coffee now.

Paypal Rant #3

One day I'll go to Paypal HQ and...
... change all the toilet rolls to face the wrong way
... remap all the semicolons to be the Greek equivalent character
... change all the door signs so they say "pull" instead of "push" and vice versa
... modify all the stairs to have variable heights
... programmatically shuffle the elevator buttons and randomly assign the alarm key to any of the most visited floors
... pour cocoa onto all the keyboards and wipe them off cleanly
... attach clear duct tape over their mouse sensors and insert really weak batteries or mess with their cables

I'll wait a day or two until they experience a sudden shortage of developers, then bombard them with thousands of fake applications from seemingly amazing candidates, then write an AI bot to continue argumentation with HR.

I'll wait another week or so until the company dissolves and with them, all my issues in life.

No need to be overly vulgar this time because you all know the deal. I hate this fucking company. Please Paypal do us all a favor and go fuck yourself.

Buckle up kids, this one gets saucy.

At work, we have a stress test machine that trests tensile, puncture and breaking strength for different materials used (wood construction). It had a controller software update that was supposed to be installed. I was called into the office because the folks there were unable to install it, they told me the executable just crashed, and wanted me to take a look as I am the most tech-savvy person there.

I go to the computer and open up the firmware download folder. I see a couple folders, some random VBScript file, and Installation.txt. I open the TXT, and find the first round of bullshit.

"Do not run the installer executable directly as it will not work. Run install.vbs instead."

Now, excuse me for a moment, but what kind of dick-cheese-sniffing cockmonger has end users run VBScript files to install something in 2018?! Shame I didn't think of opening it up and examining it for myself to find out what that piece of boiled dogshit did.

I suspend my cringe and run it, and lo and behold, it installs. I open the program and am faced with entering a license key. I'm given the key by the folks at the office, but quickly conclude no ways of entering it work. I reboot the program and there is an autofilled key I didn't notice previously. Whatever, I think, and hit OK.

The program starts fine, and I try with the login they had previously used. Now it doesn't work for some reason. I try it several times to no avail. Then I check the network inspector and notice that when I hit login, no network activity happens in the program, so I conclude the check must be local against some database.

I browse to the program installation directory for clues. Then I see a folder called "Databases".

"This can't be this easy", I think to myself, expecting to find some kind of JSON or something inside that I can crawl for clues. I open the folder and find something much worse. Oh, so much worse.

I find <SOFTWARE NAME>.accdb in the folder. At this point cold sweat is already running down my back at the sheer thought of using Microsoft Access for any program, but curiosity takes over and I open it anyway.

I find the database for the entire program inside. I also notice at this point that I have read/write access to the database, another thing that sent my alarm bells ringing like St. Pauls cathedral. Then I notice a table called "tUser" in the left panel.

Fearing the worst, I click over and find... And you knew it was coming...

Usernames and passwords in plain text.

Not only that, they're all in the format "admin - admin", "user - user", "tester - tester".

I suspend my will to die, login to the program and re-add the account they used previously. I leave the office and inform the peeps that the program works as intended again.

I wish I was making this shit up, but I really am not. What is the fucking point of having a login system at all when your users can just open the database with a program that nowadays comes bundled with every Windows install and easily read the logins? It's not even like the data structure is confusing like minified JSON or something, it's literally a spreadsheet in a program that a trained monkey could read.

God bless them and Satan condemn the developers of this fuckawful program.

8:50am aight alarm clock, give me 5 more minutes

8:55am ok lets round it to 9, wake me up then

9:00am aight enough. lets just sleep for 1 more minute since 9:00 is too round

9:43am fuck

9:44am ok its time to finally study for the upcoming college exam

9:45am nothing but a fresh day to start studying for college

9:46am eh i dont have a lot to study so I'll do it in 2pm, I'll code my project instead

2pm hold on 5 more minutes until i finish coding this feature and then I'll study

5pm where the fuck is this bug coming from

5:504pm goddamn i found it

6:36pm holy shit its already over 6pm, I'll study at night

7:42pm ok its night now, time to study but I'll do it when i fix all bugs

8:14pm ok bugs fixed, commit. lets study

8:15pm you know what, im way too tired and exhausted from this coding, I'll take a short 30 minute break and then I'll study

10:15pm ok im feeling fresh bois lets study now theres not too much

1:31am damn this movie was good

1:32am fuck i forgot to study, I'll do it tomorrow

2:10am *posts this rant*

Told some guy who was parking next to the emergency exit to move his car. He was like "uhm, well, you're not going to have an emergency anyway.."
*fire alarm starts*

Perfect timing ^^

Fire alarm went off at work. Firefighters are here. Forgot to commit...

wtf????? it's a fucking alarm app. what does it fucking need to function? jesus christ!

First fucking night of being on call again.

Normally I set an alarm at 3 to check if any critical disruptions have been going on.

But why the fuck would I need that if I woke up every fucking hour at night anyways?

I'm fucking tired right now and agitated as hell.

Hands up, who actually uses this shit?

Seriously, this is one of the most innovative apps I've used in the past year. The developer must be having fun torturing hundreds of people every day. But fuck this shit, it works (and most alarm clocks didn't work for me)

My life in a nutshell.

I've been stuck in this timeless loop for 10 years, anyone that relates?

1. Set alarm before going to bed.
2. Alarm rings, I turn it off.
3. Wakes up late.
4. Work from 08 AM to 4 PM.
5. Take the train back home
6. Plan what to do for the rest of the day.
7. Come home, do everything except what was initially planned.
8. Watching time goes by while doing non-productive things.
9. I feel alone, watch porn to fill this void.
10. I get depressed and unhappy afterward
11. Set the alarm for the next day.
12. Repeat.

Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?

Fuck a phone that sets its alarm sound level on silent by itself.

My first dev job was a paid internship at Oak Ridge National Laboratory. But I wasn't in the computing division with the supercomputer and the 30-foot 18-screen wall display. In a way, I was doing something more exciting. I was in the Hollifield Radioactive Ion Beam Facility.

That meant that I was working next to a radioactive ray gun that they fired at different targets to try and make new kinds of particles. To refine the beam components, there was a tower with the world's highest voltage Van de Graf generator at 25,000 kilovolts. I got training on how to put on a radiation suit, and was told that if I got locked in the wrong room and red lights began to flash, I had about five seconds to run to the far wall and push the E-stop, before I got irradiated and died slowly over the next five weeks.

But, I was reassured, that never happened. Radiation leaks are rare too (that's why we wore dosimeters). More likely, there would be a leak in the generator tower. To explain why that's bad, that tower wasn't filled with normal air. 25,000 kilovolts would punch through that like nothing, arc against the walls, and we'd lose the electric charge. No, instead, the tower was filled to a few atmospheres of pressure with sulfur hexafluoride gas. You know how helium makes your voice go up? This stuff makes your voice go down. It's heavier than air, and it kills you by displacing and starving your lungs of oxygen.

So, while I was happily coding away on PHP, CSS and the Bash shell, making a log book for all the ion gun settings and targets the scientists used in their experiments, I was keeping an ear out for the oxygen alarm. I had a blast!

Just had my first evening/night of being the on call/standby server engineer.

I'm quite tired but it's a fun experience.
Having to set an alarm at 3am is something I've gotta get used to though 😅

Only a few calls and a few server thingies that I had to look into!

I consistently wake up 2 minutes before my alarm. Bug or feature? 🤔

My sleep pattern is royally fucked. I searched around for alarm apps that can help me get back on track. I found one called Alarmy. The list of features was mindblowing. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I’m on vacation. I’m using my mobile data as a hotspot to browse and do research as there are no other internet options here.

My alarm goes off at 6 AM. Everyone besides me is sleeping. Here is where the first problem arises. The only way to turn the alarm off is by taking a picture of something I have at home (This is how I force myself out of bed). I start panicking. How the hell am I going to shut this damn thing off. I try to turn the phone off, and that’s when I realize I’ve made a huge error. The pro version of Alarmy has a setting that allows you to prevent yourself from turning it off at all. Genius me thought that was a good idea. I fumble with my phone as the 1 minute mute timer they give you is slowly ticking down, before all hell breaks loose. That’s when it hits me. I have an LG G3 with replaceable batteries. My violently pounding heart rate start to slow down as I take off the case and slamdunk the phone until the battery falls out. I did it. I’m saved. 5 minutes later I turn my phone on, start the hotspot and get back to my browsing.

BEEP F*CKING BEEP. Alarmy is not done with me yet. It turns out they’ve implemented a new feature that continues the damn alarm after a shutdown. At this point I have ran out of options. I take the battery back out, and now I’m sat here without no phone or internet for the rest of my vacation, and with no clue what to do.

!rant & story_time
This happend to the startup I was working for at ~2011. I was a junior Android dev, working on a very popular app.
During experiments for a new feature, I discovered that the system AlarmManager has a serious bug - you can set a repeating alarm with interval=0ms. If your app takes more then 1 ms to handle the Intent, then the AlarmManager will start to fill up the intent Queue, with unexpected results to the OS. causing it to slow down, and reboot when it ran out of Ram. Why? my guess was that because the AlarmManager was part of the OS, then any issues caused by it caused the system process to ran out of ram, crashing it, and the whole system with it. the real kicker was that even after a reboot, the AlarmManager still had Intents queued, causing the device to bootloop for a while, untill the queue was cleared. My boss decided to report the problem to google, as this was an issue in the OS. I built an example app, that caused the crash 10-30 seconds after starting, and submitted to Google. Google responded later that day with "not an issue, no one will ever do this".
Well... At this point I decided to review the autoupdate feature in our app, to make sure this will not happen to us. We just released a new feature where a user can set an update schedule option in the app settings - where you could setup a daily, weekly, or hourly update for the app. after reviewing it, It looked good, and the issue was not triggered in the manual QA I did. So, it was all good. And we released an updated version to the store.
After we did an update-install, we discoverd that, there was a provlem reading the previous version SharedPrefs value for the update schdule settings, and the value defaulted to 0...
the result was, our app caused all our users to go into a bootloop, and because the alarm was reset when the devices booted up, the bootloop could only be solved in a factory reset, or removing our app, before the device rebooted, and then waiting a few reboot cycles.
We lost 50 places in the market, and it took us 6 months to get back to where we were.

It was not my fault, but it sucked big time!

Woohoo! Fire alarm is going off!

*me at the morning

- 08:30 Ah, let me sleep juuust more 5 minutes, I even don't need alarm *turn alarm off"
*blink
- nah, I should go
- 10:45 what the...

This morning I kept falling back asleep after the alarm went off, drifting in and out of a dream about programming.

My wife finally said "no more sleeping".

Still mostly sleep, I replied very confidently "you can't sleep in a sandbox!".

I was dreaming I was in a code sandbox. Obviously sleeping is not allowed.

Jeez, my head has been really full of programming since this conference. (One of the talks was on codesandbox).

My older brother just moved out today. For 18 years I've shared a room with him, and now he's gone. I have a ~30x10 foot room all to myself (it's the entire second floor of my house).

I do love that now I'm able to play music anytime, and with his stuff gone, it'll be less space taken up in general, that type of thing.

I've been in this room with him for over 8 years now, after my oldest brother moved out, and I've always had this feeling that one portion of the room was mine and the other portion was his. Now it's just...weird. I have both portions now. I have this whole big room to maintain myself. I don't have to worry about my stuff conflicting with his for whatever reason.

The past few weeks, when he's talked about moving out, I've always told him that I was looking forward to it, to having the whole room to myself. Now that he's gone, I just...can't. I can't bring myself to move his stuff that he hasn't taken over to the new house yet, or clean his part of the room.

When we were kids we didn't really get along, and I HATED sharing a room with him. But over time, as we grew up, we started to get along better, and for the past couple years, we've always just talked in the middle of the night when we were both awake. And now he's gone (the new house is maybe a 10 minute drive away), and I know he's not coming back. I know that this whole space is mine now.

I'm gonna miss the talks in the middle of the night, and us keeping each other in check (whenever one of us isn't home in the middle of the night we tend to text each other like "bruh where the fuck you at"), and waking up in the middle of the night (when I'm able to actually fall asleep kinda early) to see him playing Skyrim or Fallout. Hell, even coming home from work or wherever to see him passed the fuck out.

I know that I'm gonna have to clean the whole room soon, and that I'll just have to get over it. I've always been the one in my family that doesn't really show emotion very often, unless I get angry, so when people were crying earlier, I just sat there with an emotionless look on my face. But that's also because I wasn't really feeling much at the time, it didn't really hit until I got home and came upstairs to my room. Hell, right now I'm sitting here just expecting to hear his car alarm as he locks his car like I normally hear every night.

I installed one of those alarm apps that doesn't stop until you solve some puzzle or simple equation..

I ended up by uninstalling it when the first time the alarm started..

The problem is, I don't remember how I did it.. just I woke up a little late and the app not found..

I guess I was really tired !

up at 11:30pm finishing some work when fire alarm goes off.... waited to see if my tests passed before leaving

The moment you flash new ROM and the question is. Will alarm work or will i be late to school again and have to explain teachet that i totally fucked up and sound doesnt work or that time was wrong.

Lets find out !

Loving the new update of alarm in my phone. The dark theme ..... ❤❤😘

Had this a week ago. Was setting my alarms for the morning and noticed that (I always run one test alarm just to be sure) the alarm sound wasn't working for whatever reason.

*maybe I should turn it off and on again?*
*nah that's bullshit, it should just work like this, if not, something is seriously wrong!*

*goes to sleep while running the alarms on an old phone*

*tries to do the turning it off and on again anyways next day*

*IT WORKS*

*Le me feeling like a very stupid end user 😐*

A social media alarm clock where people around the word will push the alarm button until you wake up.

The wife and I decided (together) to change our daily habits and get up early again (together).

It's 6am now, I was rudely awakened by overtly excited dolphin noises (the alarm I set), crawled out of bed towards my coffee machine (for an intravenous pick-me-up) and now sit here, in the kitchen, half an hour later and alone, all while she's sleeping like a beautiful perfect little angel.

I am contemplating whether or not I should powerbomb back into bed to wake her up or just brush my teeth and leave for work, letting her sleep.

Which would be worse, because she'd sleep till, like, 10am, be late and all that.

Well guess what.

Ok google, set an alarm in 20min works great but when you say ok google, cancel my alarm it just says you can do that in the app. I know I can do it in the alarm app, but I am a lazy piece of shit, that's why I asked you to do it!

F*cking Samsung's alarm clock.

I really needed to wake up early today so I added secondary alarm little bit earlier. It was supposed to ring at 5:20 and second one shall ring 5:30. But Samsung said no.

Update came thru night and phone was restarted in process. Why it can't keep memory unlocked I don't understand, but OK. But it effectively means it was not able to trigger alarm clock. So I woke up at 6:35 and came more than hour late.

Why such basic functionality failed? My old Sony Erricsson T290i can ring even when powered down. Same as my Nokia and after that Lumia with Windows Phone 10. Why can't Samsung just be normal.

I set the fucking alarm at 06.40. It's now 10.56 and I just woke up. What the HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Just disassembled 2 €5 desk fans because they were shit.. and so is their design apparently.

What I found inside was actually surprisingly simple.. a toddler could build it. It's just a DC motor, a 3PDT switch, DC barrel connector, some wires and screws to hold stuff in place. Oh and the plastic thingie with the fan blades, as well as the USB cable of course.

5 fucking euros. The combined cost of the components would be less than 3, certified motherfuckturers. Time to build it, injection moulding, transportation, sure.. but still.

And if you think that being salty about €5 is cheap shittalk, expand that to every fucking piece of electronics that doesn't cost a small fortune.. at all price ranges. Could be radios, alarm clocks, heck even phones. Shit's way too expensive for what it's worth. Perhaps because so many people in the industry are just here for a quick buck.. motherfuckers 😒

Anyway, back to the design.. the hole in the fan blade thingie is supposed to get the motor's shaft shafted in, to turn the blades. I'd use glue there.. but not these designers. They just shove it in and hope that friction takes care of everything. And one of the fan blade modules' hole was so wide that inserting the motor is like throwing a sausage down the hallway. No contact at all! Make it tight already like the Chinese designer's glory-...
Nah let's not get into Chinese tightness just yet.

Oh and also a resistor for slow mode. Consumes just as much power except the fan turns slower. Because fuck efficiency, right?

Goddammit, next time I'm just gonna build my own again.. at least that wouldn't be a certified piece of shit 😑

A tip to tech folks from my personal xp.

If you fuck up and make an impacting mistake in your company, like taking PROD down, noone is going to fire you on spot. Assign some more mandatory trainings - maybe. So you'd be more careful next time.

See, it's not worth getting rid of someone who made a mistake. You should be seated down and insisted to fix it. If you don't - then they might consider firing it. If you do fix it [with help or alone] - you become a more valuable asset to the company as you prove you are responsible for your actions and you take it seriously. You show that you can clean up your own shit and you don't need a babysiter next to you.

If you simply make a mistake and they replace you with someone else, that someone else is likely to be unaware of your mistakes and is doomed to repeat them. It's just bad for business.

Ofc if you making mistakes becomes a tendency rather than an exception, it's also a red flag for the business.

Don't get too laxed! And always answer for your shit. Never hide a fuckup - always alarm about it asap so that corrective actions could be taken by respective organs of the company while you are fixing it.
Come up with an action plan, announce it. Estimate resources you need [like help from others] - announce that too. Update concerned parties every half an hour or so about the status. If you find you need anything else while fixing it or you come across some blockers/delays/change of impact - always announce asap. Do avoid false alarms and disinformation.

// inspired by someone's rant today

I had set my phone alarm to go off at 04:00am, with a very irritating tone, to ring nonstop. Having slept late and with a project deadline fast approaching. The alarm went off OK as programmed, I got up and switched it off, and went back to sleep! Reminds me of Mr bean!

> Me on call
> Notice that our Echangeserver is not working, strange that I did not get any alarm?
> Start working on it, the services are slow as fuck. They dont start
> Nvm reboot
>10 minutes later the same problem, start to dig deeper.
>Everything goes slow because I am not a Windows guys
>The big boss calls, clock is 7 AM (our office opens as 8AM)
> She is angry that I am not at the office, because the mail does not work.
> I am working remotely from home, 30 min drive to work
> Told her that I have a 30 min drive and I was supposed to be home to take care of wife that was sick
> She is annoyed, pissed.
> She demands that I need to be at the office to solve the problem

omg,,, I don't work better if I am in the office.
Also, it turns out that a colleague has turned of the alarms from Nagios/OP5 for the exchange environment because is once spammed his phone.

Tripped over the LAN cable in my corridor, almost fell. Went to bed only to notice that I left my phone on my desk. Phone is my alarm clock atm, so stood up to get it. Went well until tripping over that damn cable again. Stubbed my toe hard on the bedframe, still cursing now.

I regret deeply not just configuring the Wifi. D:

Alarm Levels on my phone:

Level 1: 06:00 it's the right time to wake up, take a shower and breakfast.

Level 2: 07:00 ok it is the normal time to wake up..

Level 3: 07:30 you must wake up to go to work in time.

Level 4: 07:45 you're already late you lazy ass

Level 5: 08:00 you're already late.

Level 6: 09:00 just checking you're alive

So this happened to me occasionally so I hope none of you cringe:

I was writing some new stacks for a new Cloud IDE that went Open Source (give them a try, they're Coder.com), and because working closely and not releasing till I please majority of people who will use it is my paradigm, I spent reasonable time to fix it. Finally everything is sunshi-

"Wait... It's already 3 in the morning? WHAT THE FUCK"

Yep I started around 21:30, finished around 03:30.

I need an alarm clock

I wake up, take a look at the clock: 5:21.
The alarm is at 5:40.
Thanks fucking sleep cycle for waking me up to wake up the alarm clock... FUCK!!!

Oversleeping due to sleep-walking to my phone and turning the alarm off and going back to bed is a thing for me now. Fuck.

Is there an alarm clock where you have to type in different shell commands to complete a given task on Android in order to stop the alarm? If not, I'll have to do something with my Raspberry Pi...

Warning:: Buzzword alarm!
I was doing smalltalk earlier and this guy asks me what I do for a living. me: I work for a company that builds software that is, among other things, able of giving your company prognosises how busy it'll be, so they can plan ahead. Him: ohhh, so like Big Data?
Me: *dies a little inside*... yeah, that's right! (didn't feel like having the talk with him at that point). No dude, not everything is big data 😥

Hey guys and girls ^~^
I hope this question is ok as it's not entirely dev related.

I'm planning on building a custom cattracking device that i can attach to a cat harness. It obviously has to be very small and light. This is why i had the pi zero in mind.
I want to track my cat via Gps and send location via gsm (and use a trigger if he connects to my wifi to set off an alarm so i can let him in).
My experience with pi's is limited but i have some with arduinos.
Besides that i would need a case which keeps the pi save from dust, humidity and maybe rain but won't interfere too much with the gsm signal.
First: is this even possible?
If yes, what would you recommend?
Are there better ways to do this?

Thanks to all in advance

WTF is this bullshit?!! I set an alarm on my phone for 9:00 and 9:15 just in case... The alarms went off at 10:00 and 10:15, now I am an hour late for work. Just how does that even work?!!! Yeah, time changes but you don't change the fucking alarm Huawei! FFS... I really don't look forward to explaining this...

Also.. devRant on mobile seems to be broken? :( @dfox

Can we have our app set off an alarm that covers all of the lock screen?

No.

Well, Apple does it!

The story of the shittiest, FUCKING WORST day of work.

TLDR: shitty day at work, car crash to end the day.

So, let tell you about what could possibly be the worst day I had since I started working.

This morning, my alarm didn't work, woke up 30 minutes before an appointment I had with a client.

Arrived late at the client, as I start deploying. They don't have any way to transfer the deployment package to the secured server. Lost 45 minutes there.

Deployment goes pretty well. My client asks me to stay while they load some data into the app. Everything's pretty easy to work out. Just need to input 3 CSV with the correct format (which the client defined since the beginning).
I end up watching an Excel Macro called "Brigitte" (I'm not fucking kinding, could'nt have thought of that) work for 4 hours straight. Files are badly formatted and don't work.

Troubbleshooting thoses files with a fucking loader that does not tell you anything about why it failed (our fault on that one)

I leave the client at 7:30pm, going back at work, leave at 9pm.

At this point, I just want to buy some food, go home and watch series.

But NO, A FUCKING MORRON OF A BUS DRIVER had to switch lanes as I was overtaking him. Getting me crushed between the bus and the concrete blocks.

Cops were fucking dickheads, being very mean even tho I was still shaking from the adrenaline.

In conclusion, the day could have been worst. The devs at the clients are pretty cool guys and we actually had some fun troubleshooting. At work, there was still one of my colleagues who cheered me up telling me about his day.
And when I think of it, I could have got really hurt (or even worst) in the crash.

A bad day is a bad day, tomorrow morning I'm still going to get up and go to a job I love, with people I love working with.

Very big rant (sorry about that if someone's still reading)

About 3 weeks ago I joined $BIG_CORP via campus recruitments. Today, when the alarm went off, I said to myself "Screw this, I'll make it to the 10am class" and instantly realized I wasn't in college anymore.
Welcome to the rest of my life, I guess
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do ya ever hate how often people use the term "AI" so loosely. It's like saying your thermostat or your "smart oven" (or "smart"-everything) is "AI-infused" because it can regulate the temperature. Unless the machine actually learns something for next time around, a bunch of "if" statements isn't truly AI in my book.

Somehow my alarm doesnt wake me up properly at morning.
Well now i solved it.
I recorded myself shouting "π is equal exactly to 3.0".
Set that as my alarm.
Now im fucking awake for sure.

"Rant/Story"

Dayum.
Prestory and afterstory:
Today I have slept for around <2 hours and had to drive to my college.

The real shit happens right now.

Story:
During these almost 2 hours, I have dreamed about going back in time, but being limited on the same day's hours.
In other words... It was e.g. 16 o'clock and the time travelled back into the past. Like into a "0830 ish" morning. The day would then come to an end and start with the next day. For example from Monday to Tuesday.
I was able to look into the future whenever I wanted to.
Even though I was driving my car in the first gear, it would drive into the reverse direction.
Time suddently switches direction and everything is going as it should be. Greeting people in the streets as I would do normally.
And all of the sudden time decides to switch its direction again and I have to do things in reverse.
At some point I found something like a hidden room which had a door. I opened it and went into the "room" (it was a special place. It had no walls at all). It had a door at the other side of the room. I went through it and saw another one in the last room. It felt like, if I decide to go through that door, I would instantly die. I therefore moved all the doors back into the dream world.
Such a confusion gave me a fucking headache lol.

After waking up from such a fucking complicated dream, time irl felt fucking weird lmao.

My alarm began to do its job. It tried to wake me up at 6:30 am, at 6:45 am and at 6:50 am.
But all the time along it felt like it began to wake me up at 6:50 am down to 6:30 am.

When I was 19, I had no problem with drinking until 3-4am and waking up at 7am for college. Right now its 12:35am,and I will kill someone when my alarm goes for work at 7am. And I'm 22 now...

Set out to copy the iOS alarm on android because a) android's stock alarm is fugly and b) all other sleep reminder apps either offer me way too much or no functionality.

Week 1: "Oh, custom UIs need a lot of math... Ok."
Week 2 "Why on earth is my ram usage at 400 mb?!"
Week 6: "I have come to the realisation that android's ByteArrayDecoder should burn in hell.
Week 7: "Man... They sure made the management of intents and pending intents a pain."
Week 10: There. It works. Two classes, 7000 lines of code.... Hmmmm maybe apply MVP."
Week 11: I discovered embarrassment driven development, throw away all my code and start from scratch.
Week 12: Oh ButterKnife, where have you been all my life?
Week 17: I might actually finish this in my life time!
Week 28: Man, this MVP and managing Context, intents, SQLITE DB and pending intents do not mix well.
Week 46: I discover RxJava and Dagger 2
Week 47: I discover that the 'V' in MVP does not refer to an 'Activity'
Week 48: My StudyBudy says to me "Man, exams are only a month away!"
Week 49: I put all your code in my github, delete it locally and focus back on being a student.

Yay !!
Sleep no more with my ultimate awakinator ! (Which is a python script
That wakes up the system and plays alarm till I enter 'ok I'm awake' , then he'll play a video form YouTube channels I defined)

Awesome !!! ^ ^

"What's new" for the latest MIUI update on my phone. I wonder how they finally managed to convince the alarm clock to work on holidays. 🤔

Just a random thought, I sometimes in my sleep am able to switch my fucking alarm off, so it will be good if an app can move the entire stop/snooze button randomly on the screen. It will be effective I guess, what do you guys think?

When your work alarm goes off on a Bank Holiday Monday because Apple still dont have a feature to disable alarms on Bank Holidays. Cheers Tim.

You do know that "why do I need you if I can copy-paste code from SO?" joke floating around, right? Today I had a real-life situation perfectly illustrating it.

So I bought a set of parking sensors. Cheap ones, from AliExpress. Prolly the cheapest ones I could find. Installed them w/ engine turned off. All seemed fine. Cleaned it all up, got ready to go, started the engine and beeeep beeep beeepeeeeep beepp ..... beeeeeeeeep.

fuck.

Tried unplugging/replugging them one-by-one to find the faulty one. Nada. Apparently they all were false-alarming. They must all be bad, bcz they seem to work well w/ engine turned off (ignition on) and only false-alarm when engine is on.

Allright, I'll get a new set next weekend, a more expensive one and replace them again.

There goes my €20 and another week basically w/o parking sensors (car length is >5 meters, so sensors do help a lot).

Today I spend a few hours removing my rear bumper again, replacint all the sensors, wiring, etc. Tests show promising results - all sensors seem OK even w/ engine on! Close it all up, start a car again and.... beeep bep bep beeep beeee..eeeeppp.

MOTHER FUCK!

Another 30min-hour goes by while looking for a possible culprit. And I found it. The fix could did not take longer than 5 seconds. Apparently a wire feedint the sensors' controller was too close to sensors' wires. All I had to do is to push that wire a lil further from the controller with my index finger.

I could have saved €30, a week of time, half a day of work if I only knew what wire to [literally] poke.

shit...

Holy shit, today I was the first person to arrive at work... And then the alarm came on... I didn't knew the code 😅 sooooo a panic phone call later, I turned it off but holy Shit... I've never had this rush this early of the day

Seriously OnePlus, stop trying to optimise my battery.

My alarm was ringing for over a minute without me realising it because it apparently decided it was unimportant enough to just silently fade into the background.
Ugh

That alarm name! I dread my daily life. :(

Wrote a bot that would send a request to my phone where tasker would set the alarm, it was planned that my bot would automatically detect things like me turning off my pc and then setting a 9 or 10 hour wake up time incl. falling asleep and getting ready for bed, ended up using it to not open the clock app on my phone to set alarms

when it is holiday and the alarm starts ringing on weekday.

Set my alarm 25 minutes earlier to check out this awesome thing called devRant. Before I start my day. 😎

While (time.now<time.alarm){
sleep 10;
clock.lookat;
brain.wonderwhythefuckicantsleepformorethan10minatatime;
}

!rant

Actually managed to get out of bed today without snoozing my alarm.

Damn just a couple of weeks ago I usally snoozed for almost 1.5 hour with 10 minute intervals

Anyone else annoyed at them self for snoozing? And feeling bad about it for the whole day

This morning i found out how much UI/UX is important. Who the hell put "snooze" button beside "stop alarm" button?

1. Go to my setup
2. Lights off
3. Lamp on
4. Door closed
5. Headphones on
6. Run zone.bat or zone.sh depending (yes, I have a script - it puts on music, at wherever I am in the album, changes sound & display settings, and a few other things.
7. Set breaktime alarm (I forget otherwise)
8. Code
9. When breaktime alarm goes off:
9a. Get a ginger beer and since biscuits
9b. Eat
9c. Repeat from 7

There's nothing quite like forgetting to turn on your alarm (or set it to repeat on weekdays)

*fire alarm in dev office*

- git add
- git commit
- git push
- flee to safety

A newish client just sent a channel ticket marked as "urgent", which set off the alarm for everybody in the chain, with an amazon link to lingerie.

I seriously don't know how to react to this, since I really hope it was a mistake and not how he expects us at the next meeting lol

To send such a ticket you have to confirm your pin and confirm the urgency reason too by the way, so the only thing coming to my mind is, it was some sort of clipboard fail?

Random story, I was working on a project a few years ago that had a very tight deadline and a lot of code to write. I had been working late in the office most evenings but one night myself and a colleague had stayed later than usual as we got carried away with supporting peripherals​ in the epos.
The cleaner came in on evenings and we had seen her that night, but had not heard anything for a while so when it came time to leave we figured we best lockup the 2 offices.

After making a quick pass through the building we couldn't see her so proceeded to lock up. Fortunately before setting the alarm we spotted her motorbike in the adjacent car park and decided to have another look.

I'm not quite sure why I decided to look in the tiny supply room/closet but fortunately I did as I found the cleaner standing in this tiny room​playing games on her phone 😂

Fire alarm @ work and the first question i get:
"Did you push up the code" lol 😂

When there is a fire alarm where I work, someone has to go print out the door access logs so we have a list of who is (theoretically) on site and make sure no one is still inside. The printer is half way across the building. And breaks down at least once a day.

We are all going to die.

I think I've been doing too much Android programming in the last three days.

Had a lucid dream last night where I couldn't wake up until I figured out how to set up an inter-thread latch that would allow me to process through a shit ton of data points in parallel without duplication or skipping errors in the most efficient manner (effectively no blocking). We're talking several hundred lines of code. Slept 14 hours last night, I heard my alarm but didn't wake up. When I finally got up, I did what I did in my dream and it worked better than the existing code.

Turns out my brain is great at Java evaluation now, I guess.

BEST DISCLAIMER NOTICE

* I'm not responsible for bricked devices, dead SD cards, thermonuclear war, or you getting fired because the alarm app failed (like it did for me...).
* YOU are choosing to make these modifications, and if you point the finger at me for messing up your device, I will laugh at you.
* Your warranty will be void if you tamper with any part of your device / software.

My inner nocturnal self strikes again it's currently 1am, the alarm is set to 5am

First job was coding voice alarm s Systems (1998) primarily using Delphi and programming act microcontrollers using avrco pascal and act assembler.

They were happy days

I have a cheap crappy drone and while not using it I hang it on the smoke detector. Neither the drone or the smoke alarm have batteries.

I glance up and see a light flashing, freak out, shoot the drone...lights still flashing and I realize it's the smoke detector. Fuck that, there's no batteries. I shoot the smoke alarm and it explodes...battery lands at my feet still intact...

...the alarm is dead, the drone is crying, the toaster is laughing and I can't figure out why the fuck I shot my drone and smoke detector but the toaster doesn't phase me.

(Some of this is actually true)

alarm clock

11:30pm
11:35pm
11:40pm
11:45pm
11:50pm
11:53pm
11:56pm
11:59pm

This is not my wake up alarm clock..
this is the delivery alarm clock

Unsigned Alarm in Windows

So our office is located in a shared floor with multiple other companies. Every unit has its own alarm and security system.

And every God damn day someone somewhere manages to fuck it up and make their alarm go crazy. Without fail.

How fucking hard is it to disable your alarm before opening the door you thick skulled halfwit.

Some people are trying to concentrate and get actual work done.

Everybody relax! False alarm! The website wasn't down, I was still connected to the VPN.

Alright, I’ve got a question for some of you who may have felt this way or currently are feeling this way.

I’m burnt out. I hate my job(s), I hate computers, technology, programming, etc. Honestly, at my primary job because shit is so bad, I haven’t even set an alarm clock to wake up in the mornings for the simple fact that I just don’t give a fuck anymore. My direct supervisor is the same way. This place is falling apart and honestly I’m welcoming it.

I’ve grown up with computers my whole life. When I was younger my brother would hack and tamper with shit just to test the limits. To see what he and his machine were capable of. My dad, he was always taking computers apart, anything that had a board, it was at one point taken apart to see how it worked, and when put together; always worked. They liked modifying and testing the limits of things... the shit I use to enjoy...

I guess what I’m trying to ask is, how do you gain a passion back for something that has faded away over a period of time... I truly hope I haven’t forever lost a passion for computers and every subclass under it, but I fear as though I have... How do you guys get it back?

I’ve been trying to implement an alarm clock as an example for my physical computing lecture but the merge of my existing low power clock with my existing state machine based timer is driving me nuts. And I’m the lecturer of this course!

ok

i acquired a mental and physical burnout exhaustion so no alarm clock can wake me up anymore

anyone have a better idea what to do for alarm clock to wake me up between 5-7am ?

I once went to a client to get a brief for a website (the twat can't be bothered to write it, so he gets me to do it). I wrote all the details down and fired as many questions as I could. When I got back I wrote up the notes into a brief and sent it back to check before I costed it. He said it was spot on, so I sent an estimate. A few days later he must have shown it to another director, they both call me on speaker phone. Them: Will it do this, will it do that? Me: "It" doesn't exist, if you want to add some requirements then write or extend the brief and I will re-cost it.
They ignored that and rang a little later. Them: We have been discussing it, will it do .... and will it do.... Me: I repeated what I had said earlier, but my tone of voice had changed to reflect my annoyance. I never heard from these pathetic twats again. Moral: I always do background checks on a company, as well as accounts and financials check it's good to tap in to your network of colleagues, designers, freelancers. It can set the alarm bells going long before you commit any time.

I don't get why people set their alarms every 5 minutes, instead of every minute with 5 minute snooze... It's waking up or lying around and getting angry at your phone that way

Title earned: "Figlio del capo" - "The boss' son"
Earned by oversleping literally next door, because you forgot to set up an alarm.

Even though my presence wasn't really required today 🤷‍♂️

Programmer BF before we were dating: I love my job. My job is the best thing ever. I will never love anything as much as I love coding.

Me: K

*A few months later*

Me: Ugh, your alarm is going off. Wake up.

PBF: I don't wanna go to work 😭

Me: Oh really? 😏

Alarm clock Pi that reads news headlines and weather cast to me in the morning.

Not impressive but it’s the project I enjoyed most..

So we are preparing to deploy the changes onto production and some fucker decides to play with the fire alarm.

For the first time in a month, I’m not setting an alarm tomorrow!!!

!rant !dev

I was just on my way to work back from the University cafeteria when a guy in a black car - who I thought was moving the car out of a parking lot - stopped the car and asked if I had a second.
Naive me, thinking he might need directions or something decided to listen to him.
He looked older, around 60ish, with sunglasses on ( making it harder for me to read him).
He said that he had a stroke (or something) a few years ago and got damage to his brain, so that sometimes it can happen that he would faint. Therefore, he cannot go swimming unsupervised, and was asking if I would have the time to accompany him to the university lake, so that he could swim for an hour or so. He offered to pay me 40 bucks.
Me, being paranoid af, declined politely, saying I have to go to work ( which was actually true).
He goes on to say how he was a teacher, how he worked at the university before, how I look trustworthy, how I am the first person he asks today, and asked if he could have my number, so that he could call me sometime to supervise the swimming. I would just need to look out for him not to drown and if anything looks weird I should alarm the people working at the lake ( lookouts? not sure what they are called).
I kept declining politely and he backed off, letting me go without any fuzz.
Previously he also mentioned how some students are rich, others are poor, and how he would have done anything for 20 bucks back in the day. But also said that he accepts a no and won't bother me further.

He also mentioned he wouldn't lay a hand on me, that he is not a creep, since I could see his car and license plate, and if I gave him my number, I would also have his. That I shouldn't worry about anything, if I later decided to say no he would delete my number, and that he is not big on the technology and Internet so nothing would happen.

Uhh... well if he was genuine I'm sorry for him, but then you can just ask authorities at the beach to pay more attention to you, no?
Mentioning "all my worries" raised a red flag for me sort of.
Also, if you keep on fainting occasionally, even if you haven't fainted in 2 years, how are you allowed to drive? Or actually, why do you even drive then?
I don't know. The more I think about it, the more I think I should have taken a picture of the car or license plate.
And there are literal services for this kind of thing. Pretty sure you can get one of these if you are willing to pay even.
Jeez now I'm worried for the entire population of my university...

Concept: an app that runs on a smartwatch that activates when you disable an alarm (temporarily, not through the settings) and uses the on board sleep sensors to re-enable the alarm so you dont over sleep. But if you do actually wake up the first time, you dont need to disable a second alarm.

I would love to know if this app already exists or if someone is going to make it

when you're in the zone coding away and the coo comes into your office to kick you out because he wants to go home and he has to set the building's alarm before leaving

Damn i want to make an Alarm to alert me when Gradle is finished building.

When waiting gradle build i always get mad because sometime i always left it to do something else and then forgot about it and ended up coming back with more wasted time.

When the fire alarm at your company goes off and instead of saving your life or thinking about your family your first thought is

git commit
git push

...

Be exhausted in the middle of the day and almost fell asleep while being in the office. Be tired around 20, finally feel sleep after 2h and sleeping pills. Wake up at 3, struggle till 6 when you feel asleep again, at 8 alarm clock wakes you up telling you should be leaving for work :/
Reducing coffee intake was a horrible idea.

Bragging about knowing how to hack the company's emails definitely gets you into trouble. And then coming out clean and saying it was all a bluff still gets you into trouble. Hacking jokes in the office is same as a bomb joke in public(crowded) places.

A friend of mine stayed over and had to leave early. Idiotic as I am I set the alarm an hour earlier than necessary. Now that he's left there's no way I can go back to sleep again, so I've had plenty of time to track translations in p5.js, while my GF's sleeping. Aaah, aren't weekends wonderful?

So I got a 5 day extension on a project (new due date: this morning 8:30) but I had to put my cat down over the weekend and I was so fucked up about it I couldn’t do any work so last night I was frantically trying to finish but I got to the point where I couldn’t think straight so I went to bed and set my alarm for 6.

It’s 7:30 now and I truly don’t think I’ll finish in time for 8:30. I’ve already got a way longer extension than I asked for, so I don’t want to give him any more “excuses”, so I’m torn between just submitting late probably like 10am or just submitting whatever I have at 8:30

GODFUCKINGDAMNIT!
This stupid fucking car alarm has been screaming on my street for the last 30 minutes already, and the owner has not stopped it yet! It's 2 fucking AM and I'm trying to fucking sleep!
FUCK!!

My older brother introduced me to linux and android custom roms when I was like 11. So I flashed my old sony Ericson phone with custom roms from xda and tried Ubuntu live CDs on my mother's old 40gb hdd laptop.
But my introduction to programming was when I saw some videos about the raspberry pi on YouTube.
I was like 14 and programmed basic scripts for my raspberry pi in nano over putty or notepad++.
At first I didn't even knew to intendent but in the process of my first project (Python sunrise alarm clock with tts) I learned many valuable things about Python and Linux/Debian.
The years after that I learned more with my now multiple RaspberryPIs, Arduinos and other hardware.
So in conclusion RaspberryPIs, the diy/open source community and especially my brother introduced me to programming.
I am now doing bigger projects with my brother and have (really basic) knowledge of java,Javascript,php,html,Arduino/C++ and Python.

Avast stoping my benchmark and reporting it to me is like a dog that proudly brings a bone to you while you walk with him on a cemetery.
I know about it before I started the benchmark so i deactivated it for 30min, but then for some reason (i may have accidently clicked on the symbol) the ui opened and everytime it does that it for some reason resets the option so it was active again. Now it deleted parts of the Software and I have a hard time making it run again. Fml and fuck monday. Why isn't there an option to make a fucking exception or remove something from their fucking virus container if it was a false alarm?

that feel when you have to wake up earlier than you usual and you forget to set up an alarm

I was having fun with GPIO recently. Now I have an RGB LED flashing in my room when my alarm clock starts ringing.

Android App sending HTTP Request when Alarm has been triggered, php starts a bash script (was too lazy to do it in php). Bash script does its job for 10 seconds.

Aight, so today hasnt been a good day so far, yesterday I stayed up late working on a side projext im getting paid for coz I had to deploy today, i didnt finish because I spent hours trying to get the crappy html with some awful jquery libraries to work with angular, seriously this guy uses the bullet character instead of <ul>, after my cellphone fell during the night and I didnt hear the alarm so I arrived 1 1/2 hrs late to work, now that Im here I cant work because my pc says

The trust relationship between this workstation and the primary domain failed

So due to some necessary repairs on my Nokia 6.1 i had to use an iPhone for the last 2 weeks (was the device they gave me for the duration of the repair). And let me say something in advance: I own a Macbook Pro, i own an iPad Pro, both devices are excellent for what i use them for. I enjoy OS X, i enjoy iOS on the tablet. But oh boy is the iPhone a shitshow of a magnitude i have never seen.

First off: The notifications. They feel like Android 4 or something. No customization, no grouping, not context. Also the swipe down gesture simply blocks whatever i am doing.

Multitasking: What a shitshow. There is no continuity, apps reload on a whim, no switching between apps (except that strange thing where the app shows up on the left upper screen, but i can't go back from there?)

Settings: WHY ARE APPS SETTINGS IN THE GLOBAL SETTINGS!! And not even all settings are. They are all over the place. And the settings are so convoluted and bloated, i can't find half of the things i am looking for.

Clock & Alarm: Goddamn that design choice with the edit button infuriates me to no end. Why can't i click an alarm and simply edit it? Also: Why do i have to enter the clock app to even see which alarm is going off next?

The Appdrawer: WHY CAN'T I SORT MY APPS BY NAME?? I have to conciously remember where i put things. Apps i use rarely, apps i use often.

God, iOS on the phone is so fucking terrible.

Continuously snoozing alarm till it starts irritating!

I know I ranted about this before but...

FHEGYOQOBGMLAEBFOEBFKHIOQMBEVCOFARQIJSABUEVEUANGIWN

Dumbass me thought "I know it's fucked up in the past but give it another chance". My google home decided to delete all of my alarms. It will not be getting another chance.

I woke up 3 hours later than expected on a normally smooth day and now I going to be late to class and I'm anything but calm.

I'm about ready to frisbee this shit out my window.

Is anyone able to help me fix a bug?

The wakeup function keeps throwing an error and reverting back to sleep mode, unless there is an alarm nearby. Does anyone know the fix to this?

When you live close enough to know that if your power went out there was definitely an interruption of some kind at work, so have to set the alarm for 5.30 to get in first and deal with any mess there it :(
Hopefully that expensive, site wide, backup generator that was installed actually works!

iPhone alarm clock suddenly stopped playing sounds this week (again), fortunately my wake up time is not critical.

After every major osx upgrade I feel that I need to restart macbook more and more often cause system suddenly hangs.

Yesterday I spotted that after each restart there is information that if system hangs on login screen for a while I should restart computer again ( well thanks for advice that I don’t have to wait till I die ).

Cursor randomly disappears after I connected microsoft usb mouse ( microsoft mouse eating cursor from apple windows ).

Why I use microsoft mouse you ask ? That’s the best thing microsoft made, it’s literally indestructible. I dropped and kicked that mouse hundred times, still works perfectly fine.

I think also somehow osx forced minor bug fix upgrade once without my permission so they’re slowly going the forgotten microsoft path that is always forcing updates you don’t want to install in this particular moment.
Because their engineers know better when and why I want to update.

Looks like Apple engineering is slowly degrading or QA care less about older hardware users.

I am not used to buy new shit when old works just fine, those shiny little things are my work tools not something I show around to impress people how cool I am.

That’s all disappointing but still better then windows experience cause didn’t reinstalled osx from scratch since almost 5 years and it’s working at the same speed like it was new ( not impressed linux users here but from my previous experience with windows “registry” that means something and this hardware already paid for itself).

Favorite alarm clock tune: anxiety

What's wrong with the fake messages on #LinkedIn ?????
a long message talk about making business and something and in the end of it it says just email me and you'll know everything!

Why don't you just text me here...well that's when the fake alarm rings.

This morning I woke up to my two alarm clocks being very noisy and annoying, so I put them in two separate tabs
I went to the bathroom, after my brain started to wake up I realize that these two items are similar functionality and should be put in the same tab
A few seconds later…
Wait WHAT!?
I put my alarm clocks in tabs?
What did I actually do?

I forgot to setup my alarm, but it's fine, because fof some reason I just woke up exactly the when my alarm goes off normally.

Also fuck nighttime me

At Rackspace there are lights on the walls that go off for things like ddos attacks, fire alarm, etc. The being a code rainbow. Meaning "evacuate the building".

Every time we deployed to prod I always joked one day that it would fail so spectacularly that it would cause a code rainbow.

To people with problems waking up:
I highly recommend the app Alarmy!

It's a real pain in the ass.
When you set an alarm you can set it up to in order to make it stop ringing you need to take a photo of a specific place in your home (like the toilet lol, or a painting, or whatever object far from your bed), or you'll​ have to solve a math problem.

(I don't have any kind of affiliation with this app, but it works!)

Nice. I can't update my alarm app because I don't want Galaxy Apps to access my contacts. Well done. Whatever these two have in common...

Just got an Android app project from friends, but already have a bad feeling about it.

It already start with 11 freaking screen, an input activity with 17 field(include spinners, date picker, location picker, and a freaking table). 3 different account type, each has different item and function visible to the user. 5 main feature, one of it include *chat* that supports multimedia, A freaking alarm system, both scheduled and automatic based on certain parameter with push notification, and deadline at January 1st with teams of 3 people :)

EVACUATE NOW! Early this morning I was woken by the fire alarm at my apartment. I jumped out of bed and immediately reached for my laptop. After carefully sliding it into its bag (top side up of course), I grasped it tightly, took a deep breath and ran to safety.

I guess that's one is both a rant and a !rant. O.o

..that moment when your "get up and study" alarm goes off at 4am, and you're already studying.

!dev

Goddamnit first day after vacation my alarm goes off, i turn it off and guess what

Correct i turned my dumb ass the fuck arround again and fell back asleep for another hour.

But it is kinda fine because i could still catch the next train after the one i normally take.

Me: god bless me *Open Android Studio*
Laptop: *screams in bluescreen*
Me: *screams in laggy anger*
Fire Alarm: *screams*

i need to bring my pc to office ASAP. can't stand this anymore

TL;DR : How would you 'smart home' with privacy?

How would you go about a privacy focused home automation/smart home setup?

What I feel is not necessarily important

> some assistant that you can have conversations with.
> Not being in home network to automate.

What I feel is essential. (in decreasing order of importance)

> Being a able to control appliances/electronics with voice/app (optional gesture)
> Have features to automate stuff, like turn on something if something happens (IFTTTish)
> Easily play music from Spotify or something similar, e.g. " * Play some Tchaikovsky."
> Simple alarm and reminder features.

So far I have seen relays and other devices that you add in the wiring and they connect to wifi. They work surprisingly well, but whatever I came across also collects personal user data.

Also not aware of any google home and alexa alternative that can so seamlessly pick up commands through ambient noise.

What are your thoughts and views?

P. S. I would have picked up something like this as my side project, but I don't see my self having that much free time atleast for the next 4-5 months.

What are the different ways by which an Android can play an audio?
I was recently doing a research on Android audio. And i wanted to know which libraries are responsible for audio/video play.

As far as i know media player and exo player are the two libraries which can be used to play user variety of audio/video files, application's raw/asset files and online stream files. Are there any other sounds beside system sounds which i forgot or other libraries which are also used for media playing?

And also what about these system files? Can we access system ringtones and notifications/ alarm tunes in a normal, non-rooted phone? I remember that my previous phone's music player (android kitkat maybe) was able to pick some system ringtones. Is it still possible now(android lollipop nd above) ?

Although i guess music in Android assets or raw files of some other app won't be accessable to my app, unless i am having screen record permissions?

School bus, why must you alarm me oh so very loudly that I can't stay in my room, sipping coffee and coding, for the entire day...

As free software I guess you have to not be pedantic, but still felt like this was unnecessary when I feel like I having nothing to do with this political change nor will I have the ability or inclination to actively do something about it.

AV heuristics toggle alarms on a program I created. I did not know that I integrated some virus features. Lovely.

WTF seriously...
For a week or so, I have had my alarms on silent on my Android phone. Have been too lazy to figure out what's wrong. Thought that maybe the ringtone file has been deleted or something like that.
Just now I saw these settings where you can set your alarm to SILENT!

WHAT THE FUCK SERIOUSLY? WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER WANT TO HAVE THEIR ALARM CLOCK ON SILENT?????

Why do we dream 5 minutes before waking up? (or more specifically, after the first alarm) :(
I had such a nice dream but sleeping longer would mean being late for work :-/

for anyone interesed about the content of my dream: Had a girlfriend who actually loved me...

Home automation
Lights turning on at the same time the wake up alarm goes off, blinds up and such
Centralized and shared calendar in the living room
And stuff that could bring me to jail (I've never done that and I'll never do it, I swear)
Maybe

I am working on a new version of Alarmify an Alarm that uses Spotify Music on iOS. But I‘m still not finished, because I completely rewrote it and it took more time than I had.

I hope I can finish it this fall 😊

The time when you code,
Or you build a road,
Waiting for file to download...

Debugging like a horse,
Watching every course,

And suddenly the alarm rings,
And your mind dings,

You have to study now.

You know it's here. You know it's coming. You wait patiently in hopes you don't have to update. But it will happen. One moment you look away from your phone, the alarm goes off, and now, there's nothing you can still do.

WELCOME TO IOS 10.3 BETA 4 HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW EMOJIS!!

Threading gui's and sockets...
What a painful day...

I honestly hate python dependency hell.

Started coding in python 2 months back, currently working on a distributed alarm system using rpi3's spent the whole day figuring out how to use it all without them all crashing into one another...

Feel like shit, can't focus on work, exam coming up in about 2 weeks...
These stupid numerical algorithms are easy, and yet I manage to get stuck on every shitty little detail, I panic, and I completely lose focus.

This shit has been destroying my academic career... Can't focus properly anymore, cannot study even the simplest things - things that I used to do off the top of my head just a year ago.

My sleep schedule is FUBAR, it's a miracle if I manage to stick to the same timezone for three nights in a row.

Yet I'm still learning new things, trying out stuff and solving problems. Just not the ones that I need to pass my exams.
And before anyone says that university is useless and whatnot: I'm studying aerospace engineering.
I love it, I'm having great fun, learning amazing things, and I've met a lot of amazing people thanks to it. It's one of the few choices in life that I am certain of, and would gladly repeat over and over again.

I've burned myself out from stress, far harder and longer than I've ever done before, and I cannot figure out a way to recover from it.
I've been doing better in the last month or so, but I still cannot get any proper work done, and this is gonna bite me in the ass really hard, once again.

Funny story: I had 3 days of break between the end of the previous semester and the beginning of this one. 3 days of pure freedom.
In those 3 days, I spontaneously reverted to a normal sleep schedule (didn't even need an alarm clock) and felt like a mountain had been lifted off my shoulders.

A year ago I had no idea what truly panicking in the middle of an exam felt like.
My mind had never gone completely blank.
I had no idea what impaired cognitive ability felt like.
This shit is scary.

Why do our minds have to make things so complicated?

Wish me luck. Starting today on building a modular CCTV camera and alarm system for my home.
Gonna try to integrate accelerometers on the windows to detect when the glass vibrates too much or for too long, as opposed to sonic glassbreak sensors, which also trigger upon my son crying.

Fire alarm goes off in my building at 1.30am this morning, then continues on until 3am until someone remembered the code to turn it off.

Turns out it was a false alarm... For the fourth time this month.

I've now arrived at the conclusion our fire alarm is sentient and becomes enraged by people sleeping.

Concentrating will be fun today...

As of this week, recruiters have been calling the company office number that I work for.

The first time this happened was Monday and of course, I answered my office phone after it was redirected from the support team. It was a man with an English accent offering me a job in Luxembourg. I politely said no thanks as I had no intention of uprooting. Plus, I was sure that he had no idea of my technical skills. The nerve of these insects.

Today, it happened again. The phone rang. It was my colleague. He said, "there is a guy looking for you. He sounds English". Alarm bells went off straight away. I replied, "He is a recruiter, I don't know anyone with an English accent. Ask him what he wants.".

He claimed to be from a company I previously worked for and had been requested to contact me, but would not say from which company that was. Sneaky bastard!

My colleague said the number came from a company called Theta Partners in Great Britain.

I think I need to prepare a good response to the recruiter, if it happens again. Any suggestions?

Which of the following is related to Alert Protocol in SSL?
A. SELECT, ALARM
B. ALERT, ALARM
C. WARNING, FATAL
D. FATAL, ALARM
E. SELECT, FATAL
F. I don't always use SSL

So, the story starts with me getting a job. Full-time job for the first time in my 21 years old life. After short conversation about how amazing this company is, after countless lies and stood questions they decided to hire me. I had to get come on Monday a week later with everything prepared.

So of course I did that and got to my workplace on designated time. Turned out nobody was expecting me, nothing was prepared for a new programmer and everyone seemed angry at me for no apparent reason.

After long talk with my new boss I got some less than 100$ pc with CPU that couldn't handle virtualization and expected me to work on software that needed extensive use of virtual machine.

PC is of course filled with all kinds of spying software that uses most of the resources. IT teams only job is to check if programmers are working their assess off for at least 8 hours a day.

I've filled a ticket about granting me access to Debian machine on the mainframe so I could work. No response for two weeks. I've lost hope already.

I have to work on open space with more than 30 engineers. Screams, phone calls, alarms, all at once, all the time. My colleagues seem to not care and I can't understand how.

I was tasked with rewriting major application because old developer did some half assed piece of burning shit. It took him more than one year, I'm finishing it in less than two weeks.

Of course nobody except for me is preparing any kinds of documentation. I had to reverse-engineer whole API for alarm system.

Salary is less than a junior programmer should earn.

But I'm stuck here for at least a year because nobody's here wants a guy whose only experience is as a freelancer.

<?php
date_default_timezone_set('Asia/Kolkata');
$current_time = date('Y-m-d H:i:s');
$alarm = new DateTime('2016-06-13 04:05:00');
if( $current_time == $alarm)
{
wake_up();
eat('suhur');
pray('fajr');
browse('devRant');
browse('Instagram');
sleep(18000);
}

shower();
goto('friends office');
browse('YouTube');
work(14400);
pray('zuhr');
pray('asr');
goto('gym');
exercise(5400);
goto('home');
pray('maghrib');
eat('iftaar/dineer');
pray('isha');
goto('store');
work(7200);
goto('home');
sleep(7200);

?>

I can't wait for the release of Snips Air sometime in 2019 so that I can stop using my Google home. It's not even the privacy concern that bugs me, it's the stupid shit like alarm management. To preface, I've had a Google home since late last year and since I got it the alarms have been nothing but trouble. More than half the time when I ask it when my next alarm is, it will respond with "You have an alarm for Friday at 7pm that is going off right now" (At the time of this response it was Tuesday). Then snoozing sometimes just doesn't work, I told it to snooze for 10 minutes, it worked just fine. Then today I made the mistake of asking it to snooze a second time which responded with "Sure, snoozing for 5 minutes", I wake up 45 minutes later, and ask "Hey Google, when's my next alarm?", it responds "You have an alarm today for 7:00 snoozed until 7:15". I have an exam today so luckily I didn't sleep in too late but againg this isn't the first occurence. To prevent this I normally just have a backup alarm on my phone and the one on my phone will wake me up in case something happens. On top of that though I've had rarer cases where it will delete all my alarms and I'll have to go command by command reminding of each alarm. That's just alarms though, I also have it control several IoT devices, and me having to use IFTTT requires the utmost precision in my phrasing otherwise it won't understand ( although this issue is mainly due to how the assistant service trigger on IFTTT is configured ). It still does much better than Siri ( at least my home can set alarms unlike my mac ), I have yet to try Alexa though. Of course my last problem is the hotword, saying "Hey Google" is much better than "Ok Google" but it's still excessive when I have to repeat it for each individual command. This is why I'm so excited for snips air, a set of devices that look pretty great, hackable, and as a bonus much more private that the current options. I realize that I could get a dev kit or set up snips on a pi but the dev kit isn't exactly visually appealing and I doubt I could get something that looks or functions half decent on the pi.

Once I wrote a tool to help convert alarm messages from an excel sheet into an xml file with other specific things included.

My colleague (who is very proficient at coding in his chosen system) while I was writing said tool asked why I was commenting code as it was basic!

I asked him to work out what my code was doing (it wasn't mega complex) he spent a long time googling!

I just realised that one of my alarms this weekend was set to 10:24.

Last night I came back from work completely drained, as usual, and thought to myself - "I'll just lie down for a second..." Next thing my alarm wakes me up 12 hours later - "What the... Again?!?"

It was just my biannual collapse from exhaustion. Now I'm good to go for at least six more months. Yay...

This is what happens when you have been working only on "critical" and "we have to do this or the company sinks" projects (are there any other kinds anyway?) for the past 10 years with NO rest between jobs and NO leisure vacations taken...

Funnily enough, this event coincides with my futile biannual introspective analysis on things I did wrong in my life.

Now back to saving the company...

Hmm most incompetent co-worker? That would be the guy with a degree in IT who couldn't create a stored procedure without needing a team leader to tell him which keys to press. We were not his first employer and allegedly he had experience...

Perhaps this would be fine, learning curve and all that, for the first few weeks but when a simple select statement was still causing problems alarm bells rang loud. He got attached to the test team for a week before being sat down with the boss....

Bast way to quickly recover focus and get to work after waking up early ?

So friday night, kids and wife asleep, no alarm for tomorrow, spotify works (VPN does what it should do), tasks went well this week (nothing is burning, nobody is pissed off), good time to learn something new... any suggestions? PARTY HARD!!!

Oh thank you helicopter for being the nastiest alarm clock...