I went to Paris for my first interview (that was 1989) for a job of Unix kernel developer. All dressed up. I step out of the elevator and see a young punk with scruffy hair and different colour shoes. I reckon he must be the pizza delivery guy. I ask him "dude, can you please point me to the CEO's office for interview". He said "sure, follow me man, I'll show you". We arrive at a desk, he sat down in the big chair and looks at me with a big smile and says "Ok dude, here we are. I am the CEO. Now let's see how good you are!"
I got the job. And 26 years latet, last week, amazing coincidence: I met him again at a trade show in Paris ... with the same coloured shoes. How cool is that!!!

Be more passive

I always get involved in everything, at every company. Not to further my career through ass-kissing and overperforming.

I regularly piss off people. When C-level has a discussion about strategy, I'm usually ahead of them, ask too many questions, criticize every detail they've missed, cause frustration by making them look incompetent.

Can't help it, when I see retards destroy a great product I have to intervene.

Some people appreciate it. I often defend both devs and end users, when others don't dare speak up.

But fuck it, I'm getting older. I'm gonna coast a bit more. Sit back, relax.

If a product manager doesn't prepare enough tasks — that's cool, I still have a Factorio savegame to work on.

If another team designs an incredibly stupid feature — they'll discover the issues eventually by themselves. Maybe I'll warn once, just to be nice.

*Pours another chocolate milk*

Also gonna spend at least 4h/d with my daughter. She's a better human than most of my coworkers, and the work we do using her Legos is honestly more important for humanity than the Jira backlog.

I started to get super pissed off to people saying you don’t need a college, masters degree to get an IT job. Instead go and gain practical knowledge, showing your practical certificates projects is much better than a having a degree that doesn’t prove if you can do the job or not.

Is a degree absolutely necessary to get a job? No, I agree on that. You can tear yourself apart to be known make projects loads of people contribute in GitHub spend maybe years on practicing and creating stuff for your portfolio..

But excuse me what do you think people do in college studying degrees? Are we getting it from the shop in the corner on a Saturday?

Respect people’s achievements and titles. Especially Masters degrees push you hard, make you sweat apart from loads of courses you work at least a year on a practical project, dissertation, thesis and only pass if it is your own opinion and findings. It is not like a multiple choice exam certificate or you study watch videos for few months and create a web page.

Don’t throw shit on people’s efforts and accomplishments without knowing how it is achieved just because you don’t have it.

Yes it is not necessary. Does it make you learn? Yes! Is it practical? Yes! Does it help you get a job? Hell yes! Why most companies look for degrees? Do you think they might know what it takes to get it and the skills and knowledge you gain?

Don’t come and say in IT degrees not worth it without even knowing how to draw UML. Without knowing IT management you go and be a leader later on, no clue on how to manage projects, people and soft skills sweeping the floor.

It doesn’t matter if you are a YouTube celebrity or a president. What does the title say? “Master” now go, respect and digest it! Don’t be a sour loser.

Ooh I am fierce today and not done yet

Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?

Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones

Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?

Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—

Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!

*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*

Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!

Dev: …

Powered by Plutonium™️

ATWOOD's Law

What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe? 200 Dollars.

Anyone remember my rant about Go and GTK? Well, the main problem was that it was 3 AM, I've since completed it, and have begun to refactor that spaghetti mess.

I feel so good right now.

Sometimes it be like that...

Everyone's playing Plague Inc.

Due to Coronavirus (COVID19) all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshake.

They removed the salt and pepper shakers from the tables in the cantine, because they are sources of infections.

...buuuut they keep an open salad bar.

Only you dumb cunts could turn Coronavirus into a tech repost. Fuck you.

“Debugging” is like being the detective in a crime drama where you are also the murderer.

Me to my parents, aunts & uncles, and grandparents:

When ur avatar desperately trying to hold it together

Client: Hi Johny, we finnaly finished design of our eshop. Half of year of hard work. Can you code it in week? We have deadline. :(
I: Sure, i can code in speed of light.
Client: How about money?
I: Tripple of sallary.
Client: What?
I: My sallary also grow in speed of light.

Some clients can not understand they can't throw shits on my head. Take it, hire someone else or stop giving mi impossible conditions.

Just started teaching my brother some programming. He is the type of guy that is always outside and almost never uses a computer.

So after teaching him a lot on dictionaries, ifs, etc. I ask him to make a dictionary app.

This is how he proceeds to name his variables:

var theOne = new Dictionary
var f***face = Console.ReadLine()

if (theOne.Contains(f***face)) {

var faffaf = Dictionary[f***face]
Console.Write(faffaf)

}

(Note this is simplified C#)

This is after I told him a few times that you should name your variables so others can understand what they are.

Please Please Please remove your shitty ass 'console.log' before commit i don't need your fucking "debug mode" in production

I think Suicide Linux is a little heavy handed. Really? One mistake erases your hard drive? Please, let's make things interesting.

I would rather use Casino Linux.... try your luck. Any mistake sets a random single bit on your computer to 0. You could be lucky and it would set unused memory to 0, doing nothing. You could be an unlucky bastard and corrupt everything. You could be a super unlucky bastard and corrupt something important and only find out much, much too late.

I'm asking for $90,000 to start my business for 2% share of my company

My Love I am writing to you from the front lines roughly 1 month into Microsoft Access. I hope you are doing alright and no harm has found you.

You might have heard the news that it has not been going well for us. The truth is we were not prepared in any way for this. We are constantly facing problems with the code and when we understand one function another two are referenced inside of that function.

The high command does not provide us guidance, truth be told I do not think they know what their application is doing. I am surprised we got this far. Our new objective is to focus our primary forces on the if/else and cases. The name for this assault is "Operation Logical Function" and I fear for my life as I do not know what is in those cases or where the road will lead.

Morale is very low, many of the soldiers spend time writing letters to their loved ones, recreating their blog for the 5th time or just daydreaming when they were free from this tyranny of legacy war.

For now , I long to be in your arms and smell your lilac and gooseberries cologne I love so much

My love and thoughts always with you , your John

Definitely!

😂😂

Next level of Google Translate

Am I the only one?
Do {
I want to know EVERY FUCKN SKILL A DEV CAN POSSIBLYHAVE, but I want to know it all NOW..
googling 30 times for tutorials and posts about a topic,
opening 30 tabs,
then spending around 30 seconds on each one ...
Trying 1-2 tutorials,
not understanding why I dont get this shit...
this is stupid
loosing interest in 3..2..1...
Aaand let's try and learn this new skill..
} while(true)

Welp

Samsung Keyboard is utter shit.
GBoard (Google Keyboard) is like a ray of sunshine in comparison.

The Samsung keyboard actually changes whole words to completely different words. It even replaces words with misspellings. No, these were not words I had misspelled before. Tried to turn off autocorrect and keep suggestions. They are the SAME setting. Like if you are going to make a shitty ass version of the GBoard, at least keep the same ability to tweak settings.

In contrast I installed GBoard and was able to disable JUST autocorrect and keep suggestions.

Just like most Samsung apps Samsung Keyboard is utter shit.

FUCK YOU SAMSUNG!

Now this is cute.

Just experienced a static website giving me a session expired message...
What a time to be alive.

!dev

Two people are arguing about what time he texted her for like 2 min now..

Both of them hold their smartphones in their hands..

JUST UNLOCK YOUR PHONES AND CHECK THE FACTS!!

Donate to Wikipedia one time and they haunt you for life. They’ll send you email after email and they are all rather ridiculous. On top of that be prepared to be hounded by phone as well. They are the equivalent of a roadside bum that keeps asking you for more, and each time you give he says, “Is that all you got?”. Frack whoever put this strategy in place, they’ve annoyed me to the point where I’d rather not give again.