When you finally get the team running on git and your boss gives you a bitbucket to commemorate

*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

Just found this gem in instrumentation book.

Lego for programmers

...
Person me = new Person();
me.setAge(20);
int newAge = me.getAge();
System.out.println("Happy birthday! " +me.getName+ "You are now " newAge+ " years old!");

Happy birthday to me!😎🎊🎉🍻

(Probably stupid code 😂)

"Privacy reminder: This website uses cookies, and if you delete them, you'll have to click away this reminder again and again."

Coding Teacher: "you'll need your laptops for the exam. To prevent you from cheating I'll disable the network now"

...pulls out the network cable on his machine...

"okay you can start now"
🤦🏻‍♂️

Got a new job! And a title bump. 😎

e = mc^2

My first software teacher almost made me quit programming for life.

She spent the entire year not showing us how to make a shity app in visual basic. Zero help. We all hated it.

At the end of the year and she realised she had 'forgotten' to teach us 70% of the course. We all failed miserably! I didn't touch programming for almost 3 years. (unless you could MATLAB, which I don't).

That was when I discovered Mehran Sahami's CS106A course on the Stanford website. Honestly the best teacher I've never met! His passion is boundless and mastery of teaching is second to none. Thanks to him I discovered programming and I love it! Karol the robot should get a special mention too!

Good teachers make the world of difference.

Dear Developers,

A. Please put your fucking functions in files with names related to the purpose of the functions.

B. Don't define your database management methods in your goddamn configuration file.

C. In addition, fucking document your shit at the top of the file if you refuse to abide by request A.

Someone is going to maintain or modify this code after you, and that person will have a hell of a time with it.

Am I the only one who thinks that with all the scripting languages starting programming becomes to easy and so learning really good programming is getting nearly impossible because every tutorial is made for total n00bs and every forum is full of: hey my hello world programs isn't working?

Ps:I have no problem with people starting programming with languages like c# and python, I think just there are too many people saying that they are programmers just because they wrote hello world.

Pps: sry 4 my English.

"Hey would you like to subscribe to this hammer? It's only $10 a month whether you use it or not." -Jetbrains

Subscriptions for tools and IDE's is bullshit.

First time I was scared and decided not to use a ATM machine, since that piece of shit Windows device notified me about some new USB hardware detected :)

The new guy took homeopathic "medicine" today ... how can I respect him as a human being now?

Turns out my 4chan image scraper has been running for 6 months without interruptions. I now have 106k pictures and webms of highly questionable content on my harddrive. This is how Oppenheimer must have felt.

Someone is testing on production...

Has anyone ever used the "it's not a bug it's a feature" line?

You might have noticed a pattern in my rants

The ability to undo is a gift to mankind...

My sticker ripped, and it became Canadian

Illuminating...

!rant
one of my teachers kept saying that Cardiff was in England.

I shall refer to the client as cunt for the purposes of this rant. All design work signed off. Near completion of project, cunt sends an email moving stuff around and changing the design. I send the cunt an email telling him that I will review his requests and send a quote through detailing cost implications and extra time added to his deadline to complete. Cunt says he wasn't aware there would be extra costs. I refer the cunt back to the quote and contract which clearly distinguishes the design phase and build phase explaining change control. Not heard back from said cunt.

Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...

You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????

WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.

MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT

This is gold. This developer has a bold captcha solution.

:/

Shakira as a programmer : Heaps don't lie

147 Day to release Java 9! Are you ready ??😎

It successfully updated after 5 hour ! Thanks god