100% Real. And it's not even the worst on the site.

Those are actually real suggestions. I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

My mom got audited for storing sensitive client information in her gmail account without using a vpn or any other real security.

I had been telling her this was an issue for literally the last three years and shes brushed me off every time.

I got yelled at for not telling her I was serious.

To those who say game is not an art, we paint worlds with ones and zeros in real time that you can get lost in for hours. If this is not art, nothing is.

Boss: For next project I suggest we use webassembly
Me: Why not use real assembly

I like you if you're not a dev.

I like you if you're a dev.

I don't like you if you're not a dev but you try to act one.

Ok guys. I'm not only rejected by girls in real life but also when it comes to playing chess online with a stranger :D :D

Learn git. For real. Not just git pull and git push. Setup git with a mergetool and do the gitimmersion tutorial. Be the gitmaster!

Bought my first two real Servers Today, not the best but I fulfilled a dream I ever had!

This kind of bullshit advertising is the reason everybody thinks we can do that every new whimp of the client within a few minutes.

Fuck off! Making real custom websites/apps takes time, planning, design, coding and testing. Its not just pressing a few buttons.

Translation: Make a website? 30 minutes.

This is not a joke. This is not something I wrote to be funny. This is not found randomly off the internet. This is a real part of the project I inherited: a function that not only is more cumbersome to use than the simple <Array>.contains that it wraps, but rather than returning the boolean result from the function, sends it through an if statement and returns hardcoded true and false values for... Good luck? I guess?

The real battle of distros......😂😂 even till now I have not settled on a Linux distro to use I am always testing them(for 3 years)

Fucking wix advertisements! Getting real tired of the "want a website? Why not make it yourself?" ads. You're already logging all my fucking google searches to display relevant ad info so maybe wrap your head around the fact that I'm a web dev and make my own fucking sites??

The real reason why I am not able to work...

Germany

It's:
"oh cool. you must have good job perspectives."

Or:
"you just use a computer. that's not real work. do a job where you use your muscles. lazy student."

And the best:
"Can you gift me with computer parts for free" or "can you copy program XY for me? It cost to much."

HTML is part of something more! 😎

About two years ago I get roped into a something when someone was requesting an $8000 laptop to run an "program" that they wrote in Excel to pull data from our mainframe.

In reality they are using our normal application that interacts with the mainframe and screen scrapping it to populate several Excel spreadsheets.

So this guy kept saying that he needed the expensive laptop because he needed the extra RAM and processing power for his application. At the time we only supported 32 bit Windows 7 so even though I told him ten times that the OS wouldn't recognize more than 3.5 GB of RAM he kept saying that increasing the RAM would fix his problem. I also explained that even if we installed the 64 bit OS we didn't have approval for the 64 bit applications.

So we looked at the code and we found that rather than reusing the same workbook he was opening a new instance of a workbook during each iteration of his loop and then not closing or disposing of them. So he was running out of memory due to never disposing of anything.

Even better than all of that, he wanted a faster processor to speed up the processing, but he had about 5 seconds of thread sleeps in each loop so that the place he was screen scrapping from would have time to load. So it wouldn't matter how fast the processor was, in the end there were sleeps and waits in there hard coded to slow down the app. And the guy didn't understand that a faster processor wouldn't have made a difference.

The worst thing is a "dev" that thinks they know what they are doing but they don't have a clue.

There should be a name for rants about fake stories. Like the ones you read and can smell some bs going on. I suggest frants.

Dear "managers,"

Stealing credit for something you have not done is real theft.

When I come up with an idea and a detailed outline of how to build and deliver it, you do not get to say "oh I also had this idea." You did not. How could you? It uses tech you don't even know exists.

When I then proceed to build the whole thing on my own without any of your inputs (then again, you have no idea of how it works, what would you bring to the table), you don't get to parade my project in front of the board not even mentioning my name.

You see, it's not the first time you pull that off, you have taken full credit for every thing.

it's not just my wee feelings getting hurt for lack of recognition: it has real world consequences.

You get the promotion, you get the salary raise and you now live in a flat with a balcony and a view, while my wife and I share a studio as my salary has not budged.

You're a cunting thief, I hope your mom dies.

Best,

X

If you are not wasting your 10hours to automate your half hour work then you are not a real programmer.

Me-
/ / / / / / / / /
if (bool == true)
{
bool = false;
}
if (bool == false)
{
bool = true;
}
/ / / / / / / / /

My friend-
/ / / / / / / / /
bool = !bool;
/ / / / / / / / /

*not a real story*

As a frontend dev, i love watching our backend devs sometimes go like "hey come on it's just css I can do it real quick, let me do it this time" and get super frustrated with failure. Buddy, one of the reasons frontend is not so easy is that it can be real fucking annoying. I'm keeping my distance and respect for your side so stay the fuck away from my dance floor.

Let's settle this:
Blockchain is just a dumb database, the feature that makes it amazing is trust-less ness.

Its not meant to make a decentralised uber or a Tic-tac-toe game.

Leverage the advantages of the system and solve real problem.

Just discovered that we are loading 200k for a custom font on one of our platforms...

200k FOR A FUCKING FONT?!? FOR REAL??? ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING DIFFERENT ON SIGHT!

So I sarcastically asked why the fuck are we using it and my coworker said its because the designer designed (duh) the layout this way...

Look... Usually I'm a quiet person and I don't rant in real life but this time I could not restrain myself.

Guy: We should build a Blockchain based review website.
Me: Why does it have to use a Blockchain?
Guy: That way we can verify that only real people are leaving reviews and not bots.
Me: That's not really how Blockchains work.
Guy: Blockchain!

No... No... No!

The game engine is not in charge of code optimisation, if your program runs like ass; it is 99% going to be your fault...

Sick of seeing people judge engines because of the poorly optimised things made in them by half assed developers... Why do the good things never get any attention where the shit gets all of it... Why?!

(Just had someone crack the shits at me because I'm not using a 'real' engine and am not a a 'real' developer because I'm not using unreal... So I'm in a fan-fucking-tastic mood after that :-D)

Everybody talks about burnout syndrome or crappy tech interviews, but not about a real struggle for devs, bubbles in their laptop stickers.

> Last year of study
> I see a new face
> Maybe new friend?
> He asked me what am I doing in live
> Front-end my friend :)
> So you are not real programmer :O
> Wtf with these people
> Should I kill him?

I don't have any laptop stickers. I don't know if that makes me insane or one of the non-crazy people. I just don't like the idea of turning my laptop into a Nascar of tech companies/frameworks/bad Linux jokes. Not to mention stickers can be a real pain to get off.

Let's have a real debate.

Not Linux vs Windows vs Mac.

Not Vim vs Emacs.

Not ASP.NET vs Spring Frameworks.

NO.

CHARACTER LIMIT. 80, 100, or 120+ and WHY.

Installing arch real quick...

Reboots, not working...

Shit. Forgot GRUB.

Emulation is like a masturbation... It's nice but it's just not the real thing

Never had a client who has not done this...

"Yes I know we are releasing tomorrow but do you mind if we make these 46 tiny changes real quick?"

Quite the hotfix

TFW someone tells you that you're not a "real frontend developer" and then repeatedly asks for CSS help... 😒

[OC] Don't let the nature get to you only as a pixels on your screen!

Free your mind and don't forget the real world is out there, waiting for you to help you think, calm yourself and please you in the silence of a forest ~

No fans spinning

Why is it so important to some people to claim that "HTML and CSS are not programming languages"? I get it, you're a REAL programmer working with arrays, maybe tuples, objects and possibly direct memory management. Who the fuck has a right to call themselves a programmer for writing some brain dead markup or poorly designed selectors, right? Who fucking cares for semantic tags or nested selectors?

Just think for a few seconds about when you were taking your first baby steps to becoming the GOD ROCKING MEMORY HANDLER THAT WRITES _REAL_ CODE that you are today, and how good it felt to be able to create something that appeared on your screen. It felt pretty awesome, yeah?

Now imagine if someone much more experienced than you told you "You're not a real programmer, that is not real programming. You should see what I do, I do real programming".

I think you get it. Why spend your energy spreading bad vibes when you could spend it on something more productive. Like reading up on the new CSS4 specs ;)

This is for real, not the meme part though

Is there an app for devs who are looking for a flat. Something like devRent?

Finally I could get the correct computer :)

Just missing the raised arm for the screens instead of desk stands

(ok,my real desk is not transparent but it was to cool to not take ;) )

When a programmer is in love,
He doesn't care about the UI, but cares about the algorithm and functionality.

In real life, he care about what is inside, not the physical appearance. :)

I hope I can code myself like below.

me.Girlfriend = true;
me.Millionare = true;

but, the real case is

me.Girlfriend = false;
me.Millionare = false;

the sadest case is

me.Girlfriend is not defined T.T

I'm so close to giving up. Yesterday, I travelled 4 hours in one direction for a job interview for a graduate position as a web developer. As I arrived at the interview, I was welcomed by a senior dev and one of the HR people.

I sit down and they start explaining how everything will commence(standard procedure stuff) and afterwards hand me the technical test. At this time I am super calm cause I did my homework, checked out their products, their websites and knew right away what I was going to work on. As I turn the page, I see at the top with huge fucking capital letters "JAVA OOP test".

I take a minute and look back at them, like wtf is happening. Turns out that they are looking for a java dev. They picked me for the role because I had literally 1 fucking sentence in my CV and where I have said that I studied java in one semester of uni. FYI my entire portfolio, cv and cover letter are focused on JS, html, css both for client and server side.

As the fucking HR guy stood there and asked me "is there something wrong", I felt broken inside. For the first time in my fucking life I felt like I was done and couldn't continue anymore. I felt like this is some bitch-slap from karma about something but I still can't figure out what. I just walked out of there being unable to realize what happened.

I just feel like I should end my developer career before it has even started, just go do business analysis or something. Why the fuck would someone put a job description entirely talking about Angular, Less/SASS, bootstrap and jQuery and then say that is a Java dev OOP role. Who the fuck allows those people to take good salaries yet still deliver the up most shittiest quality service.

Before the interview, I checked out their websites which are simply horrendous with the comparability of a fucking baked potato. Idk really what to do, I don't mean to sound as a whiny little b.... but as I walked out of their office, I felt broken inside. Sorry for the long rant.

Not sure if those are real song names or Spotify is trolling me when I try to trigger a "no results" UI in my app.

This meeting is not real. There is no spoon

My most successful project was the uni project I had to do and it made me pass the subject hahaha, not that that would count as a real project :/

Okay this was rather depressing...
I should finally start doing something on my own

Fuck startups.

Back when I was an wee lad I interviewed for an startup, not knowing that startups are not real companies. The scumbag interviewer, who was also the owner of the outfit, asked me what I was looking in a company. I said "fair wages, a non-antagonic environment and projects with real roadmaps".
He asked me to elaborate. I said, "You know, if today your product is a sales platform, I do not want to come into work next week and discover it is now an air travel tickets marketplace, or come back the very next day and discover it is now an automated pizza factory, or in the next day and it is now a crypto exchange..."

The scumbag looked PISSED. "Sorry, but we are looking for someone who likes the challenges of a dynamic environment (read: we do not have a business model and we hate the very idea of trying to make money out of our company), and you do not fit the profile"

Startups are not real companies, i.e. they do not systematically charge money in exchange for goods or services in amounts that exceed the cost of providing said goods or services. Most startups are just tax fronts for money laundering schemes. The rest are just playthings for rich assholes who can't get a real output-producing job. Those two categories are not mutually exclusive.

Take Facebook, for example. The poster child of startups. The Zucker that owns it just announced they are setting impossible performance targets on purpose, not even attempting to hide the fact that it is just a way to lay off large quantities of employees without using the words "massive lay offs". Companies, real thin-margin, lots-of-regulation profit-driven companies do not do that. They are not some sort of "capitalist woke", real CEOs just know that if their companies largely miss performance targets on their tenure, purposely or not, next it will be their neck on the chopping block. Because they can be fired if the KPI charts say they suck. But the Zucker cannot be fired, not even after commanding their beanbag and tap beer offices to be heated exclusively by burning hundred dollar bills.
So the Zucker is not interested in performance. Not even in lay offs as expense cutting measures - investors are an infinite source of free money for startups. The Zucker just wants to project power, especially now that engineers are not so confident in the stability of they high-paying jobs.

So are irrelevant 500-souls-or-less self-aggrandizing startups. Their owners are there because it is in vogue to have a startup or ten. And will have that startup pivot to whatever sounds fancy that season. After all, only poor people care about things like EBITDA and profit margins repeatability - A.K.A. "getting more money".

Fuck startups.

While I was working with my Android project that is written on Kotlin. One of my on non-tech colleague came and saw my screen and

said "Why are you overriding fun"

I replied him that we just not override fun we also have private fun and public fun.

Is it not funny translating code to real English 😂😂😂

After solving a lot of problems in codeforces and participating in ACM to make my code the most optimised..
* In my first real job. *
Client: Your program run so fast!! I can't feel if it's doing something or not. Please make a delay of 1 second in your program! 😇
Me: 🙂🙂🙂🙂

It is time. I have to admit it.

I don't understand Git.

I just memorized some basic commands: git commit, git push, git push -u origin master, git clone, git checkout [-B], git merge. That's it, that's the full list. I use them like they're some kind of magic spells that do what I need. Everything else, those intricacies like rebasing, resetting, HEAD and all that shit, is beyond me.

I'm not a real programmer. Real programmers know Git.

Mom: “Is it a real company? Make sure you’re not getting scammed.”

Says the person who almost had her bank account wiped because a scammer installed malware on her laptop and convinced her to send a bank transfer.

My biggest coding distraction are my imaginary friends

Start changing how young people look at programming. It’s not nerds doing nerdy things, it’s about real people using code to solve real problems. I think once the mindset changes it will get many more people interested.

Other developers thinking that PHP is not a real programming language.

Not a coworker, but this guy who I went to uni with and was a real life saver when I was really down. (we played minecraft together)

... So, he is a real genius. One of those guys who I legit couldn't keep up with. His brain works, he doesn't bullshit his way through, he's not pretentious, he is legit a down to earth rare genius. Yet, he doesn't use his talents enough, he likes to work or go home to play minecraft. And he doesn't politically care enough, so I am almost sure that he will end up getting stuck in the defence force.

We're still friends. And I try my hardest to not be nosy and nag at him that he can do better. I mean, he is happy the way he is, and he is not ambitious. But the memory of him is a reminder that not everyone who gets somewhere is the best and brightest.

A sign in front of startup office:
Do not feed the developers! We keep them on a soylent diet - eating real food might make them question their life choices.

I'm thirteen, and we have an excel unit in our computer class. When she's want to teach us something, she'd deploy her screen on ours and we couldn't do anything. It took me until the third time (yes, that long) to remember the connection was wired via Ethernet. I took the cord out and my computer was free! During the boring "lesson," I opened Code::Blocks to work on a fun side project. When she notice she wasn't connecting to my computer, she walked over to my chair and saw Code::Blocks on my screen. Then, I noticed her behind me. I quickly pressed ALT+TAB. She walked back to her chair. To this day I swear she thinks Im a hacker.

It's a week late notice but...
I got my first actual-real-paid-not start-up dev job!
And I have no one to celebrate it with... Toronto..?

The new guy took homeopathic "medicine" today ... how can I respect him as a human being now?

Today on forgotten movies – Chronicle.

A very grim, very dark movie about accidental superpowers discovery, but with some school-shooter vibes.

Don't you find it predictable how in regular movies a hero saves the world against all odds in the very last moment? Well, forget about it here – this movie is not "cinematic" at all, and that's what I like about it.

A horror in regular movies doesn't usually scare because the image itself is too perfect – you don't usually see the world like this. It doesn't seem real, that's the problem. By adopting the "found footage" screen language, Chronicle delivers the horror perfectly, because the world in it seems perfectly real, just like you see it through obscure youtube videos named MOV_0115 or IMG1014.

I like it that the characters actually look like real people, not like stereotypical superheroes and not even like enhanced versions of people that try to sell you an idea of what "success" looks like.

People in the movie also act real. They're weak, they're scared, they're irrational, and you really start to believe that yeah, this is what probably gonna happen when a human faces something as unbearable as superpowers discovery. And, as weird as it sounds, the superpower itself also looks totally real – raw, unpolished, uncontrollable force that requires getting used to and probably is too much for a regular human. Definitely not a perfect, tailored thing that turns anyone into Mary Sue.

Overall, this movie is the most immersive one I've ever seen. If you want to see what would really happen if you discover a superpower, this movie is for you.

When your co-worker thinks the Onion is a legit publication and believes in all its tech news 😁

"OMG Google puts metal chips in their developers' heads, thats why they are so efficient"
Me: ok :|

"Artificial intelligence is real and it has taken over the world, all world leaders are bots"
Me: ok :|

"Obama is not a real person but a robot and he is not just ruling America but the world"
Me: sweet :|

"Even Lisa Ann is not real"
Me: FUCK YOU, Dont fuckin kill my wet dreams

why the fuck does my printer not work for linux. dammit! i tried everything and this piece of shit epson xp-400 dont want to print. im about to print a fucking sledge hammer to it real soon!

If only i could do this in a real interview... and not get kicked out...

Dear Mobile Designers,
There is a difference between mobile first and mobile preferred. Stop being lazy and take advantage of desktop real estate. My monitor is not a big ass tablet.
Thank you,
Desktop End User

I use this timer app... probably more than most people (for food). It works fine and looks nice but the undismissable warning message is a real eyesore. Why not just let me dismiss the message.... why...

Had to put down my dog today. I've felt real shitty before but this is my closest experience of loss I've had.

I miss her so much you guys. I'm sorry for bringing it down. You guys all feel like a real community so help me feel my feels and not just push it down.

Nobody in my family understand what I do for a living. My dad's reaction was; "that's not a real job". He's a craftsman/painter. But that's okay, I make more money then him 😊💵

Android Nougat's easter egg is cool. Not because of the result but your real time involvement​.

For fucks sake python.
Reminder to the morons like me still using python:
Notepad++ is not a real IDE and Console output is not a real debugger.

And here we see the absolutely dogshit worthless error output of python:

Says its the fucking return line where the problem is. Besides the problem being between my fucking ears apparently, it took a fucking double take to realize I had capitalized the class keyword.

I bought my first VPS today. After years of hosting my email, websites, databases and backups services on my own physical servers both home and in real serverrooms.

Strange feeling, but it feels like something heavy was lifted from myself, I do not need to buy hardware if something fails.

Finally had a "it's not a bug, it's a feature" moment today and called bullshit on it. I feel like a real developer now.

Stakeholder: Users are connecting invalid memberships to their web accounts. They shouldn’t be able to do that.

Me: Their memberships were valid when they set up the account. Your team’s record de-duping project is the issue here. You decided to mark those memberships as invalid.

I’m real tired of this stakeholder acting like this is a website issue or user error. Plus, this chaos could have been avoided if they and other involved stakeholders had just cc’d me on this de-duping project. I would have said their approach was not a good idea. But they didn’t because they want to do what’s convenient for them. If they want to be a reliable source of truth for our data, then they need to be responsible with how they’re handling that data.

Not behing payed after software is complete...
Whanted to go freelance when I was 20, got a 'real job ' and stopped programming for years...

I just got ran off the road, in real life. My heart won't stop beating. Not a joke, or a funny story, I can't seem to relax.

That fucking amazing feeling when something actually works in real life and not just in a simulation on a computer!

I am using do while ONLY on programming exercises. And do not remember a single case I have used it for anything real.

We are probably reading alot of "this co-worker was so bad because blah blah blah..." from people who actualy were the real shitty co-worker and are still blaming others for his/hers mistakes.
Not a week rant that i can trust...

Yet another bullshit app to cure your problems that have taken place by not talking to people. No app can give you the comfort equal to talking to a person that cares about you can give. Go talk to some real people ffs.

My problem with a lot of free resources/class assignments is we're being forced to make useless shit. For instance, an interactive textbook we use has some stupid fucking turtle assignments.

Why not make it something relevant? One of the first things i ever made was a Fahrenheit to Celcius converter. That's a real world application, since not many can calculate that math in their head.

Anyone else bombard by those treehouse ads? Fuck them, right? Takes us real devs years to become full stack engineers, not "six weeks"!!! Fucking scam.

Youtube coding influncers are shit and do not know anything about the real world coding....

Am I the only one who feels like this???

And aren’t there way too many of em????

First real PC (not a laptop)! Runs Arch (Manjaro) Linux!

not really a rant;
But I am a real fan of sci-fi stuff, and yesterday I tried star citizen for the first time (been backer since 2012).
I have not slept yet

Go to the vacation.

Return back to see all those useless features that should not be part of the MVP, that I have previously rejected multiple times, poorly implemented...

Now we have to maintain this shit, that nobody even uses in real life...

Fucking imaginary use cases...

Finally after a couple of years, we finally finished our game for... Windows phone. When we started the only real choice was to develop in silverlight.

Now silverlight has been discontinued and microsoft released uwp, no real help to convert to uwp (I know mobilize bridge exists, but it is not very good) since many features does not exist yet in uwp :/

But hey that's expected right? But couldn't microsoft at least ensure performance of silverlight apps on win10 mobile??? We have used a lot of time optimizing that the game runs smoothly on crap phones on wp8.1, but highend phones on win10 lags....

Thanks microsoft for taking a change :/

To over-comment or not is the real confusion.

How fucking stupid can people actually be?!
So a Swiss ISP called "Swisscom" is giving out a Picasso, like the real thing for you to keep at home for a few days or so... and they built sensors into the Frame... AND THEY HAVE A FUCKING PICTURE OF THE GPS SENSOR IN THE VIDEO! Thats not the worst... why not OPEN UP THE FRAME AND STEAL THE PICTURE?!

Either CloudFlare itself has decided to join the fun of attacking my DNS server, or somebody is just spoofing their IP in the UDP packets.
Crap, my ipset script is basically useless now, since the real source could be from anywhere :(

Any suggestions on what could I do to make this attack stop? It's not causing any real issues (at least for now), but it's still annoying as hell.
Get fucked, stupid skiddie who keeps manually changing the ip source in his script

I like to use programmer logic in everyday conversations, especially with not programmers, like

They: would you like coffee or cake?
Me: yes

The real question is "would you like coffee xor cake?"

That feeling when you create your first real program in Java (no, it was not hello world) and it compiles and works without any error...

Do HACKERS Always Wear Hoodies?
Not in movies ! Real life ...

Real programmers should not use Excel for anything.

My friend always told me not to use my real name as username. I ignored him. Now I realise why.

😨

This is the real times. This is not that it's happening right now, this is pretty regular. Lesson? Rethink before you decide the variable type

Is it real that github are changing master to main? Does this mean I need to call my dungeon master main now? She’s not going to be happy...

I just know where and how to search.
Does that make "NOT REAL PROGRAMMER" ?

I think reactjs is an actual cult. Not like one, not similar to one, but a real actual cult.

They have magical thinking, deny reality, blindly follow whatever new things there is, rationalize insane things, require immense time commitments, have an elitist attitude, it's an actual real life cult.

With the help of obs virtual camera, now I can join meeting like this

It’s real time not just a video, idk if gif works correctly on devrant now, but it’s me dancing

Edit: apparently gif still doesn’t work on devrant

I thought nobody actually use directly CSS instead using a framework that hiddes it for real applications.

I thought it until meet my frontend coworker. He not only uses it, also understand it.

Admiration has born inside me.

Creating a json in Swift!? Not a joke. Real code I had to deal with... (just changed variables and text)

Clients assume that because they can't see it, means no real work was done. Or even worse, you show them code that was written for the server, even demo the apis but without a pretty front-end it's pretty much meaningless. Even if ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO DO THE FRONT-END!!!

DOS is not “Disk Operating System”. DOS, aka QDOS, is “Quick and Dirty Operating System”. This is real. Google it.
Similarly, Windows CE is not “Compact Embedded”. It's “Chaotic Evil”.

So now I’m working with this code that is roughly documented because ”variable names are self-explanatory”.

Yeah, you just forgot that FORTRAN does not support utf-8 variable names...

Why utf-8? Because then if I see:

real :: 座標(3)

I would understand that you mean ”zahyō”, the usual 3D position array ”r(3)”, but no, I need to deal with:

real :: zah(3)

yeah...🙃🔫

"Real devs test in production", in practice.

This was actually the second such notification I received. Not sure if this is standard for mobile app testing...

When you bring your workspace to bed, she knows it's not her night tonight;
And you know tomorrow is gonna be a total stormy day because the forecast is real.

I hate AMP sites so much. Fuck you Google! I'm not living in some third world country, nor do I use a decade old smartphone. And even if so, it's none of your fucking business what I do with my bandwidth!!

Just give me the real website, instead of downgraded shit!!

Most ridiculous reason you have been sacked...go!

Had a 1:1 about performance, said i was not performing well, showed them proof, they took the proof and sacked me anyway.

The real reason because the fuck headed lead dev stepped over the line for the last time and i laid into him pretty hard.

It's a real nice feeling when you figure out the answer to your own stackoverflow question as you're typing it out.
Not gonna make myself look like an idiot this time! No-sir-ee.

On the real, like if I’m being completely honest and serious…

And I’m not joking around here…

Not pulling your string tight…

Not yankin your yonker at all…

But being stoney bologna and watching fireworks has got to be the COOLEST and SICKEST fucking thing of all time…

Not just as a dev.. but as a person who does anything - getting over the mental block which keeps stopping you from taking up actual projects or completing them without abandoning them... the struggle is real... and I'm still struggling😅

New coffee machines at work. Real beans! What's the equivalent of the Ballmer Peak for Caffeine? Posting this at 4.04am, lying awake in bed and not coding, I'm probably past it.. sleep not found

Is there a Developers' Manifesto? Like Agile Manifesto?

If not let's start one here, I'll start:

-We should not be working outside work hours except for exceptional cases, hours != 24/7 && exceptional != 7 days a week
-Death to last minute changes!
-Everyone needs to understand Murphy's Law, it's real!

!rant

Guys, I had my first REAL developer interview today. Without jinxing myself, I'd like to say it went really good. We discussed the companys upcoming projects, what they expect from a new developer, etc. but some thing that bothers me about it is there was never any discussion about my expected compensation. I'm not sure if this is common or not, but we'll see.

Just figured out that while I was on vacation they made a really well thought (not) decision to switch to Firebase despite having 4 fully managed VPS with low usage.

Wanna know what the big deal is?
The only one who looks like knows anything is the fucking intern.

I was trying to understand the thought process and everything revolved around "its real time" argument.

No one knows how the api really works, the benefits of "real time" , and we are using the free plan :)

Yeah... People really do overthink things here...

Some minutes ago our firewall in office overheated, no internet, no network, no real way to work some time for coffee and nerd talk - not bad at all

I am here on devRant now for a while. Althought, reading amy of your stories and taking care of websites is not what I usualy tend to do, I started doing it as a favour for a friend of a friend.
Baaad bad decission :-(

"pls, dis is urgnt! uplood dis pics asap on page"
*mail notification*
*face palm 1* because who sends pictures by mail these days ... I like my 50MiB Inbox, dont spam it with garbage!
*opening mail - lists attachments: 1 file, ~900KiB* ok whats happening now?
*facepalm 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9* (10 if there still would be a face to palm on)

the person seriously send me the pictures in an attachment, within a pdf document that was created with MS Word.
No - Just NO!

I should have known better ... sooo much better :(

Not really a project as such but started at my apprenticeship 3 months ago only with any real experience with html.

To date I have now worked building API's and web apps and contributing to much larger projects than I'd ever dreamed of before starting where I work.

There has literally only been one time I've used singly/doubly linked lists in my code. And when I did, it turned my program into a monstrosity.

10/10 would never do again!

as you can see my naive people; even dfox/trogus started to question whether or not they have done the right thing by chasing a degree that has no value in the real world. just understand that when you see someone who works at a job, he works there not because he has a degree but because he has the knowledge and skills to get the work done

I get really fucking mad, when people show termux and boast about "aai yuse leenox"

Use the real god damn GNU/Linux. If it is not available for your device then PORT IT! Like i did..

I find lately my biggest challenge as a developer is sticking with one editor. Currently it is a battle between Sublime Text 3 and Atom. Not a battle where I switch every few days. This is a battle where I find myself switching at least once a day for no real reason.

To run X11 apps I have to install xcode? Not gonna happen. I'll just VNC to a real computer.

So I just stumbled upon a comment on an old rant after 2 hours of looking through devrant and I just have to post this ... like DUDE ARE YOU FOR REAL?!?!?! Vista !?!?! FUCKING WINDOWS VISTA!?!?! IMHO it was the worst windows ever, even WinME was not that shitty...

Need confirmation:
A friend message me (this) saying that “it came from Mark Zuckerberg himself and facebook will...” blah blah and then another friend asked me if this is for real.
Let me know your thoughts on this, because I’m not really sure if I should resend it as well

Hating on {LIBRARY} and telling people they are not real developers because they use {LIBRARY} = never cool

It took me putting on my glasses to make sure these pixels were real and not just blind ass not seeing shit.

You are not real devloper untill you suddenly realized "that's how I should code that"

super random

I never got the notion of "men don't like smart women", it's not a stereotype that I see in real life too much.
And I kinda think the opposite way, like yes honey please go on about mathematical topics I don't know a thing about <3

I couldn't easily find it again and I didn't screenshot it yesterday. But this is not made up.

Yesterday I found a Sponsored post on Facebook about a class for one of WordPress premium theme with visual builder. Well it's more like a workshop rather than a class.

The description said if you want to have stable income, want to work from home, want to experience a *real developer life*, etc etc.

REAL DEVELOPER LIFE. No kidding.

I do WordPress websites. Yes I use premium themes. Yes I do visual builder. Fuck but I don't call that work real dev work and I'm not proud of those projects as real dev works.

In the end, the hungrier guy gets the bread. I guess. I haven't thought of providing such courses at all.

PS : the mentioned theme is Divi from Elegantthemes.

So here I am trying to Code a Rick Astley video on my website so 2 people can watch it in real-time but the code KEEPS DOING THE PART THAT I SPECIFICALLY TOLD IT NOT TO DO UNTIL I GET THE TIME FROM THE GOD DAMN DATABASE!!!!

Oh YES! THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!

So, ive finally got better headphones, REAL headphones, not my old Wireless Gaming Headset...

and the difference IS NIGHT AND DAY! I cant go back anymore!

Beyerdinamic really knows their shit...

No, that Nigerian prince is not real and it is a scam, and no, I am not jealous and I don't envy you, you know what, it is totally legit ... I was lying ...

Boss tells me every other week to "set focus" on a completely different topic without loosing a word on the "top priority" the day before. Or he asks for the other (not finished) feature to be ready "in the next few" days/hours.

Yeah. A real sunbeam in dark times.

Dear developer guy who wrote this documentation node!

You're a developer yourself. Don't you know that inverse psychology is something you should avoid, because it will not work?

Thanks!
---

Okay for real, why shouldn't one parse Build.FINGERPRINT on Android? I was looking for a way to determine if the device is an emulator or not, and came across a solution using this, and read the documentation.

Planned release today, one of my co-worker's laptop's hard drive died in the morning.

And you guys say Satan is not real :/

LIRR system rant 2 - there is a thing called a sensor. Can you please paste them on your trains so we know on a real-time map where the train is. If it's 8 miles away when supposedly 'on time' we don't have to freeze on the platform. It's 2016 not 2007.

Dear BOSE, how can you make a "smart" speaker so dumb and complicated? Why require to use an app that needs frequent updates and takes up so much storage space for ... what exactly?
Dear Spotify, why not add features to the web player if your app does not run on older devices? Which native feature would your app need that is missing on iOS 13?
Dear companies making money due to the fact that some real artists make real music that real people love to listen to, how come your apps and gadgets always make me nostalgic about actual records and make me tune in to an actual radio station at the end of the day? At least you keep showing us not to rely on digital technology and rather go visit actual live concerts to listen to live music in the real world more often!

Maybe I don't even want to understand what "programming" means. Although I keep visiting StackOverflow almost daily to find useful advice on topics that do matter to me, when I post a question myself, they mostly get deleted for being "offtopic", not real "programming" questions, prone to attract "opinionated answers" or too much concerned about usability in real life? 🤔

You're not a real dev unless you've made so many changes in your code without testing, that you're too afraid to actually test it.

hey guy just FYI node is not a Fucking cure all.

also "knowing" node doesn't make you a Fucking full stack developer. learn some real damn languages.

Fuck UPS and their API Documentation. Has anyone here ever integrated their API ?
Their API documentation doesn't mention any sandbox or testing accounts.
If I click on their create access key button, it takes me to a form which requires a real payment method and address which seems like it's meant for real stuff not testing.

*Developing new program for flight crew on a plane.
*Using 5 days to prepare a "test flight" to see if the program is working in real life conditions.
*Flight takes of on a 5 hour trip.
*Tablet does not work.

TFW the mock class has way more code than the real one.
Testing big infrastructures can be a pain...
Or maybe my team is just not so good at it.

My time spent:
Adding new feature to the real class 15%
Extending the mock with the same feature 55%
Writing tests 30%

Today was a real Monday (I know it's Wednesday, let me explain).
Nothing worked. Not for me and not for my coworker. Across all tasks that we did today. It was very frustrating and a lot of swearing was involved.
Every week has to have a Monday I guess. Let's hope tomorrow gets better.

Definitely the first time I saw real time data from a backend on a webapp. Something so magical about it actually working and me maybe not being a total dumbass.

I have legitimately identified an 9 figure (possibly more) market with 1. massive demand, 2. sufficient supply, 3. literally, I kid you not, zero companies in the field. No regulations to speak of.

The overhead is trivial and it is very much a network-effect based market.

No I am not joking. Yes this is real.

What do?

edit: 9 figures not 8. Yes it's that big.

If you take a crappy website... and then you draw out a few screens of that visual design... and change some colors and borders... (and it not even a real interface) (just a screenshot of a photoshop document) (and it doesn't work) (and it's basically the same shitty interface) (and it's not real) (and you never tested it with users)

...and you are feeling like you have imposter syndrome, it's because you aren't a UX designer. You need help. You are deeply delusional.

We can help you - but you have to be really honest with yourself...

You're going to have to do some real work, read some books, and accept that *praise* - is not the goal.

You wanna know if you are a real developer?
Google "string" and see if you get as first result underwear or not.
Try "DD" and see if you get again some underwear results or a ubuntu wiki article about "the great data destroyer" ;)

"PHP is 'not for real man'".

Incredible that these companies with literally no product, and barely a website (if any) come around offering 100K+ jobs

They have funding out of their ass but literally NO real-world value... it's amazing to me.

Guess it really is not what you can do but who you know.

Hey, a bit of a dumb question.

When can someone call themselves a "real" programmer? I'm not one to gatekeep and say dumb shit like "iF yOu OnLy KnOw PyThOn Ur NoT a PrOgRaMmEr!", but I guess I want to know when I can call myself one. All I've done so far is make unpolished games in Unity for school that are created only to meet some requirements. I've also worked in my class' team for collaborative Unreal games, which has been painful to say the least. So, when I can stop gatekeeping myself over it? What sorts of experiences should I have? I understand that it's not a list of requirements like my projects are, but I'd like a general idea of when I can call myself a real developer.

Is Vim viable for Java ecosystem?

Im using vim only for years for various languages and I never had a problem. I dont use IDE or any GUI software almost never for programming.

Im being reassigned to a Java Spring project at my company, and my colleges are telling me I should start using some IDE and what not, but none of them gave me any real reason.

So Im asking is it really that inconviniet to work without IDE in Java/Spring ecosystem? Some real reasons pls.

Im developing in linux, and I know my way in bash

Hey guys. I am pretty new here and also kind of young in real life (not finished with school yet).
I wanted to ask you guys, as what you are working and whether you like it or not, since I'll be graduating in a year and I'd really like some motivation on what to study/what profession to go after.

Welp. Time to ditch windows entirely! It's outlived it's usefulness, so my last windows computer is getting converted! So let's start a flamewar! To all the nonpurists out there, a question! Manjaro vs antergos? (I love arch but I'll be damned to have all my systems broken. I want at least one semi stable system)

not sure if stack overflow mods are real developers/technicians or Garmmar Naz*s...
impatiently one usually waits for an answer after posting, once you get a notification for an activity on your post you later find out someone took their time only to fix your English.

Pretty much after couple of years of entering the real world I lost faith, not because I found myself not able to cope and learn but the amount of chaos and closed minded people that you face everyday pushed me to pursue my MBA.

Now I'm slowly drifting away to the management part because I've had enough with this, its just not worth it. I'll keep development for self entertainment in personal projects, and nothing more.

Procrastination and not doing real stuff

Just started watching mr Robot, not liking that much to be honest, but still decided to give it a try. Then mr robot takes out the piece of paper with a wrong IP address on and I'm like =_= "is this for real or are they joking with me"?

When you're in Lisbon and all of your company its at websummit but the developers team have to watch online because it's not important for them. For real?

Not so long ago an AI Telegram channel was launched. It learned from Russian news and generated new headlines.

Here’s one of the first headlines it generated:
“Islamic physicists will recreate the Big Bang”

For real, channel name is Neural Meduza

Any tips for attending my first hackathon? Keep in my mind I am not too well versed in applications with JS/Python. Also I really don't have a lot of real life project experience. I am super excited though.

Social media site/app... I think social media is such a saturated market yet everyone seems to think their spin is somehow unique and worthwhile...

Although, not sure if DevRant counts as 'social media' but tbh I see real value in getting developers to form a community, where to profit potential comes from potentially linking developers to recruiters/employers (targeted ads to devs for shit we would want). And devs get a nice platform to socialize and bullshit about things we all experience (ie, the 'community' is real and valuable to us)

We had our first "real" sprint planning yesterday. This was a very superficial planning session, as my manager is, by the looks of it, not to keen on the whole "new process thing". Probably because it's not his way of doing things... or simply more simply put - this way round means he'll need find some new ways to crawl up the CTOs ass!

So glad I'm leaving!

Is there anyone here who dealt with gaming addiction? I want real world responses, succes or failure stories. Not some third rate blog post copy paste replies please.

PS. I am not joking this happened for real😑

Our QA is acting like a customer, or even more... Pushy, demanding, some times rude... you name it

On the flip side, we have a real (cruel) world scenario in testing. Not too bad I think?

Job advertisement : C++, C#, mysql... / Interview : C#, mysql...

Real life : working one year (part time) on a prototype which had been used (I hope it still not the case) on prod. And by the way it was in VBA :D At the end the file did several Go, empty :D

First real job in a business, that's good memories :p

I hate Chrome Books/ ChromeOS. I was recently told that at my job we would be using Chrome Books and I am not excited, chrome os is essentially a mobile software on a real computer, the only redeeming factor is the Linux support in the developer betas.

Chrome books suck.

No. I won't "just hack into the account" because you don't have the password.

I have dreams where I stare at code/tables/program output, half of the problems are real and half are made up, I wake up stressed out about not solving anything and trying to remember which is the real half I need to solve.

Why can't I dream about the video games I play? I need to get a life...

When you are told "JS is not a real language"

Real Christmas is on 7th january, not 25th December

Developer using light mode editor is not a real developer
I would never work with him

Wish everyone could understand that it's not learning the programming language or the 'best practices' that makes you good it's understanding how things work together and how to mix them to create new things that do what you want is the real engineering

I can't stop myself from making my commit messages completely sarcastic or off the wall, which never makes sense to future me.

for ex: my commit right now is
"push it real good"

This does not help me. How do I stop?
lol

"Just let me know when you're done (today) with that handful of JIRA tickets that are not reproducible, have no description, and include no error information. We need to get them into the next release."

Yeah. Yeah, I'll let you know real soon.

I first time listened to medium story reader. The voice was so real. I don't believe it's not a human voice.

I know everyone acting cool on the Internet that they've made friends while coding is lying. This is real life not twilight!

Learning C++ in university for all three years. They have decided that teaching only one language is good and that once you know one language you can pick them all up.

Not sure how true this is... also sick of the lecturer saying "In the real world you would not do it this way but" I wish university's would just teach real life skills and not how to pass a test. What am I spending £9000 a year on....

Anyway rant over

Not surprisingly the only watchable thing disney makes anymore is.. nothing

All the remakes of the old films with real life characters are depressingly awful.

I'm not going to get any real work done today, am I...

Here I sit waiting for the next problem to pop up because of silly untested edge cases by this team.

Ugh... 😮‍💨

I want to delete facebook account. Can anybody give me reasons not to delete it or delete it right away?

P.S: want to connect with real developers community.

I swear business people are so stupid. They take us off of a real priority programming project and then tell us to stop and send emails to gather reporting data.

I am a developer...not an email jockey. Get someone with a business degree and nothing better to do to do this shit.

!rant

Do you think it is worth learning functional programming and specifically haskell. It seems like a really good concept, but a lot of people claim that it's not applicable in real scenarios.

Tried to install ArchLinux on VMWare 5 times, and f#cked up
Tried once to install it on real PC - did it...
Realized, that using VMWare is not for me)

First Rant...
Why the fuck do I get on a C++ interview the question if I now Javascript......everytime.... NO I DON'T WANT TO KNOW JAVASCRIPT!!!

Real coders code in C/C++ and not hipster javascript. Am I alone???(probably)

I'm absolutely fuming why on earth would someone try to apply exactly all rules of a theoretical concept. I hate those so called "scrum masters". We can't apply all rules of agile we're not machines. There's real life and theory.

Victor Pelevin is an iconic Russian writer. I won't describe him here (5000 characters is not enough), I just say I think he's one of the greatest if not THE greatest modern author.

Here's the tea (sorry for my bad translation):

"Some of our illusions feel more real than other illusions. A kid is urinating in perfectly real toilet when he's sleeping, he hears a perfectly real sound confirming this, yet he's still unsure.

A grown up, mature man is different only because he also shit himself.

Grown ups have no doubt about reality, that doubt that helps the kid to get closer to the truth. But grown ups have 'scientific explanations' that toilet is real because there is sound of urine, and the sound of urine is real because toilet is made of ceramic, so because of it we all should be working 24/7.

To help grown ups wake up from this 'reality', death exists."